Hillis Hilarity

What I most want to do on this here blog right now is just get caught up. I want to show you my precious children and sing their praises and share the ridiculousness that has been our life.

But my heart won’t let me do that. I’ve been consumed with so many Mormony thoughts and I can’t seem to say anything of real worth until I get them off my chest.

We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For the last 2-and-a-smidge years, old man Shawnie was the bishop of our congregation. For non-LDS folks, you could think of this position as a pastor. He had the opportunity to meet with various members of our congregation and learn with them and share and witness the miracles in their lives. He also got to rub shoulders with several stellar individuals who lead organizations both inside and outside of the congregation…groups for children and youth and missionaries and the like. Of course he attended a lot of meetings. And he helped administer to the temporal and spiritual welfare of the people. There is basically a small army in every LDS Ward (or congregation) that does that and in my opinion, they are the unsung heros in every unit. All you LDS folks, go hug your High Priest Group Leader, your Elders Quorum President and your Relief Society President and tell them a giant THANK YOU.

Go ahead. We’ll wait. Take your time.

😉

Everything from Christmas parties to service opportunities to Sunday teaching to broken down water fountains and library materials and BYU college referrals goes through – drumroll please – the bishop.

And that means he doesn’t have a lot of extra hours at home with his family. But here is the thing.

It was my pleasure to share him. I won’t lie that it wasn’t sometimes hard. But I didn’t resent picking up the slack.

I don’t have many talents. I’m not super good at any one thing, really. I’m reasonably decent at several things. But one thing I am good at is loving people. And loving God and our Savior. And because I love others and God, I would gladly share Shawn with them if he could ever help. I decided that a long, long time ago.

And certainly we came out on the winning end BIG TIME. The blessings of that sort of focused service are innumerable.

And to be clear – the blessings of ANY kind of focused service are innumerable. It doesn’t matter the job. Our covenanted service to our Lord and our fellow man changes us and makes us better and can enlighten our lives in innumerable ways.

We received countless blessings and made so many lovely friends and our lives changed seeing how others care for those in the world around them. Witnessing someone else’s miracle will change your life if you let it. And we so tried to let it. It was just a real win-win-win sort of experience. It had tiresome moments and we all needed more hours in the day and vacations than we ever got, but to be very clear – it was a positive experience for us to see all the good and the humanity of the people in this area.

The overall goodness and humanity of the LDS people is something I love about my religious culture. I see it as somewhat separate from the faith. I’ve long loved the LDS culture. Generally speaking, Mormons are joiners. We like groups and events and treats at the end. We visit the widows and sick and believe every day is a fresh new start. We make room for everyone. There is little tolerance for “let’s invite just this person and not that person” in our culture. Gossip is taboo. So is drinking, which probably keeps us from making as big fools of ourselves as we might otherwise.

Something to know about our culture is that with rare exception, Mormons are very much afraid of offending you with our Books of Mormons and invitations to church activities. For many of us it is baring our souls to say, “I love this and want to include you.” And we are nervous you won’t appreciate the offer or will think we only want to know you to convert you. That is not the case.  Largely, we are accepting, often to a fault. We believe very much that you don’t need to be LDS to be saved. We say you bring what is good in your faith to us and we will just expand on it. As a group, we love religious freedoms and are tolerant. We will defend your right to be Muslim or faithless or to worship grass on Wednesdays and the sky during leap years.

Overall, Mormons just plain ole like people.

It can be said, we’re suckers for doing a good deed. Needful or otherwise, we do so enjoy a well placed good deed.

We aren’t perfect. I could go on and on about ways we could improve as a people. And I’m not just talking about how we should officially step away from the Jell-O molds. But I’ve seen so much decency and kindness and tireless efforts to do good, I guess maybe I just understand these people in a way that I can’t help but love them.

Because our local leaders are not paid, men like local bishops hold down full time jobs and also serve in their ward. Everyone who serves in any LDS congregation does so without financial recompense. The seminary teacher goes in every single day and teaches high school kids at 5-something am and is not paid. He then goes to work his full time job. The ladies tending babies in the nursery  each Sunday – it’s for free. The missionaries you see in your neighborhoods have actually paid to be there. They do these things because they believe they have covenanted to serve the Lord in certain ways and fulfilling opportunities building up His kingdom on earth helps us keep those covenants. I serve at church because I covenanted to bear the burdens of my neighbors and friends. I take it seriously. Culturally, we take it seriously. And even if someone else thinks it is a load of crock….

we still take that load of crock pretty darn seriously.

Which brings me to my heartbreak. 

Knowing all of that, can you consider how I personally might feel about a production like

The Book of Mormon Musical?

Let me start by saying – I didn’t see it. Typically, when one doesn’t know much about something, what should follow is silence. But I want to continue because  – well, I’m the author. And it’s the overall sentiment of the production that hurt.

To be clear, at one early point, I thought it would be a funny show to catch. Overall, I don’t appreciate censorship in the arts and was defensive of anyone who suggested I should NOT see it. I’m a grown woman. I’ll see what I want when I want to. Also, it had great reviews.

