In my life experience, most of my expectations didn’t happen. And mostly it ended up disappointing me. I hate expectations. But, in reality, humans are the creatures who always make an assumption.

Expectations are simply assumptions while acceptance involves tolerance, gratitude, endurance, giving, and taking.

Acceptance doesn’t mean accepting everything as it is without making an effort to move forward in the journey. Acceptance means to look within yourself as you move forward in your journey.

For the sake of your feelings and mental health, lower your expectations and accept the reality. Often it is the expectations that make your life more harsh. Not the reality itself. But, don’t lower your standard. You might lower your expectations toward something but don’t lower your expectations toward yourself.

Instead of expecting something out of your control will help you or something good will come to you, accept the situation and make an effort of it.

Effort > Acceptance > Expectation

High expectation + low effort = unfulfilled

Low expectation + high effort = fulfilled

“No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance.” -Robert Holden

Start with accepting the situation, accept yourself and your surroundings. Not expecting everything will change and get better for you. Make an effort by yourself. You’re the only one who can make yourself better.

Accept everything and keep moving forward in your journey.

Good luck and have a beautiful life!

Smart = know how to win every battle

Wise = knowing which battle not to fight

Winning the battle isn’t everything. You might lose the battle but that doesn’t make you lose the war.

There must be some reason why you battle over something. Not everything is the competition. There are battles you should fight and win, there are battles you should lose to gain something more valuable than winning it, and there are battles you should avoid because it didn’t give you any value and just waste your energy and time.

Smart = having a great amount of knowledge

Wise = having the ability to apply the knowledge

Simply consuming information from the internet, books, class, and so on might make you smart but not a wise individual.

True knowledge and wisdom are when you can make the right decision in a situation. The decision taken by a wise person is not independent, the decision was created because it was the culmination of many other decisions that preceded it and it will be the basis for many subsequent decisions.

True knowledge and wisdom come from experience. From implementing and consciously practicing the knowledge or skill. It is shaped by making many mistakes and errors but keep fixing them.

Smart = know all the answer

Wise = knowing which question to answer

You have to differentiate between what requires silence, what requires an answer, and what requires an explanation.

Don’t waste your energy to answer those stupid questions.

Answer the question if it needed to be answered and explain it if it needed the explanation.

How do I fix it?

I should start it again regardless of the time and the result. Hell no to perfectionism! I do and produce what I can, and that’s okay, the important thing is progress.

To be able to be productive for a whole day is to build momentum, and start with easy and small tasks first. Momentum makes it easier for you to do the next tasks. It’s because you feel like a champion, you beat your mood. Your self-confidence increases. After all, you completed the task that was supposed to be completed. Your self-confidence would increase when you did what you thought you should do.

Remember those days when you finished all the tasks. Remember that day when you have excellent productivity. Remember the happiness, the joy, the fulfillment because you do the action.

There will be times when we feel burnout in the middle of the day because we have completed many tasks. When burnout arrives, take a break, you deserve it. Just don’t rest too much. Start again and build again after it. No matter the time, the result, the performance… Start it again and just do it without thinking about it too much.

I was supposed to write 1st draft of this medium post yesterday. But I messed up and didn’t finish all of my tasks yesterday. Now I wrote it suddenly, without a neat and clear plan, but I still wrote it and uploaded it straight away. Why? because my target today is the day I publish my writing on medium.

Regardless of the result, my goal is on the income (effort) I do, not the outcome.

You ate delicious food, random people smile at you, and you buy a drink with a discount. Then, you might forget those good feelings you have because one stranger accidentally bumped into you or one of your friends didn’t reply to your message.

See more broadly, feel more. Don’t be stingy with good things. We must be fair to the good things as we pay attention to the bad things.

I understand that it feels suck when bad things happened to the ‘self’. But, when I more focus on the good thing, It didn’t drain my energy as when I more focus on the bad thing. Of course, we can’t ignore the bad thing. But don’t waste your energy more on it.

Don’t let 24 seconds event in your day ruin 24 hours of your day.

Start practicing gratitude every day.

In my case, I start it with write 3 gratitude. No matter how bad my day is. I write 3 gratitude even if it is a small thing.

Being grateful is powerful.

Gratitude is the foundation of happiness and joyful life.

Happiness is something I won’t find if I keep searching for it. It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. Happiness is not something that I pursue, it is something I allow. Happiness is just being and happiness starts from gratitude.

