The Perks of Interracial Marriage

When Roberto and I got married I knew that our relationship wouldn’t be typical, it’s pretty obvious that we have different backgrounds/have different first languages/are different races etc. We have found that being different actually has made us be much more open with communication and talking about differences or misunderstandings between us. Those topics might not normally be discussed if we came from similar backgrounds. Instead of assuming Roberto will understand when I sarcastically or rudely say “I’m fine” I have to explain exactly what is wrong or why I am acting the way I am instead of just blowing him off or being annoyed and assuming that he should already know how I am feeling.

That being said, I think the only time I have ever been annoyed about being different from each other is when strangers are rude to us because we are different. Since we got here people have catcalled things at us on the street. These catcalls are different than the “Hey you so sexy, get in my car,” kind of catcall to women, but more of a  “Hey girl, you look American and the guy with you doesn’t, don’t you know he is probably only with you to get a green card?” except the kinds of things they yell out are “VISA!” or “Soy Dominicano,” referencing that Roberto being Dominican needs a visa.

I don’t know if these guys (they have always been men yelling) know how extremely offensive it is to yell those things at us. I get it, we are different. He is black and I’m white. This concept actually isn’t all that different from the intermixing history of the DR. Roberto’s grandma was black and his grandpa was white and they got married 60 years ago. Roberto already had a green card when he came to the states because his mom is American. Plus, if he really only married me to get a green card, why would we have moved to the Dominican Republic? Anyways, none of that really matters because it still isn’t appropriate.

A few weeks ago Roberto and I went shoe shopping. A man working at the store came over and talked to us about what shoes we were looking for. Roberto and I both only responded in Spanish, mentioning nothing about being American. I sat down and tried on a pair of shoes. The man immediately asked Roberto, in Spanish, if he married me to get a visa and if it worked. I was sitting within 2 feet of them and had already shown him earlier that I spoke Spanish. Even if I didn’t speak Spanish, it is still very uncalled for to ask.

There is a Dominican phrase referring to this phenomenon, although I don’t know how common it really is- “Sanky-Panky,” a noun, referring a Dominican who tries to get in a relationship with a tourist in order to get a visa/green card to the tourist’s country of origin or for the tourist to go back to their country and send money back to them. There is even a Wikipedia page about it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanky-panky

Along with the phrase comes a movie called “Sanky Panky” that came out in 2007, a story of three Dominican men who are looking to get with American women for Visas. One of them moves to Punta Cana to work at a tourist resort to meet someone so that he can get a VISA through a relationship.

I’m not sure why it is Sanky-Panky and not Hanky Panky, but I am guessing the birth of the phrase came from someone hearing what it meant in English and then made a spelling error based on how it sounds when spoken in Spanish. Like in the way that I have seen Dugout (as in a baseball dugout) being spelled as Dog-out.

If you walk around the touristy part of Santo Domingo and in Punta Cana you will see prostitutes, mostly with old men (I’m guessing 60’s-80’s) heard speaking German, French, or English with very young Dominican girls. This to me is really disgusting and in my mind, is a form of neo-colonialism.

Last week I saw an article about a Black American Woman who is constantly asked if she is a prostitute while walking with her white husband (link below). Although I realize that our situation is different, I am very tired of people bothering us on the street, thinking as if we are in a relationship because Roberto wanted a visa and I wanted attention or that there must be something fishy going on because we are different colors.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/11/13/im-a-beautiful-black-woman-with-a-white-husband-people-assume-im-a-prostitute-all-the-time/?tid=sm_fb

After all of the Sanky-Panky name calling, it has really stopped bothering me. If anything it just makes me realize that we won’t really ever fit in, no matter where we go. We might as well enjoy it. This is actually really great to realize because everyone is different anyways, and we might as well stop caring about what people say at/to us (or behind our backs) for the rest of forever.

Zits- Everyone has something to cover-up.

