There’s a common pattern I’ve noticed: we learn the lingo, the terms, the understanding, but sometimes it gets used in ways that feel performative. It can show up as clickbait, self-proclaimed guru culture, or even avoidant behaviour. Sometimes this happens when we’re doing the work and we’re met with that excitement that comes from noticing the benefits, and we want to share it with everyone. This can manifest as oversharing or inserting our own lessons onto others, hoping they will see what we can see. But the reality is, everyone has their own unique path, and two people can go through the same experience yet take away something different. When we share our growth to show others how far we’ve come, or to seek validation by trying to prove something, it often repels rather than attracts. The real question becomes: who are we doing the work for: ourselves, or someone else? And what is our intention behind the work we do, what do we hope to experience as a result?

While in this context, performance can come from a place of low self-worth or this desire to belong, it can also show up in the form of competition and arrogance. Sometimes this happens unconsciously; our society is so drenched in this idea of hierarchy, from gold stars in school to likes on social media to popularity contests. It can leave us feeling like we’re never enough and that we constantly have to try to win others over. But add in charm, charisma, or kindness, and it can be easy to fall into a form of saviour or martyr syndrome, or even get caught up in masks that protect one’s image or hide shadows we don’t want others, or even ourselves, to see. This can manifest as steering or manipulating the lens of awareness, convincing ourselves and others to see the world through a distorted view. Sometimes awareness allows others to bypass what’s actually going on by using deflection, often leaving people feeling gaslit or questioning their own reality.

It’s a hard truth to see, but once you notice it, it’s hard to un-see. There’s a saying one of my yoga teachers used to quote: “You can do a handstand and still be an a-hole.” Just because someone is doing all the work doesn’t mean they’re actually applying it. To be clear, someone can do a handstand and be a genuinely great person, but the handstand isn’t the point. It’s about how they show up in the work and the depth of their presence.

Awareness is a powerful tool, but it depends on our relationship to it, whether it’s supporting us or feeding into a cycle that dismisses, avoids, or bypasses reality. When we look at what awareness offers, it’s linked with mindfulness, observation, and self-reflection.

It’s useful to have awareness of things like attachment styles (secure, avoidant, anxious) and behavioural types (narcissists, gaslighting, passive-aggressive tendencies, etc.) as it can help us validate experiences, make sense of things we might not have understood, and see through a wider lens. It can help protect us from harmful patterns and behaviours, but it can also confront us with hard truths about ourselves, acting as a catalyst for growth. Awareness can then help us practice discernment and support healthy boundaries. And while it’s important to have this awareness and knowledge, sometimes these terms get thrown around aimlessly, without full understanding, and end up being used to bypass or punish others, or allow someone to play the role of victim because they either don’t feel comfortable looking inward or they have no desire to. This can manifest in two major ways: using labels as identity markers or as a way to avoid self-reflection.

One of my favourite examples is an old meme: “I’m a Scorpio, so I’m a btch,” to which the reply is, “No, you’re just a btch.” (No hate to any Scorpios out there.) Similarly, attachment styles can be misused as personality traits. While attachment styles can shift through experiences and inner work, it’s our attachment to them that keeps patterns active. And while shifting isn’t as simple as deciding, “Okay, I’ll change my attachment style today,” our attachment style can change with support (sometimes with the help of a clinical practitioner), conscious awareness and the environment we’re in. It requires accountability, noticing patterns when triggered, and showing up in ways that allow us to experience what we truly want from a loving place rather than a fearful one. It’s recognizing that triggers will rise, but it’s owning our part in it. It may not be easy work, but it is possible to shift; however, part of that also depends on those we’re connecting with, if they are allowing for that space as well.

