这五个月来的我　爱上了一把好声音

那是一把响亮　浑厚　高亢　的嗓音
堪称天籁之音

当然它不是没有瑕疵的
但是正是一些些的瑕疵　才证明了这是地球人专属的嗓子

不管这把声音的主人怎么诠释　都轻而易举的打入我的心扉
尤其当一首又一首的感动旋律在耳边舞动
心情真的被那声音带着游走

这把声音　比起其他更加经验老到的　或许还算不上什么
可是　我爱上了这把声音
这是第一把能够彻底将我溶化的声音

这把声音专属的主人　李佳薇

我不封她为偶像
但却实实在在的喜欢听她唱歌
这一 应该也是比赛一路走来　她渴望的事情

就是纯粹把歌唱给大家听～
她只是想要站上舞台　接受大家的掌声　得到大家的认同

星光的孩子　马来西亚的骄傲
但愿这把好声音　不会因为娱乐圈的现实　而被埋没
更希望

娱乐圈的魔力　不会令这把声音的主人
忘记自己最初唱歌的目的

“让大家听见　李佳薇　的声音　她的音乐　她的演唱会～”

黑暗中 我伸出了双手
在冰冷的空气里 我感受不到一丝的温暖
却不愿意将双手 收进口袋里

记忆里的自己 是
报喜不报忧

如果…. 我现在会拥有什么样更好的成就吗？
如果…. 我可以选择做自己喜欢的事情吗？
如果…. 我可以选择不要每天戴上面具吗？

太多的如果

眼泪往肚子里吞　什么人说男生就不可以哭　不可以感性
都是女人的逻辑　为什么感性的男生就不象男生
为什么敢于表达　会哭的男生就是软弱

每一次和身边的人　分享自己走过的路
他们都会说　哇你很坚强　你很什么什么的
他们羡慕的眼光　换来的是我心里一丝的安慰
可是其实　如果有的选择我才不要　经历哪些事情　然后换来人们的肯定

一些比较富有的亲戚　很爱说
“哎　读那么多书干什么　读书厉害不代表赚钱厉害＂
我都在想　亏他们还敢说
他们家境富有　书读不成　当然没关系　家族生意等待他们接手
我呢？　如果在这个现实的社会　不把握一些实际　具体的东西
就好像一纸文凭　如果没有了它　我又有什么赌注？
难道好像以前的时代　就单靠那股肯拼得精神？　什么都不管　就是　爱拼才会赢？
可能没错　但是我拿什么来拼？
青春？？

其实我没有那么勇敢
一切都是外表上的假象

长大了　很多时候　我会在强者面前
不经意的流露出软弱的心态

因为我是自愿那样　故作懦弱
等待强者施舍我那么一丁点　依赖的时间～

我真的很违反世间法则
因为我没有遇强则强～

很抱歉　我是需要掌声才能继续生存的家伙
需要一个属于自己的舞台　被人完全认同才能生存的家伙
是个为了别人眼光　没有灵魂的家伙
我不够勇敢～

突然想写一些屁话

人　被依赖久了　会累的　会希望调换个角色

人　依赖别人久了　会懒的　但不希望调换角色　反而希望继续堕落

人　有了伴侣久了　会觉得好烦　会无厘头地希望有个自己的空间

人　独自一个人久了　原来会上瘾的　但不知不觉　他也忘了要怎么样两个人相处

人　被人看不起　会觉得很无奈　无能　久了　变得无所谓　但是开心

人　被人看得起　很开心　久了　会很辛苦　会很挣扎　就因为别人的眼光　他不能低头　久了　也不懂得低头

人生就这样　年轻时的执着　倔强
然后不知不觉地
不断在左右徘徊
在对与错之间逗留
在黑与白之间寻找期待中的灰色地带
在得与失之间寻找平衡
久了　患得患失
然后　什么都　没关系了

哈拉完毕！

When you made a mistake, though was just a careless one, once you were sinner, forever you are the sinner in their eyes. You wouldn’t hope for another chance because you understand no matter how hard you try, you won’t get means you won’t get. That’s life. It certainly a valuable lesson to learn and be remembered; when you work with the ordinary people, you have to tell yourself, they are just ordinary, who are not willing to give people the second chance. When you work with ordinary people, you have to remind yourself, for not letting yourself down even with just a minor, silly mistake that you made.

Alright, it already passed.

Well, soon I am going to finish my second month attachment in Guinness. I have already started typing my internship reports this week since I am absolutely free like a nobody in the laboratory. While I am counting how many days left before I move to another department, I was thinking why don’t I grab some time to deal with the reports.

