Remember that this blog is in a way my journal, and the following experience probably means nothing to anyone but me, but I wanted to write it down so I wouln't forget it...

At the first of the year I set a goal for myself to attend the temple once a month. With Dave when I could and just by myself if I couldn't get there with him. (so far I'm 3 for 4...missed January..I know, I know)
I realized the other day that it was the end of April (how did that happen) and I hadn't been yet. So I made arrrangements for Robert, and decided to go while the boys were in school.
I ended up leaving a little later than planned, so I was in a pinch for time to get home before the boys got home from school, but I still really wanted to go...so thanks to my sister Michele who offered to watch Robert whenever I could get off during the day, I still went.
I listend to some of my favorite church songs on the way down and prayed silently to my Heavenly Father that he would give me some answers to some questions I had, and I that I would feel a special spirit for the sisters I would do work for that day.
I got to the temple, found a great parking space, and while I was walking toward the temple I noticed how absolutely beautiful the flowers looked...the purple and white tulips were so tall and breathtaking. I was so excited for the peace I was going to experience in the temple...so ready to drink up the spirit (I was feeling a little "thirsty")
As I continued walking toward the temple, I turned off my phone and went to get out my recommend...and it wasn't there...I was heartbroken!
I had worked so hard (not really, but it felt like it) to get there that day, and now I couldn't even go. I still wanted to spend some time at the temple, so I first thought of going and sitting somewhere on the grounds, but it was WAY too cold for that, so I turned around to go back to the car, then decided I could go sit in the waiting room just as you go in...maybe that would be enough.
So I walked into the waiting room, picked up a copy of the Ensign and found a comfortable chair in a quiet corner to read...I couldn't even focus enough to read anything...I was overcome by this feeling of sadness watching everyone walk into the temple.
I kept thinking, that I never wanted to be in any kind of position in my life where I couldn't be admitted to the temple. I kept thinking how sad I would be and how much I would hurt inside if I really was left out (not just because I forgot my recommend)
I thought about how sad I would be to be sitting on the sidelines watching all my friends and family walking through the gates of heaven, and not being able to be admitted myself (yes I was feeling very pensive that day)
As I was sitting and thinking and trying to focus on the articles in the Ensign, a thought popped into my head "go ask them if there is anyway they can look up that you have a recommend" I ignored the thought since I was pretty sure this wasn't possible, but the thought kept coming to my mind.
So...I decided to go through my purse and wallet again to check for my recommend, and back out to the car to make sure my temple bag wasn't in there
(I had remembered that last month when I went, I put my recommend in my bag, and I hadn't brought it this time because I was going to do inititory)Then I finally decided to listen to that thought that kept coming to me
(something I've been trying to work on lately), after all what's the worse they could tell me. So I got brave and went to ask the men at the desk, sure they would tell me no, they were sorry, but there was no way for them to look up and see if I had a recommend. I asked and he said...step over there
(pointing down the hall) and speak with the recorder.
I was a little shocked, so I did what he said. I asked a sweet lady
(is being sweet a requirement for working at the temple) at the desk if she was the recorder, she wasn't but asked what I needed and I told her. She handed me a paper to fill out with my name, ward, bishop, stake president, etc. and told me to have a seat and wait.
Well apparently they looked up the bishop's cell phone number and called him and someone at the temple signed a temporary recommend for me and I WAS IN :) I was seriously so happy...felt like winning the lottery!! I was so thankful for my Bishop too...I felt so bad for bothering him, but so happy that he had the power to help me in my time of need
(I know, I know, overdramatic, but that's how I felt) I got to go in and do the work I had hoped to, and qwench my thirst for the spirit. I had to wait awhile to do inititory, which gave me some great time to think and ponder and just be quiet...I didn't have any great revelation or really even get any answers I was looking for...but I got something I wasn't expecting...a little bit of the feeling of what it would feel like to unable to enjoy the blessings that I take so much for granted, and a greater appreciation for the bishops I've had and how they will always be there for us.
It was a good day