BALDY is not an Original Name for a Mountain

BALDY is not an Original Name for a Mountain, but I decided I'd climb it anyway.
Apparently, every mountain that doesn't have trees around its peak warrants a name of 'Baldy' AND Baldy can just be a nickname for that mountain, it doesn't even have to be the real name! Now, I of all people understand the need for a good nickname. I mean, i usually can't even remember people's real names ; for example, Comptron and FB's real names totally escape me. I only know one is a robot and the other an architectural-structure/flying-death-machine.

Anyway, not sure who comes up with these, but its probably the same person that names everything Devil this, Devil that. When I road my bike down the California coast in '94, I encountered far too many Devil's Backbones, Devil's Punchbowl, Devil's Staircase and Mount Diablos and my ride was only along Highway 1. Yeah, so this Mt. Baldy was actually named Mt San Antonio, which is even more confusing since there doesn't seem to be any explanation as to why. Well, the Angelinos may not be able to name their mountains very well, but at least they know their concrete.
So, the Voz, pictured above, lead the way to the top. He served as my sherpa and guide from the moment we got off the ski lift and hiked to the top to him talking me out of sliding along the stopped ski lift cable to save us from freezing there throughout the night (luckily, only minutes later the ski lift started again).

I dedicate this climb to the number 88.
and this pose to Todd Taylor, the Postman. All in all, Baldy (the one near downtown LA) is a great climb.

Tryppin' on Thanksgivin'

The SIDs usually start off Thanksgiving by writing everything we are thankful for on a roll of receipt paper that reaches from the ceiling to the floor. In order to achieve that goal, we were thankful for very specific things : each finger, each spoke on our bicycles and every GI Joe and their weapons.

Before the children's children came into picture (pictured below), the parentals used to do family time capsules where we would all sit around the dinner table and talk into a tape recorder for about an hour giving an account of our year to this small device. I venture the real reason we stopped this tradition is because the employees at Best Buy are either too young now or so technologically savvy that they have no idea what a tape recorder is (true story, happened to me about 1 yr ago) OR that there are 7 grandkids now and we can't sit still long enough before the next lightsaber is ignited and a duel begins. i love entropy.
Such chaos led into an impromptu magic show. Here's how it happened. We were playing tag with the lights off in the garage and Jack figured out (perhaps with some help from Katie) that he could fit easily in the large tupperware container and close the lid. He couldn't get tagged! His cousins and siblings quickly noticed the immunity and multiple kids tried at the same time to fit in there. I had to do something to calm them down.
Magic was the answer. Note : No nieces or nephews were hurt in the performance of these acts.

Ok, so i don't have the video of the kids disappearing, but that's pretty cool magic right? Not as cool as a disappearing pencil, but cool nonetheless. We did cut robby in half though. He was just as surprised as everyone else to see his feet being pulled away from his body.
Yadda yadda, then a giant penguin came, Anne won the wishbone break by a mere quarter centimeter and we ate dinner and played christmas the day after, complete with present opening and pickle ornament finding.
A special thanks to the Fizz and all her magical costumes, for they bring joy to the children all over the world.
and a special thanks to my family for being completely awesome. i am truly grateful for you and all the entertainment and love you share with me and the other sentient beings of this planet.

You Oughta Know

You oughta know that i finally spent over $25 to see a concert. Previously i had spent only $23 for Aquabats concerts and i couldn't imagine needing to spend more $ for something that just wouldn't be as good as crowd surfing their children on inflatable dolphins during the 'pool party' song. But, i took Katie to see Alanis Morissette for her birthday last Friday night.

Here are the things i enjoyed most -
1. Alanis spun in circles for approximately 3.5 minutes, at least 105 complete circles. i counted. she recovered in under 15 seconds.
2. the drummer did some crazy thing with his drumstick while playing that looked like he was
waving a magic wand and casting killing curses. since i didn't know the words, i just shouted
killing curses.
3. alanis plays the harmonica. i did jigs, akin to those done by the jiggers of Zion, under
Aaroneous' and Howard's harmonies.
4. orpheum theater - sweet bldg and only 2 blocks away from Garfield tower and WC's camera.
5. average age of the concert goer was probably 36 yrs old. hmmm.
6. as soon as alanis started to sing, i lost katie and was left to myself to blurt what i remember from my freshman year of high school or risk looking the fool for not knowing every song - it's like rain on your wedding day... free rides, but already paid...buncha knives, but just want a spoon... 1 hand in my pocket, 1 smoking cigarette...thank you india. so i sang probably 12 words, but shouting the killing curses with every crazy wave from the drummer sure helped me 'fit in.'
7. katie's face in the above picture.

