ismo

Well, that was an evening that did not go as I expected. As my readers probably know, we've been having some weather around here. But last night, the gym was open, and the Sparrowhawk thought it would be okay to go. I dropped some little nudges about potential difficulties, but they did not chill his confidence, so off he went. He forgot to text me on arrival as he usually does, so this caused me some anxiety. I said to myself "Oh, don't be silly, he just forgot." Then he texted that he was sorry, he forgot, he was on his way home and would arrive shortly. And then my phone announced "CRASH DETECTED" and showed me a map of the area with a little arrow on it. While I was staring at this with dread, Tron called me, because she's the Sparrowhawk's other emergency contact. We had both been notified. I was going back and forth between her call and intermittent pinging from the Sparrowhawk's phone. I heard his voice sounding somewhat shook up, so I knew he wasn't dead. When he was able to make himself understood, he announced that he was okay, the car wasn't, and he would call me back. In the background, I heard the voice of a first responder gently cautioning him that he might feel okay, but should probably go to the ER anyway, because "there was a lot of kinetic energy involved." My heart goes out to that guy, and I would send him candy if I knew his address.

The Sparrowhawk should get credit for crashing in a very good spot. He was at the exit to get off the highway and go home, so right in the middle of downtown, and very near the hospital. Once they had him strapped in, he called me back and told me where he was going. I then called Strawberry Star, and she and Nebraska so kindly came and drove me to the ER! I felt bad for Strawberry Star, because she has been in that ER five times already recently, between her Nebraska and his cancer and heart procedures, and her elderly parents and their emergencies. The Sparrowhawk was already there, and very cranky because he was in a neck brace, which he said was the most uncomfortable thing ever. The ER doctor was extremely nice and competent, and so were all the staff. The Sparrowhawk went off for a CT scan of his head and neck, and Strawberry Star and Nebraska went home, because you don't really know how long these things will take. The accident happened about 8, and it was 9:30 by the time everything was arranged.

ER Doc came back very quickly and said he'd already read the cervical results so he could free the Sparrowhawk from his collar as promised. So his neck was okay. While we waited for the brain scan results, the Sparrowhawk relaxed a bit and was able to explain what happened. Everything was fine until he got on the exit ramp and hit a slippery patch. The car started to fishtail, then went off the road and rolled twice. The Sparrowhawk was upside down in his seatbelt. Kind people pulled over to help him out of the car and put him in their car to keep warm until the first responders arrived. He was able to pick up his hat, his shoe, and his phone as he exited. The car was towed away and I imagine is totaled. We have a tag with the tow lot address and number.

Eventually ER Doc came back and said the radiologists wanted to do an MRI to get a better view of a certain spot. I expected to wait hours, but they took him down almost immediately. The result was that the spot was not a possible bleed, but a meningioma, which is a benign tumor of the meninges. ER DOC claims they don't usually require anything but yearly monitoring to make sure they're not impinging on anything. However, the Sparrowhawk's Parkinson's doctor is a neurologist, so they can discuss this. I don't want him to have ANYTHING, as there is quite enough already, but under the circumstances, it's fine. His brain isn't bleeding, and his skull is intact, so W00T! ER Doc did a double take at the speed of the MRI and its reading. He said it was the fastest one he'd ever seen, and I thought so too. We were going to take a Metrocab, but Strawberry Star wouldn't hear of it. Bless her, she came back and drove us home. We were home by midnight, and I've rarely been so happy to be there.

Our original plan was to go out and get a rental car forthwith, but it snowed another 4-6 inches overnight, and we agreed that neither of us wanted to go anywhere near any driving whatsoever. The news entertained us with pictures of a 30-vehicle crash in an area that is also on the Sparrowhawk's route to the gym. I dug out our porch, sidewalk, and a small path down the driveway before stopping to have a Zoom with Deb and the Prussian. The women's group was going to meet here tonight, but have canceled because of the weather. I have informed Madame's crew that once again I will be unable to visit. I think I'll just keep canceling things for the foreseeable future . . . . Instead I will stay here and meditate with deep gratitude on my good fortune.