Awareness allows us to pause, reflect, and observe. Some questions we might ask ourselves include: Does this pattern, experience, or opportunity serve the life I want to create? Does it bring me closer to myself, or does it ask me to abandon who I am? Does it invite me to rise, or does it keep me feeling small, stuck in old familiar patterns or playing the role someone else assigned? If fear arises, is it because something feels off, or is it simply the unfamiliarity that comes with growth? Notice your body, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. This is an invitation to see how we show up — for ourselves, others, and the world — and whether it aligns with what we want to create. Sometimes our fears and insecurities may get in the way, in which case having professional support may be beneficial so we can hear our inner wisdom more clearly. But it’s in showing up and checking in with ourselves that we can support our path as we move through it.

It’s important to distinguish what is ours from what belongs to someone else. Whether that comes from beliefs, thoughts, feelings, experiences and assumptions, or viewpoints. When we separate these, we can hear our inner wisdom more clearly. But it also asks us to take accountability for our own insecurities, triggers, wounds, and fears. It’s easy to be drawn into someone else’s world, whether through persuasive words, creating self-doubt, or appealing to vulnerability. This is one way people get caught in cult-like dynamics, and it’s also a tactic used in power struggles in relationships (think love bombing or manipulating emotional responses before a roller coaster of highs and lows takes shape).

When awareness is used as a tool of manipulation, consciously or unconsciously, it can stem from triggers or unhealed wounds or as an attempt to control power dynamics. Many of us have tried to steer a narrative in our favour at some point, seeking validation or an ego boost. This isn’t always malicious; it can be unconscious, driven by active triggers. Often, it comes from the mindset of, “I can’t be a bad person, so I have to make the other person the villain,” or it shows up when we feel threatened that someone will take something away from us. This can show up through gossip or using psychological terms to attack or put down others (different from healthy self-protection). When done as an attempt to control, it’ll use distortion and deflection as an attempt to steer the narrative.

It’s one thing to recognize when you’re being gaslit, and another to label or accuse someone of gaslighting when they’re actually bringing valid concerns to light. While there are different forms of gaslighting, it generally dismisses and deflects, making you question your reality, with no accountability from the other side. Someone who expresses how they feel while taking responsibility for their own part is not gaslighting. Honouring your own boundaries, taking space to reflect, or pulling back because you feel hurt (while still being willing to communicate) is different than someone who withholds and punishes the other with passive-aggressive behaviour or gives the silent treatment. Being vulnerable and sharing that you feel hurt is different from projecting or trauma-dumping. Making yourself a priority is different from only looking out for yourself. Being confident is different from being arrogant. Having love and appreciation for yourself and practicing self-love is different from being narcissistic.

Terminology is tricky because it’s meant to provide context and understanding; it can help us feel seen, bring awareness to things we might not have known, and support us through challenges. But when people are uncomfortable with looking within themselves or are looking to control the narrative, these labels can be misused and weaponized against others for their own benefit.

Awareness is the initiator of change. For change to occur, we need to bring awareness to what exists. But awareness alone doesn’t open the door. Its beauty lies in deepening our relationship with ourselves, which shifts how we experience the world. The part that often gets missed is integration. Reading self-help books, taking courses, and going to therapy are all great, but without integration, it remains surface-level, and it’s easy to hide behind the lingo without addressing what’s truly coming up to be felt, seen, and heard.

We’re all going through life, and with it come various waves. It’s not about shaming ourselves or others, but about choosing whether we live from a place where life happens to us, or where life happens through us. When our focus is mainly on what someone else is or isn’t doing, or when we place blame on them for how we feel, we’ve disconnected from ourselves. If our well-being is based on the conditions of how someone else behaves, we end up avoiding what’s coming to the surface to be seen and heard by bypassing it and projecting it onto someone else. Yes, we can work to create a safe environment for each other, but when it comes to deep connection and understanding, whether with ourselves or another, it requires courage and vulnerability. As I’m sure we’ve all experienced, not everyone can hold the depth we may crave, but as the saying goes, someone can only meet you as much as they’ve met or are willing to meet themselves. If we want the light and love that the wellness and spiritual community often point towards, it’s not without its shadows. Even in Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey, it speaks to how the hero comes face-to-face with the monster, that being, our greatest fear. To overcome it, we cannot push it away, hide, or run; we must bring light to it by sitting with it, taking its power away.

