Gods Plan Not Mine

I kiss this face a thousand times a day!

My little model

This one just looked so darn silly I had to add it...LOL!

It's been ages since I posted last!!  Things here are going well and Addy is getting big so fast!!  She is still the most wonderful baby ever.  She is starting to coo and picks up her own head and look at everything.  She is interested in everything (definitely her daddy's girl). 

The only real issue we have had outside of normal baby stuff is a milk protein allergy.  At about 2.5 weeks Addy started to have really bad bloody poops.  She went from being the most docile happy baby to a screaming lunatic.  I took her (& the diaper) to the Ped and they tested it and confirmed the allergy.  I, having no idea that milk protein was in EVERYTHING didn't think it would be such a big deal.  Yeah well....I WAS WRONG!  Originally I was avoiding the obvious dairy stuff, thinking that was it.  But then her poops turned green and mucousy and she was still in so much pain and sad.  Finally I realized that milk protein is in more than just your basic dairy products, such as most breads, gravy, potato chips, sports drinks and even some vitamins and medications.  I have been trying so hard to avoid it but it is just so difficult.  Every time I slip up I make my baby sick and that is really difficult to deal with.

This allergy has been such a huge challenge for me.  I am very adamant about breastfeeding her and outside of this issue, things have really been going extremely well in that area (& I know what a blessing that is).  Besides, my alternative would be to feed her ridiculously expensive prescription formula.  It does not help that I am such a picky eater to begin with & breastfeeding makes you so darn hungry.  There are times that I just can't find something to snack on and I just break down and cry.  I am definitely not eating enough and dropping weight as a result.  I know that if I am not healthy, my milk will not be healthy, but I'm not sure what else to do.  She is so sad when I mess up and I hate that I am responsible for doing that to her.  I keep a food diary but am not even sure how to determine what is making her sick.  I walk around with a little wallet card that gives all the ingredients that can be milk protein & yet still mess up.  I can't eat out ever and even went to my BFF's engagement party and had to watch everyone else eat.  Babies with this allergy often also have a reaction to soy protein and I think this may also be the case. 

I am getting so overwhelmed that I just don't know what to do.  Have any of you ladies had this issue or know anyone who has?  Should I go to an allergist or maybe a certified lactation consultant.  I need help because no matter how hard I try I keep making her sick and it's breaking my heart. 

Today I was going through my drawers/closet pulling out maternity clothes to put away (I can finally fit back in my normal clothes!!) and it brought so many emotions back to me.  As I went through my clothes, I remembered every thing that got me to where I am now.  I thought about when I learned I was pregnant for the 3rd time.  Although I was excited, the fear drowned out any joy.  I was so scared that just believing it was hard enough, nonetheless getting myself to buy maternity clothes.  I have such a small frame, so by 8 weeks hiding it was becoming so difficult!  At 10 weeks, I finally had to force myself to go get a maternity shirt, to at the very least, hide the rubber band that was holding my jeans shut.  As I folded that shirt to store in the attic, I thought back to how nervous I was.  Believing that if I just walked into Motherhood Maternity I would be jinxing my pregnancy.  All the sweaters reminded me of how I was pregnant in the winter time and praying constantly that the baby I was carrying would finally be the one we got to hold in our arms.  As winter clothes became spring clothes and sizes got bigger, I remembered thinking about how happy I was to display my now obvious belly.  Each piece of clothing seemed to hold some memory for me as I took the journey that would eventually give me my miracle.  I remember the fear, the anticipation, the eventual joy and every other emotion (there were MANY) that I felt while carrying my baby girl.  It's amazing how fast all those memories can flood back into your head and by something so simple as the decision to store your maternity clothes.  I sit here now with my little Addy sleeping in her pack and play and can hardly believe she is finally here.  Never would I have imagined that when I climbed in to bed and whispered to my hubby that we were pregnant again with such trepidation, that it would end up bringing me the most happiness I've ever had.  All that pain and sorrow was not easy, but it was God's plan and for that reason alone it was the right plan.

I pray every day for you ladies who are still on this journey and I do not mean to offend anyone who is still struggling.  Rather I intend to give you hope.  Hope that although this struggle is the hardest thing many of us will ever go through, that one day you will each have the little miracles you all deserve. 

My precious little Adelyn is going to be a month old tomorrow!  I can't believe it!  Where has the time gone??  This month has been the most wonderful month of my life!  Addy continues to be the worlds most wonderful baby girl, and I fall in love with her more every day.  She is starting to get more alert and today I heard her coo for the first time!  She is also starting to look at me as if she recognizes me and my heart just melts.  Each day I can't wait to see what new behavior she has to offer.  She has such silly faces too.  Of course as great as it has been, we've had our issues.

At about 10 days old she was getting fussy but everyone kept telling me that after the first week or two that's how they get.  Then I went to change her diaper & there was blood in her stool.  It was actually pretty bad and I had to bring a sample to the pediatrician.  This was when they told me (thee world's pickiest eater) that it was a dairy protein allergy and if I was to continue breastfeeding I would have to cut it out of my diet!  Little did I know dairy protein is in EVERYTHING!!  It has taken me a bit, but I am getting a hang of it and Addy is doing so much better.  She sleeps like such a champ!  During the first 2 weeks I was having to wake her up 2 times to feed her.  After we learned that she had gained 15oz in 1 week, the ped said I can go down to one feeding during the night.  At her last appt she was up to 9lbs and now I don't even wake her to feed her.  She doesn't sleep through every night, but when she does boy to I appreciate it!!!

I ended up dealing with another breastfeeding issue when I woke up in the middle of the night crying in pain.  I had a clogged milk duct and no clue what the heck was going on!  I suffered through the night, then called my Bradley instructor (who has become a friend) and she told me how to treat it.  After continuous cycles of feeding on it (OUCH!), pumping, heat compress and massages, it got much better.  Sadly it keeps re-occurring.  I spoke to the women at my local LLL and they gave me some pointers to try and deter it from happening, but also said that some women are just prone to it (Oy!).  Even with all of this I am doing my best to continue breastfeeding.  And on the bright side it is the only real issue that I am dealing with. 

I tried attaching some pictures but for some reason it won't let me.  Will try and put some up when it's working.