Be grateful always. Smile more. It can change your life. With gratitude, you can be happier.

Living well is a must and it is my responsibility.

Remember that I live not only for myself but also for my family, for the people surrounding me who live in my life, and for God. Yes, I believe in God and I’m a religious person.

These are the components we should fulfill and take care of in our life:

1. Spiritual

Mind — Heart — God — Religion

Heart and mind are the roots of ourselves.

No matter what your condition is, if your heart and mind are bad, then your life is not a good life. A good life starts from our hearts and mind.

For God and Religion, it depends on your belief.

But for me, I am a Muslim, and I believe in God and religion. I will not talk about God and Religion here. But in my case, Islam teaches me everything about life. It guides me to a peaceful beautiful life.

2. Healthiness

Physical and Mental Health

Physical Health

Physical health gives me freedom.

When we get sick, there will be some freedom taken away.

When it comes to age… age is indeed not in our hands, it’s a mysterious thing in life. We don’t when we will die. But keeping healthy is worship.

Having a healthy physique really helps me in living my life. Having a healthy physique is much more fun and happier than having an unhealthy physique. It gives you more energy.

So stay healthy to live a life better.

Mental Health

It can be said mental health is much more important than physical health.

Although physically sick but mentally healthy, I will still be able to live my life positively. It’s different if I’m physically healthy but mentally sick, I will live my life full of misery and negativities.

Indeed, mental health is more important, but that doesn’t mean we can ignore physical health. They are related to each other.

Mental health is crucial. But, being healthy physically and mentally, can lead to a joyful life.

3. Relationship

Family — Partner — Friends — Colleague — People

Family & Partner

For me, a harmonious relationship with family & partner is the most important thing. Both are priority relationships.

Why? Because family & partner are those who make me feel at home. They are the people who love me the most. I have to be able to keep that love. Without family & partner, obviously, we can still live life. But without them, life becomes heavier and can make me feel empty.

Family & partner are there to love and to be loved with great affection. They are one of the reasons and become the energy to live life.

So lucky for the people who have a wonderful family and partner. Protect them!

Friends-Colleague-People

Harmonious relationships with other people are also important like harmonious relationships with family & partners, even though relationships with other people are not as prioritized as relationships with family & partners.

Communication skill is crucial in this component.

The fact is, I can’t live alone. To be able to work, make friends, and communicate with other people is a crucial thing in life.

Communicating with others is like a heartbeat. It should not stop, if it stops then the relationship can stop or be cut off.

We are social creatures.

We need each other. Life would be boring without people existing in our life.

4. Finance

Needs — Wants — Alms

Life is not completely free.

Directly or indirectly, many decisions in our life are related to money.

We need to meet our needs for survival.

Needs are always the priority, wants are only desires. For me, I will use my money for something that can improve the quality of my life.

Then, in Islam that I profess, 2.5% of my money is not mine. Therefore I need to dedicate at least 2.5% of my possessions to people in need.

So I need to take care of my finance to fulfill my needs, wants, and alms.

Set your financial priorities so that your life is more controlled when it comes to money.

5. Career

The main journey in living life is to meet the needs of life.

It is important to have a career. To have a job. Even though you’re not your job, you make money to live from your job.

It’s up to you to have a job that you don’t like or to have a job that you like. Both are okay. But, you should do the work that you want to do. It can be from your main job or your side project.

A career is the way you live. Choose your career wisely. No matter what your job is, you can do and you should do the work you wanna do.

6. Hobby

Excitement in your life to keep you sane and make your life more exciting

Hobbies are important.

Hobbies should make you happy, passionate, and mindful.

The hobby can make you in the present.

A hobby is something that gives you a special feeling. It shapes you as a person.

Have several hobbies so your life would be more joyful.

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As always, you can disagree with me. This is just my opinion and understanding about components in life that I should fulfill and take responsibility for to have a well life. It’s not a piece of advice. Hope my sharing is useful. Thank you for reading my writing. Follow for more!

I can study in Japan because of my high school. I have no will and plan to study abroad since I’m not confident with my English and I’m not independent enough to live alone at that time.

But I didn’t think, that god has another plan, a better plan.

My plan after high school is to continue studying at one of the top universities in Indonesia and it is located in my hometown majoring in business. Even though the competition is huge, I’m not looking for other alternative campuses because I believe that if I focus on studying I can get into the campus that I want with the major that I want.

