My adventures of mother hood with four and cloudy, cold winter have been an adjustment. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing else i rather be doing. I love my children with all my heart. One thing i have learned is the biggest rewards in life, require the most work. Josh was so kind and my best friend and sister arranged a Mommy getaway for me to go and visit her. It was just what i needed. a 5 day trip turned into a 10 day trip due to flight cancelations because of weather. We stayed plenty busy the whole time, ate delicious food, and had plenty of laughs.
We did a quick photo session while I was there. Here are a few of my favorites :)
I want our blog to be something we can look back on and enjoy. I want it to be something our kids can look back on when they are parents and relate to some of our adventures as a family. I was asked to share something in relief society right before my little get away and I thought I would share it on here. Although our life as a family has been greatly blessed, we are human and still have moments where things feel overwhelming.
I received a text while I was out and about
from Lisa this Saturday asking me to help share something in Relief Society. I quickly agreed not
reading in depth what the topic was, knowing I wanted to help someone who has
been so willing to help me on several occasions. When I got home and the house
started to quiet down I read the text once more. Wanting to see the topic to
share and the conference address. Once I read what the topic, Motherhood and the question to share challenges I have faced,Immediately,
my mind whirled back to this this past week and the emotions I have felt as a
Mother. I wish I could say it was a blissful week of me having extreme
gratitude for the opportunity to be a Mother. Although my life is full of those
moments, the reality of it is, that wasn’t the case this past week. I wanted to
cry, but at the same time, I knew her asking me to read this talk and share
something was an answer to a Mother’s prayer. This past week was with out a doubt the
hardest week I have had as a Mom since becoming one. A week where I was
honestly wondering to myself, am I doing more harm then good? I have family and
friends who I watch raise children with severe disabilities, health challenges,
who have lost a child. Making my issues as a Mom seem so insignificant. Yet
here I was, asking myself how can something I love so much bring me to a point
of such despair. I have spent this past week fighting multiple tantrums, some
lasting hours. Every day this week other then Thursday and Saturday I have
spent hours trying to calm her, trying to make her happy but the reality is the
only relief I got was when she would finally fall asleep. Followed by her
waking up in the middle of the night in the same mind frame. I spent Thursday
night from 3-530 trying to “keep the peace” if you will. In the heat of these
moments when these behaviors surface I am not going to lie, I ask why me? But
the reality is most of my time worrying is me searching and praying how can I
help her. Although this trial hasn’t disappeared. I have had multiple times
where I have seen people put in my path to help me, to cheer me on. I had
someone this week after witnessing one of the tantrums out in public show up on
my doorstep with some chocolate ice cream and a diet coke. I have had friends
who listened to my lack of sleep mind try to process what going on. On two
occasions this week my own Mom came to my rescue to help me get my thrashing
three year old into a car. There really is something magical about Grandmas. Or
the thing which stands out the most was a simple text from a friend asking me to read
a talk, reminding me of the honor it is to be a Mom.
I would like to end by reading a quote I found
several years ago:
President Packard once said “Motherhood is near
to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It
places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”
Josh gave our sweet Live the most beautiful and inspired blessing. She is such a special little baby. She has such a sweetness to her. She is a smiling, calm, beautiful baby. We are beyond grateful to have her in our family.
