As Mother’s Day approaches, conversations around motherhood often expand beyond traditional narratives. For many families, the journey to parenthood looks different, sometimes involving egg donors, surrogates, and deeply personal decisions that redefine what it means to be a parent.

In a special Mother’s Day episode of the All Things Conceivable Surrogacy Podcast, Lara Herzer joins the conversation to share her deeply personal journey to motherhood, and how her experience inspired her children’s book Me the Great.

Listen to the full episode here:

Q: Tell us a little about yourself and your family today.

Lara:
Life is beautifully chaotic and exactly what I hoped for. My husband and I both work in advertising on the creative side. I’m an executive creative director, and we’ve built our life in Chicago.

We have two young kids, a five-year-old and a three-year-old, plus a pug named Bunker. Every day is unpredictable, loud, and fun. It honestly feels a lot like my career in advertising, you never know what you’re going to get.

Q: What did you imagine motherhood would look like? Did that vision change?

Lara:
I always knew it would be meaningful and life changing. What surprised me is that I didn’t really change, my life did.

I didn’t grow up around a lot of kids, so becoming a parent opened up an entirely new world. My husband and I were learning everything from scratch, and that’s been part of the adventure.

Q: What was it like realizing you might need an egg donor and eventually a surrogate?

Lara:
It was incredibly difficult. When our doctor first suggested using an egg donor, I told my husband we needed time to process, so we literally went into the woods, hiked, and talked it through.

Two big realizations came out of that.

First, I had to confront my ego. I had this idea of wanting a “mini me,” and letting go of that was hard.

Second, there’s a biological instinct to reproduce, and I had to consciously override that wiring.

I call it an “ego death,” and it doesn’t go quietly.

Once I worked through that, I felt ready. And when surrogacy later became necessary, it was actually easier because I’d already done the hardest emotional work.

Q: How did your husband handle the journey?

Lara:
He was incredibly steady. He had experienced major loss earlier in life, so he had already developed resilience.

While this was my first major emotional battle, he was my anchor, calm, supportive, and reassuring that we’d come out the other side.

Q: What was the process of choosing an egg donor like?

Lara:
Honestly, it felt a bit like online dating. You’re presented with many amazing candidates, each with their own stories.

At first, I had a long checklist of traits. But someone gave me great advice, focus on your top two priorities. That made the decision clearer and more manageable.

Looking back, I realize that choosing our donor was a meaningful role I got to play in building our family.

Q: How did meeting your surrogates compare?

Lara:
It was completely different from the donor process. Instead of many options, you’re usually presented with one match at a time, and the relationship matters deeply.

At first, we thought we’d keep things more transactional. But that changed quickly.

Both of our surrogates felt like instant fits, warm, trustworthy, and communicative. Over time, they became more like extended family than business partners.

Q: Did those relationships change your perspective on connection and trust?

Lara:
Yes, especially in how quickly emotional walls came down.

We initially imagined sending a yearly birthday card, but instead, we’ve maintained ongoing relationships. We share updates, photos, and milestones.

They’ve become part of our children’s lives, like additional family members who genuinely care.

Q: How did your experience inspire your children’s book Me The Great?

Lara:
I co-wrote the book with two other women I met in a support group. We all faced the same question, how do we tell our children their story?

We noticed two issues with existing books.
They focused too much on the parents’ struggle.
They weren’t written in a way kids could easily understand.

We wanted to center the child’s perspective, make the story joyful and empowering, and reframe the journey as something to be proud of.

Because it is something to be proud of.

Q: How did your children respond to the book?

Lara:
It was magical. Reading it to them for the first time was a full circle moment.

My daughter immediately embraced it, she started calling herself “Ruby the Great” and even brought the book to school to share.

That’s exactly what we hoped for, a sense of pride and understanding.

Q: How do you talk to your kids about their origins?

Lara:
We keep it simple and age appropriate.

We say, “Some very nice women helped bring you into the world.”
We connect it to real people they’ve met, like our surrogate.

They don’t fully understand everything yet, and that’s okay. As they grow, they’ll ask more questions, and we’ll build on the story.

Q: What do you wish more people understood about surrogacy and egg donation?

Lara:
That it’s not just clinical, it’s deeply human.