I’m not seeking for other opportunities but that opportunity came to me.

One of the well-known campuses in Hyogo (Japan) came to my high school offering the opportunity to study at their campus with the global business course that they will be starting in 2019. Thanks to my friend who invited me to try the interview. I accepted her invitation because the major is business. I’m still insecure with my English but luckily, I have the will to practice before the interview day.

Finally, I feel the fruit of my practice. My interview went quite smoothly even though there were some obstacles due to my English. But thanks to my practice and the positive energy that I showed during the interview, I managed to convince the professors who interviewed me.

Yes, I got accepted and become the 1st generation of that course. It took me more than 1 month after the announcement that I got accepted to come to the final decision that I will give up on my 1st plan and go with the plan that I was most scared of.

For the 1st year, all international students will get a semester discount scholarship of 50%. Then in the second year and the following year, 30% of the highest grades from the previous accumulation will get a 100% semester discount scholarship for the first year.

I struggled a lot in my 1st year since my English is still not good enough. At that time it was difficult for me to understand academic texts. It was difficult to fully understand what the lecturer said. I need to study twice or more to understand the lecture.

As expected, I didn’t get the 100% scholarship for my second year. But fortunately, I can continue to live freely and study in Japan because of the privilege that I got from my mom even though my mother’s income has decreased due to Covid-19.

In my second year, while some of my friends start to do a part-time job, I chose to explore, study more, and try something new with myself. That’s because I have the freedom to choose and not do part-time jobs because my finances are secure. Because my finances are secure, I have the freedom to use the time I have.

I push myself to read self-development books in English, watch English videos with English subtitles, learn and take a note lot, and I braved myself to talk more in class regardless of my grammar that is not proper.

The result? I got several scholarships that gave me pocket money and after the second year finished, I got into the top 30% ranking and got a 100% scholarship for the third year. And I got it again in my fourth year.

I’m lucky that I have the privilege that I got from my mom. In the beginning, I’m scared to study abroad in Japan. So much insecurity and anxiety haunted me. I’m scared that I will fail to study abroad because of my English.

But I remember again, that there was an opportunity that came to me. That means God has given me a way, and that way I can surely pass. Plus, I’m privileged to go study abroad.

Being privileged means that I am given a special opportunity by God and I have to be responsible for it. Gratitude is not only expressed in words, it also needs to be shown by action. Of course the best action.

1 | English

English is a global language. That’s what makes being able to use English is crucial in the globalization era.

Language is a door.

Mastering any language will open many opportunities.

In my 1st year, I struggled to socialize and study at college because my English is not good enough. I’m studying global business in Japan but all the classes are conducted in English. Yes, it is an international major. At that time it was difficult for me to understand academic texts. It was difficult to fully understand what the lecturer and my friends said. Group work was fun, but I struggled so much. I need to study twice or more to understand the lecture.

Not being proficient in English influenced my self-confidence and willingness to do something related to English.

Now, I’m a 4th year in will graduate this year. After 2 years I struggled with English, I push myself to learn and use my English regardless of my grammar that is not proper, I talked a lot in class, I listened and watched more entertainment in English, and I took a note so I can review again what I’d learned to master it.

Now English has become my 2nd brain while my 1st brain is Indonesian.

Learning a language requires time, patience, consistency, and willingness to push yourself to make a lot of mistakes and socialize more with the language you’re learning.

Don’t be scared of people will judge you. No one care. In reality, some of them will laugh, but they also will be impressed by seeing your effort to use the language that you’re studying even if you made a thousand mistakes.

2 | The habit to procrastinate

At the moment, it feels good, relaxing, and comfortable to procrastinate your task.

But in the end, when I procrastinate on my tasks, I will become stressed, pressured, and have less freedom.

The habit of procrastinating gives birth to regrets in my life.

Then how can I get out of my procrastination?

• I push myself slowly but surely.
• I create momentum by finishing small easy tasks before the priority one.
• I create a clear deadline and timetable.
• I recalled the feeling of regret for procrastinating.
• I set a mindset that if I lost my money, I can earn it again. But if I lost my time, I can’t earn it again.

Trust me, a painful life is a life full of regrets.

3 | Being a people pleaser and hesitating to ask for help

When I do or do something because I want to please people which means I actually don’t want to do it but I still do it. It usually makes me feel uncomfortable and emotional when I do it. I have uneasy feelings while doing it, and I will complain a lot. The result, it would not have the best outcome when I do it. Because of that, when I feel when you feel compelled to do it, I would say no.