I’m sure that most people in the world have experienced acne at least one time or another, in adolescence or even into adulthood. The weird thing is that here in the DR, acne is almost non-existent, or at least very rare. Almost everyone has beautiful skin. I don’t know if it is because people here are accustomed to the humidity? Maybe the humidity helps? Maybe there are a lot of natural remedies? Maybe it is genetic? I really have no idea. Their skin is beautiful, what can I say.

One thing I do know is that almost every female I have met feels like they have the right to tell me everything they know about my acne, which at sometimes can be extremely annoying. Surprisingly, I already know I have acne and I have hated it since I was 11. I have used everything from topical creams, prescribed antibiotic pills, everything benzoyl peroxide, aloe vera and other natural plants to try to get rid of it. Most of the time it goes away or gets better, but when I change environments it normally gets worse. When I moved to Philadelphia for college, it went haywire for a bit. Here there is 80% humidity on an average day and my skin has definitely been reacting. For the record, it has gotten a lot better since we arrived more than a month ago.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If someone actually had something that would get rid of my acne, I would definitely listen to them. A few people who are good friends with Roberto have given some good advice about acne here and it was well welcomed. Then there are other people who I don’t even know, complete strangers giving me advice. They tell me what to do before they even know my name. This has happened in a wide variety of places, church, at a dinner party, in a public car, and the most annoying time so far was today in the hospital.

Since Roberto and I knew we were coming to the DR I have been trying to find a way for me  to practice nursing while he is here for school. Originally we were going to be here for a year, so I was going to become a registered nurse here. That usually takes a few months and requires a lot of paperwork, tests, and apostilles. A few weeks ago we found out that Roberto can make this his last semester here, so we can go back to the U.S. much earlier. Now I have really only been looking for volunteering opportunities because it is not worth it to go through the process of becoming registered here. So today we went to a hospital to talk about becoming a volunteer. Immediately after leaving the interview at the hospital a woman walks through one of the main doors, makes eye contact with me for two seconds, points to my face and says (in spanish) “Stop eating butter! No mayonnaise, no chocolate, or it will get worse!!” then she starts to move her hands in circular motions to her face “every night cut up a lemon in four pieces, put sugar on the pieces, and massage it into your face. Your acne will disappear!” I immediately nod my head, say thank you, and promptly leave. Roberto and I laughed about this all the way home. At first it was annoying or even offensive when people talked about my acne to me, but now it is just funny.

Lemon with sugar is not the only remedy I have been given here. I have been told aloe vera, sulfur soaps, limoncillos (different than lemon), and a Mary Kay acne kit will help me fix my acne. I am sure all of the women who gave this advice had good intentions. They want me to have beautiful skin too.

I know that this phenomenon is something related to a cultural difference, so I really shouldn’t care too much. People here are much more open to say what they think. A lot of things that would be classified as offensive in the U.S. are not offensive here. I have found this to be true in Spanish in general. For example, referring to someone as “moreno/morena” is rarely offensive here, more just a classification of color (Moreno means dark or black). I have seen people try to get the attention of a stranger only referring to them as “moreno/morena” where if you yelled out to get the attention of a stranger and yelled “Blacky!” it would definitely not be seen as friendly. Another example is the word gordito/gordita, it is affectionate. You call your wife or girlfriend gordita as a nickname and as a compliment. Calling your girlfriend “little fatty” in English might make her not want to talk to you for a few days.

A few times since we have been here people have asked if I am pregnant. Like the acne story, I was annoyed that people were asking. Didn’t they know it is rude to ask that? After thinking about it a couple of times I have come to the conclusion that here it is a lot more expected to have a baby right after you get married and women’s roles seem more defined than what I am used to. That by asking if you are pregnant, maybe it is really just them wanting you to be. In response to people asking if I am pregnant I now quickly answer “It might look like it, but no.” That catches some people off guard, so maybe I really don’t look pregnant? Or maybe I should stop wearing high-waisted skirts? Maybe the acne will never go away and people will keep asking if I am pregnant, but at least now I don’t care. I can definitely learn from the openness of this and other cultures and how it’s not worth it to be offended and be more open myself, but maybe not to strangers….