A lovely birthday so far. When I woke up, the sun was shining! It's the first time in days, if not weeks. The snow has reached Wayne Thiebaud levels--swags and scallops of perfect white poured over everything, like cupcake frosting. It is ferociously cold, as I learned when I went to excavate my driveway from the plow ridge. As I was digging away, the florist's delivery car pulled up with a gorgeous, colorful bouquet from the kids, with a sweet note and some extra chocolate attached. As soon as the chariot was ready, we drove to our favorite diner to have breakfast--in my case, the so-called Healthy Waffle with a side of ham. We got cake slices to go, for later. And then we had quite an adventure as we tried to carry out our plan of visiting the art museum. Having navigated the snow-encrusted and obstructed streets until we got downtown again, and found a parking spot, we nearly got frostbite just walking from the parking to the museum, only to find a little note on the door saying the museum was closed "due to severe weather." So we had to walk back without even getting to warm up. The Sparrowhawk was nearly frozen and we had to sit in the car with the heater blasting for a few minutes before we could head home. Then we agreed to STAY home and revel in the warmth for the rest of the day. I had calls from friends and family. Then we had candles and shared a slice of carrot cake, and I opened a gift from Queenie. Seventy-five years! I really cannot fathom it, so I will just face forward and keep going. Drive on! as the Colonel would say.

I'm too tired for coherence. My particles are swirling around in a vague cloud, much like snowflakes. I didn't sleep very well, and we both got up extra early so the Sparrowhawk could go and do his money counting. It had been postponed from Monday at 9 to today at 8:30. I shoveled everything for his convenience. Then I flopped on the couch and gratefully enjoyed the hot tea he had left for me. He got home early enough that I could have taken the car and visited Madame, had I been so inclined, but it was snowing again and the streets were slippery, I gave myself a snow day, as I had warned her other friends and family that I might. During another pause in the snow, I shoveled the porch and sidewalk again, for the sake of the mailman. And then I thought "oh, what the heck, I have my boots on" and just re-shoveled the rest of it as well. I added the portion in front of the garage door, in the interests of access.

I put away some laundry. He went out to do a couple of errands. I made spaghetti with meat sauce, and then waited for him to come home, somewhat perturbed by his absence as it started snowing heavily again. It turned out that the delay was caused by difficulties in finding the flowers he wanted to bring me. He brought home a really lovely bouquet with seven red roses and five white ones, and an extra, smaller bunch of flowers because they were trying to get rid of them and had reduced the price.

Today I received a copy of the Burroughs Bibliophile fanzine in the mail, with an interview they did with me long ago when my Dejah Thoris book was first published. I thought they'd forgotten all about me! Kudos to the editor for a very nicely edited and laid out version. Now it remains for me to cringe at my own words and regret the wasted years that I did my best to elide in my commentary.
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste
I seem to be on a Shakespeare jag this week. Alas.

I received notice of the obituary for the wife of my father's cousin. She died recently at the age of 87. I last saw her at my mother's funeral. She sounds like a pretty great person, though she lived out her life in the obscurity of Jersey County, Illinois. She was one of the few remaining elders on the branches of my family tree.

How about a little Thomas Gray for a change?
Let not Ambition mock their useful toil,
Their homely joys, and destiny obscure;
Nor Grandeur hear with a disdainful smile
The short and simple annals of the poor.

The boast of heraldry, the pomp of pow'r,
And all that beauty, all that wealth e'er gave,
Awaits alike th' inevitable hour.
The paths of glory lead but to the grave.

I certainly don't think anyone should mock or disdain a woman who raised eleven children and bore the proud title of Rural Mail Carrier.

It's bitterly cold, and it has been snowing on and off all day, with mean gusts of wind blowing the fallen snow around. This will go on all night as well. I was looking out the window, gloomily contemplating how many layers I should don to go out and shovel, when I saw the heroic Irish wielding his snowblower--and he snowblowered my front walk and the front end of my driveway too! Huzzah! He's the greatest. All that I had left to do was to shovel around the car and brush the snow off it. However, I did not do this. We had no plans to go anywhere, and we did not in fact go anywhere. I'm sure there will be plenty of shoveling to do tomorrow. Coach canceled the Sparrowhawk's gym for tonight, and the other money counters canceled this morning's efforts, because they come from farther away and had no wish to drive in this stuff.

I had my usual chat with Queenie, who reports that it snowed in the Florida panhandle and was very cold where she lives as well. She and the Fireman were not working at the cold shelter, because she had to get a nasty skin infection treated, and didn't want to work in the homeless shelter with an open wound that might be MRSA. The Fireman's son, Fireman Jr., who is a fire chief like his father and grandfather, was at a fire yesterday and fell partway through the floor. Fortunately, he was able to arrest his fall, and got away with only some second-degree burns. He was sent home to take a rest. Severely cold weather is some of the worst for house fires.

