No One's Normal

I'm having a lot of BIG feelings today... mainly about this little guy, who is not this little anymore.

I chose this picture because it's one of my all-time favorites of him.  In this picture, we were at the zoo and he was about 18 months old.  He had some quirks then but no big red flags to tell us what the future would hold.

Fast forward two years and, after a difficult journey with four different clinicians, he was diagnosed with Austim.  It was a word I had been praying would not be part of our family.  I was scared of that word.  It was a bad word in my mind, because I thought it meant he was broken.  Each year after his diagnosis, when Autism Awareness Month would roll around, I pretended like it didn't apply to us.  I guess I was in denial.

According to the site, Autism Speaks, Autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), refers to a broad range of conditions characterized by challenges with social skills, repetitive behaviors, speech and nonverbal communication.  Both genetics and environment play into the development of the disorder, and 1 in 59 children are affected by it.

Benj's particular diagnosis, formerly known as Asperger's Syndrome, is a subset of ASD.  This type of high-functioning autism is a blessing and a curse for him.  He has so "little" autism, most people don't even notice or realized he is autistic.  Sometimes Dave and I even forget that he has it, as we interact with him.  But because he seems so normal, it makes it hard to understand when he encounters an issue - and how he reacts to it. His biggest challenges are understanding nuanced language or nonverbal communication, sensitivity to light, tastes and sounds, sudden changes in schedules, and at times, he suffers from anxiety and depression.

There is no hard and fast rule or handbook about when & how you should tell your kid he has Autism.  I promise, because I looked it up.  Basically, everything I read said you should tell them when they're ready.  In the past, I tried to dodge the discussion, mainly because I didn't know how to bring it up and how he'd handle it.  I didn't know what 'ready' was for him - until tonight.

His school does an amazing job of teaching kids about Autism.  It's one of two schools in the district to house an Autism program, so all of the teachers receive special training.  And all of the kids receive education each year so that they can understand the kids in their classes that struggle with it.

Two weeks ago, the Autism specialist gave a presentation about Autism to his class.  It's an awesome and sweet animated explanation of Autism, called "Amazing Things Happen".  The big idea is that we are all different.  After watching the video, Ben told the teacher he thought there was autism in his family; he said, "I think my sister has it.  My mom too!  Maybe even I have it."

Tonight, he had a pretty massive meltdown because I told him he had to do homework before he could play video games.  This is not an uncommon issue in our house, but tonight's reaction was particularly bad.  He threw a bunch of things, tried kicking me, and actually slapped me.   The last was the final straw; he was swiftly sent to his room to cool off.  When he came down 10 minutes later, he apologized, hugged me and then, simply asked, "Do I have autism?".

Dave and I were planning to sit down together and talk with him, but when Ben asked, I knew I couldn't lie or skirt the issue anymore.

We sat down on the couch and I grabbed a very soft throw blanket to snuggle with him, and we talked.  It was actually a pretty good conversation.  He had questions, which I answered as best I could.  His eyes started to well with tears, until I mentioned that kids with Autism have super powers - many of them are super good at math or computer programming.  He wiped away his tears, and his eyes got really big.  And then he asked, "What do you think my super power is?  Do you think it's reading or maybe soccer?".  I told him I didn't know, but I said we'd find out soon enough.

And he was totally ok with that.

Ruminations on A Blustery Day

Today I went for a walk.

I've had a lot on my mind, and I figured the combo of some fresh air and exercise would do wonders for my psyche.

Last year, I got laid off from my job.  A job I loved, I might add.  I'd been there for exactly 9 years, the month the layoff occurred.

For the last sixteen months, I have had a tough time managing this turn of events; it's been so much harder than I could have imagined.  Nine years is a long time to be at one workplace, and losing that job and my career was a big blow.  I have been uncharacteristically emotional because, let's be honest, a loss of this magnitude is equal parts scary and sad.  If I am being brutally honest with myself, I've been depressed.  For sixteen months.   That's a long time to be sad.

And yet, there is always hope in what lies ahead.  When there's nothing else, there is always hope.  I'm trying to get that mantra running through my head and to make it stick.

