Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Things I'm Obsessed With Today: Project Runway

Lifetime - Television for Battered, Raped, Kidnapped, and Cheated on Women - has actually managed to do something positive for humanity and has put Project Runway FULL EPISODES!!! on their website. First of all, the world needs more chicken with egg outfits. If only Tim Gunn hadn't talked him out of the jodhpurs! I think the website would have short circuited with Ecstasy to see that outfit walk the runway.
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Now just imagine the outfit above, with the "chicken thigh" inspired jodhpurs below. A Disasterpiece!
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And a Project Runway all star challenge! YAY! Another episode of Sweet P (a biker chick sweater than molasses), Uli (the Eastern European explosion of rainbows), Korto (a designer who actually makes lovely things), Santino (hell on heels), Jeffrey (a douche, but a talented douche), Chris (the narcoleptic costume designer), and Danny V (melts like butter in your mouth). I really think Uli got screwed, but how delightful was it to see Jeffrey not even make the top four (his stuff was douche-ilicious). Also, anytime anyone thinks "jumpsuit" they should be voted off the island. And if that jumpsuit comes in metallic lycra, the island should be surrounded by shark infested waters.

Korto's Collection
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Uli's Collection
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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Why I Love Stephen Colbert

Because he did this:
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And he somehow hilariously (and classily) brought up the most sensitive military subjects to a military audience. "It must be nice here in Iraq because I understand some of you keep coming back again and again. You've earned so many frequent flier miles, you've earned a free ticket to Afghanistan."
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Formidable Opponent - Don't Ask, Don't Tell
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorStephen Colbert in Iraq


Because he interviewed enlisted soldiers, not just generals.
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Tareq Salha & Robin Balcom
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorStephen Colbert in Iraq


And he built his desk out of red, white, and blue sandbags.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Horror

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the idea that some octogenarian decided that the culmination of his life is to shoot up a holocaust memorial. And who does he shoot? The security gaurd who politely opened the door for him. By all accounts, the bastard is truly a mentally bent bastard. I hope he lives to 105 - rotting in prison. And for punishment, he should be made to watch continuous loops of mixed race weddings, speeches by mixed raced presidents, and Israeli television.

Since visiting Yad Veshem in 1999, Dachau in 2005, and Auschwitz in 2007, I've been puzzled how anyone could possibly deny the Holocaust happened. How does one simply deny the million pieces of documentation by multiple sources. The movies? The photos? The Nazi's own papers? The reports from the inmates, the liberators, the gaurds???

The Holocaust History Project explained the problem succinctly: "The denier gambit is a variant on the falsus in uno, falsus in omnibus (false in one thing, false in all things) formulation which claims that if any one fact about the Holocaust can be proven to be wrong, then all the reported facts are wrong and there was no Holocaust." The US Holocaust Memorial website also has some great links.

The deniers seem to fixate on one tiny, technical detail and use it as proof that the whole thing never happened. A denial website called the Institute for Historical Review (which purports to take an unbiased, historical look at the "facts") had a piece that said the figure of 6 million Jews killed was a gross exageration. It may have only been 4.6 million! As if that makes the difference between genocide and a couple of guys slipping on banana peels.

Another detail - there was a swimming pool at Auschwitz-Birkenau! So Auschwitz-Birkenau was really a luxury spa??? In reality, a couple of the long-term, non-Jewish, Polish prisoners put a board over the water tank in Birkenau and used it for swimming. These guys had kind of a wierd history. Birkenau was the work camp; Auschwitz the extermination camp. Some of the Polish political prisoners had been there for so long (since 1938, and before the purpose of the camp was changed into a Jewish extermination center) that they were put in charge of Jewish work gangs. They were called "kapos" and they were a sadistic bunch of bastards.

They also try to deny the Jews were systemically killed by claiming that most died of "natural causes" in the camps like disease and starvation, instead of in the gas chambers. Yet, how can anyone claim the conditions of the concentration camps were "natural." It's like saying that the Bataan Death March really wasn't an atrocity, because most of the American soldiers died of dehydration, exhaustion, disease and from "tripping" into bayonets and "falling" under trucks.