The rest of the day was devoted to laundry and fixing some hot supper using only available materials. This turned out to be chicken corn chowder and a pan of sausage and sauerkraut. The chowder had a lot of remaindered vegetables in it. I also had a pleasant Zoom with Moonmoth and the Nonesuch. We did have a portion of the agenda devoted to organ recital, but we flatter ourselves that OUR organ recital is much more witty and amusing than those of other people. I enjoyed staying home all the more as the weather channels regaled me with drone views of a 100+ vehicle crash that closed down 196 in both directions. This included many semis. I ask myself, what is it about STAY OFF THE HIGHWAY that people don't understand? The news informed us that people were taken in buses to a nearby high school to shelter and to be able to call for a ride. Shaking my head and wondering how this ride is going to get there. I hope they are all in some safe and warm place tonight. The highway is still closed.

It's been a busy few days. My visit to Madame went all right. I brought her coffee and cake. She tried to get out of her chair at one point, and it was very difficult. I do most of the talking now, because she doesn't remember current events well enough to say anything about them. Sometimes I can get her started on events of the distant past, and then she'll tell me some stories. Wednesday night, the Sparrowhawk was getting ready to go to the gym, but Coach canceled it. The snow didn't seem too bad here, but some of the people come from the lakeshore, and it was pretty slick out there. I stayed up a little bit late on Wednesday making the chicken pot pie filling and rolling out six pie crusts. One of the things that made the filling good was to blend it with cream as well as chicken broth, to make the gravy smooth and tasty. The good thing about doing the pie crusts the night before was that they spent the night on the back porch, where it was freezing, so they were well-chilled when I baked them. I think this makes them more flaky.

Thursday morning, I made four loaves of bread before Dragonfly came over. When we went out for lunch, she needed to pick up a couple of things at the store, so I went with her and got my salad fixings. When I got home, I set to and baked the pies and mixed up the salad. It was romaine and boston lettuce with blueberries, slivers of red pepper, and pomegranate seeds. I wanted some of that crumbled goat cheese, but the store didn't have any, so I got some Wensleydale with blueberries in it and chopped it up in the salad. It was well received, especially with some maple balsamic dressing. We also had a tray of plain crunchy carrots, cucumbers, celery, and peppers in case the kids didn't care for cheese in their salad. One of our friends brought an apple cake from Mary Berry's recipe, and it was delicious. We had a lot of fun at dinner, but didn't make too much progress discussing the Paradiso, because we got off on some other topics, and then the parents had to take their kids home because it was a school night.

I thought I'd get up bright and early and get a lot done on Friday, since at last I had no social events. It was not to be. I didn't sleep well, and when day came, I was bushed and unable to motivate myself. I had to take a nap. We were planning to go see the extended version, 25th anniversary FotR on the big screen at 7, but it snowed more and more, and I groaned at the thought of shoveling the car out again, and the Sparrowhawk was very tired and worried about staying up until 11. We mutually agreed to chicken out. I WANTED to want to go, but I didn't. We watched our DVD of the extended version (because of course we have one, darling) instead. I made the last of the popcorn. An added benefit to being at home is that we were able to take a break to FaceTime Aquinas, wish him a happy third birthday, and sing him Happy Birthday. As we were going to bed just before 11 (another good thing about movies at home is that it only takes five minutes from movie to snuggled up in bed) I looked out the window and saw really huge snowflakes floating down. The all-day snow had been that thin, mean, stinging, wind-driven snow, but it turned into the Silent Night variety. I was still glad not to be driving home in it.

Today I went out in the morning and shoveled everything. It was pretty thick. It seemed like 4-6 inches to me, although the official weather report said not. It was bitter cold, too. We had one pot pie left over. I was going to freeze it, but then I got into a text chat with my sisters, and learned that both the Duchess and Dr. Nurse have bad colds, which they probably caught from Bird Baby via preschool. It occurred to me that Dr. Nurse could probably use some comfort food, so Uncle Sparrowhawk took the pie over to them. He reported that the roads were pretty good, so we drove to the theater at 3-ish to see The Two Towers on the big screen. It was a great experience. The landscapes are so gorgeous when they're full size, and every detail is so involving. The theater was packed full of people, many of them wearing elven cloaks and other garb. It was snowing like mad when we emerged. Not quite as bad as the Redhorn pass over Caradhras, but not very nice either. We were glad to get home. I anticipate more shoveling tomorrow . . . .