It’s a gift. Without these women, I wouldn’t have my children.

There’s also a lot of misunderstanding because many people haven’t met anyone who’s gone through it. When you explain the humanity, generosity, and trust involved, perspectives often change.

Q: What would you say to someone considering becoming a donor or surrogate?

Lara:

It’s an extraordinary act of generosity.

You’re not just helping, you’re making something possible that otherwise wouldn’t exist. After going through infertility, I truly understand why people call life a miracle.

To be part of creating that is incredible.

Q: Looking back, what surprised you most about your journey?

Lara:
I realized I wasn’t as open minded as I thought I was.

I had to challenge my own beliefs and expand my definition of family. One idea that stuck with me was, when you can’t change your circumstances, you have to change yourself.

That mindset shift made everything possible.

Q: What’s the biggest takeaway you hope readers have?

Lara:
That families can be built in many ways, and that’s something to celebrate.

Family doesn’t have to be limited to traditional definitions. It can be expansive, intentional, and deeply meaningful.

Lara’s story is a powerful reminder that motherhood isn’t defined by a single path. Whether through biology, donation, or surrogacy, what matters most is the love and intention behind building a family.

And sometimes, the most meaningful journeys are the ones that redefine everything you thought you knew about getting there.

Order your copy of Me The Great: How the Power of Three Made Me!

Learn more about building your family through surrogacy. And if you feel inspired to help someone like Lara experience her first Mother’s Day, take the first step toward becoming a surrogate or becoming an egg donor today.

March is Surrogacy Awareness Month, and at ConceiveAbilities we’re honoring the extraordinary women who have answered the call to become surrogates.

One question our surrogates hear again and again is simple, yet deeply personal: Why? Why choose this path, with the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy? Why carry a child for someone you may have never met?

If you’ve ever wondered why women become surrogates or what it’s really like becoming a surrogate, this is for you.

Gestational surrogacy allows a woman to carry a pregnancy for intended parents who are unable to carry on their own.

Every surrogacy journey begins with a spark. Sometimes it’s a quiet nudge on the heart. Sometimes it’s shaped by personal experience. Other times, it’s a moment that simply clicks — a realization that you can help make someone’s lifelong dream come true.

We recently spoke with more than 20 experienced surrogates about their surrogate journeys and what first inspired them. Here are five powerful stories that show how that spark begins:

Danielle Cobb

For Danielle, the spark grew out of her own fertility journey. As a young woman, she was told she might never conceive naturally due to PCOS. She carried that uncertainty for years — until she went on to experience healthy pregnancies of her own.

Knowing what it feels like to live with that fear, she felt called to help another mother who was still waiting for her miracle.

🎥 https://youtube.com/shorts/XRizh5PC6So

Katie Long

Katie’s inspiration is woven into her family’s story. Her husband was adopted, and they’ve always felt immense gratitude for the brave birth mother who made his life possible. Surrogacy felt like a way to “give that back.”

After two successful journeys, Katie describes surrogacy as “the most amazing experience besides having my own children in my entire life.”

🎥 https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Xnrkdwo1veE

Mercedes Childers

Mercedes discovered surrogacy almost by accident — through a video she stumbled across on social media. But the moment she learned more, something inside her clicked.

When she realized this was something she could do, she felt “over the moon” at the thought of helping someone else build their family.

🎥 https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XUkzQO8OCkI

Nicole Host

Working at an IVF clinic gave Nicole a front-row seat to both the joy of growing families and the heartbreak of infertility. Witnessing those emotional highs and lows — combined with the deep love she has for her own children — stirred something in her.

She wanted to play an active role in helping another family experience that same life-changing joy.

🎥 https://youtube.com/shorts/sdTu4reF3BE

Charisma Segars

For Charisma, inspiration came from someone she admired: her middle school basketball coach, who was also a surrogate. Seeing someone she respected take that step planted a seed.

She remembers thinking, “What an amazing thing to do for others.” And that thought never left her.

🎥 https://youtube.com/shorts/5JORIcWya5A

These are just a few of the many stories that remind us what Surrogacy Awareness Month is all about — compassion, courage, and connection.

Click the videos above to hear directly from these incredible women and discover the spark that made surrogacy so meaningful in their lives.

