1. Speak up against harmful tropes

Following his victory at the UFC Freedom 250 event on the White House South Lawn last Sunday, Josh Hokit shouted, “Michelle Obama is a man! Am I right, America?” into the microphone.

Soon after, Dr. Ibram X. Kendi posted:

“One of the oldest racist ideas about Black women is that they are men. Enslavers deployed this racist idea to justify forcing Black women into the same heavy and backbreaking field labor as enslaved Black men. And now today, racist theorists have repeatedly used this idea to degrade prominent Black women, including Michelle Obama.”

While I hope you’ll never hear Hokit’s exact words in your workplace, you may encounter comments that rely on harmful tropes and stereotypes.

When that happens, speak up. Force the speaker to confront their bias with a phrase such as:

• What makes you say that?
• What led you to that conclusion?
• Tell me more.

And when you raise concerns about the behavior, you may hear someone try to explain it away with some form of “I’m sure they didn’t mean anything,” or “they’re like that with everyone.”

These reactions shift attention away from the harm caused and toward defending the speaker. Keep reading for an effective response to such a situation endorsed by eBay.

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This week’s Better Allies content is sponsored by:

Inclusive leadership starts with communication. The words leaders choose, the stories organizations tell, and the conversations teams have shape culture every day. Double Forte helps organizations communicate with clarity, credibility, and purpose during the moments that matter most. Learn more at double-forte.com

2. Focus on impact, not intent

After I recommended the phrase “We don’t do that here” in my June 5th newsletter, Estelle Jackson, a diversity and inclusion specialist at eBay, reached out to let me know they teach that phrase in their allyship training. She also shared another technique they teach:

Focus on impact, not intent.

For example,

• I know that wasn’t your intention, but can you see how that might feel from their perspective?
• I don’t think you meant any harm, but can you understand the impact those words could have?

Jackson explained that this approach helps people learn without feeling attacked and keeps the conversation centered on creating a workplace where everyone feels they belong.

3. Share your pronouns (but don’t call them preferred)

Clarifying your pronouns is a simple but powerful act of support during Pride month and year-round. Whether you do this verbally or in an email signature, on a nametag, or as part of your video conference profile, you are helping to normalize sharing pronouns. This practice is helpful to genderfluid, transgender, and other nonbinary folks, who get loads of pushback on the pronoun issue overall.

A few years ago, Sinclair Sexsmith tweeted on this topic, saying:

“Dear cis people who put your pronouns on your ‘hello my name is’ nametags: Thank you. When you do that, I feel more comfortable putting they/them. And I feel much more comfortable talking to you, bc you already tell me you know a little about the gender binary.”

I’ll add an important caveat: please don’t say, “My preferred pronouns are …”. After all, pronouns are words that accurately describe someone, not simply preferences. Using them shouldn’t be seen as optional. Instead, say “My pronouns are …”.

4. Don’t insist on pronoun sharing

While it’s important to share our pronouns, we shouldn’t require others to do so. (I’m thinking of meetings where someone says, “Everyone, introduce yourself and tell us your pronouns.”)

As Jeannie Gainsburg, author of The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate, explains:

“Asking people directly about their pronouns puts people on the spot, making it very uncomfortable for them if they don’t want to share. It can also offend some people who think that their pronouns should be obvious.”

In a previous newsletter, I shared three tips from Gainsburg’s book about gathering pronouns respectfully without insisting that anyone share them. You can find them under #5 in the October 14, 2022 newsletter.

5. Community spotlight: Spell coworkers’ names correctly (with help from a spellchecker)

A UK-based tech executive told me that his colleague, Mohamed, sent this message to their department chat:

“I’m still getting messages addressed to some guy called ‘Mohammed’ in the salutation, instead of Mohamed. This is probably just because of autocorrect, and sometimes it’s a pain to have to spell check the spellchecker. So, if that happens, could you add my name as ‘Mohamed’ in your spellchecker, or just use ‘Mo’? It’s a small nuisance, but it would really help with my identity crisis! 🤪”

Thank you. What a simple thing for us all to do. If you’re not sure how to add someone’s name to your spellchecker, search online for “how do I add a word to my spell check dictionary?”

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Together, we can make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee ☕ (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Reply to this email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Sponsor an edition of this newsletter
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• Read the Better Allies books
• Tell someone about these resources

Speak Up Against Harmful Tropes, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. Don’t use pet names for women at work

During a recent interview with NBC’s Kristen Welker, President Trump referred to her as “darling” after she challenged him on election fraud claims. BBC News

Darling.

While this example comes from politics, similar language shows up in workplaces all too often.

In We Need to Talk About Using Pet Names for Women at Work, Amy Diehl, PhD, and Leanne Dzubinski, PhD, explain that pet names like “darling,” “sweetheart,” “honey,” and “dear” aren’t cute or funny. They’re unprofessional and often sexist.

More importantly, they can undermine a woman’s credibility and authority. As one mathematician whose male bosses refer to her as “sweetie” and “honey” commented,

“It’s like they are intimidated by my abilities and so to put me in my place they need to use demoralizing pet names to make me seem not as competent.”

Instead of pet names, let’s just use someone’s actual name. It’s a simple way to show respect and reinforce that everyone belongs.

Share on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

2. Tell people what the bar is

Some employees know exactly what it takes to get promoted, while others are left trying to decode the process.

And research suggests that transparency matters.

In Coqual’s report, Being Black in Corporate America: An Intersectional Exploration, researchers found that when organizations are transparent about promotions, Black women are more than three times as likely to report satisfaction with their advancement and intend to stay.

