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Rest, Rose. Rest.
I discovered Rose has been living at I’s all this time. I think she never left. It’s been 5 years since I moved out and while I’ve done a lot of reconnecting healing work with other parts, Rose has stayed barely reachable. She was willing to show me how to cook again and occasionally shows…
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Visualization With an Alter Who Shows Me the Way
After the events in my previous post about being in crisis with my DID system, I went to my therapist and broke down sobbing as I told them about the previous week and feeling like the way I’m interacting with my system is no longer helpful. I told them I was at a loss about…
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System Crisis a Call for Changes in My Healing Journey
Healing complex PTSD is, well, complex. As complex as the effects of the trauma, maybe more because it’s so difficult to find ways to pull apart the damage and reveal the next steps in the process. For me having Dissociative Identity Disorder and 13 known alters, the journey often feels like an impossible one. I…
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For L.E. with love
I lay in corpse posebreathing inbreathing outfinally allowing my bodyto let goof all it holdsfrom the terror of the pastandthe sometimes strain of now. The pain I carryalways in my left cheek.I called my acestors,instantaneous lovefor the wounds I cling to. I saw you then,no Papaw yet,27 and a tank commander.A moment of quiet and…
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You wanted to show me the stars.My father showed them to melong ago,but he wanted to drown my soul in the blackness of space. You. You, my daughter,dancing on the cusp of gender,that fine liminal space,you understand better than I.You saw the telescope in the cabinand you knew they weren’t for drowning.You understood they are…
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Journal entry after reading some of Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg
The cat sits in the window, half her hind quarters wedged between the narrow frame of the open sliding glass, the other half on the ledge. Her right front paw is delicately placed in the rail, separated from the left by a thin strip of metal. Only her tail leaves the boundaries of the window.…
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It Was Always Going to be the Birds
My heart broke, went hushed and stillwhen I left my mothersitting so tiny in the intensive carehospital chair. Fifty one years oldand I now live with the certaintyof her mortal condition,as well as a whisper of my ownsomeday death. Once all within my power was doneto ready the house for her return,I sat in the…
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Dear Grandma (a letter you aren’t here to read),
Let me tell you about the weather first, because you always started your letters to me by sharing the latest weather patterns. After you died, I noticed the still green leaves were showing their dry undersides. Autumn was coming, even though it was still in the 90s every day. The week of your funeral it…
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Dear Grandma
You transitioned out of your earthly body 8 days ago. I was with you every day while you lay in your hospital bed. The first day I came to see you it was evening and when I approached your door I could hear you yelling. Your daughter led us away saying the nurses were doing…
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concussion is a brain injury?!!!
Quick snippet about my life. Not even going to edit this. Fell back in January on ice right outside my townhome and I got a concussion. Fast forward 5 months and I’m trying specialized meds to ease the daily migraines and I’m working with a cognitive therapist to help me with attention, planning, memory and…
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Handless Maiden's Journey 
