Training

Training is a bitch.

You don't get medals, you don't get money, you don't get recognition. No one is there cheering for you when you start or when you finish. Some days it sucks and it's hard as hell.

Training is a bitch.

When you have the motivation and you're feeling it, training is easy. You step up, push it hard. You see the big picture and own it. You ride that endorphin high. Those are the good days. You feel progress.

Training isn't about the good days. Progress doesn't happen on the good days. It happens on the bad days. The days you don't want to get up. The days when it's not warm outside. The days you're tired. The days you just don't care. Those are the days that count. Determination and dedication to push through. To still do it. Knowing that even a bad run, ride, or lift is better than nothing at all. To keep the conditioning. Even if you're not making progress that day, you're holding on to all the hard work you've put in to not slip backwards and lose it. To get you through to the next good day, when it's easy again.

Training is a bitch.

But it's better than the alternative.

Training for life...because tomorrow could be the day you need it.

Life....and taking advantage of it

I've been thinking a lot lately about starting to blog and keeping some sort of order with a focus on exercise/health/nutrition/running, another about photography and then just the random motivational and what ever else is going on in my head that day. Last night I was catching up on tv saved on my DVR and just watched the episode of Deadliest Catch where Phil Harris past away. It really hit me hard. He was my favorite crabbing captain. He was a tough guy who at the same time showed compassion for his 2 boys and his crew. Genuinely cared about the crew and also behind the scenes from the tv world we got to share and see into his life, he worked with the camera crew which is huge to me because I can understand how difficult it is to do your job as a camera guy when the people you are trying to shoot can make or break how your day goes. It really hit me hard to see how fast he went and it made me think of losing my dad. Made me think a lot. About life in general and how we get into a grind. Try to get things done, then after trying so hard, we take a break to enjoy life and before you know it, you're stuck in a ditch. You don't notice it because it's comfortable, you have a routine. It's safe. Although you're no longer trying or pushing to attain what you were striving to achieve. It's been said so many times we take it for granted and it doesn't phase society anymore, but life is short. We all die, but do you really live?? A few years ago I was on my way to go snowboarding thinking about a friend who was telling me about great adventures she had read about but never had any stories of her own and it made me think. You can either live your life reading about others experiences or you can get out and live them and if you have time, write them to share with others. As much as the pain of change hurts and is uncomfortable, I think it's time to shake things up and ride rocket. I don't want to lay in this ditch and watch life pass by. I want more out of life and as much as rejection sucks, if you don't ask, if you don't try, the answer is 100% no. So rejection will suck, eventually someone will say yes, someone will open that door and when they do, take the opportunity and run with it.

Direction, shake, stir and look for the arrow pointing up

I'm searching for direction. I'm not sure where the road signs are but they aren't neon and they aren't where I am right now. I've pretty much always known what I wanted, or a direction I was going in and went full speed ahead, no holds barred to go there in the past. In the last year, someone made me a tequila popper and now... well, now I'm searching for direction. Shaken, stirred, and looking for the arrow on the box pointing up or the road sign that says, "Hey, this way".

I'm not sure really what my focus is right now. My photography is still there, I get inspired to shoot but then don't have people to shoot to create the images. When I get people I'm to busy to shoot. My career is a bit of a full blown can of soda left in a hot car. Do I want to continue to do production and photography, do I go more the creative route in agencies? Perhaps I change it up completely and I go on a more project to project contract. Freelance obviously isn't the answer, its not consistent enough to pay the bills and have any sort of lifestyle. As it is...I, am, a, whore. The phone rings, regardless if it's 2 months or 2 hours from now. My answer is yes, I'd love to run camera, pull cable, mix audio etc etc, I will be there, I will kick ass, and it will be done seamlessly. I'd like a little order again.

