Baru

Tidak perlu bermati-matian menunding jari kepada aku.
Aku tau aku bukan malaikat yang tiada nafsu dan hanya mengenali Allah.
Aku pernah meyimpang.
Mungkin terlalu jauh. Mungkin tidak seberapa jaraknya.
Tetapi masih menyimpang.

Kini, aku ingin berubah. Cahaya mata yang telah dianugerahkan oleh Yang Maha Pengasih ini telah merombak jiwa.
Jiwa sebenarnya dirombak apabila ditemukan dengan kekasih yang digelar Suami ini.
Tetapi rombakkannya lebih terasa bila ada si manusia di dalam badan aku ini. Subhanallah. Ini kuasa Allah.

Dulu, boleh dikatakan aku membenci. Ya. Dulu, aku masih menaruh perasaan terhadap kau. Dan kau. Benci itu sejenis perasaan bukan? Makanya, aku masih menaruh perasaan terhadap kau dan dikau.

Tetapi, menjelang tahun baru ini, aku ingin baru.
Dengan bimbingan Allah s.w.t., aku ingin baru.
Aku ingin muntahkan segala kehitaman dalam hati ini.
Tidak berbaloi menyimpan kudis-kudis itu.

Mungkin dulu aku kenal kau dan dikau. Kau dan dikau yang dulu lah yang aku benci.
Tapi itu dulu.
Mungkin seperti aku, kau juga sudah berubah. Atau mahu berubah.
Aku mengaku aku tidak lagi mengenali siapa kau.
Aku tidak mahu.
Tetapi aku berdoa yang Allah s.w.t. ampunkan kita semua.
Dulu kita jahil.

Buat Anakandaku, Bonda ingin berubah - menjadi manusia yang terbaik jasad and nafs ini mampu memikul. Bonda akan doa pada Allah s.w.t. sentiasa untuk membantu Bonda yang lemah ini.

There's too much hate in the world as it is, Our Child. We, your parents (InsyaAllah) would not want to be those who add to it. Blessings that Allah s.w.t. has granted us, and you - our wonderful growing baby, are too precious for us to waste time and energy on hate.

Kami ingin baru.
Happy New Year.

Kami.

The Long Weekend

Every year round Christmas and New Year, there will be a stretch of holidays. What with the school holidays coming to an end and the need for back-to-school shopping, this would be a mad time to leave the comfort of your own home.

Unless...

You reach the store/mall just before they open for business.

Slightly extreme, if you'd ask me but this is the best time of the year to shop. Especially if you're expecting.

We always reach the mall around 9:45am. Doors open at 10am. Ideal time to visit the mall if you have a shopping purpose.

Husband and I decided to buy our own stroller/car seat since there's a good chance the niece would still want to use hers by the time Baby Ours rolls in.

Since everything was on sale, we bought the stroller and a car seat/carrier for less than RM600. That's a great buy considering the stroller is lightweight aluminum and suitable from birth to give or take 4 years old.

The car seat cradles a newborn perfectly and can hold a baby up to 9 months. Pretty big for a car seat/carrier. The niece's was Graco and was only used until she was 3 months or so because it was too small.

All in all, we're very happy with the purchases. The original plan was a budget of RM500 for car seat. And if we do need a stroller, the budget is RM1000 because we always see Graco and Chicco at the stores. Their average pricing is around the thousands. But to have only spent less than RM600 for both is surreal to me. What a save! Thank you, Allah s.w.t for the rezeki and nikmat You have bestowed upon us.

Oh...

Over the weekend, Husband and I practiced folding baby napkins/cloth diapers. It was so much fun. Husband got really good at it. :D

Bonda/Anis

Aaah! The itch!

These past few days have been excruciating in terms of itchiness. The stomach has stretched somewhat and it's sooooooooooooo itchy. I can't scratch, but what I can do is have my hair brush with me at all times and when the need arises, "brush" the itchy area. No direct skin contact though.

I personally don't mind stretch marks. If any, it'll represent a certain milestone in the journey of becoming a mother. A Bonda. Like my mother, insyaAllah one day I can tell my children proudly that they were responsible for the marks on the body. :D Lagipun, kita bukan macam artis kat Hollywood tu nak pakai bikini and such.

Application of baby oil before bed is mandatory to relieve the itch. I try to apply it everytime after bath time, but too lazy. Others recommend Palmer's Cocoa Butter cream for stretch marks. I can't stand the smell. So, I opt for Johnson's baby oil instead. It omits a nice, comforting smell, even when you sweat.

Went to see Baby Ours. Healthy, Alhamdulillah. Quiet though. Not as fidgety as the last doctor's visit. Sleeping probably. But baby did twitch and waved the arms a little. Asked the doctor if baby was a boy or girl, but the position baby was in made it impossible for doctor to tell. Shy baby. Sat all curled.

Maybe next time...

Aaaaaahhhhhhh.... it's sooooooooooooo iiiiiitttttttccchhyyyyy! *scratches with brush*

Anis

Chance

Got up this morning with the sole intention of going grocery shopping. No more veggies to cook. Fabric softener is out. So is the cooking oil as well as some other miscellaneous household items.

But...

Fell asleep after our usual breakfast and pillow talk after Subuh prayers. Woke up late morning. By the time it was time to go out, baby and I were already famished. Ayahanda too. :P

After lunch, headed off to the grocer's. Too many people shopping last minute for what I presume to be Christmas dinner tonight. No trolleys were insight. So, there goes that plan...

Decided to walk around and scout for baby car seats/strollers at Anakku. By chance, by blessed, beautiful chance, there on the self, staring at us...

CARE Deluxe Baby Monitor; Bunny version.
Original price: RM289.90
Price on sale: RM180

That is a huge difference. It was even the design we wanted. Everywhere we go, there's only the Teddy version - a version our niece already has.

Alhamdulillah, rezeki kami sekeluarga. :))))

Was bummed at first about not being able to go grocery shopping since today is one of those good days where all I want to do is walk. But the baby monitor made up for everything. :))))

Mothers and expectant mothers (and everyone who loves shopping for baby siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews), kalau ada masa and rezeki, this is the time to shop for your darling little ones...

Anis

Salaam My Family...

Salaam, and be at ease, for through Allah's Grace alone, can we find, and dwell, in the comfort we provide for each other.

Today, Ayahanda had his first class EVER, of the new semester. It was an enjoyable feeling, to meet and greet new hopefuls, intent on their intentions of furthering themselves.

Ayahanda managed to find your Uncle Saudara and Auntie AHJ at HS Cafe today. As always, Ayahanda's heart was overjoyed at seeing them well, and in apparent good health. Ayahanda mentions this momentous moment, for the simple reason of conveying a wisdom Ayahanda acquired from Uncle Saudara. It was a conversation, stimulated by Ayahanda, concerning the purpose of commencing any occasion with Al- Fatihah, and yet not culminating said events with a similar recitation. Uncle Saudara forwards that Al- Fatihah (of which the root word is fataha, meaning 'open') acts as an initial first step towards beginning any functions, and not to recite Al- Fatihah at the end of it, probably negating the action in a paradoxical loop. In short, Al- Fatihah is an opener, not a closer. Tasbir Kifarah is more suited to bring closure to events, as it generally implies 'closing'.

Ayahanda would venture that to begin any function with Al- Fatihah is to take a step forward in beseeching The Almighty for His Blessed Tidings. Maybe...

Also, Ayhanda is please to mentioned that Anakanda was making his / her presence known to Bonda. As Ayahanda rubbed the 'carriage', You were content. As Ayahanda and Bonda began in our concluding our 'Daily Five' (cursed E! channel...), Bonda said that You were comforted by Ayahanda's presence, and missed Ayahanda.

Heartily, Ayahanda, with tears welling in his tools to see Bonda and You, began the Iqamah.

Good night, My All. My Spirit. May Allah bless our lives with joy incarnate, for the path we are about to tread, as One.

Ayahanda
(Matthekage kalau nak maintain glamour...)

Heavy belly and Spendings

Husband's new semester begins today. Both for work and classes. Got settled into the classes and lecturers already. Now waiting to meet the new students at work. InsyaAllah this semester will be as good or better than the last.

Head hurts a lot lately. Maybe I've been lying down too much, but I don't have the strength to do much else. People say I should exercise. I try to. I do house chores. They expect me to take walks. I don't want to push myself. Not yet.

I haven't gotten used to this bulging belly. It's heeeeaaavvvy. But Mother would always say I haven't seen anything yet. I would get BIGGER, insyaAllah.

I can't seem to bring myself to shop anymore. Sayang nak spend money. I know these are items we need or eventually will need but I just want to spread out the spending, so as to not spend a big sum of money at one go.

January we need to get the little baby essentials. I have a long list.

February insyaAllah getting the crib. MIL offered to chip in. Alhamdulillah.

March need to get car seat that can cradle the baby instead of only sitting the baby upright. Then, we'll save on baby carrier. Niece has one. Brand; Elego. Should Google that.

Between now and the estimated date of delivery (EDD), we need to get playsuits and sleepsuits. Susahnya nak carik (yang cantik-cantik)!

See why I'm so reluctant to spend so much at one go?!

On top of lazing around and minimal house chores, I started cooking again. It's so good to eat at home. Take-outs are so bland. And unhealthy. You don't know how much of what they put in the food. Especially Ajinomoto. Sheesh!

I miss Mother and Father. Hope they'll come home soon.

Anis

Christmas shopping

Husband went on a shopping spree today. It's not really Christmas shopping but since it's around Christmas time, everything is on sale.

Mom's Care has this huge sale (and not to mention a baby fair at One Utama. Nak peggggiiiii!) so Husband and I decided that this would be a great time to get some items.

