Today, while searching for some crocheting patterns for me, my mom came across this letter that she had written. We were a little confused at first as to what it was. The title, I noticed at first glance, was about Motherhood. I suggested maybe it was a talk for church. It didn't take long to realize that was definitely not the case! After reading it (and almost peeing our pants) my mom realized that she had written it for her sisters many years ago. I asked if I had permission to post it on my blog and my mom happily obliged.
Get ready!!!
MOTHERHOOD - THE WORLD'S SECOND OLDEST PROFESSION
IT IS PROBABLY APPALLING TO SOME (LIKE, FOR INSTANCE, MY CHILDREN) AND
FUNNY TO OTHERS (MY SISTERS COME TO MIND) THAT I WOULD RANK MOTHERHOOD
RIGHT UP THERE WITH PROSTITUTION. WELL, THIS IS BEING WRITTEN FOR MY SISTERS,
FOR THEY WILL UNDERSTAND, SYMPATHIZE AND, HOPEFULLY, LAUGH. I WON'T LET MY
CHILDREN READ THIS UNTIL THEY, TOO, ARE MOTHERS OF GROWN CHILDREN - BECAUSE
ONLY THEN WILL THEY SMILE IN AGREEMENT INSTEAD OF CLUCKING AND FROWNING
WITH CONDEMNATION OVER THESE WORDS.
I KNOW THAT MOST CHILDREN LIKE TO THINK THAT THEIR MOTHER'S LIFE
DIDN'T START UNTIL THAT FIRST TINY BUNDLE OF BABYHOOD WAS LAID IN HER ARMS
FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. WELL, IN A WAY THEY ARE RIGHT BECAUSE WHEN KAMI
WAS GIVEN TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME, MY LIFE AS "SUSAN, SUE, SUSIE" (TAKE YOUR
PICK) ENDED AND MY LIFE AS "MOM" BEGAN.
YOU SEE, TO BE "SUSAN, SUE, SUSIE" (TAKE YOUR PICK) MEANT I COULD BE SELF-
INDULGENT OR GIVING, AMBITIOUS OR LAZY (WHICHEVER THE CASE MAY BE),
IMPULSIVE, THOUGHTFUL, NICE, MEAN, A-LAUGH-A-MINUTE OR THE-PITS-TO-BE-WITH-
IN OTHER WORDS, I HAD AN IDENTITY AND WAS ALLOWED A PERSONALITY. WHEN I
BECAME "MOM", I UNKNOWINGLY HOPPED INTO THE BIG MOTHERHOOD
HOMOGENIZATION VAT. YOU KNOW THE PROCESS-HEATING, MIXING AND BLENDING
UNTIL ALL COME OUT SMOOTH AND UNIFORM; BRINGING TO MIND THE MUCH
RIDICULED YET TOO-CLOSE-FOR-COMFORT CINEMA THRILLER, "THE STEPFORD WIVES."
BUT I DIGRESS (WHICH IS, AS ANY CHILD WILL TELL YOU, A COMMON "MOM"
AILMENT). BACK TO MY MOTHERHOOD/PROSTITUTION COMPARISON. AN
UNSUSPECTING WOMAN EMBARKS ON THIS ENDEAVOR THINKING IT IS A GOOD IDEA,
ONLY TO FIND, TOO LATE IN THE GAME, THAT SHE IS STUCK IN A LIFESTYLE FAR FROM ~
THE GLAMOUR SHE INITIALLY ENVISIONED. PROSTITUTION??? COULD BE!!!
MOTHERHOOD???? DEFINITELY!!!! LET ME TAKE THIS A STEP FURTHER BY POINTING
OUT THAT AT LEAST A PROSTITUTE GETS PAID FOR HER SERVICES!! TRUE IT IS THAT SHE
IS TREATED LIKE A FACELESS PIECE OF MEAT WITH NO FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS, BUT
THEN, SO IS A MOTHER, SO THE ONLY DIFFERENCE I CAN SEE IS THE MONETARY FACTOR.
AND, AT THE END OF THE PROSTITUTES WORK DAY, SHE CAN LAY HER HEAD ON HER
PILLOW KNOWING THAT HER "JOHN" WON'T WAKE HER UP AN HOUR LATER WHINING
FOR A DRINK OF WATER. AND ANOTHER THING, WHEN A PROSTITUTE REALIZES SHE IS
IN OVER HER HEAD AND NO LONGER WANTS TO PARTICIPATE IN HER CHOSEN
PROFESSION, SHE MERELY TELLS HER PIMP THAT SHE IS QUITTING, GETS BEATEN TO A
BLOODY PULP A FEW TIMES AND USUALLY FINDS HERSELF LIVING ON THE STREET
WITH NO MEANS OF INCOME. OH, IF IT COULD ONLY BE THAT EASY FOR A MOM!! A FEW
MONTHS INTO MOTHERHOOD THE INEVITABLE, BUT MISGUIDED, REALIZATION HITS,
"THIS IS GOING TO BE MY LOT IN LIFE UNTIL THE LAST CHILD IS OUT OF THE HOUSE AND
ON HIS/HER OWN." AS KATHY WOULD SO APTLY PUT IT, "WRONG-O, BONG-O!!!"
MOTHERHOOD IS A LIFETIME SENTENCE - NO PARDONS, REPRIEVES OR PAROLE. THE
ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING A MOTHER OF A SMALL CHILD AND THE MOTHER OF
AN ADULT CHILD IS THAT AT LEAST WHEN THE CHILD IS YOUNG THE MOTHER IS ABLE
TO EXERT SOME MEASURE OF CONTROL OVER HIM/HER. THE ADULT CHILD, HOWEVER,
STILL THINKS HE/SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO WHINE WHEN NEEDED, BE DEMANDING WHEN
NECESSARY AND POUT WHEN IT SUITS HIM/HER - ALL THIS WITH THE ADDED BONUS OF
NO SWATS WITH THE WOODEN SPOON OR TIME-OUTS IN THE CORNER.
I TAKE CONSOLATION IN THE FACT THAT IN A FEW SHORT YEARS, WHEN I AM
OLDER AND HOPEFULLY MENTALLY ALERT ENOUGH TO ENJOY IT, MY CHILDREN WILL
BE HAVING THESE SAME TRIALS WITH THEIR CHILDREN. AND, WHILE THE ABOVE
MENTIONED PROSTITUTE MAY HAVE MONEY IN THE BANK FROM A LIFE OF SIN AND
DEBAUCHERY, I WILL HAVE SOMETHING MUCH MORE VALUABLE - - REVENGE!!!!!!!!
Disclosure: My mom freely admits that she is a cynic, but we all know how much she loves us kids.....especially because we have given her 7 awesome, beautiful grandchildren. She says it is worth going through motherhood so you can get to be a grandma!! She better be right!!!
I love you mom!!!
And a random picture of Samantha and her St. Patrick's Day drawing. All this kid draws are butterflies, rainbows, smiley faces, birds, cats, and her family. It's a good thing! She is one happy little girl!!
And a random picture of Samantha and her St. Patrick's Day drawing. All this kid draws are butterflies, rainbows, smiley faces, birds, cats, and her family. It's a good thing! She is one happy little girl!!
