When i had a bf

# We will try our best to meet each other whenever we can
# We tries our best to make out, to sastify each other whenever we can
# We tries to pick/ accompany each other home whenever we can
# We go to the places we both enjoy always
# We hug and snuggle up to each other on rainy days
# We LoVe each other every day, every moment, every second
# We try our best to not let either of us feel insecure, or neglected

sigh i miss those times when i have a nice bf

i miss those times when i am being LoVed

i am tire of LoVing...

...

I am sad, i am crying

and i am listening to sad LoVe song throughout the night,

but do you know?

=(

Just as i thought i found the one, and i am seeing light at the end of the tunnel; i think soon, everything will be back to square one.

Have i not have fate with LoVe?

For once am feeling so defeated, and depressed (once again).

No doubt i never wanted to lose him in anyway, but i would rather see him be happy, rather than stress, in a lifestyle he is not ready for.

I guess this Christmas, and the coming Vday i will be alone again...no big deal i guess.


p.s. deep down my heart, i am drowning in my own sea of tears, i am fine when i told you, but as a matter of fact, i am not fine at all; am all torn apart; the pain, the sadness, and most importantly my unwillingness to let you go. But do i have a choice?.....till Christmas, as promised. Am really praying for the best, for if not, i really duno what will happen to me.....LoVe sick.

...

All i want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth :P

Than again what i really want is (in merit :P)

1) Him to spend more time with me.

2) Philips LivingColours, white with remote

3) A nice shoulder bag, Porter seems nice :P

4) iPhone 0.O

5) New sofa bed from ikea

6) Quilt and bed sheet sets from ikea 200cm by 200cm

7) World Peace =D

...

Pop-ups are manifesting my blog all out of a sudden -.- Pardon to those who find it a chore >_> i will try my best to clear it!

Anyway, here is a emo song i chance upon! I recall this song was first found on Eggy's blog :P

Anyway a dedication for all those sad emo people out there! Tml will be a better day alrite? Although like me, let the sadness carry on! We will bound to find true happiness one day.

Deary, LoVing you always :P doh we duno what will become of us and things seems really uncertain now. I know baby should be happy and not be bothered abt this rs, but i mean you are someone important to me no? And this jus shows how much i treasure how we work out...

Nonetheless good luck on ya ubin trip! *Hug*Hug*



...

On the happy side. I bought 2 really sexy slim cut casual pants (feels like jeans :P) from g2000 blu today! I <3 Really for teh yuppies ^^

I bought Avene thermal water (really godly, stopped me from getting SKII FTE at least!) and a whole tube of aloe vera gel! Say hellooooo to better skin soon^^

BUT i forgot to buy my Khiel's lip balm, and my lips jus cracked and bleed a little....their lip balm is really good and non greasy? and it has a sweet story behind it.

Sweet story....now, that really makes me more sad ~.` feel like going to rent a sad movie.

oh well

...

Sometimes i just have this feeling that...i am the last person that will come to his mind.

Doh, i always place him above everything.

This is LoVe i guess, silly.

I miss those days when my dates are so crazily over me; and i realise sometimes to LoVe is more painful than being LoVed...

Cried

...

Cry spells are never my companion since young. When i was still small, i was all confident, took pride in everything i do, voicing out my every point of view, and making sure my prescence always mattered.

I was a pure breed Leo, and a top management kind.

But as i grew up, this Leo seems to have lost his shine.

Cry spells are my companion now; also as insecurity and the feeling of lost and empty. Yes as i pen down this entry, tears flowed down my cheeks, as if children were ridding down the snowhills on sledge. Happy a picture it seems, deep down am torn crazily apart, as of the stakes which my limbs are tattered to, are suddenly pulled in 4 opposing directions by flame breathing hell horses.

Who can actually be by me, to see the beauty i hold? Who can actually comprehend that the tears i shed equates to that of an Angel's? Who can match, that whenever it rains, it is because i cried? Who can be the one whom i can draw strength from, giving me the security, and filling me up?

To who that is, he will find that treasure i have long set aside for that destined one. To who, this person shall be?

Till than, i lie in the pool of my tears, drowning, feeling the pain, but not dying, for i deserve to be tormented over and over again. Come take my soul, i wont even resist. Not even the slightest.

