Holla!

You know when i did my last post? 4 years ago!

4 years ago and i still able to log into this blog and write another post!

Only this one is still intact. what i wrote many ages ago are still here, holding all the memories.

4 years!

I am now... 33 years old. Alhamdulillah, still breathing with 2 kids. Hahah 2 kids.

You know how time changes people.

I used to be boyish (well I am still is, i mean, i'm not lady-like.. but not that bad?), i used to hate handbags, i used to say to myself that i will never get married and i will never buy a handbag, i will never use make up, and the list goes on.

Ops.

I was alone just now. Sipping coffee, munching potato chips not knowing what to do as i left my office laptop at the office.

now both kids are next to me. as a matter of fact the baby is now crawling towards me!

So pen down for now. Baru ingat nak re-cap 4 years in one night haha.

Bye. Till then.

My last step before next phase in life.

I am on study leave.
At 29, I am still going for exams. Yeah.

This should be my LAST paper, I hope. If I pass, then I won't be going to any classes related to accounting anymore.

Looking forward to going to other classes though!

This time, I just took the revision class. No normal class. Had to, my schedule has been hectic this year, and I did not want to go home late so often. So sacrificed the normal classes, I just went for the 6-day revision class hoping that my brain would absorb everything then. Hehe.

Now I am actually sitting in front of the laptop, taking five (now it's been 2 hours). I am bored. The house is so quiet. I dare not to log into my work email, as I would be ending up attending all those emails and forgot about my book.

I have been going through night classes for the past 4 years. I am proud of myself haha. Such a small achievement but yes, I am happy with what I did.

I had to sacrificed my weekend to attend some of the classes. I even skipped some when I did not feel like going, which resulted in me failing the paper. The first time ever!

I am writing so randomly I'm not sure if any of these make sense. It has been so long since my last post, and since this final paper is also part of the important milestones in my life, I would just write. Staying at home during the day allows me to hear all sorts of shouting and crying from the neighbourhood. Kids are crying for the mum, mums were scolding the kids perhaps too busy to attend to the kids. Wonder how I would be if I became a full-time housewife.

Oh yeah, I did a presentation during our mini townhall last Friday. It went well despite me being no ridiculously nervous. When I said, 'Saya nervous lah!' One of my friend replied, 'Normal la tu...kalau tak nervous bukan manusia...'. Haha. that sounds sarcastic more than comforting you know.

Once I was done, a friend came to me and said, "Bestlah awak present. Saya selalu suka dengar awak present". I was speechless. Happy, but immediately went into a dreamland kejap. Seriously awak suka saya present? Why??? I feel like asking that person again, just to make sure I was hearing right, but I soon realized not to be too excited over so simple things. Haha.

Apa-apa jelah. As long as they can follow what I was saying during the presentation, I am more than happy. I love sharing and I love people who like to listen to what I am saying. Eh?

Anyway, this is just to boost back my motivation to resume revision. Last paper, so the momentum has kinda dropped. Haha.

Ok let's study. Let's study. Don't waste the beautiful time without all those complaint emails and issues at work. Let's forget about other things and focus on the performance management and measure. Yeah that's what the paper is all about.

By for now. I wish myself good luck because no one is reading this anyway, except me. Haha.

Allahummayasir walatuassir. Amin Ya Rabb.

Zayd. First episode.

This entry was meant to be uploaded last 4 months. Huhuh........................................................................................................Wow. Last post was in May.Zayd was still in my tummy. In fact he was not even called Zayd yet at that time.Now Zayd is already...erm...he will be 6 month old in like 16 hours from now. Dah enam bulan. You won't believe how fast time flies nowadays. I guess my MIL was right when she said, nanti tau-tau dah habis belajar, then tiba-tiba dah nak kahwin. And I was worried I do not have enough savings for his wedding. Eh, cepatnya??Zayd is still a baby.I wanted to update this blog during my confinement really, but you know how a new mother can be so occupied she might even forget to eat. But not me, my meal is still as frequent as when I was still kid-less. Haha.Anyway, before all the memories I currently have gone with the wind, I will try my best to have it all written here. So here goes...On 26th June, I spotted some blood stains. I think mucus plug would be the right term? Well, at least I believe it was mucus plug, which is one of the early signs of delivery. I was so caught up with work I could not be bothered that much. But I could feel that I got really tired very early, walking a short distance makes me pant very easily, and I felt as if my lower abdomen was about to drop any time soon. I wanted to take early leave but my work (or to be exact my boss) was not very keen to let me go early. So that blood stain was a real relief to me, at least now I have a solid reason to say sayonara to the office.Although my boss was not very happy that I was leaving early, because she had 5 kids and for her blood stain is nothing but a normal process an expecting lady would face, my worried face made her gave in and she allowed me to take early MC provided I handed over all my work to another Executive. Of course that would not be a problem so I did the handover thingy in less than 3 hours and expect that girl to grasp everything perfectly. Haha. Of course not. I did everything I could to make her a good replacement for me hehe. So it is time to stop thinking about work and start worrying about my baby.My planned induction should the baby did not engage is the coming Monday, 2nd July 2012. I was not really keen to have the baby in July, as I wanted him to be born in the same month as mine, hehe. Since hubby still had to go to work, and I have another 5 days to go before the induction day, I decided to stay with my mother. First day with mom was ok. Nothing happened. In fact we went out for breakfast and even went for some last minute shopping. Thursday was the same. Friday was also normal. But I was glad I took early leave as I could rest more and use less of my brain on work-related issues. Then Saturday came. I woke up as early as 4 am to find myself wet. Let's not talk about this so much, but I guess my water broke at 4 am, 30th June 2012. Hubby and mom were still sleeping. After several visits to the washroom, I could no longer hold it so I woke my husband up at around 6 am. When we were ready to leave, it was already 7 something. Or maybe even later than that. Mom forced me to have something to eat before we leave so I had some bread. I was quite worried so I was not really enjoying my breakfast.On the way to the hospital, I suddenly craved for McD breakfast set. However, being worried parents to be, we went straight to the delivery unit and I was hoping that hubby could get me the breakfast set after we were done with the examination. My actual doctor was still on a holiday vacation (that is why she scheduled the induction on Monday), so a locum came and examined me. Hmmm macam tak ada jodoh je dengan Doktor Fauziah ni. Dari awal appointment tak dapat jumpa dia, ini dah nak deliver pun tak dapat dengan dia. Just not my luck.That locum called Dr Fauziah for details and she was informed that I wanted a normal delivery and my baby was a wee bit bigger than normal. Well at least Dr Fauziah thought so because based on my observation, I think Zayd's weight was normal. So I was told that I will have to be warded and they will monitor my contractions. Since my water was already broken with no sign of contraction at all, they gave me some medication to trigger the contraction and warned me that they might operate me if the baby still refuses to engage. It seems that Dr Fauziah was giving us just until 3 pm for the baby to engage and for my cervix to dilate, before we go for the second option, c-sect!The nice locum (I can't recall her name, alamak teruknya) told me everything that I need to know. She understood that I wanted to have a normal delivery (I even had plan to use that delivery swing – or is it a wheel?) so she made me clear that we could not risk to wait and c-sect has to be done if the baby is not showing any positive progress. So she said, "Puan dah tak boleh makan dah. Now kena start puasa sebab mungkin pukul 4 ni kalau tak turun juga baby, kita akan bedah". I was so so so disappointed because I wanted to have McD breakfast so much. Husband looked at me and smile, "Tak boleh makan dah....". Sedih sangat. Entah kenapa tiba-tiba teringin McD pagi-pagi tu, especially their Milo ais.