✨ What else do you want to know about surrogacy, and the powerful women who embark on this journey? Many of our surrogates say their journey started with curiosity — just like yours might. This Surrogacy Awareness Month, visit our Become a Surrogate page to explore the requirements, compensation, and support available to surrogates.

Alysa Liu’s story is inspiring — not just for her incredible achievements on the ice, but for how her life began.

Born in 2005 through surrogacy and egg donation, Alysa and her siblings were welcomed into a family built with intention, love, and support. From day one, she was wanted, nurtured, and encouraged to dream big.

And those dreams became history.

At just 13 years old, Alysa became the youngest U.S. national champion in figure skating. She went on to represent Team USA at the 2022 and 2026 Winter Olympics, captivating the world with her resilience, authenticity, and joy.

Her story reminds families considering surrogacy of something important: a child’s beginning doesn’t limit their potential — it’s simply the start of a unique journey. Alysa herself emphasizes the importance of family and balance, showing that champions aren’t just made in training rinks — they’re nurtured by love and stability at home.

Surrogacy and Olympians: Breaking the Mold

While Alysa is one of the few Olympic athletes to publicly share that she was born via surrogacy, her visibility is powerful. Her story helps normalize modern family building and shows that children born through assisted reproductive technology can grow into leaders, innovators, and yes — Olympians.

Why Every Beginning Matters

Surrogacy is about intention. It’s about bringing a child into the world with planning, love, and hope. Alysa Liu’s journey is a testament to the possibilities that come from families built this way — proof that every beginning deserves celebration.

Congratulations to Alysa Liu and Team USA on an unforgettable 2026 Winter Olympics!

Inspired to help build families? Learn more about becoming a surrogate and helping someone achieve their dream of parenthood.

Weaning from breastfeeding can be as emotionally intense as it is physical — and feeling guilt or sadness is completely normal. Many parents are surprised by how intense their feelings can be, even when they’re completely ready to stop breastfeeding or pumping.

Lactation consultant Dianne Cassidy explains why guilt, sadness, or anxiety during weaning are far more common than most people realize.

Here’s how to understand those feelings and give yourself the compassion you deserve.

1. Emotional Changes During Weaning: What to Expect Even When You Wean Gradually

Stopping breastfeeding too quickly can lead to a dip in mood or even weaning-related depression. But here’s something most people don’t talk about:
Even if you wean gradually and “do everything right,” emotional changes can still happen.

You might feel:

• Sadness
• Guilt
• Anxiety
• A sense of loss
• Worry about whether your baby will be okay

These emotions are normal. You’ve been doing something deeply intimate and routine — often multiple times a day — for months or even years. Shifting away from that takes adjustment.

2. Guilt Happens Even When You’re Ready

It’s entirely possible to feel confident about your decision to stop breastfeeding or pumping and still experience guilt. Thoughts like:

• “Should I have kept going?”
• “Is my baby going to struggle?”
• “Is this the right time?”

…are extremely common. Guilt doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice — it means you care.

3. Understand That This Is a Major Life Transition

Weaning isn’t just about milk; it’s about routine, closeness, hormones, and identity. You’ve spent weeks, months, or even years nurturing your baby through breastfeeding. That history is full of emotion.

So it’s no surprise that ending your lactating journey can bring up big feelings. Your body and mind both need time to adjust.

4. Give Yourself Generous Compassion

One of the most important parts of navigating guilt is offering yourself grace. This transition is tender, meaningful, and sometimes heavy. You deserve patience and kindness from yourself as you move through it.

5. Remind Yourself: You’ve Done an Amazing Job

Telling a mom not to feel guilty rarely works — but reminding her what she has done can make all the difference.

You’ve shown up.
You’ve nourished your baby.
You’ve dedicated time, energy, and emotion to breastfeeding.

You’ve done a great job — truly. And deciding to stop doesn’t erase any of that.

Looking for more tips on gentle weaning and emotional support? Visit ConceiveAbilities.com for guidance and resources.

Weaning from breastfeeding or exclusively pumping is a major milestone for many moms. Whether you’re deciding when the right time is to end your breastfeeding or pumping journey, learning how to safely reduce your milk supply, or navigating the emotional ups and downs, this guide is for you.

