This is my Scripture study blog plus, plus meaning whatever else I put in it. This is for my family. I love them and I want to share with them the love of the gospel I have and what I am learning. So to start out, I must make a confession.
My bishop asked my a question last Sunday that lead to this answer:
I have been having a Spiritual midlife crisis. I began asking why bother with church, tithing, and everything else. It was too hard and too much work. I felt like that I had worked hard trying to do the right thing and I didn't like how my life had gone. Where were my rewards for doing a good job? Where were my blessings? At least the blessing I wanted. My son, Seth, when I asked, stated that I was a pessimist but just a little bit. Since that statement, I had become much more of one. I wasn't able to recognize the blessings that are in my life even though they were right in front of me. I was too busy looking at what was wrong or missing in my life. Anger and bitterness had become a part of who I was even thought the Lord kept blessing my life. It even came to a point that I chose to not renew my recommend. Mainly because I had chose not to pay tithing and felt that I could not. I had not lost my testimony, but it had weakened significantly.
But something happened. I started praying. Really praying. One of the most important things that I had in my possession, my recommend, I had voluntarily let go. I love the temple. I love how I feel there. I love that I can leave the world behind and concentrate on what Heavenly Father wants me to know. It was my solace during the most difficult times of my life. It is was were I had found peace. More than ever I need it now. Instead of outsides sources causing chaos and trials, the chaos and trials were within. I repented, start paying tithing and eventually got the the courage to go to the bishop and ask how long I would have to wait before I could renew by recommend. With tears in my eyes (OK, I was bawling) and determination to never let it happen again, I left with my recommend in hand.
So the next step is scripture study, not scripture reading, scripture study! The sister missionaries turned me to "Preach my Gospel", chapter 2 "How do I study Effectively and Prepare to Teach". So I begin my change of heart and this blog to share my journey, with those I love so much, my family!
So here's the thing. Whenever I have prayed about anything such has work, my marriage, my family, my testimony, my etc. I have received one answer: Study the scriptures. And this scripture comes to mind.
2 Nephi 32:3
Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
You think that this is a hint? Anyway, I have decided to try to study my scriptures, not just read. And part of studying is taking notes and this is where I will do it and share with my family what I have learned and how it is changing my life. I figure you should read it now instead of waiting till after I die and you read all the journals I have not written. But mostly, I just want to still influence you, my posterity, in the only way left to me. By my example and my Testimony.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Book of Mormon Reading Day 1 and 2
I have been struggling with my faith. Not in a way that I want to leave the Church or anything like that. It is more about questioning why things have to be done or why it has to be done a certain way. Someone today talked about Faith and it being an action word and gave an
analogy. It kind of weird but it works. Jesus stands ready to walk a
tight rope and asks if we have faith that He can walk the tightrope. We
of course say yes. He then blindfolds himself and ask again if we have
faith He can walk the tightrope. We say yes. He then brings out a
wheelbarrow and asks again if we have faith and again we say yes. He
then ask if He were to fill with with bricks do we have faith that he
can still walk on the tightrope and again we say yes. He then says "Get
in" I have not been actively working on my Faith. I have not made it a
priority and so I am going to do what I had done so many years ago when I
realized I didn't have a testimony of the Gospel. Read the Book of Mormon
I found a 180 Book of Mormon challenge from the Perth Australia Rockingham Stake and I thought that not only should I read it and study what the challenge says to study but to also write about it. So here I go.
Day 1 & 2 was about reading the Preface (Title Page), Introduction, Testimony of Three Witnesses, Testimony of Eight Witnesses, Testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith and marking the the quote by Joseph Smith about the Book of Mormon was the most correct book and the keystone of our religion and you can get nearer to God. It also include a quote from President Hinkley saying:
“I would like to urge [everyone] to again read the Book of Mormon…There is nothing we
could do of greater importance than to have fortified in our individual lives an unshakable
conviction that Jesus is the Christ, the Living Son of the Living God. And, my brothers and
sisters, that is the purpose of the coming forth of this remarkable and wonderful book.”
