Mail

Instead of Christmas cards, a few letters I'm wanting to compose.

Dear Sam-
Please don't share peanut butter with Charlie.  I know you wanted to be nice, but the huge hives all over his mouth and chin are there to tell us that in this case, sharing was not a good idea.  This is why I tell you to keep food at the table.

Thanks, Mom

Dear Charlie-
Please get your teeth.  Your late night parties and lack of appetite have got to quit. 

Love, Mom

Dear Mother Nature-
Please wait to send snow on Christmas day.  I know, the whole White Christmas thing, yada yada, but when I still have errands to run a few days before Christmas, it's a tad inconvenient. 

Sincerely,
Me and I'm sure thousands of other moms


Dear Grumpy Mood-

Please go away.  You're not welcome here.  Especially at this time of year. 

Now Scram-
Me

Remembering

Today I'm remembering.  I'm remembering this Sunday six years ago, also December 19th.  I remember how big and pregnant I was singing in the church choir for the Christmas program.  I remember that I didn't really want to be there considering my due date had come and gone 6 days before. 

I remember coming home from church and heading to the hospital for my first dose of prostin gel.  I remember being sent home with instructions to come back 6 hours later for my second dose.  I remember a nap and a stop by Pat's parents house as we headed back 6 hours later.  I remember throwing the hospital bag in the car just in case the plan to come back the next morning somehow changed.  I remember laying on the bed after the second dose and feeling a pop.  I remember Pat making me laugh and the gush of water that would come with every chuckle. 

I remember sending him out to the car for the just in case bag.  I remember starting to feel uncomfortable, but not wanting an epidural yet.  I remember getting a shot every hour through the night that would instantly put me to sleep for 20 minutes.  I remember waking up after 20 minutes and being uncomfortable for 40 until I could get another shot.  Looking back, that was a silly thing to do, but I remember thinking it would be a long labor and not wanting the epidural to wear off by the time I needed it.  I remember starting the pitocin the next morning and waiting for a few hours until I knew the epidural was a necessity.  The anesthesiologist had rainbow-striped suspenders, and before long he had my undying gratitude. 

I remember throwing up over and over again while laboring and losing strength.  I remember getting to a 10 around lunch time and being told to wait because the baby hadn't dropped.  Waiting while at a 10 is not a good feeling, but I somehow fell asleep.  I vaguely remember some monitor problems.  I'd developed a fever, and so had the baby.  I remember around 3 telling the nurse that if I didn't push soon I thought I'd be too weak. 

There were 22 other babies who came at the hospital that day, so no one was available to help.  I remember the nurse giving us quick instructions on pushing and leaving Pat and I there to get started.  He counted, I held my legs, and we worked for an hour.  I remember the nurse finally coming in to see how I was progressing, and sticking around to help.  I remember pushing for another hour before they called the doctor.  I remember the doctor coming and giving me pep talk after pep talk to keep going.  After another half hour, our sweet girl was here.  All 8 pounds 13 ounces of her.  I remember the shock of such a big baby, and the happiness in holding her.

I remember yelling at Pat's parents who walked in as I was being stitched up, but letting them come in soon after to see our sweet girl.  I remember the parade of visitors and the euphoria which overshadowed the battle scars that come with two and a half hours of pushing.  I remember looking at her and choosing a name- Adelynn after Pat's grandma Adele, Anne after my grandma Anne. 

Tomorrow she'll be 6.  She's really becoming herself lately.  She is thoughtful and sweet.  She has a passion for learning and she loves to share her latest discoveries.  She's helpful and kind.  She loves bugs and dirt and bracelets and Barbies.  She loves her dad and brothers, but still has times when she just wants girl time with me. 

I'm sure I won't be around tomorrow to write about her- we're spending the day celebrating.  Happy Birthday to my Adelynn Anne.  Six years ago you changed me, and I am forever grateful. 

Five on Friday

1.  I am seriously excited for Christmas break.  Not running back and forth to the school multiple times a day sounds lovely.  Having all my chicks at home sounds even more lovely.  Hoping the reality of the bickering doesn't burst my bubble too quickly, but a few days recently have given me hope.  Monday I took the kids to Williams-Sonoma.  So not a kid store, and I was nervous, but there was no other way, and as a total Christmas miracle, they were great.  It was a lovely day with them, so I'm hoping for more of those.

2.  Today I'm feeling crushed about the Provo Tabernacle fire.  I love that building.  I love the memories I have with Pat in that building while we were dating and then while we were newly-weds.  We were in a stake choir together while single that was beyond awesome, and we performed a Christmas concert there.  There was a BYU music guy who was called to just do our stake's music, and it was such a fun singing experience.  We went to the only stake conference there where I've ever had the sacrament at stake conference, and it was an incredible experience.  What a terrible loss in this beautiful landmark.  I truly hope they can salvage it or rebuild it to look like the original. 

3.  The Mary's Lullaby cd is by far my favorite Christmas music of the year (although look around, I think you can find it cheaper than the link I provided).  Mindy Gledhill's version of "In the Bleak Midwinter" has taken first place.  The last stanza of that poem/song has always struck a chord with me, but hearing her sing "what can I give him? Give my heart"  makes me tear up every time. 

4.   My kids have been making up their own share of songs lately.  Addie's been keeping her lyrics in a little notebook.  Any vowel sound is repeated and held out over again.  For example, her song "I love you" is really a 3 minute ditty because it's more like "I-i-i-i-i-i-i lo-o-o-o-o-o-ve you-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh."  Sam's song this morning was entitled "I see a camel". I think his inspiration came from the nativity set on top of our piano. 

5.  I went to a fun blogger thing a few weeks ago courtesy of an invitation from Hannah.  I have a fun giveaway coming at the start of a new venture.  Can't wait to share.

Bonus- Tonight we're going to the Tabernacle choir Christmas concert.  Pat's mom is on the hosting committee and helps shuffle around guests and put together gift baskets among other things.  The guest for this year is David Archuleta, and when the hosting chair talked to his mom to find out some of his likes to put in the basket, his mom commented that he likes socks.  Rita happens to be knitting a lot of socks lately, so she knit him a pair for his basket.  I can't think about Rita's sock gift to David Archuleta without chuckling. 


Happy Weekend! 

One year

One year ago today my dad had his stroke. If I have one regret about the past year, it's not documenting the lessons learned and the things we've been through more fully. It's a problem I'm hoping to remedy in the coming months a few different ways. I feel compelled to write it all down. I don't want to forget how we were watched over and cared for each step of the way by One who knew more than we did. I don't want to forget how hard things were and how our faith grew 1,000 times. I don't want to forget the countless times our prayers were answered. I don't want to forget how our small offerings are truly magnified by the Lord to become big and meaningful. I don't want to forget the kindness of others. I don't want to forget the way I fell in love with my husband again with a deeper connection than we've ever experienced. It's amazing to watch our biggest trials also become our biggest blessings. I am forever changed, and I hope I can record lessons learned as a legacy of faith for my children. Today I am reflecting and rejoicing in the blessings and growth of the past year. And I'm dusting off the memories of the past year and preparing to write.

Silent night

My house is quiet-sleeping kids, soft music, and a head full of thoughts are making my night lovely. This week I took Charlie to his 1 year check-up. I scheduled it while the other kids were at school so I didn't have to take everyone along. It was so nice to talk to the pediatrician about my baby without constant interruption. He wanted the update on our life as he's followed our progress over the past year balancing our crazy life. He stood back, cocked his head to the side, and sounded pleasantly surprised as he exclaimed, "You seem so calm! Maybe Christmas has come early to you- full of peace and joy." His nice words have stuck with me all week. So has the realization that I really do feel a calm this season. It's not for lack of busy-ness. I think instead I'm letting the stress roll off and letting go of the things that aren't happening. Christmas cards? Probably New Year's cards. I have Addie's birthday party to plan. Christmas shopping isn't finished, but I have ideas and know that it will all get done just like it does every year. And really, it's not what's most important. Pat is feeling better, and aside from renewed efforts to put a few pounds on him, he's doing well. My kids are happy and excited and learning and growing. My dad is progressing slowly but surely. I find myself worried about others going through major life storms instead of worried about my house being fully decorated. I didn't put everything up this year, and I'm not feeling guilty about choosing less so I can choose more of what's most important. Things are good here. All is calm, all is bright.