In the past, I hesitate a lot to ask for help. It’s not because of my pride, rather it’s because I feel guilty.

“I’m afraid to trouble you.”

“I don’t want to bother you.”

“I feel bad.”

That’s the thought that was holding me to ask for help. I understand that I need help. I’m incompetent to do it by myself. I accepted my weakness. And rejection didn’t scare me. But, I have a bad thought or assumption that people will help me because they’re compelled to.

Like me in some of my cases in the past. I have no will but still helping people. Of course not in every case I have no will to help. I just will help people when I’m capable to help.

What’s holding me back to ask for help is I’m scared that people would think they should help me and I’m bothering them.

Whereas, in reality, when I hesitate to ask for help it means I closed the opportunity for someone to be a helper.

To make it easier for me and for the person that I’m asking for help, I will ask them without hesitation and say that It’s okay if they can’t help me.

That way, they will not feel bad for me when they can’t or won’t help me.

It also applies to me. When I can and I want to help, I will say yes and help them. But when I can’t help or I won’t, I would say no without feeling guilty.

It’s not a big deal. don’t take things personally.

Each person has their own value, strength, weakness, and their own characteristics.

There are a few ways to know and understand people’s characteristics For me, these are the top 10 to know and understand someone’s characteristics:

1. What they do & their problem.
2. Their priority.
3. How they react to something.
4. How they treat themselves & other people.
5. Their habits & behavior.
6. What they watch and what they usually listen to.
7. What do they eat & drink.
8. What they’re thinking about and the way of their thinking.
9. What do they talk about and how do they speak.
10. How is their room + their fashion style.

From the complexity of our lives, those are the top 10 that can impact each person’s characteristics. To simplify, we are what we consume and what our lifestyle is.

It is clear that what we consume can impact the human body biologically and spiritually. Healthy food leads to a healthy body and mind. Which will impact our mood also. Your thought and mind is the result of your experience and your knowledge. So when you want to increase the quality of your thought mind what you read, what you listen to, and what you watch.

Now, how about lifestyle? Someone said we can’t choose our lifestyle because it is given to us by the world. And someone said we can choose our lifestyle regardless of what is happening to us.

I agree with the second argument. Indeed, our environment, our condition, and what is happening around us impact our lifestyle. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t choose our lifestyle. We can choose our lifestyle. We can adjust to it and find a way to change and live the lifestyle we want to live.

Lifestyle is the tendencies of thought and action in life.

Lifestyle can be interpreted as a person’s personality; more broadly, it is a word that encompasses that person’s worldview and their outlook on life (Sentence from the book: The Courage To Be Disliked).

Lifestyle

the way one’s life should be.

In Adlerian psychology, lifestyle is thought of as something that you choose for yourself.

You choose your lifestyle.

The fact that you are the one who decided your lifestyle, and no one else.

If your lifestyle were determined by other people or your environment, it would certainly be possible to shift responsibility. But we choose our lifestyles ourselves. It’s clear where the responsibility lies.

You can decide your characteristics and trait by minding those things. Choose wisely and train it.

It takes time.

Dalam bercocok tanam dan memanen itu tidak hanya tergantung pada petaninya saja, tapi ada banyak aspek lain yang mempengaruhi panen seperti; cuaca, kesuburan tanah, hewan sekitar, dan tentunya izin yang Maha Kuasa.

Ada yang mengatakan bahwa dunia ini adil. Dan ada pula yang mengatakan bahwa dunia ini tidak adil. Mau bagaimana pun ada campur tangan keberuntungan di dunia ini. Tapi keberuntungan bukanlah yang utama.

Apa yang ditanam itulah yang akan dituai. Tidak mungkin menanam padi akan tumbuh menjadi pohon jati. Untuk bisa menumbuhkan padi itu sampai matang menghasilkan beras, memerlukan banyak usaha dan ada banyak komponen yang ikut campur dalam keberhasilan panen.

Dalam pendidikan sekolah atau menjadi karyawan selalu diajarkan kalau kita pasti akan mendapatkan. Belajar untuk ujian akan mendapatkan hasil bagus saat ujian. Harus Bekerja agar mendapatkan hasil setiap bulannya. Enak sekali mendapatkan nilai dan mendapatkan gaji itu pasti. Namun sayangnya, dalam hidup ini itu seperti berkebun atau bertani. Tidak ada kepastian absolut panen.