When we do the work for ourselves, how others view us won’t throw us as hard. It doesn’t mean we won’t have moments or get triggered, but it does mean others cannot manipulate our narratives, for our narratives were never theirs to write. So, how do we integrate the work we do? We practice it, we embody it, and we stay wise, always observing and using the work as a tool for self-reflection. We tune into our inner self, strengthening the wisdom and knowledge we already have, while staying curious about what can become. We allow any of the stories that arise to be seen for what they truly are. Integration is not about perfection; it’s about presence. It’s about meeting yourself where you are, noticing the shadows as well as the light, and choosing to act from a place of conscious awareness rather than reaction. The more we do this, the more life happens through us, rather than to us, and that is where true freedom, clarity, and resilience live.

Sometimes, people take frameworks, terminology, or insights meant to guide awareness and use them in ways that are harmful, consciously or unconsciously. This can look like deflection, mislabeling, or using psychological or spiritual terms to manipulate, control, or invalidate someone else’s experience. It’s a pattern many of us have encountered, and it can leave people questioning their reality or doubting themselves. The work isn’t about proving we’re right or labelling someone else, it’s about reflecting on our own patterns, noticing what’s coming up for us, and choosing how we show up. Awareness is a tool, not a weapon.

When we do the work for ourselves, we reclaim our own narratives. The lingo becomes a map, not a sword. Integration happens when we practice what we learn, embody it in our daily lives, and stay present with our own thoughts, feelings, and patterns. It’s about meeting ourselves where we are, observing without judgment, and choosing conscious action over reaction. When we do this, we naturally start to create the shifts we desire to experience by making space for them, by being an active participant in our own lives. And when it comes to manifesting the change you wish to experience, as Neville Goddard says, there’s no one to change but yourself. It’s not always easy work, but it’s about taking accountability and responsibility for ourselves and how we show up in the world, while using discernment to create healthier boundaries that may inspire others to rise to meet us. This work is an invitation back home to ourselves; it means meeting ourselves in all parts of our being. That’s where sustainable transformation exists.

Healing has many faces and paths, each with its unique way of unfolding. Some of the healing work we do can only be done on our own, while others can only be done with the help of another. There are times when we may feel the call where we pull back, go into hibernation mode, deep reflection and understanding to weave the pieces of the work we’ve done without the influence of another. This can be an integral part of healing, as it helps us claim our voice, witness ourselves, and take a moment to pause, observe, and reflect on the work we’ve done and who we’re becoming as a result. Having that space without someone directing the flow of energy is what allows us to listen to the wisdom we already hold. It is in these moments that we take time to pause, and sometimes even retreat, as a way to step more fully into ourselves, almost like the cocoon phase before the butterfly emerges. And while it’s important to honour the many cycles of healing where we may be doing the work alone, we also don’t have to do it on our own, and sometimes having the support of another is what helps us bridge the gap. It’s often said that the best teachers will not give you the answers, for they don’t hold the answers for your path, but they will ask you the right questions to light the path back to yourself. Since we only know the world through the filter we see, having another source to help us see through a wider lens becomes a vital part to help illuminate what may have been hidden.

The beauty with healing work is that it’s an invitation to something greater than we may be able to see. Healing can be loud and messy and make us unravel in ways we never could have imagined. At other times, it happens quietly in the background. And although healing isn’t always easy work, it doesn’t have to always be hard or lead us to more suffering; if anything, it’s meant to free us from things that have been attempting to weigh us down and keep us small. The call to explore these layers of new depth never really leaves. That call may be like a whisper at times or sometimes it’ll roar to get our attention, but it will ask that we are active participants in our own life, which means not only addressing how we are showing up with ourselves, but also with the world around us and all those we cross paths with.