Chinese New Year is around the corner. Few more days to go. 🙂 That’s the most exciting stuff I am eagerly looking forward to, something in my mind which could enlighten my day in the office whenever I realize the festive season is soon arrive.

I guess the next plan that I expecting so much would be my Australia trip. I guess it would be another beautiful remark in my life. I would grab every chance to learn, to survive yet to fight off everything, for future preparation. I would definitely equip myself with all the abilities to cross the next challenging threshold in life.

Return back to the topic, working and Chinese New Year.

Working life is quite boring, especially I always have to look for ways to keep myself occupied. The people were busy with their daily routine and sometimes neglect me and makes me feel I am nobody. I guess another reason is they have taught what ever I should have known in that department.

Another thing to mention is that I finally make my monthly planner full of remarks – meaning I have date for almost all the weekends in February. Wohoo. Hopefully, I will find some happiness and enjoy life through all the crazy weekends later.

I told my colleague today:

I am like nobody in the office. I walk like the wind, without anyone realize my existence; I am like the sand, too tiny and none would catch me in their eyes. I am totally free from work. (Actually not really, I still have my project to follow, but I just don’t care!) … *emo* Haha, I guess all just because hormone imbalance, again. Let time do its job,  like the past,

I always believe time could mend a broken heart, so it shouldn’t be a big problem since I am just hormone imbalance. 🙂

原本疲惫的身躯
体内细胞却再一次被寂寞的夜
猛猛地敲醒

细细品尝着热茶
这样的夜里 思绪就是不听使唤
脑袋里的细胞也被激活了

既然睡不着 那就让我来谈谈 代价
代价 凡事都必须付出代价
现在的我不睡觉
付出的代价就是 明天肯定日上三竿才愿意醒过来

忙碌工作的代价是什么? 是失去了消遣的空间
自以为是的代价是什么? 是失去了自我认知的能力
熬夜读书的代价是什么? 是失去了成绩也换不来的健康

然后
完美主义者的代价是什么?
执着的代价是什么?

代价就好像我现在这样 形影孤单

这样的夜里 倘若能够有个打电话聊天的对象 或者有个能够想念的对象
那或许可以改变现在寂寞孤单的气氛

但是 我找不到那么一个对象
既时幻想的力气都没有 更别说找个幻想对象

是我习惯了孤单? 难道男人就不需要肩膀?
还是我要求过于完美？就连选择对象也一样拥有过分的要求？

还是说穿了 我应该是懦弱吧？

这些日子 尤其经历了在美国的那些日子
每当面对问题时
我都选择了独自面对
不再像从前那样 到处找人诉苦
现在的我明白到除了自己 没有任何人能替代我跨越难关
路是自己的

23年了 一个人继续走着
有家人朋友的陪伴
却依然少了身边的半只贝壳

当然 就算贝壳出现了
我也没有太多的时间 力气
付出什么…

或许我应该要让自己成为杂志里面提到的
“钻石王老五” 那样
那么将来就不用害怕没有选择~

或许 不是我要求过高
而是没有人青睐我？

嗯 但爱情现在不是我生命中的重点
它是个奢侈品

当然 奢侈品
每个人都希望拥有~

拥有奢侈品 需要代价吗？

倘若我说
你愿意接受我的一切吗？
你会怎么回答？

说穿了
我真正害怕的是找不到能够完全接受到自己的人

我是个完美主义者
当某个人有千百万个缺点 我肯定接受不了
但是 我更害怕的是找到了对的人
而倒过来
她却不能够接受我的缺点

自卑 或许是我这头狮子最贴切的形容词~

I just went down to the living room and top up my cup of Chinese tea. Tonight, I choose to spend my leisure time on magazines, Facebook, my diary planner and of course, rewarding myself a private space of thoughts.

Industrial training experience now often makes me feel lethargic, both mentally and physically. Though I don’t deny the fact that, I am given a lot of chances to learn. Most importantly, I think I am able to discuss a lot, regarding about brewery industries. However, working five days a week, with the fix working schedule, I guess I couldn’t stand long to this kind of life. I guess I started to understand what this phrase means: “Working means no life.” Once we start working on field, our daily conversations are all surrounded by commercial topics, all work-related. I hate that!

Alright, put that aside! Ops, before that, 2 months to go and I will have my training ended, I think I would miss some of them. 😦

So what’s up for the night?

