Just Some Stuff...

Sometimes I focus more on events. Straight to the point. Sometimes I forget what I really want to say. And sometimes I have trouble finding the words.

I look back on the year and I'm overcome with gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the countless blessings He's showered upon my little family and upon me. I'm no one special. I don't do anything better than anyone else, and I sure heck am no better than the next person. Yet the things I do that please Him, are met with blessings ten-fold. And then I think about my own kids. Like when Jett gets candy and sets aside half of it for Cruise for when he gets home from school, just because he's his brother. Or when Cruise tries so hard to do what we ask because he loves us. Those small little things make me want to shower my boys with love and affection and even things they want. And then I truly understand the nature of our Heavenly Father. He really does love us so much. He loves me so much.

There are days I am impatient and not very understanding. Days I'm not proud of. In those moments of weakness that may result in me making my little boys cry, my heart is torn and I am humbled to realize my kids are so much better than I. More patient, more positive, more forgiving. I am amazed at the love they show and have for me: their terribly imperfect mother.

There are days when I do things right. Days I am so proud of. I speak soft and take time to listen and understand. Days when I can meet the tsunami that is autism with grace and creativity. Days where I can show more love than discipline. Those days are better than any other.

I've spent too much time wishing. Wasted perfectly good minutes where I could be doing, but instead I am wishing I was MORE. More organized, more intelligent, more sociable, more witty, prettier, stronger, more disciplined, more talented, more patient, more thoughtful, more driven. But it wasn't until recently that I've been able to silence the bully that once lived inside my head. The bully that taunted and teased with every glance of a mirror and every shortcoming that is presented in every day. That bully that once held me back from truly understanding the truth: I am so much more.

This isn't an ego thing, but more of an appreciation for what the Lord has given me and a realization of my true worth. Instead of a deflated balloon (that was once a toned mid-section), I see a beautiful home to three babies that once resided within. I see the strength, long-suffering, and faith it took to not only bear those children, but to choose to do so.

Instead of horrifying stretch marks that mark my body, I see battle scars.

Instead of the ghastly, socially unacceptable bulges of cellulite and love handles, I see the beauty of imperfection and the strength I find in knowing that I am so much more than what everyone sees from the outside.

I've come to the realization that the days I worry less about my weight, my big hips, my not-so-elastic skin and the bags under my eyes, and focus more on my kids, I feel better about myself. It is so sad it has taken this long to understand this. Yes, I always knew it, but it never really sank in until recently. I feel beautiful when I am the best Mother and Wife I can be.

So for 2014, my #1 goal is to feel more beautiful by being the person the Lord knows I can be. I would love to exercise to stay healthy, and I probably will, but my obsession will be with my family. Because that is all I hope to tell my Savior when I return to Him: I'm addicted to my family.

Miles Update, Gingerbread Houses, Snow & Harris's Christmas Party

Miles Update

Every day Miles wakes up, he is so much bigger, less wobbly, more alert, and more smiley. I have such conflicting feelings of being so excited that he is getting bigger and more interactive, yet so sad because  time rushes by too fast and soon he will no longer be a baby. But I guess that realization helps me savor every moment, take in every second, and enjoy it all, even the exhausting parts. I wish I had enjoyed those moments just a bit more with the two older boys.

Miles is getting so big! He is already out of his 0-3 month clothes and into his 3-6 month. He eats a lot, and is getting better at sleeping at night. So far he is sleeping 6 hours straight and Mom & Dad couldn't be happier! Miles is still such a chill, happy baby. I keep holding my breathe, anticipating that time he will switch it up on us and scream all night long like the other boys did for awhile. But lately, I change him, feed him, burp him, lay him down in his crib with a binky, turn on his mobile, and kiss him good night. He just watches the mobile until his eyelids give out. No crying. No fussing. Just a peaceful little baby. I didn't know some babies were so easy! It is definitely a nice change of pace, that's for sure.

Miles is going to be my musician. He just loves music and always calms down when music is playing. He especially likes Coldplay and John Mayer. He is a big fan of acoustic guitar as well. Miles is happiest when someone is just talking to him, face to face. He gets scared of deep voices and cries when Cruise has meltdowns and yells. He loves to watch his brothers play and bounce around the house. He thinks they are just great fun and I'm sure he is antsy to join in the craziness.

Miles loves baths and cries when we take him out. But quickly calms down once he is dressed, fed and snuggled. He loves to be bounced on my knees and gets so excited when I return from being away for a bit. He loves to be held and snuggled and enjoys being walked around so he can observe his environment. He is such a wonderful baby and I just can't get enough of him! So much so that I am excited when he wakes up at night (most the time) so I can give him kisses and snuggles.

