It is a big condolence here that some parties are really trying to do frauds and NOT afraid of being viewed as is by the people. Megathrust; regional head election, especially in Jakarta; political turmoil since, all the big parties, even when they do NOT share the same value AND are opposing, are joining forces; bullying cases inside of doctor’s training; the decline of middle class and aspiring middle class for the last five years (2019–2024) BY 4% from 21% to 17% and BY 1% from 48% to 49% respectfully (Basri, 2024); the high tuition fees even when they are literally not private schools, hence, SUBSIDIZED public universities; overworked AND underpaid school teachers ALSO university lecturers; horizontal conflicts, which really is unnecessary; independence day that many don’t feel like celebrating
(celebrating what, anyway?); and the newest trend: MONKEYPOX! YAY! What a time to be alive, don’t you think? A potential pandemic since Covid 19. Jeez.

Not long ago, there was a news covering a man, working as a partner in like DoorDash or Uber Eats, passed away while waiting IN LINE for his customer’s order. It broke my heart, I don’t know. I cried. The country has failed him. WE have failed him. On the contrary, there is this alleged nepo baby in public government, living so lavishly and even opening up patreon to their followers so they can “unlock” and see their “content” of wealth-showing activities; really shows what characters that this country has. Namely going abroad using their private jet, buying newborn stuff since the daughter is pregnant, and also eating out at, again, a pretty “affordable” cake restaurant while others (teachers, students, working class and blue collar workers) are living and trying to spend less than that food’s price to
make ends meet covering their MONTHLY paycheck. Grossed the frick out of me when I heard their lifestyle.

Me, myself, I have been struggling myself with life. Work, school, love life, you name it. Not counting other external factors such as family pressure (although there is none, they are really supportive. I love them.), the neighbors and the so called friends (although I don’t really take those things anymore. Offense is taken, not given.), as well as plans that don’t go as we want them to be. Don’t start talking about the global issues with me; it’s already tiring here.

What I’m trying to say is that, no matter how small our act would be seen, it is still an act. It is a statement that nobody asks for; you don’t even need to do it; nothing would change in the bigger picture; we would still find opportunities in life by ourselves; et cetera. RATHER, it shows where we are standing; justice shall prevail, or fall? On which side you are facing your heart and mind? What is the thing that you want to see? You decide.

It’s 3:32 now and this has been a long while not yapping ahaha. As a closing statement, I would like to say this; and I’m not afraid of saying it:

“Profesimu tidak digunakan untuk menghentikan gerakan hati nuranimu.”

“Your profession is not being used to stop you from obeying your conscience.”

Panjang umur perjuangan!

Kelas Menengah: dari Zona Nyaman ke Zona Makan

Still, what is there to learn from the same ego being repeated every damn second? Redundant, surely, definitely, but liked by many.

On the other hand, we always have another option.

To hell with perfection. Imperfection is what makes us alive. Strive still. Jive hard. Archive everything.

Mascara smiles and painted eyes, hiding the truth; the pain that lies.

Weary souls in polished shells, seeking validation; casting spells. A dance of masks, a hollow game, where true connection fades in shame. Shame.

Tired of the filtered, flawless art. Yearning for substance, a genuine heart. Beneath the surface, cracks appear; vulnerability, a whispered fear.

Let the masks fall. The filters fade. Embrace the raw, the light and shade. In imperfections, beauty lies. Authenticity, a precious prize.

So let us see beyond the guise, the real faces, the honest eyes. For in the depths of being true, we find the love we’re meant to pursue.

The first time I was amazed by a female friend was in 6th grade.

I was taking an extra hour study after school. IDK what it’s called internationally but basically my parents paid for an extra hour for teachers to come to my house or I come to theirs; usually interns or a college student doing a part time teaching to teach me some selected subjects for about three hours. Basically doing assignments with friends to prepare for the national exam. The students were from different schools so we barely know each other the first time we started the course.