...

After so many failed rs, it somehow appeared to me that my LoVe Model was rather childhoodly, and fairy tale like. Those promises that couples make, the sweet words and holding of hands, the swinging of the locked pinkies, those smiles, those sweet kisses, those sweet nose rubbing.

Momentary and transient they are always there in a rs, but alas how many actually see through to a till-hair-grows-white-all-that-matters-in-my-World-is-you kind of rs? Whenever i sucked out (or we both sucked out; i mean a rs is always about 2 person no?) in a rs, i will feel down. But thereafter, i would look at my parents; for they really give me inspiration about monogamy, being together till we age, and my World has only you, kind of imagery.

However, it was somehow resonated to me that, perhaps a decade ago, all the above were still possible. Now, i would dare, dream on.

Looking at how my close friends have their rs, mine was really fairy tale, and childhood like in comparison. I mean who would be so concerned with sms-ing each other every morning, everytime it is meal time, everytime when one gets home, and simply, everytime when one misses the other so madly?

I do, it is all about symbolizing the wanting to live together, wanting to grow old together.


Sweet memories, will always be memories. Now that i see you all stressed up, and bothered, i know i no longer have the right. I have lost the right to be by you, i have lost the rights to take care of You (not that you cant take care of yourself, but i mean it is something i really wanna do), i have lost the rights to remain faithful, and monogamous for you.

Rights in a relationship; when one decides to cut his end, unknowingly, he cuts the end that does not belong to him; and also he never realise that that end he cut, was once so dear to him...


Tears, alot of tears have been shed. But remember all that i have msged/ tell you in person? All that matters is to see you happy, and that, be it if am the one making you happy, or if am physically there sharing your happiness; so long i can see you smiling from afar, i would be happy too.

Anyway, here a song for you, not sure if it is all correct, but the melancholy depicts me.



...

Lamby, i wonder if you ever drop by here and read.

Feeling kinda of uneasy right now, just like a beacon lost in the vast grey sea.
Oh well.
Lost.


Anyway, read some facts abt gay/ les teens are 6 times more likely to commit suicide as compared to straight teens. Teenager can really get lost when they are in the process of growing up, finding out who they are, and who they wanna be. What makes it worst for GLBT teens is that they have got no good role model to refer too.

Go google Mr Otto's Fong hoo-ha and his coming out as a gay adult; what can be worst, he is a top notch teacher at a prestigous school in SG. Jus a quick google, you will see all sort of crap thrown at him, he was even asked to shut down his blog.

GLBT or not, does it equate to that they cant contribute to your society and economy? If they are as useful as of a straight citizen, than why the discrimination? What abt equality? What abt justice? The pledge stanza?

Oh yea, GLBT are the minority, since the majority cant accept them, the country shant try to force it through getting the majority to accept it.

1) Well i am chinese, i have some slight dislike for the malays, indians, and the foreign people, and we chinese are the majority, so yea lets get rid of all the 'others' (this is jus a casual statement that is totally theory and of no pratical/ usable value, please do not charge me under ISA or anything else LOL, it is jus a lament of the system we have).

2) Aint we Sg-reans VERY scare of fines and laws? For those who are not tolerant enough to accept homosexuality, well, FINE them la! Or best send them to social reform camp!

3) After reading the first 2 point, do you find me irritating, and yea rather the GLBT should be rounded up and drowned? Well, if you feel so, this is exactly the stress and pressure you guys are putting us under ~.~>

GLBT teens are dying, this is happening, are you truly happy now?

No offence, but i recalled a non-acceptance of homosexuality explanation by a Christian friend. So having said that, it is ok that these GLBT teens jus die? Ironic.

=)

pin yer' comments, appreciation, my erks to you, request, anything goes!

In alphabetical order!

Kun Hua - Tsk tsk

Rich - Thine army senior

Ulrica - Thy best fren who-aint-a-math-exclaimation

Xiao Wu - The fun sized boy

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

November 2008

December 2008

i will place links of post (that are more unique)/ special features here periodically.
yes this is selective publishing =P and there is nothing you can do about it!

24062008
Here is part of my Bdae Wishlist! For the full list, please see in blog ^^
08062008
Here's my FE-10 test roll! Scroll over the pics to stop and see description =P