In a related study, researchers at Harvard Business School (HBS) found that when women received clear information about the qualifications needed for a role, the share of women who applied jumped from 6% to 29%.

As Siri Chilazi explained:

“People with less access to informal networks, fewer mentors in senior roles, and less visibility into how decisions get made tend to underestimate what they’ve already accomplished, and overestimate what’s still required. So they wait, or they don’t put their hand up at all.”

As a result, many qualified people never put themselves forward.

If your organization isn’t already telling employees what the bar is for promotions, consider what you can do to change that. Document the requirements, timelines, expectations, and responsibilities for each level.

3. Communicate in multiple ways

Willie King, who is a deaf person, wrote about his experience at a large home improvement store when everyone suddenly stopped moving. He didn’t know why, so he kept walking.

Later, he learned that the store pauses at 3pm on Memorial Day for a nationwide moment of silence to honor fallen service members. Had he known, he would have stopped, too. But because the announcement was made only over the speakers, he never received the message.

As my friend Meryl Evans commented, a best practice is always to have at least two ways to communicate information.

In a public setting, that might mean:

• Dimming the lights before an announcement.
• Posting signage near entrances.
• Displaying messages on screens.

Online, it could mean:

• Adding alt text to images.
• Including captions and transcripts for videos.
• Sharing key information in both visual and written formats.

Whenever possible, communicate important information in at least two ways. More people will receive the message — and feel included as a result.

4. Say “enslaved people,” not “slaves”

With Juneteenth approaching, I’m reminded of a correction I received from newsletter subscribers a few years ago.

I had written about the holiday and used the word slaves.

Several readers reached out to suggest a different term: enslaved people.

Their reasoning stuck with me. By using enslaved people, we put more of an emphasis on what was done to them, separating their circumstances from their identity.

I’ve used enslaved people ever since.

I’m grateful to those subscribers for taking the time to share this feedback. It’s a reminder that language evolves, and that being a better ally often means being willing to learn, adjust, and do better when we know better.

If you’d like to learn more about this terminology, check out Slave or Enslaved Person.

5. Community spotlight: Pause if your first instinct is to debate evidence of bias

Newsletter subscriber Dave Buchthal told me about a conversation sparked by an article about gender bias where people rated identical résumés, with only the name changed. Some had Emily Clarke, others had James Clarke.

One of Buchthal’s male coworkers immediately searched for flaws in the research, dismissing its validity without even reading about the study.

Buchthal noticed how easy it can be to become defensive when discrimination is discussed, especially if we identify with the “in-group.” He wrote,

“For me, the lesson is clear — if my first reaction to reading a news story is to poke holes in the details, it’s time to stop and reflect on why I’m being so reactive. And if I start thinking that I’m smarter than someone without even reading their research, then perhaps I need to sit quietly on that until I can better manage my own emotional reactions.”

Thank you 🙏.

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Together, we can make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee ☕ (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Reply to this email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Sponsor an edition of this newsletter
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• Read the Better Allies books
• Tell someone about these resources

Don’t Use Pet Names for Women at Work, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Happy Pride Month! In today’s newsletter, I’m sharing five suggestions for how to be better allies for our LGBTQ+ coworkers. 🌈

1. Say “We don’t do that here”

A few years back, Aja Hammerly, a developer advocate at Google, wrote a blog post with the following story:

“The college I attended was small and very LGBT friendly. One day someone came to visit and used the word ‘gay’ as a pejorative, as was common in the early 2000s. A current student looked at the visitor and flatly said, ‘we don’t do that here.’ The guest started getting defensive and explaining that they weren’t homophobic and didn’t mean anything by it. The student replied, ‘I’m sure that’s true, but all you need to know is we don’t do that here.’”

Hammerly noted,

We don’t do that here was a polite but firm way to educate the newcomer about our culture.

Consider using this phrase the next time you hear someone making a disparaging comment or joke about someone in the LGBTQ+ community.

Share on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

2. Thank someone when they come out to you

One of the myriad things I’ve learned from Jeannie Gainsburg’s excellent book The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate is how to respond when someone comes out to you.

Gainsburg says to thank them, perhaps with a “Thank you for trusting me enough to let me know.”

Then listen, and let them take the lead on anything they want to discuss.

If there’s an awkward silence, she recommends throwing in one of these comments:

• “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you.”
• “I’m here for you.”
• “This calls for a celebration!”

Doing so can help make someone feel seen, supported, and accepted.

3. Apologize without making it all about yourself

In I Am Neither, Kathia Ramos shared what it was like to let people know that their pronouns were now they/them.

Their manager at the time was very understanding, yet mistakenly used Ramos’ old pronouns. The first time wasn’t a big deal. She apologized and moved on. Then it happened again.

As Ramos wrote,

“I didn’t expect the apologizing to escalate to an explanation of how she was trying to use the correct pronoun. Time stood still while she apologized, and I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. What appeared to be an effort to make herself feel better, actually made me feel worse.”

If we use the wrong pronouns for a coworker, let’s simply correct ourselves. Without launching into an explanation of how hard we’re trying to use the right pronouns. Without making it all about us.

4. Use stock photos of LGBTQ people in professional settings

Did you know that tech company Mapbox created “Queer in Tech,” a free collection of stock photos?

As explained in their announcement:

“We created this photo set to promote the visibility of queer and gender-nonconforming (GNC) people in technology, who are often under-represented as workers powering the creative, technical, and business leadership of groundbreaking tech companies and products.”

There’s also “The Gender Spectrum Collection,” which is free for non-commercial purposes. Their recommended usage guidelines state:

“Images of trans and nonbinary people can be used to illustrate any topic, not just stories related directly to those communities. Consider using these photos for stories on topics like beauty, work, education, relationships, or wellness. Including transgender and non-binary people in stories not explicitly about gender identity paints a more accurate depiction of the world we live in today.”

