Cuz Ive got nothing better to do......

I just looked at my blog and realized that I haven't posted anything in a while. I have a family blog site that I post pretty much everything on and facebook, that I have neglected MY blog. This is what has happened so far:

Bryant has "recovered" and gone back to his crazy work. Its been very difficult for him to go to work full time 6 days a week and go to school full time 3 days a week and squeeze homework and physical therapy 3 times a week somewhere in there. Oh yeah, and sleep! He has one more year of school and then we can move to Utah. Well, not right away anyway. But nothing but money can hold us back then! =) He is excelling in his school work, which is not surprising to me. Straight A's is what he is getting! I am SO proud of him! I even have his report card on our fridge! lol He is still having pain every now and then from his surgery. His body is not liking the self dissolving stitches very well. So that is yucky! But other that all that, he is good.

As for me, in case you guys didn't know, the baby is a girl! =) I was COMPLETELY shocked when they said it was a girl. I thought well, maybe my high risk doc would tell me something different at my next appointment in a week. WRONG! It went from 80% chance its a girl to 95%. I had my heart set on a boy. I felt it was a boy as did Bryant. It took me about a day to get over the shock....seriously! lol I just kept thinking that I had NO CLUE what to do with a girl! Or that she would come home pregnant at 15! lol Yes, I did really think that when they said girl! lol

I have since gotten over the shock and have been SOOOO excited about her! We have had a name ready for her before she was even conceived! lol We are going to name her Lucia (Loo-see-uh) Isabella. We have recently stocked up on dresses and pink stuff. So her room is getting a little bit pinker. =)

I am still a high risk pregnancy and still not working really...except for a few babysitting jobs here and there. My boss "let me go" as Bryant likes to say when I was 11 weeks. I say fired! JERKS! Anyway....still on a half dozen meds for my genetic blood issues. Last week they found that a blood clot in the placenta shrank (thank GOD!), that I have a small fibroid that's been causing my pain (which I NEVER had before I got pregnant!) and that I might have mild pre-eclamsia (blood work already in but they've been too busy to call, they like to stress me out!). Oh, and about a month ago, I saw my regular doc for breathing problems. She said I had low blood pressure and that I am dehydrated. So now I get to drink MINIMUM of 2 and a half liters of water a day. So that's me....broken! ha ha ha!

All I can really say is that I am SO grateful that Lucia is healthy. She is growing like she is supposed to. She is gaining weight like she is supposed to and she is kicking like crazy! She is PERFECT! It makes going threw all of this COMPLETELY worth it! As long as she is healthy and growing good, I don't care so much what is happening to my body. Its all for her.

She is only about a pound in weight but I already love her SO much! I LOVE learning about her development. I LOVE knowing that she can hear my voice and that she can hear my heart beat. That she is getting to know me already. =) I am SO grateful for her kicks everyday to let me know she is alive. I am SO grateful that God has blessed us with her. That God has trusted us with this precious gift. Yes, I still have fears that something bad will happen to her like what happened to me when I was younger or that she will come home pregnant. That will probably never go away. But, I know that with Bryant and I working TOGETHER and raising her in the gospel, she will learn to make good choices.

Those previous miscarriages have taught me something.....how much MORE I appreciate little Lucia. How much MORE we are willing to do for her. How much MORE we will cherish her. How much MORE we will love her and not take anything for granted. Those miscarriages have taught us how we want to be better parents.

As for us, Bryant and I are getting sealed for time and all eternity Sep. 18th in the Manhattan, New York temple. We have worked SO hard for this moment! I cant wait to be sealed to him and Lucia and all of our future children. I wonder if Lucia will know what we are doing. I just cant wait! I keep joking with Bryant about him wanting to be "stuck" with me for all eternity! lol

So that is us. Crazy, but who would have thought otherwise?! lol

WOW! its been a year!

I can't beleive that it has almost been a year since I last wrote in here!
There has been more bad things that happened than good this past year I feel. I really didn't feel like blogging because it would just be depressing! I am working on being more positive and trying to make it threw this constant storm of ours.

We have had MORE than our share of illnesses, doctor appointments, blood work, invasive procedures, diagnoses (me 5 this past year-bryant 1), family going threw some DEEP struggles-that I could barely focus on work cuz all I thought about was how to help, family that drove us cRaZy for months on end, work that SUCKED, bryants injury-now its been 2 and a half months since he has been out of work-now surgery, constant major car issues, moving-CONSTANT issues with this place, my anxiety issues still linger AND the list could go on and on. TRUST me!