Everything was 30% off or so. Husband had his heart set on the First Few Years tub and the Fisher Price soother. We finally got both, Alhamdulillah. Rezeki Anakanda, Alhamdulillah... InsyaAllah.

Mother bought Anakanda more hooded towels and baby blankets (that doubles as a bedung and a towel). They, too, were on sale. Four pieces for only RM50. Crazy!

Bonda will be lulled to sleep by the soother tonight. :))))

Alhamdulillah, MasyaAllah. Rezeki and nikmat from Allah s.w.t.

Humbled,
Anis

Pictures for You

Once Ayahanda is bitten by the reading bug, there isn't much Bonda can do to pry him away from the book. Not that Bonda wants to. It's Ayahanda's leisure time, reading and lounging with us next to him.

So, to make the most of the time Bonda has with Ayahanda, Bonda likes to doodle with oil pastels. These are some of the results, and they are all for you, our Dearest One. We love you. Hope the colours will bring you comfort and familiarity.


This doodle represents certain significant items and the meaning behind it. One day insyaAllah, Ayahanda and Bonda will share the meaning and "inside jokes" each doodle represents.


This is Bonda's doodle of (or attempt of) a crescent moon to signify our first trimester. Ayahanda and Bonda pasted pictures of your first 14 weeks inside the womb. You are so cute, we can't resist. :D

More doodles to come (since the reading bug hasn't loosen it's grip over Ayahanda). Just for you and Ayahanda. Enjoy, my Loves.

Bonda.

It's All So Quiet... Shhh!

Internet is quiet. Friends and family blog less.

The TV world is quiet. Nothing until January. ;(

The house is quiet. Everyone's tired from the whole week of going out, shopping for the house and baby before Mother leaves this weekend.

It'd be quieter still next week. Dreading it. But it's inevitable.

Quiet.

Tapi...

*suara hati ingin keluar*
Kami tak perlu wangmu.
Kami bahagia.
Kalau ikhlas hendak diberi, kami terima dengan berlipat-lipat kasihnya.
Tapi jika wang dijadikan syarat, maka simpanlah wangmu itu.
Kami bersyukur dan bahagia dengan nikmat yang Allah s.w.t. berikan kepada kami, walaupun dimatamu ia hanya sebatang kara.

*Hah. Puas.*

Now, everything is quiet again.

Except...

...the little cheekiness that keeps kicking me on the inside every time he/she is hungry.
:D

Bonda

Rest, rest and rest some more

Morning chores always leave me drained by 7:30am.
Sort laundry. Tidy up last night's dishes. Feed fish and cats. Do laundry.
Itu je.
We start usually after Subuh prayers.
But an hour and a half later, I find myself crawling towards the bed for some shut-eye.
I would wake up around 10am only to feel sleepy again after lunch.
Before Asr, I would always steal half an hour or so and nap.
Sometimes I take longer on rainy days. :D

All I do is sleep. It feels so peaceful.
I can feel the tummy getting heavier.
And bigger.
InsyaAllah baby's growth progress is excellent.

Started throwing up again these past few days.
There are A LOT of things we think Anakanda doesn't like.
Chicken. Hot dogs. Nasi Kandar. Char Kuey Teow. (But Kuey Teow Goreng, no hal. Pelik)
I eat any of these, everything will come rushing back out.
Haih.
What is Bonda gonna to eat now, Baby Ours?

Sleepy Bonda

Wardrobe: Check, Bedding : Check!

Alhamdulillah more things are being crossed off the "To-get" list. Managed to get a drawer/wardrobe for Little Knight/Grace. InsyaAllah, ada rezeki, we'll be getting another one. It's one of those plastic drawers they sell at Giant but the make is nice and it has a safety lock on the drawers. Good baby-proofing. It's big, but not too bulky. Hence it saves a lot of space in the room.

And bedding. Oh, the bedding. The joy we got from purchasing the bedding. We bought Safe N Sound's Frog bedding coordinates. Which is extremely adorable. And it was on sale. At Robinson's. :D RM168 for a 5 piece bedding set is AMAZING. They even threw in not one, but two bolsters! Happy days, as Jamie Oliver would say.


Managed to shop for some baby stuff at Brands Outlet. They have the best clothes there. But you have to be patient. Since semua pun jual lambak aje, kena sabar mengorek sampai the bottom of the pile to find the perfect size/nice ones.

InsyaAllah Husband and I will be trying nappies on the baby instead of solely depending on disposable diapers. Mother advised we should since I had severe nappy rash issues when I was a baby. She said we might not know whose diaper compatibility genes baby might inherit. So, we should be prepared. Have a mix of cloth diapers and disposable diapers. We might save a lot in the long run.

Tropicana Medical Center is now open. Husband and I cannot wait to check out the place and see if they have any labour packages that might suit us. It's just 2 minutes away from home and it would be super if we could deliver the baby there, insyaAllah.

Happy Mama Hippo,
Anis

Bonda's Wants

Latest craving to hit me is the dire want for a bedding set. Multiple if possible.

Paradise 4 Piece Bedding Set

Eddie Bauer Teddy Bear Bedding Set

Jungle Babies Bedding Set <--- Bonda's favourite Arctic Babies Bedding Set

So far, haven't found one (that exists in Malaysia) that is to our liking. Saw one set at Choo! Choo! Train but the set, which consists of crib bumper, bed sheet and quilt, costs RM700. *whistles* Bonda and Ayahanda pun tak pernah tidur on sheets as expensive as that.

Hopefully, we can go tengok-tengok some more baby stuff sometime before the weekend. I hate going out on weekends. Although we don't have a crib yet, I just REALLY want to get a bedding set. I suppose it's one of those cravings.

Anis.

In Our Place

Over the years, Husband and I have "claimed" some places as "Ours". Mainly because we like it there and that it's always just the two of us.

1. Pizza Uno
Center Point, Bandar Utama

This place will always be ours. From the 'courting', to birthdays, to craving days... it's always Uno.

2. Taiwan House
Ampang Point, Ampang.

For the quick lunches before Husband has to rush back to work, Taiwan House has served us well.

3. Homst
Dataran Sunway, Kota Damansara

When we first moved to Kota Damansara, we didn't know of the good food joints. Homst was one of the first and it never disappoints.

4. Siam 62
Palm Spring Damansara

For a good tom yam and sweet and sour chicken on a rainy weekend evening, Siam 62 was our retreat. Good, warm food.

5. WENDY'S
Sunway Pyramid/Giant, Kota Damansara

Other burger joints have never satisfied that burger appetite like Wendy's. We'd always make the trip for their 1/4 pounders.

** This entry was prompted by the sudden hunger that mommy and baby are experiencing. :D

Very random thoughts

*Happy dah dapat J.K Rowling's Tales of Beedle the Bard. Cannot wait to read it.

*Letih sangat hari ni. Tummy keras. Maybe baby pun letih. Spent the last hour in IKANO whilst mom and the others shopped for groceries in a wheelchair Hubby-bi rented from the mall. Wheee!

*Aku bangga aku Melayu (walaupun ramai Melayu di dunia ni yang menyebabkan kita malu nak mengaku kita Melayu). Walaupun ada campur darah Cina (on maternal grandmother's side, Mongolian blood, to be exact), generally aku Melayu. Aku bangga sebab itu aku. Darah aku. Aku tak kisah insyaAllah anak kami ni lagi tinggi percentage Melayu dia. Aku harap bila dia dah besar nanti dia pun akan bangga. Tapi jangan la bangga sampai gila darjat dan bangsa. Itu dah mengarut.

*Ramai yang berkata, jangan menyesal atas apa yang dah jadi. Perkara-perkara itu yang membentuk kita yang kita kenal pada saat ini. Aku tak setuju. Kalau tiada kesal, tiada taubat. Kalau tiasa kesal, mungkin maknanya kita belum belajar betul-betul dari apa yang dah jadi. I have a few regrets. Ones that I sometimes wish never happened and wonder if I can learn a lesson another way. Aku ada regrets. Tapi tak semestinya aku masih berpegang pada regrets tu.
Aku dah lama lepas kan kau, wahai bintik-bintik hitam zaman silamku. Allah s.w.t. Maha Mengetahui. Dan disebabkan kau, wahai Regrets, aku berdoa Allah s.w.t mengampunkan aku. Hanya Dia yang berkuasa untuk mengampunkan sesiapa.

*Aku tak percaya minum soya, anak keluar berkulit putih. Aku rasa kelakar bila orang nasihatkan aku kalau nak baby jadi putih, minum soya. Paling penting, aku tak kisah baby aku kulitnya cerah ke, gelap ke. Dia cinta hati kami. Allah s.w.t's blessing. Kami berdoa cukup sifatnya dan sempurna segala satunya.

*Aku tak kisah sangat beli barang-barang baby yang mahal. Macam crib yang kami nak tu about RM900. Fisher Price Aquarium bath tub is about RM230. InsyaAllah kalau ada rezeki, this is not the only pregnancy/baby were planning to have. Kalau ada rezeki, sure nak cahaya mata lagi. Mungkin anak 2 atau 3. InsyaAllah. Jadi, barang-barang tu guarantee akan guna lagi. It's an investment, not a splurge - is what I think.

*Banyak nya thoughts. Pening dah sekarang. And I find myself thinking a lot in Malay. :D

Random Anis

Macam Org Baru Keluar Hutan

Pagi tadi kami sekeluarga pergi ke Giant, Kota Damansara. Baru bukak kat belakang rumah. Naik kereta tak sampai 2 minit dah kat dalam parking lot tempat tu.

Kitorg betul-betul macam orang baru first time keluar dari hutan masuk bandar. "Oooh... tengok tu. Ada kedai so-so". "Wah, kat sini pun ada this-and-this store". Kelakar. Memang kalau orang lain pandang kitorg masa tu mesti ingat kita ni dari kampung ulu mana entah.