In the other arena of my life. I haven't worked out really or exercised at all in almost a week now. I was down to 8.2% body fat before I ran the Missoula 1/2 Marathon a couple weeks ago. The last week I've lost my motivation and I'm a lazy eff. I just signed up for another 1/2 Marathon in Sandpoint in September so hopefully that will kick start me again.

Turning on a light

Something I hadn't really considered with everything going on is what if... What if there was a second crash or loss of all the mindless and random things I jot down here. I'm not nearly as attached here as I was to the previous place for my thoughts but all the same, they're mine. I like to reflect now and then.

Then it happened last week. Tried to pull up my email on my blackberry and no dice. Jumped on the computer, tried to log in and ka-blam. Not only locked out but account has been suspended. What?!?! Locked out and shut down. Went to log in here. Just like the server crash, it's gone. It now fails to exist just as if it never had. hollllllllly crap batman. After several hours of dredging up every detail I could come up with I was able to re enable my account and now it's back. All I know is whom ever is effin with me. Not funny. Not even a little bit.

In the mean time. I'm now in training for my 2nd 1/2 marathon in 3 weeks. almost a month ago now I ran my first 1/2 marathon ever. 13.45 miles in 1hr 42min and 17 sec. I ran a 7:48 min/mile pace and came in 107 out of 1288 people. Not bad for training 4 days. I paid for it dearly though. Thought I tore my meniscus. I didn't but my knees are out of alignment and I now have a close relationship with my chiropractor because I walked in not being able to hardly walk and walked out being able to run. I'm back in speed training. Hoping to come in a better place and shave time off my last race.

Inferno

I didn't really see myself blogging again after the fiasco after the crash. Everyone getting spread here and there. The feel of the community disappearing. I forgot that I started over here to be honest. The first time in I don't know how many months I've looked at this place. Looking back I was taking some great pictures. Well at least documenting. Since then it's been a wicked roller coaster. An inferno to say the least. I don't make a habit of burning bridges. I might cross and not look back, occasionally a bridge gets torched here or there. The last few months has been an inferno. Not just burning a bridge but burning towns, cities and years of work to create and establish. Now I'm standing in the ashes. It's been ....6 weeks and I don't really have a solution other than I've been scrambling. Fighting stress, anxiety and the emotional breakdown that comes with it. Followed up by a support system that is there but miles away. It's a bit ironic. I started my very first blog to find lucidity, and help cut out an inner cancer that was plaguing me. Now I've come back with a larger battle than I've ever had to fight. I'm back at ground zero. I'm starting from scratch and building the foundation. I guess the advantage is I have the knowledge of what to do right this time and how to get things done faster and stronger.

The emotional fight is pretty harsh. Some days I'm good, and on my good days stand back, I can move mountains and the impossible is nothing. On my bad days, it's over whelming and I'm practically immobilized. I need to remember every day to fight. To not give up. I've had to reevaluate my own personal definition of failure. Failure is no longer not succeeding what I set out to do that day. Failure is now not trying. Every day is littered with rejection, denial and dead ends. Failure is not trying, then is it cataclysmic. Each day is a new day and another chance to start over. To try again. It only takes one phone call, one email or one text message to change the world.

and just like that....it's almost March

I'm not sure where it went but......February is gone. It's almost March. I've been working a ton, hitting the mountain when I can to carve some turns and I'm back into my workout at the gym. I've been working way to much to be honest. To many long hours. I think I might have lost my muse. I haven't shot any thing in a while. I haven't really had time or much motivation to shoot any thing. I have a couple friends that want to get into modeling so there is an option to work with them on their ports and create some cool shots but.....I'm not feeling the creativity right now. I was thinking more landscapes right now but I'm a little blah there too.

It snowed today. Would be a great day to be up on the mountain carving fresh turns. Instead, I'm sitting in the office waiting for corporate to call me back. Early mornings will be the death of me.