Six on Saturday

1. Charlie is in his own room. So far the crib is all that's made it in, but I can't wait to move the rest of his furniture in. The prints I ordered arrived today, and my baby is getting his own space. It only took a year. ;)

2. I haven't put up one stitch of Christmas decor. I think it's putting a damper on my Christmas spirit. I need to work on this pronto.

3. Today Pat has been in bed all day with a stomach bug. It's been slightly reminiscent of last November when his stomach bug turned into a long weekend in the ICU. Hoping we don't have a repeat performance.

4. After way too long, my hair has finally had the intervention it was looking for. Although blonde and red were discussed, I was thinking mostly blonde with a little red, but I think my stylist was thinking mostly red with a little blonde. The fact that I no longer have 2 inch roots and broken, damaged ends is good enough for me.

5. Addie's kid words are fading more and more as she learns to read. It's kind of sad watching them fade as she figures out she's been saying things wrong for so long. Sometimes she's so surprised that she refuses to believe the correct pronunciation is really right. For example, she's always talked about playing the plano instead of the piano. She thinks plano sounds better and won't change her ways.

6. Even though I am yet to decorate, Christmas shopping is well under way. So glad I'm at least getting something done around here!

My Charlie

This boy is 1 today. I can't seem to get my camera to talk to my computer, or I'd share a more recent pic (along with some Disneyland recap, but that's a whole different matter). He is my joy. Laid back and loving. Easy to please. A gentle giant. Lover of people. An adorable tag along to Addie and Sam who still think he's the best thing since sliced bread. And he is. It's been probably the hardest year to date in my life, but definitely not because of Charlie. He's been the calm amidst the storm, and I'm so grateful for the timing of his arrival to our home. I can't imagine the past year without him. For his birthday, he has a brand new sunshine-y yellow room to move into- perfect to match the light he's brought to our home. Happy birthday to my baby. You are my sunshine, Charlie boy.

Sleep-overs

{a recent conversation}
Sam (crying at bedtime): Mom (sob, sniffle), I want to have lots of brothers and sisters so I always have somebody to sleep with me.
Me: How many do you want?
Sam: 7

Not sure his wish will come true with 7 siblings. In the mean time, he's been found snuggled on the top bunk with Addie 2 out of the last 3 nights. Sometimes he is just sweet.

Where have we been?

This past week has been full of catching up, because two weeks ago we were at the happiest place on earth. And really, it was. We had a fabulous time being there with extended family for 4 days. Charlie slept in the stroller and was pretty pleasant overall. Addie was a roller coaster champ and also all about the princesses and Mickey and Minnie. Sam enjoyed anything Toy Story related and rides like Pirates of the Carribean and the Haunted Mansion (all decked out for Chrismas). Hoping to come back soon and recap our trip as well as catch up around here. So much to share. If I'm lucky, I'll get back to posting later tonight!

An Addie Update

{image from our session found here which I still can't get enough of- thanks Melissa!}


I need to record a little about my kids before I forget what they've been up to lately. Addie amazes me. She is full of greatness and I feel so blessed to call her mine. A few recent Addie stories that must be preserved...

-Saturday she took off on her bike. We took the training wheels off a few months ago, but her practice has been spotty since she's been preferring her scooter all summer and even wanted to give me scooter lessons since she's such a speed demon. Saturday she decided to give her bike another whirl and away she went. I know she's a little late to the two-wheeler game, but I'm still feeling pretty proud.

-A few days ago Sam was acting baby-ish while getting in the car and I made the comment that I already had a baby and I was done with babies so he needed to act like a big boy. Addie chimed in, "We're not done with babies, we need at least one more. But if it's not a girl, we'll have to try again. And keep trying until we get a girl." I'm thinking this girl is desperate for a sister.

-The primary program is coming up and Addie is excited. When she read through her part, "Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer," she said, "Mom, this is REALLY important. This is an awesome part!" On Sunday they practiced the program all together for the whole length of primary. When church got done, I couldn't find Addie. I circled the church several times with no luck. The other ward was starting their primary and I finally found Addie on the verge of tears in the hallway outside of her classroom. She said no one told her that primary was finished, so she'd gone to class because she thought it was class time. She waited in her empty classroom for about 15 minutes until the other ward started going in. She was a mess, and I felt so terrible for her. It was really her first experience feeling lost, and one of those moments as a mom you feel like you can't give enough love to make it better fast enough. As hard as it was for her, it doesn't surprise me that it happened because she was trying to make a good choice. That is Addie.

-School is going well. She's had a few rough days and relayed plenty of dramatics about various friends. I think that part of things is my biggest stress about school. Her reading is great and it's so fun to see her devouring books. When I went in for parent-teacher conferences her teacher told me that she has so much to share, but sometimes it leads her to sharing at inappropriate times via whispering to her neighbor. It was funny to hear the same kinds of comments about her that were made about me as a kid. Sometimes the apple doesn't fall far.

-We're headed to Disneyland soon. We were talking to my dad about our upcoming trip. He asked her if we were going to the parade. She turned to me with her jaw on the floor and said, "You didn't tell me there was a parade, too!" I'm pretty much giddy about the magical time she and Sam are going to have.

Month End

The lack of blogging probably explains how the month of October went around here. So much to say. October 8th my dad moved to a nursing home/rehab facility for 90 days to hopefully gain access to a long-term assisted living program. There's a whole lot of blood/sweat/tears behind that story which I hope to record at some point, but for now I will just say that I feel more like myself than I have in months, and that is a very good thing. Things long neglected are starting to get some attention again. The rest of the month has really been a blur. Some of the highlights include Sam getting tubes, some gorgeous fall weather, food preservation via home made marinara, "sun" dried tomatoes, and apple sauce (with probably a few more batches of apple sauce and maybe one last batch of roasted tomato soup in my future), Charlie waving for the past few weeks and just today learning to clap, cooking classes, baby showers, time with friends, and lots more goodness. Be back soon. I have a lot to catch up on.

A Good Woman

"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently." -Julie Beck

I came across this quote this morning which I've loved since Sister Beck shared it at the last General Conference. The phrase "her heart yearns to do" leapt off the page. That's the current struggle I'm having. My heart yearns to do so many things- acts of service like meals for families with new babies and tending kids for people to attend the temple and making treats to deliver to my neighbors. My heart yearns to take each of my kids individually for their own quiet afternoon to read and play and bake and talk. My heart yearns for nights in bed talking until all hours with Pat instead of falling asleep from exhaustion as soon as our heads hit the pillow. Those things will come again. But I think it's part of why it's so hard to have my days filled with phone calls and paperwork right now- I yearn for something more and something better. I know where I want my priorities to be, but with other pressing concerns I'm unsure of how to get them there. I have a hard time being a good woman and accepting the fact that I don't have enough resources to do all of what I want to do. It's a hard lesson to learn and I think a hard thing to admit- that we can't do it all. I suppose that right now is helping me learn that reality and become that good woman. At least, I hope so.

Excited to soak up General Conference this weekend and [hopefully] not worry about anything else.

Documentation

I'm at one of those points where I really just need to get it all out for documentation purposes. I'm way too tired tonight to write about everything that's happened over the past several weeks, although I do hope to get to that point. For now, I'll just try to remember today.

