We have a little dog, extremely handsome fellow, and people are always asking us what breed he is. I’m like, “he’s a mutt,” which apparently offends people? I had no idea! It’s just much easier than saying Shar Pei, Beagle, Terrier….. and his father is one of two possible options…

Judging from the gasps, clutching of pearls, and relentless chiding, “don’t call him that,” I’ve either fallen into a vat of pretentious people highly invested in the importance of a pedigree or else “mutt” really is some kind of derogatory term? Near as I can tell, “mutt” actually just means “mongrel,” a dog of no definable breed. It comes from the old English “mingle.” It means our dog’s ancestry involved a whole lot of mingling.

Mingling is good! Nature loves some diversity. Just ask all those royals what happens when you keep it in the family for generations….

Not only is he a mutt, apparently he was one of the last mutts chosen. He’s kind of like the reject mutt, the mutt no one wanted. The last available mutt…

Did I mention he’s a handsome fellow? Very princely and affectionate. Trust me, in this case, “mutt” and “mongrel” are genuine terms of affection, not an insult. I tend to value this dog much more than I value the pretentious opinions of the pedigree people at dog parks who wag their fingers and not their tails at me.

I shouldn’t value this dog more than I value some people. I shouldn’t but if I had to chose between rescuing him and rescuing one of the pedigree people, I’m afraid my entire moral framework would probably implode upon itself.

A bit comical, my husband has watched this mutt conflict go down several times so when someone asks, “what breed is your dog,” he’s taken to interjecting, “he’s an American.” Comically the next question people ask is, “oh really, where did you get him?” They say this because they are busy wracking their brain trying to remember if there actually is a breed called an “American” and how come they’ve never heard of it? The next question is, “was he expensive?” That’s a nosy and invasive question if I’ve ever heard one, but my husband always says, “well, yes,” with no guile at all. I’m sure he’s thinking, he cost us a fortune in dog toys and food alone.

Anyway, none of these photos are of our dog. We have to be very careful and protect his social media presence due to potential dognappers. I’m sure you understand. He’s a rare American breed, very handsome, and we don’t wish to provide needless temptation to potential Cruella De Vils.