Tapi yang paling buat aku menjerit dan sangat happy, kat Giant, Kota Damansara ada WENDY'S. Aku dah la mengidam Wendy's. Sekarang dah tak payah drive jauh-jauh sampai ke Sunway Pyramid. Belakang rumah dah ada. Nak makan hari-hari pun boleh.

Excitement orang pregnant macam ni la agaknya. Pasal pergi Giant yang ada Wendy's pun nak taruk dalam blog. :))))

Anis (Si Luncai yang baru keluar dari hutan rimba, kawan dengan kala jengking.)

A wonderful start to December

Alhamdulillah. December begins with a wonderful note.

Went out with the family today. One of the rare days that I'm up for going out. Headed for Gardens, Mid Valley. We love that place. It's very peaceful. Away from the pushing-and-shoving-out-of-towners visiting KL for the school holidays.

Robinson's is the place to shop for baby stuff. The selection is wonderful. Not so much their clothes, but the accessories. Mom (and Dad) bought Little Knight/Grace a rocker. The First Years' Gentle Glide Portable Glider. I am very much in love with it. Alhamdulillah. Rezeki baby.

Got 4 pieces of receiving blankets and 5 terry cloth baby towels for the low, low price of RM60. I didn't think twice before grabbing it. Where else can you get blankets and towels for that price. Total. ;)

Husband got his examination results today. He wonderfully passed with flying colours. Very proud of him. *Bonda (and on behalf of anakanda) pats Ayahanda on the back*

A wonderful start to the end of the year. Alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah.
Anis.

Home in KL

Alhamdulillah we're home in KL. Wasn't keen on leaving the home on the Island. But what to do?!

When we got home, the first thing we heard was the hoo-haas on the banning of Yoga. That was all people talked about. In blogs. During meals. We personally think that if something is banned, there is a reason. Plus, we heard that it's not 100% banned. Some Yoga studios have put out notices (like the studio I went to) verifying their trainers and techniques are in compliance with the Fatwa Council's jurisdiction. Or something like that.

Then, there's a fish tank in the house. With little salt water guppies swimming around. A present for the niece. From her mother. Truth is, it's actually for her mother. When my sister in-law was pregnant with my niece, she always wanted fishes. But at the time, we had a number of cats that could cause the fish to go into cardiac arrest. So, they never got around to getting one, until now...

I finally got the oysters I've been craving for for 3 weeks. It was satisfying, Alhamdulillah. Had a big feast at Victoria Station with the family. Everyone had their fill. I just ordered half a dozen fresh oysters (ALL for ME & baby) and a serving of Shrimp cocktail. That was it. And I'm so full. And happy. :D

Went for a check up earlier in the morning. Wanted to see how baby was doing. According to the scan, baby is now 14 weeks and 6 days. A few days older than from my calculations. Healthy, Alhamdulillah. And oh so active. Baby was fidgeting all the time the doc was scanning the tummy. Initially, baby was shy. Covered the face with the tiny little hands. Precious. Husband was over the moon. Beaming from ear to ear and talking so loudly. The excitement, it's hard to contain. :D

I missed Sri Inai's final farewell. Still can't travel too far in a car. Sad really. But Sri Inai will always be with me. *sigh*

Anis

Nostalgia

Kerap kali aku mendengar keluhan kenalan tatkala merancang hari pernikahan mereka. Keluhan yang selalu didengar adalah perselisihan faham antara idea orang tua mereka dan idea "moden" mereka.

Idea "moden" disini merangkupi relevan menghabiskan wang ringgit yang patut disimpan buat masa depan untuk majlis yang besar-besaran, kalah kahwinkan anak Sultan atau adat tradisional dengan adat "budak-budak zaman sekarang". Apa maksudnya tu, aku pun tak tahu.

Kesian mereka. Nak kahwin pun stress. Sampai bertekak siang malam. Datang hari perkahwinan masih bermasam muka. Lepas dah nikah, marah sangat kat mak ayah sampai tak dengar khabar dah lepas pindah dengan pasangan.

Nasihat aku dan si Suami adalah berikut.

Kami dulu stress jugak masa nak kahwin. Pada mulanya, dihalang kahwin. Satu pihak berkata si Suami terlalu muda. Belum ada kerja stabil. Si Suami carik kerja sambilan jadi guru bahasa Inggris yang kerjanya menggunung tetapi gaji setakat lepas duit minyak. Tapi si Suami nekad. Nak bernikah dengan aku. Nak halalkan hubungan kami. Serik dah kami heret diri dalam perhubungan yang mungkin lagi menambahkan dosa apabila berkepit-kepit tengok wayang.

Lepas tu, pihak itu tukar approach. Tak perlu kahwin lagi. Aku masih di kuliyyah. Nanti terganggu pelajaran. Aduih...

Lepas si Suami ugut untuk nak kahwin sendiri tanpa keluarga (bukan kahwin lari), dalam jangka masa terdekat walau apa terjadi, keluarga kami akur. Mula la stress merancang pula.

Banyak menarik rambut dan titisan air mata. Tapi kami nekad, hari pernikahan pada bulan Mac itu hari kami. Kami kahwin bukan untuk keluarga. Ini ibadah kami kepada Allah s.w.t. Sudah lama hidup dengan dosa. Ini hidayah kami, mungkin. Untuk bernikah.

Kami membentuk kad kahwin sendiri, tanpa approval keluarga. Kami suka. Itu sudah cukup. Tempah baju ikut warna dan fesyen sendiri. Juga tiada approval keluarga. Untuk hari nikah, kami tempah jubah sepasang sorang. Kain lace eyelet. Sale kat Binwani's. Murah semeter.

Si Suami digelakkan sebab pakai jubah. A joke, kata mereka. Macam Arab terlepas dari padang pasir. Yahudi mabuk, bak kata dialog P.Ramlee dalam cerita "Ahmad Albab". Kami senyumkan saja. Ini hari kami berdua. Disatukan.

Bakal mertua pula keras suruh pakai songket penuh di majlis bertandang. Keras aku bantah. Kamu semua boleh pandang serong pada aku sebab membantah. Tapi aku ada sebab. Itu juga hari aku dan si Suami. Kita akan buat cara kami. Tambah pula nak sewa songket mahal. Pakai sekali je pulak tu.

Tak senang hati. Jadi aku bantah.

Mungkin aku dan si Suami boleh dikatakan selfish. Tapi walaupun ada perselisihan faham, hari pernikahan kami, kami yang punya. Dan kami happy. Itu nasihat kami pada yang nak bernikah nanti. Jadikan la hari tu hari kamu dan hari pasangan kamu. Tak perlu gaduh-gaduh pasal adat la, buat untuk family la. In the end, nanti kamu yang sedih. Banyak regrets. Banyak "what-ifs". Banyak "kalau dapat hari tu jadi macam ni, atau macam tu...".

Tapi bantah jangan la sampai gaduh. Cakap elok-elok. In stages. Jangan terus satu rrapp... Manusia ni banyak yang egois. Kalau keras sangat cakap, nanti jadi benda lain disebabkan egonya. Cakap cara yang elok.

Kami happy. Despite whatever, kami happy dan kami bersyukur. March 8, 2008 itu hari kami. Selamanya.

Selamat Pengantin Baru.

Anis

Bulge

Last night was amazing. Husband and I were watching a movie. The phone rang. It was my brother, telling us that he's arrived safely in Malaysia. I walked with the phone to my parents' room to hand them the phone.

As I was walking, I felt an out-of-place pressure on my stomach, just below the belly button. I didn't think much of it. But after a while, I decided to place a hand over the said area. And there was a hard bulge.

I panicked because I've never felt it before. And the bulge twithed a little. I went to Husband to ask him to feel it. He was already squirming with glee.

The baby. The baby was moving!

It took me awhile to get to that line of thought; that it was the baby. The bulge is our baby making his/her presence known. I didn't think it was the baby because I read that at 3 months, mothers usually don't feel the baby's movements. But mom says sometimes it's like that. Some babies lagi ganas than others. Hehehe.

I hope Little Knight/Grace is alright. I hope that it wasn't a sign of distress or anything. InsyaAllah baby is ok. Bulge disappeared after we talked to baby. Probably baby was in need of some comfort from Ayahanda and Bonda.

We love you, Little Knight/Grace.

Bonda

Silence and the 13th week

After a week here on the Island with the whole family, the silence really bums you out. My brother and his family left for Malaysia already and now the house is without its gem. Our niece. Cheeky little Monster Munchkin.

Now it's just Husband, the parents, Little Knight/Grace and myself. I'm still having fun though. It's very peaceful here. Serenity. It's still sad that there's not much commotion after Monster Munchkin's departure. The silence does make me sad sometimes. Oh well...

Alhamdulillah, Little Knight/Grace is in the 13th week. InsyaAllah all will go well. We're approaching the second trimester and it's very exhilirating. The belly is swelling as it is and I read that after Week 14, baby's growth will be rapid. Hence, the growing belly. InsyaAllah baby is fine.

Little Knight/Grace has a trait. In the presence of food and during shower time, my belly will be firm. The bulge is more apparent than any other time. In the mornings, when we wake up for Subuh prayers, the stomach will be flat. We think Little Knight/Grace is still sleeping. :D

Next weekend, we'll be off to Jakarta insyaAllah. A trip before we leave for Malaysia. I'm going to hate leaving this place. I'll miss the parents so terribly. But we need to keep the doctor's appointment to check on baby's progress. Plus, there's just a lot of things waiting to be done at home. :(

Anis

FORSAKEN

You think I cannot be forsaken,
Because I'm not the...only one.
We walk amongst you feeding, bleeding,
Because we hide from everyone.
(Queen of the Damned O.S.T.)