Gingerbread Houses

The boys love doing gingerbread houses, but I am too lazy to make gingerbread, shape it into parts of a house, and buy all the candy and frosting. So I buy a kit and I'm always glad I do. Sure, sometimes the cookies are broken and the candy is nasty, but the kids love it. They look forward to it every Christmas, which is why I keep doing it.

Snow

The temperatures have been incredibly frigid. Like 3 degrees. There's been a lot of snow and a lot of ice! The boys luckily have all their snow gear and thanks to Dave, they have a lot of fun!

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Harris's Christmas Party

Cruise's teacher, Mr. Harris, holds a very special Christmas party every year for his students past and present. And every year, so I hear, it is the exact same thing because, after all, with Autism, predictability means guaranteed fun! Of course, it was our first year, but we all had a blast, especially Cruise. 

They started out playing snowball fight with paper. The boys always love being allowed to throw things at people, so it was a great activity. Then the kids sang songs and of course Cruise had to be front and center, singing as loudly as possible. 

Then Santa arrived! Both the boys were so excited I thought they would both pee their pants. Jett wouldn't look at him once on his lap, I think it was a bit overwhelming, but he was still happy he got to meet the Big Man! His gift was a pack of Go Fish cards and a Hot Wheels car.

Then it was Cruise's turn. He walked up to Santa and said, "Hi Santa! My name is Cruise!" He then sat on his lap and answered Santa's questions like, "Were you a good boy this year?" Cruise then interrupted the questioning and said, "Um...I have to tell you what I want for Christmas! I want a snowboard, a guitar, and a bike!" Dave & I had already taken care of the guitar and the bike, but a snowboard?! Earlier in the week he had said he wanted a hover board for Christmas. When we broke the news to him that they didn't exist, he was thoroughly upset. But we showed him videos of other types of boards like skateboards, wakeboards, and snowboards. So apparently he wants a snowboard now. 

Cruise's gift was a package of fake mustaches.

Then Miles got a turn on Santa's lap. He sort of stared at him for a few seconds, trying to make sense of what he was looking at, and then looked away obviously unimpressed. 

It was such a great party and I know it'll be something we look forward to every year! 

Thanksgiving

This year for Thanksgiving, my sister Abby and her husband Casey were the only family on my side that were in town. So Abby & I decided to cook our very own Thanksgiving feast for the very first time ever. We weren't exactly sure how to go about it, especially the turkey since we had never cooked one before. But really, how hard could it be? Turns out, really not that hard. In fact, everything turned out amazing, despite the fact that we had made enough to feed about 18 people rather than just 4 adults and two children who eat like birds half the time. The hardest part was cooking everything to be ready at the same time. Abby had to cook a lot of things at her house and then bring them to my parents' house (were we decided to eat since their kitchen is the biggest). Abby was in charge of the stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, pumpkin pie, and headed up the turkey. I did the cranberry sauce, gravy, rolls, loaded sweet potatoes, sauteed green beans and apple pie (which turned out to be moldy by Thursday...thanks a lot Costco) and vanilla ice cream. We also had sparkling cider to drink. It turned out incredible and we all ate ourselves sick. To reduce the amount of dishes, we got festive paper plates from Target. It actually made a huge difference. This is how you do Thanksgiving:

David had taken the boys earlier to his parents' house so they could play with their cousins and he could visit with his family. Miles stayed with me and "helped" me cook the dinner. Dave returned with a beautiful gift from my Mother-In-Law: a tree skirt. She had matched the colors to my living room colors exactly and I could tell she put so much thought, time and love into it. It is just beautiful!

I love it!

...And I love this chubby guy too:

The night before Thanksgiving, Dave and I were up late talking about how blessed we are and how all our dreams have come true. From ending up with each other to having three amazing little boys. We have been so blessed in our marriage and continually see the Lord's hand in our lives. It occurred to me that Dave and I have always tried to do what the Lord has asked of us, no matter how hard it may be. Dave leaving for his mission was a tough two years for the both of us, but we knew the Lord would bless us with what would make us happy if we were willing to put it all into His hands. Choosing to have children before we were done with school and with very little money was something that seemed crazy to so many people, but when the Lord asks you to do something, you do it. And because of that, our lives have been blessed ten-fold. Every day, through the kids destroying my house and making more noise than my head can take, I always remind myself that I truly am living the dream. Because the trials and difficulties in life are so insignificant when in comparison to the blessings and miracles we witness on a day-to-day basis. And for that, I am so thankful. 

