paralyzed in a sitting dance

huh

Sun, 02 Feb 2025 08:55:27 GMT

havent updated here in a while.

i cut my hair earlier cause it was kinda long and it was bugging me. it looks bad. its not horribly uneven like the last time i cut it at least?

ive felt kinda awful lately. i think its mainly because i got sick for the first time in a while last week. i wasnt really able/wanting to stay home because i didnt want to miss school and have to catch up. too much going on in my classes and if i fall behind at any point i know its going to be awful trying to catch back up. speaking of, the semester ended so our classes changed. i miss my old schedule. i have 2 art classes now though, its nice but also stressful. theyre also the classes im deeply afraid of falling behind in. i guess theyre okay right now though. in one, were working on watercolor paintings of plants. its not too bad. in the other one, we just finished up a project that was called "draw 20 things". we didnt have enough time to draw 20 things but we did get a decent amount done. throughout, we had to do multiple timed sketches each day and try to improve with proportioning, centering, etc. it made my arm hurt.

its close to 3 am right now. i slept in really late yesterday, which i shouldnt have done since now i cant sleep. ive just been looking at stuff online. i watched were all going to the worlds fair for the second time- i think its pretty good but a lot of people seem to hate it. i guess i get it. i like the fact that i can make theories on a lot of what happened though.

i dont know what else to type. ive felt kinda unmotivated with art lately, which sucks because most of what i do in my freetime is draw. i guess itll pass but i hate it.

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subject

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 23:30:35 GMT

went to the library w friends the other day, they brought me to a meeting for this group theyre in thats kinda for younger queer people. it was cool, the people there were really nice. we stayed a little bit after and ended up talking to some of the people there. i really wish i could go to the library often but its in town and i live kinda far :( i always want to check out what books they have but i never really have time when i do go there. a couple ones ive seen there are ones ive read before that are really good, i keep getting recommendations from friends too. tbh if i really wanted to id try to walk there but i think id get run over. also thatd take me over an hour probably. sad

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i keep forgetting i have this/

Thu, 05 Dec 2024 03:34:22 GMT

its really windy out rn i can hear it.. today was ok for the most part. cold and i had to stand outside for a while but whatever. understanding stuff in most of my classes :9 my chemistry teacher put something up for like what science classes wed be interested in taking next year. i was looking at them and i really wanna take 2 of them but one of the classes is like. advanced you need to do more work for this. i dont know what other classes id take though so i might go with it anyway. its biology stuff and i think thats fun so ill probably be fine?

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sighs and kicks a rock i hate subject title thingies

Wed, 27 Nov 2024 05:36:33 GMT

sso used to feeling awful all the time that now i dont feel right if im not feeling bad. or if i feel happy and im in a good mood i get scared that im going to feel horrible in a day or two because thats what usually happens

i kinda hope nobody reads these// <posting these publicly knowing damn well theres a private feature

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:(

Wed, 27 Nov 2024 05:34:46 GMT

ive had a thing recently where i keep. twitching. and its a full body thing. i guess it doesnt affect me doing anything really but it feels weird. this is new to me its freakin me out a bit. i dont know how to tell things to other people or to my parents in a way that they wont laugh or look at me weird so i guess ill live with it until it becomes an actual problem

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urk

Sun, 17 Nov 2024 07:05:57 GMT

every once in a while i get so scared that somehow im gonna fuck up and make all of my friends mad at me its so weird. i shouldnt be getting so scared about that. i say once in a while but its like every other day atp. i dont think i was meant to be a person

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werewolves..

Sun, 17 Nov 2024 06:38:27 GMT

just watched ginger snaps 2 oh my god. there is something deeply wrong with that little girl. very confusing but also awesome might be the only sequel ive seen in a while that isnt horrible

i need to. watch more werewolf movies.

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:9

Sat, 16 Nov 2024 21:02:37 GMT

feeling okay today. artblocked but thats like the only thing wrong rn

i went on a walk earlier, i thought it'd be a. somewhat nice temperature but it was cold and windy. didnt end up staying out long anyway since my camera died

watched ginger snaps last night i am making it everyones problem. the movie ever. this is like when i watched i saw the tv glow except this one didnt make me sob. anyway found the 2 other movies in the series and now i'm planning on watching those in a bit

currently waiting for my camera battery to charge so i can upload the pictures i took

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awoo

Sun, 03 Nov 2024 04:18:31 GMT

november now.. time is going rly fast and it makes me feel sick when i think about it. october didnt feel like it was a month long. it was a week maybe

i like november though.. my brain associates things i like w it. i don't like the snow or how cold it gets though. whatever. anyway the month sounds like a dark red to me. specific shade in my brain. its a really nice one.

today was kinda bleh. woke up at 2 pm.. sad. felt weird and awful. felt artblockish, doesnt matter cause i cant draw when im like that anyway. i cant do anything when im like that it sucks

i edited my neocite a little while ago. i fixed up some stuff and made a new page. im thinking about making another new page for art and such. but immm not sure.. im never happy with how my neocities looks so i'll probably end up hating that page. i should start over but its kinda. augh. i do have fun coding so maybe doing a complete overhaul of it will be better for me

i feel weird

ill probably delete these entries later when i'm unhappy with them. i dont think im ever truly happy with anything i make

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