Abby Theuring, also known as the Badass Breastfeeder, helps moms — and even surrogates — navigate the highs and lows of breastfeeding, pumping, lactation, suppression, and weaning. As a fierce advocate for moms, she shares practical tips, expert advice, and emotional support for gently ending breastfeeding or pumping, managing lactation, and caring for yourself during this transition. She also covers how to plan your weaning timeline if you’re starting a surrogacy journey while still breastfeeding. Grab a cup of tea and discover how to make weaning easier, gentler, and empowering.

Listen to the full weaning podcast here:

Meet Abby Theuring: Founder of the Badass Breastfeeding Community

Abby, along with her partner Dianne Cassidy, IBCLC, leads a community of over half of a million women who connect and bond over breastfeeding and pumping. When she’s not championing the Milk Donation Challenge, inspiring millions of women to donate their oversupply to families in need, she’s talking about any and every aspect of breastfeeding, pumping, donating milk and weaning on her Badass Breastfeeding podcast. And believe it or not, it all started with a photo on Facebook. She joined Nazca Fontes on All Things ConceiveAbilities podcast to share her knowledge.

Nazca Fontes: Tell us about yourself and how your breastfeeding community began.

Abby Theuring: I had my first son, Jack, in 2011. I was a full-on social worker, with a master’s degree and plans for a long career in clinical social work. I worked up until the day before he was born, thinking, “We’ll just get this started, and then I’ll go back to work.”

Becoming a mom threw me for a loop. I struggled with postpartum anxiety and the identity shift — I felt like an alien in a new world. All I knew was that I wanted to breastfeed, but I had no idea what I was doing. At 35, without friends who had babies, I was completely lost.

I reached out to a lactation consultant — someone I didn’t even know existed at the time — and she changed everything. “It’s okay. People go through this, we’ll help you,” she said, and breastfeeding finally started to click. I decided to stay home with Jack, feeling empowered and like I was finally finding myself as a mom.

Then I posted a picture of myself breastfeeding at a park in a mom’s Facebook group. The reactions were wild — some called it disgusting, others celebrated it. I had no idea about all the politics around breastfeeding. True to my personality, I started a Facebook page sharing breastfeeding photos. People sent in their own pictures, and it just blew up.

Over time, I found myself stepping into the role of an advocate. I’m not a lactation consultant, but I work closely with experts. Through my podcast, I share my own experiences with breastfeeding, pumping, weaning, and everything in between.

The Most Rewarding Part of Supporting Women in the Breastfeeding or Pumping Journey

Nazca Fontes: What’s the most rewarding part of supporting women through breastfeeding and lactation?

Abby Theuring: When I started out breastfeeding, it felt like I had so many problems. Now, looking back, I really had one or two problems. In the moment, it felt overwhelming. I didn’t know why I felt so determined to breastfeed or upset at the idea of it not working.

Knowing there are other people going through the same thing, and that they feel so good and happy when it works out — that’s just the best part.

Related reading: Weaning Made Easy: Top 3 Tips for a Gentle, Stress-Free Transition

Educating About Milk Donation: Why It Matters

Nazca Fontes: You’re a milk donation challenge champion. Why are you so passionate about educating women about donating their breast milk?

Abby Theuring: Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about how important and lifesaving breast milk is. I have a connection with lactating people, and being able to mobilize them to contribute something that saves babies’ lives is amazing. People who make breast milk know how amazing it is, and they get to give it to babies in need, helping families who might otherwise lose their child. There’s nothing better than that.

Related reading: Learn how to join The Milk Donation Challenge

The Connection Between Milk Donation and Surrogacy

Nazca Fontes: Many surrogates also donate breast milk and vice versa. Why are these two giving journeys so intertwined?

Abby Theuring: They’re related because both are life-giving. Giving life through birth and through breast milk connects deeply. If you’re passionate about one, you’re naturally drawn to the other. Most lactation professionals became so after breastfeeding themselves. Personal experience fuels these special passions.

Related video: How To Pump, Ship and Donate Breast Milk Surrogacy Tutorial

When to Start Weaning: How to Know the Right Time

Nazca Fontes: How can a mom know when it’s the right time to begin weaning?