Representation matters. Join me in bookmarking these sites for future stock photography needs.

p.s. I’ve curated a longer list of sites specializing in stock photos and illustrations featuring people from underrepresented groups. Some are free, and some for a fee. Find the list at betterallies.com.

5. Avoid compliments or advice based on stereotypes

In Supporting the Transgender People in Your Life: A Guide to Being a Good Ally, Advocates for Trans Equality recommends several ways to support transgender coworkers. Here’s just one:

Avoid compliments or advice based on stereotypes about transgender people, or how men and women should look or act. The article explains,

“People sometimes intend to be supportive but unintentionally hurt transgender people by focusing on their looks or whether they conform to gender stereotypes. Here are some examples of what to avoid, as they often feel like backhanded compliments:

• You look like a real woman! I never would have known that you’re trans.

• You would look less trans if you just got a wig/shaved better/wore more makeup/etc.

• No real man would wear clothing like that. You should change if you don’t want people to know you’re transgender.

• I’d date him, even though he’s transgender.”

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Together, we can make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee ☕ (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Reply to this email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Sponsor an edition of this newsletter
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• Read the Better Allies books
• Tell someone about these resources

We Don’t Do That Here, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

A faculty committee at Yale University recently called for more transparency and clearer standards in admissions, along with fewer advantages for the rich and well-connected, such as the offspring of alumni, varsity athletes, and the children of faculty, staff, and donors.

I appreciate that focus on merit. And it got me thinking: is there room for improvement in our hiring processes?

In today’s newsletter, I cover five ways to introduce more merit into hiring, drawing from my books and past newsletters.

1. Look out for extra scrutiny

Marginalized candidates may be asked for proof or credentials that others were never required to provide.

In 2022, when then-Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson was nominated to serve as a U.S. Supreme Court justice, one conservative news host demanded to see her LSAT score. (As you may know, the LSAT is a standardized law school entrance exam.) It shouldn’t have mattered. Jackson received her law degree from Harvard 25 years earlier and went on to have an impressive career, including being a district judge in Washington, DC. By contrast, that same news host didn’t ask to see the LSAT scores of the previously nominated Justice Amy Coney Barrett before announcing, “There’s no question that Barrett is qualified for the job.” (I should note that Jackson is Black and Barrett is white.)

Here’s another story. When I interviewed Dr. Kelly Paradis for my book Belonging in Healthcare, she shared some things she heard about women during interviews, including, “She said, ‘I’ a lot in her presentation. ‘I did this, I did that.’ Did she really do all that stuff by herself?” Yet, as Paradis pointed out, members of the same review committee didn’t question the validity of the men who similarly described their accomplishments.

To help ensure more merit in hiring, we can:

• Specify all the qualifications needed for an open position before reviewing the first résumé or application.
• Restate these requirements at the beginning of meetings to discuss candidates.
• Look out for requests for additional credentials for specific people.

The goal is to not shift the standards during the evaluation and to focus on the merits you need to get the job done.

Share on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

2. Say no to the “beer test”

A recent article in Fortune’s The Interview Playbook heralded a best practice Steve Jobs used to evaluate job candidates. He’d ask himself if he’d want to grab a beer with them. If the interview had felt forced, awkward, or draining to him, it was a major red flag.

Honestly? That advice is a red flag for me.

It’s basically a friendship test. Would I enjoy spending time with this person? Do they remind me of my younger self? Would they fit into my social circle?

Those questions can easily steer us away from merit and toward familiarity, comfort, and similarity. And that can disadvantage candidates from underrepresented backgrounds, different communication styles, or nontraditional career paths.

If someone brings up the “beer test” during hiring discussions, push back. Encourage the team to step back and focus on structured, fair evaluation practices, like the ones I shared in my May 15 2026 newsletter.

3. Push back on concerns about “executive presence”

“Lacks executive presence” can sound objective, but it often isn’t.

In Stop Using ‘Executive Presence’ as a Reason to Not Promote Women, Alizah Salario wrote,

“the push to acquire that special ‘je ne sais quoi’ of executive presence is actually a trap…it puts women and people of color in the tricky position of hiding their authentic selves to fit into a leadership box filled with white men in suits.”

It also means that if we use it to evaluate talent, we slip away from measuring merit.

If we hear someone saying “they lack executive presence” during an interview debrief, let’s shift the conversation to focus on the skills and experience they’d bring to our team.

4. Combat the “halo-horns” effect

White men may benefit from a “halo” where one strength is generalized into a high rating, while other groups receive “horns” that unfairly define them.

One strong answer becomes “they’re amazing.” One mistake becomes “they’re not ready.”

To combat this effect, researchers Joan C. Williams et al. recommend at least three pieces of evidence to back ratings.

Consider advocating for an update to your candidate assessment form to request at least three examples of the behavior, rather than generalizing the feedback based on just one.

5. Remind the interview team that bias can creep in

Last but not least, here’s something I share at least once a year in my newsletter.

To help remove bias from the candidate selection process, Google has given the hiring team a simple handout that describes common errors and biases that assessors make and how to fix them.

In his book Work Rules, former Google executive Laszlo Bock explained that simply reminding people of these biases was enough to eliminate many of them.

I love it.

Let’s all be aware that hiring on merit doesn’t happen by default. The more intentional we are about removing bias, the closer we get to building the best teams.