One fine evening, we were just fooling around laughing at each other’s life when suddenly a girl came in. She was singing a song. It was a pop song and she sang it while stomping the grounds as well! I was STUNNED. s-t-u-n-n-e-d. Actually, I wasn’t the only one. The WHOLE CLASS were. Stunned by her beauty with her long brown kind of hair, which was rare at that time, even for an adult. She was an elementary student as well but I wasn’t familiar with her. Me, being myself, I never tried to have a contact with her. I could barely look at her since I was too embarrassed to even start an eye contact and that basically sums up my sixth grade. Great!

Months later, after I got into junior high school, I found out from a friend that she, the girl that once struck my mind, was my kindergarten friend! Apparently my friend is still friends with her as in still play regularly with her. There was a time when we were friend! Me and her in the same class! That blew my mind. Took me a while to find that out since internet wasn’t that big of a deal for us students especially when we were only playing Defense of the Ancients and Counter Strike all day every day. LAN supremacy; what’s internet for anyway? Just kidding. We usually go online as well to play with overseas friends.

Years after, I just had too many life events that made me forget about her presence. Well, she didn’t have a single “presence” to me, actually. Only time she ever did was her being in my mind AKA me being delusional. LOL.

Apart from all of that, though, I never really had real feelings for her. I was only admiring her looks and never tried to look at her from a different perspective e.g. her views on life, the subjects she likes, etc. One of the lessons I’ve learned so far in my life: don’t be a judgmental person. Learn what others look like from the person’s perspective, not from hearsay or based on what others say. Most of the time, there’s barely any truth if it comes from others that claim to know the person that you want to get to know.

Adios!

On that afternoon time, I saw an orphan not far from where I was standing while I was on my way to the minimarket. You might wonder how was I able to identify the orphan? Well, it’s because I know the person. Plot twist of the year! He was seen entering the minimarket just before me and he was standing next to the donation box. I was watching him carefully as I didn’t want him to be aware of my presence; I like to keep it quiet and simple, don’t want to startle him or do anything funny. I should probably add a little disclaimer here: it’s largely known here to stay low-key for when you do a donation or a charity. You want to keep it to yourself and only you as the witness since it would be considered as showing off if you don’t. It’s one of the local wisdoms that’s derived from a belief that the majority of the people hold here.

I don’t want to disclose as to how much the exact amount of money he donated. But, I can assure you one thing: you can at least buy a plate of fried rice for three or five for dinner; or any kind of food, really. It was already a huge amount of money that a middle schooler can have at that time and, no kid, in their adolescent mind, would spend their money on something that noble or something that doesn’t give back amusement; let alone spending it all at once! Truly amazing and I was just standing there in awe for one hot minute. It will always make me jealous of how can he be so giving and generous to others even when he himself is an orphan. That’s what crossed my mind the second I saw him do the thing. I mean, he surely has been through a lot with his condition AND is still willing to share some of his small fortune with others. I suddenly couldn’t feel my face and I just want to go somewhere else. Truth is, I couldn’t handle the reality that someone that’s been through a lot can still give back to the community while me, a decent kid actually preferably, have never donated that much with so much ease (I don’t know how easy was it to him actually but he would always show no expression when doing something. Hopefully you get it). So, on that day forward, I said to myself that I can be like him too; giving some of my fortune to others. Not actually trying to compete with him, but competing with my old-past-self.

Whenever you feel that you don’t belong here, when you feel that there’s nothing you can do, you’re wrong — dead wrong. Of course there’s something you can do! Cats and ants are also living beings that you can give some of your food crumbs. I’m sure they’ll be happy. Somehow. At least, they get to eat and not having to spend their energy to walk first. Think of it as you being their DoorDash delivery.

Adios!

Enough of the introduction, now onto the main topic. We all, or at least some of us, agree that reading is one of the most entertaining activity to do in our free or full time. Whether you are reading fiction books, research-based books, journals, or blogs and websites like this depending on your purpose. To broaden your knowledge on things, to catch up with the news, or to feed your imagination and just want to leave the real life world behind. Sweet escape.

Like Aristotle said,

The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.

Like Albert Einstein said,

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.

The more we read, the more we realize that we have known only a tiny bit of the universe’s plot. Therefore we want to read more and more, leading us to not try or implement the things we have learned because we are afraid to take any chances based on our little-knowledge perception.