Salaam My Hearts. Ayahanda humbly submits his utmost gracious thanks and awe to The Almighty, for through His Benevolence alone, may Ayahanda render his most precious moments here, for you to feast on.

Today, Ayahanda seems somewhat lost. This feeling is brought upon by a most enjoyable chat between Ayahanda and Bonda one night ago, regarding the sanctus sanctuary that is sanctamonious (please check whether this word actually exists...;)). The aforementioned chat revolved around family, and how you may deem yourself forsaken.

Forsaken refers to how one may experience certain negatively-prescribed feelings that serve to augnment a certain notion inherent in the mind of a person. In this instance, Ayahanda is looking at the self, and the confines of the family. These feelings may be in the form of sadness, anguish (another level of sadness), anger, alone, solitude, blind-sightedness and such.

Now, these feelings may be used for the betterment of the self. These feelings serve to:

1) Detail how wondrous life truly is, for everything exists within the conformity to the RULE OF THREE.

- Sadness, for example is accompanied by a situation that brings about said sadness, followed by the re-reasoning behind such an event/ events. Ayahanda can manipulate these three instances into bettering Ayahanda's view of life, by acknowledging how not only is there a reason for everything, but also that Ayahanda is blessed to experience these frivolous adducements, and be ultimately better for Mein Harts.

2) Acknowledge the humanity within us.

3) Increase the awareness one may share, with the spirit, mind and body.

Ayahanda truly feels that to forsake is easiest when not all of the eggs are in the same basket, i.e. when you have reciprocating counterparts, you may find that you are able to relinquish a bond a.k.a. render the state of FORSAKEN to anyone with ease.

Be wary, My Lives. In this day, with the age's waning grasp of sanity and principles, lines that go against religion (and in a deeper sense, the fabric of reality itself) are drawn every day, if not every second, if not every moment. We must remember that family is a word. What really matters is the units within that word, working together in every sense, to achieve and experience and suffer and stimulate. TOGETHER.

May Allah grant us the wisdom to change FORSAKEN to SAFEKORN. Surely, the world needs more organic corn, safe For all's Sake. InsyaAllah.

I Love You with every fibre of My Being.

Ayahanda, Family Man.

Inaian

In the year 1992, I started school. Standard 1. My parents enrolled me in one of KL's prestigious (back then, I suppose) private schools. Sekolah Sri Inai. Back then, there was a waiting list to get into the school. I was on the waiting list. My brother enrolled in the secondary school. He passed the admissions test. The school gave priority to siblings. So since he got in, I was bumped straight up the waiting list and in the school.

And in Sri Inai I remained for 11 years. Every year growing up with people I now call family. After UPSR, we went from Junior school to Senior school. Best years of my life. I learnt alot in school. And not the knowledge from books. But about life. Friends. Love. Betrayals. Loyalty.

Sri Inai was my home for 11 years. And now, it's closing down. Sri Inai closing down. It's been 6 years since I've graduated from the school but it still saddens me to hear the news. Every nook and cranny of that school holds a memory. I look at something on the grounds or so and it triggers a memory; good ones and bad ones. Things that make the me today.

I'm very sorry to hear about the school closing down. InsyaAllah ada hikmah dia. One thing is for sure, Inaians at heart we'll always be.

A very proud Inaian,

Anis

Tukar angin

Husband's exams ended. His first as a postgraduate student. Very proud of him. After a crazy semester, and the ups-and-downs of the year, he needs a break. We need a break.

Kebetulan, my parents came home for 4 days. Dad needed the break. And they missed their granddaugther. So they came back to KL and proposed that all of us go back with them to the Island. We were more than happy to agree.

Come traveling day, I was nervous. I'm still very early in my pregnancy. I'm not sure whether traveling would be good for myself and the baby. Tapi kita tawakkal. I really need to be with the family. In KL, everything is so crazy. I braced the self for the trip.

Arrival, Jakarta. Oh, this time around, the trip was lovely. The hotel was fantastic. The room was gorgeous. Le Meridien, Jakarta. My favourite hotel in Jakarta so far. We've tried a few and this is by far the best. Dinner was amazing. Had vegetable and prawn tenpura at the hotel's Japanese restaurant. I haven't had an appetite like that since getting pregnant. Mom said sebab tukar angin. Naik selera. Good la. I was getting worried that the baby might not get enough nutrients.

The next morning before breakfast, I soaked the self in the HUGE tub in our bathroom. Heaven! The water was the right temperature. And the bath salts were the therapeutic scents of Lime and Basil. Mind, body, soul and baby were so relaxed.

Breakfast buffet was AWESOME. I attacked one thing and one thing only; Waffles! Husband had a blast at the buffet line. He tried everything. Naik selera tengok dia makan. :D

Now we're on the Island. Very, very happy! Sunrise every morning as we open the pateo doors, looking out to the sea. Good food. Great company. Happy. Blessed. Loved.

Anis

Rest and Relax

We are with family.
On a beautiful island in Indonesia.
This is home.
Not just the house, but the family.

Here, we have no worries.
Hope it doesn't change when we leave at the end of the month.
I love it here.
Husband does too.
He needs the break from all the craziness.

Anis

7th November.

Salaam, a good day and a jam-spread of thanks for still being here, now.

Ah, My Loves. Today marks the day Yours Ayahanda may not soon forget.

Today - End of Ayahanda's 1st battle.

Today - Marks the day of 77 that You have sweetened our lives just a touch more than before.

Today - Yours falls in love once more.

Today - Had some Wicked Sushi sushi from the land of Bushi.

Today - Gained a better understanding on what it means to Be Alive.

Today - Started lifting weights incomparable to the ones now.

Today - Had fun with Our Lovely, Your Cousin, Oh Our Begemmed HeartShaker.

Today - Ascertained that James Blunt is really batu-batu.

Today - Continuing the pondering of whether Lucas is a Muslim.

Today - Get to Lepak with Both Mine Alls.

Today - Looking forward to tomorrow's today.

Got a bit done. Wow. This may be more than what some people do in a week. Eh, Joey?

Oh, Life is splendid.

Ayahanda and Bonda Love You!!!

Matthekage

One of those Bad Days

Had a bad day, two days in a row. Yesterday was the worst.
Threw up 'til the insides hurt.
No food or fluid wanted to stay down.
Throat burned.
Sipping down water tastes sour because of the bile.
Severe heartburn and acid indigestion.
Cried because I didn't understand what my body was going through or what I was supposed to do.
Couldn't sleep lying down because every possible gas that was in the body was trying to find an outlet but failed, so I felt it banging my chest, rib cage, all my insides - 'til I felt like I was choking.
Managed to down anti-heartburn medication; stomach quietened. Finally fell asleep as Husband was leaving for exam this morning.

Bad days.
I'm better now.

Anis

Pain relief

I have been reading up on pain killers during labour. I want to know what my choices are. I have doubts, though. Most of the pain killers leave an effect, sometimes on the baby as well. I don't want the baby to come out all doped out. And I don't want to be so numb that I cannot even feel the pressure or the strength I need to push my baby.

Epidural is out of the question. 1) It increases the chances of an emergency C-section and 2) It's through the spine. I've experienced lumbar puncture as a child and no way any needle will go anywhere near my spine again.

My brother says "Eleh, sekarang boleh la action. Buat nya contractions sakit teruk, you'll be begging for it". To that, I have this to say, "No uterus, no opinion!" :D

True, I might not handle pain as well as I would like. However, it doesn't hurt to try. I'm thinking long term. For myself and the baby. No one knows how each person and baby will react to the drugs. And I would gladly endure the pain, with Allah s.w.t.'s help, to make sure our baby is safe and drug-free.

True, I can say all this now. We still have so many months ahead. I still have a lot of questions. We'll see...

Managed to shop for some baby stuff today. Got one playsuit (with Nursery Rhyme characters on them), a hooded towel (Husband's choice) and a newborn wrap. Saw some hooded blankets. InsyaAllah will buy them next time we go out. Don't want to spend so much at one go.

Anis

24

Happy Birthday, Husband.

May Allah s.w.t. bless you always.
Semoga panjang umur.
Semoga bahagia di dunia dan di akhirat.
Bonda cinta Ayahanda.

Image courtesy of michsineath.com

The Light and Dark of Life

Alhamdulillah, we saw our little bundle of wiggling joy yesterday. 10 weeks. So, baby is no longer known as Little Embryo. Baby is now a fetus. Alhamdulillah. Growth progress is good.

When the doctor did the sonogram, baby was sleeping - still and content. I asked, "Can baby move?" and the doctor tapped the stomach and said "Wake up baby" and baby started wiggling and wiggling and wiggling. Such a joy!

Heart beat is strong, Alhamdulillah. Then came the time to snap a picture so that the doctor can check the physical growth by measuring the crown to rump length but baby turned away! Camera shy, macam Ayahanda dia. After dah pujuk-pujuk then only baby sat still for the picture. :D :D :D

That is the happier note. The light of life.

Then there's the dark.

Our condolences to Lisa and family, who lost their beloved father.

Innalillahiwa inna ilaihi roji'un.

Just before Eid, Lisa informed me that her father is battling cancer of the liver. Few weeks later, she told me that it had spread to the lungs. I couldn't go visit them. My nausea and vomiting were too bad for travel. Then last night, a mutual friend called and delivered the news.

I pray that her father will be blessed by Allah .s.w.t and placed in the ranks of orang-orang yang beriman. He was a great man. Funny. Cooked great lamb. A very loving Husband and Father. I've known Lisa since I was 7 and we practically grew up with each other's family.

I have no doubt that he is proud of you, Lisa. As a daughter. Your success as a Law graduate and an actress (who nabbed the breakthrough award at our recent Malaysian Film Festival, mind you). And of course, as the person who've become. Our condolences, love and prayers are with you.