A moody silence night I have. I embrace the tranquility once again, having my thoughts fly far away from the current moment, I am again thinking and planning, or shall I say, try to re-scheduling my plan? Once again, I am thinking on my Postgraduate plan, on when should I pursue that degree? I wish to start off my own business, but when would the right timing arrive? I know I shouldn’t have just wait, when we talk about business, I knew we need courage and strike for the best effort in turning the high risk into high return. However, I just have a rough plan about the business so I would rather choose to wait, though waiting might means failure, but I think I wouldn’t care much about that.

I am now in the brewery industry, education industry and service industry. So which one I end up loving the most?

Stop my thoughts from now, otherwise I think I would have a migraine for the night.

Alright, CNY, Another 2 weeks to go, we will celebrate Chinese New Year. But why I couldn’t feel the change of atmosphere? I couldn’t find the heat out there, none is looking forward to it. No passion?

Again, what life means har? Aduh.

My ASTRO 今年又推出了贺岁片
感动 温馨 搞笑

从开始到结尾
充满着
浓厚的乡土情
温馨的爷孙情
踏实的母子情
感动的父子情
然后 朴素的爱情

本土的电影 带出最原始的味道
耳熟能详的对白
一幕幕熟悉的场景
有感动的泪水
有欢乐的笑声

或许看在很多人眼里 它并不算什么大制作
可是那么样温馨小品
正好让我们这些都市里的人们
得到深思的机会 提醒我们切莫错过某些人事物

百行以孝为先
今年电影主题不断围绕孝道的话题
又一句对白
“时间是人挤出来的”
都市人往往都在说 没有时间 不能！
却忽略了其实稍微的调整 就能筹些空档
陪陪身边重要的人

父母前大半生劳碌抚养我们成人
而我们也只能拥有陪伴父母下半生的机会
子欲养而亲不在 这句话电影里也出现过

子孙情的情节更让我想起已逝的公公婆婆
我真的好想念他们
因为我也曾经感受过那种人视如宝贝的滋味
他们疼爱我 爱护我
但我却连拿份成绩单 让他们骄傲的机会都没有

很多人都说 等
等我们长大再说
等我们工作再说
等我们发达再说
的确 我们能够等待
没有意外发生 我们还会有起码五十年的生命
但是 我们的父母呢？
还有多少时间等候？

很多人也说
失败没关系 再来过
这句话没错
但很多人往往却过分利用这一句话
“你们别管我 失败跌倒我会爬起。”
我个人看来 这句话的用意 是提醒鼓励失败中的人们
但却不认同所有人都可以乱说一通
什么是所谓的不用管？没关系？失败了再爬起？

父母愿意 忍心看着我们跌倒吗？
他们又还有多少时间等待你跌倒再爬起?
所以我觉得凡事都应该为身边人的着想
这不是迂腐 而是负责任的行为！

无论晴天 雨天 天天都是好天
虽然只有23岁
但是我非常能够体会这一句话
因为每天工作回家 回到家里
看见一家人平安 又过一天
和和气气的
管它外边是狂风暴雨
天天都是好天

戏院里戏终人却未散
每个人仿佛不舍得离开
这一群都市人是否觉得好久心灵没有得到足够的滋润
这部戏正好解决这种都市病态？

我今晚坐在最后一排
看见前方的所有座位
电影圆场了 却没有任何一个人离开
每个人观赏着花絮 然后全场不断暴笑
简单的一幕花絮 就足以让大家乐开怀

这部戏让大家发笑
原因并不是因为真的有笑点
理由其实很简单

因为我们都曾经熟悉过
那一幕幕的情节~

因为我们都在不知不觉中忽略了身边重要的人事物~

＊曙光可为我疗伤～雨下后会不会一样～
这段路有很多急转弯…..手握着手说不要慌张～～

你看到彩虹的家，在心中有没有答案，
所有的事别往心里转～走出黑暗面对着变化。

Manager’s words during my first week of work prompted in my mind, “Try to put yourself as part of our team.”

Though I am not sure, where would I stand at the end of my internship. I wouldn’t sure how much could I learn from here.

Being placed in the Microbiology laboratory this week certainly creates a lot of joys and satisfaction in me. To summarize or to conclude for my first month training in GAB, I guess I can say it is moderately good, but I wouldn’t say it is great. As usual, because I ask for more than that.

For brewing Microbiology, Yeasts and Bacteria are my best companion each day. Of course, not forget to mention my beloved trainer who willing to share with me and have her trust on me for carried out the microbiology test on the samples. 🙂 Pour Plate, Final Attenuation Test and Membrane Filtration as my current daily routine job; then followed by Microbes Identification, Plate Streaking and etc to lighten up my day.