Abraham Hicks' teachings suggest that a belief is merely a thought we keep on repeating. Belief is what we hold on a subconscious level; our beliefs are what inform our thoughts, which ripple into how we feel, and the assumptions we make, which initiate the actions we take and the habits we form. Our reality is a perception of our thoughts; change our thoughts, and we’ll change the way we see things and how we show up in the world. But when we’ve been through challenges, including traumatic experiences, changing our thoughts doesn’t always seem possible, and sometimes it may have us feeling stuck or doomed to repeat the same cycle. But healing isn’t about affirming our way out of the trenches, forcing change; it’s in how we relate to our thoughts. To change our thoughts, it requires addressing the beliefs that we hold, which then shifts how we see things. In terms of manifesting, it’s about the identity we are claiming to occupy. The version of you that believes and knows they’re worthy, vs the version of you who doesn’t, will show up very differently as they’re looking through a different lens. This isn’t toxic positivity; it’s not about never having a bad day, but it's that those bad days no longer define who you are. Just because something happened in the past does not mean that has to be your story going forward. Healing work is what allows us space to create a new story that no longer holds us prisoner to the past.

When it comes to this work, there isn’t one tool or practice that works like a magic pill. I’m a big advocate for using various tools and practices while honouring that some tools may play a bigger role depending on where we are in life and what we’re moving through, but no one person, experience or tool will make all our problems disappear or magically fix everything.

This is where healing can be greatly misunderstood. Healing is not about trying to fix ourselves, thinking we are broken. When we approach healing from the mindset that something is wrong or missing, that comes from the place that we are incomplete, unworthy, not good enough, lovable or deserving until we fix that thing, which couldn’t be further from the truth. When we operate from this mindset, it’s easy to fall into the healing trap where we’re constantly looking for that next tool or thing to fix ourselves, thinking if we can just do one more thing, then we can be happy or have what we want. Sometimes things haven’t shifted yet because we are still identifying with an old version of ourselves that is tied to what we’ve known; we haven’t yet created or stabilized into the space for something new to land. Healing is not about getting something outside of ourselves or trying to prove our worth; it’s not a test that we pass or fail. We aren’t being denied anything because we haven’t healed enough; we are still humans moving through this experience. The work we do ultimately shifts how we see things and, as a result, how we respond. Just because we’ve healed something doesn’t mean we won’t ever feel triggered or challenged or have some heavier emotions rise to the surface, but it does allow us to move through it with more ease and greater awareness. This isn’t about being perfect; that doesn’t exist. Healing is an invitation to return to our essence, that being who we were before the noise came in that made us believe we were anything less. Healing doesn’t erase memories, but it does allow us to stop using what happened as an identifier or even as an excuse, which often has us playing small or stuck in the same patterns. Healing is what allows for new possibilities rather than being tied to the stories of our past. It’s in this space that we can experience the shifts we want without needing it to inform who we are.

Our happiness does not depend on whether we get something or not. Which I know, I get it, I have my things I want. Yes, those things may make life feel easier, more enjoyable and fulfilling, even if it’s only a temporary fix, and there’s nothing wrong with having desires or goals; it’s what sets the path for growth and inner transformation. But if we depend on something outside of ourselves to make us feel a certain way, we’re then leaning on something unstable. Meaning our happiness then becomes dependent on this thing, making it based on conditions, which isn’t very reliable or sustainable. Whereas if we take responsibility for our own happiness, we may still have a preference, and even some very human moments, but we are not dependent on those things to make us feel a certain way. This is about taking our power back without closing ourselves off to life and the beauty it has in store for us to experience.

