Heaviness in my heart.

I have a deep heaviness in my heart.  My friend and fellow adoptive mama Jenny died Sunday tragically leaving behind 15 kids (birth kids, and kids adopted from the US, Liberia, and Uganda).  She was such a spirit of peace and hope for me, like a real life hero.  I regretfully put her on a pedastal when I am sure that is not what she would have wanted.  She was real mom with lots going on but always a moment to encourage someone else.

The first time I met her we were both in the waiting room at the U of I with our children.  I was coming out and they were waiting for their appointment.  Her beautiful girls had heads full of micro braids and she had her jet black hair up in a bright headband (her signature!).  I was just coming out of a devastating appointment with the feeding team in which they told me my son would no longer be able to eat orally for several months.  I came out holding him, fumbling for my money and my parking stub that needed validated and I am sure I looked like a mess.  Jenny floated over with outstretched arms-- "Can I hold him for you?"  I had never let non-family hold him yet, though at that moment she was my angel.  She took him and sat him down with her girls and they oohed and ahhed at him until I got my stuff together.  She gave me her name and number and I connected with her on facebook and her email updates from that day on.  Just as recently as March of this year, Dan and I and the girls sat down in the mall food court with about 9 of her kids and had coffee and ice cream and shared with her our prayer requests about Dani and she prayed with us right there. 

She was always a light in the darkness and a smile with the brightest boldest earrings she could find.

I will miss you dear sister.  I know you are in heaven with Jesus and your precious daughter Ariana.  That makes this better.  I love you dear Groothuis family.  Please pray for her brave children ranging in age from 18 to 4 and for her husband and soulmate, Brad.

Donations to her memorial fund can be directed to
jennygroothuis.com

We're back on!

It's been a long hiatus for my blogging.  The transition to the new house was great but boy did our patterns and rhythms get turned upside down.  We are settled in, we love the new place (still) and we're ready to share some exciting news.

We're adopting again!

This time, he is a teenager and he is visually impaired.  His name is Dani and we are thrilled.  We are of course nervous too, but we're sure that we would be no matter what or who, that is just part of adding to your family.  And I remember feeling it with all three of our current kids.

This adoption sort of is happening a different way since we've already identified a child (he was a waiting child on a special needs adoption listing) so we are sort of doing this different from last time.  We're home study approved and now we're working on PAIR processing and I-600a.  So this is the waiting part.  If all goes as planned (ha!) we might even have him home in the fall.

This past weekend we went to a mini-waterpark-in-a-hotel sort of thing in Owatonna, MN and a complete stranger struck up a conversation with us about adoption.  We shared about Dani and the next time we saw her in the hotel she gave us a $200 donation towards our fund!  I was blown away!

We have had TWO Noonday "ambassadors" offer to host fundraising parties for us, and a good friend and fellow adoptive mom is hosting a boutique sale for us in her home!  I'm just speechless.  The generosity is just amazing.

This pic was drawn by Elly a while back, but I think it signifies how we all feel right now!  God is good!

Life in the New Casa!

We moved into our new house on July 9th and it has been awesome!  We have about the same amount of space on our main level as we did in our whole house before, plus a finished basement!  It feel so nice.  The highlights for me:  DECK (I'm sitting here typing from it now!), GARAGE (I've never had a garage to pull a car in in my life and neither has Dan!), and the MAIN FLOOR LAUNDRY.  A.maz.ing.  It feels so good!  Really, we were so blessed and shocked by this process.  The house was built in 7 weeks, from digging to close.  Crazy.

I really love the neighborhood.  Almost everyone is a family in a similar age range (elementary aged kids) though our across-the-street neighbors are lovely mid-to-late 40s with no children.  They have been very kind and seem to enjoy our kids.  Their dog found its way into our house the other night through an open screen door and then chased our cat all around the yard for a few minutes, it was a little excitement for the street!