Abby Theuring: Weaning takes time, and everyone stops for different reasons — medical issues, feeling ready to move on, surrogacy, or simply being overwhelmed. The most important thing is that the decision is made by you and your baby — no one else, no pressure, no judging.

Related reading: How to Know If You’re Ready to Wean: Signs, Steps, and Expert Guidance

Managing Guilt During the Weaning Process

Nazca Fontes: Sometimes women feel guilt about weaning. How can they address it?

Abby Theuring: Guilt is common. Some feel guilty if they don’t feel guilty! There’s also post-weaning depression, similar to postpartum depression. Hormonal changes can make people anxious, irritable, or emotional. Listening to podcasts and connecting with the community helps. If you’re ready and decide it’s time, getting support is important.

Related reading: Weaning Without Guilt: How to Emotionally Prepare to Stop Breastfeeding

How to Gently Wean from Breastfeeding or Pumping

Nazca Fontes: What are gentle strategies for weaning that support both mom and child?

Abby Theuring: Gradual weaning is essential. Stopping suddenly can be painful and may increase the risk of engorgement, plugged ducts, or mastitis. Here is my advice for step-by-step gentle weaning:

1. Go gradually: Reduce nursing or pumping sessions slowly.
2. Consider the baby’s age: Under 1 year: supplement with donor milk or formula. Over 1 year: solids, water, or milk alternatives work.
3. Hand express as needed: Relieve discomfort without signaling your body to make more milk.
4. Observe for discomfort: Engorgement, plugged ducts, or mastitis require attention.

Related reading: How to Support Your Baby During Weaning: Expert Tips for a Smooth Transition

How to Safely Reduce Milk Supply While Weaning

Nazca Fontes: What are practical tips to reduce milk supply safely?

Abby Theuring: Start by cutting pumping time slowly — 20 minutes to 15, then 10. Hand express just enough to relieve discomfort without signaling your body to make more milk. Reduce sessions gradually — this applies whether you’re pumping or breastfeeding. Keep the baby’s age and nutritional needs in mind.

Tactical Tips for Gradual Reduction:

• Reduce pumping or nursing time gradually (e.g., 20 min → 15 min → 10 min).
• Hand express just enough to relieve discomfort.
• Step back one session at a time.
• Monitor your body for signs of engorgement or pain.

Tip: The body responds to demand — remove only enough milk to stay comfortable.

Related reading: How to Stop Pumping: A Gentle, Effective Guide to Weaning

Physical Changes During Weaning

Nazca Fontes: What physical changes should women expect besides engorgement and mastitis?

Abby Theuring: Breasts may sag or appear uneven as milk supply drops. It’s normal. Engorgement and mastitis are most important to watch for, but these subtle changes are a natural part of weaning.

The Importance of Community and Support

Nazca Fontes: How important is community support during this transition?

Abby Theuring: The internet offers connection but can spread harmful advice. Moms’ groups can be supportive but also share misinformation. Always verify with a lactation consultant. If in doubt, email me at thebadassbreastfeeder@gmail.com — I can help you get professional guidance.

Suppressing Lactation: Tips for Women Choosing Not to Breastfeed

Nazca Fontes: What if you’re not planning to breastfeed or pump? How can women safely suppress lactation?

Abby Theuring: If you’re a surrogate or a mom who chooses not to continue a lactation journey, focus on relief without stimulation. Hand express just enough to ease pressure, but avoid fully emptying the breast, which signals your body to continue producing milk. If you need help, hospital lactation consultants are an excellent resource — especially during the “fourth trimester,” when your body is transitioning after delivery.

Weaning While Preparing for Surrogacy

Nazca Fontes: How should women who are still breastfeeding and want to become surrogates approach weaning?

Abby Theuring: The process is the same as anyone else. Your body will go through the same changes. Excitement for surrogacy may help emotionally, but it’s normal to feel sadness. Suppression may take a little longer for some women.

Related reading: Learn more about the surrogacy process.

Key Takeaways: Consult a Lactation Expert

Nazca Fontes: What’s your main message for women in the breastfeeding community?

Abby Theuring: See a lactation consultant. Don’t go through breastfeeding or weaning alone. Whether you’re starting, ending, or somewhere in between, professional guidance is invaluable. Online consultations are also available, often at reasonable cost.