Hmm...macam panjang je cerita ni. Alamak Zayd dah bangun nak susu. It is 12.40am.Ok dah selesai.Mula-mula lepas makan ubat, nothing happened. Then doctor gave me something using the IV drop and the pain started to come. Makin lama makin kuat. Until I could not handle it anymore. Tapi bila doktor check, laluan untuk baby tak buka-buka. Until 3pm, sakit sangat tapi laluan masih belum buka. So that's it. Operate la jawabnya.This is the worst part. I was in terrible pain, but the nurses keep pushing me to change into that stupid green robe. I could not even stand properly, I was bleeding, and I had to change on my own, fast! Dah la lapar kan tak makan dari pagi. I wanted to show my anger but they were all veteran nurses so I had to hold it inside me. Suami jadi mangsa untuk saya luahkan rasa tak puas hati dengan makcik-makcik nurse ni.Selesai salin, they made me lie on the bed and they push me recklessly to the operation theatre. They did not even wait for my husband to walk along. Yela husband kena collect baju saya, handbag saya, air lagi. Oh ya speaking of air, I actually brought air selusuh and also air zamzam with me. Air selusuh was in the bag while air zamzam was in my handbag. The locum saw my air zamzam (she did not know it was zamzam, she thought it was selusuh), she simply took that bottle away from me and said, "Kalau boleh tak payah la minum air lagi ok". OMG. Memang terkejut but I could not say a word. I don't think Dr Fauziah will do this to her patient. On the way to the operation theatre, the nurses were ignoring my pain and they were talking to each other so loudly, and they hit so many things while pushing my bed to that room. Husband saya memang dah tertinggal kat belakang. Bad nurses, rasa nak campak keluar tingkap pun ada.Sampai depan satu bilik ni, nurse tinggalkan katil and some other team took me in. A doctor, an anesthetist, talked to me nicely and said he will be injecting me with some..some anesthetic. I was in real pain and they had me switch bed on my own. Teruk sangat. No one was telling me to do it slowly or at least say something comforting. Then they made me sit, bend over and it was excruciating! I need to be in that position so that they could inject the medication through my backbone (I think) and they need to do it fast. I don’t know why but they seem to have calculated the timing and they could not wait for me to do it slowly. Seriously masa tu sakit sangat and I could not bend because I had contractions like every 2 seconds already. I was also worried that my husband would not reach the room in time. Getting my tummy cut open without my husband next to me is something I could not imagine. I was praying hard that he would find me here, before they close the door and start the operation.Lepas kena bius, I felt dizzy then slowly headache. Sakit sangat kepala macam migraine. Then I saw my husband. He sat right in front of my head and start rubbing my forehead. Tapi that gesture did not soothe me, tapi lebih menyakitkan kepala saya so I asked him to stop. Sorry husband, but I guess all I need at that moment was his presence, and his prayers. I want him to be the first to hold my baby. And if the operation fails and I had to go… oh okay let us not think about that hehe.The operation, which took only around 20 minutes was a success but sadly, the doctor actually put me to sleep throughout the operation. Teruk sangat! When I woke up, I felt very weak and they were just about to push me into the maternity ward. Tak best sangat. I have been dreaming to have the baby in my arms right after I delivered him but this did not happen. Saya sangat kondem cara hospital ni yang buat saya tidur dan tak sedar sepanjang operation. Sedar-sedar baby dah siap mandi and I did not know if they actually fed him with formula milk sebab he did not cry for the first few hours after I woke up.Whatever it is, Alhamdulillah, my boy was safely delivered via c-sect, at 4.16pm, on 30^th of June 2012. He weighed 3.56 kg and he was 57 cm long. And he was red! Hehe. The feeling was just remarkable to finally see and touch the baby that I have been carrying in me for the past 9 months.
Hence the busy nights begun.Haha. Mari continue some other time because the next phase is another whole new experience.