Five Years Since GraduationLizmonster has never considered herself an athlete, nor has she ever gotten a serious sports injury. But now that her knee hurts, she is keenly aware of the fragility of the human body.
Last week in Princeton, on a beautiful Friday morning, she set out on the same enchanted path she had traversed as an undergraduate five years earlier and started jogging, with Lake Carnegie on one side and the canal on the other. She passed the little white bridge where there's always a few men fishing, and past the Harrison St. bridge crossing. She might have gotten all the way to Kingston like she did that one time in 2007, but instead turned around and started back toward the campus, in a combination of jogging and running. She estimates that she ran about 2.5 miles and walk about 2.5 miles that morning total.
Her left knee and shin have not been the same since. She was most aware of it while dancing at the 20th reunion tent with her fellow band alumni to songs like "8-6-7-5-309," wanting desperately to keep jumping up and down with them during "You Give Love a Bad Name," but having to sit down because of the pain.
After a week of not running, she tried the treadmill on Saturday, but couldn't get past one mile. It's not a sharp pain per se, but rather a dull ache and stiffness that's imprisoned her poor joints, and it's the worst when her foot is slamming down on the belt or pavement.
To the Internet she turned for answers, only to discover that her options are (a) deal with it and rehabilitate herself or (b) have surgery, which she hopes she doesn't need.
We all want a quick fix to our physical problems, but as we age things take more time to fix. This is a very hard lesson for Lizmonster to accept. It's one of those annoyances that reminds her that 27 is physically different than 18, and that she's technically moving past her prime every day.
And it makes her so angry to think that maybe she won't ever be able to run the same again, just when she had completed the Warrior Dash and considered entering more 5Ks. With a lot of patience, hopefully she can run again, and hopefully kickball won't be too strenuous for her next week.
But there is something more insulting about this injury than perhaps any other she has ever had before. It is a marker of age, of use, of time passing that Lizmonster cannot control. How is it already June of 2011? Lizmonster used to be someone who wanted to continue in school as far as she could possibly go and feel like she was moving upwards in every aspect of her life. But it's been one long summer since 2008, a rocking back and forth on a metaphorical wicker chair and there's no sign of a next season on the horizon. And it feels comfortable on the chair, but what happens when it rains? Worse yet, what happens when everyone else walks by and leaves Lizmonster behind, but she doesn't even notice? Or what if Lizmonster suddenly feels like standing up and doing something else, but she's too old and her knees hurt too much?
Atlanta is Lizmonster's first experiment in being an adult and having a home that doesn't change. It's still both comforting and terrifying.