Columbus Day- From The Island Where He First Landed

So, a lot has happened since I last posted about a year and a half ago. One big change is that I got married in May. My husband and I moved to Santo Domingo so he can finish his undergraduate degree in law (it is an undergraduate degree here). While we are here we planning on seeing as much of the island as possible and have already been on a few trips to other cities.

We have been in Santo Domingo for a little more than three weeks now and it has been interesting to learn what the major tourist traps and attractions are in the capitol and on the island. Across the island as a whole, the most popular tourist activity is undoubtedly all-inclusive beach tourism. You know, the type you see on Groupon's travel section and the trips includes airfare and all the booze you can drink? This is not surprising to people. While interestingly enough, Santo Domingo has more of a historic touristic approach. Those historic site include; the oldest catholic church in the New World, the original fort built when Santo Domingo was colonized, and many things related to Christopher Columbus (Cristóbal Colón in Spanish).

I don't know if many people know the when Columbus “Discovered America,” it was really the Bahamas and the Northern part of Hispaniola (the island that the Dominican Republic and Haiti now inhabit). At that time a native population called the Tainos inhabited the land. Once Columbus had landed here, he left around 30 men on the island while he went back to Spain to tell of all the wealth and opportunity (aka, making Tainos work to find him gold). Fast forward a little more than ten years, Columbus dies, the Taino population is dying off thanks to European diseases/battles with the Spaniards, and now African slaves are being imported to the island when the Taino population runs too low to have sufficient forced workers.

It has bothered me a lot in the past that we celebrate Columbus Day and the more I have learned about Columbus, the less I like him and the stories and songs about “how courageous and smart he was to have found this already existing land that was already occupied.” a lot of Dominicans believe that the Virgin Mary led Columbus to this land to inhabit it and make it Spain's. This idealism fairly bothers me because some histories claim, coming from his diaries, that he had 10 year-old Taino mistresses, that he had killed and enslaved thousands of people, and more or less started colonialism in the West. Many Dominicans still look at Columbus as a hero and look at Spain as their roots, and according to a documentary I recently saw 70% of Dominicans have African genetics. Dominicans are proud of all things columbus, even boasting that they have his remains here.

This is where history gets tricky. Where was Columbus buried? Three countries claim to have him. Sevilla, Spain (where he had died), Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic (where they had sent his remains back to be buried in a cathedral here), and Havana, and Cuba (one of the stops on the way back to Spain from the DR upon deciding they didn't want his remains to be in a country ruled by anyone other than Spain.)

Faro Colón is the site in Santo Domingo where Columbus is supposed to be buried. Faro in Spanish means lighthouse, but Faro Colon doesn't look like a lighthouse to me at all and it isn't next to the ocean. It does however spotlight a huge cross into the clouds at night, which I guess makes it a lighthouse. Inside this huge structure is a small monument that contains a small black box that is supposed to have Columbus' remains and has “1492” and “Colón” engraved on it in many places.

This huge lighthouse cost $70 million dollars to build back in 1986, and was finished in 1992 for the 500th anniversary of Columbus' first voyage to the West. It is shaped as a huge cross. As the monument for Columbus only takes up a small space, a majority of the building is a museum that displays exhibits of the countries that donated money or supported the project. Surprisingly countries like China and Israel were among these countries (surprising only because of the religious histories of these countries).

Being a lighthouse, it uses huge amounts of electricity in a side of the city that does not always have constant electricity or generators (we had the lights out for a good 12 hours straight a few days ago, and having one or two outages a day is normal.) It's just interesting to see what our priorities are as humans :).

View of Faro Colon From The Front

The mighty Nile

Oh boy, It's been a while since I blogged, but this one is definitely worth it. I cam to Egypt with the friends I always travel with. Nisha, Jessica, and Keith.