So, I've wandered around trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  A few days ago, I had a little mental breakdown and Dave gave me a simple, yet valuable suggestion.  He said "go and do some things you love".  And I remembered this little blog of mine.  It's been years since I was blogging consistently, and I think it's time to get back to it.

I wanted to be a writer when I grew up, but I've always had this feeling that my skills were fairly mediocre. When I was in sixth grade, I won a place in a Seattle youth writer's workshop - by default. The winner from my school couldn't go, so I was the alternate.  The back-up plan.  It didn't feel great to be the back-up plan, but I enjoyed the experience nonetheless.

Well, I have hope now - hope in back-up plans.  I just have to figure out what my back-up plan is... maybe it's writing, maybe not.  But, I do think I have some important things to say; if nothing else, they're important to me.  And hopefully, my writing will be a little better than mediocre this time around (fingers crossed).

Things I'm Loving in February

Here's this month's installment of random stuff I've been digging lately:

barkTHINS

I've never been a huge dark-chocolate fan; typically, I'd choose milk over dark any day of the week.  Then, I stumbled on this stuff in the Organic section at Fred Meyer (also at Costco).  Wowza.  This stuff is SO good.  Addictive, but good!

Pastel Mustaches

I'm not sure what I'm going to make with this fabric, but I just had to grab the remainder of the bolt when I was at JoAnn's.  Em may be sporting a new spring dress with this sweet, quirky design soon!

Polka-dot Sweaters

I'm kind of in love with this sweater.  Like the colors.  Adore the polka dots.  And I might have just bought it... at 70% OFF.  Cute clothes that are dirt-cheap?  Doesn't get much better than that.

Patagonia

Most people dream of vacations on white, sandy beaches in Hawaii or Mexico.  Give me somewhere cold, rugged, with vast opportunities for adventure and filled with jaw-dropping vistas - that's my cup of tea.  Who knows when we'll get to there, but someday Patagonia will be a stamp on my passport!  (Photo courtesy of The Telegraph)

"What If?"

Working late one night, I came across this movie on Amazon Instant Video.  I was apprehensive about a rom-com with Harry Potter as the lead, but figured I'd give it a whirl as all I really needed was some noise in the background.  The movie proved to be far better than random white noise.  Basically, it's a light-hearted movie with witty dialogue that weaves the story of a sweet friendship; I went back and forth on it for a bit, but in the end - I kind of dug it.  (Movie poster courtesy of Imp Awards)

Birthday Week 2015

I know a lot of folks hate birthdays.  I get it.  Getting old can stink - and the annual reminder of another year gone is just another jab that the clock is ticking by far too quickly.

But I'm not in that camp.  I love birthdays.  And I really LOVE Birthday Week, but not because of the normal stuff like getting presents or attention.  Mainly, I do it in homage of my sister-in-law who passed away in 2008.  She was the one that brought the idea to my attention - "One day is not enough, Michelle!", she said once.  But also, life can be hard & mundane, so when I can find a reason to break up the monotony and let my hair down, I do it!

Some of my days below may not be filled with the biggest parties - or anything even remotely close - but that's just how it goes.  When you're trying to plan seven days of fun stuff, creativity goes a long way.  Without further ado, here's a look at my week long celebration o' fun:

MONDAY

With it being the first day, we kicked off the week with gobs of fun.  After a doctor's appointment, the kids and I headed to the Dollar Store.  I gave them each $10 to pick out something for my birthday.  Our little cart was soon filled with things like bubble wands, party hats, noisemakers, plastic dinosaurs and even a magic butterfly wand that lights up in (not coincidentally, me thinks) Seahawks colors.  The final touch - each kid grabbed two Mylar helium balloons; Benjamin's choice of balloons for me were one covered in basketballs, soccer balls and baseballs, and one that says, "The Party is Over Here!".  Em's choices were a Minnie Mouse and one shaped like a pointing finger that reads, "You're #1!".  Needless to say, my birthday is now their favorite holiday of the year!

