Chapter One: Find Ourselves in the Ocean of Uncertainty

Bahtra — Mon, 15 May 2023 02:20:41 GMT

I always wonder why we should grow up and get older. Why should we face problems we won’t meet? Why is there no peace in every second we breathe? I ask my friends, my sister, my cannot-call-it crush, and my own self. I didn’t get the answer that clicked on me. I didn’t get the answer that I feel right. I didn’t get any response that could make me peace and keep me sane. Then, I stop asking. I was lost in the midst of desperation since I didn’t know the answer.

I see my reflection in the mirror, seeing how the world has left many wounds in me, my soul, and my mind. I was upset yet discouraged since I felt I couldn’t do anything. Then, I cried. A lot. Until I fall asleep on the bed.

I wake up at 3 AM, staring at the ceiling of my boarding house room. Reminiscing how many changes have had to happen in my life throughout these 18 years. I am smirking for the silly things I have done, for the ridiculous questions I asked, and for the high dreams I can’t achieve.

I wake up from my bed, go to the bathroom and take wudhu for Tahajud prayers. After praying, I contemplate the ups and downs in my life, the happiest and saddest things that are part of my life. Then I realized the reason why we should grow up and get older. The reason behind why we should face all of those damn problems that happen in our life. The reason why there is no peace every time we breathe. Because we forgot the truth about ourselves, we forgot our main core. We forgot ourselves, the same as I forgot myself.

We’ve been sailing in the ocean containing calm and high waves without bringing adequate tools or proper preparation. We left ourselves in the seashore while our bodies wandered the globe.

Stories by Bahtra on Medium

Chapter One: Find Ourselves in the Ocean of Uncertainty