I need this unshakable conviction that Jesus is the Christ and that He and Heavenly Father love me and are aware of my desires, needs as well as my disappointments and sorrows. So many years ago as a teenager that relationship was the most important thing to me. Again, years later, it was important to me again as I struggled through great sorrow and pain. What I need is it to be important to me, not only during the bad days but the good ones too. Maybe by having this conviction again, I can have faith to keep doing the things that I am asked to do even when it is most difficult. I want to make the Gospel a priority in my life the way it once was so long ago. I have let life get in the way and feel overwhelmed of the things required of me and the sadness due to failure of not getting everything done because there just doesn't seem to be enough time. So like the empty pickle jar, I will begin filling my life with the important things first and then add in all the rest. It is supposed to fit and I need to have Faith that it will.
I found a 180 Book of Mormon challenge from the Perth Australia Rockingham Stake and I thought that not only should I read it and study what the challenge says to study but to also write about it. So here I go.
Day 1 & 2 was about reading the Preface (Title Page), Introduction, Testimony of Three Witnesses, Testimony of Eight Witnesses, Testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith and marking the the quote by Joseph Smith about the Book of Mormon was the most correct book and the keystone of our religion and you can get nearer to God. It also include a quote from President Hinkley saying:
“I would like to urge [everyone] to again read the Book of Mormon…There is nothing we
could do of greater importance than to have fortified in our individual lives an unshakable
conviction that Jesus is the Christ, the Living Son of the Living God. And, my brothers and
sisters, that is the purpose of the coming forth of this remarkable and wonderful book.”
I need this unshakable conviction that Jesus is the Christ and that He and Heavenly Father love me and are aware of my desires, needs as well as my disappointments and sorrows. So many years ago as a teenager that relationship was the most important thing to me. Again, years later, it was important to me again as I struggled through great sorrow and pain. What I need is it to be important to me, not only during the bad days but the good ones too. Maybe by having this conviction again, I can have faith to keep doing the things that I am asked to do even when it is most difficult. I want to make the Gospel a priority in my life the way it once was so long ago. I have let life get in the way and feel overwhelmed of the things required of me and the sadness due to failure of not getting everything done because there just doesn't seem to be enough time. So like the empty pickle jar, I will begin filling my life with the important things first and then add in all the rest. It is supposed to fit and I need to have Faith that it will.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Part 2 -Reader's Digest version.
I was supposed to finish the house story. Let us just say that we got it. That it cost us a total of $1500 to move in. Ok that doesn't count the rental of the truck or the water heater we had to replace. We love our house, the ward we have moved into and are making plans on what we want to do to make it even better.
Just so you know, it was a shock to us that we got this house at all. But everything fell into place and it happened. 2 months after talking to a mortgage lender we were in our new home! We honestly thought this would take more months but it didn't and we figured that for some reason not only do we want to be here but we need to be here!
Just so you know, it was a shock to us that we got this house at all. But everything fell into place and it happened. 2 months after talking to a mortgage lender we were in our new home! We honestly thought this would take more months but it didn't and we figured that for some reason not only do we want to be here but we need to be here!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
A New Adventure
On December 26, Steve and I went to see a mortgage lender. It was the beginning of a wild, crazy and yet oddly coincidental ride. Are you ready?
We went to the lender (Dan) to see what we needed to do to buy a house. We figured it would be a several month adventure since we would need to save money and then go through the process of finding a house. Because I wanted to keep our payment under a $1000 per month, we found out we needed to look for a home less than $140,000. We also found out we qualified for down payment assistance so all we needed were closing costs and inspection fees. So I asked the question, "so we need to save money before we start looking". Dan said no, we could start right away. We could always ask for the seller to pay closing costs, if we did find a house and if they said no, we would keep looking and save. The more money we saved the more "power" we would have. So Dan gave us a name of a Realtor and even said he would call the Realtor, Jimmy, for us. We were not home for very long from that meeting when we got the call from from Jimmy.