Oh and on the plus side...I have some new goals at the gym. It seems I've slipped from my happy 173-178lbs to 165-168lbs. Which I guess is good in the sense I'm still about 12% body fat. Now that I'm getting solid workouts in again. This week Benching 185lbs wasn't bad I'm shooting for the end of April to be back to benching 205lbs and to hit 4 sets of 10 rep pull ups. Along with the rest of my crazy workout. Wish my luck.

crap tastic

I have the plague. It won't go away. I might be encouraging it to stay with lack of sleep, increased work stress times 1000 and lack of hitting the gym. I'm sick and I'm pretty sure I'm easy to set off right now. I hate dealing with stupid people. Ugh please let me make it through the next 2 weeks.

Soft sided thankfulness and a New Year

Having a little bit of down time this weekend, and looking over the encyclopedia sized employee handbook for my new job, as much crap that has fallen out around me I'm actually very fortunate all things considered.

Hmmm ok I had a whole list of things I was happy to have in my life and realizing that I'm much better off than I think sometimes and some other warm fuzzy stuff. It's gone out of my head already. Guess now that I've actually sat down to write it......well this is who I am. Sometimes I'm crazy happy and other times I'm fed up with stupid crap that pisses me off. Just how it is I guess.

I watched 4 movies this weekend. I won't bore you with long reviews or spoilers but here's the short no bs recommendations:
The Strangers: Horror/Terror Genre - I give it a B. Great unique idea and different than the rest. Better than a lot of crap I've seen lately but it gets a B.

Tropic Thunder Comedy/Ben Stiller Genre - It's typical Ben Stiller funny shiz. If you dig Zoolander and Something bout Mary then you'll like it.

Burn After Reading Comedy/Coen Brothers Genre - It's funny. But you gotta love dry humor. If you don't you won't get it.

Eagle Eye Action/Thriller - Ok so yes Shia LaBeouf can be annoying but there is a great supporting cast including Michelle Monaghan. The short version is if you liked Enemy of the State you'll like this one too. Done.

While I'm thinking about it here are some pics of the past 3 weeks with the snowiest winter in recorded history in the area. Nothing quite like getting over 3 feet of snow in 48 hours and almost 100 inches of snow in 3 weeks. It was crazy.

One of my favorites during the storm I drove along the edge of the river and the lake, it was amazing. The tree canopy and the heavy snow made it feel like I was in a tunnel.


I have a thing for trees and snow. You may not care for the shot. I just happen to like it. I shot something similar back in '02 while in McCall during a storm.


I shot the birdhouse in my backyard as all the leafs had fallen. A end of fall shot. Which turned out much better than I had anticipated. After the storm and the blue skies came out I had to capture this shot. 37.5 inches of snow in less than 48 hours and light fluffy snow just stuck. This shot says it all.


I took this fire pit shot at Christmas. I wanted to shoot something similar all year but hadn't. This was after the second storm. The second round of 30 inches of snow. We should be around 70 inches at this point. I wanted to shoot the fire pit encompassed in snow and the glow of the fire lighting the area cutting the night. I shot 40 or 50 different styled shots but I think I like this one with the fire dancing and the glow lighting up the snow around the pit before the snow melts off the granite fire ring.


On a happy note I managed to keep a fire going and not have the furnace kick on once. The down side, I don't know how to keep a fire going and NOT keep it a constant 77-80 in the house. Good lord. 70 would be good but almost 80. It's a hellva shock to go from t-shirt and shorts to have to bundle up with a scarf with it's freezing out.

It's 2009. Here's to putting the past behind us. Not letting bad things stop us and achieving some great things.

Snapshots from a powder whore

One of my close friends responded to my text message pictures while boarding:
"all I hear is I'm a dirty powder whore blah blah blah.. I'm a dirty powder whore"

It's true. I'm powder whore. I don't really haven any photography processed to post so here are some snapshots from my powder whore excursions in the past few weeks. Powdery goodness.

First time up for the season I was riding untracked, untouched, pow. It was a little dangerous this early in the season but untracked turns floating down like you're weightless to have fresh pow splashed up in your face, it was worth it.


