Contemplating self!

On person

What to do, when to do or not to!

I feel pain! I don’t know why?

I feel I need a restart of my entire person,

Like, I have accepted so many perceptions about myself, true or not,

Such that, I don’t know how to behave anymore or be myself,

I just be saying, yes all the damn time, like what da hell is that about dude!

And now I resent myself for this false identity I have defined for myself!

Although born emotional, inherited mostly from mum and then dad.

Those dudes did me a strong thing!

On hope

Trying to regain my real person by hibernating or just blacking out for a sec, actually longer!

Fingers crossed, praying steadfastly, tryna work on more stuff too!

Improve traction maybe? Or just be creative and do anything!

Or put me out more on the internet and probably make money from it?

Apply, create, join, read, study, learn, listen, speak, write, develop etc.

I have really been praying, honestly!

On dealing with people

I isolate a lot, Hmmph! Seriously have gotten myself outta this shell for a while!

I resent pity but appreciate honest empathy.

There is fake empathy, which is exaggerated sympathy,

It always comes out!

To others, I come off as proud, arrogant, naïve, interrogative, intimidating!

Well, what do I know?

For one, I am fearful and resent anger since elementary!

On mental health and personal sanity

This is a deal-breaker,

For it defines my core person, it is my strength!

Once I identify a threat in this area, the functionality of my entire being is affected.

I mean holistically, ha-ha! Sad stuff!

Right now, I know I don’t feel good at all!

Like my self-esteem is in a shattering situation, and I’m tryna pick up the pieces.

On work.

I don’t like to come off as one who works for passion, even though I am.

Else I will be working for me!

I feel I could be emotionally manipulated in that area.

So, I work with what interests me, only there do we align.

Interest is like passion, just saying.

This can be shadowed by the loss of confidence in personal ability,

Or, lost confidence in the integrity of work.

On Religion

I am so Naaaaaaah religious, Conservative, oh yeah!

Value-based: Oh Yeah!

Principles: this right here has been costly and tricky!

Standard of truth: The holy bible

Liberal: Sure why not? In so it aligns with the scripture!

Friends

The world holds a very ambiguous and exaggerated definition of friendship,

I don’t care to be accepted by plenty of people,

Plus I don’t like being attached.

Also, having a lonely viewpoint due to being usually isolated may kill me,

But, I just need one friend! Just one to be honest!

I don’t believe everyone is fake.

On eating

I was eating regularly until lately,

My food routine has been affected…

I just wanna gain weight a little bit more,

I can feel my bones, and I do not like the feel!

I want some flesh duude!

The end, for now! Till next week, sure thing!

NB: Please do not use any information from here to determine me, you will most likely be very wrong or slightly right. Nevertheless, being right or wrong do not matter. What matters is you!

Now, this is worrisome, to say the least. ‘Any which way,’ I roll with him. And I start to notice this dude be tryna to reel coins outta me. Like whaaaat!!

The end… For now! 😌