If you truly believe you’re right, you tend to try to do the right thing. But if there is a counter to your own narrative, unable to persuade you, you may feel pressured to go to extreme lengths, which in turn reaches a level that isn’t justified anymore.
Let’s right away talk about one of the most prominent examples, so it doesn’t lurk in everyone’s mind: Hitler.
One man with one idea, someone who thought his people, and by extension him, were oppressed by another people. Thus he went on a journey, probably never thinking he was wrong.
Everyone in their own mind plays the biggest role.
Count that up to the world population, minus a few, and you have billions of main characters.

But before we ask the first questions and attempt to find solutions for them, we should reason some premises first.


The first premise lays the foundation of human autonomy and the resulting responsibility.

As an example I would like to talk about the average person’s views of corporations. Because these are often times seen as a single entity. And this comes as a great benefit to said corporations, because of the image it draws:
If you want to fight a brand, you’re up against a bloated version of Hobbes’ Leviathan, one so powerful, you cannot ever fight it. You may be able to rally some people against it, make it lose some profit, but that is it.
The reason for it is simple, rather than being a leviathan, a big corporation is actually more of a hydra — with the exception that instead of two more heads, it just replaces it with a new one every time its beheaded.
Our hydra’s heads are the leading human minds of the corporation.
But the hydra’s true size doesn’t come from its most dangerous aspect, but its entire body.
Namely, every stakeholder. If those disappear, the heads have no body to grow on anymore.
From the very individual(s) who lead said brand all the way down to the one consuming, everyone carries responsibility.

Once more, I’d like to bring up my former MMO addiction, because believe me when I tell you, most MMO players are singlehandedly outweighing the biggest complainers and cry babies, not just on the internet, but the entire planet, by a massive margin.
If you never played an MMO, I can get you a very simple and perfectly clear analogy:
Imagine this, Coca-Cola changes the weight of its bottle by 4 grams (0.14oz), and suddenly everyone starts complaining. “It just feels different”, “Coke is dead”, “Pepsi will overtake it now!”, and so on. Believe me. I wish I was joking.
Sometimes it might even be justified. Getting a product out there, specially one that has to be ever-changing, because it’s in the entertainment sector, is tough. That doesn’t mean we have to excuse every misstep, but that very fact invites mistakes.
And the response? Words. That which arguably differentiates us from most other animals, one of our strongest assets and weapons, is also our strongest weakness.
Because these very words of complaint already make us feel engaged — as if we already done something about it, and now it’s just others holding back the key to happiness.
When in reality, we haven’t done anything of value. The factor of the ambivalence of the efficiency of words as well as the image of every big corporation being a hydra paralyzes humans. Especially, if an action against the hydra would mean less convenience.
And I’m not talking about the convenience of survival, no, the simple convenience of not consuming luxury good A anymore.
Look, as someone who has quit several games, YouTube channels, foods, and drinks, I can tell you one thing for sure: Every single of these entities are still alive and well.
But, in the grander scheme of things, I’m personally still better of than with those things in my life.
I took responsibility not for some virtuous grand standing, but because I first and foremost strife to make myself feel a little bit happier and remove most unnecessary rise in cortisol levels.
So, in my example of the hydra being the image of a corporation, I may not be a head — but a scale. Regrowing scales is a much tougher thing to do than a head in this case.
You can simply search for a single new head, make monetized offers, and employ it. Being a scale is a choice, one that comes with only one benefit: The product, but in exchange for either time, money, or both.
This means in premise one I prescribe to every single human the responsibility to have a valid choice in their action.


The second premise might be the most annoying to argue for.

No, not everyone besides you or your camp are NPCs, bots, or sheep.

And it is annoying for two reasons. First, because I often times feel like that as well. Yes, when I see political spectrums argue their case, it often time just feels like it’s not self-thought points, but repeated narratives from pundits.
Secondly, because in a world where there are conservatives calling Biden a communist, or lefties every single conservative a fascist, it’s hard to imagine the same people would be able to overlook their own biases and tackle the catastrophically demise of logic and reason.
Yet, in every day, people have their own thoughts and motives, even if not their own ideas.
Which is fine, if we look at it from the bigger picture, because none of us are really participating in their own ideas.
The airplane getting you to your vacation wasn’t yours, the computer I’m typing this nor the website I’m publishing the result are my idea. Nor is writing, or the tools to be able to write in the first place. And many arrive at a different place with the same ideas.
That is what differentiate us from each other. That makes us human individuals.
Dumbing people down to the idea they hold has got to stop and this has to be yelled ad nauseum, because it is the stupidest thing we are currently doing in our world.
Much more interesting are the motives and how said ideas are being used. But more about that in another post.
But, it’s ultimately a leading path stone to the current topic.
Because Hitler acted on an idea, which existed for decades before, even if in more primitive versions.
Because religions are less about the idea of whether a god exists or not, but a prescription of how someone ought to live their life.
Because an institution isn’t just the original idea when they were founded, but the decades of empirical data they’ve written down in the books of history.
And everyone participating, had their motives and reasons. They weren’t mind controlled. Although, to be fair, there is an argument about the propaganda of Nazi Germany, even if that doesn’t excuse anything. Also, those were different times. Back then, a government had it much easier to narrate the information stream.


