Halloween

Halloween has always been one of my favorite fake holidays.  Free candy?  Sign me up.  It took me forever to come up with our costume idea.  It had to meet four requirements and that was not easy.  I wanted it to be 1. Unique 2. Not lame 3. Coordinate with the whole family and 4. Not cost $593 dollars.  Of course, everyone loved Finn dressed up as a basketball.   And people probably thought Jovie was a boy but, whatever, she didn't know the difference.

Defense!!

Jovie wasn't as gung-ho this year when it came to actual trick-or-treating, sadly.  Last year she was just so thrilled about getting all the candy that we trick-or-treated right past her bedtime.  Not so this year.  I was pretty disappointed since I was the one that would benefit from it, but I let it slide.  We still got a pretty good amount, especially because we had two buckets getting filled :) 

Loving another baby

First off, I want to point out that my intention of writing this is not to make anyone feel sorry for me.  So please don't.  It is simply to record my experiences and share them with anyone else who may benefit...

The thought of getting pregnant again after Jovie was a little scary, but exciting.  We got pregnant the first time we tried (again).  I don't know why I always think its going to take longer to work.  Suddenly, it began to make me nervous, but I knew I had a lot of time until they baby was actually born.  Well, that time came and went faster than I thought.  When the due date was only a couple months away I found myself wishing that time would slow down. I simply did not want to have to take care of two kids.  I liked my time with Jovie and being able to get a nice break during her nap.  Things were good.

It was easy to fall in love with Jovie because I was always thinking about her.  I would spend so much time just looking at my belly and anticipating meeting her. I could have told you at any given time exactly what was developing (on average) in her tiny unborn body, how big she was, and how much she weighed (thank you babycenter).  When I was pregnant with Finn I was still only thinking about Jovie and taking care of her.  I never had the bond with him in my belly like I did with Jovie.  I didn't think I could love another baby like I loved her.

Then Finn was born, and sadly the story doesn't get much better yet, in fact it gets worse.  He was a pretty easy going baby for the first two weeks but nursing was a nightmare.  Then two weeks rolled around and all heck broke loose.  It was another Jovie all over again.  He screamed all day.  Basically every waking moment he was crying.  And he didn't sleep very much either.  Nor did I.  If I laid him down to sleep it would last about 10 minutes then he would be up screaming.  So I just held him upright while sitting on the couch.  Some days I would do this all day long.  I would try to keep him asleep as much as I could, otherwise he would be screaming.

In addition, poor Jovie was being deprived.  All my attention was going to Finn.  We never got out of the house because Finn would just scream the entire time at the top of his lungs.  I couldn't play with Jovie because I was always trying to keep Finn under control.  She would always be upset and so would I.  I was so irritable that my patience was non-existent.  I was not treating her the way she deserved and that made me feel even more horrible.

I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into despair.  I was miserable, more tired than I've ever been, and didn't have a moment to relax.  I could barely get away because Finn liked to eat so often and wasn't very good with a bottle.

When Finn was 5 weeks old I took him to the doctor to try and figure out what was going on.  I expect a baby to cry but this was out of control.  I went through this with Jovie and never found an answer.  But she was all I had and I could deal with it better then.  Now I just felt overwhelmed and alone.

I was angry.  Very angry.  "What was I thinking?", "Why did I want another baby?", "I wish I just had Jovie still", "this poor innocent baby derives someone better than me.  I can't love him like I should".  I did love him but not nearly as much as I needed to.  Sometimes I would be so angry I would shove him in Kell's arms without looking at him and go into the other room.  I didn't want to look him.  The days were dark and long.

The doctor suggested that I take milk and soy out of my diet because it might be upsetting his stomach.  After a few weeks of no milk and soy things were a lot better (I also took out wheat, eggs, and nuts for a while, but that's another long story).  I could actually put Finn on the floor and he wouldn't scream.  This was unheard of before.  We could never put him down. And then he started sleeping better. And so did I.

That's when things really started to change.  I felt like I was coming alive again.  I wasn't sleep deprived anymore.  I could lay next to Finn on the bed and look at him in the eyes and he would be happy.

I loved him.  I loved him so much.  My love grew quickly over the next few weeks.  Now as I write this story I cannot stop the tears from streaming down my face.  I will not deny that it was hard.  Very hard.  But was it worth it?  Yes.  I love that little boy so much I would throw myself in front of a train for him.  There really is no way to show in words your love for a child.  I could gaze into those eyes all day long and be happy.  I no longer regret having him.  I could not imagine life without him.

We are given trials in our life and I guess having hard babies is one of them for me.  But we all have trials so I am no different than anyone else.  I hope that I can help others because of my experiences and that I will likewise benefit from others.  Life is hard sometimes and that is okay.  I think it's better to be honest and aware of things instead of hiding them inside.  It was hard in the beginning, but it did get better!  Don't let this post scare you from having children because I did make it through and I DO want more children in the future.   :)

5 months

Side Note:  My family was amazing through this.  They were so willing to help when I needed anything, even when I didn't ask for it.  They would come over, pick Jovie up, and take her back to their place for a while just so I could get a break.  And of course Kell always helps a ton with the kids when he's home from work.  This is probably how I survived.  THANK YOU!!

Jovie's Birthday

Jovie is 2!!  It seems like she was born yesterday, yet, it also feels like we've had her forever.  Make sense?  Not really, but then again, completely.  Confused?  Anyway, we had a great time celebrating her birthday with all of the Bjorn side of the fam.