So that’s my training story about Microbes.

I am still awake now though is already 1am, because this is Friday night. The most lovely day and night of the week, which I could enjoy doing my private stuffs, without bothering about other serious matters which surround my mind all day long like the other days in a week. 🙂

Chinese New Year is almost here again! So, what you guys have bought for the New Year? I guess I have really bought a lot, about 8 clothes, 3 pants/jeans and a pair of shoes. Of course, I just die my hair last week. 🙂

So, just in case I have no time to write another post, Happy Chinese New Year in advanced. !

Industrial training in Guinness Anchor is never an easy task to handle. I guess for a newbie like me and my friends, the first industrial working experience will always be an unforgettable experience for every one of us.

I started the training in GAB last 1st December. I was enthusiastically stepping across the front gate threshold of GAB, passed by the Human Resource Department, and then the Technical Department, which I will receive my training here for 4 months.

The first day of work, the manager and assistant manager briefly discussed with me on my training program. They promised me a good learning environment and telling that I will have a lot of chance to learn and they are willing to teach. Basically, GAB production team mainly composed of Brewing, Packaging, Engineering and Quality & Process Assurance Department. The main department I would be attached to is the QPA Department, for which this department will cooperate with other 3 departments, and they responsible for the final decision-making before the finished products are released to the market.

However, things were not as good as I thought initially. For the first month of training, I been taught by my supervisor about the in process quality checking, basically about the daily routine check on the products’ quality which includes the raw materials, by-products and finished products. Quality parameters basically involved pH, Original gravity, color, foam stability and haze. There are a lot parameters yet to learn, however, until now that’s all I have learned.

Then, I was being assigned with a project by my manager, generally about the laboratory instrumental maintenance and calibration. I have to conquer and familiarize myself with the instruments which I have never seen before this in my life. I was also helping my assistant manager in her monthly reports and also her quality improvement team. Her team works on Beer Foam Quality Improvement. I enjoy working with her because she is knowledgeable  and willing to teach me. 🙂 Other than that, I also involved in Beer Sensory testing, which I help another senior staff to prepare the beer samples for staff training, beer quality tasting and also for Heineken Sensory Ring Analysis.

You might think my training life seems interesting and lot to learn isn’t it? However, I don’t feel it’s enough. I wasn’t happy with my training there. I felt I need to learn more but they didn’t give me enough chances to learn.

Well, good news came in yesterday. My supervisor has a brief meeting with me. He told me that they will arrange my schedule as they promised. I am being told that I will have a chance to  undergo training in Brewing, Packaging and Engineering departments after Chinese New Year, at which I will stay for two weeks at each of these departments.

Another good news is that finally I got the chance to enter the microbiology laboratory and start learning on sample analyzing, agar preparation and etc. !!!

I am feeling better and start to feel more excited with my training experience in GAB. Well, the only worry now is my health. I have to make sure I am always in good health condition otherwise I would waste all the great chances that come to me. May God bless me.

Trust me, brewing beer is not just about Science, but is also an Art. It’s never easy to master about brewery industry and there is only two brewer masters in Malaysia. One in GAB and another man in Carlsberg. Different types of beers, either lager or ales, there are different types of process involved in order to produce them.

Well, I know I can’t master them within 4 months time. However, I am confident that I would able to understand each stage of beer production within the 4 months time in GAB. 🙂

May God bless me and my friends. May all of us gain the memorable experience during the 4-months internship program.

I shall give it a happy theme for the first post of the new year. However, I don’t think I could make it in this post. Neither happy nor sad, I couldn’t find a suitable theme described for this post anyway, so just write.

I have nothing much to say about my life in the past month. Other than just work, it is still work. Alas, other than being an intern, I am also a patient. Full time patient -.-lll

I have no idea what’s wrong with my body nerve. It just simply not right and sleeping doesn’t help at all. I seek treatment from the Chinese Sinseh. The medical fee is really sucking my blood like the mosquitoes, until I have to stop the Dr. from giving me herbal medicine which I am not afford to pay at such expensive price. -.-lll

I am not sure does it because I am sick all day or for what ever reason it is, I find myself lost my way these days. Arh! I am not moody, yet I don’t feel like communicate with people. I tend to lock myself up at home, stay with family or choose to work 7 days a week. Just once in a while, having gathering with few friends, just a very small group of friends.

Tan Eng Yap! What’s wrong these days?

I DON’T KNOW.

Somewhere the wires are not right, fix it and life moves on. Just wait for the right timing then. Good luck.