Anis.

Art of Life (04)

Image courtesy of dontdatethatdude

A memory reel stutters to life. In her head, this time 2 years ago.

"You broke my heart,
Into pieces upon pieces.
So I did to you the only thing I knew;
The thing I learnt from you -
Breaking hearts.

So I broke yours.
I guess we're even then."

*smirks*

[Inspired by Postsecrets]

Tahniah Ummi dan Ayah baru!

Alhamdulillah a good friend has given birth to their first baby girl. Both mommy and baby are in good condition I gather (sebab lepas labour terus dia boleh hantar SMS).

Congratulations to Syazwan Rahimy and Faridatul Bariza
Alhamdulillah, MasyaAllah... Allah s.w.t. has blessed the both of you with a healthy, beautiful baby girl. Sofeah, is it?

Tahniah.
Rest well. Great sleepless nights ahead as parents.

Matt & Anis

EAT

I eat a lot! I mean, a lot! After a normal portioned meal, I'll be hungry again in about two hours. If I just snack, I'll be hungry by the end of the hour. The big loaf of bread is consumed by yours truly, singlehandedly, although not in one sitting. Little embryo is growing fast, I suppose.

InsyaAllah, we'll be seeing how Lil E is doing in the tummy tomorrow. Hopefully all is well. InsyaAllah Lil E is growing at a normal rate and no complications will arise.

Oh dear. I am so hungry. But I never know what I want to eat. Plus, since my bad throwing up stint last two weeks, I've lost a few kgs. Need to reimburse. :D For baby's sake... :D

Husband is showering. Going for dinner after prayers. I feel like I can eat a whale! A WHALE!

I hope to eat healthy.

Famished Anis.

Blessings

People usually have this to say about their loved ones: When I count my blessings, I count you twice. I never really understood that. Why would anyone count blessings? Is it even countable? I suppose it's their way of saying that they feel blessed that their loved ones are theirs.

Like my Husband. He's a blessing. A wonderful blessing. He saved me from my own moral and spiritual destruction. Never really was an angel. Felt very distant in terms of religion - like, you know you're not suppose to do something but you do it anyway because you "tak yakin" that one day you will be resurrected and all dues will be payed. I admit I was one of those people that think, "Oh, I can repent tomorrow or when I'm older. Works for some people." But with Husband, everything changed.

I tawakkal more. I believe more. I love more.

And Husband is a blessing in terms of - well, everything. Breakfast in the mornings are taken care of. Laundry, check. Dishes, check. Loving me, check. I am still recovering my strength after a somewhat gruesome 2 1/2 weeks. And everything is taken care of.

Husband takes good care of me. I feel down sometimes because I'm the only one I know who goes through a very turbulent first trimester. My mother and sister in-law don't even know what to tell me concerning remedies for nausea and the excessive vomiting because they never went through it. They breezed through their pregnancies. But Husband reassures me that everything is okay, and that we're doing great. It may seem trivial, but that really helped me get through everything.

I started writing this with so many things to say. But everything escapes me now. I'm just drenching myself in the blessing that is you, Husband. All in all, I'm only left with this to say:

Husband, you are a wondrous blessing. I am truly blessed to be with you. And that you're mine to count.

Yours

Jantung hilang seketika

Whilst waiting for Zuhur prayers, aku dok berkemban tunggu Husband habis wudhu', sambil-sambil tu aku surf internet. Nothing unusual. Tak rasa anything different. Then I caught sight of red stains on the towel. Terkejut.

Blood! Dari mana datang nya tu? Aku punya ka? Without thinking, I barged into the bathroom, banging Husband with the door. I panicked. Is this blood? Is this my blood? My heart wasn't pumping fast. It was - gone, for a split second.

Husband calmed me down. Talked to Mom on the phone. She advised to solat first, then go see a doctor. Mana pulak nak carik doctor yang boleh buat antenatal on Diwali eve ni? However, had a few places in mind. By this time, I was very calm. Thanks to Husband.

Doctor checked. Alhamdulillah, everything ok. He couldn't perform an ultrasound, but my vitals were stable. Normal. BP, pulse, temperature - all normal. Alhamdulillah.

The thing is, we don't know where the blood came from. Tak perasan. Just wanted to make sure. Be safe. It could've been from a cut or a nose bleed. Tawakkal. InsyaAllah baby is ok. Instinct says baby is ok. InsyaAllah.

Whoa. That was quite an experience. And a scare.

Anis

Scared

Been throwing up a lot. Too much to my liking. I don't know what's normal and what's not. Husband thinks I'm losing weight. I do too. I feel like it. I'm terrified. Maybe it's paranoia. I cannot tell.

Doctor's appointment is in a week. Need to postpone a day later. Husband has exams. Does not help with my phobia or paranoia that the clinic couldn't be reached yesterday.

I want to see a doctor soon. I want to know if 9 week-old baby is okay. I want to know if I'm okay.
I am scared.

*inhales. deep. breaths*

*exhales dramatically*

I just want to know.

Anis

Babyproofing

Everytime I walk around in a babystore or (my favourite) Babies R Us, I glance through the babyproofing section. Some of the stuff are so weirdly form, I often say "what on God's green earth is this?". Canggih. And expensive.

I used to think those stuff for babyproofing the home is just a marketing ploy of selling things you didn't need. I was very, very wrong. And ignorant.

I thought, "Ala, orang dulu-dulu takda pun benda ni semua, ok je anak-anak." But I forget that my brother and I bear scars now (maybe) because of that lack of babyproofing the house. And my Husband. I can only imagine the horror his mother felt when he leapt out of the second-floor balcony and landed flat on his butt, claiming "Tom & Jerry can do it?!".

Once my niece learnt how to crawl, everything became hazardous. Especially wall plugs and corners of furnitures. Now that she can run around, it only made the house a place that welcomes injury. And she loves to play with everything but her toys. Now I see the importance of the (sometimes) over priced babyproofing items. We'll definitely do our best to babyproof our room, at least.

On another note, Husband and I have made a decision on what crib toy to get for our baby, InsyaAllah. Fisher Price® Rainforest™ trumps Ocean Wonders™. The former is more appealing. But we've decided to buy only what we need now. One item a month. One important item a month, that is. Although I have absolutely no idea what is important to get first. Help!

And we sure know how to obsess. We're currently obsessing over an IKEA wall lamp that would be perfect for the nursery. However, the item is temporarily out of stock. Darn it!

I contemplated going to the doctor to get some prescription drugs that could help suppress the the nausea and the vomiting. I've been vomiting constantly and I fear that I might be dehydrated. Scary. But some friends who are mothers gave some really helpful tips that I can't wait to try out. Drugs would be our last resort.

Anis

Diam memikir

Banyak dugaan masa mengandung ni. Mood kena in-check always. Sabar tu kena extra dari selalu. Mulut tu kena tapis dua tiga kali. Telinga lagi la. Sabar...

Pening kepala pikir bilik ni nak buat bila. Kena rombak semula furnitures (mostly bookcases) yang ada dalam bilik ni. Make room for the crib and the drawer for the baby stuff. First, landing kat luar bilik ni kena kemas dulu. Wedding presents yang kami terima berbulan dulu masih mengutip habuk di luar tu. Have to pack nicely in a box. Duit gaji mesti banyak akan habis kat IKEA ni in the months to come, beli kotak dan containers. Organised. Aku suka.

Daybed yang juga mengutip habuk kat luar tu (a purchase thanks to my mother's spur of the moment spending. Tak perlu pun daybed tu sebenarnya. Dia suka-suka beli) nak suruh Abang ambik untuk jadikan katil anak dia. Budak tu kecik, tapi tidur macam orang tua. Melintang sana, melintang sini. So katil pun kena katil orang tua.

Apa lagi ya? Oh, nak hire the per-hour cleaners suruh cuci bilik air. Scrub atas bawah sampai berkilat semua. Bukan tak boleh buat sendiri. Bukan malas. Tapi tu kerja berat. Strain sangat on the body.

Masih dalam minggu yang morning sickness teruk. And I mean, teruk! Takut dehydrated. Antenatal check up next week, macam-macam nak tanya doctor. InsyaAllah, all will go well. Tak sabar nya nak tengok si kecil dalam perut ni tengah buat apa. Dia ok ka? Since aku ada retroverted uterus, will the coming months of pregnancy be ok and safe? Seram. Tapi tawakkal.

Harap-harap ayahanda dan ibunda akan pulang ke tanahair soon. Aku mau manja dengan ibunda. Suruh dia masak macam-macam. Dia boleh start delegate task and tolong kemas bilik kakak ipar dan landing tu supaya bilik ni will be ready for the baby (stuff). Aduh, rindu nya.

Anis

Out of the Blue

Have been thinking a lot about what's to come. Nothing major or anything, other than the baby, of course, insyaAllah. Random thoughts at random moments.

I was always taught to say "Alhamdulillah, MasyaAllah" when someone praises me/what I do/people I know and love. But when I say it, they think I'm conceited. They expect the "eh, mana ada! Takda lah" to things like "Awak pandai la" or "Cantik nya baju awak". Dah orang puji. Cakap "Mana ada" tu macam kita doa supaya kita ni tak pandai/baju tak lawa. Pelik.

Lagi satu pasal "MasyaAllah". Bukankah kita patut lafaz "MasyaAllah" pada perkara yang elok-elok. Like babies. We say, "Comelnya, masyaAllah". Ni kang banyak orang nampak atau dilanda musibah lafaz "MasyaAllah". Sungguh pelik. And somewhat annoying. Concerning this matter, only Allah s.w.t. knows.