The kids are adjusting well.  Eden, of course, flawless transition.  Elly, a few tears.  Esias did not like his bed AT ALL for the first three or four nights but now sleep just as well as he did in the old house (i.e. we lay with him in his bed til he's out, then he comes in around 4am and sleeps with us!) so we are thankful.

Dan is a busy, busy man trying to keep sod alive.  The city code makes the builder lay sod on new construction so even though the weather is wicked hot and not conducive to growing anything, we had to do it and so far, so good.  Our water bill is going to be insane, but we gotta do what we gotta do.  We water a lot!  And our yard is not small, so we're using some water!  We're bracing ourselves for when that bill shows up.

The other excitement around her is that my sister and her family are moving in in a week!  They will be living in our basement, there are two bedrooms down there and a bathroom, as well as a living area, so they will have their own space.  We are taking them in while their house gets built, which hopefully will be done in October.  I am so glad we can use our blessing of a house to be able to help others out because we were helped by so many during this building process.

Sorry no pictures so far, they are all on my phone.  The house is still full of clutter and boxes as I figure out where to put everything, anyway!

House Pics so far

So far this process has gone really fast and everyone working on it for us has been extremely helpful and great to work with!  We go to the lot almost every evening to check the progress and our new neighbors are so friendly and welcoming already.  I will always miss my current neighbors but it feels good to know there are friendly faces waiting for us.  I will try to post the pics of the house in order so you can see the progress.

We are really truly humbled by this amazing blessing!  May God use it for His glory.

Digging the foundation!  Esias was excited to see the digger.

Close up of the digger from the van window.

Foundation poured.

House beginning to take shape.

Trusses being lifted up.

Roof is on.

The siding is on the back and the roof is done!

We have a house!!!!! I'm slightly excited.

Dining Room- the big space is for the sliding door

The front of the house- the part that is Tyvek'd is the kids' rooms

Girls posing in their future room

This is looking from the kitchen to the foyer on the left and the hall to the bedrooms

Living Room with a large window

 

Esias standing in his new room!

Happy Mother's Day!

I don't have a really super heartfelt post (mostly because my brain is not working at 100% yet, following a really silly fall and an even sillier trip to the ER resulting in the most silly of concussions!) Anywhoo...I did want to say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to my mom, Diane.

Dan asked me today to share with the kids what lesson I will take from my mom.  I thought for a long time, I think the two things I most appreciate about her was her fierce loyalty and protection over her family, and her completely amazing ability to work hard to accomplish something!  If she wants to do it, watch out, it's getting done!  I love you mom!

The kids made me handmade cards and gifts (my fave) and took me out to breakfast.  Then we walked around a big Garden Center and looked at the plants.  We came to an area with those garden stones you can buy to remember a loved one who is deceased.  Elly said, "Oh this is the place they put the plants that die."

Old Neighbors.

We have lived in this house for 10 years.  When we moved in, I was about 5 months pregnant with Eden.  We didn't pick out her name right away and we didn't share it with anyone until after she was born.  I was trying to have that "moment" with her and we certainly had it. 

My parents were staying at our house while I was in labor and after delivery.  My mom was outside working on our poor neglected yard (we were first time home owners!) and struck up a conversation with Ray, the old man who lived next door.  I had had the baby by then and Ray asked what I had had.  My mom said, "They named her Eden," and Ray said, "Well I'll be damned!  That's my name!"  We had known our neighbors as Ray and Betty, not Ray and Betty Eden.  From that day on, they were sweet on that baby girl.  Ray was in his mid 80s, hard of hearing, and had 3 inch thick glasses.  He was a perfectionist in every way and pruned his yard like it was going to be judged.  He and Eden became fast friends as soon as she could walk.  She would go between our yards and chatter to him for long spans of time, he couldn't understand a word, but I think he liked the company.  Their friendship softened the tension that inevitably creeps in when one neighbor is an immaculate lawn-keeper and the other, not so much.

Ray died in 2008 after a heart attack.  It was his third.  A few months before that he had fallen out of a tree he was trimming and after that he was weak.  He was in great physical shape but his heart was weak.  Eden was very sad that her friend was gone.