BUT, we have also had our testimonies get stronger-I got the courage to bear it 3 times now- thats more than my WHOLE life total, we made the goal of getting sealed in the New York Manhattan Temple this year, Bryant hasn't had a sip of coffee in about 7 months now, I have lost almost 30 pounds in this time, I have been learning to forgive the 2 people in my life who have caused me SO MUCH pain (you have NO idea) and they are called my biological parents-my bishop has been helping me with this-if I can forgive THEM I can forgive ANYONE-work in progress, we do scripture study EVERY night, family prayer EVERY night, FHE on fridays-still a work in progress, paying tithing more, going to church EVERY sunday, our marriage has gotten stronger, he helps around the house more, I cook more healthier meals, I am learning to manage my anxiety without medication-TRUST me-its SUPER hard to do, we have BOTH come to a better understanding of the "reason" for both of our miscarriages-we are starting to think of them less and less-which is a good thing-we aren't forgetting those precious babies, but the pain behind it AND this list could go on and on.

So, we have taken our lessons from this past year and decided to take a GIANT leap of faith forward. Remembering the blessings that we HAVE recieved and the ones we WILL recieve! Holding onto the iron rod as we build our firm foundation in Jesus Christ. We know the storm will continue to pound us. We know that it will let up occasionally. We know that when the storm is gone, that it WILL come back. But, as long as we have each other and our focus is eternal, we can make it.

SOOOOOOOO BORED!!!!

So, I have friday, sat and sunday off. I have a few things I COULD be doing but I dont want to. They are BORING things to do!!! Like: unpacking, putting away clothes, depositing my check, food shopping etc.... Chores! I WISH there was something fun to do!! None of my friends are around because they are working. PLUS, to add to this boredom it is raining outside!! I love the rain but not when I have NOTHING to do. I could have read a book outside in the sun and get a tan but nnnnoooooooooo! I NEED to relax but I dont want to just sit around and watch TV. So I am blogging... =)

So this blog is about Utah...

Most of the readers of our blog we saw while we were in Utah...so this might be boring for you since you already heard us talking about what we did there.

So...our flight got us in Salt Lake City at midnight. We get home about 12:40am. We get in our jammies and then about 15 mins later Bryant's mom tells us they are going to the emergency room. We JUMP out of bed, get dressed. To add to this chaos we didnt sleep AT ALL on the plane...it was SO uncomfortable!! So we get her in the car and drive to the emergency room. I got her calmed down by the time we got to the hospital. So...we were there for about 5-6 hours and the doc said that it was anxiety that caused her puffy eye that she couldnt even open and he unability to walk/hold her own weight and uncontrolable shaking. So they gave her medicine and a CT scan just to be sure. I had to translate the medical terminology and then explain it to Bryant, who then in turn translated it in spanish to his mom and step dad. So we got home and went "back" to bed around 6am. So that was fun! But we are glad that it wasn't something else.

Later that night we met up with friends from New York that live nearby his parents house in SLC. We went bowling and out to eat. It was fun! I REALLY miss hanging out with friends out here in New York!!

The next couple of day were and still are a blur. I am sure we just hung out at his parents house and went food shopping. Bryant and I went, pretty much every night, out on a mini date. One night we went to a look out point and looked down into SLC at all the buildings, houses and lights. It was beautiful! We also had an AMAZING talk. I ALWAYS love talks when we are relaxed and there is nothing around to distract us or stress us out. I feel like that is when we are the most ourselves. Where we can say whatever we want and go deep into ideas, thoughts and feelings we have for each other. We have both felt very strongly about how much we both feel like "This is the place" for us to raise a family, as we looked out into the Salt Lake City Valley in the dead of night, holding each other.

A few days later, we took a tour of Temple Square by ourselves. Bryant has never been on the tours or in the buildings. So I thought it would be fun to do with him. Halfway threw the tour with the sister missionaries we left them! lol We went to the top of the church office building and looked at all of the church history buildings and significant places in SLC by a private tour guide at a birds eye view. We were the ONLY ones up there. It was fun!! We also took a tour of the conference building. I've been in there...bryant hasn't. So while he was listening to the guide speak I was off on my own, into la la land taking pictures of course! It was SO great to be with him. I miss spending time with him like that! =(

The next day, I suggested that we take his parents with us when we went to Park City. Bryant has been wanting to go there to see about job opportunities. There was pretty much NOTHING to do there. But we walked around, took goofy pictures and enjoyed the day.

