Decide to decide

In life, sometimes it's not all about me and what I want.


I have found that recently this statement has particularly been true.


I am a stubborn person.  I have always been one that is quite determined once I have set my mind on something.  But let's face it, sometimes things just don't go our way.  The Lord has other plans in mind.  And boy, am I glad that He knows best. 


The Sunday after Christmas, Dan and I were asked to speak in church.  While researching and getting ready, I stumbled across a talk called, Decide to Decide.  After reading through it, I realized it was just what I was looking for.  But it wasn't until a few weeks after giving my talk that I realized just how perfect it was for me.  It's message talks about deciding to do something.  Deciding to make a decision long before the situation arises.  Deciding what we will do in advance when we are faced with a challenge.  Does that make sense? It's kind of confusing at first, but once I thought about it, it really struck me. 


These last few days have really got me thinking.  I have decided that I am going to Decide to decide in all aspects of my life.  Specifically in spiritual aspects of my life.  I have decided that as the Lord guides my life, I can choose how I react to the trials and blessings I am given.  I am just starting.  I am at square one, but I am trying.


This past week, our family has been given another trial.  Just after the holidays were over, we were blessed to find out that I was expecting again.  We were thrilled, but a little worried as well because of our previous experience.  But soon I was having my "all-day-sickness" like I had with Alayna, so we were reassured.  I was not feeling well at all and barely able to get off the couch some days.  But within a few weeks I was starting to not feel as miserable and the Lord truly blessed me.  Alayna and I were able to get out more and start resuming our normal lives.  Sure, I still felt miserable at times, but at least I could get off the couch.


We were feeling pretty good about all the symptoms I was having and I scheduled my first appointment.  While I had some nerves about my first appointment (and I think I always will), I felt good.  But once the appointment started, and I saw the medical student and doctor, my worries began. 


I was supposed to have been 10 weeks along so after the standard physical they tried to listen to the heart beat.  The medical student tried.  Nothing.  The doctor tried.  Nothing.  They asked for the ultrasound to be wheeled in.  The doctor started looking and clearly was not finding what she was looking for.  Again, they tried to comfort me by telling me I had all the symptoms and possibly I am not as far along and they thought.  They ordered some blood tests and another ultrasound.  Three hours later I was told I could go home and they would let me know.


Not an hour had passed by and the doctor called to tell me that I was having a miscarriage and I would need to schedule a D and C.


Not again!  I couldn't believe it.  I really was taken by surprise.  What about all my symptoms?  Dan, of course, was the perfect comfort and we leaned on each other once again.


The next morning my doctor called me again and told me there were some things concerning her.  My symptoms of morning sickness and insomnia and my hormone level being so high, to name a few.  She told me that after consulting another doctor, they thought I might have a molar pregnancy.  She went on to explain that although, they won't know if that really is the case until they send some of my tissue off to be tested after the surgery, they needed to do the surgery as soon as possible because this type of pregnancy can be very dangerous to the mother. 


So surgery was scheduled for the next morning.  And while I won't know anything for the next few days, I do know that deciding to decide has changed my outlook.  And while I am still struggling and bawling as I write this, I know that the way I choose to react will not only help me, but it will help my family. 


Are there things that I am struggling with?  YES!  Do I just want to skip over these last few days.  YES! Do I wish I could just catch a break? YES!  But maybe what I choose to do now will effect me for the better later on.


So, we're waiting and hoping and praying....

Currently

Reading: Persuasion By Jane Austen

Looking forward to: My little brother's wedding in March

Stressing about: How much TV my 2 year old watches.  Does anyone else have a hard time finding an appropriate amount for their kids to watch...or am I alone here?

Craving: Peanut butter M&Ms.  (This is a dangerous craving.:)

Wanting: Some motivation to tackle some much needed projects

Proud of myself for: Making some changes in my new calling. (I am the Relief Society Secretary)

Wearing: A cream skirt with a new blue top that I got at Target this weekend.  What is it about new clothes that is just so.....fun?

Avoiding: Doing the laundry that is piling up.  Tomorrow's laundry day.

Sick of: Living out of town.  The 20 minute drive to the "swings" (Playground) is killing me, but we do it because the time out of the house is much needed for both Alayna and I.

Learning: How to manage a normal life with Dan's new schedule.  I'm afraid it might take me awhile to learn how to balance everything.

Suffering from: My peanut butter M&M cravings.

Struggling with: Entertaining a two year old some days.

Overcoming: My lack of blogging.

Hoping to: Live in town someday sooner than later. 