Jimmy already knew what Dan knew. We had no money saved but we were looking at houses under $140,000. He found out what we wanted: three bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and we began receiving e-mails of different houses that met those requirements. Most of the houses in the e-mails had pictures of the outside and inside of the house and based on what we saw we picked a few that we wanted to look at.
The first few houses we saw was on Friday, December 29th. We stayed in the North East area at first. But each house we looked at always had something wrong with it. One house had no dining room and what I would consider a dining room was called a bedroom (because it had a closet) even though it had a door into the kitchen and a door to the living room. Another house was too small. Another the driveway and garage's cement floor was all cracked up. One house we were interested in had a large living area, dining room and a den and it was very open, which was one of the things I wanted. I liked it but at the same time, I didn't. I couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe because I had a different idea in mind? So we kept looking. I mentioned to Jimmy how hard it was to find something I liked. He made the statement, " When you find the house that was meant for you, you will know it". It made me think of having the Spirit confirm what is right.
Jimmy told us he could take us to houses that we found in Oildale on Monday, December 31. So the first house we went to, we were not able to go in and see. I was already not too sure about it since the neighborhood didn't look all that great and most of the garage had been used to build another room. So on to the next house. We went into the next house. And it happened. I had not walked in more than three steps when I knew that this was the house. I couldn't see anything except the doorway to the kitchen (on the left of me) and the hallway in front of me and yet I knew this was it. The house looked like the pictures. Everything was new. The tile, carpet, counter tops, sinks, fixtures and lighting. It was done very nicely. The more I looked the more I knew I was home. It was so weird, because I knew we did not have enough money or "power" to make sure things happened. But then the coincidences begin to happen. The house was considered a flipped house. It had been on the market for over 90 days which is not a good thing for the flipper. But the owner/flipper, Louie, was well known for flipping houses. We went to look at another house, Steve and I both liked it but my "heart" was still at the other one. Jimmy knew we were interested in the first house because I kept telling both him and Steve, "I like the other one better".
We went home and eventually started talking about the possibility of making an offer. While we were talking, Jimmy called and told us that the price had been dropped $5000. We decided to go for it. So on December 31, 5 days after talking to Dan about getting a mortgage we put a bid on the house. We offered the new price and the seller pays closing cost and escrow closes on Feb. 15 (time for financial paperwork). They came back and said pay $4000 dollars more, close on Feb 5th and they would pay closing costs. Just for your information, in this market the seller does not usually want to pay closing costs. Jimmy explained to Louie why we needed the extra time. And then we got the bad news, there was another offer on the table. So we waited. I was sure that it was over. Steve and I prayed about it. We asked Heavenly Father to let us get the house but only if it was His will and so we waited.
Part two coming later.
We went to the lender (Dan) to see what we needed to do to buy a house. We figured it would be a several month adventure since we would need to save money and then go through the process of finding a house. Because I wanted to keep our payment under a $1000 per month, we found out we needed to look for a home less than $140,000. We also found out we qualified for down payment assistance so all we needed were closing costs and inspection fees. So I asked the question, "so we need to save money before we start looking". Dan said no, we could start right away. We could always ask for the seller to pay closing costs, if we did find a house and if they said no, we would keep looking and save. The more money we saved the more "power" we would have. So Dan gave us a name of a Realtor and even said he would call the Realtor, Jimmy, for us. We were not home for very long from that meeting when we got the call from from Jimmy.
Jimmy already knew what Dan knew. We had no money saved but we were looking at houses under $140,000. He found out what we wanted: three bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and we began receiving e-mails of different houses that met those requirements. Most of the houses in the e-mails had pictures of the outside and inside of the house and based on what we saw we picked a few that we wanted to look at.