7:30- woke up, started breakfast with A and S
7:55- called the home health nurse to leave a message because the dr's office never called back yesterday
7:58- left a message for the home health social worker in response to his text yesterday about when he could come today
8:05-tried to jump in the shower, the phone rang, talked to the dr.'s office
8:10- called the home health nurse back and left another message that I did talk to the dr.'s office
8:15- the home health nurse called back, confirmed appointment to come tomorrow
8:17-got a crying Charlie out of bed, new diaper, playing with A and S
8:25- jumped in the shower
8:35- change Charlie's diaper again (thank you antibiotic ear drops for causing diarrhea)
8:40-dry hair, finish getting ready
8:55-get Charlie dressed, Sam dressed, Addie's hair done, backpacks, teeth brushed
9:05- pack up kids, drop Addie off, drive to Sam's school
9:15-feed Charlie baby food in his car seat while waiting to drop off Sam
9:30-drop off Sam, drive to a skilled nursing facility to check it out
9:50- nurse Charlie before appointment with skilled nursing facility
10:00-10:30-tour facility
10:30-leave feeling more confused than ever- how could such a top rated facility still leave me feeling so depressed? Is this the wrong choice, or just the nature of nursing homes and the nature of this change?
10:45- talk to my brother while driving
11:15-talk to Pat while driving around so I can have a private conversation
11:40-leave a message for the social worker
11:50-drive to pick up Sam
12:00-drive to pick up Addie
12:40-answer the door to find a dear friend and a few moments of happiness, only to be on the interrupted by a call from the social worker
1:00-start making lunch for everyone
1:30- get lunch finished,
1:45-nurse Charlie and get him down for a nap
2:00-Sam breaks the neighbor's tree, march him down to apologize, wonder how many more neighbors we can alienate after Addie informs our middle-aged male neighbor she's not allowed to play at his yard right now
2:15-call independent living facilities to find out price quotes, amenities, etc.
3:00-social worker shows up, meet with him and my dad discussing different independent living versus skilled nursing options
4:00-social worker leaves, get Charlie out of bed
4:10- call back marketing person from skilled nursing facility this morning about some insurance issues
4:15- Charlie and Sam are playing, Charlie pulls a cord that shouldn't have been plugged in where it was and breaks a lamp, start cleaning up glass, decide to vacuum more while it's already out
4:30-call to set up neuropsych assessment for my dad, get told to call another number, leave a message
4:45-call Pat to determine his ETA, decide I'm not making dinner
5:15- head to chick-fil-a to pick up dinner
5:30-talk to psychologist, he doesn't take the insurance and can't do the neuropsych assessment
5:45- eat, feed Charlie about 3 dinners since he can't stop
6:15-start scripture reading
6:20-occupational therapist arrives
6:22-keep reading
6:25- take Sam to the potty
6:30-keep reading
6:35-Pat arrives home
6:40- finish reading
6:45- answer the phone and talk to a friend for 5 minutes, get kids in jammies, attempt to nurse Charlie but the kids are in and out too much
6:55- leave for relief society presidency meeting
8:35- arrive home, talk to Pat, decompress, raid the house for treats to feed my need for emotional eating, look up more potential people to do the neuropsych evaluation, talk to my brother, wonder how I'm holding it together
10:30- head to bed

Add to the mix a 3 year old who needs his mom and is acting out because of it, a 5 year old who has had moods today on both ends of the spectrum from a note saying "I haet my huos" to beautiful flower pictures saying "I love my mom", and an almost 10 month old with ear tubes draining, diarrhea from antibiotic ear drops, teething and a face covered in white specks of paint from deciding to chew on his crib today, and a bottomless appetite, and a me who wasn't as patient or loving as kind to any of those three as she wishes. Things feel almost as hard right now as they did at the beginning of when my dad came to live with us. I think it's because we're pushing toward a potential finish line of getting him moved into a different situation, but it's seriously a full time job right now.
I am blessed. I know that. I had some good quiet moments while driving today. Moments of prayer and peace. I'm not trying to document today to complain, but I do want to be able to remember how things are right now, if for no other reason than to say "I can't believe I did that" or "Those days were hard" or "I'm grateful I'm in a different place now". Off to bed so I can do it all again tomorrow.

Five on Friday

1. For the past almost two weeks I've been doing this new diet thing. It's called high carb eating, and it consists of eating all the things we haven't been since my dad has been living with us. Since he's been at a skilled nursing facility for the past 10 days I've made risotto and pasta dishes and anything else I could think of that had been on hiatus for the past 7 months. He's coming home this morning, so I suppose this diet comes to an end today, and really not a moment too soon with the waistline expansion I'm starting to notice.

2. As much as I was dreading the close of summer and the start of school, having a routine and a little structure back has been really nice. Seeing how much my kids are loving school has made things a whole lot easier. There's something wonderful about seeing them enjoy a pursuit they're involved in, be it building a block tower or playing in the sandbox or going to school. Sam's teachers are in love with his happy personality, and Addie comes home daily telling me about a new friend she's made. I'm a proud mom right now.

3. I'm seriously contemplating giving up tv watching. Not that I watch a lot to start with, but I keep thinking of ways I can have more time for things that feel neglected in my life or things that I'm wanting to start (exercise, reading, quilting, and family history to name a few), I'm hoping that by not getting into any of my former shows again since they haven't started yet this season, maybe I can avoid the tv trap and make something of myself. Not that you can't make something of yourself and watch tv, I just know I can't seem to do both. We'll see how long this lasts.

4. Tomatoes out back are making me happy right now. I'm hoping it stays warm enough to let the rest of my green tomatoes turn red, but in the mean time I think a BLT is definitely on the weekend agenda. I ate one everyday for lunch when pregnant with Addie. It probably explains her love for tomatoes. Maybe she'll have a BLT with me this weekend.

5. Speaking of weekend fun, tonight I'm headed to the local football game. Pat's dad used to be the principal at the high school and is being inducted into the high school hall of fame tonight. Some sort of pre-game dinner and a presentation before kick off are on the agenda. Maybe we'll even stay for the first half if the kids are holding up.

Hope your weekend is full of the last bits of summer like vine-ripe tomatoes and a little fall welcome like enjoying some football. Have a happy one!

Resolve

Tomorrow I will exercise because I ate too many cookies tonight.

Tomorrow I will eat healthy food and try to kick this cold to the curb once and for all.

Tomorrow I will organize a closet.

Tomorrow I will enjoy my kids all day long, even at bed time when I'm really ready for the day to be over.

Tomorrow I will visit my dad.

Tomorrow I will set aside time to read and pray and be quiet.

If I put it in writing, hopefully I'll stick to it, right?

Honesty

Sam's prayers over the past week have sounded something like this.

"Please bless that Dad can tickle Addie."

"Please bless that we can play in our beds instead of sleep in our beds."

"Please bless that I can eat more treats."

Honesty is indeed always the best policy. Or in this case at least, it's always good for a laugh.

Who, Me?

Yes, little ol' me is posting over at Sherbet Blossom this month. I'm thrilled that Hannah's having me over to share my favorites in her new series. I'm hopeful that I'll have my new project ready to go before the month is over. I realize those of you who know me well know that the thought that I have anything to offer on topics like beauty or fashion is kind of hilarious, but I'm having fun anyway. Hope you'll stop over every Friday in September!