It's mind boggling the number of ways the Nazis came up with to torture, use, and murder all of these people. And even if deniers want to convince themselves that the Jews were never systematically killed, how can they also deny that the Nazis tried to wipe out the Poles, the Slavs, the Gypsys, the Soviets, the homosexuals, the handicapped, etc., etc.? Soviet prisoners of war were treated no better than dirt, and in violation of all the "rules of war" (not to mention the Geneva Convention), they were murdered as well.

I guess I can only finish this post by saying, we will remember. We will honor the dead and we will honor the survivors. Never again.

Memorial for the Jewish dead at Terezin - a "nicer" ghetto for Czech's Jews. Those who survived here at the beginning of the war were later sent to Auschwitz for "liquadation" toward the end of the war.
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A memorial erected by the Soviets at Terezin for the countless number of Soviet POW's the Nazi's murdered here.
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Auschwitz. It's scale is immense.
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The "effecient" gas chambers and ovens at Auschwitz. The train tracks end here and after "selection," the too young, too old, too infirm were murdered. The Nazi's blew up the facilities before liberation to hide what they were doing.
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Auschwitz is all conscreated ground because the soil is literally infused with bone dust and bone fragments of the victims. This memorial stands by the gas chambers.
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Pawiak Prison in Warsaw. The Gestapo interrogated over 100,000 Poles here during the war, killing 37,000, and sending 60,000 to the concentration camps. All that's left is the foundation because more than 85% of Warsaw was leveled in the war - a large part of it after Nazi retaliation for the Warsaw uprising. Image
A monument to the 1944 Warsaw Uprising, which ultimately failed. This was after the 1943 Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, where the remaining Jews in Warsaw were killed or sent to the camps. The Nazi's expelled the remaining civilian population and firebombed what remained of the city.
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Before the war, there were almost 3.5 million Jews in Poland; after between 180,000 -240,000 were left. Over 3 million non-Jewish Poles died as well. How can one deny it?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Next Family Cruise???

Favorite website of the day: Goths in hot weather.
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And documentary I MUST netflix queue: Goth Cruise.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Rain Delay

Went to the Nats vs. Reds tonight with Mechelle and Brent. Brent scored us some amazing seats on the first base line!
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Rain delayed in the bottom of the 9th inning! I could feel the Nats were ready to finally win a game. They were only 2 runs behind, but had outplayed the Reds through the whole game. And then came the rain. We still don't know who won.
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At least it waited until after the President's raced (Teddy lost as usual) and Thomas Jefferson led us in Take Me Out to the Ballgame.
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Moon Over My ED

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The full moon was on June 7 and even though there is no statistical correlation between the moon and craziness (as you can read on the Skeptic's Dictionary), my ER begs to differ. I swear there is something to this old chestnut, because crazy seems to come out of the woodwork. I'm not talking about people with clinical psychological illnesses. I'm talking about regular people who should know how to behave better!

Speaking of which, if your nurse is running (literally RUNNING!) toward a scene that looks like this: Image
Now is not the time to stop your nurse and ask for a cup of water.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Just in Case You Were Dumb

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Ant Wars

Our apartment was invaded a few days ago by an army of ants. They surrounded and demolished the sugar container, snuck behind enemy lines into the dishwasher (to get at the aforementioned sugar container), went vertical into the cupboards, and have taken over the kitchen counters for their central command. We are at war people. So Joy has released all weapons at the little buggers, and has not ruled out the bug-fog "nuclear" option, if necessary. We have poisoned the food supplies (we are playing dirty) and are awaiting results.

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Shock and Awe was never so artfully disguised.