All in all, it was a pretty sweet concert, mostly because everyone, including the Rock, was so excited and jazzed to scream along with the songs. i give the evening 2 thumbs up ....who woulda thought...to figger.

this was just a cool photo that brings a chuckle - TomBombadil, Atom and the Fish after signing a treatise to uphold justice and fun with the Bat Winged Commander, leader of the Aquabats.

Bachelors & The Lean Mean Grilling Machine

I meant to post this a while ago and now I am a lone man in NZ and without The Grill and my heart yearns for the better days.

George Foremen didn't make it past the 8th round versus Ali, but let me tell you, George has gone much more than 15 rounds with my roommates and me. We, the members of 2464 (and yes, probably even Funk) hereby declare the George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine to the be the greatest device ever created for the mild-mannered Bachelor.
George the Heavyweight has sold over 80,000,000 grills, made over $150 million profit, satiated tens of millions of bellies and curiously slipped its way into pop culture :

Nelly - (2:20)

My mouth piece simply certified, a total package
Open up my mouth and you see more karats than a salad
My teeth are mind blowin givin' everybody chillz
Call me George Foreman cuz i'm sellin everybody grillz

In the heavens, i believe administering angels will cook on the this majestic and holy appliance.

Here are but some of the major uses we have found in this Telestial sphere for the Mighty Grilling Machine:

Pancakes - fluffier, happier, no flipping necessary (though you do have to tilt the grill backwards to avoid spilling) and can easily be divided into Pan-Sticks for the children or finger foods at parties.

Eggs - Gaston eats 2 dozen a day to be roughly the size of a barge. George ate whole chickens to become a champ. I eat only a few week and have never had a simpler time separating egg whites.

Grille a la Quesadilla - yeah, cheese, beans, salsa, even an egg in there. It even has the sweet grill that fast food joints artificially paint on their patties.


Bakin' Cookies - When I look at my oven and try to figure out how to get it to 345 degrees for 13 minutes, I simply cringe. With the GFG, you simply plug it in, place the cookie dough on the Teflon-coated heating surface, sit back and let it do the baking for you. Take it off when it looks like a cookie. so easy!

Warm your toes/feet while watching TV.
Wrap your feet in a thin cloth, insert into grill and... happy feet -

Insta' Face Steam - to make it look like you exercise for when chicks come over -

Ironing your shirts - Do you feel the pounds from your desk job adding on? Have you ever heard that vertical stripes suggest thinness and height? Well, the Grilling Machine from Mt Olympus provides you with just the subliminal vertical lining you need on any shirt. Simply heat, press and slide your shirt to feel thinner and achieve that Champ Physique you deserve.

Mouse Trap - Place a generous hunk of cheese on a warm GFG, allow the aroma to spread throughout & your rodent problems are guaranteed to vanish within hours.

% body fat tester - pinch and measure over how many fins in your GF your adipose rolls roll -

Bacon - it's every man's favorite treat and smell (see picture). Keep the aroma constant by placing 1 glorious strip on the grill every morning and let the scent of heaven waft about your apartment. I believe Michael from the office speaks to this use the best :

Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon ----- sue me -- and since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It’s good for me. It’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that…

As I now embark onto the new realm of unbachelorhood, I want to thank GF's grill for keeping my alive, healthy, entertained and in general, studlier than i ever could have achieved on my own. Thanks Champ!

Who do you say I am?

I have been told numerous times that i look like one of the below persons. Let us settle it. Cast your vote, who looks the most like me?

1. Michael Phelps the swimmer and this years Halloween costume?

Erik Balfour, aka Milo from 24?



Rupert Everett from Best Friend's Wedding? (i got this a lot in high school, but still have never seen the movie)



or the beloved Woody from Toy Story?



5. Sid the sloth?

6. Rocky Balboa, the italian stallion?

Silly Sports - i used to play

We played tackle football on the beach last saturday. it sure was fun, girls tackling guys, guys dropping their shoulders into girls... well, the game almost didn't happen b/c no one brought a football. luckily tanya saved us.

but, That reminded me of the times in junior high when the twins Nick and Ted would come over after school and we would play a form of football w/ a round ball. We called it Cyber Ball; because it looked a lot like this : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOMAy0A3yZQ but with a pink, squishy pool ball and a large trampoline in the middle of the field that was by no means off limits to receivers.

