Yesterday I woke up from a tonsillectomy. My fear existed that I would have woken up in severe pain.

Before the procedure, I was scheduled first of the day, I woke up at 5AM. I was generally calm, you could have seen the stress I had the evening before.

But this morning I convinced myself I would remain calm. I would have a serene morning, enjoying my sower and packed my stuff. My wife and kids were still asleep when my drive arrived at 6:15 AM. I had to check in at the hospital at 6:45 AM. During the short drive I just had small talks and we made some jokes. I said I convinced myself to walk into the operating room smiling. This would trick my brain that there would be no reason to stress, and everything would be just OK. We laughed about it. — But I did.

I did walk in to the room with a big smile. I said hi to everyone, we talked a bit while they were preparing me for the procedure. When the anesthesiologist started pumping the drugs into my veins, I told them I could feel it. It was not scary, it felt differently then the other times I had been put asleep. The nurse had put a gas mask on my face, telling me it was just oxygen. I could feel it was not. I teasingly looked straight into her eyes and said “That is NOT oxygen”. … She apologized and and I fell asleep laughing.

I woke up, realizing where I was and what happened. I was surprised I was not in severe pain. (As everybody warned me about) The doctor came after a little while, explaining it was not an easy task, but it all went extremely well. I thanked her.

I had a quick chat with one of the nurses about 1984, a clockwork orange, animal farm and brave new world. How we got to the point of discussing New Utopians/Dystopians, I can’t remember. I was still drugged. Yet, I was happy to talk to somebody who shared same interests and who had read said books, the first person I saw when I woke up. Off I went to my room.

Not long after that, I tried to take my first sips of iced water. Pleasant it was not, but I’ve went through much worse pain in my life. The moment I could stand up, I moved to the small table in my room and I started reading “Tao Te Ching” or “Book of the way”.

I learned about this book on a TED talk, and it intrigued me so that I decided to buy it so I could read it in the hospital during my recovery. When I started to read it, immediately the text drew my mind into a place of rest, calmness and peace. It all was so simple, so right, so beautiful. I took the time to read each page carefully. I would read one, think about it, read it again, close the book and process it. Some insights that come from these texts feel like I knew it already, but I just didn’t know about it, or I didn’t know how to use that knowledge. Now it feels like I can start integrating this knowledge into my life.
Step by step.

My pain and anxiety felt distant, with moments completely gone.
There I was, sitting in this hospital room smiling, right after what is supposed to be a painful procedure. My wife asked me if I was all right, if I was still drugged maybe.
At that moment it might have been just that, but I still feel like this one day later. Every nurse or doctor that walked into the room got greeted with a smile, there were small talks and when they left the room I would always thanks them. I was enjoying listening to music, reading articles or the book. I started eating by evening, I drank my first coke at around 5 PM. No issues.

This morning, I woke up at 5 AM, well rested, no pain. The only times I woke up during the night was when the nurse checked in on me. I enjoyed eating bread and drinking cold coffee. The doctor told me I was doing extremely well and that I could go home. I filled my time reading and listening to a podcast or music. I took a shower and cleaned up the room.
I had a full sized meal: chicken, mushed potatoes, wok grilled vegetables and a soup. I finished the whole plate enjoying like it was my first meal in weeks.

Now I’m back home sitting in my garden listening to classic music, reading a bit, enjoying the sun. Then suddenly, the thought came to write this story. Let this be my fist blog post. I took my notebook and pen and wrote this in one go.
In a couple of days I will have more pain, I know that, it’s part of the healing process. I just found it significant that this positive mindset, simple as it is, has helped me so well. By nature I’ve always been focused on the negative. I’ve always been on the edge of being stressed out, burnt out and feeling depressed. But this insight, of which I will train myself further into, has helped me so quickly, so well. I just had to write this down.
I just had to share this story.

Lessons learned,
Stay positive.