Friday, June 5, 2009

A Fundamental Question

True or False: was Noah's Ark big enough to hold the dinosaurs? This was a question on a test in Creation Science at Liberty University. A student from Brown went undercover as a student to Liberty (Jerry Falwell's brainchild) and then wrote "The Unlikely Disciple." He took the core curriculum classes at Liberty and this was one of his test questions.
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I admit, I've been puzzling over this one for 2 days. If I were an evangelical fundamentalist, I might think that of course it was big enough! God made it big enough for all 1.4-30 million species we currently have, so why not the dinosaurs? But then again, if the dinosaurs fit on the ark, they would be with us today. But maybe dinosaurs are remnants of the Garden of Eden, and as a final punishment to mankind after kicking us out of the garden, we also lost these fantastic species to the flood? On the other hand, does that mean that I believe that the people before Noah lived at the same time as the dinosaurs? Wouldn't running from T-rex's and feasting on brontosaurs merit a couple of verses in Genesis? Not to mention, there were other cultures there during earth's 6000 year history and surely they would have written about or drawn a dinosaur? So I'm going to answer......True! No wait, False! No True! I never get T/F questions right.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Facts I Would Rather Not Know

Thanks NPR for this gem about the Skull & Bones secret society: Magog is the nickname reserved for the most sexually experienced member of the society. Who was Magog in the 1940s? George H. W. Bush. (Now's an appropriate time for a full body shudder.)

Incidentally, George W. Bush couldn't decide on a nickname, so he was known as "Temporary."

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Monday, June 1, 2009

Using the Power Of Journey for Good - Not Evil

Such is the genius of Glee! So this is kind of a commercial for Glee (a new show on Fox), but I've had their a cappella version of Journey's Don't Stop Believin' stuck in my head for 2 days now. I even broke down and bought it on i Tunes. The classic move on the show comes when a high school teacher plants some pot on the high school quarterback to blackmail him into joining Glee Club. As everyone knows, whatever the popular kids join will become popular (if you blackmail them, they will come...). I really hope this show doesn't get cancelled, because a cappella never sounded so good.



I admit, I'm kind of jealous our Madrigals in high school were never this good singing Puttin' On The Ritz. If only we had the quarterback!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Fun Facts About Chinese

Chinese has anywhere from 7 to 14 major language groups and perhaps over 8000 distinct dialects if you consider that nearly every county in China has it's own dialect and there are over 8000 counties. Oh, and people with different dialects by and large can't understand each other. Why is this a fun fact? Because when a hysterical Chinese patient ends up in the ER with no one to help translate, it means your day is going to suck.
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And they tell us English is complicated!

Speaking of the Chinese, this article has some awesome gems about China's response to the H1N1 flu. Basically, this poor guy from Virginia goes on vacation to China and ends up spending the whole time quarantined in a hospital because his temperature was 98.9 F when he got off the plane. Did I mention his name sounds Mexican? And everyone that took care of him was dressed in full biohazard suits - even though he DID NOT HAVE THE FLU.

The best lines are these: "Patients get three meals a day -- their choice of Chinese cuisine (mostly chicken and rice) or Western cooking (chicken and rice prepared a different way)." And, "A hospital official asked him to sign papers acknowledging that he had been treated well..."

Now a picture of 2 quarantine victims escaping a Chinese flu ward:
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Friday, April 3, 2009

Martha, Martha, Martha: My attempt at home decor

For those of you not fortunate enough to see my actual room after I painted it a delicious Cinnamon Whip contrasted with Rhythmic Blue...Congratulations! You can now feast your eyes on this color experiment gone wrong.
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So taking the initiative (after only 9 months) I have repainted to a beautiful, bold Bicycle Yellow.
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Thursday, April 2, 2009

Visitors! Dave Comes to DC

Dave and I had a great time doing some of the traditional DC sites over the last weekend in March. True to form, it rained. Here's a quick rundown of our itinerary:

March 26: American History Museum - After wandering for 45 minutes looking for parking in the rain, Dave and I both decide we need more time at the museum! Then burgers and peanuts at Five Guys (delightful!).