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Together, we can make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Reply to this email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Sponsor an edition of this newsletter
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• Read the Better Allies books
• Tell someone about these resources

Introduce More Merit in Hiring was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. Strengthen the workplace for all

Last week, I attended a webinar jointly hosted by Catalyst and the Meltzer Center at New York University. They covered some of the key points from their joint report A New Path to Inclusion: How to Overcome Legal and Cultural Constraints on Building Fair Workplaces.

One heart-warming finding is that, contrary to the popular narrative that DEI is “dead,” they found widespread support for inclusion efforts, strong ongoing commitment to advancing fairness and inclusion, and enduring business benefits from pursuing this work.

They also identified that 50% of survey respondents want to emphasize how a diverse and inclusive workplace benefits everyone. As a result, the study authors recommend focusing on where bias and structural barriers limit employees’ performance and addressing those barriers in ways that strengthen outcomes for all.

Keep reading for examples of actions you can take to create change that benefits everyone.

Share on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

This week’s Better Allies content is sponsored by:

As our industry evolves, Femgineer is here to help you stand out as a technical leader who can communicate and influence — not just build. We do that through coaching, courses, and content. Visit femgineer.com and subscribe to our newsletter to learn more!

2. Create better meetings

I save links to certain LinkedIn posts because they are so darn good. One of them is Kim Scott discussing Bloviating BS. (You may know Scott for her books Radical Candor and Radical Respect.) She wrote,

“This is what happens when one person, usually not the most informed person in the room, has the unearned confidence to make things up and take more than their fair share of the airtime in a meeting.”

Scott gave examples of how this behavior can be destructive. One was from Citigroup, where an executive told her,

“Though women tended to come to meetings better prepared than men, a few of the men did most of the talking, often speaking over the women. This was not only bad for the women’s careers, he explained, it was bad for decision-making at the bank. The best prepared people in the room were silenced by the bloviating BSers.”

She also cited research that shows that when one person does all the talking, the team’s performance suffers.

I’ll add the obvious. It’s no fun attending a meeting with a Bloviating BSer.

To create more inclusive meetings where all voices are heard, here are some actions you can take:

• When someone is interrupted, interject and say, “I’d like to hear them finish.”
• Endorse points made by people being talked over: “100% agree with what Priya just said.” (This can be done easily via chat in a virtual meeting or out loud for more impact.)
• Recommend creating a shared agenda document where attendees can add comments before or during the meeting.
• Create openings for people to speak: “Let’s pause and hear from anyone who hasn’t yet had a chance to provide their input.”

3. Share insider information

While researching my book Belonging in Healthcare, I interviewed Dr. Chang (not her real name), an emergency medicine physician. After noticing a colleague looking especially tired after an overnight shift, she said, “If you don’t mind, may I ask how old you are?” He answered, “66.”

Since many emergency departments have policies that allow physicians over a certain age to avoid overnight shifts, Chang decided to see whether their hospital had such a policy.

When she asked their shift scheduler about it, they said, “Yes, we have a policy where staff over 55 don’t have to work overnight, but someone needs to request it.” They didn’t automatically take people off the schedule based on age. And since it wasn’t well advertised, most people didn’t know to ask.

Chang was floored and immediately told her colleague he could ask not to be assigned overnight shifts. She also mentioned it to another older colleague. These one-off moves helped them both.

But that’s not all. Chang ensured the policy was widely shared with all the physicians. By doing so, she and her colleagues learned about another aspect of the policy: pregnant people in their third trimester could request an exemption from these shifts.

Chances are, your organization has some insider information. Policies or benefits that are in place but not widely known. Offerings that could benefit more employees if only they knew about them.

How can you share them more widely?

4. Request salary equity reviews

A few years ago, I had a coaching client, whom I’ll refer to as Amanda, who led a large department of data scientists and analysts. While working on performance rankings, she noticed that one woman’s salary was significantly lower than that of her male peers.

With one quick edit to a spreadsheet, Amanda could have easily increased that employee’s salary. But she realized she could and should do more. So she dug in further, reviewing everyone’s salary for equity.

She then uncovered some unexpected data: In addition to identifying other underpaid women, she found a handful of men whose salaries were significantly lower than their peers. And she adjusted each one to be more equitable.

If your organization hasn’t recently conducted a pay equity review, consider how to advocate for one that could benefit all employees.

5. Advocate for better bereavement leave

Here’s one last example of an ally action that can benefit all: advocate for better bereavement leave.

In Decentering Whiteness in the Workplace, Janice Gassam Asare, Ph.D., wrote about a company that offered bereavement leave for the death of an immediate family member only. They initially refused to grant it to an employee whose uncle had passed away. Yet, that person grew up in a culture where aunts and uncles are considered immediate family, often living together. Asare explained,

“Her company had created a seemingly neutral policy that actually centered the white American family structure to the detriment of other cultures.”

Similarly, I’ve started hearing about companies offering longer bereavement leave, which is especially important for employees who might have to travel internationally for funerals and memorials.

Take a minute to look up your organization’s bereavement leave. If it’s non-existent, covers only a few days, or is limited to a strict definition of immediate family, consider how you can advocate for an improved policy. One that better meets everyone’s needs.

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Together, we can make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Reply to this email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Sponsor an edition of this newsletter
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• Read the Better Allies books
• Tell someone about these resources

Strengthen the Workplace for All was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. Commit to equal employment opportunity

Last week, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) filed a discrimination lawsuit against the New York Times, alleging that the organization passed over a white man for a promotion in favor of a less qualified woman.

A spokesperson for the Times responded that race and gender did not factor into the decision and that they hired the most qualified candidate.

Former EEOC commissioner Chai Feldblum also weighed in, noting that many of the lawsuit’s allegations describe legal efforts to diversify a workforce. And that there is no proof the Times crossed the line into unlawful discrimination.