No matter where you are in your lactation journey — breastfeeding, pumping, weaning, or preparing for surrogacy — the most important thing to remember is that your timeline belongs to you. The right time to wean is the time that works best for you and your child. When you’re ready, begin at a pace that feels comfortable and lean on a lactation consultant for personalized support. And remember a powerful piece of wisdom from Abby: the clock is your friend.

Weaning takes time, and offering yourself grace through any emotional ups and downs — including guilt — is part of the process.

Getting Support for Your Weaning-to-Surrogacy Timeline

Many women consider becoming surrogates while they are still breastfeeding or pumping. Agencies like ConceiveAbilities design flexible surrogacy journeys that honor both the emotional weight of weaning and the medical realities of IVF timing. If you’re planning to become a gestational carrier while still producing milk, look for an agency that creates a personalized timeline instead of asking you to rush the weaning process.

At ConceiveAbilities, you’ll work with a team that helps you develop a thoughtful plan that respects your breastfeeding or pumping journey while preparing you for a successful surrogacy experience. The goal is to support you through each step so the transition from lactation to surrogacy happens at the right moment for you and your family.

Learn more about becoming a surrogate and how ConceiveAbilities can support your full lactation-to-surrogacy transition.

More Lactation Resources:

• Join the Badass Breastfeeding Community
• Learn more about weaning tips and lactation support
• Explore becoming a surrogate
• Join the Milk Donation Challenge

Not all weaning looks the same. In fact, the way you choose — or need — to wean can shape the entire experience for both you and your baby. Two common approaches are gradual weaning and abrupt weaning, and understanding the difference can help families make informed, compassionate decisions.

Lactation specialist Dianne Cassidy provides an easy-to-follow plan to gradually decrease milk production while minimizing discomfort and supporting hormonal balance.

Gradual Weaning Tips for a Smooth Transition

Gradual weaning typically means removing one nursing session every few days. This slower approach allows your body time to adjust and can make the emotional transition smoother as well.

For many families, gradual weaning feels more manageable because:

• Your hormones shift more slowly
• You have time to observe and respond to your baby’s cues
• Your baby has a gentler adjustment away from something that’s been comforting and familiar

Gradual weaning is often recommended when possible because it tends to be easier on both parent and baby.

Abrupt Weaning: What to Know Before Stopping Suddenly

Abrupt weaning means exactly what it sounds like:
Stopping breastfeeding suddenly, sometimes in a single day.

There are situations where abrupt weaning becomes necessary — medical reasons, emergencies, or personal circumstances. But when it’s avoidable, it’s important to understand what this approach can bring:

• Intense hormonal shifts that may cause physical discomfort or mood changes
• Breast fullness or engorgement, which can be painful
• A more emotionally challenging experience for the baby, who may struggle with the sudden loss of a familiar source of comfort and nourishment

Since breastfeeding is all a baby has known for months, abruptly removing it can make the transition especially difficult for them.

If You’re Deciding Between the Two

There is no one “right” way to wean. Every parent and baby is different, and sometimes circumstances guide the decision more than preference. What matters most is understanding the implications so you can make the choice that feels safest and most supportive for your family.

Managing Tantrums and Pushback During Weaning

One of the most challenging parts of weaning isn’t the physical transition — it’s the emotional one, especially for your child. Nursing is more than food; it’s comfort, connection, and a familiar routine. When that begins to change, it’s normal for little ones to resist.

Setting Boundaries: A Key Part of the Process

A helpful step in weaning is creating clear, predictable boundaries around when nursing will and won’t happen. These boundaries might look like:

• “We only nurse at home now.”
• “We only nurse before naps.”
• “We only nurse during the daytime.”

Whatever you choose, the goal is to help your child understand that nursing is no longer available on demand. This gives them a sense of structure during a time that can feel confusing.

Expect Pushback (It’s Normal!)

Whenever boundaries shift — especially around something so comforting — many children react with:

• Protests
• Tears
• Frustration
• Tantrums

This behavior isn’t a failure on your part or a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It’s simply your child expressing big feelings about a big change.

Consistency Is Everything

Parents often hear this during toddlerhood, and it applies just as much to weaning:
Consistency is key.