Firsts

Tuesday was Sam's first day of preschool. Wednesday was Addie's first day of kindergarten. Today was the first day of both of them being gone at the same time. Sam had a great first day. He loves Miss Jeanna. He loves Miss Heather, and even told her today that he wanted to make letters with the play-doh they were working with to say "I love Miss Heather." He loves getting a treat at the end of class, because if there is one thing that motivates that kid it's sugar, much to my chagrin. I think he's going to have a great year. Addie had a great first day, too. I cried leaving her assessment last week, so I was worried about falling apart at the drop-off, but I held it together with only a few choked up moments. Her enthusiasm was contagious, it was hard not to be excited for her. She couldn't stop talking after school about who she met and her classroom and her cubby and all of the wonderful things about school. She's most excited about the weekly visit to the school library. Her request for yesterday was to have some girl time, and Pat was not feeling well and working from home, so the boys went down for naps and we went shoe shopping and picked up some supplies for her classroom. She's seeming so much more grown up lately, so ready for this new stage of life. I think she's going to have a great year. Addie and Sam have been so cute together lately, especially building up to these first days of school. Addie has been the one in the know, filling Sam in on all the secrets of preschool. I've caught they having a few variations of the following conversation.
S: "Addie, I will miss you while you are at school."
A: "It's ok, Sam, because I will only be gone a few hours, and on some days you'll be at preschool, and then I'll come home and we'll play together."
S: "But I will still miss you."
A: " I will miss you, too, but we will play again soon."
They've become best friends lately, and although they have plenty of fights, they really have come to rely on each other and enjoy being their best playmates. Some of the things I've complained about like their shared room or the lack of neighbor kids really have had some positive outcomes in cementing these two together. I love the pictures of them together on their first days of school, supporting each other.

*****************************

Several months ago when my dad seemed to still be improving and we were hoping for some sort of finish line to cross in taking care of him, I started to think that it would be perfect if we could just get things in order for him to be on his own again by the time school started. I really wanted to be able to make this transition with my kids and to focus on them more than I've had the luxury to with everything else going on in my life. Then I started praying that things would work out with my dad so that I could focus on my kids when school started. I had given up hope of that prayer being answered with the latest events- realizations that his cognitive abilities don't seem safe enough for independence, a few falls, and progress coming to a screeching halt. Then last Friday Pat and I were getting ready to go out and celebrate his birthday when my dad took a fall into a picture frame, and our Friday night date turned into a night spent at the ER with my dad and his head full of glass. He ended up being admitted, and then they discovered his blood pressure was dropping 30 to 60 points every time he went from laying down to standing up. He remained in the hospital for several days while they pinpointed the problem. On Tuesday he was released from the hospital to a skilled nursing facility where he's expected to stay for about a week. Then the hope is that he'll come home and have home health. This experience has been a blessing- the first time we'll finally have access to a social worker, home health, and some of the resources we've been needing since he came to live with us over 7 months ago. It's the first time I've really had a break, as awful as that may sound. I feel at home in my own home again, and it feels nice. And although it was unexpectedly, my prayers to focus on my kids at the start of school were most definitely answered. But answered prayers are most definitely, and gratefully, not a first.

Thoughts on a Thursday

I've had way too many things that have been in my head but haven't been recorded. Since last posting I've really worked on this whole soaking up the last bits of summer thing. We've had friends over for lunch a couple of times. We've thrown a back to school bash (hopefully more details to come). We've splashed in splash pads several times. We've had our plans changed by serious summer storms. Addie and I have had some one on one time with talks about getting married and kissing and all sorts of things I don't feel quite ready for and can't believe I'm discussing with this remarkable girl. Sam has been seriously motivated by the prospects of preschool turning him into a fully potty-trained individual overnight. Charlie has started sleeping through the night (knock on wood that he continues). And he got tubes. And he's crawling everywhere and pulling up on everything and swallowed a pea-sized Polly Pocket camera this afternoon. Pat turned 32 today. The boy is stressed, which is not his usual way of being, so I'm hoping a little birthday fun will take his mind off the pressures he's facing right now. And by fun, I mean that Chick-fil-a is opening here today and that's what the kids want to do, accompanied by a trip to Sam's preschool open house. But a few gifts might take his mind off things, I suppose. I'm still really weepy about the start of school. Really weepy. But, a good weekend full of fun will hopefully leave me with few regrets about how we spent our last summer with no kids in school. Maybe a trip to the movie theatre or the bowling alley or miniature golfing or up the canyon that evening. So many possibilities that we never got to this summer. I'm taking time in the middle of the day to attend a cooking class on knife skills (a long overdue birthday present to my mother-in-law and sister-in-law=a day of girly fun). I'm hoping that maybe before then we can swing in to Shabby Apple's garden party, but getting there at the end of the party probably will mean slim pickings. Do I dare make the trek to SLC multiple times in one day? The garden party would most definitely be worth it. Decisions, decisions. Hope the end of summer is treating you well. Hope to be starting a new exciting project that's been spinning around in my head for a while. Hope to be back to a regular schedule of recording my thoughts around here soon.

What I've been up to...

Obviously blogging isn't on that list, but I don't want to forget what has been filling my time. I've been busy...

-going to way too many doctor visits, which will hopefully be tapering off now that Charlie's scheduled for ear tubes a week from tomorrow. I'm ready for no more ear infections for a long time!
-celebrating Pat's dad's 70th birthday last weekend with a big surprise party and a whole lot of family togetherness. Chrissy and I put together a slide show full of grand kid pics and sentimental feelings. I'm so grateful for such a great man in our family and it was fun to have so many family and friends around for the occasion.
-loving my new and improved Carolina pulled pork methods. We shortened the smoking time by an hour and the cook time by several hours and still had excellent results, making this a more do-able recipe because we don't have to plan ahead quite as much. We tried it out last weekend for one of the family gatherings and now I can't wait to make it again!
-shopping for back to school. We went to the outlets on Monday and found a few cute things for Addie. I'm still really struggling with the fact that she's going to school but trying to do fun things to get ready to help distract me.
-cleaning up mess after mess after mess after mess created by Sam. I'm just spinning my wheels all day never really accomplishing much because I'm always a step behind this boy. Much time is also spent carding my doors open because he's on a kick to lock them and then pull them closed, making it really inconvenient to do a whole lot.
-trying to create order in my bedroom since we moved Charlie into our closet. It's a big enough walk in that his crib fits ok, and considering I haven't had a full night's sleep for 8+months, I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Sometime in the next few nights will hopefully bring uninterrupted sleep.
-digging in my heels in disbelief that August is half over and that summer is drawing to a close. I had high hopes for what this summer might hold. There have been nothing but glimpses of what I was hoping would be regularly occurring. The next 2 weeks we're going to be pretty busy doing nothing, because the long, lazy summer days spent with swimsuits on and high rates of popsicle consumption and forgetting about everything but playing haven't really happened, and we'd better fit in a few of those before school starts.

Pretend it's Tuesday...or a post a few days late

(images via from our wedding day)

When Pat and I were dating I could often be heard telling my room mates, "Pat is great!" "Isn't Pat so great?!?" "He's just so great." I honestly didn't know how right I was. Our 8th anniversary was Tuesday. And if my friends wouldn't find it totally obnoxious I'd still go around on a regular basis telling them how great he is. The last 8 years have been wonderful, but even the last 8 months have taken us to a new place. Adversity can bring a couple closer together or tear them apart, and I am grateful everyday that we've experienced the former. I can't think of many husbands who would taken on what he's taken on. I was having a conversation this week when it was brought up that not only has he taken this on, but he's done it without complaint. He's worked hard and followed through and been my biggest supporter, my voice of reason, my most trusted confidante through it all. Tuesday night I said one of the most thankful prayers I can remember, rejoicing in the blessings I've gained because of my marriage. Truly, every good thing that has happened over the last 8 years is a direct result of my decision to marry Patrick. I have a feeling 8 is going to be great. Just like Pat.