I just realised that due to the pushing back of the release date for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Husband and I may not be able to watch it because WE'RE HAVING A BABY. Or insyaAllah by the time of its release, we'll already have a baby. I curse WB for the move to a "Summer Slot". Takkan nak jadi one of those parents yang bawak a 3 month old baby pegi tengok wayang midnight show. We've all seen those people. Tak paham aku manusia ni.

"Masters macam mana?" is what people say when they see me and I tell them we're having a baby. Honestly, the baby is our top priority. InsyaAllah in the future, if Allah s.w.t wills it and ada rezeki, will continue my Masters some other time.

Anis

Morning sickness

As usual, after Husband and I are done with subuh prayers and a very short wirid (itu pun nasib baik sempat wirid), I'd be quickening my pace to the toilet and have the whole glass of water I just chugged down when I woke up, shoot right out of me.

Some mornings, like today, I'd hear another lady some houses away, throwing up quite heavily. Hers is worse, I suppose, because she's louder. I wonder, "is she pregnant too? Oh, she sounds horrible. Poor thing." I couldn't help smiling though. Morning sickness. It's a wonderful experience, actually. This is the first trimester of a pregnancy. There's a baby, insyaAllah, growing inside of you. :D I bet that lady is quite happy to be throwing up as well.

Husband and I have been reading the baby book we bought. It's very helpful. We now understand why morning sickness happens and how to ease the discomfort a little. We're in our 7th/8th week which marks the worst wave of morning sickness, or so to speak. We're hoping it tones down after Week 12 or so.

Here's hoping.
And here's a question; Why "morning" sickness when it doesn't only happen in the morning? For me, it's round the clock. The only time I don't feel like throwing up is when I'm asleep.

Anis

Heartbeats

We saw our Little One's heartbeat today.
Subhanallah. MasyaAllah.
It was the most beautiful flickering, white dot I've ever seen.
Steady. Fluttering. Strong.
That's our 7 weeks and 4 days Little Embryo.

Allah s.w.t is Great. Mighty.
We are truly blessed.
We are very grateful to Him.
Alhamdulillah.

Our hearts swell with so much pride and happiness, it seems World Peace is possible.
I love you, Ayahanda.
I love you, Little One.

Bonda.

My Super Hubby-bi

Truly, I am blessed. For my husband is my Husband.

Since the beginning of October, the pregnancy seems to be taking it's toll on me. I am officially a "toilet-hugger". Yes, that's how badly I've been throwing up. Even when everything is already out via projectile vomiting, I still have to throw up. So, the abdominal muscle start to cramp and the throat burns from the acidic stomach bile, leaving me exhausted afterwards.

Husband being who he is, is my rock. Always telling me what a wonderful job I'm doing at handling things, and myself. Always offering to dash to the store to get exactly what I want to eat. Always running to the toilet when he hears me hurling. Always reminding me that apa yang jadi pada kita adalah yang terbaik untuk kita, no matter how bad things seem at that moment. Always my rock. Always the best man!

On days I am hit badly with nausea and headaches, Husband offers to stay home. I always tell him I'll be okay but he's already making a phone call arranging for his assignments to be taken down for him or informing a lecturer of his pending absence.

On days I cannot seem to function, like today, Husband cooks. That's his joy; cooking. He loves the kitchen, and I love his cooking - win/win situation, no?

To my Super Hubby-bi. My Mr. Walter-man.
Thank you.
I LOVE YOU.

Dinda.

Little Embryo

Baby mine,
Bonda and Ayahanda love you very much.
Lekat elok-elok ya.
You take your time. We'll be right here, InsyaAllah.

Listen to your Ayahanda.
Every night, he loves to have a chat with you, sometimes sing.
Listen, ya. He is wise. And gong. :D
A very valuable combination.

Despite the occasional turmoil and evil,
this world is actually a beautiful place.
And insyaAllah, it'll be even more so when you arrive.
Bonda knows you'll be beautiful in every way.
Because you have a part of your Ayahanda in you.

Don't mind people if they have something unintelligent to say about you.
Or your Ayahanda and Bonda.
We love you already now that you're just our little embryo.
Imagine how much we'll love, insyaAllah when you're you.
People can say that you'll be a dark baby ke, have your Bonda's very pronounce and disturbingly visible chin ke,
Be ganas ke, Won't like to mandi ke,
Biar.
You are you.
We love you.
You are perfect in every way that Allah s.w.t has created you.
Unintelligent people like them can go fly kites.

So baby mine,
Our knight/Our grace,
Lekat elok-elok ya.
We love you.

InsyaAllah we'll see how you're doing in there, next week.

Bonda

The Cannots

7 weeks into the pregnancy (Alhamdulillah) and I'm struck with fever. Sore throat possibly caused by the festive season (makan macam-macam at one time) has left me fighting a slight fever. Now the sniffles is making its presence known. We went to go see our family doctor to get the mildest of prescriptions because we don't want our little embryo's food source to be tainted with unnecessary drugs.

We learnt quite a few things during this early stages of pregnancy. Mainly that I will be very much out of it, in terms of morning sickness, just right after Subuh prayers. Other "cannot"s largely involve food.

I cannot eat my normal portion of meals in one sitting, or else everything would come rushing back out. i.e. I can no longer eat two pieces of toast for breakfast. Just one, maybe just half.

I cannot eat McDonald's. Or smell any of the burgers. Fries, on the other hand, is fine.

I cannot eat chicken. I realised that my taste buds have rejected the taste of chicken and the throat refuses to swallow even a morsel of poultry.

I cannot smell frying food. The kitchen, when someone is cooking, is off limits.

I can no longer stomach Snapple®. :(

I cannot feed the cats. I go near the cats and someone will be screaming (or according to Husband, lovingly calling out with extreme loudness) at me to come back inside the house.

I cannot do laundry, or at least I cannot carry our laundry basket, even if there are only two or three items of clothing in it.

Looking forward to finding out more of our "Cannot"s.

Anis

Eid 2008; Love and Drama

Happy Eidul Fitri everyone.

Raya this year is wonderful. Never short of Love and Drama. First as a wife and an expectant mother. The Raya morning was a slight damper to the excitement in a way because I couldn't get out of bed. Queasy. Nauseous. Light-headed. Cramps. All in waves flooded over. Got ready slightly later than usual. Raya with Husband's family later than scheduled. Got to Kg. Pandan later than expected. But all were awesome.

The next day was overshadowed by some unwanted events. It is never fair when you and/or the one you love, become the outlet, the target of someone's anger and unhappiness, which is clearly meant for someone else. However, we refuse to fuel any flames with unnecessary catty retorts. It is enough that we know, more importantly, Allah s.w.t. knows, what were or weren't our intentions.

The unfortunate event was a constant gray cloud over Eid, but nothing could make us any less happy. We had a great time with family. Mommy, Daddy, Brother, Sister in-law, Niece, Husband; it's always a crazy fun time when we're all in one place. Great food. The trip back to Kuantan was wonderful. And the whole pregnancy-related nine yards.

Patiently waiting for day 120 of pregnancy, when the ruh is bestowed by Allah s.w.t upon this lump of congealed blood in my belly.

Anis

A Tale of Three Hearts...

Salaam to you, Our precious. The one Allah has agreed is our due. The one to save the world. You.

Know that we caught wind of your descent barely a week ago. The experience has been surreal, to say the least.

In the deepest recess of my heart, I want nothing but the absolute best for you. All that Allah deems worthy of you, me, your Bonda. Your family. Yours.

In my heart also dwells the DRAGON. This Dragon shakes my foundation with uncertainties. I am plagued by abnormalities of the soul. I choose not to suffer betrayers, and yet I allow myself to be consumed by their treachery. I want none of this to touch you, Ember of Life.

You are pure. I, your Ayahanda, am not. Yet.

I vow to you, and to your Bonda, Lifegiver herself, and more importantly to Allah The Almighty, that I shall cleanse myself of all ridicule and cancer that the world has enough of, and start giving off better things. Feelings. Sentiments. Good-will. Regardless of its essence, nay, NATURE, I opt to be the best for You, and your Bonda.

I choose to do so, because We Love You, and in order to prepare you in facing this poodoo of a world, we need to make sure You are surrounded by all that is good and pure. That's the word. PURE. All of You is pure. You deserve nothing less.

Forgive Your Ayahanda his failings and shortcomings then, for they are his toys growing up, and they have such a hold on him.

No matter.

For You, I'll do anything. With Your Bonda by my side, I can do anything. Be anything. Even the best. For YOU.

We look forward to you brightening the grass this side of Heaven.

Before any other- Thank You.
Alongside Bonda- We Love You.

To Our Unborn Child, whom We Love to pieces, and cherish beyond all mortal ties.

Be strong. Be steadfast. Be kind. Be the one to rise to the occasion, and Rise to lead. To aid. To inspire. You have it in you, to be first and foremost, A True Muslim, one who does not shy away from his Islamic roots, instead embracing them. One proud to be pure of blood, a mixture of all that course through the land, hating no other, loving all. One blessed with the knowledge that Identity is not everything, but merely a lamp that guides angels to your doorsteps, who will knock upon the door of your heart, asking permission to seek you and visit you, all in order to please the Will of Allah.

Be that Man. Be that Woman. Be You. We are always here to offer you guidance, and a shoulder or two. We are here. And we are waiting.

And of said Dragon, I'll keep you posted.

Ayahanda

Cravings

I have cramps at the lower abdomen. Similar to mild period cramps. From my reading, it is normal throughout the embryo stage of the pregnancy for a woman to feel cramps. It's an indication that the embryo is developing, growing.

Some may think it's too early in the pregnancy to get hit by waves of cravings but I'm definitely feeling it. So far, other than the sirap, there are two things that I constantly crave for and nothing else will do other than these two.