If the boundary is “no nursing outside the home,” but you occasionally give in during difficult moments, your child receives mixed signals. That can lead to:

• More confusion
• More tantrums
• And often… starting the process over again

Staying consistent — warmly, patiently, and calmly — helps your child learn what to expect and makes the transition smoother in the long run.

Be Patient With Yourself and Your Child

This is something your child has done since birth. Letting go of it can feel huge. Expect some turmoil, both from them and within yourself.

Your patience, presence, and reassurance can make even the hardest moments more manageable. And remember: tantrums don’t mean you’re doing it wrong — they mean your child feels safe enough to express themselves fully.

Sometimes milk production begins even when you don’t plan to breastfeed or pump — such as in the case of surrogacy, adoption, or personal choice. If you’re not actively removing milk, your body will eventually stop producing it, but the first few days can feel uncomfortable as your milk “comes in.”

Lactation expert Dianne Cassidy explains how to safely and gradually reduce milk production without triggering your supply to increase.

The Goal: Ease Discomfort Without Stimulating More Milk

When milk first comes in, your breasts may feel full, firm, swollen, or tender. The key is to manage the pressure without fully emptying the breasts. Fully emptying them signals your body to keep making more milk — the opposite of what you want.

Here’s what to do instead:

1. Use Gentle Hand Expression

A small amount of hand expression can help relieve pressure.
The goal is not to empty your breasts — just release enough milk to stay comfortable.

2. If Needed, Pump Very Slightly

In some cases, a brief, minimal pumping session might help relieve fullness.
Again: do not pump until empty. Stopping too early is what slows production; emptying tells your body to ramp up supply.

Why You Should Leave the Breasts Partially Full

When your breasts stay somewhat full, your body receives the message:
“We don’t need this much milk.”

That triggers the natural down-regulation process, meaning each day your body will make less and less. This is exactly what you want when the goal is to stop producing milk altogether.

Managing Swelling and Discomfort

During the first few days, it’s common to feel swollen, engorged, or uncomfortable. You can ease this by:

• Applying ice packs to the breasts for short intervals
• Wearing a supportive — not tight — bra
• Using gentle hand expression only when absolutely necessary
• Avoiding heat or long, hot showers on the breasts (heat can increase flow)

These strategies help reduce inflammation and prevent overstimulation.

How Long Does It Take?

Most people find that after a few days of careful pressure management and minimal expression, their milk production starts to drop noticeably. For some, the process continues over a week or two as the body completes the transition.

Remember: Less Stimulation = Less Milk

With patience and the right approach, your body will naturally slow and eventually stop milk production. The focus is on comfort, not emptying — and with a little time, the process becomes much easier.

For more guidance on gentle milk suppression and stress-free weaning, visit ConceiveAbilities.com.

Whether you’re transitioning back to work, your baby is nearing a new milestone, or you’re simply ready to retire the pump, stopping pumping is a process that requires planning and patience. Just like weaning from nursing, your body needs time to adjust. The key? Slow and steady.

Lactation expert Dianne Cassidy offers a clear, simple approach to help your body gradually reduce milk production without discomfort or hormonal upheaval.

Gradually Reduce Pumping Sessions

Instead of quitting pumping all at once, which can lead to engorgement, clogged ducts, or hormonal swings, focus on cutting back little by little.

If a parent is pumping three times a day for 20 minutes each, here’s how the transition typically looks:

1. Step 1: Reduce each session from 20 minutes to 10 minutes, keeping the same number of sessions per day.
2. Step 2: After your body adjusts, reduce further to 5 minutes, still three times per day.
3. Step 3: Once that feels comfortable, remove one pump session completely, leaving two sessions.
4. Step 4: Slowly shorten or remove additional sessions until you’re fully finished.

This pacing helps your body regulate milk production naturally, lowering your risk of discomfort and allowing your hormones to balance out gradually.

Plan Ahead for a Stress-Free Pumping Wean

In most cases, the full process of stopping pumping should unfold over a few weeks. This timeline gives your body the chance to adapt without stress.