Feldblum added, “Thank goodness for all the employers who are still holding true to their moral compass, to their commitment to equal employment opportunity.”

If we serve on a hiring or promotion committee, let’s do the same.

Define the qualifications needed for the role. Determine how to evaluate candidates accordingly. Apply those standards consistently. And then select the most qualified person.

Share on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

This week’s Better Allies content is sponsored by:

As our industry evolves, Femgineer is here to help you stand out as a technical leader who can communicate and influence — not just build. We do that through coaching, courses, and content. Visit femgineer.com and subscribe to our newsletter to learn more!

2. Rebuild psychological safety (when it’s been broken)

My friend Minette Norman and her coauthor Karolin Helbig are publishing their latest book, The Psychological Safety Playbook for Changemakers next week. I read an advanced copy (it’s fantastic) and asked Minette to summarize a section especially relevant to better allies. Here is what she shared:

Psychological safety is slow to build and quick to break. Even small breaches can trigger a deep sense of threat.

Neuroscience explains why: when psychological safety is disrupted, the brain reacts as if we’re in physical danger, flooding our system with stress hormones and launching us into fight–flight–freeze.

Repairing a rupture requires more than a sincere apology. It requires sustained, visible effort, including:

• Recognition: Name the breach clearly and acknowledge its impact without justifying the behavior.
• Responsibility: Take full accountability. Focus on impact, not intent: “I see how what I said hurt you.”
• Remedy: Recommit through consistent, observable behavior. Words alone won’t rebuild trust.
• Relationship Rebuilding: Create space for continued, honest conversation. Consistency is key.

Even with genuine commitment, it may take significant time before people feel safe to speak up again. There is no magic formula. However tempting it may be to declare that “this is a safe space,” people believe it’s safe only when they have seen consistent proof over time that when they speak up, ask a question, make a mistake, or offer a divergent viewpoint, they will not be embarrassed, marginalized, or punished.

3. Create inclusive social media posts

In honor of Global Accessibility Awareness Day on May 21, here are three simple things we can do to promote digital access and inclusion with our social media posts:

• Limit emojis. Screen readers read emoji descriptions aloud. Ten “Smiling face with sunglasses” emojis in a row means someone hears “smiling face with sunglasses” repeated ten times. A good rule of thumb: no more than three emojis per post.
• Describe photos, images, and videos. Alt text and image descriptions help people using screen readers understand visual content and participate more fully.
• Avoid “fancy fonts” to create bold, italics, or other text treatments for emphasis. Special characters can be difficult for screen readers to interpret correctly.

4. Read banned books

I recently joked with my daughter that her twin babies already have an impressive library of banned books.

We’ve been reading titles like Antiracist Baby (by Ibram X. Kendi, illustrated by Ash Kwak Lukashevsky) and Dolls and Trucks Are for Everyone (by Robb Pearlman, illustrated by Eda Kaban).

It reminded me why banned books matter. They often explore histories, identities, and experiences that some people would rather ignore or erase.

As PEN America said last year, after the U.S. Naval Academy removed hundreds of books about racism, sexism, LGBTQ+ topics, the Holocaust, the Ku Klux Klan, and other subjects from their library:

“Books are not the enemy; ignorance is the enemy.”

(I should note that the Naval Academy reversed its decision after public outcry.)

Let’s keep reading broadly, especially books that challenge us, expand our perspective, or tell stories that have historically been marginalized.

5. Community spotlight: Avoid words that minimize harm

Sometimes the words we use can unintentionally minimize systemic harm.

Subscriber Joel Lesko told me that he uses Justice AI GPT, a tool that checks his posts, emails, and more for bias. He recently used it while drafting an article about attacks on DEI efforts.

The tool flagged terms like “bias” and “microaggressions,” prompting him to reflect on whether those words softened the seriousness of what he was describing. As Lesko explained:

“It prompted me to consider that language can make systemic problems sound like accidents or just interpersonal issues.”

He added,

“Deeper in the audit process, Justice AI brought up the two battles that DEI is waging — keeping the work legal and making sure the words we use to talk about DEI still tell the truth. It prompted me to consider if my language was a carrier of truth or a cover for harm and systemic damage.”

Thank you for sharing 🙏. It’s a timely reminder to choose words that accurately reflect the impact of what’s happening.

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Together, we can make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Reply to this email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Sponsor an edition of this newsletter
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• Read the Better Allies books
• Tell someone about these resources

Commit To Equal Employment Opportunity, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. Broaden your professional orbit

Professional networks shape who gets opportunities. And they’re often less diverse than we think.

A new study highlighted that while women make up about a third of academic researchers globally, their representation drops significantly within scientific organizations. One reason: nominations often come from existing members who are mostly male and tend to recommend people like themselves.

As Amy Diehl, PhD, noted about the study, even “merit-based” systems can reinforce imbalance when networks drive nominations.

This pattern isn’t unique to academic settings. Homogeneous networks form because we like spending time with people with whom we have something in common. Herminia Ibarra, PhD, describes this phenomenon by saying, “Left to our own devices, we produce networks that are ‘just like me’.”

And those networks shape who we refer, recommend, and advocate for.

The next time you’re in the breakroom at work or attending an event, in person or virtually, actively broaden your network. Introduce yourself to someone of a different gender, race, age, or other visible difference. Get to know them and stay in touch.

Perhaps you’ll be able to learn from them or introduce them to an opportunity down the road.

Share this action on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

This week’s Better Allies content is sponsored by:

As our industry evolves, Femgineer is here to help you stand out as a technical leader who can communicate and influence — not just build. We do that through coaching, courses, and content. Visit femgineer.com and subscribe to our newsletter to learn more!