Kita akan menuai atas apa yang telah kita tanam. Tapi kita belum tentu bisa menuai semua atas apa yang telah kita tanam.

You only responsible for the effort, not the outcome. -Dato Sri Vijay Eswaran

Sekarang pikirkanlah ini:

jika saya ingin menuai ___ saya harus menanam___

jika saya ingin mendapatkan___saya harus melakukan___

jika saya ingin menjadi___saya harus bisa___

Manusia hanya bisa berusaha. Hasil tetap ditangan tuhan. Jadikanlah usaha itu sebagai ibadah.

Kalau kamu berubah, orang-orang disekitarmu akan berubah juga. Daripada menunggu orang lain berubah atau menunggu situasi berubah, ambillah langkah pertama ke depan sendiri untuk berubah. Tentu berubah ke arah yang lebih baik.

Jika kamu berubah, duniamu pun akan berubah. Artinya duniamu hanya bisa diubah olehmu dan tidak ada orang lain yang akan mengubahnya untukmu. Tapi ingat, sekalipun kamu berubah, hanya ‘kamu’ yang berubah. Kamu adalah satu-satunya yang dapat mengubah dirimu sendiri. Meski hanya ‘kamu’ yang berubah, sekitarmu atau duniamu akan berubah.

Contoh kecilnya adalah bila kamu ingin membuat orang-orang yakin denganmu, kamu dulu yang harus yakin sama diri sendiri. Bila kamu ingin membuat orang-orang tersenyum kepadamu, kamu dulu yang harus tersenyum kepada mereka.

Langkah pertama untuk berubah adalah mengetahui.

Mengetahui kenapa harus berubah, apa yang harus dirubah, dan bagaimana cara mengubahnya.

Sayangnya, mayoritas orang selalu memilih untuk tidak berubah. Itu bukan karena mereka tidak bisa. Mereka hanya kurang berani dan ingin tetap berada di zona nyaman mereka karena berubah itu perlu usaha yang menguras tenaga, pikiran, dan mental.

Aku tidak dapat berubah karena aku sendiri terus berulang kali mengambil keputusan untuk tidak berubah. Aku tidak memiliki cukup keberanian untuk memilih gaya hidup baru. Aku tidak memiliki cukup keberanian untuk bahagia, dan itulah mengapa aku tidak bahagia.

Jelas ‘aku’ yang membuat hidup menjadi rumit, menyabotase diri dan membuat hidup tidak memuaskan maupun membahagiakan.

Langkah kedua untuk berubah adalah melakukan perubahan secara perlahan atau dengan kata lain, melakukan perubahan dari perubahan-perubahan kecil terlebih dahulu.

Sudah banyak kasus ketika seseorang melakukan perubahan mereka melakukannya secara gila-gilaan, terlalu memaksakan diri sampai pada akhirnya mereka berhenti melakukan perubahan itu dan kembali ke ‘diri’ mereka yang sebelumnya.

Memang untuk berubah itu diperlukan paksaan dorongan agar kita dapat berubah. Namun, energi kita untuk dapat menjawab dorongan paksaan itu ada batasnya. Karena itu, mulailah dari perubahan-perubahan kecil terlebih dahulu. Yang penting adalah memulainya. Tidak peduli seberapa kecil atau besar perubahan tersebut.

“Seseorang harus memulai. Orang lain mungkin tidak kooperatif, tetapi itu tidak ada hubungannya dengan Anda. Saran saya adalah ini: Anda harus mulai. Tanpa memperhatikan apakah orang lain kooperatif atau tidak.” -Adler

Dan langkah ketiga untuk berubah adalah konsisten dan terus mengembangkan perubahan itu.

Konsistensi akan membawamu kepada destinasi yang motivasi tidak bisa membawamu kesana. Konsistensi akan mengantarkanmu kepada suatu tempat yang jauh yang mungkin kamu tidak percaya bahwa kamu akan bisa sampai di tempat itu.

Konsistensi harus diiringi dengan pengembangan agar perubahan menjadi lebih cepat, lebih efektif, dan lebih hebat pada akhirnya.

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Sejatinya manusia itu bisa berubah. Setiap orang selalu memilih gaya hidup mereka sendiri. Mereka memilih gaya hidup mereka sendiri dan kamu pun harus memilih gaya hidupmu sendiri. Gaya hidup seperti apa yang kamu pilih?

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