johnny… abegg

Today I really felt a big shift.

My fiancé Elizabeth and I having our first child in a couple days (due date of course).

It’s one of those big moments in everyone’s life. We all take it on in different ways. For me, coming at childbirth from a masculine perspective is one of thinking and re-thinking. Understanding the swirling movements of our lovers belly is a search for understanding within our minds. The little kicks sure do help to feel rather than think I must say.

As we approach this incredibly beautiful experience I feel such calm. The thoughts don’t even match this knowing feeling deeper inside. It’s awesome and strange. I always thought by the time I’d get to this point I’d be really anxious, with a dose of scared and a sprinkle of ‘faaark’. Nope.

The more advice I’ve had from many others, the closer I’ve come to this calm. There never was a perfect way to give birth to a child I suppose. I just look at my love Elizabeth and see this amazing mother. She is so amazingly calm. I wonder sometimes if she was scared would I be scared. Who knows. It doesn’t matter either really. It’s our little ride. One that billions have taken before, but when it’s your experience it’s like you are Adam and Eve.

We don’t really know how it’s all going to pan out. And the more I think I have no idea the calmer I feel again. All the advice just slips away as the finish is so close. People speak so much about being in the moment. Within the next there will suddenly be enough love for three, and I will feel something that is so big, unable to describe.

So… Here we go.