2. Interrupt harmful behavior

During the Q&A session of a recent talk I gave, an audience member I’ll call Ann shared a disturbing story. She had raised her hand to speak at a webinar, and when the instructor called on her, twisted her last name into a racial slur and laughed.

Afterward, another participant reached out privately to express support, saying that they couldn’t believe the instructor did that.

What could have helped even more? Interrupting the behavior in real time.

A simple comment in the chat could have helped. For example:

• “Did I just hear the instructor make fun of a last name? Not cool.”
• “Did I just hear that correctly? That didn’t sound appropriate.”
• “We don’t make fun of people’s names here.”

3. Identify your natural ally style

If the above story has you squirming, you’re not alone. New research from Meg Warren PhD, et al. finds that only 3–5% of people are comfortable being extremely courageous when it comes to standing up as an ally.

That’s why it can help to start with actions that align with your personality and strengths, says Warren.

If you like giving people shoutouts for a job well done, do more of that for people who are typically overlooked. If you’re someone who enjoys connecting people to opportunities, lean into that.

This approach aligns with something I wrote in The Better Allies® Way: A Workbook for Being More Inclusive at Work, where I explore seven ally archetypes. “Double down on the ones that feel most like you, since you’ll most likely have the biggest impact there.”

And over time, stretch yourself. Try actions that feel less comfortable, too. By doing so with allyship, you’ll help create a better workplace where everyone can perform their best work and thrive.

To learn more about the seven roles allies can play, check out this infographic. And then get a copy of The Better Allies® Way to explore the exercises for each type.

4. Evolve your language

While reading my book Belonging in Healthcare, Dr. Nolan Kagetsu noticed my use of the phrase “death by a thousand cuts” to describe ongoing, subtle slights and insults that slowly wear a person down over time. He told me it refers to a form of torture and execution that was done in China.

I have to admit I wasn’t aware of its origin, nor had I ever thought of looking into it.

It reminded me of something linguist Dr. Suzanne Wertheim has said: we should be mindful about casually using phrases that reference painful parts of history.

Now that I know, I’ll shift away from using the phrase.

5. Community spotlight: Make invisible work visible

This week’s spotlight on an ally action from the Better Allies community is from a higher education project manager who told me how they are making the unseen work of a team visible and valued.

As part of a newly restructured administration division, their team is redefining performance metrics for roles like project managers, executive assistants, and administrative staff.

One idea from a previous newsletter resonated with them: ensure fair access to promotable work. They forwarded it to their vice president, and it helped shape their approach.

As a result, their division will now explicitly recognize “social glue” and organizational well-being work, including:

• Planning retreats and team events.
• Organizing celebrations and milestones.
• Supporting informal onboarding.

They’ve now included this work in their performance metrics, rather than treating it as invisible or incidental.

Thank you 🙏. These contributions are often essential to how teams function, but are frequently overlooked in promotion criteria.

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Together, we can make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Reply to this email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Sponsor an edition of this newsletter
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• Read the Better Allies books
• Tell someone about these resources

Broaden Your Professional Orbit, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. Advocate for paid parental leave

Paid parental leave is already too rare in the United States. And now some employers are scaling it back.

Only 27% of private-industry workers have access to paid family leave, according to the US Department of Labor.

And recently, some high-profile companies that do offer paid leave for new parents have announced reductions. Zoom is cutting theirs by about 6 weeks, to 18 weeks for birthing parents and 10 weeks for non-birthing parents. Deloitte is cutting its parental leave from 16 weeks to 8 weeks.

As former Google executive Laszlo Bock noted, when one company cuts benefits, it can normalize others doing the same.

Yet paid parental leave is an important retention strategy. Catalyst reported earlier this year that 42% of women who voluntarily left their jobs said caregiving responsibilities, including childcare costs, drove their decision to exit the workforce.

There’s also a business case. The cost of one regrettable departure can be greater than the cost of providing leave, including lost productivity, hiring, and onboarding. Estimates range from 50% to 200% of someone’s annual salary.

Consider how you can advocate for protecting or improving paid parental leave. Who can you raise this issue with within your organization or union?

Share this action on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

2. Encourage taking the full leave

One reason organizations scale back parental leave may be that leaders misunderstand it. They might view it as unnecessary, optional, or even a vacation.

I’m still bothered by something a product manager said many years ago when I was about to go on maternity leave: “When Karen gets back from her holiday…”

That mindset matters. As gender equality researcher Siri Chilazi recently noted: When men in leadership take their full leave and talk about it openly, it changes what feels normal and possible. The more who do it, the less controversial it becomes.

Folks, let’s not disparage male coworkers and other non-birth parents for taking parental leave. Let’s encourage them to use the full benefit, support their time away, and welcome them back without judgment.

3. Document marginalized lives

When members of underrepresented or marginalized groups are left out of the historical record, their contributions can be forgotten.

I appreciated learning about UC Berkeley professor Juana María Rodríguez, who asks her students to create and edit Wikipedia articles about LGBTQ+ people, history, and current issues. Together, they’ve made more than 300,000 edits.

Rodríguez’s goal? To prevent erasure.

It also reminded me of physicist Jessica Wade, who has personally added the biographies of more than 875 women scientists to Wikipedia so their contributions are recognized globally. She shares tips and advice for others who want to get started on a TED Talks blog post.

You can help, too.

Think about a leader, author, or someone in your industry who is a member of a marginalized group. If Wikipedia has an entry for them, can you make an edit to reflect their most recent accomplishments? If there isn’t an entry yet, follow Jessica Wade’s advice on how to create one.