Then I listened to people commenting on what was in the show. And not long after that, my heart was sick as I tried to reconcile what I was hearing and reading with the Mormonism I knew…the Mormonism that I’ve tirelessly worked within the framework of…the Mormonism and – a whole lot bigger than that, the gospel – my husband just made himself sick over protecting for two years. The Mormonism that is full of nice people and their good deeds and their tireless efforts to be better. And their Jell-O. Can’t forget the Jell-O.

To some, it’s a funny musical. It’s a laugh and an unfamiliar musical score and some swear words strung together in comical ways. It’s a well placed guffaw mingled with some shock and awe.

To me, the very construct of it started to break my dang heart. You see, I watched my husband pour over recommends for those kids leaving on missions. Writing is not his strength per se and so simple comments might take him hours as he labored to find the most perfect thing to say so they could best be placed throughout the world. I watched the good people he worked with at church often give every last minute they had to help others in tough situations. I have been enamored as already busy people humbly offered to do more.

These are really good people.

We are talking quality here.

And while I wouldn’t put myself in exactly their same category of selfless servants, I watched myself give what I thought was a good-enough sort of offering, only to realize that many other people thought my entire belief system was the thing song and dance numbers are made of.

Ouch.

In a world that is all about setting up plenty of boundaries so you don’t get abused, LDS people commit to stepping into the dark places of the world, holding the lonely hand, and maybe knocking down a boundary or two if it helps some heartbreak. It hurt me to think anyone could dislike us so much that we deserved an entire musical mocking us. And that then, it would be well-attended.

Maybe Mormons could do Mormonism better? Maybe we could do Sundays with a live band, laugh track and some choreography. But we certainly don’t want to harm anyone. I can’t think of an LDS person I know who wants that – and heavens knows I know plenty of them. Maybe Mormons really are as naive as they were portrayed? But maybe we are just nice people who don’t mind being a little put out if it’s for a greater good?

I hope in sharing this some people might realize that making fun of an entire group of people in this way – people who just want to be nice – well, it kind of hurts. I thought I was way too old for this hurt. I thought I had experienced every flavor of this pain. But this was a new ouch in light of where our lives have been for two years. Suddenly the very types of people I love doing the very things I think are good and holy are being mocked at intermissions by tipsy women teetering in too tall heels while munching on some candied almonds and another glass of wine.

I have to wonder who is next. The Amish? Hassidic Jews?

In the end, I learned a lot from a musical I never saw.

I have been learning (re-learning?) it is a decision to move from being hurt to learning how to be better. That’s always my motivation. Or at least, it should be. I’ve got to take what I feel about this and find a way to do something good with it. I need to connect with others so they can see Mormons are more  than characters on a stage. Or worse, characters playing at life.

I learned that maybe I want to be extra careful in believing what someone tells me is true. Dear Hindu friend – tell me what it’s like to be Hindu for you.  I’ll just believe ya. I want to go straight to the source from now on. I want to never let people’s differences be my wanton entertainment. I don’t want to have to drag people’s core beliefs down and mock them to have a memorable night. Right now it’s almost acceptable in our culture to eviscerate all sorts of groups. I don’t want to be part of that. I’m tired of hearing people rip apart entire groups of people. I want to work toward being more respectful. We can even be kind to the fringey sorts of people – you know, like those who still like gluten and red food dye. I believe in us.

The night Shawn was called as the bishop, a loving man I greatly admire explained to me that he thought being the bishop’s wife was the hardest calling in the ward. I often felt that way. People do some dang funky stuff to ya as bishop’s wife and you have to learn to roll with it – although I occasionally snapped and for that, I would like to blame Hanger. It’s a thing.

Look it up.

Go ahead. We’ll wait. Again.

But mostly it was the hardest job to me because I absolutely fell in love with a group of people and just thought the world of them. I didn’t always think everyone was perfect  – and they didn’t feel that way about me – but I loved them with all my guts. So I ached when they were struggling or even just being difficult as people. I love my ward and I love my religion and its culture. I love our missionaries. I love what we stand for. I love our quirks and imperfections. And the gospel. And the entire ball of LDS wax.

Maybe I could learn about other groups and love them so much my heart would ache before I would use them as fodder? Seems like exactly the sort of thing Christ would want from me. I’m not sure I will get there, but it’s an interesting exercise that certainly couldn’t hurt any. Maybe if we all make a similar such effort now, we will never see featured on The Great White Way

Essential Oils – The Mockery and Musical!

Starring Matthew Broderick and Christine Ebersole

Instead, we’d just listen to some oil-y expert. And see if we could learn from him or her. And maybe then we would take what was good and add to it. Maybe we would all include one another. Maybe someone else would share their oil-y expert spouse for two years so we could all learn the benefits and we’d get super healthy and fierce and muscly. And maybe have some molded Jell-O. And say “Thanks for sharing!”

So there you have it. That there is my dream, people.

Niceness. Understanding. Both in my church AND out of it.

Luckily, even when my heart ached over a silly musical, my love for people hasn’t changed. I love that I live where people can openly mock religions for financial gain. Ok, I don’t love that. I’m lying. I don’t think I will ever love that. But I can appreciate that it is far better than the alternative of us not being allowed to say what we want about religion without fear of abuse.

And most of all, I love that just after the show closed, the very Mormon church that was the product of so much laughter went next door to the Bob Carr and had a giant disaster relief event for the Philippines. There are much bigger issues in the world. And I guess the Mormon church is planning on tackling those…