Fear, is something a human being has to acknowledge and surpass. In order to have the power to do that, you need to read more. Just kidding. I’m sure you guys have already read a bunch of articles and other topics. Fear usually also means that you are a perfectionist. You are afraid to fail. That’s it. That’s why you procrastinate. In order to surpass this, you want to start as soon as your mind thinks about the idea. Don’t even think about “yeah I’ll do it in five minutes”, “give me 10 more minutes”, “I’ll start doing it at xx:00 next hour”. Just as soon as your mind pops the idea, count down from five until one and then just start doing it.

To be honest, I am somewhat a perfectionist myself, thus this paradox applies to me too. At least that’s what my closest friends told me. All my works usually has been done on the last minute. Last. D*mn. Minute. I’m still in university so we are going to use assignments as an example. Usually the lecturer would give us a one-semester-long-project because the process is going to take so much time and the result have to be at least precise even if it’s not accurate, it’s still tolerable. Then there is me, a young fine man, who likes to do other activities rather than fulfilling my responsibilities mentioned above. Knowing d*mn well that I wouldn’t finish the task in time if what I’m aiming is perfection. A good friend of mine once said, “a good thesis is one that is done”. No matter how many mistakes you may have made in the writings, it’s still a good thesis because at least it’s done.

Conclusion:

Reading is indeed a source of knowledge especially in internet era where you can read almost anything you want to know in a quick search on an online library or search engine which saves us time rather than having to go to the nearest library in our town and then look for the book we want to read. While it’s addicting, you also want to implement what you have just read in order to fully understand the idea of the thing you just read, admit it we can’t be a madman who can make a very innovative founding on our first attempt. Perfection is something that’s hard to get if you aren’t brave enough to start the first step to get the task done. Be a challenger. Beat the game.

Adios!

Disclaimer: this writing was first posted on my other blog.

Imagine you are alone in an abandoned house. Just imagine it; don’t ask me how did you end up there -.- you’re starting to realize that all your clothes are dirty as hell and you are starving. Somehow, time feels so slow there and it’s so dark you barely see anything. You feel the breeze of the wind, but it doesn’t seem to have any window near where you are standing now. Strange as it may sound. You didn’t find anything there but a big, empty, dark room in front of your very eye. The wind suddenly started to feel colder and colder in each second; there was no other choice but to pass through that only door.

There is a quote, which I forgot from whom and where did I read the saying,

nothing is certain except the uncertainty itself.

A dark room, in this case, is something that most of us are afraid of. It’s because our perception just doesn’t like uncertainty. From the day we were born, we have been taught that there are ghosts living among us. Crimes that cannot be seen using our not-so-used-to-crime-investigation eye, aliens living above our planet, and etc. Whether you believe in one religion or not, you are still likely to be afraid of it because, your community does, too. Environment plays a big role on how you improve, adapt, and persevere in your life. If you live in a pessimistic family or your neighbor, which you would always come to them when you need someone to talk to, you are more likely to be a pessimistic person than someone who lives and interacts with those who have been struggling and achieve their goals in life. The negative influence that comes from that alone is merely the beginning. Later on, you will be afraid of taking chances, new opportunities, jobs, ranks, etc.

Black hole, is also an uncertainty. Although, scientists around the world have been doing a lot of researches regarding the definition of a black hole. What if something ended up inside? Will it ever come back? What is inside of the black hole and how can we find it? The question is, what makes them keep going on whatever it is that they are doing? What will it give if you can finally uncover of what is inside of the black hole? The idea is surpassing your current level and fear, which usually limits us to take new challenges. Do your research; how big will the room be after you pass the door, find a match or a lighter to help you walk through the dark, observe the surrounding with your ear and etc. We can’t delete the feeling of uncertainty, but we can control how the feelings will affect our life. After all, it’s not something we can tackle in one sitting. Take your time.

Will aliens ever make an appearance to us human on Earth? Will the sky crumble when the aliens arrive on Earth? Will there be an afterlife? Well, that will be story for another time. No one knows the answer yet for now. One thing for sure is for us to keep on learning everyday and keep pushing our boundaries.

Originally published at https://backthoughtsofaim.blogspot.com on December 26, 2020.