Or, if you work in higher education, consider partnering with Wiki Education. They help faculty integrate creating content for Wikipedia articles into their curriculum.

(Thanks to Bernadette Smith’s Equality Institute Newsletter for introducing me to the UC Berkeley initiative.)

4. Treat AAPI racism seriously

May, which is Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month in the United States, is a good reminder to focus on the inequity AAPI people can face in our workplaces. One issue? The false assumption that Asian employees are “doing fine” and not impacted by discrimination.

That belief is tied to the model minority myth. It’s a harmful stereotype that Asian people are uniformly successful and therefore less affected by bias.

As allies, let’s push back if we hear someone saying, “They’ll be fine,” or otherwise trying to downplay reports of harassment against employees of people of Asian and Pacific Island descent. We can ask, “What makes you say that?” and hopefully turn the conversation towards supporting those employees and addressing the discrimination.

5. Community spotlight: Point out the obvious

Sometimes, allyship is as simple as pointing out what others miss.

When newsletter subscriber Lisa had to withdraw from a panel, she recommended a woman colleague with equivalent experience as her replacement. Instead, the organizers chose a man. It just so happened that he didn’t represent the same type of organization as Lisa and her proposed substitute.

Lisa didn’t let it slide. She replied that their revised panel would now be all male and less diverse in another important way, too.

The organizers reconsidered and added her recommended panelist to the lineup.

Lisa summed it up well: “Sometimes it requires pointing out the obvious.”

Thank you, Lisa. What feels obvious to some of us often isn’t visible to others.

If you’ve taken a step towards being a better ally, please reply to this email and tell me about it. And let me know if I can quote you by name or credit you anonymously in an upcoming newsletter.

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series
pronounced KAIR-en KAT-lin, click to hear my name

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Being an ally is a journey. Want to join us?

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Send us an email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• This content originally appeared in our newsletter. Subscribe to “5 Ally Actions” to get it delivered to your inbox every Friday
• Read the Better Allies books
• Form a Better Allies book club
• Tell someone about these resources

Together, we can — and will — make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

Advocate For Paid Parental Leave, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. Listen to learn

Just last week, I wrote about how Philz Coffee removed Pride flags from their shops to be more inclusive. That same day, Philz CEO Mahesh Sadarangani apologized and reversed the decision.

What stood out most was how it happened. According to San Francisco Pride leader Suzanne Ford, Sadarangani showed something not often seen from CEOs in moments like this: genuine humility. He reached out, listened, and understood that the issue wasn’t about optics. It was about whether queer people and the employees who support them feel safe and seen.

Ford also noted that he apologized not as a formality, but as someone who got it wrong and wanted to make it right.

It reminds me of a lesson from Ruchika T. Malhotra’s book Inclusion On Purpose: When someone shares a perspective different from your own, don’t mentally prepare your rebuttal. Stay present. Listen intently.

Let’s all listen to learn. And apologize sincerely when we get something wrong.

Share this action on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

2. Replace “How are you?” with a deeper question

“How are you?” often gets one predictable answer: “Fine.”

That’s why workplace wellbeing expert Laura Putnam encourages leaders to ask deeper questions.

Instead of “How are you?”, Putnam recommends, “What is one thing on your plate right now that feels heavier than it should?” She adds, “You’ll be amazed at what opens up.”

I’d add another question from my book, Better Allies. Ask, “What’s one thing I could be doing differently to better support you or to create a more inclusive workplace?”

Then act on what you hear.

3. Spotlight those you’re honoring

This week, President Trump celebrated the University of Georgia women’s tennis team for their recent championship win. But in the official photo, men connected to the athletic program stood front and center, while the women’s team was pushed to the back of its own celebration.

The message? The honorees were not the focal point.

As The Guardian pointed out, “The image drew comparisons to previous instances in which men have dominated photos at events focused on women’s issues.”

It serves as a good reminder for all of us. When celebrating someone’s work, make sure the spotlight stays on them.

In photos, in meetings, in announcements, and in everyday praise, let’s center the people we’re honoring.

4. Value those who value accuracy

After last week’s newsletter, a subscriber offered a helpful reframe of that survey by LeanIn that called women cautious for questioning AI’s accuracy.

Their point: reviewing outputs, catching errors, and ensuring AI tools work correctly are high-level leadership qualities and a gold standard. It’s the kind of behavior that should be modeled, amplified, and rewarded.

I love this perspective.

If your workplace is investing in AI, consider how to laud those who question the accuracy of the output. For example,

• Recognize people who validate outputs and catch mistakes.
• Add an expectation such as “ensures AI tools produce accurate, business-critical results” to job ladders.
• During project planning or debriefs, ask about AI checks and balances.
• Reward responsible use, not just enthusiastic use.

5. Community spotlight: Remove small barriers

Sometimes allyship looks like noticing a small barrier and addressing it.

Subscriber Wendy McGill shared this recent example:

At an event, they noticed another attendee — using oxygen and a walker — struggling to use the foot-operated bin near the hot drinks station to dispose of a tea bag. Wendy first helped her, then asked the staff for an easier option.

By the next break, someone had placed a small bin on the counter.

Thank you, Wendy. What may have felt like a small act made the space easier for others to navigate. 🙏

I’ve heard similar stories from people who move shopping carts left in the access aisle beside accessible parking spaces. Each time, they help ensure the next person who needs room for a wheelchair ramp, lift, or mobility device can use the space safely.

Let’s all look for chances to make things easier for the people around us.

And if you’ve taken a step towards being a better ally, please reply to this email and tell me about it. Please let me know if I can quote you by name or credit you anonymously in an upcoming newsletter.

