So Nervous!

This fall, I got really brave and applied to be a reporter for a small local monthly newspaper.  Bruce actually saw the article that said they were looking for writers and left it for me on my computer.  I hemmed and hawed around about it, then took the plunge and applied.  I had to create a resume, something I haven't done in at least 10 years (probably closer to 15), plus submit writing samples.

I nearly fell over when I got an interview.  She likes me!  She really likes me!  LOL! 

And then I got the job!  I was astounded.  That sounds ridiculous, I suppose.  I like to write and I think I'm good at it, but the idea that other people want to read what I write is still new to me. 

Today I submitted my first two stories.  And I'm sooooo nervous about them.  It's all those self-doubts creeping in.  What if I'm terrible?  What if she doesn't like it?  What will I do when I see all that red ink splashed across my computer screen?  Gah!!! 

I'm sure I made some mistakes.  I've already learned a lot.  Talking to people was fun.  One story is about the busiest fire station in the county system.  While I was at the station interviewing the battalion chief, they got an ambulance call, and they invited me to go along!  That was absolutely fascinating! 

But will she like what I wrote????? 

Tristan's Yard Sale

I think I posted that Tristan has an opportunity to go to Europe next summer with the Utah Ambassadors of Music program.  He'll visit seven countries in 16 days, and play in the band in several cites, plus listen to the choir sing in some of the most beautiful cathedrals on the continent.  It's an amazing chance for him and we're so thrilled to be able to send Tristan.

But, as you can imagine, it's not cheap.  So we're brainstorming ways to make the money we need.  Our first idea was to hold a benefit yard sale.  I should say it was my idea.  The boys (the one I birthed and the one I married) had their doubts.  We papered the neighborhood with flyers asking people to donate items to us.  Bruce and Tristan didn't think people would give us their junk, uh, I mean, gently used household items.  Boy were they wrong!

The two-car garage was FULL, all the way to the garage door opener.  By the day of the sale, it had spilled over into the house.  We borrowed clothing racks from the church basement and filled them with the clothes--4 full racks.  There were shoes, furniture, household items (2 KitchenAid Mixers), books, movies, and more.  It was amazing! 

Tristan and I spent a full week going through everything, pricing it, sorting it and such.  Some people's idea of what it "useful" or "gently used" were interesting, so we sorted through it all and filled several trash bins/recycling containers.  We had to borrow from the vacant house next door!  (Though, really, that was perfect since much of what went in those bins had come from the previous owners of that house!). 

We held the sale over two days and made nearly $1200.  Over the two weeks after that, we sold items on a local website and made another $150 or so.  We've still got a number of children's items that we'll be selling at the Consignment Sale.  What doesn't sell there will be donated. 

We are thrilled with the progress.  So far, we've got Tristan to New York!  LOL!  There's a lot more to go, but we're well on our way and that's exciting. 

The Wedding Coordinator From Hades

As some of you know, we were honored to host our neighbor's wedding reception in our back yard.  She asked us when they got engaged and we were thrilled to say yes.  Little did we know what we were getting into......

The neighbors hired a wedding coordinator.  Now, I know this is a profession that serves many people quite happily, but for smaller weddings, I've never really seen the point.  Since it wasn't my wedding, and they didn't ask my opinion, I kept my mouth shut. 

At first glance, she seemed nice enough.  Wedding Coordinator (WC) had a bit of a challenge since the MOTB had her ideas about things and the Bride had some very definite ideas of her own.  WC was trying to balance between the two, though it got crazy.  Seriously, the Bride wanted to invite people they actually knew.  The MOTB invited the hairdresser's nephew's best friend!  Estimates on how many guests varied from 75 (Bride) to 400 (MOTB).  In actuality, there were probably about 200 people at the reception.