We began to call on Betty more often.  She tends to be more of a homebody and wasn't outside as much as her late husband.  We were determined to continue in our relationship with her, even if she didn't always want us to.  She is a bit of a pessimist, to put it lightly!  She rarely asks for help or says a kind word.  She is tough, she is strong, she's seen all but one of her siblings pass away before her and she basically raised most of them.  After Ray died, I tried to go over once a week for a while and bring her food or treats or groceries when she'd let me.  During this time, we became friends.  As odd as that sounds, since she is an 88 year old woman who is, well, cranky, and I am 33 with three small kids, and well, cranky sometimes too.  I guess it's not that weird!  Ha!  These days, she and I talk on the phone from time to time and we like to share the same stories over and over.  Well, mostly she does.  I don't mind though, I enjoy her perspective.  I try to pepper in my optimism whenever I can, but mostly I just let her tell me stories (and occasionally educate me in parenting).  It has to be so lonely to live alone at that age.  Betty's getting older and it is getting harder and harder to visit with the kids because she is more nervous when the kids are there.  I keep going when I can, she needs the company more than she needs to be alone.

I'm not sure why I posted this exactly, except that I'm processing this move regarding her.  In some ways I feel guilty for moving and leaving her here.  She has two children who visit, one who lives nearby and take care of the house and yard, and a daughter who visits from Des Moines once a month or so.  She will most likely be moving out of this house and into another sort of home, one with more help, in the near future.  I'm not sure she really wants to though. I feel badly because she sort of acts tough, hiding her sadness that we're no longer going to be neighbors, by making every negative statement she make regarding our build.  You put the house on the market too early, I hope the new buyer doesn't neglect the trees, oh, he's young? there goes the neighborhood.  Those kinds of remarks.  But I know her well enough now to ignore them and look deeper.  I hope she knows that she's not just a neighbor to me.  She's my friend, whether she likes it or not.

Casa Nueva

So, I posted her a while ago that we would be selling our house.  Well it sold in about two and a half weeks after about 17 showings which was insane but great.  Did I also mention Dan was out of town and it was Spring break so the kids were all home??  Anywhoo!  It sold.  That's all that matters! 

We close July 6th and we just signed the papers for our new house which we are building!  That is so exciting to me, though also very nerve-wracking!  We wanted to live in a specific neighborhood for the school, park, etc. and this lot was just the perfect spot!  The company that owns the land is run by a man who went on a mission trip to Mexico with Dan back in '05.  The trick is that we'll be out of THIS house before we're in THAT house...so we will be crashing on friend's couches for a month or so!  Woohoo!  Should be an adventurous summer.  We are so thrilled though, this house will be great for us, more space, more yard, a garage, main floor laundry, and the most exciting thing ever--master bathroom!!  The fun is just beginning because we get to pick out all sorts of things.  Right now I'm debating on siding colors.  Dan says thats funny because that's the last thing they put on.

I get overcome with thankfulness over this blessing-- and it surely is a blessing.  And we pray that God will use us and the house for his glory and that we wouldn't take it for granted or strive for more "stuff" but that we would strive to know Him more and more every day!

Oh, Elly.

The other night Dan took Eden to softball practice and I put a very tired Esias to bed around 6:30.  So Elly and I had some rare one-on-one time together.  This was something she said:

"When a cow 'moos,' what does that mean?"
I answered, "It's just a cow's way of talking."
Elly: "So, it's like their own language?"
Me: "Yeah."
Elly: "So like, it's how it talks to other cows?"
Me: "Yeah, I guess.  It's just how it talks."
Elly: "So what about a cow standing alone in a field saying 'moo?'  Oh, yeah, it's probably saying, 'Help!'"

Race.

Apparently, I posted this title with no post!  Sorry about that.

