Fire

Fire needs to feed itself.

Fire can’t generate its own fuel. It needs to consume what it finds, or, if its life is more fortunate, what we feed it.

But when Fire cannot find the fuel it needs, it weakens.

And dims.

Soon, all you see are smoldering embers.

And if it still can’t find fuel, it dies.

You know you’re losing it when, after walking to and fro in your room mumbling to yourself, you go take a cold bath in the middle of the night.

Older doesn’t mean wiser. Newer doesn’t mean better.

One step forward and two steps back

It’s funny how life fluctuates sometimes. One moment you’re tired like anything, the next you feel like total crap, after that hurt and angry, then laughing so hard that everything before seemed like it didn’t happen.

And after all that, nothing. You don’t feel anything anymore.

Flotsam and jetsam

I admit, I haven’t been the best blogger lately. All I’ve posted were bits of my life, one or two photos, snippets of what has been happening.

But tonight, I stayed up late to finish a compilation of 3 (yes, 3 ==”) assignments, and I am reminded of my days back in Kampar, where I’d use to come back late from CF, finish my tutorial or assignment or something ,blog and then sleep about 4am (and in class XD) .

KL’s really different, so much that I’ve kinda lost touch with what I call the Kampary feeling… Don’t get me wrong, I still miss it like anything- the food, the safety, my wonderful fiends… But KL has a way of getting you engulfed in it and forgetting who you were before you get here.

KL….. I’ve been here for one and a half sem.

No doubt, I’ve had some great times —meeting Leehom for the first time, getting awesome bargains at books fairs, mooching around at the shopping complexes, trying new food….

But I still…. I don’t know…

I finally understand what it’s like to dread going back to somewhere. I never did understand when my friends from secondary school dread going back to their campuses while I looked forward to going back to Kampar after every sem break.

I never used to really bother about grades in Utar. Sure, I got worried, but somehow I knew I’d scrape through my studies. But now, it’s not even worry anymore, its plain FEAR when I face my lessons. Fear of not being able to cope, fear of not being able to perform, fear of living up to expectations…

And all those things I used to hear,

“Be careful in KL ah!”

“Got snatch thief ah”

“Got robber ah!”

“Don’t come out at night ah!”

Yup, after one scraped knee and elbow, missing IC, license, ATM cards, handphone, UM ID card, I’ve earned the right to tell people all those things too.

I just thought of another thing missing from Kampar—the sleeping Ah Fun at this time of night...

Man, do I miss her… and I’m very sure my Mandarin has deteriorated coz no one speaks it to me anymore… XD

I remember I used to sit and stay in my car when I got home at night, just enjoying the silence and solitude that I’d find in the car. After a night at CF or a Ghany session, it’s nice to sometimes have a little time to reflect about how fun it is to be young and have awesome friends.

Now when I get back I just can’t wait to unlock the gate, drive in the car and scurry into the house, back into the sad little room I stay in at KL.

Yes, I am ranting.

I wanted to get the Kampary feeling back.

And it is =)

Aal izz well... maybe

Sometimes, all seems well in the day. But in the dark of night, when it is silent and you are lying in bed alone, it does not seem so well after all…

Can't get enough

It’s been 5 days after Leehom’s concert in Stadium Merdeka, and yet, the euphoria of seeing him in person, witnessing his talent for real and listening to his voice is still lingering.

Oh man, I like him even more now…

Bite

Ever took a too-big bite out of something before?



Erm.... Say for example, an apple.

Your jaws stretched wide, your cheeks pulled to their limit; your teeth seemingly not outwardly faced enough to accommodate that bit of apple that you want to eat.

Then you ask yourself- why are you taking such a big bite?

=S

Good times

It's true, you know, how you revert back to your secondary school ways when you meet up your with your secondary school friends...

Man, I do so very hate my panic attacks and think-too-much syndrome.

Driving back is gonna suck tomorrow =(