ourselves like the spine dividing the book in two

 Oh god what a rainy cold morning. February, spare me! I am trying so hard to be human but this weather (two-hour delay for the school district even) makes me want to hibernate like a soft, furry animal.

This weekend, I completed my JJ turns 40 tattoo project, and it aches right now whenever I use my thigh muscles which is, interestingly, often for, you know, walking. And sitting. But this part is always shorter than I remember and it will be healed and beautiful and I will continue to decorate my body with botanical and poetical art as I travel through this wild and precious life.

I am so hooked in Picard that I think I am going to give in and get the CBS special streaming thingie. I need more of that Captain! And Data! And I need to see Seven of Nine because in just the previews she makes me WEAK.

On top of the tattoo, I got My Chemical Romance tickets to Boston and finally ordered my long overdue replacement laptop for this one that suffered several near-fatal cat bites to the screen (don't look at me, Orion the cat, you have problems) and then the touch screen stop working, and then seperated entirely from the case, and then only turned on like a 1/3 of the time and.....I mean, I need a laptop, it's a tool I can't write without and writing is what I do, but it's still hard to justify spending the money. Oh, saving, I don't know how to do you when I always have to keep spending money on things! Relatedly, my car breaks now sound like a horrible moaning monster, so, guess those are next on the $$$ list.

This morning, I'm outlining a few stories, and by outlining, I mean I am taking the scenes I have written in pantsy, haphazard order in trying to place them in a more chronological and narratively sense-making order. I've got another half-hour of brain power for this and then I think I will have to soothe my chaotic writer soul and write something smack in the middle of a story with literally no lead up or resolution!

I also have a bunch of 3/4 finished fic that I want to power through. Scene transitions, you are a .....thing I thought I'd be better at by now.

Ok, back to work, and then spanikopita awaits!

 I always forget what an endless slog of grey February is. Constant cloud cover even when there isn't rain or snow. I spend the month half-asleep. I'm in the second week of K's work trip and that's certainly contributing to my February gloom. We're doing ok, but it's just a lot trying to keep everything afloat. If I've worn my Critical Role sweatshirt for three days in a row, who's to call me out on that, huh? Strong tea and whole tablespoons full of honey roasted peanut butter have been consumed in abundance.

I wasn't on here when The Magicians season four finale went down, and it's probably for the best because I was incandescent with rage and there would have been a lot of incomprehensible and profanity filled rants. Season five is airing now and I keep seeing gifsets pop up on tumblr, there's one where Eliot tells Alice about the mosaic and Alice tells Eliot that she's sure Q was in love with him and I just. I JUST. NO YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM BE IN LOVE AFTER YOU'VE KILLED ONE OF THEM THAT IS NOT AN OKAY STORY TO TELL THAT IS QUEER TRAGEDY AND YOU COULD HAVE HAD AN AMAZING QUEER LOVE STORY AND INSTEAD INSTEAD INSTEAD YOU HAD THE SUICIDAL MAIN CHARACTER SACRIFICE HIMSELF AND 

Yeah, ok, the rage continues to incandesce.

I'm a few episodes behind on Critical Role because I've been putting off Caleb's three episode long dissociative event, but Laura Bailey just won D&D with superb trickery of a villain and her DM and so I have got to get there to listen. I might even watch the VOD of that one -  I usually listen to the podcast, both because I can do other things while I listen and because I have more trouble processing the audio while also watching everyone, but, often I watch after I've listened through and there are sweet details and character insights that don't come across in just the podcast.

I have a dozen errands to run but what if I just....sat here.....and drank tea and worked on a story? And then read a book? WHAT IF
 

Last night, I watched the one where Picard is trapped in an elevator with three kids who won their science fair competition. I adore how awkward Picard is with kids, and how, in a crisis, he simply turned them into his crew. I've also had Frere Jacques in my head.

I play a fun game with Babycakes where I let her fill in the missing word in a song – she doesn't sing yet, but she will sort of sing-say the word. And she knows many more songs than I realized. It also helps get the songs from her favorite show out of my head. I love you Peg + Cat, and you're awesome as far as repetitive viewing goes, but I don't need to have the Baby Fox song in my head for days, srsly.

I'm journaling right now mostly so I don't have to think too hard about the fact that our very first kitty has a very aggressive type of cancer that is already showing regrowth in his surgery site where we had a tumor removed a few weeks ago. It's extremely sad and not fair. I feel like we've had our fair share of lost pets in these past two years, but, that's not how things work. Today, he went to see the same specialist who treated our beloved dogster, who also had cancer, and that was enough of a painful poke at wounds. I mean, she's a great doctor and I trust her, but, I would be happy never to see her again. I love this special cat buddy and am heartbroken at the idea that he might only have a few months with us. 

My computer also keeps randomly blanking out to a plaid screen, which is a nice minor problem to focus on. I researched it and it might be a driver update, so I can go mess around and uninstall that.

And then you had bet I'm putting on some Star Trek.