For example, if a parent has a goal of stopping pumping at work when their baby turns one, Dianne Cassidy recommends starting around 11 months. Beginning early ensures:

• You avoid rushing the process
• Your body responds comfortably
• You reach your goal on time
• You minimize the risk of engorgement or mastitis

Be Patient With Your Body During the Pumping Transition

Removing pump sessions takes time, and your body responds uniquely to each change. It’s completely normal for some days to feel easier than others. What matters most is moving at a pace that feels manageable and supportive for your physical and emotional well-being.

For more tips on gentle weaning from pumping or managing milk supply, visit ConceiveAbilities.com

Weaning from breastfeeding or pumping can feel like uncharted territory. Board certified lactation consultant Dianne Cassidy, IBCLC shares her best weaning tips for parents. Here’s five tips on how to keep your baby comfortable — and your bond strong — through the transition.

1. Consider Your Child’s Age and Emotional Needs

If you’re weaning an older baby (around 12 months old), they’ve likely grown used to the comfort and connection that nursing provides. That means it’s especially important to replace that bonding time with other forms of closeness.

2. Replace the Snuggle Time, Not Just the Feeding

Nursing isn’t just about nutrition — it’s also about cuddles, warmth, and one-on-one attention. Many parents find that replacing one mid-afternoon nursing session with a story and cuddle works wonders. To help ease the transition, intentionally create new bonding routines:

• Read books together
• Cuddle on the couch
• Rock in a chair
• Spend focused, loving time connecting

This helps ensure that while the feeding is changing, the quality time is not being lost.

3. Start With the Easiest Feeding to Drop

When cutting back on nursing sessions, begin with the feeding your child is least attached to — often a mid-afternoon nursing session. You can:

• Offer a snack
• Provide a drink in a cup
• Distract with play
• Go to a different room, away from the usual nursing spot

Skip the usual nursing spots like your baby’s favorite nursing chair or cues to help reduce automatic requests to nurse.

4. Move Slowly, One Feeding at a Time

Once you’ve successfully eliminated one feeding, move on to the next least-preferred session. Gradual weaning is gentler and typically easier on both parent and child.

5. Save the Hardest Feedings for Last

Morning and nighttime nursing sessions are often the toughest to let go of because they’re so deeply tied to comfort and routine. These feedings may take more patience and consistency.

Knowing these will be the most challenging helps you approach them with compassion and a realistic timeline.

For more tips on gentle weaning and supporting your baby’s emotional needs, visit ConceiveAbilities.com.

Guilt is one of the most common emotions moms face when they’re thinking about ending their breastfeeding journey. Even when they know it’s the right time, those feelings can still creep in. However, moms deserve far more celebration than self-criticism.

Here’s how to shift from guilt to gratitude for everything you’ve accomplished:

1. Acknowledge What You’ve Already Achieved

One of the most powerful ways to release guilt is to recognize how much you’ve done. Breastfeeding — whether for six months, a year, a year and a half, two years, or any amount of time — is a tremendous commitment. It takes time, energy, patience, and physical and emotional effort.

Every feeding session added up to something meaningful.

2. Celebrate Your Milestone

Reaching any breastfeeding goal — big or small — is a milestone worth celebrating. Many moms underestimate just how much dedication it takes to get there.

Whether you breastfed for a few months or several years, you gave your baby nourishment, comfort, and connection. That’s something to be proud of.

3. Remind Yourself That Your Feelings Are Normal

Guilt often shows up during transitions, especially those tied to motherhood. Dianne Cassidy reminds moms that these feelings are common and completely normal. But normal doesn’t mean they’re true.

Wanting to stop breastfeeding doesn’t mean you love your child any less.
It doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It simply means that you’ve reached a new point in your journey.

4. Focus on What Your Baby Has Gained, Not What’s Ending

If guilt shows up, shift your perspective:

• Look at all the months (or years) of nourishment you provided.
• Think about the bond you built with your child.
• Recognize the dedication it took to get where you are.

Your baby has already received so much from you. That doesn’t disappear when breastfeeding ends.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Move Forward

Ending breastfeeding is not a failure — it’s a transition. And transitions are a natural part of parenting.

You’ve done something incredible. Now it’s time to give yourself the same compassion you’ve given your baby.

Wondering if it’s time to wean? Find expert-backed weaning resources at ConceiveAbilities.com.