Excited for: Dan's next seven days off.

Relieved by: Chatting with my sis daily.  It's the perfect outlet.

Splurging on: Plane tickets for Adam's wedding.

Some pics of our holiday busy-ness



 
With having made the 1000 mile trek a couple of months ago, Dan and I decided to forgo the long trip to see our families for Christmas and just spend it here. Together. We've done it before and we did it again. Although we missed our families and the fun we always have with them, we still had a great time here.

Our friends from Laramie were kind enough to invite us over Christmas eve and for part of Christmas day, so we could hang out with the adults and Alayna could play with their grandkids. There were all kinds of festivities. Singing, a couple different games, acting out the nativity scene, dinner, chimes, and more. Fun was definitely had by all.

Alayna was asked to be the angel. She loved the pretty dress, but didn't quite make it to her part, so Ashlee took over for her. Here she is with her dress and staff. The angel had a staff, right?

Practicing her part.  She insisted on holding the paper.

Singing. 

Here's a few pics from Christmas morning.  Once she saw the bike Santa brought her she said, "Ah, a BIKE!!!"  It was so cute.
Opening presents.

Sitting in her new chair opening more fun gifts.





Sporting her Christmas outfit. 

Mom and Layna ready for church. 

Along with the holiday season comes my birthday.  The big 2-6.  This picture doesn't show 'em, but I got some sweet new boots and Alayna gave me a necklace with her name on it.  LOVE them!

And right after my b-day comes our anniversary.  SIX years!  Can you believe it?  I can't. 
Here we are six years later and still in love.

That about sums up our holiday happenings and 2010.  It was a good year.  Hope to have an even better 2011!

The blogging break is over

I will pretend that all of you were missing me terribly and it prompted me to get back in the blogging game.

 That.

And certain family members kept kindly informing me that I had yet to give a tour of our house. So here I am finally getting all my ducks in a row.

 Here we go. Let start by a look at the outside of our house. (I just want to note that there is snow in the mountain behind our house. It has been somewhat "cold" here.)

A more close up look of the front.

And a look at the back of our house. We know. We've got some nice weeds going on. We hope in the future that they will magically disappear. Here's the view from the front door. To the right of the front entry way there is a door to the garage. To your left is a hallway leading to Alayna's room, the spare bedroom, a bathroom and the laundry closet.

But anyway, this is our living room. (FYI: the lighting is off in all these pics. Sorry. Every thing has a yellowish tint.)

Another view. You can kind of see a doorway before the entertainment center. That leads to our master bedroom.

Oh, and what do you think of the entertainment center? We finally upgraded from the card table. Not to shabby, huh? In fact when we unpacked it, we both commented that it felt weird having some nice, quality furniture in our house. Everything else we own (furniture wise) has pretty much had a previous owner.

Looking from the couches back at the front entry way.

This is a shot of the kitchen from the living room.

Another picture of the kitchen from the living room.

And yet another view of the kitchen. I have loved the size of my kitchen. I have not loved the sweeping that a kitchen this big entails. :)

This door is the pantry. It is a nice size and I love having an actual space that will fit all of our food/food storage.
Now, let's go back to the master bedroom. Here's a shot from the door way. Who could that little girl be?

A picture from the bed looking out. While in terms of space this room is marvelous, I would have to say that this is one of my least favorite rooms in terms of decorating. Do you ever feel like all the leftover decorations end up in your room and they never achieve the look that you want?

And here's a picture looking from the bed to the bathroom area. The door on the left is the bathroom. And the door on the right is our walk-in closet.

The bathroom. Don't worry. It's not really light green. It's just the lighting again.

And a look into the closet from the bathroom.

Now let's go back to the front entry way. Remember how I said there is a hallway to the left? Well, here it is...mostly. There is a door before the door you see on the left. The unseen door is Alayna's room.

A look into her room from the doorway.

Another view.

What you see when looking out her doorway.  The laundry closet.  I predict that behind those doors is a basket of clothes waiting to be folded.  The joys of life.

Here, in the second door to the left, is the spare bedroom or the computer/craft room.  The view from the doorway.

The wall on the left.

The wall on the right.

Now, the bathroom at the end of the hallway.
A shot from the doorway.

One last pic.

And there you have it. 

Our house. 

I am loving living in something other than an apartment.  The only room not pictured is our garage, but I figured you didn't really need to see it since they are pretty standard.  Dan would probably say that it is my favorite room since it allows me to work on projects that I have long been wanting to do. :)

Hope the tour satisfied our family members until they can get out here in person (hint hint).