The first few houses we saw was on Friday, December 29th. We stayed in the North East area at first. But each house we looked at always had something wrong with it. One house had no dining room and what I would consider a dining room was called a bedroom (because it had a closet) even though it had a door into the kitchen and a door to the living room. Another house was too small. Another the driveway and garage's cement floor was all cracked up. One house we were interested in had a large living area, dining room and a den and it was very open, which was one of the things I wanted. I liked it but at the same time, I didn't. I couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe because I had a different idea in mind? So we kept looking. I mentioned to Jimmy how hard it was to find something I liked. He made the statement, " When you find the house that was meant for you, you will know it". It made me think of having the Spirit confirm what is right.
Jimmy told us he could take us to houses that we found in Oildale on Monday, December 31. So the first house we went to, we were not able to go in and see. I was already not too sure about it since the neighborhood didn't look all that great and most of the garage had been used to build another room. So on to the next house. We went into the next house. And it happened. I had not walked in more than three steps when I knew that this was the house. I couldn't see anything except the doorway to the kitchen (on the left of me) and the hallway in front of me and yet I knew this was it. The house looked like the pictures. Everything was new. The tile, carpet, counter tops, sinks, fixtures and lighting. It was done very nicely. The more I looked the more I knew I was home. It was so weird, because I knew we did not have enough money or "power" to make sure things happened. But then the coincidences begin to happen. The house was considered a flipped house. It had been on the market for over 90 days which is not a good thing for the flipper. But the owner/flipper, Louie, was well known for flipping houses. We went to look at another house, Steve and I both liked it but my "heart" was still at the other one. Jimmy knew we were interested in the first house because I kept telling both him and Steve, "I like the other one better".
We went home and eventually started talking about the possibility of making an offer. While we were talking, Jimmy called and told us that the price had been dropped $5000. We decided to go for it. So on December 31, 5 days after talking to Dan about getting a mortgage we put a bid on the house. We offered the new price and the seller pays closing cost and escrow closes on Feb. 15 (time for financial paperwork). They came back and said pay $4000 dollars more, close on Feb 5th and they would pay closing costs. Just for your information, in this market the seller does not usually want to pay closing costs. Jimmy explained to Louie why we needed the extra time. And then we got the bad news, there was another offer on the table. So we waited. I was sure that it was over. Steve and I prayed about it. We asked Heavenly Father to let us get the house but only if it was His will and so we waited.
Part two coming later.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
A new commitment
When you read this blog, it is not an invitation to comment and try to make me feel better. It is my turn to do that for myself. But if you want to leave a comment please do. I am writing this for my family and friends and basically don't want to have to die before you read this. Most of you are the beginning of my descendents and your comments and insights will be added to this blog as part of my life story. I love you guys.
Yesterday I was miserable. I cried off and on pretty much all day. I hated my life and felt there was nothing I could do about it. Everything was wrong. Not even the thought of my children and grandchildren could help. Life pretty much sucked. I was depressed and therefore unreasonable. I prayed for help to get out of the depression. I prayed to find joy. As usual I turned to my scriptures and started flipping through it and several came up talking about the temple. None of the scriptures had a theme, just the word temple. And then I hit upon Alma 32: 38-39. (See scripture on the left). And then I got it. Something finally got through the fog.
I asked Steve for a blessing and then I talked to a dear friend and between the two the fog began to lift and I am beginning to see what I need to see. Don't get me wrong, things are still foggy but I am beginning to see what I need to do to find JOY. The reason for the change of title. I am thinking about making this blog invitation only but I haven't figure it out yet but for now I have let the ones know that it is here. My family and closets friends.
My last blog I talked about commitment and how I have difficulty sticking to something so I chose weight loss and immediately didn't feel it was the right thing but felt it was necessary because of other people and myself. It took a friend to help me realize why I chose the weight loss goal instead of others things. I don't feel good about myself and I thought that weight loss would help me feel better. My sweet friend said that when we are broken inside we cling to the outside. I am broken inside. Not matter what people say I don't like who I am. And the question is why? For whatever reason I need the approval of others to feel good about myself; from my husband, children, friends and total strangers, it really doesn't matter. So I concentrate on the outside sources because inside I really don't believe them and needed the constant reminder in hopes of believing it myself.