1) Eggs. Scrambled with milk, a pinch of salt and pepper, diced yellow onions and white button mushrooms. I eat it just like that. No bread. No sauces. Just the scrambled eggs.

2) Cold Snapple® Cranberry Rasberry from the bottle.

It's a good thing that these items are easy to come by. I now feel a new craving arising. Pizza Uno's Boscaiola Fettucine (cream sauce).

Anis

Our First Trimester

Alhamdulillah. Things have been good since we found out that we're pregnant. Now Husband resorts to not only kissing my forehead after solat but also the belly, saying hello to the baby.

Since we found out earlier this week, not much has changed. I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant and would go about doing my normal chores, lifting heavy stuff. There's a lot to get use to.

No morning sickness, Alhamdulillah. I do get killer headaches though. One's that prohibit me from moving or lying down, or do anything for that fact. Since we'd like our baby to be drug free, I endure it. I force myself to sleep so that the pain would go away.

I've missed two days of puasa since we found out we're pregnant. Maybe it's psychological but I feel extremely weak. And the first wave of cravings hit me today. I have this dire craving for sirap. The red, cold, sinfully sweet, sirap. I think it's a craving because that's all I can think of. The sirap. I taste it in my mouth. It's like, I NEED it.

Going shopping for baby books after Raya, insyaAllah. Would like to find some books pertaining to Malay/Asian/Muslim women. The other books in the boo store are all from either USA or UK. I know we're all human and to an extent, the same. But our diets and practices differ. So, I might not be able to relate to those books as much as I would a book by/on Malays/Asians/Muslims.

Everything's so new. :D Alhamdulillah.

Anis

Allah s.w.t is Great

Positive.
The line on the left is in the shadows, but it's there.

Alhamdulillah, we are pregnant.
Allah s.w.t. is Great.
We are ecstatic.
InsyaAllah all will be fine.
More development on the baby after Eid.
Giddy with happiness.
We are grateful to Allah s.w.t.
*Sujud syukur*

Ayahanda and Bonda to-be, insyaAllah.

Mereka-mereka yang sinis

Terasa hati aku ni yang ramai juga orang yang sinis, tidak percaya bahwasanya aku ini bahagia. Pelik sungguh ka untuk menerima yang aku ni bahagia? Ingat kalau couple lama-lama dengan boyfriend pastu kahwin, baru bahagia ka? Ingat aku kahwin dengan si Suami, seorang kawan karib aku dari zaman mula universiti ni, cuma impulse ka?

Alhamdulillah, jodoh aku bersama dia. Tak kira la sebelum tu dia ada girlfriend dan aku, seorang boyfriend. Hubungan kami dengan si dia-dia dulu dah pincang. Remuk. Hancur. Tak perlu ada orang ketiga untuk meleraikannya. Tak usah la tuduh aku meninggalkan orang sebelum si Suami semata-mata untuk si Suami. Jelak aku mendengarnya. Dah tak jadi, dah la. Kau sakit hati apa? Dan tak usah la menuduh si Suami curi aku dari pasangan dulu la, curang kat pasangan dia dulu la. Macam-macam. Jelak.

Kira nya sekarang, Alhamdulillah. Aku bahagia. Tak pernah aku rasa bahagia sebegini. Dalam masa dua tahun ni, aku jarang mengalirkan air mata. Kurang sedih. Jarang bertengkar.

Susah nak percaya? Tak mengapa. Memang benar aku dan si Suami jarang bertengkar. Tak ada situasi hempas pinggan atau slam pintu sebab benggang. Ada tak puas hati atau berselisih-faham, kita bincang. Allah s.w.t bagi 'aql kan? Guna la.

Orang kini sering bertanya, "Bila nak berbadan dua? Cousin kau yang baru kahwin tu dah nak beranak dah pun. Kau bila?" Kadang-kadang, marah la juga bila mendengar sang kecoh tu berkata-kata begitu. Macam mereka seronok tengok orang sengsara, tidak beranak.

Tapi, maaf sebab aku kecewakan kau. Aku tidak sengsara. Si Suami tidak sengsara. Ada sebab Allah s.w.t belum menganugerahkan cahaya mata kepada kami. Mungkin belum sedia untuk menjadi seorang ibu dan seorang bapa. Tidak akan kita tahu. Hanya Allah s.w.t sahaja yang tahu kerana Dia Maha Mengetahui

Dia tahu bisikkan hati aku ni yang sentiasa berdoa untuk mengandung. Kadang-kadang mengalir air mata bila datang bulan. Tapi aku redha. Allah s.w.t tahu apa yang terbaik untuk aku. Untuk kamu, dan kamu. Aku cuma boleh berusaha, dan tawakal. Aku berserah segalanya kepada Allah s.w.t.

Aku bahagia. Aku redha.
Aku tenang.

Anis.

Where Books dwell

A tiny part of the library in our home

A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.

Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid. (p. 76)
Lemony Snicket

Post-nuptial events

Shopping then, and shopping after you're married is different. The perks are definitely more. And the satisfaction of the purchases together; priceless.

I am excited by the slightest new event that accompanies married life. First and foremost, this will be my first Eid as a wife, insyaAllah. The Eid shopping is done with Husband, no longer by one's self, looking for the perfect item of clothing to garment the self. Husband got a pair of baju melayu (beautiful material and colour), songket tenun and butang baju melayu for a very affordable price. Bargaining is a wonderful thing.

Second of all, duit raya. We are officially expected to hand out duit raya this year, what with being married and employed and all. I am very excited about this little event. The specified amount for Husband's younger siblings and our little niece have been put aside, tucked neatly in festive packets. I feel proud. Of Husband. Of the me that I am now.

Husband's Transformers Animated collection

Then there's shopping for Husband's treats. His love. His passion. His child-within.
Transformers®. (Transformers Animated™, Star Wars® Transformers Crossovers™, etc.)
The look he gets after every successful purchase is ecstasy to me. The items that is bought is defined by what it means to Husband; where is was bought, when, why, with whom. Every item is a passion, and a memory. To glance up at the shelf that houses most of Husband's collection is very comforting and soothing to me.

Shopping and spending has a new meaning now.
Looking forward to more that comes with being married. And the coming Eid.

Anis

Ramadhan delights

The perks that come with Ramadhan are aplenty. And not just spiritually, but in terms of food and other wonderful treats.

Occasionally, Husband and I make a trip to a Bazaar Ramadhan a few blocks away from our place. A snug little place by a petrol station. And that is where we stumbled upon the most precious (and delicious) treasure of the Bazaar Ramadhan; Hawaiian Blue Lemon. A drink so good it's addictive. Lemonade mixed with Ice-cream soda garnished with a few slices of lemon. :D

This year, Zakat Fitrah akan dibayar oleh Suami, bukan lagi Ayahanda. Sebak memikirkan nya. Bangga melihat si Suami excited untuk menerima gajinya supaya dapat melangsungkan satu ibadah kepada Allah s.w.t yang sangat indah. Sibuk survey shopping complex and other areas for the booth that says "Bayar Zakat Fitrah anda disini". Sebagai seorang isteri, I'm very very proud.

Shopping Raya itu satu yang wajib pada bulan Ramadhan ni. The shopping is not for me though. I have a few new baju kurung yang belum pernah pakai lagi. Any one of them will do. But for Husband. Would love to get him a new set of baju melayu (colour matching mine), sampin and butang baju melayu.

InsyaAllah, Eid this year will be a blast.
Indah sungguh Ramadhan ya?

Anis

Midnight thoughts; Books

Another trip to the bookstore today left me excited to peruse the pages of the newly purchased John Connolly book. At the bookstore, the sensation as the fingers traced the spines of the many unread books ignite my curiousity. What is this book about? What's the story? Who's the author? How does it end?

How my eyes dart without focus due to the unlimited visual splash of print and colours and illustrations upon the towering shelves make me dizzy. A sensation I have grown to love the moment I fell in love with books. I remember the first book I brought home. Ladybird's Peter and Jane. Kindergarten. I was 4 years old.

Then I moved up to Beatrix Potter. Then Enid Blyton. And then one day, I traded children's stories for books from my mother's library; Stephen King. Mario Puzo. I was about 9 or 10 years old.

Just before I was 13 years old, my mother presented me with a second-hand copy of Lorenzo Carcaterra's Sleepers. Until this day, it has remained one of my favourite books. When I fell in love with Husband the year he turned 22, I couldn't quite figure out what to get for his birthday. I searched the mind (and malls) for a treasure worthy of him. I came up empty handed. Until I looked at my then very tiny library. I gave him my mother's Carcaterra book. It is a gem to me. I had hoped it would be the same for him. The look on his face when he stripped the book of its dull-patterned gift wrapper was priceless.

Nights when Husband and I would be propped up in bed, reading, as we maintain physical contact by crossing one of my foot and one of his at the ankles are precious to me. The pillow-talks that follow - even better.

Is it a mystery that I chose to study English Literature and now, I'm choosing to become a librarian? It's in my blood, so to speak.

Anis

Kanda

Salaam Kanda.

I know I can say all this to you, in person. But you're away for Friday prayers at the moment and I have to pen this now.

I love you so much, my Love. My Heart.
When I had an almost-breakdown caused by those irrational fears, you were the sound reason that steadied the swaying me.
I know now what poets and storytellers meant when they say that all fears die when you are in the arms of Love.
When held by you, there is only peace. Love. Safety. Warmth. Joy. Laughter.
My fears dissolved. Non existent.
In it's place; hope.

Thank you, my Dearest. My Husband. My Life.

Dinda

worry (n.) anxiety, unease

On days that I am alone for a long period of time, my mind wonders about random things. First, I'd be thinking of a plot of a story I had just read. The next, I'd be thinking about a conversation with Husband. Then, the part I dread, the mind would wander off to think of irrational thoughts.