So, about a week before the wedding, we got a rather condescending email from WC.  In it, she went over some of the things we'd discussed, like moving the boat trailer and the camping trailer out of the way.  But she also mentioned that the dog mess needed to be taken care of, or did she need to send her "staff" to do that?  And, did I make plans for the "family animals" during the event?  Nah....I figured we'd let Psycho and Scaredy Butt run loose amongst all those people and the food!  *rolling eyes*

She told me that they needed my refrigerator empty and everything removed from my counter tops.  I told her that I wasn't moving the microwave and she could have 2 shelves and a drawer.
 
This email also mentioned that the lighting guy wanted to be climbing on my roof and did we have a ladder for that?  When I asked if the lighting guy was insured, she got a bit put out!  But she did email me and say that he was insured......I doubt it, but I did my due diligence.  Thankfully, lighting guy didn't fall off (or thru) the roof, so that wasn't a problem.  The email did not mention grills or trash.  This is important for later.

The happy couple got married at a nearby Temple (they're LDS/Mormon) on Friday.  I was at the Temple when they came out and I attended the meal afterward at WC's house.  After dinner, as I was leaving, WC told me that her staff would be at my house at 8:00 the next morning and she would be there between 8 and 9. 

Saturday morning, I got up around 7:30.  This is not something I do willingly.  Ever.  And especially not on a summer Saturday.  Seriously, something had better be on FIRE for me to be up at that hour.

You can guess the next part, right?

She didn't show up.

Not at 8....or 9....or 10.

At 11, Bruce and FOTB went over to her house to get the tables and chairs from the party the night before and bring them over here.  Oh, there's been a change of plans.  Lighting guy can't be there until 4, so that's when we're coming.  WC didn't call because it happened late at night.  Oooookay.....

What lighting guy has to do with when she arrives is beyond me.  And there was no phone call, email, or text message to anyone.  Yes, she had all that information.

Strike 1.

I went to pick up Tristan at 4:30.  WC is NOT at the house yet.

Strike 2.

When I got home around 5:00, WC is in the back yard having a temper tantrum.  She's shouting at her "staff" and the various and sundry neighbors and family members who are trying to get the chairs and tables set up.  "We are running behind, so I'm going to repeat myself for the fourth time!  The chairs go in conversation semi-circles of 8....."

Strike 3.

At that point, I was so furious that I was ready to throw her off my property and do it myself.  Just who does she think she is?  Yelling at people who are there to help and talking to them about running behind?!

Then Bruce told me that they'd arrived, with a Uhaul full of stuff, and WC, the only person who knows the plan, went across the street to do hair.  When they finally went to get her to answer all the "what's the plan?" questions, she went on her tirade.  

I ran to the local granola store to buy a gluten free cake for Shannon since it appeared that they'd forgotten.  I wasn't particularly irritated by that, except that we'd be told there would be gluten free cupcakes so I hadn't worried about it.

Seriously, it all went down hill from there.  The kabobs were all cut up, but not skewered, so the "staff," of teenage boys were doing that.  She'd made crepes, but not in the flavors the bride requested.  She'd prepped fresh peaches and strawberries for those as well, and she was making fresh whipped cream for those before the party.   

"Where are the grills?"  Um, what grills?  Apparently we were supposed to have borrowed the mondo grills from the Boy Scouts for this shindig.  I vaguely remember making the offer back in June, but she waved it off saying she'd rent them, so we didn't have them.  So, with less than an hour before the reception, we're frantically borrowing grills from the neighbors. 

We ran out of crepes pretty quickly, and Shannon heard her say "I made crepes for 300 people.  It's not MY fault people took more than one.  I'm not making more!"

The kabobs seemed to take forever to cook, though WC hadn't wanted to start them before the party started at 7:00.

Half of the cupcakes weren't frosted.  It turned out that she'd planned to make cream cheese frosting and frost all 150 of them at my house, sometime between 4:00 and 8:00.  Except.  Yeah.  She was busy doing the decorating and putting out sauces for the kabobs and on and on and on.

Essentially, she bit off way more than she could chew and she was not prepared for the reception.  One neighbor spent the entire evening in the kitchen, helping with whatever she could.  It was unbelievable.