I tend to not want to talk about things that are controversial because I like to blend into the wallpaper when I know my opinion or my thoughts might not be popular.  But I am the mother of a black son.  And after Trayvon Martin was killed, I learned some things that I did not know.  As a white person, I had never thought of these things.  But now I have the privilege of raising a sweet little black boy into a fine black man.  And there are things that this mom will have to tell my black son that I would not have to tell a white son.  Like, "When you're pulled over, son, don't talk back.  Don't act angry or annoyed.  Don't reach for anything.  Keep your hands where they can be seen.  Ask to be questioned in public or with another officer there, hopefully there will be a black officer there too.  This is nothing that you have done wrong, son, it's just because you are black."  In black families, this is sometimes called "the talk."  I'm not saying that all police officers are bad or corrupt or racist.  I am just stating that things can escalate out of control and lots of assumptions are made based on race--assumptions that lead to an unnecessary night in jail at best...or a funeral at worst.  Remember when Henry Louis Gates (the PBS host and Harvard professor) had locked himself out of his fancy-schmancy Boston home?  He tried breaking in the front window, his neighbor called the police and he was arrested.  Despite the fact that that was his home.  It's these things.  These things that I will need to talk to my son about.  Probably the first time he comes home after being called a name that rips my heart open.  Or when he's getting his driver's license.  Or when he wants to take a late night jog through our mostly white suburban neighborhood.  Things I never faced, things Dan never faced.

I have not lost hope though.  The fact that families like ours can exist means there has been progress.  But for some, progress has not been enough.

Changes around here

Well, after ten years of pulling into this driveway, bringing two newborns home from the hospital and one one-year-old home from another continent (still can't believe we did that), we are finally moving out of our "starter" home.  It is with mixed emotions.  The house sold in under three weeks which is a huge blessing.  We bought this home in 2002 when I was just starting to show with Eden.  We were so blessed by this place!  We had NO money, I had no job, and we had no idea what we were going to do and had almost given up on buying because everything in our price range had rats living in it.  And then we were out driving after church one day and saw this house with a For Sale by Owner sign.  We took one look at it and knew!  We have remodeled nearly everything inside it to some degree or another.   It's not perfect but it's been a blessing for sure.   It's been a good good house for our family.  I'm going to miss our big front windows and the two giant shade trees in the front.  It makes me sad just writing that!

We are progressing with a plan to build a house in our town just down the road a ways.  We will still be able to attend the same elementary school.  The house will be bigger and have a garage and some other amenities that will be very nice to have.  The lot is across the street from a large park which is also a perk.  We've loved this neighborhood we're in and I hope the next one is half as fun! 

I'm sure there will be more nostalgic posts as the time draws near.  We close in July. 

Poison Ivy

Oh my word!  Eden gets poison ivy so much!  This is already her second time this fall/winter and we haven't even been outside really!  She is so so allergic.  A few years ago we tried rhus tox and it helped.  It is a homeopathic way to build up your immunities.  It did seem to help.  That bad part about it is that you have to remember to start it before the poison ivy plants come up in the spring and take it for months.  You hold it under your tongue and then swallow it.   So all that to say, that was the mysterious rash.  It looked different than her other bouts with PI because it didn't show up in a "line" it was more patchy.  The dr. thought she probably got the oil on her hands and then touched her face, thus making the patchiness.  So, steroid fever over here!  We'll see how much the girl talks and eats during this two week run of Orapred!

Elly's Eyes

Elly's doctor appointment was pretty good news-- the doc said her neurological exam showed nothing to be concerned about.  She does has a small "beat" in her eyes when he shone the light in there.  He said that was not that uncommon.  He didn't say we had to go to the opthamalogist right away but I told him I'd rather be safe especially since he didn't see the nystagmus that she usually reports to me, the kind that is an acute incident- not the "beat" he saw.  So we will go see the specialist on the 14th.  I love the pediatrics clinic we go to, because the nurse set up the appointment with the optham. and said to me, "It's February 14th-- her Valentine's Day party is in the afternoon right?  So I set it for first thing in the morning!"  I love it.  They are really really good there!  They also tested her vision and she was 20/40 so she's probably on the path of her parents...we both need glasses or contacts or we can't function.  No need for them for Elly yet, however.

