Gods Plan Not Mine

So today was our wonderful weekly sono & our little sprout seems to be doing great!!!  As usual I go in all doom & gloom but am thrilled to say I keep getting to come out all sunshine & smiles.  God is good.  Our precious babe is measuring exactly to date (my more sensical date) of 7+2 weeks plus we got to measure the heart rate which was 132 & even got to hear it!!!  Needless to say I forgot what a beautiful sound that was.  Even though we carried Poppy to 10 wks we never got to hear her heart beat.  I am so hopeful that we get to keep this baby.  Yet I can't seem to wrap my mind around it.  I definitely have tons of symptoms still, the biggest of which is nausea & complete exhaustion.  Neither of which mix well with a very whiney testing boundary 21 month old. 

The Dr. did see a VERY small bleed.  Hubby & I even question it.  But the good news about that is she told me to stop the lovenox injections!!  Woot woot.  That is something I will not argue.  I also get to stop the estrace!  No more blue discharge for this girl...lol!!!  So just back to prenatals, folbic & baby aspirin now!!  Can't even begin to tell you how happy that makes me.

The tornado of a stomach bug seems to finally have decided to spare us although Addy still isn't pooping great.  And believe it or not my dog is now barfing.  How did this happen you wonder.  Well he ate Addy's barf naturally.  Ewwwww gross.  So apparently when a dog does such a gross disgusting thing like that, they can get the virus from a human.  Seriously?

So on that note....lol.....I'll leave you with a pic of our little one.  Finally one clear enough to post.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to update sooner but poor Adelyn & I are dealing with a terrible stomach bug.  Sadly, my mom came to visit & all our grand plans have been flushed down the toilet (literally) as she takes care of us.  Now she is not feeling well either.  Ugh.  Thankfully Addy didn't start throwing up until after our sono on Mon morn.  Actually it was all over herself in the car on the way home from the airport. 

Anyway we got to see our little sprout & everything went great!!  As usual I was a hot friggin' mess the entire night before & that morning.  But we saw the sac right away & even saw the heartbeat.  Hubby & I have deduced that their machines suck in comparison to our old RE's.  The baby was measuring 6wks exactly & depending on who you ask I should be 6wks 2days so that measurement is fine by me.  Especially if you take in to acct their crappy machine.  I'd put a pic up but it seems pointless as it is so fuzzy.  Like I said we did see a heartbeat but the Dr. said they couldn't record the rate yet.  So annoying.  But we go back on Mon & I'm praying things are much clearer by then & that we can get a heart rate. 

After seeing the heartbeat I did tell my mom when she got in to town & my sis knows too now.  So basically my whole family.  It's nice that they know & I can talk about it.  I am so darn hopeful this time around.  Even though this vomitting is making me nervous.  Please keep praying this little babe continues to grow & I can hold down some food soon. 

Well we went in for our first scan yesterday & I guess things are ok.  I say I guess because although there was a gestational sac measuring 5wks 1day, there was no yoke sac.  With Adelyn there was a gorgeous obvious yolk sac for our first scan.  I know it's still early, & this is common, but I just hate the doubt that it allows to creep in.  I'm also so darn confused about how far along I am.  By my LMP I would be 5wks 1day which is what I measured.  But going by my LMP seems silly as I know the day I got my IUI.  If I go by that date I would be 5wks 3days.  My RE's office is going by my LMP which I find annoying.  I know it's not a huge difference but if I am 5wks 3days it makes me even more nervous that I didn't see a yolk sac (I was 5wks 4days w/Addy).  The other thing is that she didn't even zoom in!  I feel like she could've but don't know why I didn't say anything.  Oy.  I am also waiting on bloodwork they took at the appt that I still haven't gotten the results back for.  Hopefully those are at least beyond good to help calm my very frazzled nerves.  I go back on Mon for another sono.  Unfortunately their earliest appts start @ 10am & my mom lands @ 10:15am so she will have to come with me to the appt. @ 11am.  Which is not cool cuz she doesn't even know yet & I just wanted to make sure all was going as it should before I told her.  Please pray she is there for good news & that we even get to see a little heart beating.

Outside of all of this I am still having many symptoms.  I am nauseous, my boobs hurt, exhausted & so very backed up.  I did speak w/the Dr's office & have informed them that I will not be taking the HCG shots.  Thankfully they didn't give me a hard time.  Thank you so much for your advice on the subject.  I am still taking estrogen which they continue til 8 wks, but we made a deal that I can stop once we see a heartbeat.  After that it's only the lovenox, folbic & my prenatals.  Oh how nice that will be. 

As for my precious little Addy, we are still struggling with the hair thing but it has gotten a bit better.  We went in & got her iron levels tested to see if that was why she was eating it & I'm still waiting for the results. In the meantime we are just working really hard on distracting her & helping her to sleep if she is struggling with relaxing.  Please continue to pray that she stops pulling. 