Fives

(image)

Five reasons I haven't blogged lately:
1. a 5 day bout with the stomach flu
2. a quick trip (more on that later)
3. Charlie's ear infections that won't go away and are accompanied by more late night waking than usual leading to a whole lot of tired
4. the laundry monster is currently winning at my house (about 6 loads worth that either need folded and/or put away, but at least it's all clean)
5. hot summer days

Five things I've done today:
1. took all 3 kids to the doctor to confirm that yes, Charlie's ears are still infected
2. listened to one too many arguments prompting me to put Addie and Sam down for naps around 1 and everyone to fall asleep sometime around 2:30 and everyone to wake up around 5:30
3. I was included in that 2:30 to 5:30 sleep and it was probably the most blessed event of the day
4. ate Kneader's for dinner because I slept until 5:30
5. unpacked the suitcase from our weekend excursion and caught up the laundry

Five things happening this week:
1. a trip to Thanksgiving Point- we haven't gone for a couple of weeks and I'm excited to go with the kids
2. an anniversary celebration tomorrow (more on that later)
3. cooking group Wednesday with an assignment to bring my favorite cool summer treat/ice cream- can't wait to pull out the ice cream maker
4. help with a funeral Friday
5. soaking up the last week of July and digging my heels in because that means it's almost August and almost school and I'm just not ready for that

Five things I'm hoping to blog about soon:
1. Six months of my dad living with us
2. Eight years of marriage
3. Finishing our basement
4. Our trip to Idaho for my 10 year high school reunion
5. The latest recipes I've been loving

Hoping to be back soon.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Summer has taken over and I'm not minding a bit. Bedtimes are stretched a little later a few nights a week, play dates are happening more frequently, popsicles are eaten one after another, and I'm soaking it all up. In all reality, I'd be just fine if this summer never ended, because I'm really not ready for Addie to start kindergarten at the end of the summer.

2. Things have reached a plateau with my dad's recovery. We're trying to explore some new options with things for him to do, which means more phone calls and appointments and leg work over the next while to get things going. More to come on this I'm sure.

3. Charlie weighs 22 pounds. He also has 2 ear infections. He is also too cute. But lately he's been too crabby. Hoping antibiotics take him back to my joyful baby soon.

4. Sam wanted someone to come watch him eat a couple days ago because he dawdled during breakfast and everyone else was done. I told him I was sorry that he'd missed the chance and he'd have to eat by himself. That answer wasn't satisfactory and he kept pressing for someone to come sit with him. I told him the angels would have to sit with him because no one else was going to. Now he keeps talking about his angels all the time. Not sure what I created here...

5. Addie woke up yesterday with the stomach flu. Not my favorite way to wake up at 4 am. She was a trooper and stopped throwing up yesterday morning. Today she's still been fevered, but has seemed much better. I'm crossing my fingers that no one else shares in the stomach flu fun.

6. Next week is my 10 year high school reunion. I go back and forth between being super excited and practically breaking out in hives. I realized that I haven't even thought about what to wear yet. It sounds like things are casual dress. I thought I'd buy a new dress, but hearing about a casual dress code makes me not want to be overdressed. Maybe dressier jeans with heels and a great top? Do weigh in, if you have thoughts on the matter.

7. Last week I had the chance to go to girls camp for an evening. We tie-dyed. I'm not sure I remember the last time I tie-dyed. I left my shirt at camp to dry, and I realized today I haven't gotten it back yet. I can't wait to see how it turned out! The excitement I have about seeing my tie-dyed shirt tells me that I may have hit a new low.

8. Pat's brother built a new house. One of the things he wanted to hang on the walls was "art" created by all the families. Over the weekend we pulled out the canvases and paint and finally finished up this project. I was a little disappointed that my original vision didn't turn out as planned. I was thrilled that it made me remember how much I enjoy painting. It was my favorite thing in middle school. Art class was required every year instead of something we opted into, and I loved it. I may go pick up a few canvases for myself. Even if they're hideous, there's something very relaxing to me about this process of creating.

9. Our new dishwasher was installed last Friday, and I am in heaven. So much room! So quiet! Gets things so clean! Should I do an infomercial?

10. Contemplating a yard sale. My house is full of things I don't use or don't need. I was hoping to have it this weekend, but don't think I'll be ready in time. Any good tips? Any local friends want to turn this into a multi-family event? Let me know.

Three in a row

Last Wednesday Sam woke up and came and cuddled with me in bed for a few minutes. He kissed on Charlie and was his happy normal self. Then it came time for his morning bladder-emptying and he was screaming in pain, crying and rocking back and forth and just pitiful. The boy who recovered from his tonsillectomy with little to no pain meds was a mess every time he had to pee, and it was happening often. I made an appointment for him, called Pat's dad to sit with Addie and Sam, and took him to the doctor around 11. I managed to catch some pee earlier and hoped that the sample would suffice because I knew it may be a difficult process. It had been too long since that sample, so we spent about half an hour in the bathroom at the doctor's office with no luck. I took him back to the exam room where he promptly fell asleep on my lap. When we got there his temp was 99, when we left it was 101. He was examined, but they couldn't really do much without a urine sample so they sent us home with a cup and instructions to race back within half an hour with said sample. The whole way home he was trying to fall asleep and I was trying to keep him awake while listening to him ask for his bed over and over. He fell asleep as soon as we got inside and woke up around 2:30 screaming because he'd started to wet his pull-up. I knew this was my chance for a sample, but I also wanted to get some motrin in him. I ran for the motrin and came back to an accident. He then started vomiting and I knew any chance for a sample was gone at this point. He fell back to sleep and I started to worry. The doctor's office wanted to do a catheter for the sample if we didn't manage to get one. He continued to sleep and vomit and started to hallucinate at one point, telling me about a squirrel taking his carrot and wouldn't I please go get it. I called Pat to come home and we took Sam back to the doctor for the catheter. He was so dehydrated at this point that the catheter didn't produce a sample either, so we returned home with a bag fastened to Sam to collect a sample and instructions to push fluids. They let us know that popsicles might be a good way to get some fluids in him, so he agreed to drink water and had 3 otter pops. Had I known what would happen next I may have strayed from the otter pops. We got a sample and raced back to the office, and since we were after-hours at this point the on-call doctor got on the phone. He was a little alarmed by some of the numbers from the urinalysis and wanted us to go the hospital for some lab work. His glucose levels were one concerning number and they wanted to test for diabetes. I disclosed his otter pop consumption, but the doctor didn't think it would lead to numbers that high. The lab was closed, so his blood was drawn in the ER. This involved him vomiting (lovely popsicle colors prompting the tech to ask if he'd eaten smurfs), an unsuccessful attempt in one arm leaving lovely bruises, and finally success in the other arm. He tried falling asleep at the hospital while we were waiting and was so happy to get in the car and go home to his bed. As soon as we got home the doctor called again asking us to come right back because his white blood cell count was 28,000 instead of in the normal range of 6,000-14,000. He fell asleep on the way there and opened his eyes when we parked asking if we were home and wanting to go to bed. Sadly, he was there to receive a shot the equivalent dosage of a bag of IV antibiotics. He started vomiting again and had a rough time. Finally about 10 that night he made it to bed, and luckily slept until about 7 the next morning. He was still having pain upon urination, but not as bad, and we were headed to the doctor later that morning. He got another shot, and so did his stuffed monkey, although when the doctor tried to use a pen to give the monkey a shot, Sam looked him right in the eye and said "why are you giving my monkey a shot with a pen?" So sick, but still sharp as a tack, that Sam. He has continued to improve with antibiotics, but all cultures came back negative along with his diabetes test. I'm hopeful that this is really over and not being masked by the antibiotics, whatever it was. This poor boy had his tonsils out in April. In May he broke his leg. He managed to squeeze in this mystery illness the last day of June. I'm hoping since it lingered into July he's filled his quote for this month as well. I'm ready for some healthy months ahead!

A Sunday Lesson

Today Addie went to primary. When she got there, her teacher wasn't there. She'd run home to look for a puzzle she'd planned for the kids to do that she couldn't find. She told me she'd taken everything out of her bag, but didn't see it. Her granddaughter took everything out of her bag and also couldn't find it. She went home to look for it and it wasn't there. She returned to primary and told the kids what had happened and why she was late. When they went to class, Addie said the opening prayer. She prayed that her teacher would be able to find the puzzle so they could do it another time. After the prayer, her teacher pulled out her lesson, and along with it came the puzzle. Her excitement over this blessing was something I hope to never forget. Today Addie learned about prayer.