Those of you who are reading this and know me, are you surprised? Some won't be and I think some will.
So what is next. Well I changed the blogs name from Getting it Right to Finding Joy. There is joy in my life from the gospel to my family but I need to recognize it for myself. To find joy from within. When I thought of what I should make a commitment to and chose weight loss what I really felt I need to do was study the scriptures and teachings of our prophets. I know in my head who I am and were I came from. I know in my head that I am loved by my Heavenly Father, that I am his daughter and he loves me despite my short comings. I know in my head that the Atonement applies to me, in all aspects of my life. What I need to do is to know it in my heart, my spirit. To allow the atonement to heal the inside of me that is broken.
When Hal died I felt that I needed to get my life in order. Spiritual order. There are things I need to do, to prepare for and it can't be done by losing weight. The scripture I chose talks of nourishing the tree. It is about studying the scriptures and prayer but I also see it as nourishing me. Learning to like myself and not needing outside sources to do it for me. To change my life one step at a time. But this time starting within.We are promised when we do what we need to do we will be given more and when we don't what we have will be taken away.
So here is a new commitment. I am going to spend time each day reading and pondering the scriptures and words of our prophets. Not just reading but studying. Part of my blessing from Steve told me to do this and I was already thinking this way. What a way to get confirmation. I still plan on watching what I eat, exercise and I am doing the 5k in January 12. But the commitment is study and I feel right about this. Oh and remember the word temple that kept popping up and then the finally the scripture about barren ground; well it reminded me about my P. blessing saying that I should go to the temple often to keep up my spiritual life so that will be added to this commitment too. What better place to ponder than in the temple.
And don't worry, I am not going to be mournful and down on myself. This is my blog about finding joy and you are invited to read about my journey.
Yesterday I was miserable. I cried off and on pretty much all day. I hated my life and felt there was nothing I could do about it. Everything was wrong. Not even the thought of my children and grandchildren could help. Life pretty much sucked. I was depressed and therefore unreasonable. I prayed for help to get out of the depression. I prayed to find joy. As usual I turned to my scriptures and started flipping through it and several came up talking about the temple. None of the scriptures had a theme, just the word temple. And then I hit upon Alma 32: 38-39. (See scripture on the left). And then I got it. Something finally got through the fog.
I asked Steve for a blessing and then I talked to a dear friend and between the two the fog began to lift and I am beginning to see what I need to see. Don't get me wrong, things are still foggy but I am beginning to see what I need to do to find JOY. The reason for the change of title. I am thinking about making this blog invitation only but I haven't figure it out yet but for now I have let the ones know that it is here. My family and closets friends.
My last blog I talked about commitment and how I have difficulty sticking to something so I chose weight loss and immediately didn't feel it was the right thing but felt it was necessary because of other people and myself. It took a friend to help me realize why I chose the weight loss goal instead of others things. I don't feel good about myself and I thought that weight loss would help me feel better. My sweet friend said that when we are broken inside we cling to the outside. I am broken inside. Not matter what people say I don't like who I am. And the question is why? For whatever reason I need the approval of others to feel good about myself; from my husband, children, friends and total strangers, it really doesn't matter. So I concentrate on the outside sources because inside I really don't believe them and needed the constant reminder in hopes of believing it myself.
Those of you who are reading this and know me, are you surprised? Some won't be and I think some will.
So what is next. Well I changed the blogs name from Getting it Right to Finding Joy. There is joy in my life from the gospel to my family but I need to recognize it for myself. To find joy from within. When I thought of what I should make a commitment to and chose weight loss what I really felt I need to do was study the scriptures and teachings of our prophets. I know in my head who I am and were I came from. I know in my head that I am loved by my Heavenly Father, that I am his daughter and he loves me despite my short comings. I know in my head that the Atonement applies to me, in all aspects of my life. What I need to do is to know it in my heart, my spirit. To allow the atonement to heal the inside of me that is broken.