The work that comes from healing requires courage as it asks us to meet ourselves, including the parts that we may not understand or even see clearly or were once taught to reject. It asks us to bring what is hidden from the subconscious to the surface to see our patterns and how we may have subconsciously carried those beliefs with us into our present and projected future. It asks us to break free from what we know, which means parting ways with old identities. It means taking a leap into the unknown, which, when we’ve been hurt before, can feel scary and uncomfortable. And while it’s not the best advocate for this work, healing can also at times feel lonely and isolating, as others may not always understand our path or be able to walk with us. Just another reason why, if you can, work with a guided professional you trust that can hold space for you and offer tools and further support if needed. But it’s in this work that creates space to love ourselves better and trust that those meant to come with us will rise and find us — even if it’s not on the same timeline we prefer. Sometimes we need to do the healing work alone, not as punishment, but as a way to build a stronger foundation with ourselves to set the stage for what we are calling in.

Healing work is meant to change you from the inside — but not in the way of needing to be better, because remember, there is nothing wrong with you, you just forgot who you were. A teacher of mine once said that on the path to healing, it can feel like we’re surrounded by darkness with flickers of light, but as we do the work, we’ll find ourselves more surrounded by light with flickers of darkness. Or in other words, the things we heal may still be in the background, but they are no longer running the show. When the light shines brighter, whatever was hiding beneath the surface can no longer hide. This may ask us to see how our wounds have been running the show, and how we may have shown up as a result. This is about understanding those parts of ourselves so we can lead from a more loving place, which means owning the truth that we are already more than good enough, worthy, lovable and deserving just as we are. It’s a cruel trick that we need to be more, but that’s often the case when we give into someone else’s story, seeking their approval or validation. This is about taking the pen back and becoming our own author.

If you have a pattern that occurs in your life, think about anytime you’re like, “I knew that was going to happen,” or, “this always happens,” there is a belief somewhere that we’ve come to expect that as normal. So even if that pattern isn’t what you want, to free ourselves from it, we have to meet ourselves in it so that it has space to be seen and heard. This is why working with guided professionals can be so helpful and important; they can help shine a light on things we might not yet be able to see clearly. Some of the work that may be required for us to move through needs the support of someone with a deep understanding of how to navigate those waters so as not to stress our nervous system out and make us shut down. In order to move through these waves, our bodies need to feel safe, which is also important to note that the freedom you seek probably isn’t going to happen overnight or from that ceremony, that special event or workshop you attended. Those experiences may open us up to beautiful gifts, wisdom, insights and inspirations; they may even offer us new skill sets and awareness, but they’re just an opening to the work, they aren’t a magic wand that “makes everything better.”

In order for healing to occur, the desire must be there, but so must the willingness to move through the discomfort it may ask us as we transition from the familiar (old self) to the unfamiliar (new self). In order for that willingness to exist, we must see the benefit, which means being able to present with ourselves. Healing cannot be rushed; it’s a process, one that we’ll visit throughout our lifetime. Some teachings suggest healing is like a spiral, going deeper inwards to the essence of our being. Every time we show up to do the healing work, we build off of the work we’ve done before, and healing no longer becomes something we feel we have to do to make the changes we desire (which is often the heavy lifting phases where it can feel like effort and hard work), it becomes the thing we want to do because it feels like a warm hug and a form of some of the deepest love we can give ourselves and to others. It’s giving a voice to the part of us that didn’t feel like it had one.

While I don’t hold the answers for anyone but myself, based on my experience and studies, for healing to be effective, we want to address the body as a whole, and that means working with our cognitive thinking mind, or conscious awareness, going deeper into the subconscious, and even into somatic practices addressing our nervous system. Of course, for those who it resonates with, one may feel called towards energy practices as well. When we focus on one aspect, it’ll naturally have a ripple effect into other areas of our lives and may inspire other modalities, but each tool can open doors and shine the light in ways other tools may not. This doesn’t make one tool better than the other, but it’s a reminder that they work off each other and build on the work you’ve done. No tool will do it all. And while you might start with a focus on one area, such as conscious awareness by incorporating talk therapy, we also want to address how we are integrating that work. This is where working with multiple forms of tools, modalities, and practices can come in handy. Sometimes you might start with one thing in order to have the foundation for another tool. The key to any shift, though, is to be consistent in what you practice to give time for it to root. Sometimes it might mean trying a few different options out until you find the right fit, but if you’re jumping from one thing to another without allowing things to settle, then it’s hard to notice the shifts if we aren’t checking in with ourselves. Sometimes things feel worse before they get better, especially if we’ve been avoiding or pushing things away, whether consciously or unconsciously. That doesn’t mean it always has to be that way; healing can have moments of joy, especially when we start reconnecting to parts of ourselves that have been waiting to be heard, but healing isn’t always glamorous either.