Knocking My Socks Off

So, remember how we were having family pictures? I stressed. I cleaned. I did some projects. I cleaned. I stressed. I shopped. I cut my finger while trimming flowers (you can see the band-aid in some of the pictures). I wanted to prepare, because I knew they'd be amazing, and I wanted to do my part to aid in the amazing-ness. I was right. They.are.amazing. Thanks, Melissa. You totally rocked my world. I have no idea how I'm going to choose, or how I'm going to pay for everything because I simply can't.

The Felt Family from Melissa Englebright on Vimeo.

On Father's Day

This picture is pretty terrible. Pat looks kind of funny- it's a bad angle for him and he's definitely not smiling naturally. Addie looks scared of something. What you can see of Sam's face isn't half bad, but his face is less than half there. This was probably taken on a Saturday by Pat's outstretched arm since I don't remember taking it. I love it because Addie and Sam are right there with Pat, just like they always are when he's home (and I'm sure as soon as Charlie's mobile, he'll be there, too). I love it because Pat lets them be right there with him when he's home, excited to let them work along side him as he delves into another project, excited to play with them and read to them and make them laugh and teach them truth. I love it because this man is one amazing dad. He was scared to death when we had Addie. As the youngest in his family, he didn't have a lot of experience with little kids. He doubted his abilities to care for them. I never did. I always knew he'd be great. He has exceeded my expectations. I am so grateful to have him. Happy Father's Day, Dear.

A Perfect Day

Yesterday was my birthday. Twenty-eight and feeling great, I must say. I can't remember a day that's been so nice in quite a while. I woke up with my kids all wanting to cuddle in my bed and giving birthday wishes. Sam declared he'd like to give me a guitar for my present so I could play him rock and roll songs. I asked him if he'd poop in the potty for my birthday present. He kept telling me that wasn't a present. I beg to differ.

I was feeding Charlie and the phone rang. After we were done, I checked the message and had the phone call I've been waiting for. It was the social security office telling me my dad's disability had been approved. The night before I'd been praying for an answer on this very subject. My Heavenly Father gave me the best birthday present ever. His timing is incredible. What a gift, and a reminder that I have a loving Father who knows me personally and loves me dearly and is there for me when I need Him most.

This set the stage for the rest of my perfect day. We had our first ripe strawberry from our (struggling) garden, and the kids and I each took a tiny bite so we could all have a taste of summer. I got ready for the day and while drying my hair the door rang with a cute little boy being the messenger for his aunt delivering delicious birthday treats. I got the mail and had a totally unexpected and awesome package from a friend. My mom came to town surprise me for my birthday (although she kind of blew the surprise), so I picked her up after she'd had lunch with friends and we took the kids to In-N-Out. Fine birthday fare, I must say. On to The Rack to make a return, and I found some cute shoes for the kids. We ran a few other errands including a trip to Sonic during happy hour to quench our thirst in the heat of the day.

We came home and hung out and I read my newly arrived issue of Real Simple while she did my dishes (yes, still no new dishwasher). She brought a cute candy-gram and gift from my brother and sister-in-law, and she gave me an adorable shirt. I made dinner and then we headed over to Matt and Chrissy's for cake and presents with Pat's fam. Texas sheet cake and delicious carrot cake awaited, and my gifts were perfect. I ended the night with friends watching The Bachelorette (my first episode this season, but man that show can suck me right in- so bad it's good).

I felt so spoiled and loved from all directions. I felt so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. Pat and I are going out Friday night to celebrate, and I can't wait to have some quality time with him. We've been like ships passing lately with his crazy work hours and my calling, so I'm excited to have a night out together!

Fifteen on Friday

1. This week our dishwasher broke. It was filled with standing water when the cycle was complete. We bailed out the stinky water but when attempting to take it apart to repair it, we knew we'd break it getting the cheap plastic pieces out, so that was the end of that. We've never loved this dishwasher, although it's the first one we've owned since getting married. I'm excited to have a new, quiet model that actually cleans dishes. I'm not excited about the unexpected expense. Living without a dishwasher when preparing food all day for six people really feels like roughing it- a testament to just how spoiled I am by modern conveniences, I suppose. Feel free to share your appliance recommendations.

2. Sam's cast is off, but his walking is frustrating. He was honestly getting around a lot better with the cast on. I'm sure it's a big adjustment to walk normally again, but I'm tired of hauling around 30 pounds of 3 year old and 20 something pounds of 6 month old.

3. I thought I'd been getting stuff done all week, but the busy-ness of this weekend has descended upon me and I'm a little surprised at all I still have left to do. So glad Pat's home tomorrow so I have a prayer of getting things done.

4. Tonight I finally hung some family pictures. I can't tell you how excited this makes me. I'd like to thank 3M, Ikea, Target, and all family photographers over the last 5 years for making it happen.
5. Addie and I have high hopes of making this project together. I was hoping for a pennant style bunting, but she had her hopes set on this scalloped edge. We've already picked out fabric from my stash and I'm excited with our choices. With tomorrow's to-do's I don't know if we'll finish before our pictures Saturday, but I'm going to try. And I may call in reinforcements via Pat's mom to sew with me.

6. Summer is soothing my soul, I must say. Being outside more has been fantastic, and regularly scheduled fun is helping me shake off some of the stress that's been brewing for a while.

7. Speaking of summer, I'm having a hard time figuring out what I really want to get out of it. I want my kids to learn to work, and summer seems to be just the time for projects and chores and that kind of thing. At the same time I want summer to be relaxing and fun-filled and lazy. Pondering how to find a balance- feel free to share your thoughts on the subject.

8. I'm itching for a yard sale. The amount of stuff that has accumulated has got to go. Some extra pocket change would be nice, and then what's left is still going- straight to D.I.
9. Relief Society meeting is scheduled for next week. A trip to Xpedx is on the weekend agenda for adorable picnic supplies. The details are so fun. Maybe something adorable like this on top of our brown paper bags filled with picnic dinner?

10. I went to a fab Relief Society class on yeast this week. Excited to try a new pizza crust recipe which I very much enjoyed eating last night. When home made pizza tastes that good, there's really no need to buy it again.

11. My garden died. Or so I thought. Darn the cold weather that's plagued us this spring. I think my tomato plants may just be Lazarus. The leaves are still brown, but the stalk has been greening up. I'm not replanting tomatoes until I'm sure what's going to happen. Peppers, squash, and zucchini, are all gone for good, I'm sure.

12. Let it be known that on Thursday, June 10th, all 3 children napped. Some of it was at the same time. And there was much rejoicing.

13. The swing set is complete! Ground should all be ready soon to be prepped for rubber mulch, and then curbing, and then done. The kids are loving their new hideout, and I can't wait to have one more project crossed off the list. Hopefully then the rest of the yard can get some much needed attention.

14. We've been pulling out the summer recipes lately and I can't get enough. I love meals that feel so seasonal. I made my first batch of potato salad of the season, and it totally hit the spot. Berries are making their way to the table at most meals. Love!

15. Hope this weekend is filled with awesomeness for you! Wedding reception, house projects, family pictures, and a birthday party will keep us plenty busy.

Sweet Freedom

Let's talk about how excited I am that Sam gets his cast off tomorrow. May 17th was a bad day. Seriously bad. I had one of the hardest conversations of my life and it did not go well. It sent me reeling. Finally we got the kids to bed and Pat and I went to the garage to chat and tighten Addie's bike handlebars. My dad came out and said he thought Sam fell. We raced in to find him crying, but he calmed down and went to sleep. He'd slipped and fallen while trying to climb the bunk bed ladder. The next morning he came crawling out, but was happy. He proceeded to not put weight on it all morning, so we went to the doctor. I figured it was just to make sure, but doubted the possibility of a break. We got x-rays and headed home with the directions that they'd call if we needed to come back in. I heard from them after the lunch break with the news that Sam had a buckle fracture at the bottom of his tibia. So May 17th was topped off by Sam breaking his leg, although we didn't find out until the next day. Sam was a trooper getting his splint, and then three days later his cast. He's been running around and hasn't let the cast slow him down. But I think it's worn him out to lug it around. He fell asleep at the dinner table on day one with his cast. When he got his cast, the doctor found that Sam had another ear infection. He's been on antibiotics since, and I'm crossing my fingers that when we go in tomorrow he'll be ear infection free. Sadly, I don't think he is. Tubes, round two, here we come. But at least we'll be cast free!