Innertube waterpolo - its like real water polo, but all the dirty stuff like kicking, punching or giving titty twisters that usually happens underwater in the normal sport occurs in stealth when the poorly paid BYU referees were flirting. My little sister the mutant and i won 2 intramural golds for this sport. She is tough.

Brawl - 2.0 calls this watermelon football. The crusaders simplified its name by the battle cry at the beginning of each point "braaaaaaawl." The purpose of the game is to push the watermelon to the othe side of the pool before the other team does. there are no rules except that if the Brawler holding the duct taped watermelon is still under water AND has not yet released the watermelon you should let them up for air... AND then pry the watermelon form their fingers. Injuries include Brother Atom having popped his eardrum, Callipygian getting kicked in the face that required stitches and 1 awesome city member pledging never to step foot into a pool with a crusader or watermelon ever again.

my house growing up was on a 2.5 mile rectangle block. there were only 5 houses on it and no houses across the street for 4 straight miles. i didnt have many friends to play ball wth, so i spent a majority of my time completing 1st down passes to the trees in our orchard and pitching a perfect game to the duct tape strike zone on our garage door. when i learned how to jump i played Roof Ball (which, to my surprise, the internet tells me i am not the only one).

All shots must hit the roof, return across the gutter(sides of roof are out), and be hit before the ball contacts the ground. Of course, i would play Right hand versus Left hand because there was no one else to play with. Usually the right hand one, but i did develop a certain animosity towards the Left Hand during it's 6 game winning streak in '91.

Welcome to North Carolina - Prepare to Step Off

Moving walkways was one of the first things i encountered when i stepped off the plane in NC. at the end of the walkway, a huge sign warned me that North Carolina was not like every other state; it was the home of the Godfather of Soul, the First in Flight and allowed parking for McCain supporters only - truly, i needed to "prepare to step off."
Realizing that some didn't grow up in the 'west side' of Modesto, you probably don't know what 'step off' means. I will allow Urban Dictionary to tell you :

	Step Off
	You would use the term when you think it would be in the best interest of the party/s or person/s confronting you to leave and/or leave you alone. It should be stated with feeling. You best step-off, ese (see definition 3)!

Well, needless to say, it wasn't the warmest welcoming i've had, but the Carolinians were actually rather hospitable and less rabid than MLE Scott Card.

Yes, 1 morning i went jogging through a forest and onto the campus of the University of North Carolina (i later discovered that there are 16 UNC, this one had nothing to do with tar heels, but rather 49ers) and on my way home i became dreadfully lost. i found my way to a main road and jogged towards what i thought would be the right direction. as i jogged i approached a band of orange-vested trash-picker uppers in my path, but as i neared the sheriff was kind enough to grab her night stick and force the 5 into the weeds until i safely passed. the generosity! hail the queen of the south!
well, we celebrated the velvet's 28th year with some golf and deep fried sushi and general conference and $5 movies and insanely whimsical conversations, the last being 1 of the many reasons i hail the Velvet Cowboy as the most hilarious and nonsensical Westerner i know. To him and his hilarity, i dedicate the rest of this entry. i present, with great admiration, Velvet Cowboy's gstatuses, which i have been gathering silently from afar over the past month, starting on 10/10/08 until 11/19/08. It is my hope that you won't be offended, but if he does, Prepare to Step Off -

Day 1 - did you ever let a cowboy sit on your lap?

Day 2 - don't run with circumscissors

hot circle of garbage (office)

romulan holiday

mitt romulus

not with a bang, but a whimper

black math -1=1

and the award for most liberal interpretation of fundamental math goes to... jarom!

and the award for needs to go to the bathroom goes to... jarom! (then mark!)
i prayed for moisture and now i wet the bed

should i divide by zero just to see what really happens? (in response to my

maybe on prop 9

NO WAY on 13 (hate you 13)

yes on preparation H

ich bin laden (in response to Jeff's, Wendy's and mine statuses all in german)

well jingle my bells

jingle them all the way

happy halloween my lovelies

people could endure anything except wild dogs: Madsen

♫ welp, i'm off to see the wizard

everybody likes it, but nobody wants to see how it's made

if a tiger eats you, you'll be the first to know

once property stops equaling work, society fails with the explanantion = i just made that up and i'm going to try to pass it as a bill on capitol hill with fries. free french fries for any member of congress that votes for it)

the organ trail

wight lendy! (i'm doing it wrong, aren't i?)

i want a girl with an hourglass soul

pythagorean serum

you won't like me when i'm encouraged

cut me, rabbi. i can't see out there

will be in the land of the lightly salted lake on the 16th of december

SOLD!

FliegenSchlammDrachen

a collage of bakersfield mud!