Cruise's Ninja Girlfriend, Jett's Birthday & Miles is 2 Months

Cruise's Ninja Girlfriend

Cruise has been on the lookout for the perfect girlfriend for some time now. One day he came home and told me about his "ninja girlfriend". "I found somebody with brown hair and eyes brown. She's a ninja and helps me be a ninja. She's my girlfriend." A week later we asked him, "Do you still have a ninja girlfriend?" and he responded, "Yes, she has brown hair and brown eyes like me. And if we kiss hard enough, our eyes will turn green." We died laughing. Then a few days later we found him writing/drawing a love note to his ninja girlfriend:

So Cruise's teacher, Mr. Harris, decided to do some investigative work and find this Ninja Girlfriend of Cruise's. That afternoon I got the cutest pictures in my inbox of this cute girl opening Cruise's love note:

After reading his letter, she said, "Let's go get the Ninjas together!" and off they ran. I guess there is a group of kids who get together at recess and play ninja. Cutest thing ever. The days he doesn't want to go to school we say, "But don't you want to see your ninja girlfriend?" And then quickly he recants his complaint.

Jett's Birthday

We celebrated Jett's birthday the Saturday before with a Curious George rock climbing birthday party. I ordered the invitations from Etsy (my new favorite place to buy them):

Jett decided on a rock climbing cake with Curious George on top. I will have to say, it was probably one of the easier cakes I've done. I decided to go easy on myself and use box cake mix & pre-made frosting. Jett wanted chocolate on chocolate, so that's what he got. I made 4 9-inch rounds and a 9-inch round of rice crispy treat for the base. After stacking them, I inserted a wooden dowel in the center to keep the top from toppling. I carved the cake to look more like a climbing wall, then covered the whole thing in icing and then grey fondant. I used a knife to make the fondant look more like rock. Then I surrounded the base with chocolate rocks covered in a white coating and surrounded the cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate sugar. Next, I whipped up a batch of moldable frosting, divided it and added food coloring. I molded pieces of frosting to look like climbing holds and fastened them onto the cake with toothpicks. I then topped it with two pieces of yarn twisted together and smothered in chocolate frosting to make rope, candles, and, of course, a Curious George figure. And voila! There it is!

Jett had three little friends come: Dylan, Connor & Aiden, and of course Cruise was there as well. We went to The Quarry in Provo and the kids got to climb as much as they wanted. 

Of course the monkey brothers made it to the top.

It was a perfect day for indoor climbing since it was cold and rainy out. Jett had a blast with his friends and received some awesome presents that he plays with every day now. 

On his actual birthday, Dave & I gave him his present, something he's been asking for all year: the Imaginext Batcave. He was giddy with excitement. He's played with it all week.

I then took him in the morning to get his pictures taken at JCPenney and then to a McDonald's indoor playground where we had lunch and he played for a bit. That evening I asked him what he'd like for dinner since it was his birthday and he asked for noodles. When I asked him what kind of noodles he said, "Noodles with meats and cheese and sugar." He likes sugar. A lot. 

I took him to his 4 year well-child check up to find out he had an ear infection and that one of his tubes fell out and the other is on its way out. I'm afraid we might have to get him tubes again. Bleh. Anyway, he weighed 35 pounds (41st percentile) and was 3.25 feet tall (23rd percentile). He's a little, skinny thing. 

Miles is 2 Months

Well, that went fast. Poor Miles has spent most of his life thus far sick. We took him in for his "well-child" check up, but he was anything but well. I had taken him a week before and the doctor said he just had rhinovirus. We did the humidifier, bulb suctioning, etc., but he just got worse. At the well-child, his doctor said he could possibly have pertussis aka whopping cough. I almost had a heart attack. He couldn't get any of his immunizations because he was so sick, but they did a swab and said they'd have the results the next day. After an entire day of giving myself an ulcer from worry, we found out that the results were negative. Over the past week he has luckily been getting better after Dave gave him a blessing. It's times like these, when my children are horribly sick and I feel so helpless, that I am incredibly grateful for the Priesthood and for a worthy Priesthood holder in my home to give them blessings. Hopefully the rest of the winter will pass without any major illnesses. One can only pray. 

Other than being sick, Miles is growing beautifully. He eats a lot, still doesn't sleep through the night, but is still a pretty chill baby. He weighed in at 11.5 pounds (35th percentile), was 22.75 inches long (45th percentile), with a head circumference of 15.75 inches (82nd percentile). I don't know why, but I tend to have large-headed babies. It must be because they're so smart.

We sure do love this little guy and can't imagine life without him. He is very observant, he LOVES getting his diaper changed (he gets a huge smile), and he loves music. He always calms down if there is music playing, especially if it's Coldplay or John Mayer. He is such a sweetheart and if I could, I would just snuggle him all day.