Eden has also had her own mysterious ailments recently, nothing major, but it does make me scratch my head!  Every month or so, she breaks out in little hives, usually on her chest, legs, or face.  The hives are itchy.  She IS super-sensitive to poison ivy, and we know when she gets that it is terrible.  But something about this isn't the same-- and plus the fact that she hasn't been outside in an area we would consider at risk.  So I took pics of it today because usually by the time we get in to the doctor the rash is not as bad as it usually is.  Oh, children!  Though it is not lost on me that these are small small issues and nothing to be worried or upset about!  I am super thankful for the health of my children!

It's so hard to sit still!

Is anyone still reading this?  I am definitely losing steam on this blog, but I will keep it open just because it is such a good way to keep track of things and I hope someday the kids will enjoy reading it.

We were able to go back to the CDD for Esias' psychology and OT appointments.  The psychologist thought that his mental abilities were fine.  We were pretty sure that was the case but it is good to hear from the professionals.  He did very well in anything visual-- puzzles, etc. and struggled more with the language expression/comprehension (which of course we were already aware of !).  SO that is all good news.  We are going to pursue some more speech therapy for him.

In other health news, Elly has been having nystagmus in her eyes for the last 6 months or so, and I finally decided I better just have it looked at.  So she's being seen today at the pediatrician.  I have nystagmus in my eyes with my vertigo, and general visual disturbance, but i am trying not to let myself jump to conclusions about her neurological health and just assume this is a normal benign type of it!  We will hear today what the Dr. wants to do.

Eden is great- growing so fast.  She is quite a young lady these days.  This week she brought home 4 papers that were all 100%.  She isn't a perfectionist and doesn't have to get 100% on everything (which is fine by me, as long as she knows what she's doing in the subject) but I was really proud of her because sometimes she rushes through work.  This really made me proud that she was taking her time and learning to look back over her work!  Elly is struggling to keep up with all the cutting, coloring, and writing that is kindergarten...not that she can't do it, in fact she does really well!  But she can't sit still long enough without getting up to belt out a tune, act out a skit, or make up some elaborate story...she colors with so many details that many days she brings home unfinished work from school.  I love my kids dearly, but sometimes I think my children are so creative that they have trouble working within the confines of normal school routines!  Ha!  I wonder how that happened...
 

CDD

Today I took Esias to the Center for Disabilities and Development to get a better assessment of his speech and oral delays.  After getting mixed reviews from some parents, I was a bit nervous.  The staff completely changed my mind, they were all great!  Esias started out being seen by the nurse for vitals, then she printed off every set of vitals he'd ever had at the Univ. Hosp. and gave them to me to take home.  Which might not seem like much, but to me, it was amazing to see how far he's come in 2.5 years!  Very fun to have that on paper.  Next a doctor called a "developmental pediatrician" came in and gave him the most complete examination I have ever seen.  She checked every inch of him and noted even small things like toes that overlap, size, shape and color of birthmarks, etc.  She was looking at anything that could point to a genetic issue.  She noticed a heart murmur that had never been diagnosed.  She spent a long time talking to me about his history and why we were there.  It was so refreshing to not feel rushed, to feel listened to, and to be heard!  Then after a bit we went to see a social worker who also listened and took thorough notes about him and his story.  After that, we saw speech pathology.  She was great!  She said that we are not getting him enough therapy through the school and diagnosed him with a couple different disorders (phonological and another one I can't remember).  She said she wanted to try really hard to make a case for our insurance to cover his therapy since his delay is so great.  Then we saw an audiologist and found out that his hearing is great.  We had never been able to get a hearing test and since he did not have a newborn hearing screening, we thought we'd better rule it out. 

Esias did great, considering I pulled him out of bed early to get him in by 7:45am and he did not to leave his beloved daddy!  The appointments lasted until noon and he was wiped when we got home.  But he did so well!  Once he realized there were no pokes, he was very pleased!