After grabbing all the loot, we made our way to a new-to-us park in Mill Creek called Hillside Park.  Besides the usual playground fun and running around, the kids loved this firetruck that wobbled wildly when you shook it.  For nearly an hour, we ran around playing firemen as we put out fires at a donut factory, the forest, and Benjamin's school.  Fire Chief Benjamin's favorite thing was filling the fire truck's tank with glugging gasoline while Fire Woman Emme loved changing the truck's big tires.  Hearing her say "glugnut" (read: lugnut) was particularly awesome.

On our way home, we made one final pit stop at Baskin-Robbins.  I think it's safe to say my birthday really is their favorite holiday of the year!

We had leftovers for dinner and then I whipped up cupcakes while Dave was doing the FHE lesson on the teachings of King Benjamin.  For our FHE treat, we each decorated cupcake... well, except Emme, who just started eating hers.   Decor in place, I pushed a thick, red polka-dotted candle in to the middle of mine, everyone sang 'Happy Birthday', and then the kids presented me with a huge bag, which contained all of the goodies from our trip to the Dollar Store.  And as I pulled out each item, the kiddo who chose that gift for me, quickly and gleefully claimed it as their own.  That was the end of our day, and it was all good. 

TUESDAY
A middle-of-the-week trip to Alderwood Mall was on the slate for this day.  Rather than a big shopping spree, the kids, mom & I headed over to Cafe Rio for their weekly Tasty Tuesday ($5 entree) event.  My dish of choice?  A Barbacoa pork salad with that glorious lime cilantro dressing.  Heaven.

WEDNESDAY
I was up and down with Em most of the night; she's working hard to get over her ear infection and she's nearly there, but nighttime can still be a bit bumpy.  Needless to say, I got very little sleep before I had to rush in to work that morning.  To stave off the sleepy look, I whipped up my hair in a messy bun, threw on a skirt & sweater (wearing green to support Spirit Week at the hospital), then sped to work.  My office mate showed up shortly after me and we got a laugh out of our matching outfits; she loved it so much, she asked someone to take our picture.  Here are the Green 2-212 (our office location) twins!

So, my big birthday celebration for this day was a big, fat, magical N.A.P. in the afternoon.  We did a few other things, like going on an imaginary treasure hunt and hitting up another new park, but by far, The Nap was the most luxurious thing I did all day for myself.

THURSDAY

Another glorious birthday-week day!  Took the kiddos down to Lowell Park and we just ran around, having all kinds of fun in the nearly 60-degree temperatures.  Slides, swings, monkey bars, climbing walls - we did everything in sight!  Since we had to wait for Benj to get home from school, we were short on daylight, but it was great to play & get some fresh air! 

FRIDAY
On my birthday eve, it was time to do something a little more exciting and adventurous than visiting another park (even though we love all of the amazing parks we have around here).

So, after some emergency requests for work were completed, we hopped into the car and headed south to Edmonds.   Walking on to the ferry is fun and a cheap activity because kids under 6 (both of mine) are FREE.  Major bonus!

Prior to grabbing ferry tickets, we stopped at Edmonds bakery.  With an old-fashioned glazed, maple bar and crumb cake bar in hand, we headed to the waterfront, which was completely socked in with dense fog.

The forecast had called for that pesky fog to burn off with sun and highs in the upper 50s.  As you can see from the pictures, the fog never burned off... at least not Edmonds.  Thus, it wasn't quite the picturesque ferry ride I had hoped for, but it was still a fun adventure.  And with the exception of the loud horn that they had to blare frequently, both kids loved the ride on the Walla Walla.  Oh, and someone nabbed my crumb cake bar - seems we have a donut monster in our midst!

 SATURDAY (aka: the Big Day of Birthday Fun)

After Dave and the kids were snuggled safely in their beds on Friday night, I snuck downstairs and decorated the kitchen with a bunch of leftover pink decorations from YW, such as pink cups, plates, streamers, balloons, banners & flamingo-festooned straws - we're talking LOTS of pink.  It was fun to see the kids' react to the new decor - they started singing 'Happy Birthday' to me on the spot! For breakfast, I made buttermilk waffles with strawberry sauce and whipped cream, while Dave made scrambled eggs for the crew.  Afterwards, we got ready for our day hike to Big 4 Ice Caves with Julie (Dave's sister) and her family, who caravanned up to the trailhead.  