Here is how I spent all of my free time the day before and day of her party.  It looks time consuming, right?  Well, it is more time consuming that it even looks.  I may just recommend not doing it unless you're very ambitious and have a lot of free time, or perhaps just plan better than me, and don't have a four month old to take care of in addition.

Here is what it looked like before we dove into it.  The frosting is a white chocolate buttercream.  But the real surprise was on the inside which no one knew about until we cut into it.  Those balls on top are supposed to look like bubbles.  You blow up little balloons, dip them in a gelatin and water mixture, and let them dry.  This process also takes forever and can get pretty messy.  We had made some fondant circles to put on the side but the frosting dried faster than I thought it would and they just fell off.  I was pretty distraught since I had a vision of exactly what it would look like and now all that time I had spent on the cake would look like I had spent ten minutes.  Sigh.  Well, I just decided I wouldn't worry myself about it.  But one thing is for sure, our kitchen was a disaster after that...and that's putting it nicely.

Bubble wrap for place mats and streamers for a table runner.

Eying the cake.

We had been practicing how to blow out a candle all week.  And it's a good thing because she would have had no idea how to do it if we didn't.  But she was pro by her birthday.  Now she loves her new talent and will try to blow and kind of crumb or small object she can find.  Even if this means getting down on the kitchen floor.  She's so talented.

She's so proud.  This was actually the second time we lit the candle.  The fist time one of her cousins blew it out.  Can you blame her?  Just too much excitement!

The big reveal!  Rainbow cake!  I made everyone wait to eat the cake until I had taken a sufficient amount of pictures. Sorry guys.  I spent so much time on this dang cake I just had to.

Jovie loved all of her presents.  The backpack, shoes, and books were all given to her.  She just couldn't resist.

All the girl cousins getting close to see Jovie's new potty!  We've been using this to help her understand potty training. 

Then the real fun began.  Candy!!!  This is a tradition in our family.  Or at least it will be.  Even Kell got me (or I might have told him to get me) a pinata for my birthday a few years ago (although I don't think the pictures ever made it to the blog).  And we're definitely getting one for all the kids birthdays.  Of course, being the candy lover that I am this would be the only logical decision.

She couldn't get enough.

And again.

Just hangin' with great grandma.  I looked over once and watched them and it was as if they were having some long casual conversation.  The best.

Then we opened some more birthday presents at home from just us.

She is obsessed with books!

We had a gift card to Toys r Us so we picked up this beast.  It took a while to fold all those boxes.  I remember playing with those in kindergarten all the time.  They were the best.

We are so lucky to have this little girl in our lives.  What an awesome thing to be able to have your own children.  I didn't want any children before I got prego with her.  Really.  It was not appealing to me in the least.  I've never been one of those sappy people that love babies.  But now, well, I still don't really like kids...except for my own!  It's just different when they're yours.  Heavenly Father sure knew what he was doing when he created families.  I'm so grateful that I can be with them forever!

Christmas

Thought I should post this before Valentine's Day rolled around.  Finn is FINALLY taking good naps and sleeping good at night so I will be able to post more instead of desperately trying to get sleep any chance I can.  Here's Jovie making Christmas cookies with Dad and cousin Kayden at Grandma and Grandpa Bjorn's.

 

I think they were trying to make funny faces.

Remember Jovie on her birthday?  Apparently we forgot about her fear of frosting until this night.  But, ohhh, did we remember it after that!  Once we gave her a frosting free cookie she cheered right up...naturally.

Eating another cookie.

This was a big step for Jovie.  She used to be so shy and stand off-ish around everyone but suddenly over the course of a week or so she became care free.  Well, almost.

This is little Finners at 3 months.  He's wearing a shark shirt but you can only see the fin in it.  Can you guess why we like him to wear shark clothes?

A little more of the new care-free Jovie.  We've been waiting for her to come out.  She really does have way more fun around other kids now...what a relief.  Here are a few Green Christmas pictures.

Grandpa Green

We drove home on Christmas morning.  After many horrible experiences driving in the evening traffic between Portland and Seattle (one including Finn blowing out of his diaper and Jovie puking all over the car) we decided that mornings were the only option.  After we got home Jovie took and nap and woke up to more Christmas presents!

Lovin the new Elmo slippers.

Jovie's holding an "ice cube" that lights up.  It was some promotional thing that was sent to Kell at work.  He almost threw it away until he realized it would be a great stocking stuffer.  Kids don't know the difference, right?

Kell's parents and grandma came over that night to open, yet, more Christmas presents.

Is it weird that I like to leave wrapping paper on the floor after opening presents?  I think it gives it a little Christmasy feel.  Okay, so I'm weird.  I actually asked Kell if he would stop cleaning up the paper because I wanted to leave it for that night.  (do you see something small and cute?)

 

Once again, more Christmas.  This was our final Christmas adventure with the Bjorn side.  We had to delay it because some of us were out of town on Christmas.  Jovie's playing with her cousin Kyler here.  She especially likes playing with kids smaller than her.  She must feel like she has authority over them.  We better watch out!

Have I ever mentioned that Jovie loves to stand still to get her picture taken?  Here is proof.

All three brothers had a new baby last year. 

 

We loved Christmas this year.  There is something special about the pure excitement kids have.  It really brings it alive.  Of course, most importantly, we got to celebrate (although we can always do this) the birth of Christ.  And we need Him more than anything in this world.