March 27: Capitol Tour in the new visitor center (which was very nice with plenty of gold leaf and marble to totally justify the $621 million price tag). Dave admires the painting of our Mayflower ancester sitting in the capitol rotunda, and we get a nice education on Representatives Clay, Webster, and Calhoun in the leadup to the Civil War. For lunch fried Saltenas from little El Salvador in Alexandria.
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After that Mt. Vernon! Also completely redone and totally worth the price of an annual pass. The Mt. Vernon Ladies Assoc. are pretty well connected if the quality of their Washington movies are any judge. I foresee an HBO miniseries in the making! As Dave commented (several times), George Washington was a stud.
Image Dave in George Washington's Front Parlor
Image The squirrels going to town in the pig trough at Mt. Vernon

March 28: Ford's Theatre was also totally redone and now busier than ever. We discoved a problem with their timed tickets as ticketmaster only distributes tickets on the hour, but tours are supposed to take place every 30 minutes. So the ranger decided he was only going to answer random questions, not give a talk. However, we outsmarted him with the question: "Please walk us through what happened the night Lincoln was shot." And he gave his speil anyway (horaay us!). After that we spent the rest of the day back in the American History Museum, which again was just redone. I'm happy to see the Colbert painting has found a happy home. On the way back to Alexandria, we walked over to the Iwo Jima memorial and then visited the new 9/11 memorial at the Pentagon.
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Flashback: Megan's Birthday 2008

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Some little known photos from Megan's birthday sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's on her birthday. Meg and Abs were determined to build a fort. I'm so proud!

The only hiccup came when grandma wondered out loud if the fort would collapse, smothering the girls with blankets during the night. Megan overheard, and then wondered, "what if the fort COLLAPSES and SMOTHERS us with blankets during the night?!?" She was wary of the fort's potential for deadly disaster for at least 30 more seconds before crawling in with her sleeping bag.

The other highlight of the night came when Megan gave me a quiz to find out just what Aunt Kelli thought about life and everything.
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Monday, February 9, 2009

Otra Vez En Espanol

I finally found a show that caters to my lever of Spanish comprehension. Here's hoping they come up with El Departmento Emergencia! Maybe then I can learn to conjugate in past and future tense!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The French Strike Again

I watched a movie today that so resembled the little French girl's story (see Jan. 7 post), I can't help but think the whole country is high on wine and cigarette smoke. I will provide a comparison between the Mister Lonely movie and the French girl. Mister Lonely was funny to look at (like the little Amelie French kid), made no sense (like Winnie the Pooh losing monkeys), went no where (somehow and lion tries to kill himself and ends up in heaven with a hippo), introduced other characters whose stories went nowhere (how did a witch end up in this story?), and ends depressingly (same). But again, it was all very cute to look at. So you can see what I'm talking about, I've helpfully pirated pictures from the movie and provided a "plot" synopsis.

Marilyn and Michael meet in idyllic Paris. They are attracted to each other. She persuades him to come live in an impersonator utopia. Marilyn is breathlessly ecstatic.
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Marilyn is married to Charlie Chaplin. They often walk around in yellow boots. Charlie sometimes resembles Adolf Hitler. Marilyn is melancholy.
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Marilyn and Charlie have a daughter: Shirley Temple. Marilyn is pretending everything is okay.
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At the impersonator farm, Abe Lincoln rides around on a tractor. Wearing yellow boots.
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Buckwheat washes the Pope because "the Pope smells." Where did the water come from? Buckwheat has a romantic attachment to a chicken. He's going to be the stepfather to her eggs.
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They have a dinner party to toast the sheep on the farm. All the sheep are sick and have to be shot by the Three Stooges. Marilyn is sad.
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Marilyn was once a nun (and Werner Herzog was the priest). She falls out of an airplane and lives. She convinces all the other nuns to jump out of the plane and do tricks to show God's miracle. They all die and end up floating in the ocean. She becomes Marilyn. Marilyn kills herself at the impersonator utopia.
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Michael rides away into the sunset on a tiny motorbike. Curious George follows. Now it's over.
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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Why French Stories End Incomprehensibly

It's in the genes!

I love how every story this kid's ever heard becomes a great epic. Also a French trait...


Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.