Our home inspection by the state licensing agency (Community Care Licensing or CCL) was to take place between 1 and 4 pm (yes, a window of time just like the cable guy!) on Friday.
At around 11:30am, while we were talking with HH, I got a call from a blocked number. Normally I don’t take blocked numbers anyway, but especially when I’m being sermonized about how valuable my social worker’s time is.
So I forwarded it to voicemail. When our time with HH drew to a close (for that day), I took the time to check the message.
It was CCL calling to say they were running late (at 11:30am!!) but that she’d be to our home within an hour. Which meant around 12:30, which meant about 7 minutes from the time I was listening to the message!!!
Needless to say I got worked up pretty quickly thinking she was going to show up to our home, not find anyone home, leave and then take us off her list.
So I rushed home (as much as Los Angeles traffic allows rushing)… And proceeded to sit and wait for almost an hour before she finally showed up (even officials from the state have direction impairments it seems).
She was very formal and professional but polite. We joked a little about the heat and other things but not in an overly friendly manner.
Her inspection took her through EVERY SINGLE drawer and storage space in our home. She would ask us to open the door/drawer and would proceed to ask, “What’s in there?” and “Is there any ______ in there?” (with ____ being sharp objects, alcohol, dangerous chemicals, etc. depending on the location).
Despite the seeming thoroughness with which she was scrutinizing our home, there were many things she overlooked or otherwise didn’t see. For example, she asked us to open the bottom drawer on the cake decorating end of the kitchen island (after having seen the three upper drawers which contained cookie cutters, etc. Nothing dangerous). This is what she saw:

And then she says, “Anything sharp in there?”
In my mind, I responded with, “Other than the metal grater, the slicing and grating disks for my food processor, the Zyliss cheese grater, and the hand blender, nope, nothing sharp whatsoever.”
But instead, I responded with this, “Nope.”
She checked her list and we moved on!
It was at this point (actually it was at the point when she asked if there were any cleaning products under the sink but then said she’d take my word for it instead of bending over to check) that I began to see things for what they really were: hoops and hurdles and checklists.
So when we came to my spice cabinet, and she asked what was in there, I said, “Mostly oils, vinegars and spices.”

In my thought bubble, “With the random half-full bottle of Two Buck Chuck, Myers Rum, Cointreau, and other miscellaneous liqueurs.” Check. Move on.
After a good hour of ignoring missing inspecting the rest of the house, we sat to do the report. She’d brought her own laptop and printer with her and spent a bit of time typing from her hand-written checklist. We get to the end, she flips around her fancy tablet computer, we all sign all three pages of her report and she prints it out.
I begin to read over it and it says we are petitioning to be licensed for 10-18 year olds… Slam on the brakes, SCREEECH. HOLD UP! I’d like to learn to love my kids before I hate them.
Apparently she’d copied and pasted from a different report and had forgotten to change the ages. And unfortunately since we’d signed it, she couldn’t go back and change it. So she had to retype it all!
This was one of the first days of this infernal heat wave, so it was warm in our house. We’d offered her water but she only wanted an unopened bottle (afraid of being drugged and taken advantage of by the gay guys I guess) of water and since we didn’t have any, she went without.
By the time she started typing up the second report she had water droplets dripping down her nose and forehead and complained about how dry her mouth and throat were, but still she refrained from drinking our opened (and possibly tainted (although we were drinking it too!)) water.
In the end, she had found eight items that we need to remedy before her return visit on September 20, including:
- getting car seats appropriate for a baby and child
- removing the bed from the upstairs room (apparently some people who get siblings will make the older child take care of the baby during the night!)
- license our dog (oops, complete oversight on my part! At least he’s had his shots!)
- make the water in our fountain inaccessible (water plants anyone?)
- put a lock on the wine cooler (The wine cooler which contains ONLY corked wine. Yet one never knows when one will adopt a child who has an Inspector Gadget-type corkscrew on their index finger I guess
- put a lock on the entry closet where we keep the spare cleaning supplies
- remove the boards from behind the garage that have nails in them (I still can’t believe we missed this!)
- purchase a locking box for refrigerated medications
Overall it wasn’t so bad. Nothing that will take too long or cost too much. And it gets us one step closer to being done with the hoops and hurdles and checklists and on our way to being a family.