So it has been a pretty hectic in our lovely little household this week!  First of all I'm not sure I ever even posted about it & am too lazy to look but back in Sept when we moved upstate Addy started pulling her hair.  She mainly did it in her carseat & crib.  She pulled so much she ended up pretty bald in the front.  For some reason she won't touch the back.  I was really uncomfortable with it so I found a Dr & she ended up having the states great Early Intervention people come.  They said she did have some sensory integration stuff but extremely minimal.  She did not have any developmental delays though so she did not qualify.  They did however suggest we make an appt w/the local developmental/behavioral center.  In the meantime they gave us ideas on how to deter her from pulling & increase her sensory stimulation.  We did this & after a while she stopped & her hair grew back lovely.  Because the center is so well known there was a 6 month wait for our appt.  It had been 4 months since she pulled so I thought why waste everyone's time & canceled.  Well wouldn't you know 3 days before the appt was supposed to be she started pulling & really bad!  She first started pulling when we moved here & this time after we left her for 5 day on our trip.  So it seems as though it is stress induced.  Well I woke up in the middle of the night to pee & checked the monitor to see my daughter pulling out her hair at 3am not making a peep.  It took me 1.5 hrs to help her back to sleep & about an hr of tears on my end over the whole ordeal. 

I called our ped today & she called the center to see if there is something we can do in the meantime.  We are trying what worked last time but it's not having the same effect.  They gave lame ideas like putting on a hat (cuz yeah she won't just take that off!) & suggested to check her iron levels as it may be a reason.  Oh yeah forgot to mention she's eating the hair!  I'm not hopeful it's such a easy fix & am beyond myself on what to do.  Our new appt with the center is not until Sept!!!  Thinking of finding a behavioral pediatrician in the meantime because how can I just let this go???  I'm having such severe mommy guilt for canceling the stupid appt in the first place!!!

The other issue I've been having is w/our RE.  I was not a fan of the first place I was going as they treated us so poorly.  So we switched & boy am I not sure if that was the right idea.  As you may remember they had a pretty extensive recurrent miscarriage protocol.  At first they seemed to be pretty open to the patients desires.  I chose not to take the intralipid & had to fight not to take the progesterone. So on top of the clomid & trigger, I am doing the lovenox injections & estrogen (my lining was thin).  Once I got pregnant they ordered HCG injections for me to do every 3 days for the first 10 weeks.  I took the first one Mon night after my second blood drawer.  Hubby asked me what it was for & I realized I didn't really know so hopped online to check.  What I have learned has not made me happy.  I did find out that it is supposed to help w/progesterone & estrogen until the placenta takes over.  So I thought well do I really need that?  I'm taking estrogen & I've already proved I don't need progesterone.  Well then I find a thread on my fertility's website message board about the exact topic.  One of the women are upset that when she went to pick up the meds after taking a shot in the office, the pharmacist seemed shocked that she was taking it while pregnant!  He explained to her that it is considered a Category X drug by the FDA & CDC.  This means it has been proven to cause birth defects in humans!  I thought ok I have been around the block w/Dr Google so I pulled out the drug info that came w/the prescription & it says the same thing!!!  Specifically says not to take while pregnant due to risk of birth defect.  The woman on the thread asks the Dr why he didn't inform her & he just states that it is the patients decision to determine if the benefit outweighs the risk!  But how can they make that decision if they are not informed in the first place!!!???  Now don't get me wrong, I know that for some people the benefit does outweigh the risk & I can completely respect that.  If I end up suffering 5 mc or more I would consider it worth the risk ya know.  But at the current moment & w/a successful pregnancy between my losses, I don't feel it does.  So as you can imagine I will not continue to take it but now I need to call & inform them & make sure it is ok to stop once I started.  I hate how they play on your fears & don't just respect your decision but make you feel bad so I've been avoiding it.  Supposed to take next dose tomorrow night so can't really avoid it much longer. 



Sorry for the novel but I just had to get it all out & writing has always helped.  Please keep us in your prayers.

So I went this morning for my 2nd blood draw & after being on pins & needles & nauseous ever since, they finally called with the results.  My HCG levels went from 112 to 439 & my progesterone from 58-61.9!  So they doubled every 36.5 hrs!  I keep having to remind myself that just because the numbers aren't as high as with Addy, that they are doing what they are supposed to.  And holy cow on the progesterone!  Those numbers are much higher than Addy.  Just goes to show every pregnancy is different.  I wanted to do a 3rd draw, like I did with Addy, but will start taking the HCG shots every three days starting tonight.  So it seemed silly to do a draw that wouldn't be 100% accurate.  Instead, I have an appt for a week from today for our first sono & another draw.  God it's going to be a long week.  The kind of cool thing is I found out on a Fri (also 14dpiui) I was pregnant w/Addy so everything is being done at the exact same time frame as it was with her.  So our first sono will be 5wks 3days.  With her I only saw a yolk sac so I know what to expect & that is nice. 

Outside of making myself sick with worry all day, I am doing well.  Still struggle with some crazy nausea but mainly at night.  Seems to hit me exactly at 7pm.  But I'm loving it..lol.  We have decided not to tell anyone about this pregnancy also.  We have told my BFF's (who helped me w/Addy) & our Pastor back home.  This way we have some prayer warriors.  I don't think we will keep if from our family (or at least mine) for the whole first tri like we did with Addy.  If all goes well at our 2nd sono, my mom flies in that afternoon & it would be great to tell her in person.  We would hopefully see the heartbeat for the first time that day.  May wait after that until about 10wks to tell the rest of the family.  God I hope we make it that far! Today I've reached one milestone of many to come & I'm clinging to that.