The day after that, we went to visit one of my friends from California that lives in Orem with her little family. We left SLC early not knowing how long it would take us to get there and I found an arcade place with indoor glow in the dark mini golf, go karts and arcade games. So Bryant and I spent about 2-3 hours there. Then we went out to eat with my friends and then we spent about 30 mins trying to decide what to do. So we ended up on going to the mall and playing at the arcade. =) I was ADDICTED to Deal or No Deal!! I WON 200 tokens...the equivelent of $750,000 if you watch the game show. I would MUCH rather have the money....

Then the next day, we had plans to see 2 sets of people! lol We first stopped by Highland to see our good friends the DePaula's and have lunch with them. They were senior missionaries in our home ward back in New York who recently finshed their mission. We just LOVE them!! I haven't spoken to Brother Depaula much but I just LOVE the spirit and love that RADIATES everytime I am around him! As for Sister DePaula....she is my angel! She has helped me SO much during the worst time of my life. She understood me, listened to me and gave me kind words of advice, love and assurance. Just what I needed. I just LOVE listening to her and getting wisdom and insite from her. I also, just LOVE the spirit that I feel when I am around her. They are such special people. Sister DePaula and I came up with the idea: That the flag is no good without the pole. The pole is no good without the flag. The flag needs the stability of the pole. The pole needs the beauty of the flag and gentility of it as it blows in the soft wind. Without the flag, the pole is just a big metal stick in the ground. In short...man is no good without the woman and woman is no good without the man. Yeah...we are pretty silly! lol

Oh yeah...so then after spending a few hours with them we headed off to Mapleton to see my Uncle and his WAY silly family! The GPS kept getting us lost because there was road construction that "IT" was not aware of and kept taking us BACK into it! But we FINALLY got there. We had SUCH a great dinner and we chatted the rest of the night. I was VERY happy to FINALLY see some family. I enjoyed seeing my aunt Rosie's craftiness with scrapbooking and the love that my uncle has for geneology. I also got to see how big my little cousins are. Miss Annalyse is ALMOST as tall as me and she is like 8!!!! Jared was so silly...he's 6 I think. Bryce is 4 I think. He just kept smiling at me. They are so sweet! I miss them. So we left there around midnight. Bryant and I took the long way back home. Enjoying the company of each other, the breeze, the night lights and of course the spirit that nags us and confirms to us that we need to be there.

The next day, we went to This is the place and Hogle Zoo. This is where my camera battery starts to die. So we got a few good pics in at This is the place and NONE at the zoo. For those who know me...that SUCKED!! I took about 300+ pics this trip. This day we took his parents with us since we haven't seen them in a few days! lol =) So we spent about 4-5 hours at This is the place. I have NEVER heard of this place. It is such a significant church history place. I loved it here!!! But it was HOT! The zoo was fun! I LOVE animals but it is NOTHING compared to the Bronx Zoo! ;) We met up with friends again at the Zoo. It made it more enjoyable for me to be around friends and people who speak english-I dont have to keep asking What are you saying?? That was a bit of an "issue" in Utah. It was a nice break =)

We also met up with friends for dinner and saw a friends new baby girl. She is just SO precious!!! I got Bryant to hold her. It was SO sweet to see him hold her and speak to her in spanish. It was also funny to see him panic when she started to fuss....within a split second he said HERE take her!!! lol It was cute!

So that was our trip. I wish I was able to take more picture of our friends and family. We had SUCH a great time!! After our almost 10 day trip we took the red eye back to New York. AGAIN we didnt sleep on the plane. So when we got home at 7am we snoozed the day away. We miss Utah......

New Crib....apartment I mean...