Yesterday we went to a gathering at a friend's house in the morning, and the ground was still bare and brown. After we'd been there long enough to get our coffee and sit down, the clouds opened and poured down a torrent of snow. It snowed and snowed until everything was veiled once again beneath a layer of fluffy white. And it was unanimously decided that a document we were all discussing should be revised by me. Because of course it should, darling. Sigh. I think the list of desired revisions was longer than the original document. I warned everyone as gently as possible that I would have to focus on their top three or four requests, because there's only so much one can do in two pages. I'n not sure they heard me.

When we got home, the Sparrowhawk went to the store to get some things to make stir fry with. It's been awhile since he cooked anything, and he wanted to do something nice for me, because my stomach has been in a state of rebellion lately. Alas, it was here that the weekend took a turn for the worse. Observing that he might have overdone it a bit, I encouraged him to take a nap and not worry about getting up in time for church or anything. He was still tired after the attempted nap, and we ate our stir fry and then went to bed early. Rest is everything, but sometimes it's hard to get even when you're trying.

Today was a similar day of not getting much done. The Sparrowhawk woke up from his so-called nap still not feeling good. He was chilled, so I put him in the big chair with a couple of blankets and played his favorite Perry Como Christmas album for him. I had some stir fry part 2 for dinner, and it was still very good, but he just wasn't feeling hungry. A bit later, I warmed up some soup for him. Now we're going to watch the Men's Free Skate and have a little ice cream, and then probably go to bed again. It's an exciting life out here in the upper Midwest . . . . Perhaps tomorrow we'll feel good enough to make something happen.

I got slightly better sleep last night, and embraced a more cheery attitude so I could dispel gloom at Madame's place. I left just as the furnace inspector was arriving at our house to do his yearly check. I stopped and got a couple of mochas for Madame and me. Normally I get her a treat as well, but last time I stopped in, she had all kinds of goodies left from Christmas. Today she still had cookies, but declined to eat any of them. She was very glad to see me. She doesn't remember Christmas, is all mixed up about what relatives she has, and doesn't recall her family coming to see her, which I'm sure they do. I know she would like to go somewhere fun, but I'm adhering to my plan of not trying to take her anywhere unless they get her a wheelchair. It's not only hard on her, it's too hard on ME. I see that her son has brought her a fancier, more sturdy walker with a seat, but that's still NOT a wheelchair, and every walker I've ever seen has explicit instructions that one is NOT to push the patient in it as if it were a wheelchair. Sigh. Sometimes people annoy me because they will not read the instructions. Moreover, Madame says it isn't hers, and looks upon it with great suspicion.

We requested that they bring her lunch in her room, so we could keep visiting. It wasn't appetizing at all! It looks as if they're trying to respect her veganism again, but that meant there was nothing on the plate but plain rice and some very plain, unseasoned greens. She hardly ate any of it. Dessert was a creamsicle, familiar from childhood. We chatted convivially for a couple of hours, and then I went home. This is kind of a double whammy, after my visit to the clinic yesterday. It is just very hard to see Madame's legs getting more and more crooked and bent, as she struggles to rise from her chair and then shuffles painfully to the door. When she gets tired, her words get reshuffled, and every sentence makes a little less sense. But she still has panache, and the old spark shows up every now and then. Oh my heart. Lest anyone think this is all because I'm just so compassionate, let me assure you it's mostly pure selfishness. It's me I feel sorry for. I feel time squeezing me toward a future I don't want. I can hope that it won't come to this for me, but it's hard to contemplate the possibility.

The day ended with joy, because it's the Lumberjack's birthday, and by luck, a Christmas package I ordered for him and Tron arrived just today, full of treats for both of them! They sent pictures, and it was beautiful and very satisfying. Now we're going to watch some figure skating, with dozens of extraordinarily beautiful and graceful people, the very farthest thing from today's sadness.

This morning, the sky was clear and the sun could actually be seen in its rising, far off to the south. The waning moon stood high in the western sky. Just a couple of hours later, the veil of cloud was drawn again. When I stuck my nose out the door for a sniff of the air, I felt the moisture in it, heralding a rise in the temperature. The birds were chirping and singing more hopefully than they have in the past couple of weeks. I was still not brave enough to go barefoot down the still-icy driveway to get the paper. I borrowed the Sparrowhawk's handy slip-on shoes.