Then they wanted to know what we were going to do with all the trash?  Excuse me?  What are WE doing with the trash?  You're taking it with you!  WC's husband said "Well, I guess we'll have to find a dumpster somewhere for this trash."  Great, add theft of services to the list.

At the end of the night, WC kept promising they'd leave food for us (didn't happen) and they decided that the *only* thing that went wrong was that they'd left the gluten free cupcakes at their house by mistake.

Really?  That's the ONLY thing?!

On the upside, we got lots of compliments about the party.  The vast majority of the guests had NO idea what was happening behind the scenes. 

Other gems we overheard "Well, everything was going fine until Bride talked to people and turned them against me."  Nope.  Your tantrum in my back yard is what did it for me.

Sheesh!   For the amount of money they paid her, we could've hired a caterer and done the decorating ourselves.  It would've been a lot less stress all the way around.  We still have an extension cord that belongs to the lighting guy, but WC won't return our emails so we can't get it back to him. 

And the final problem, Psycho (the old and crochetty dog) got bit on the ear by one of the neighbor dogs while he was hanging out over there.  At the vet on Monday, she called him a drama queen, for the way he was acting about how much it hurt!  I laughed cuz it's true!  So he had 10 days worth of antibiotics to clear that up.  It was just the final straw in the whole thing.

This whine brought to you by....

mozzarella!

ROFL!  I crack myself up.  (Get it?  Whine and cheese?)  Okay, so maybe it's not that funny.

I'm sick.  Alana brought home a tummy bug that has my stomach rebelling against everything I put in it.  Over the last three days, that amounts to 2 cups apple juice, 27 Saltines, 3 cups of tea, and 2 packets of Cream of Wheat.  On the upside, I've lost three pounds.  Though really, this is not the weight loss plan I'd recommend.

*sigh*  So I'm whiny and bored.  And I really can't be too far from a toilet at any given time.  Not to mention that I don't really want to wear pants.

I'm stuck at home.  Now, there are a dozen things I *could* be doing around here.  It's the end of the first week of school and my house surely shows it.  The laundry is scary, the papers have exploded, and no one is quite sure what's for dinner.

But I'm sick.  And I don't have the energy to care.  Except maybe about dinner (Tristan, what are you making for dinner?).

Thank heaven's the kids are old enough to mostly manage on their own.  And Bruce is trying to be helpful.  And there's always tomorrow or next week when I'm feeling better.  We'll live.

So, instead of playing more stupid Facebook games (anyone wanna be my neighbor on ChefVille?), I thought I'd FINALLY update around here.  There are about a dozen posts I've been meaning to write.  Though I'm sure I've forgotten half of them.

Sit back and enjoy!

On Writing

I entered the Iron Pen competition again this year (I did it in 2010), with a poem and a fictional story.  Essentially, it's a speed-writing contest.  You're given a "visual" writing prompt (a picture) and you have to come up with your submission based on that photo. 

The writing was a BLAST!  I had so much fun with the story and waiting to see where it would take me next.  I have to say, though, at first I was stumped.  The photo was not particularly inspiring.  Then I started brain-storming a bit.  First I was going to write a murder mystery, but I quickly shelved that plan.  Too many questions to answer in too few words (there's a 4000 word limit).  For a murder mystery, you have to have a victim, who has a life that led to his/her death.  You have to have a reason for the crime (I suppose it could be random, but where's the fun in that?!).  You have to have a murderer, and a connection between the two.  And it can't be obvious or the story's no fun.  Way too complicated for this contest. 

So the new story was born, out of the old one.  I thought it was really good.  And it was a crazy, wild ride, writing and seeing where the story went.  It truly had a mind of its own.  I did find myself doing a bunch of internet research, and I'd have LOVED to do more in-depth research using historical documents and the like, but at midnight on a Friday night, well, that's not possible.  I pored over maps, after rounding them up from 3 different vehicles.  I went back to National Parks brochures saved in my scrapbooking piles. 

And the story was born.