Happy Half Birthday!

Today my baby is 6 months. Charlie is truly the sweetest. He's currently finding his voice and I can't get enough of those cute happy noises. He's currently loving his toes and I love that the most entertaining things are indeed free. He's currently adjusting to solids with sweet potatoes and is an eager eater, and I remember how much I love making baby food but don't love the messy ritual of feeding a baby. He loves his binky, and he loves his fingers if his binky isn't around. He lights up when Sam or Addie show him any sort of attention. He blows raspberries and giggles when I blow them back. He has a little bleating laugh, my own little lamb. He is laid back and loves life. He is my gentle giant. He has been my solitude over the last 6 months, reminding me to sit down and rest as I feed him or rock him. He has brought happiness with easy smiles that I can't help but return with a smile of my own. He has brought reminders of my own beginnings, straight from a loving Father. Happy 6 months, Charlie boy. I can't imagine living the last 6 months without you.

Random Monday

-Despite the snow we woke up to, it's been a good day.
-I started by calling Pat's dad to figure out what precautions I may need to take for my fledgling tomato plants. He showed up with some sort of covers. I may just need to replant.
-The television has been off all day. The only media watched was the Good Morning song from Singing in the Rain via YouTube.
-Addie hasn't had any major meltdowns today. I think the tv needs to be off more permanently.
-The kids helped me dust. I cleaned toilets. I'm in a cleaning, decorating frenzy getting my house ready for our "day in the life" session by Melissa.
-I don't know if I'm more excited to get our pictures taken by her or just to see her since it's been a year!
-I learned today that warm vinegar works like goo-gone. No more sticker adhesive covering the bunk beds made me happy.
-I got a package containing 3 great lullaby cds from a giveaway won. I knew they'd be good, but they're more than good. They're the perfect peaceful compilations.
-Maybe the fact that they've been playing a lot today is what drove Sam to fall asleep on my lap at 5:00.
-I'm using the other half of the double batch of chili I made a few weeks ago for tonight's dinner. It's chili weather. And I didn't have to do a whole lot for dinner. Win-win.
-While in the cleaning/decorating frenzy, I started cleaning out my closet over the weekend. I removed almost everything ill-fitting. There's not much left.
-I'm needing to do some clothes shopping in a serious way. Family pictures, 10 year high school reunion this summer, and did I mention I'm attending this fun event this weekend? My friend Cathy won tickets and is kind enough to take me with her. I'm really excited. And a tad nervous. And I have nothing to wear.

Things that last

After a weekend (most of the day Friday and ALL day Saturday) spent working on our new awesome swingset (and only getting to step 12 out of 40 something) I was thinking we should cut our losses and pay someone to help complete the project. Pat quickly shot down that idea. When questioned why he didn't just want to get it done sooner, he gave the following response that reminded me why I'm so glad I married him.

"I build a lot of things. I built networks for 65,000+ people. Now I build networks for 4,000+ people. I build a mail server. But this is something I will build that will directly impact our children. I can't say that about very many things, so I want to do it."

It may not be done for a while, but I'm so glad that he's doing it.

I'm Currently...

-looking forward to dinner (salmon, red potatoes, asparagus, and carrots)

-trying to organize my notes for my Relief Society meeting tonight

-listening to Charlie's squeals egged on by Sam with The Brady Bunch playing in the background

-avoiding Mt. Laundry that has taken over my bedroom

-resisting some chocolate soy milk purchased at Costco today since I've already had some

-stamping some envelopes full of paperwork for my dad after completing a whole lot yesterday (with unfortunately a whole lot still to go)

-needing a nap since both my boys have kept me awake for a few hours in the middle of the night the past two nights in a row

-reviewing my to do lists and wishing they weren't so long

-waiting for Pat to get home- such a highlight to my day!

-wearing a smaller pair of pants than I've fit into in a while- hooray!

-enjoying my day

Five on Friday

1. Addie is dealing with drama at school, namely being purposefully excluded by a little queen bee (or so says her sweet assistant teacher who pulled me aside on Wednesday). After hearing the news, I drove her home with tears on my cheeks and tried to not let her see. I'm hoping I can figure out the right way to help her not be bothered by it and give her tools to help her feel empowered. I wish I could scoop her up and protect her from everything bad, but I know that won't help her in the long run, so we'll muddle through these life lessons instead. This parenting gig is hard sometimes.

2. Sam and Charlie are both sick (again!) with colds. Sam threw up at dinner (hopefully an isolated incident) and Charlie isn't sleeping great since he's not breathing great. Crossing my fingers the whole house doesn't get it.

3. I chopped my hair today. I'm now sporting an a-line. After my last cut to a shorter length (still below my chin) I decided I wouldn't cut it any shorter. That plan went out the window today. I think the fact that my postpartum hair loss is in full force makes me not care too much about my hair in general.

4. Monday night brought a fun get together with the college friends. We don't get together nearly as often as we should, but it's always a good time had by all.

5. Saving the best for last, this week I received one of the best "surprises" I've had in a long time. Surprise is in quotes because Addie let the cat out of the bag a few hours ahead of time, but it was still a shock and such a sweet gift! Months ago, before our life totally changed, I had planned out a vision for Addie and Sam's new shared room. Gender neutral, lots of fun color, and handmade touches were on the agenda. Those plans never came to fruition, so this week a few of my girls set up a cover to take the kids so Pat and I could go to the temple, and then they came and painted Addie and Sam's room. It.looks.amazing. I keep going in there and admiring the soft blue-green. Cute accessories graced their dresser, the book case looks amazing, and frames are ready for new artwork to be purchased. I am so grateful for the kindness of friends. This is a project that would've been endlessly put off, especially with everything going on right now. Instead three friends made it happen in three hours. Amazing. I can't wait to thank them and return their kindness!

Lessons Learned Along the Way

(image via)

It's been 3 months and 3 days since my dad came to live with us. It has been hard. I wish I could say that I've handled everything with grace and strength and joy. I haven't. I've had moments with those attributes. I've also had moments of craziness and weakness and sorrow. I've found myself complaining lately, wanting an end with none in sight. But I've also had one phrase running through my mind for the past few weeks- "endure it well." I've let myself surrender to the enduring and forgotten about enduring it well. Adding the well part takes a lot more work. I'm trying to move beyond just enduring and back to enduring it well.

Tonight I was reading through some conference talks I missed and came across this talk by President Uchtdorf given at priesthood session. It was one of those talks that was "just for me," or so the saying goes.

"...I learned that patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn’t appear instantly or without effort.

There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

Did I read that right? Enduring well? This must be just for me!

"As the Lord is patient with us, let us be patient with those we serve. Understand that they, like us, are imperfect. They, like us, make mistakes. They, like us, want others to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Never give up on anyone. And that includes not giving up on yourself.

I believe that every one of us, at one time or another, can identify with the servant in Christ’s parable who owed money to the king and who pled with the king, saying, 'Lord, have patience with me.'"

And when he said that, yeah, that was just for me, too.

"Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness.

Patience is a godly attribute that can heal souls, unlock treasures of knowledge and understanding, and transform ordinary men and women into saints and angels. Patience is truly a fruit of the Spirit.

Patience means staying with something until the end. It means delaying immediate gratification for future blessings. It means reining in anger and holding back the unkind word. It means resisting evil, even when it appears to be making others rich.

Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith. It means being “willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.” Ultimately, patience means being “firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord” every hour of every day, even when it is hard to do so. In the words of John the Revelator, “Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and . . . faith [in] Jesus.”