Its been a while since I last posted on here. We moved from our tiny one bedroom 500 sq. ft apartment to a 1,000 2 bedroom basement apartment!! BUT we did have to do about 2 months worth of repair BEFORE we could even move in! There was mold EVERYWHERE!!! We had to rip out sheet rock and whatever had mold on it that we couldnt rip out, I washed with bleach and slapped on about 2 coats of paint! Seriously! It was GROSS!!! The pictures dont even show all the repairs and work we had to do just to make it liveable!!! We put sheet rock on the ceiling in 2 places where it was missing, layed tile down, fixed 2 water leaks, ripped out the sheet rock in one of our pantries and replaces it and the shelves, painted 3 coats of paint on ALL walls, washed all of the walls with bleach, washed the radiators with bleach and then spray painted them with 2-3 coats....they were an ickie pink color, threw out LOADS of garbage stuff that was down here, sealed over a couple dozen cracks, ripped out the WHOLE front door...you couldnt even OPEN the door cuz it was put in bad and some friend of his brothers broke it....so we put in a whole new door, sanded the closet doors and washed them too to get rid of the mold, replaced the base boards, put a cover over the poop door...dont ask!, fixed the windows, cleaned it after all this dusty and dirty repair work, lined ALL of the shelves with a VERY cute palm tree lining...I COULDNT put food or dishes on ANY of the shelves without them!!! and tried to rid this place of the GAZILLION spiders that infested here!!!

So here are the before and after shots.....let me know what you think!

In this pic, if you look at the pantry next to the stove, the mold went from the bottom second shelf to the floor...GROSS!

This is the livingroom/dining room, room...note the MOLD on the bottom right side of the picture on the trim and the ugly paint....it also took me about 2 hours JUST to mop the floor! ewwie!

Note the missing tiles, the table with a table cloth leaning up against the broken door AND again...MOLD near the bottom left of the picture in a closet...we had to rip out ALL of the sheet rock in the closet...there was a water leak...actually there STILL is one. And at the top of the picture there is this square thing....well its like that cuz of pipes but they just put CONSTRUCTION paper to cover it up so you dont see it....instead of being smart and using SHEET ROCK like you are supposed to!!!

This is the baby's room. Notice the UGLY pink radiator color! We painted the walls yellow, the radiator white and SCRUBBED the floors til they were the color they were supposed to be...WHITE!



This room was pretty much the worst to do! We threw out the old stuff that was in here. We painted the walls, and polished the dresser, fixed the windows and the curtains. This room had the MOST mold and spiders!!!! Even the CLOSET had mold!

Our SUPER DUPER small bathroom. But hey, it has a BIG shower!! =) Lucky the only problem with the bathroom, other than trying to figure out how to get in and not knock the toilet paper roll on the floor, was a little bit of mold and a leak under the sink. There is EXACTLY 9 inches between the sink counter top to the toilet paper roll you have to squeeze between to get in! Use the bathroom before you come over! =)


So here is the new.......

Our kitchen looking out to the living room and dining room.

This is the babys room...we have pretty much EVERYTHING for a baby...I am not joking! There is a crib, changing table, jumperoo, high chair, bouncy chair, bassinet, car seat and bathtub back there somewhere. Also, there is a rocker glider with ottoman, dresser and cubbies that are not pictured. Yes.....I am nuts! Hey! I just like being prepared!

The other wall in the babys room...I have boxes and BAGS of clothes...we are SET for the first YEAR....boy or girl!

We were in the midst of packing for Utah when this pic was taken.

I spent about 4-5 HOURS organizing this closet!!! I just have WAY too much stuff...even the laundry baskets were full of clothes!! Plus the dresser is full of clothes too.

Our messy bed....sorry! The tacky black rug will be gone soon but we need it, so oh well. We still have naked walls everywhere too. Its cute right??!! I gave up my bigger bathroom for a bigger kitchen but smaller bathroom. Now if only I could get rid of the spiders......

diary of a mad white woman with only 2 hours of sleep!!