I am in Cairo right now and it is awesome. At first I was kind of scared to come here and everyone told me not to come to Egypt right now, I am really glad I  came though. I haven't felt in danger at all and most people have been really nice (minus shopkeepers- but that is kind of expected wherever you go as a tourist.We got a tour group to help us get here and now we are in egypt on our own. One of the tour drivers was kind of offended when we asking if it safe for us to be there. Being here just reaffirms the opinion I had before coming to the Middle East. I think if you are smart and know where not to go, you will be fine no matter where you go. It is funny, I get more UPENN safety alerts (emails we get when there is criminal activitiy near my college campus) than I have had in the middle east- and in Egypt I have had none. People here are really genuine and nice. I have really enjoyed it. Plus, all the negative media coverage scares all the tourists away, so at most tourist places there are really few tourists (except russians, for some reason tons of them come here on vacation all of the time).

One of my friends set us up to meet up with one of her really good friends. He showed us around one night and we took a tour of the Nile. When we asked him about safety etc. he said that crazy sh*z happens everywhere, but life goes on and normal people live and are fine. Kind of like the same thing as living in Philadelphia.

The Pyramids, Nile, Mosques, and People have been so nice. There is so much history and it is beautiful. Not to mention everything is super cheap here. Falafel is the quivalent to 15 cents. Amazing.
We are staying at this really cool hostel called Dina's.It costs like the equivalent of 7 dollars a night. I can't name many other places in the world where you can travel so cheaply. Dina's also tell us everything to do and we have really enjoyed it- they figure out cabs and rides to everywhere we want to go. They have even told us cool places to go that most people don't go to. I am sad to leave.

I'l l write more later about specific things we have done. But this have been amazing. One of my favorite trips of my life.

Spring is For Storks, St. Nicholaus is for Christmas

            There is a really cute tradition in Bulgaria where on the 1^st of March; everyone gives all of his or her friends red and white bracelets. After this point, whenever you see a budding plant or a stork, you tie one of your red and white bracelets to the nearest tree (or the budding plant you saw). When I was walking around the park on Monday it was one of the first really sunny days in Sofia. There were red and white bracelets hanging everywhere.

            When I got into Sofia I met up with my couchsurfing host. Her name is Stef, she is in her 4th year of university. We became friends really fast and she was one of the best couchsurfing hosts I have ever had. She showed me all of Sofia on foot, which was beautiful. Sofia wasn’t affected too much from WWII like other European countries; there are a lot of old style historic buildings everywhere. There are a lot of really pretty Eastern Orthodox churches, including the biggest church in all of Europe- The Alexander Nevsky Cathedral.

Alexander Nevsky Cathedral

and she is in her 4

            There is also the church of saint Nicholaus. In the basement there is a small shrine to St. Nicholaus. People go in write a wish on a piece of paper, pray over the grave, and insert their wish into a wishing box. It reminded me a lot of being at a department store before Christmas and telling Santa what you wished for, except for I only saw middle aged women at the St. Nicholaus’s church J.

letter to St. Nick

Tomb

Outside of the church

Bulgaria has gone through different shades of leadership. It was conquered by the Turkish Empire until the 19^th century and was then set free by Russia; Bulgaria was later under the rule of the U.S.S.R. until 1989. A lot of the food and culture is kind of a mix of Turkish, Greek, and Russian food. My host’s mom made us dinner, which was a potato and beef casserole covered with a layer of cooked eggs called Baklah. They told me that it was originally a Greek dish, but it has been around so long that it is considered Bulgarian. It was Yummah.

It is interesting to me that in different languages, the noises that animals make is different, even though we are hearing the same noise. My host had two Siberian huskies and she kept saying “Bow-wow” to them. In Bulgarian the “noise” that dogs makes is “Bow-ow” instead of “Bark-Bark”. Interesting, right? Body language is also different. Instead of nodding your head to mean yes, it means no. It threw me off for such a long time until I finally asked someone if it was different. I was buying food at a store and asked if I had the correct amount of money, she kept shaking her head but saying yes. I was so confused.