When Hal died I felt that I needed to get my life in order. Spiritual order. There are things I need to do, to prepare for and it can't be done by losing weight. The scripture I chose talks of nourishing the tree. It is about studying the scriptures and prayer but I also see it as nourishing me. Learning to like myself and not needing outside sources to do it for me. To change my life one step at a time. But this time starting within.We are promised when we do what we need to do we will be given more and when we don't what we have will be taken away.
So here is a new commitment. I am going to spend time each day reading and pondering the scriptures and words of our prophets. Not just reading but studying. Part of my blessing from Steve told me to do this and I was already thinking this way. What a way to get confirmation. I still plan on watching what I eat, exercise and I am doing the 5k in January 12. But the commitment is study and I feel right about this. Oh and remember the word temple that kept popping up and then the finally the scripture about barren ground; well it reminded me about my P. blessing saying that I should go to the temple often to keep up my spiritual life so that will be added to this commitment too. What better place to ponder than in the temple.
And don't worry, I am not going to be mournful and down on myself. This is my blog about finding joy and you are invited to read about my journey.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Choice
Had a conversation today with a friend of mine about going back to counseling. She decided I needed to hear something about choices. My choices. Basically, I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk. I am not committed to what I am doing, whatever it is. Like, weight loss, exercise, money management, classroom management, housework, scripture study, get the idea? I want to do all of these but all I do is talk and not do. Oh I start out pretty well and then boom I quit. Almost like I want to fail.I don't think I want to fail but yet I do all the time.
For example. I started a diet that last 3 weeks and then I stopped. I have been trying to get back on it ever since. I will start scripture study for a few days, weeks and even 3 months (last summer) and then stop. It is a constant stop and go. Problem is, I think I am getting whiplash.
So make a choice already. I have two, diet/exercise and work. Diet/exercise to deal with work and work to deal with classroom management. We shall see how it goes. As for the other things well I will keep trying to do those but concentrate on these two. Wish me luck!
For example. I started a diet that last 3 weeks and then I stopped. I have been trying to get back on it ever since. I will start scripture study for a few days, weeks and even 3 months (last summer) and then stop. It is a constant stop and go. Problem is, I think I am getting whiplash.
So make a choice already. I have two, diet/exercise and work. Diet/exercise to deal with work and work to deal with classroom management. We shall see how it goes. As for the other things well I will keep trying to do those but concentrate on these two. Wish me luck!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Are you kidding me!?
I have a thought, and idea, actually. Maybe it would be better to call it a goal. I am thinking about running a 5K marathon. I looked it up, it is about 3 miles. It is 4 miles to my work. It doesn't really seem that long, but I want to run it not walk.
My friend Laura led me to a sight called from Couch to 5K and I am going to try it. She is doing something a little different but the idea is the same. It is supposed to take about 9 weeks to do this. I have two concerns. My weight and my shoes.
With my weight, I know that it puts more pressure on my joints more so than if I was lighter, so I am concerned about that. With my shoes, you just need a good pair and even though I have New Balance, it doesn't mean they are good shoes for running.
I see my trainer today and I am going to talk to her about it. I am kind of excited about the idea and yet a part of me is saying "Are you kidding me!?"
My friend Laura led me to a sight called from Couch to 5K and I am going to try it. She is doing something a little different but the idea is the same. It is supposed to take about 9 weeks to do this. I have two concerns. My weight and my shoes.
With my weight, I know that it puts more pressure on my joints more so than if I was lighter, so I am concerned about that. With my shoes, you just need a good pair and even though I have New Balance, it doesn't mean they are good shoes for running.
I see my trainer today and I am going to talk to her about it. I am kind of excited about the idea and yet a part of me is saying "Are you kidding me!?"
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