Our desire for change comes when we see the benefit of it, and if we aren’t aware of the impact our thoughts or habits are having on our lives, it’s hard to see how we play a role in our own healing. This is one of the things we practice in yoga, the ability to be still with ourselves, to practice being an observer. And while maybe going to yoga isn’t your thing, that’s ok, what works for one person may or may not always work for another, and two people can do the same work but get something different out of it. But the biggest thing I can offer anyone walking their path of healing is to stay open and curious. Some of these tools and practices you might continue to use for life, others may only take you so far, while others might be there in the back pocket, just in case you need to return to them. And who knows, that one thing you might have written off, might be the very thing you feel called towards later on.

Healing will ask us to find that balance between softness and strength, where we can show up with loving kindness towards ourselves and others without losing ourselves in the process. As we continue to do the work, it will naturally shift how we show up and how we respond to things. It becomes easier to take things less personally because you recognize how others show up has more to do with the lens they see through than it does with you. When we do this work, you may find your habits naturally shift to ones that support your wellbeing and the life you want to create. Healing work becomes a form of self-care instead of the need to perform, fix or prove something. You stop overexplaining yourself to those committed to misunderstanding you, and while you may have more compassion and understanding, you don’t excuse disrespectful, rude or harmful behaviour. (Say hello to boundaries). You learn to stop forcing the flow of things, and you release the need to save others and allow space for others to walk their path without it needing to look like yours. But most importantly, you become more focused on yourself so that you aren’t keeping tabs on what everyone else is doing or not doing, because you understand that the relationship you have with everything and everyone around you starts with the relationship you have with yourself. You start taking responsibility and accountability for your own life and how you show up in it, using any so-called mishaps as opportunities for growth rather than setbacks. The more we tune in, it allows us to strengthen our connection with ourselves and become more discerning so we don’t get caught up in the noise.

However this path unfolds for you, let it be a reminder of the beauty that already exists within you. To reconnect to the parts of yourself that may have been forgotten, left out, neglected or rejected and to love them louder, giving them spaces to shine. To allow the path to deepen the connection to yourself and believe in the gifts you have to offer, truly knowing that you matter and that you have always been and always will be worthy, deserving, good enough and more than lovable just as you are. And as you step into your light, allowing it to shine so brightly that those who are meant to rise with you will find you.

“The way of the miracle-worker is to see all human behaviour as one two things: either love, or a call for love.” -Marianne Williamson.

Let this healing path be an answer to the call that brings you back home to yourself.

When it comes to manifestation, there’s the shiny, flashy side where it can allude to this sense of magic and wonder, or, when taken to extremes, it can come across as toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing. We’re also exploring a metaphysical topic, where, to a certain extent, it asks us to suspend logic as we know it and trust in what we cannot yet see. Which, let's be honest, can be frustrating when we want easy answers and a clear route to guide us through the process; we want a guarantee. But when it comes to manifestation, there is no one route, as every manifestation has a path of its own. And when we’re working with something of a metaphysical nature, there’s going to be a lot of theories — some great, some questionable — which can make things even more confusing and can make one want to give up when it feels like everything is falling apart and nothing appears to be shifting.