And it was good.  My neighbor did some proofing for me, since it's nearly impossible for me to do that when I was so close to it....I knew what I meant to say, so I wound up reading that on the page, whether or not those words were actually ON the page!  LOL!

Neighbor loved the story and added some crucial comments; questions left unanswered, that sort of thing. 

I turned it in. 

And I didn't win.

Disappointing, for sure.  But it wasn't about the destination.  The journey was very important for me.  I haven't been writing much in recent years.  The contest was a challenge I *almost* bailed out of at the last minute.  Simply completing the story was a victory.

And yet.

Dh thinks that the judges were looking for something specific.  The contest is in conjunction with a local arts festival, and there is a bit of an environmental leaning to it.  Dh he asked me who my audience was.  When I answered that it was your garden-variety historical fiction buff (just like myself), he pointed out that perhaps I should remember the judges. 

Which brings up something very interesting.  Do I write the story that is emerging, or do I write something I think will win?  Obviously, I chose the latter.  I was hoping that a good story would trump the (admittedly assumed) bias of the judges. 

Of course, there's always the possibility that mine was one of a number of good entries.   Perhaps it made a short list, but a few typos and at least one run-on sentence tanked me.  All things being equal, I suppose those things could've done me in.  I'm hoping that the winning entries are posted online (the author would need to give permission for that and some don't) so I can see what won.  I'm sure I can be objective....right?

It's also possible that it's not as good as I think it is.

Naaaaah!

What I Learned Working Full-Time

1.  My family is more and less capable than I thought.  On the one hand, they pulled together and things worked out.  On the other hand, lots of things that I normally do weren't done and no one really seemed to notice that they needed doing until it directly impacted them. 

Bruce had to be more of a parent because I couldn't, for any reason, leave my job, if the kids needed something.  He had to make and keep orthodontist appointments for the girls, for instance.  Thankfully, his job is pretty flexible and he could take care of things.

The kids became more inter-dependant, leaning on each other, because I wasn't as available.  Shannon helped Alana finish up a poster for her county report.  Tristan helped Shannon with her math homework (that one probably would've happened anyway because it's been a loooong time since either of her parents have done that stuff).  They also became even more independent, as well, solving problems on their own.  Some of that made me feel guilty, but then again, they have to grow up eventually.

Now, the laundry and much of the cleaning fell to the wayside.  It seemed as if I was the only one truly aware of how underwear gets from the hamper back into the drawers.  While they all have an idea of how this happens, planning for it is apparently impossible for anyone but me.  *sigh*

There were numerous cooking "experiments" that went awry, and I have to say that grocery shopping in the evenings or on the weekends was a huge challenge.  I like showing up to a nearly-empty store on a Tuesday morning, thankyouverymuch. 

2.  I drive a lot less when I'm working.  I usually average a tank of gas per week.  While working, that went to about a tank every two weeks.  So, while I felt guilty driving the mile to the school every morning rather than walking, in the end I used far less gas.

3.  I also spend less money when I'm working.  Payday would come and go and the money just hung out in my account.

4.  However, my drinking increased quite a bit.  I often had one of my "alcho-pops" while grading papers or inputting things into the computer.  The bottles piled up to prove it. 

5.  One would think that I'd eat less and potentially lose weight, being on a stricter schedule.  Notsomuch.  I'd have my smoothie for breakfast, a snack during morning recess, lunch, and then a snack after school, plus dinner.  I don't think I ate too much junk because I tried to keep healthy snacks as my only option, but I didn't lose any weight.  However, I didn't gain any either.

Would I do it again? 

I don't really know.

Crazy Dreams

I've had some really crazy dreams lately, and a good friend (Hi Trish!) said I should write a book. I'm not sure anyone would pay to read my craziness, so here it is for you to judge.

The first dream features said good friend. I'd been texting her off and on and she wasn't responding. I wasn't really upset about it. We both have busy lives with husbands, kids, jobs, church commitments, animals and homes. Texting is fabulous because we can "talk" in spurts whenever we've got a moment or two. Apparently Trish's work had been really busy so she hadn't answered me.