This past weekend there was a more stable base with some wet heavy and then covered in new light fluffy pow. The avalanche danger has been crazy high so luckily this area slid a week ago and the base had stabilized. The steep and deep was awesome. I stopped to get a quick snapshot with the top of the snow encased trees with the valley below. It's 2900 acres to ride, it's a beautiful thing.


Just for humor parking was a royal bee-otch. I don't know what is up this year but tons O'cars and no people on the mountain. Must be some quality "look how pretty I am" in the lodge or "I was at the mtn this weekend" while they shopped? Who knows, more pow for me to carve. Anyway one advantage of a jeep being small. Easy to squeeze in a snow drift to make personalized parking. This was the end of the day and time to head home. That and my sweet 163 SDS Flag board. It's a bit big but she's crazy fast and floats in the pow. Oh and disregard that little no parking, you'll be towed sign around the snow berm on that pole. It's for the other side right?


Theres my snapshots from the mtn so far this year. I've thought about riding and capturing some video to post this year on the big pow runs but right now if I dropped my lil canon in the pow, I'd never find it again. Hope it inspires you to get out and enjoy the winter. Snow is fun and go play in it.

Introspection

I was hoping I would be posting a lot of photography off the start in my new blog. Although much like my last blog, I have lot going on and a lot I need to work through. 2008 ended and was an explosion of uncertainty, unknown, and riding the edge of failure. There is a high probability this will bore you to tears but I'm mainly writing this for me to work it out but at the same time I know some of you that will read this will understand and lend some support too. Which is one of the great parts of our online community and family.

As 2008 came to a close so did my career with my former company. Literally 12/31/08. I think this is the first job I've ever had or ever will that ends on the last day of the year. On a positive turn though, I started a new job with a new company on 1/1/09. Another oddity that I will never experience, starting a new job on the very first day of the year. Sadly out of a close group of us in our very small office half our staff was not aquired by the new company. Half doesn't sound bad until you factor in there were four of us, and only half means two of us have jobs and the other two do not. The economy is ugly and only going to get worse in the next 2-3 years so I'm very thankful for having a job and still being able to do what I do in my career field.

My workouts have sucked, my weight hasn't really moved but I'm guessing my body fat % has gone up from 11% to probably 12-13% right now. Luckily with all the snow, I've been getting in plenty of cardio from removing the snow. I think officially we've received about 100 inches in 3 weeks. It has been insane. I was hoping to get back into the gym tonight but I had to wrap up some things at work.

On the brighter side of what has been a rather depressing few weeks. I called an applicant who had applied to a previous position I was going to hire for. They moved to the area recently after graduating college. They haven't found work yet and were overly excited about my random out of the blue call considering they applied 6 months ago. I have two positions that will be assisting me that need to be filled. She could be qualified for both. I gave her a brief run down of what both would entail and she was thrilled about the opportunity for either one. From the pure excitement and chance at an opportunity I remembered what that energy was like. It's been a bit dark and gloomy lately. I'm hoping that with moving some stuff around, redoing some offices it could be a fresh start and new. I'll be making a call tomorrow to bring them in and do a rather informal interview and hire them for some contract work to start. If they perform well I might recommend them for the full time salary position to assist me. I'll have to play it by ear. With the new company my recommendation will carry a lot of weight and will reflect heavily upon me. I have crazy strict standards, a work ethic that would kill most people and expectations that many believe are impossible. My theory is impossible is nothing. When people believe it is impossible, and then you do it, you earn their respect, your place and their trust. You just do it. That is what makes you valuable. It's what I've always done, no matter how good I am, I have to work harder, and do better than everyone else. Otherwise, you're just like everyone else. You don't stand out. Soooooooo we'll see how the applicant goes. I'm not impossible and I don't expect them to know everything. As long as they try, do the best they can, and have a willingness to learn I'll teach them. But if you're a slack ass, I have no patience for you and there is the door.