Today I went to a little town about 2 hours away from Sofia called Plovdiv, which is the oldest continually inhabited city in Europe, it is 8,000 years old.  You can see different remnants of the different ruling periods. There is a large Mosque in the middle of the old city; there is also an old Roman Amphitheater. Anyways, at about 2 P.M.  I decided I wanted to make sure that my train was leaving at the time I thought it was. Surprisingly, the train I was taking had been cancelled and I needed to catch it in order to catch my overnight train back to Bucharest for my flight home. I decided I needed to go check the bus station to see if I could get to Sofia in time to still catch my train. Sadly no one I could find could speak English. I finally found one lady who spoke English and told me a bus was leaving from Plovdiv in 10 minutes to Bucharest and it was only 4 hours (the train takes about 10.5 hours from Sofia alone). I really wanted to catch it. The clerk kept telling me it wasn’t going to work out. And she kept walking away, not answering my questions, and blowing me off. A flock of Bulgarian women became really worried for me because I seem frustrated by this clerk. One by one, a new lady came up to me to try to figure out what I needed and where I needed to go. Finally a lady came up who spoke perfect English and she translated what the clerk was trying to say to me. It turns out that it was too late to catch that bus, but I could take the bus to Sofia in time and catch a shorter bus from Sofia to Bucharest. It was really sweet that all these really sweet Bulgarian women who couldn’t speak English, were so set on helping me. One of them even offered to drive me to another bus station just in case I could get to Bucharest easier from there. In the end I took the bus to Sofia with the woman who spoke perfect English and her mother. We had a really good and long conversation and we really connected. It seems that every time I get on public transportation I meet someone new and interesting and we end up bonding and becoming potential pen pals. On the train from Sofia to Plovdiv I met a cute teenage couple and we also had a really good conversation about Bulgaria and their views.  I like this style of travel much more than just sleeping in a hotel every night or sticking with other travelers at hostels, but to each his own J.

 

I am now back on my way to Bucharest on an overnight bus, then I’ll spend my last day in Bucharest and my flight back to Jerusalem on Tuesday. It’s been a good week J.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Sca(red)

If I could name the top three things that have been life changing for me they would be

Religion

Education

Interactive Travel

I think interactive travel is actually just education. Whether you might think it is social (learning to interact with new people) or historical (I go to way more museums and hear more stories about the past first hand when traveling). My couchsurfing host definitely showed me a view on Eastern Europe that I don’t think a history book could.

 “The Red Scare” is something I have heard about all of the time growing up, but never really understood. My couchsurfing host grew up in Romania, was born before 1989 and was a little kid when the Iron Curtain Fell, he now lives in free market Romania. He didn’t ever say that he liked either period more than the other, but he did talk a lot about what was positive and negative about both. First, he talked about how consumerism controls our lives. There are a lot of negative things that happen now in Romania that didn’t happen pre-1989.  According to him, people weren’t so jealous of each other, girls didn’t have eating disorders, advertising didn’t make people feel inadequate, there was no such thing as drug trade or homelessness, and families were stronger because there were less distractions because of material belongings.  (You can’t waste your time working overtime trying to outdo your neighbors and get a bigger TV if there is only one TV available to get). The conclusion he came to was that there are good and bad to all types of governing, but the biggest factor is the responsibility and morality of political leaders. Even under democratic governance Romania still isn’t doing well- the average pay is the equivalent of 250 dollars a month for wages (3,000 dollars a year). Almost everyone I talked to were annoyed/upset/disgusted by the leadership of Romania. A lot of people I talked to (most were young) said they were planning on leaving Romania, which is sad.

In any case, I’m not saying that the U.S.S.R. was a great thing- I know how bad the living conditions were, how it was impossible to leave the Romanian borders, jobs being decided for you, a lot of corruption, etc. I think as “Westerners” we look at anywhere in the East as some scary Russian speaking land, making “their” way of life seem so foreign and alien compared to “ours”. In the end, we will always be more comfortable with the way we were raised, and if you have any recollection of life before 1989 or have taken a class on European history, chances are that the word communism has a negative connotation to you.  It is definitely a topic I want to study more.

            Despite all of the equal-ness and communism, Bucharest has the world’s second largest building (according to square meters). The biggest building in the world is the Pentagon. It was build and called “The People’s Palace” and it now where the parliament meets.

            Romania has actually been one of my favorite places to visit. There is a ton of nature, history, nice people, and a lot of really cool things to do. I thoroughly enjoyed it.