Manifestation is simple in theory. The concept behind manifestation is that we manifest based on the beliefs we dominantly hold on a subconscious level. These are the beliefs we hold about ourselves, like “I am worthy (or not), I am good enough (or not), I am lovable (or not), etc, but they’re also the beliefs we hold about the world around us. Things like whether you believe money is hard or easy to come by, whether you believe love is safe and always available to you, or that love always leaves. These beliefs often get formed in our early years, but can also take shape based on experiences we have later on in life that have been impactful. From our conscious mind, we may believe one thing, but on a subconscious level, we may be telling another story. Our beliefs inform our thoughts and feelings, which then form our assumptions and the actions we take, or don’t take. The good news is that you can change these beliefs, but to do so, you need to be aware of what beliefs you have in the first place.

“Our self-image and our habits tend to go together. Change one and you will automatically change the other. The word “habit” originally meant a garment, or clothing…..Our habits are literally garments worn by our personalities….We have them because they fit us. They are consistent with our self-image and our entire personality pattern. When we consciously and deliberately develop new and better habits, our self-image tends to outgrow the old habits and grow into the new pattern.” — Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics

One way to practice this is through self-awareness and observation. Notice if your actions and words align. Notice the conversations you have and what they are centred around. Do you find yourself jumping to the worst-case scenario all the time? Are you constantly comparing or complaining about something or someone? Do you say you’re going to do something but not follow through? Notice the story you’re telling yourself (or another) from the actions you take (or don’t) and observe how you feel, the thoughts that accompany those emotions and the meaning you’re giving it. This isn’t meant as a way to judge or shame ourselves (or others) but to get curious as to what beliefs may be running the show. A lot of these habits are things that you may not be conscious of yet because they’ve become so familiar and even comfortable. If you take the example of comparison, often this comes from a belief of not feeling good enough, so someone may put another (or themselves) down as a way to seek validation or reassurance. But because we haven’t addressed the core belief of not feeling good enough, nothing changes; instead, it becomes a temporary feeling of relief, only to come back knocking harder, and thus the cycle repeats.

This is where manifestation sometimes gets a bad reputation, as we’re not ignoring how we’re feeling or what’s arising in our lives. Maybe someone acted in a hurtful way, maybe that thing you were counting on didn’t go as planned. This isn’t about being positive 24/7 or pushing away life’s very real challenges. This is about taking our power back so that those experiences no longer dictate who we are. You can still feel sad, frustrated, angry, doubtful, while also knowing you’re worthy, amazing, beautiful and lovable without feeling the need or desire to tear yourself or another down. The key distinction is that our feelings are just that, feelings; they don’t need to be our identifier.

When we’re younger, a lot of these beliefs that we formed were because we didn’t have the tools or cognition to understand or make sense of things we either experienced, witnessed or took on. In our later years, if we experienced something shattering, sudden, that was impactful, or perhaps it was a repetitive pattern only to further confirm that original belief, it starts to become a safety mechanism. Even if it isn’t something we want to experience, somewhere that story or belief becomes a way to protect us from getting hurt. This is often a reason why someone may self-sabotage.

“…it’s not what happened in the past that creates our present misery but the way we have allowed past events to define how we see and experience ourselves in the present…..We create meanings from our unconscious interpretation of early events, and then we forge our present experiences from the meanings we’ve created. Unwittingly, we write the story of our future from narratives based on the past.” — Dr. Gabor Mate´ M.D. In The Realm Of Hungry Ghosts

To change how we experience things, we need to address our state of being, that being what version of you you are currently embodying. But since manifestation cannot be forced, we can’t just think positively to get there; we have to change how we feel. When we’re in the midst of challenges or disappointments, the best route can be through acceptance. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “what you resist, persists.” If we keep pushing away those hard feelings, ignoring them and trying to bypass them by just being positive, we’re only going to be met with more resistance and more frustration. While we ultimately want to give more attention to what we want to create, we can only do so by addressing the layer beneath those thoughts, that being our concept of self.