The hike is very kid-friendly, but icey conditions on some of the raised walk-ways, as well as the distance (~1 mile each way) made for some very tired little legs once we reached the end of the trail.  Nonetheless, a jaunt on the pieces of broken glaciated ice and a few cups of semi-hot chocolate later, all kiddos were in good spirits again.  Benjamin particularly enjoyed the Ice Caves; he was more interested in glissading down the ice rather than partaking in the hot chocolate.   All in all, it was a really fun morning!

And lest you think the celebrations were over, that night we headed to a Pre-Super Bowl dinner party at the home of our good friends, the Watsons.   She also invited the Lublins and Manivanhs; they are good friends too and we all used to be in the same ward a few years ago.

One of the reason Linda and I are friends is because we both like to do a party up right!  And this one was NO exception.  Seriously.  Besides the fabulous dinner and awesome Seahawks decor that was hanging from every nook and cranny, she also made me a personalized birthday banner!  But anyone that knows Linda knows that's what she's all about. :) 

We started with green salads and taco soup for dinner, complete with all of the standard mix-ins.  And Linda's taco soup is one of my personal favorites.  We also had a bunch of appetizers and a whole sea of Skittles scattered across the table and in candy jars throughout the room.  Good food and awesome company.

Following dinner, we played a bunch of football-themed games including paper football, a puzzle race, and "Face the Cookie".   There was a lot of laughter and some serious game-playing going on.  We wrapped up the evening with 12th Man cupcakes and a rousing version of 'Happy Birthday' - and oh, I got a tiara!  Kudos to Linda (& Mark) for hosting yet another absolutely fabulous party!! 

SUNDAY
Trying on mommy's tiara was the first order of the day.  While the kiddos were eating, I started the first steps of making my cake.  Then I found myself racing around, hunting down things and getting ready for church.  I really need to be better organized (and get some better time management) for Sunday mornings.  Anyway....

Because Emme got to bed so late, she actually fell asleep on the way to church, which NEVER happens.  But I was so thankful that she not only fell asleep, but stayed asleep for the entirety of sacrament meeting.  Sometimes I really miss holding our babies, so it was pure bliss to snuggle with her for a whole hour - not to mention I got to hear all of the testimonies.  Nursery was a bit of madness, but that was not entirely unexpected; these little guys are really struggling with the new 1-4pm block.  With all of the crying, tantrums and general crankiness of nap-deprived toddlers, I often feel like I've done 2 hours of cardio by the time we stumble to our car.   But the kids are awesome and can be so funny, so it's worth it in the end.

After we got home, Dave and the kids headed upstairs to watch the game while I finished up the Ding Dong cake.  I have never worked with ganache before, so my batch turned out a bit too thick - who knew that adding too much chocolate could be a bad thing?  In the end, the cake looked a little messy with the thick, gloopy ganache but otherwise it was pretty good.  Unfortunately, I didn't care for the finished product .  The cake was dry, which is the worst cake offense (in my opinion) and the filling didn't taste like I hoped.  Nonetheless, it was fun to experiment with something I had never made before, so from that perspective I was glad I did it.


After finishing off the cake, I headed back upstairs with all of our appetizers, including pico de gallo, Juanitas tortilla chips, Cheetos and green grapes.  It was not the most healthy or well-rounded dinner ever, but the kids totally chowed down on all of our Super Bowl goodies with wild abandon.  And when it comes down to it, good food and awesome family/friends are what celebrating is all about, right?!

During halftime, Dave's brother's wife Aubri showed up to watch the game and just hang out; it was fun to have company as we cheered on our beloved Seahawks and the kids absolutely love her.  Sadly, the game didn't turn out as we had hoped, but we've learned from past experience that the game isn't over until it's over.  But, it was a fun evening and we capped off this last day of my Birthday Celebration Week with one last hurrah of cake and ice cream.

  And with that, another year of Birthday Week Celebration is over!  See ya next time...

Life in Pictures - January 2015

pictorial essay

Because life moves far too swiftly for me to keep up on blogging every moment and breath we take, here's a quick glimpse of our month via a collage from my iPhone camera roll.