My Baby boy is Growing up

Well my little boy isn't so little anymore. Tucker has Graduated from pre-school and is headed off to kindergarten this fall. He has loved every minute of school. And has learned so much. Thanks to his amazing teacher Miss Andrea. In fact he has already counted to 100 for the principal and can hardly wait to do it on the first day of Kindergarten, so he can get his picture taken and put on the wall. Way to go little man. I think I am equally excited to have him at school with me. What fun to watch all my kids go through school and be their PE teacher.

Memorial Day.. everything a reminder

It is Memorial Day weekend. It seems as though about every 4 weeks something comes along that is a sharp reminder of the baby girl I no longer hold in my arms. And this one is no-less painful. What a hard thing to go to that tiny spot at the cemetary,. I told Jared that I was doing special flowers for Mackinley. It is so hard to know that as her mom there was nothing I could do for her, to make her whole. And while I know I gave her that body she needed to be able to enjoy eternal life, sometimes I feel as though I did so little for her. While she has done so much for me. As we stood gathered around her small little plot my sweet Tucker said to me. "Mom, don't be sad. Mackinley isn't here she is in Heaven and she is happy." What a blessing to be able to teach so fully the plan of Salvation to my children. For them to know that there is more to this life. SO while this weekend and all the holidays that will follow are a painful reminder of what our family has lost they are an equally joyful reminder of what we have to look forward to. What we are striving to become. And while learning to balance both emotions is a hard thing, it is something I hope will become easier with time. Aren't we all just stones in the river, tossed and turned when the current of life is strong. And all the while that current is polishing us into something great if we let it. So while my hearts aches for my baby girl, and sometimes the tears overflow, I am thankful she chose to be a part of our lives. I will never feel closer to Heaven than I did for that 20 minutes of her life.

Moving on

The past 2 months have been incredibly busy, between everything with Mackinley and trying to put life back together, life has gotten mostly back to whatever type of normal it was. We have had 2 funerals, a Birthday, easter, mother's day and all sorts of craziness in between. I went back to work the middle of April. And now have 9 DAYS untill summer vacation..... The kids have started and finished soccer. And we are on to t-ball here very soon. So here are a few soccer pic

A lot has happened

I haven't posted to this blog for a while. So here is a brief update. In October we learned that the baby girl we were anxiously awaiting would not survive. On March 7, 2011 after 20 minutes of love and tears Mackinley Ann Koyle returned home to her Heavenly Father. She came to us a tiny 3lbs. 14oz and 14in long with a heade of beautiful dark wavy hair. She is a blessig to out family and we will be forever greatful for the 9 months and 20 minutes we had with her, and look forward to the eternity we will get with her.

here's the link

ourtrisomy18angel.blogspot.com

New blog

For those of you intrested in following the happenings of our MAckinley I have set up a blog about it you can find it at

A family update

I know this is a little past due. And most of you are aware of our situation. We learned in June that we are expecting our 4th child. The end of October we went in for our regular 20 week ultrasound to learn that there are complications. From there we were sent down to the Makay-Dee Hospital in Ogden for a more through ultrasound. After the ultra sound we met with the doctor as well as a genetisist. Where we learned after having an amnioscentesis that our little girl has a condition called Trisomy 18. which is "not compatible with life". Seh has many complications and will either be still born or die after birth. i am now almost 25 weeks and we are just taking each day one at a time. And are thankful for any time that we will be allowed to spend with her. We have chose the name Mackinley Ann Koyle. And will look forward to the day when we will all be together in heaven