It wasn't the best of days. Some near and dear people are having problems, of which obviously the less said the better on my part. I didn't have my usual conversation with Queenie, because she is busy with some aspects of this. I did have a brief call with her later in the day, which was nice except that it revealed she was at a clinic getting antibiotics for her own health problem. These things are worrisome to me. We were going to attend a meeting tonight, but it was too far from here, after dark, in a place unknown to us, and the Sparrowhawk was having an unusually off off-day. He didn't even go to his usual gym session. We got takeout and hunkered down. I'm not at my best, either.

Tomorrow I have to get another mammogram AND an ultrasound. I'm pretty sure this is because of that stoopid questionnaire I had to fill out, whereby they found out I have a daughter with breast cancer. This is making them extra cautious. They did this two years ago, too, and whatever they thought they were looking for turned out to be an artifact of the process. It's disheartening.

On the bright side, my pork stew with leeks and vegetables turned out acceptably, and I got a few compliments. Including one from a friend who said that she would have liked to eat everything that was in the pan and then lick the pan. She added that everyone else at her table agreed with her. I don't think it was quite THAT good, but okay. I'll take it.

Happy New Year, everybody! We somehow managed to stay up until midnight. I used some of the extra awake time to prepare a couple of items for today's brunch: greens, and a mix of the one remaining can of black-eyed peas the store had in stock, with some red beans to augment it. The only greens available were, or was, kale. It's not my favorite. I sauteed some onions and garlic, then added the chopped kale and some lemon juice and some balsamic vinegar, and some chicken broth, and cooked it for quite awhile until it acquired the otherwise unappealing color that tells you it is soft and no longer chewy. Then I thought it might be too sour, and added a splash of maple syrup. I thought it was possibly a bit odd, sort of sweet and sour, but it turned out to be a big hit when consumed for brunch today. The only problem was that there wasn't enough, because the Sparrowhawk had kindly run to the store for me, and he did not realize that you have to start with about a bushel of greens if you want to have a decent amount once they cook down. The bean mix also had onions and garlic, and Chachere's. It was very tasty, but weirdly salty. This may have been because we had to buy the store brand, because that was all that was left on the shelf. However, it was fine when mixed with rice and greens.

Midnight was weirdly anticlimactic. Snow covered everything once again. There were a few feeble pops of fireworks, but they didn't amount to anything. It was too cold to be out there setting off rockets. Also, I think all the parties were canceled because the roads were so bad. We each had about half a glass of champagne, and toasted each other in a weird little video the Sparrowhawk made to send the kids. Then I fell into bed and dreamed that I was being pursued by various dark forces. Hopefully I left them behind as I sprang forward into a new year.

This morning we started off the year nicely by having brunch with the Dr. Nurse family. They came to pick up some things that were being passed on from Aquinas to the upcoming new baby, and shared our New Year's Day lucky meal of black-eyed peas, rice, greens, ham, and cornbread. Dr. Nurse brought some cinnamon rolls. She said it was the first time she made them, which surprised me, because they were delicious. Bird Baby played with "her" toy animals that I always get out for her when she comes over, built a high-quality stable with blocks, and dragged me upstairs to get out the dolls for her so she could put them all to bed. We also found a bag of ribbons that I thought she might like. She assigned everyone a fetching ribbon headband, including the Sparrowhawk. When she got tired, I had the pleasure of listening to Dr. Nurse read her some of the old Christmas books that the Diva brought upstairs when she was here. Just a few days ago, I was listening to the Diva read those books to Aquinas.

After they went home, hopefully to nap, we had a rescheduled Zoom with Deb and the Prussian, and cleaned up the kitchen again, and now I am ridiculously tired again.

It rained a lot last night, and then I heard the wind roaring along like a river in flood, rocking the trees. At some point, the rain apparently turned to snow, impelled by the chill the wind brought in its wings. I started off this morning by hustling out to clear a path along the walk and around the car so the Sparrowhawk could get out and go to his money counting. While I was having my usual phone call with Queenie, I heard the door slam and surmised he had come back. I guessed the reason too--the roads were really bad, and people who live farther away were not inclined to venture forth, so they've postponed the money counting until tomorrow. After my phone call, I went out and finished the shoveling job. The snow was heavy and wet, and the wind was still whistling around, and it was icy. I was happy that the kids all went home before this weather arrived.

And then I was tired! And I still am. The only reason I'm still up is that we had a meeting of our Zoom book club tonight. I even volunteered to lead it, thinking that perhaps I could at least keep myself awake by goading others to do the speaking. And then I wouldn't even have to make sense!