My subconscious apparently came up with reasons why and it was a doozy! LOL! In my dream, I got tired of not knowing what was going on, so I went to visit her. She was divorced, without telling me, and she'd moved. She was also head over heels in love with someone else. In addition, her husband's mother, who is wonderful, had turned mean and crazy, just like Trish's husband. he'd hid the crazy meanness for two years and then unleashed it on Trish, who divorced his butt and then fell in love with someone else. All without telling me!! I had to go visit to find all of this out.

As if that wasn't enough, she'd bought a new house that was really cool. It was almost a treehouse, and, upon waking, I found that my dream-Trish-house reminded me of what I think of when I read about ekeles in Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar books. Seriously, the treehouse house was AWESOME!

Oh, and Trish could fly. Like Peter Pan, without wings, kinda swimming through the air.

And I couldn't. *frowny face*

A few nights later, I shared the crazy dream love with another friend/classmate. I haven't seen this gal in at least a decade as I don't recall if she made it to the reunions or not. I'm FaceBook friends with her, so I "see" her life there, but that's really the only contact I have with her.

In my dream, this classmate joined me at a Creative Memories convention. I have no idea why as she's not a CM Consultant, but whatever. Maybe she should be?

At the convention center, there was a bank, like the banks you have at grocery stores. Just a small branch, though larger than what I usually see around here, with a small waiting area, a coin counting machine, and maybe four tellers behind a counter. So my classmate goes into the bank, and the bank promptly gets held up. My classmate was then kidnapped by the bank robber. I could see this happening from a window outside, so I snuck into the side door of the bank and told one of the tellers to pull the money trap which would set off a silent alarm. Why the tellers were oblivious to the hold-up/kidnapping is beyond me, but they were, and no, I have no idea why they hadn't already set off the alarm, but there you go.

The alarm locked the bank doors, so the robber couldn't get back in, though he tried. Why? I don't know. So he went out the back of the convention center with my classmate. I followed them, as the only person in the entire convention to even notice there was a problem. The bad guy got away, but I couldn't find my classmate. Finally I found her in a hole, like dug in the dirt. She couldn't get out, but she was waving a construction sign and that's how I found her.

I guess I needed to be the hero?

In the latest crazy dream, I was starting my new subbing job, but when I got to the school, while hanging out in the teacher's room before school, I decided that another teacher needed my help, so I went to her classroom instead. In the dream, this was a perfectly reasonable thing to do as there was an aide or something in "my" room. But then the regular teacher showed up at school, still pregnant, and was wondering just what in the heck I was doing. She even said something like "Well, I was positive you could handle this, but now I'm not so sure" as we walked from to her class. Her kids had been unsupervised for a couple of hours, and were diligently working away on their math, bless their hearts.

That one was a bit easier to decipher it's meaning.......

Couponing Is Paying Off

I've been using coupons this year, and I've been tracking my coupon savings. Bruce points out that this is NOT the only way I save money....I LOVE sales and I adore those pretty little "manager's special" tags at my local grocery store for things that are discontinued or nearing their date or whatever.

But I can only track coupons.....

So far, this year, I've saved $221.93.

It takes me about an hour per week to clip, file, and sort them. So, 13 weeks into the year, that makes $17.07 per hour I'm earning/saving!

Me like my coupons!

A Conundrum

I play Words with Friends on Facebook and my phone. I really enjoy the game, and I love that it's portable and I can play when I have a moment. And I love the puzzle of it.

My sister and I were playing for awhile, and I realized pretty quickly that she was using the app to find good moves and words. My nephew texted me and told me she was cheating, but I already knew that. My reaction was not what DN expected, to say the least. The conversation went like this:

DN: She's cheating
Me: She wouldn't be the first. Did she download the app?
DN: An app
Me: Well, so far, she's not coming up with anything too off the wall
DN: You should pretend to be mad at her.
Me: Um, ok......tell your mom I'm mad at her for cheating.
Me: And I saw you roll your eyes
DN: HOW?!
Me: It's a mom thing. ROFL!