Patience is a process of perfection. The Savior Himself said that in your patience you possess your souls. Or, to use another translation of the Greek text, in your patience you win mastery of your souls. Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most. This was true in the time of the Savior. It is true in our time as well, for we are commanded in these latter days to 'continue in patience until ye are perfected.'"

And when he said those things, especially those parts that I bolded, I knew that the Lord had spoken to me once again through the voice of one of his servants. And whether it is by His own voice, or the voice of His servants, it is the same. And my heart was full.

I'm heading to bed tonight with gratitude. I know that I am becoming who I need to be through this experience. I know that I will only become who I need to be if I endure it well. I know that Heavenly Father doesn't give us more than we can handle, and as impossible as some of my days feel and as much as I don't always believe it, I can handle this. I am grateful for my trials and for the blessings that far outweigh the unpleasant things. I took time to rock my baby today. I listened to him giggle while he ate his toes. I watched my little girl sing and dance and twirl like only little girls can. I applauded for potty success and bites taken and air guitar solos by my toddler. I watched my dad make progress during therapy. I kissed my husband on my way back to bed from getting a drink while he was working at 4:30 this morning. I am excited to think about the mountains of my future while I'm in my present valley, But I also know without this valley I will never reach the mountains.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Sam's surgery went well. My boy who no longer has tonsils, adenoids, fluid in his ears, or a pesky polyp (caused by a tube that didn't come out quite as it should) is one week post-op and I think has finally turned a corner. We were at the hospital for a long time on the day of surgery because he wouldn't drink enough for us to be able to leave, and he kept falling asleep. Finally he ate half of a popsicle and they let us go home. The child-life specialist was awesome, and Sam woke up at one point asking for "the girl with the toys." For the past week he's woken up 3 to 5 times a night. I'm hoping those days are over. He was back to his more energetic and trouble-making self today. I'm counting that as a good sign.

2. Pat just started training his replacement at work this week. That means hopefully soon he'll be starting the new job he was hired to do in January. He's excited. I'm excited. Same company, different team.

3. We used some of our tax return and bought an awesome swing set at Costco. I think it will be my salvation this summer. But currently, we're ripping up grass (and when I say we, I really mean Pat and his dad). And digging lots of dirt. And considering options for fill. Did you know different materials can prevent brain-damaging falls from different heights? Do I splurge for the more expensive materials that lets my child fall from higher, or gamble they'll never fall from said height and purchase materials that lets them fall a few feet lower. Anxiety, I say. I have shovelled a little. And the kids have been in dirt heaven. Do we really need that swing set, or just a 30'X30' patch of dirt?

4. Charlie is full of smiles. His skin infection turned out to be Strep-D, different from the Strep-A the rest of us had, but some heavy steroid creams and antibiotics have him looking a lot better. He's so close to rolling over- maybe this week.

5. My dad has been improving some. We currently work on word associations and tongue twisters in our free time as some of his speech therapy exercises. Pat read a tongue twisters all about felt and printed it off to hang in his cubicle.

6. Addie shared the following with Pat's dad today: "Guess what, Grandpa. Don't tell my mom. I took a roly-poly and put it on my book shelf. It's my new pet." Pat's dad instructed her to bring it back outside. It took her two trips inside to finally locate said roly-poly and return it to its outdoor home.

7. Last week Addie was the "Dino-mite kid" at school (going along with the year long dinosaur theme). I got to go to her class and do an activity with the kids. We made friendship bracelets, and Addie loved it. I was so glad to get to spend some time with her, especially during a week when so much of the focus was on Sam.

8. Tonight at cooking group I learned that cooking steaks with butter on them is delicious. Not something I'll do regularly, but maybe a few times a year that splurge will definitely be worth it.

9. I received a sweet and unexpected package a few days ago from a friend. Note cards, nail polish, and hand and foot care creams have never been so appreciated. I need to make it a point to send good mail more often. What a treat.

10. Last week was rough. I had a good cry. I had some good time to think. I had a good talk with Pat. And I received a good dose of perspective. With everything going on, things have not been easy. I often have felt like I'm wading through mud, having a hard time with each step and not really getting anywhere. I've pictured myself in mud to my waist, sopping wet with the rain beating down. Pat gave me the most beautiful blessing. Suddenly I realized that even though I might feel like I'm wading through mud, I chose to walk into it. I knew it would be hard and I still did it. And I know I'm going to walk out on the other side, better and stronger and happier. And I'm so blessed to have my sweet family with me through it all.

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

The Good:
-Strep seems to have left the building, coughs are decreasing, and I think the sickies are starting to go away.
-The sun is shining and it's 60 degrees.
-Friends and family are helpful and kind.
-The gospel brings peace.

The Bad:
-My dad had a mini-stroke on Saturday. We spent 6 hours at the hospital. Much of the progress that he's made is gone again. His speech was affected, as well as his balance, and he's lost some of the movement he had regained in his left arm. We're doing all we can to prevent this, but strokes still may continue to happen.
-Charlie had his 4 month check today and has some undetermined (possibly staph) skin infection that has spread through his body, causing his lymph glands to swell and possibly causing the blood in his stool. I'm off dairy again. I have to bathe and lotion the poor boy twice a day. We'll find out culture results on Monday and return to the doctor Monday to see if he's improving.
-Sam's tonsils are coming out on Tuesday. He's on antibiotics until then because he's still got a slight cough going on and they won't do the procedure if he's still coughing. Fingers are crossed we can make it through several more days of antibiotics and the tonsils will go ok.
-Addie got her cavity filled yesterday. They found and filled a second one while they were in there. Pediatric dentistry is the field to go into. All of this was to the tune of $700. Hopefully insurance will pay a chunk, but I'm sure we'll still be left with more than we'd like to be. Seeing her sedated was hilarious and sad all at the same time. The poor girl couldn't stand up, and at one point she asked me if I had two faces. Sedation is funny, but not $700 funny.

The Ugly
-I need a date with my eyebrows.
-Sam decided to rub Addie's pink shiny lip gloss all over his face as eye make-up. It just isn't something you want to see on your little boy.

How We Felt- An Update

Today we felt grateful. Grateful for kind friends who show up and don't take no for an answer and do the least favorite chores. Grateful for kind friends who send e-mails and comments and phone calls and prayers on our behalf. Grateful for family who helps on a moments notice. Grateful for medicine and for health insurance. Grateful for forysthia branches blooming on my counter. Grateful for dry underwear after a 3 hour nap (way to go Sam). Grateful for sleeping children. Grateful for treats from my childhood share by my brother. Grateful for Friday's off. Grateful for a good weekend ahead (conference+Easter=awesome). Grateful.

How We Felt? Really Want to Know?

Today "we" felt tired. And worn out. Today we were called at home by our doctor for the second time this week. After being in to see them twice last week. Today they were checking to see if the strep infection (a result of issues that have been going on since the birth of child #3) that has spread through our entire body (did you know strep isn't just reserved for throats?) has gone away yet. And the answer is a resounding no. Chills and fever started again during the night last night. Luckily we have been on antibiotics long enough to not be contagious. Unluckily, they're not working to kick this crap. Unluckily all the children have been sick (with strep, ear infections, impetigo, and pink eye to name a few), and the husband (with a miserable cold), and now the dad who is thinking he probably has pneumonia (and he is the expert since he gets it pretty much annually). Luckily child #1 is feeling better and has been back to school. Luckily child #2 took a good nap today. Luckily child #3 is a pro at taking his medicine and seems to be doing not too bad. Unluckily we are living in squalor because we are too tired to clean our abode. Luckily we have a brother and sister-in-law coming tomorrow to help out. Unluckily we feel a little embarrassed at the current state of our house and don't want to get the family sick. Unluckily we feel like a total flake on many fronts, not accomplishing much of what we desire to do. Luckily we managed to blog and explain our absence. And if we're really lucky, we'll be feeling better pronto and back to blogging and cleaning and all other life pursuits in a timely manner.