Not so much 'thought' as it is 'fear'. The "What if"s would be plaguing the mind until I would have to force the self to snap out of it.

I worry about the processing of the Masters application.
I worry about what to cook for buka/sahur tonight and pre-planning for tomorrow.
I worry about a pending doctor's appointment.
I worry about what the doctor might say.
I worry that the kitten I'm currently nursing will die, just like his other two siblings.
I worry about Husband's assignments/presentations/exams. Nothing he can't handle. I just worry.

Worry. A curious thing, worry.

A part of me thinks that these are all valid fears. However, another part thinks they're irrational fears.

I worry too much when I'm alone.

Anis

Saving

It's amazing what you can save with just a dash of effort.

When I was living on my own whilst my parents were abroad and my brother works and plays really hard (before he got married), I never used to cook so much. I find it a bit of a hassle. Especially during Ramadhan. For sahur, I'd buy some lauk and a packet of steamed rice the night before from any nasik campur stores and eat it later when I get up. That alone usually costs me about RM5 - RM10 depending on what kind of lauk and how many I get. Mind you, that's RM5 - RM10 in one sitting. Most of the time, the steamed rice is only half of an ideal portion.

Now, I cook most of the time because I find it satisfying - and we save a lot. For example, when we get fillet chicken breasts from the supermarket, it'll cost more or less RM9 a packet. Before I refrigerate them, I tend to divide them into two, maybe three separate ziplock bags/aluminium foil. That's RM9 for two, maybe three meals.

I can cook any amount of steamed rice that Husband can consume happily without having to worry about exceeding our budget.

And if there are leftovers, we usually try and finish it the next day, which means I don't have to cook on the day there are leftovers from the day/night before - saving more.

Cook = save (if your food consumption is anywhere near the rate of this family's)

We may be frugal. We try to be careful with money. We have a future to plan for. And books to buy. *grins*

Anis.

Bitter Truths

The problem with going to the bookstore to get the books on my "Want-to-read" list is that I will always find titles to add on that list while browsing for the books I was there to get. So now, I have a longer list than when I started. Bought three of the many books yesterday and I managed to pre-order the new J.K. Rowling book. I finished one of three books in a single night. I had to muster all the will power I could to not purchase anymore books when Husband and I went to the bookstore again today.

Must. Be. Strong.
Must. Finish. Books. Bought. Yesterday. First.

The book I finished in a night is Snicket's "Horseradish; Bitter truths you can't avoid". The book made me laugh and it made me think. I love books that provoke imagination and thought. One of the passages in the book (some carefully selected from The Series of Unfortunate Events) caught my attention and it made me think of the wedding-preparation days:

"Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold."

Too true. Too true. Those in the midst of wedding preparations or will be soon or in the future, when "orang tua-tua" fuss about the unnecessary (and often times, clashing with Islamic values) adat, throw this quote against their stubborn, blue-haired heads!

Thank you, Lemony Snicket.

Anis

Book shopping

Other than being with Husband, nothing soothes me more than being in the presence of books. A trip to the book store makes me giddy, just like the supposed child in the candy store.

After finishing Keith Donohue's The Stolen Child (great read, by the way) I have officially finished my haven't-read-yet books from our personal library. That library is taking up so much space in our room. If and when we have a baby and have not gotten our own place by that time, we sadly would have to move the three huge IKEA bookcases.

Money used to buy books are definitely money well spent. Even the bad buys are good buys, in a way. I've bought two new books from Borders. InsyaAllah later will be going to another Borders to purchase a book I've recently reserved. Then would like to go to Kinokuniya and purchase another book (with a certain cover) because Kinokuniya is the only place that has it.

I find that a cover of a book is very important. Sure, people say that the contents are the same even if the covers are different. But, I have to have a certain cover. It's my fetish, so to speak. Having the perfect cover is exhilarating.

I hate movie tie-in covers because the faces of the actors leaves little room for the mind to conjure an image described in the book i.e. Phillipa Gregory's The Other Boleyn Girl. I regret not waiting for the new stock of Scribner Paperback, because the cover is gorgeous. The one with the cast - not so much.

So when I want to buy a book, I'd always look online and see if there are different covers to a certain book. Only then will I make my purchase.

Don't judge a book by it's cover, people say. But if you want to get a book, get the cover that you adore. The cover plays a part (along with the great plot and penmanship) in attracting you to grab the book and finish it.

I love books. They are to me what shoes are to Carrie Bradshaw. Bradshaw has a closet. I have a library. We're all happy.

Anis

Ramadhan

In this holiest of months, numerous changes have been witnessed.

I just smile and brush off comments about the field I am pursuing for Masters. Some say it's not challenging and it's too safe. But I know what I want. I honestly can't say the same for some. And my Husband believes in me. I am adamant. I want to be a librarian.

Husband smiles and handles himself with much grace and maturity as one of the biggest blows is delivered. About a year ago, curses would have been flying and someone's face would have been very much mutilated. But the man he has become is better than that. He rises to the occasion. He is the reason that they need. He is the son and the man of the family. He is my Husband.

Certain changes, minutiae as they are, courses through the both of us. Alhamdulillah, we are growing. May we have the blessings of Allah s.w.t and may He guide us through it all.

Anis

Art of Life (02)

I stand here, as though from the other side of the glass.
Like on the outside looking in.
I see me, a years-ago me, when I look at you.
The me that was an eager child in love.
Younger. Naive. Stupid even.

It irritates me so much to have so many things to say that are "unmentionable".
History is repeating itself,
Just not to me. But to you.
I cannot protect you. You wouldn't listen. I know you won't.
Why is this happening again? Why are you letting it happen?
Didn't you see how my life was when I was in your place then?
Are you destined to live the life that I managed to escape?
Will I be able to see what my life would have been like just by looking at you?

I am a coward. I should say all this to you. I shouldn't be "the supportive" one. I want to tell you. But I can't. Not that I won't.
My conscience won't let me. My better judgment frowns upon it.
Thus, I shall stay a hypocrite.

September

For the first time in my life, I am excited at the prospect of working. Working as in an occupation. InsyaAllah will be applying for Masters next week but the processing of the application may take some time. Even then, we might not get the place. We're staying positive and tawakal.

The Masters degree program that I'm applying for have a practical course. And from there, I could be eased into the working environment. I admit that the desire to work is non-existent mainly because of fear. Of what, you might ask? The list is fickle, ever-changing and somewhat endless. I'm very grateful that no one, especially my Husband, is pressuring me to get my own paycheck.

Much to look forward to come September. Other than the Masters application, there's Ramadhan; my first as a Wife. Much to atone for. Before marrying my Husband, I admit I was on very thin spiritual ice. Now, it's different. Husband brings out the best in me. The niah and the awareness is there. Execution, not quite. For that, I only have myself to blame. There have been progress, which I'm very proud of. Hopefully, Allah s.w.t will grant me the strength for better progress in my days to come. Starting now...

Then there's the fall line up of the precious TV series. The boys of Entourage will be back on the 7th. Gossip Girl. House. Supernatural. Bones. Scrubs. How I Met Your Mother. Just to name a few. I better get the laptop re-formatted and fixed pronto.

InsyaAllah, it's going to be an exciting month.

Anis

Foreshadowing perhaps?

The family (excluding my brother) were back in Kuantan for a night. Hence when Husband and brother were at work, I was alone at home. It gave me a sense of foreshadowing, of sorts.

As I sent off Husband to the car and he drove off to work, I picked up the broom and swept the porch. I scolded the cats for doing their business where they shouldn't but later succumbed to their adorable beings and pampered them with (more) food. Then I started the washing machine and did two loads of laundry. After hanging them to dry, I scurried inside to start on lunch. Husband requested a specific dish so I was working on that and on something I wanted to try for the first time. The dishes were Ayam Kicap (Husband's request) and Gulai Kuning Telur.

I went about my chopping and onion-sweating and blending and tasting whilst all the songs from Maroon 5's "It Won't Be Soon Before Long" album filled the kitchen. When that album was done and I still had to wait for the second dish to cook, I put on Muse's "Black Holes and Revelations" album. Once everything was cooked, I cleared the sink of all the pots and pans I used. Then, I went to take a shower and waited for Husband to come home for lunch.

After getting dressed, I felt this pang of foreshadowing. Could this be what it will be like, feel like once we have our own place? Our own home? One wonders. It feels liberating, somehow. It feels good. Soon, insyaAllah.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Anis

Commencement. Convocation. Graduation.

Alhamdulillah, the Convocation today went superbly well. It was nervewrecking on the way to the University, thinking that this is going to be the end (finally) of the last four academic years of my life. It's a wonderful feeling, yet overwhelming at the same time.

I couldn't stop smiling as we approached the stage to receive our mock degrees (actual degrees are to be collected after the ceremony). I kept whooping and cheering as they announced "Bachelor of Human Sciences; English Language and Literature, with Honours". We cheered tremendously for our comrade who was named Valedictorian and for a very pregnant friend, who is determined to graduate despite the swelling belly. I smiled the whole way through. Even more so because I could see my Husband recording the precious moments on the video camera. It makes everything so much better that my parents and Husband were there to share this monumental day with me.

I hope they are proud of me; that I have graduated and that I am on the Rector's List. Alhamdulillah. That was an awesome feeling to read my name amongst such an intelligent list of people on the Rector's List. Definitely a defining moment. Alhamdulillah, Masya Allah.

A congratulatory nod to all of the friends and peers who donned the robe, hood and mortar board to receive that degree which was slaved for for the past four years. If only I could fling the mortar board in the air as a tribute. Unfortunately, the entire outfit needs to be returned by week's end, unscathed.

The proud graduate,
Anis