He really was expecting me to be mad. But really, it's just a game, and I knew she was using the app because her game-play style changed. And I still beat her. I think anyway. It didn't really seem important.

Now I'm playing with another friend. Our first game, I whipped her. Without using an app or a website. So, our second game started, and about halfway through, it became *very* clear that she was using the Words With Friends app. This app essentially looks at the game board and finds the very best move possible, including where to put it. It's not just a dictionary or word finder. It basically plays the game.

Seriously, what is the point? So she won. But she didn't. Her phone/computer beat me.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have used a word finder website from time to time, that takes my letters and shows me words I can create with them. I still have to see if the words will fit/work on the scrabble board, however. I often will throw letters on the board in the hopes that "ro" is a word (it's not, btw) or whatever, until I find something that works. And I never pass up an opportunity to use a bonus tile. But isn't that the whole point of the game?

And I'm annoyed. For no good reason, really. I want to call her out. But, I suspect she believes that *I'm* using the app or a similar one. And I'm not. Because if I did, again, what is the point? My app would be playing her app.

I guess I should be flattered? That it takes an app to beat me? But it still bugs me.

Changes.....

There are changes afoot at my house this spring. I've been offered, and have accepted, a long-term subbing position teaching 3rd grade for a teacher who is having a baby this week. I'll start after Spring Break, April 2nd to be exact, and I'll teach at least until Memorial Day. The teacher is planning to be back for the last week of school, but we'll see what motherhood brings for her.

Apparently, the teacher had one long-term sub lined up, but she cancelled. The next sub needed at least 10 days off over the next 8 weeks, which the principal felt was simply too much instability and upheaval for the kids, so she called me and asked if I was interested. With a bit of trepidation, I said yes. The teacher and I have talked quite a bit this week and she has great confidence in me. I'm not as confident, but I'll do my best, and I can wing it with the best of them. There will be field trips and end-of-year testing in there, which will give me a bit of a break, so we'll see how it all goes.

I'll be at Alana's elementary school, and while I've never taught in this particular class, I have worked with the special ed kids from her class when I subbed special ed a few weeks ago.

I'm a little worried about the home front, honestly. Our family is structured around my being at home, or mostly at home. The older kids are quite used to mom picking them up from school every afternoon, and Alana has really never known me to be anything other than a SAHM. But, this is a great opportunity, and I can do a service for this teacher who needs someone she can count on to take "her kids." I understand and appreciate that sentiment. I'm fortunate to have a supportive husband whose job is somewhat flexible. He's already scheduled to take Alana to a couple of her orthodontist appointments that are during school hours and can't be rescheduled.

I think the hardest part will be not having any alone time, or at least not having as much as I'm used to. As it is now, if I need a break, I simply choose not to work on a given day. And much of my free time has just flown out the window. But, really, it's only for 8-9 weeks. I'll live and appreciate summer all the more, I think.

On a more practical level, how in the world do I get the laundry and grocery shopping done?! I'm going to have to go shopping on Saturday or Sunday, and I have to tell you, the thought of the grocery store on Saturday gives me hives! I may just turn into one of those crazy people who haunts the halls of Walmart at 2:00 in the morning! LOL!

The Mystery (and Frustration) of Reiki

I had a session with a Reiki practitoner last week. It was interesting, but I'm left will all kinds of questions afterward. I woke up horribly dizzy that morning, so she did what she could to "ground" me, and it really did help. By the next day, the dizziness was gone.

As we started, she asked me to set an intention. I started with "contentment" but she said that I really can't have that since it's not part of my personality. I was a bit taken aback at that, to be honest. But she explained that I'm a dynamic person, one who does not accept the status quo, so contentment just might be beyond my reach.

So, we settled on 'acceptance' for my intention.

And then things got weird....and frustrating.