“Positive thinking” cannot be used effectively as a patch or crutch to the same old self-image. In fact, it is literally impossible to really think positively about a particular situation as long as you hold a negative concept of your “self.” — Psycho-Cybernetics

When manifesting, we want to manifest from the idea of already having it, rather than being the person trying to get it. Or in other words, if you are trying to get something, then you are coming from a place of not having it, but if you’re already thinking from the place of having it, it then becomes a different experience as you are practicing what it means to embody the state of the wish fulfilled. This is where manifesting techniques often come into play. Things like scripting, visualizing or meditating, affirmations or inner conversation, vision boards, etc, etc. The techniques themselves are not what manifests, the techniques serve as a purpose to 1.) gain clarity as to what you want and 2.) help you embody that state of being, aka the version of you who already has it.

The challenges that may come with manifesting are when we are moving from the old stories or narratives we hold, to what it is we want to create. Naturally, for this to occur, there must be a desire in place that is strong enough that the work required to create the shift is greater than the (dis)comfort of staying where you are. This is much like Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey, which speaks to the call to action as the hero explores this path in the physical world, to begin their transformative journey inward.

“Only as one is willing to give up his present limitations and identity can he become that which he desires to be.” — Neville Goddard

Manifesting is about returning to self. Our desires are merely put into place to either wake us up or to create the space to receive what our hearts have been calling for. It is our desires that set the path for growth and transformation. So whether your desire simply serves as a way to light the path back to self, showing you what you must face to let your desires in, or it creates a shift within yourself that then sets you on a new path altogether, is something that can only be found through the journey itself. In other words, when you do the work, how you see things will change as you’ll be looking through a different lens.

Manifestation is not about force, control or manipulation, it’s about creating the change we wish to experience by becoming it first. This doesn’t mean spending money you don’t have or telling everyone you’re married when that’s not the case. This is about being an active participant in our own lives and taking accountability and responsibility for how we are showing up and what we are investing our energy into. It’s being courageous to challenge those old narratives to allow for a new story, and layer by layer, doing the inner work as it presents itself, so we can start embodying those feelings and beliefs that are aligned with what we want to create and experience.

The thing with manifestation is that we do not know what needs to occur for things to appear, and we do not know the path it needs to take. If we’re calling something into our lives where we hold little to zero resistance then chances are it’ll come in pretty quick, but in areas of our lives where we’re challenging old narratives and beliefs that no longer serve us it can sometimes take us on a journey, which in the end has the potential to shift how we see and experience things — if we let it. If you find yourself wondering why it isn’t here yet, first off, that’s completely normal, but if that’s the place you’re living from, then you want to shift the focus back to yourself rather than looking outside of yourself for confirmation. If things haven’t changed out there, then either things are still unfolding, or we haven’t changed who we are on a dominant subconscious level. If you can get to a place of deep inner knowing — knowing that money, that love, that house, that job, the health and happiness is yours (or whatever it may be) without needing it to appear in front of your eyes this very moment because you feel it in your entire body that it’s already done, then there is no need to question or look for it. Manifestation can be quick and easy, but it also requires being consistent in the work we do to make the necessary shift within our state of being. If we’re challenging limiting beliefs, especially where we’ve experienced unfavourable outcomes, it can be hard work that isn’t as flashy or glamorous as manifestation may be marketed to be.

But let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not changing who you are, you are simply releasing all that you are not. The only thing you are changing is the beliefs you hold. A desire is yours because it awakens something within you, but in doing so, it asks you to meet yourself so you can step into your true, authentic self and embody who you’re meant to be. The beauty of this work is that it’s a lifelong practice as new versions of ourselves will call in new experiences and desires, allowing us to continue to grow and expand. There is no wrong way, just different routes that take us back home to ourselves to either gain the clarity we seek or the space to receive what we wish to experience.

“Faith and fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose!” — Bob Proctor