That’s all for this week. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me,

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series
pronounced KAIR-en KAT-lin, click to hear my name

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Being an ally is a journey. Want to join us?

• Say thanks to Karen and buy her a coffee (Need a receipt for educational reimbursement? Send us an email, and we’ll take care of it.)
• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• This content originally appeared in our newsletter. Subscribe to “5 Ally Actions” to get it delivered to your inbox every Friday
• Read the Better Allies books
• Form a Better Allies book club
• Tell someone about these resources

Together, we can — and will — make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

Listen to Learn, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. Signal belonging

You may have heard that Philz Coffee, a San Francisco-based coffeehouse chain, announced plans to create “a more consistent and inclusive experience,” which includes removing Pride flags from their shops.

The backlash was swift, with customers and employees urging Philz to reconsider its decision.

As Evelyn Carter, PhD, noted, Pride flags signal belonging. They say: you’re safe, valued, and welcome here.

And belonging isn’t only signaled through flags. Carter cited research showing that people also notice who is represented, what leaders prioritize, and even the posters on the wall.

Consider how your organization can signal belonging for employees, job candidates, customers, and vendors. For example,

• Photos, art, or messaging in your lobby that reinforce an inclusive culture.
• Website language that clearly states your values of belonging and inclusion.
• Slack emojis with Pride flags, varied skin tones, and diverse family or faith representation.
• Conference rooms named for people, places, or historical milestones meaningful to marginalized or underestimated groups.
• Leaders who consistently speak and act in support of belonging.

What’s one change you will advocate for?

Share this action on Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTube.

2. Beware the gender gap in AI usage

A gender gap is emerging in how AI gets adopted and rewarded at work.

New research from Lean In found:

• Recognition gap: Among employees using AI, men are 27% more likely to be praised for it.
• Support gap: Men are 23% more likely than women to be encouraged by their managers to use it.

Left unchecked, gaps like these can compound into lost skills, less visibility, and slower career growth.

One more finding stood out to me: women were 29% more likely to question whether AI is accurate. That kind of critical thinking is an asset to organizations, not a drawback.

If your workplace is investing in AI, pay attention to:

• Who gets invited onto AI projects or task forces.
• Who gets recognized for using AI or lauded for token use.
• Who receives training and encouragement.
• Who is being left out.

Then speak up to help ensure access, support, and opportunity for all.

3. Use outcome-oriented language

Sometimes, the difference between “no” and “yes” is how you frame your ask.

In a viral post on LinkedIn, Tiarney Ritchwood, PhD, shared ways to reword National Institute of Health (NIH) proposals to reduce the chance that DEI-related terms get flagged by algorithms. Her broader point: be precise, and focus on outcomes.

For example,

• Instead of “equity,” describe measurable differences in a specific outcome (such as blood pressure).
• Instead of “underserved populations,” describe populations with limited access to a specific resource (such as primary care or healthy food).

This approach can be useful far beyond healthcare. If you’re seeking support for an employee resource group event, training, or conference budget, lead with the business need and the outcome you’re trying to improve.

Common sense? Maybe. But how many of us are doing it for DEI-related needs?

4. Support what’s needed

While framing inclusion work around business outcomes can help get buy-in, it shouldn’t be the only reason we act.

In last week’s newsletter, I shared some ways to support neurodistinct people and wrote,

“What’s nice is that these approaches can benefit neurotypical workers, too.”

Subscriber Theo sent in this thoughtful feedback:

“As a disabled person, I find this kind of approach frustrating. Yes, the curb cut effect is real, but we should support accessibility efforts even when they don’t benefit neurotypical or non-disabled people. It makes me feel like it’s not good enough for accessibility to be the right thing to do and to benefit disabled people. And that matters because there are some things that disabled people need that won’t help non-disabled people: like paying for a screen-reader subscription or ASL interpretation.”

Thank you, Theo. I agree. We should design systems and solutions for people with disabilities, even if not everyone will directly benefit.

5. Community appeal: Help sustain this newsletter

I genuinely enjoy writing this newsletter and sharing ideas that spark change in workplaces everywhere. And I hear from many of you that this is your favorite newsletter and you look forward to reading it every Friday. You’ve told me:

• I’ve made you notice your assumptions and think more intentionally about how to show up for others.
• I’ve inspired you to take action to create a better workplace for all.
• I’ve guided you through difficult situations and conversations.
• I’ve helped you recruit and retain talent.
• Together, we’re making the world a better place.

And it takes real resources to produce. Between tools like Mailchimp (which just raised its fees) and editorial support, it costs about $8,000 a year to keep the newsletter going. (That does not even account for the many hours I spend researching and writing it every week.)

I’m grateful to those of you who have already supported this work — whether through a financial contribution or by inviting me to speak at your organization or event.

If you’d like to help sustain the newsletter, here are a few ways to do that:

• Bring me in to speak about the Better Allies approach.
• Explore my sponsorship levels with your organization.
• Purchase a bulk order of the Better Allies or Belonging in Healthcare for your team.
• Make a one-time or monthly gift via Buy Me a Coffee.

Your support helps me continue sharing practical, everyday actions to build better workplaces. Thank you for being part of this community. 🙏

Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series
pronounced KAIR-en KAT-lin, click to hear my name

Copyright © 2026 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

Being an ally is a journey. Want to join us?

• Follow @BetterAllies on Instagram, Medium, or YouTube. Or follow Karen Catlin on LinkedIn
• This content originally appeared in our newsletter. Subscribe to “5 Ally Actions” to get it delivered to your inbox every Friday
• Read the Better Allies books
• Form a Better Allies book club
• Tell someone about these resources

Together, we can — and will — make a difference with the Better Allies® approach.

Signal Belonging, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.