She said several cryptic things that I still haven't figured out much of anything. She told me that I need to be aware before I can accept, but wouldn't get more specific and that's driving me crazy. I said that I consider myself to be pretty self-aware, and her response was "self-aware, but not aware." Aware of what? What am I missing? Grrrr!!

That led to a bit of discussion about how not being aware can be a protective mechanism, which reminded me of when I was in college and had a really bad break up. I was absolutely convinced that we'd get back together, get married, and live happily ever after. I was slightly delusional (just a bit...shut up Trish!), but I also think it was my mind's way of protecting me. If I'd had to accept that all at once, in my emotionally fragile state, it would've been simply more than I could do. Over time, as I healed I gradually came to understand that things were over, and it was okay.

I mentioned this to her, and she said that I was missing a few steps in there. Okay......?

When talking about the dizziness, she said it was still around a bit and "we both know why." Um, no, no we don't!!

She had me choose colors and used those to choose scents for me. The first color that came into my head was red, but I went to purple instead. She asked for a second one and I said red, and then she chose a third scent. I recognized the first scent, but I can't recall now what it was. The second one smelled terrible. My first reaction to that was "YUCK!" The third one was very calming. I thought it was chamomile, but it was lavender. I think she was a bit surprised when I recognized it.

She placed a scented cloth over my eyes which smelled of grapefruit and I relished it. I finally asked her what that was about, and she turned it around on me, asking what it meant to me. I love the smell of grapefruit. I'm not as wild about the flavor, but the smell is one of my favorites, which begs the question of why. It's a crisp, zesty scent. Then she asked if I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. And grapefruits are a warm weather, tropical, SUNNY fruit. She told me that it would help to have grapefruits and other citrus around to help with the winter blahs that hit me so hard this time of year.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and some writing, but it's still so frustrating. I've said before that I'm a road map and reservation kinda girl. I want to know the answers and if I don't know the answer, I want to know where to find the answer. This isn't that kind of situation; at least, so far, I've resisted that route. We'll see how long that lasts as I'm curious and I'm sure my library will have some books on Reiki and the like.

She told me that I've got an inquisitive mind and that sometimes gets in the way of these things. So, for now, I've been just letting it lie and hoping for inspiration. But the inspiration and insight isn't coming and that bugs me. I want answers and I want the NOW, thankyouverymuch!

I know. You're shocked.

I did have one thought about the whole "aware but not aware" thing. I got to thinking of all the things that I'm aware of but I don't pay any attention to. Imagine trying to be aware of every single little thing around you. We'd go completely crazy with information overload! Our brains are, on some level, aware of all kinds of things that we don't pay any attention to. It filters all the input and shows us what we need to see. Sometimes our brain lets us down, though, and we miss something important.

I know I'm aware of all kinds of things in my house that I don't really pay attention to until it matters. For instance, I can tell you who is walking up the stairs while laying in my bed. I even do it when I'm asleep! Aware, but not aware.

So perhaps that applies in this situation too, though I haven't figured out quite how.

And it's annoying the tar out of me!

On Fresh Starts

I don't know about you, but I have this idea that I need to wait until a traditional moment to start something new--a Monday, first of the month, New Year's, etc. Recently, the thought struck me....Why?

Why do I wait to make those changes until next week or next month, or even tomorrow? What is that about?

I think some of it is pure laziness. I know I probably shouldn't eat yet another turnover or piece of chocolate, but I'll give it all up for Lent. I know I should probably quit after the first hour of Facebook games (I wish I were kidding), but inertia has taken over so I'll do that tomorrow.

And maybe it's a chance to give myself permission to be naughty for now and be good later. I don't know. I really haven't figured out why I do it.

So in the last few weeks, I've been trying to start NOW rather than waiting to make a good choice tomorrow. It's not working all the time, but it is helping. When I hear myself thinking "I'll change that tomorrow/next week," I stop and ask myself why I'm waiting. it's all a process, and I sure wish someone could answer the million dollar question of why it's easier to break good habits than it is to break bad habits? What is that about?