I am SO tired I couldn't even read a simple manual for my ovulation predictor monitor. ahhhhh!! My doctor told me to get these type of tests to be SURE of when I ovulate so I can start my prometrium ASAP! So I first bought the sticks and it was SO annoying trying to read those lines, so I decided to get the VERY expensive monitor-cuz I can reuse it and WHO knows how long it will even take us! I also like that it says low, high and peak. I find myself getting SO stressed out EVERYDAY that goes by and those strips dont say anything new. I get SO worried that I will have to go BACK to the doctor and get back on medroxyprogesterone. I had NO problems before both of the miscarriages and now I have them left and right!! Because of both of the genetic conditions I have, I have to be on medicines ALL THE TIME and CONSTANTLY do tests everyday that I cant think of ANYTHING else during the day except baby stuff or if something is wrong with me! So even if we waited it would STILL drive me crazy months later....waiting and watching EVERYDAY! WHY oh WHY do I SERIOUSLY have to go threw this! It is NOTHING but torture....seriously! Not to mention not fair. It was SO easy to get pregnant both those other times....we werent really planning it or expecting it. But now that I have these conditions I HAVE to plan or the baby wont LIVE past 5 1/2 weeks...its literally impossible!
To make me feel worse....I have called my biological family and NONE of them have signs or symptoms of these disorders. BOTH sides have kids with ease. There is not ONE person in my family on either side that is having problems....even genetic ones. So WHY me??!!! SERIOUSLY!! So now that we REALLY are trying for a baby it is taking FOREVER!!! Well it feels like it anyways, everyday that ticks by with nothing!! Even in my sleep I am not safe. All I dream about are babies, seeing them, feeding them, holding them, their hair color, their smile, kissing them, their dimples....EVERYTHING! I have been even stocking up on baby stuff. To help us when we do have a baby and when I get sad I HAVE to give myself hope. Something to look forward to. When I talk about whats going on with people and how I feel I cry. I cry in frustration, fear that God is punishing me, fear that I wont EVER have a healthy baby and the pain of losing two babies. Its been almost 3 months since I lost the last baby and I still cry. I force myself not to cry because I am SO worried that if I do it will cause ALL my anxiety and the pain that comes with it, to come back. I have NO idea how to get my mind, heart and BODY back to where it was before I lost them. I want to move on and be hopeful for the next but it REALLY feels impossible. I am trying to focus on other things and put my heart and mind into other things but my body isnt following. I am getting nervous. Another day gone and NO good news. Signs that my body STILL isnt getting on track. WHAT do I have to do to catch a break????!!!!!! All I want is a family..........

I have done these.....

Highlight the items you have done!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea/ocean
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theate
r55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64.Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Made amends with someone who offended you
101. Flew in a small Cessna plane with just you and the pilot
102. Ran out of gas
103. Eaten fried okra
104. Swam in the Caribbean Sea
105. Peed in a swimming pool
106. Rented a beach house
107. Hosted an exchange student
108. Been a Secret Santa to a family in need
109. Worked on a political campaign
110. Coached a sports team
111. Baked bread from scratch
112. Driven from coast to coast
113. Paid off all of your debt
114. Roast marshmallows over a campfire
115. Cut up a credit card
116. Drove a car through a flood
117. Been on t.v
118. Danced in a cage
119. Built a playfort
120. Shoveled your neighbors walk

cant sleep and going NUTS!!

Well this week we FINALLY got back our long awaited test results. They told me I have MTHFR. Looks like mother f-er if you ask me! ha! Well, I feel that being diagnosed with this has put my worries partly to rest...there is ALWAYS room to worry for me! If you ask me, it is the best alternative than what it could have been. The other possibilitities were MUCH worse and could have me on medicine that is for the rest of my life or harmful to a baby. The medicine I will be put on will do nothing but benefit the baby and myself.
So this diagnoses is basically a rare genetic blood clotting disorder. Where my body doesnt metabolize proteins and vitamins, so it stays in my blood and thickens it. Which in turn causes blood clots. ESPECIALLY during pregnancy. So it cuts off everything getting to the baby. I will go see my NEW high risk pregnancy doctor. I am excited and scared as well. Most of you should know by now that I feel that I am destined for bad things to happen to me. I am just honestly waiting for the doc to say that he doesnt think that this blood clotting thing is causing my miscarriages or that I will never be able to have kids. Then I will have to do blood work all over again and then agonize over waiting for the test results that take FOREVER to come back. I dont think I will EVER be worry free...even if I get pregnant and am 9 months along....until the baby is here. As healthy and beautiful as can be. Sadly, even if the doc says everything is fine and I will have a healthy baby, I wont believe it til I see it. Thats what kind of girl I am.
I don't really believe peoples word. Not in a bad way...but I feel like a lot of people say things just to cheer you up. To give you hope. EVERYONE had good intentions. But I had that hope and it has been crushed SO many times, I really dont believe in it anymore. Not in just pregnancy stuff but in pretty much all things.
So I am trying to stay up beat and happy but I cant sleep. I just waiting for monday. If you anticipate the worst then you cant be let down AND if it turns out good, then its GREAT! The doctors office made the mistake of giving me a copy of my blood test results for my new doctor and I have been reading it and trying to interpret it til the wee hours of 2am this morning. I AM GOING NUTS!
Thank you all for thinking of us, praying for us and being good friends to us....especially me during this very hard time for me. I really hope all is well with all of you and that you may all have your prayers and deepest desires come true.
I love you all!