Those two premises are very important to understand, if we want to seriously consider thinking about what is ahead. In this post, in life in general, either way.
Especially in political discourse, if it can even be called that anymore, I often times notice an individual who wants to be heard out, but finds no open ears, except for those who are already in their bubble.
I would like to get this down to the everyday level, however. A bit more personal.
While not the same, there is a certain psychological term which has a lot in common with our current political ‘discourse’.
Narcissists.
I had one of those in my life in the past. And it’s exactly the same on the micro level of a single actual narcissist as it is on a macro level of ideologies and a group hold those.

A lot had happened. And I mean, a lot. But one day, me, the narcissist, and a third person, who was also involved, sat at a table, attempting to talk things out.
The third person and I were super charitable and patient, taking blame, where it was justified. Appeasing where we felt it necessary. And said narcissist, always had just one kind of response: “Yes! You are to blame for this!” and “Exactly! You are to blame for that!”.
With every single concession, I grew more frustrated, impatient, and tired. Especially, because these concessions lacked nuance, meaning they weren’t a simple “good” or “bad” thing.
When the moment came to say “However[…]”, frustration, impatience, and tiredness almost grew into violence.
Because there was not a single thing the narcissist did that they felt was wrong.
Genuinely, not a single admission — not because of how uncomfortable it might be, but because the narcissist just doesn’t make mistakes.
It was a weird feeling, when I subconsciously felt my fist forming, and this, what I can only describe as a gravitational pull towards the narcissists’ face, which I fortunately was able to pull back from.

Remind you of something? Riots? Storming the capitol?
The tough question is, who is the narcissist in these examples?
Well, as I said before, they are not the same, just similar from the micro level of an individual narcissist to the macro level of a collective of humans who hold a specific idea.
While, in an absolute perverted and mentally ill way, a narcissist is able to convince themselves of never being wrong, a collective in the same bubble, can reasonably put themselves under the illusion of being correct, simply by having thousands of voices repeating what they already believe.
In other words, natural self-doubt is silenced by the masses.

If you have any experience with mental health issues, you may know a trick to stop having your primitive brain (e.g. amygdala) block the path to your more sophisticated brain (e.g. frontal lobe). And that would be to do exactly NOT what activates a flight or fight response, but one that forces you to think.
It’s better yet, if the individual is aware of their issues, and thus goes into the situations knowing they might have a bad reaction, since this can create a trigger point for the more sophisticated parts of their brains.
Everyone can become a victim of cognitive dissonance, because we don’t all agree on the same things. The definition of cognitive dissonance is literally in its own term, when your cognitive process meets processes which dissonate, or in another word, disharmonize from your own, you meet something very close to physical pain.
That pain can only be fought by either avoiding it, falling for the trap of you thinking you’re always in the right, justified by confirmation bias and your bubble, or grow a figurative pair and strengthen your mental fortitude. (More about mental fortitude in another post soon).
But I lied. There is one more way to avoid it. And that is understanding that a human is not just their idea, which they truly believe to be the right thing, they are also their actions and inactions, as well as an iteration of their motives.
We all grow frustrated, when someone says we are just not understanding them, answering “no I get it, you believe X”. But both parties misunderstand the other as well as themselves.
What we have forgotten is how to ask the question of “why someone stands for a specific idea.” and what they make of it.
What happened instead, was people filling the now left-open void of the motives and interests of other people, with the least charitable, or rather most vile ones.
Hence, Biden is a communist, and a conservative a fascist.
Yes, the individual within the collective ought to be called responsible for their action, like when they destroy other people’s property, or storm the capitol.
That is an immediate action principle. One which will always be followed by a hindsight factor, which ought to beg the question of why an individual was led to believe their action to be justified — and whether this is something that can potentially be repeated.
Because remember, in premise one we said that we are autonomous, but also not blamed for the ideas we hold in premise two, but instead held accountable for our actions and inactions.


The human world is one where everyone is doing the right thing, but nothing really is right to begin with.

To the extent that I’ve been playing MMOs for 14 years now, I don’t really fall under that category per se.
If you know anything about the genre, you’ll know that it consists of a lot of “grinding” and work to achieve something.
And that is exactly the point, the sense of achieving something is what is really being replaced. If we take a step back and look at the bigger picture, the goals we’ve been given from very early on, are all but a hopeful gratification for a good grade we might bring home.
School, as a very abstract version of what is supposed to balance education and preparation for a child’s future, is not filled with sensical goals.

Furthermore, while it should be a success for society, it isn’t executed as one:
Working isn’t something you do because you have to, like it was decades ago, but rather something that is supposed to accumulate a higher net worth. Which then can be spend on, what exactly?
There isn’t much time to travel, for your almost daily participation at your job. And even then, is vacation really travel time? Or rather an escape from work?
No, it is spent on all the things I don’t even have to mention anymore. It is a well-established fact that today’s consumerism is the antithesis of Epicurus’ image of a good life.
So instead of enumerating what we spend our money on, shouldn’t we at this point rather ask why?

Well, as I said, I can talk from experience. And it mainly comes down to these four things:

Escapism

Considering I was a child when I started, this is tougher to abstract and generalize. The idea is that something in life seemed out of my own control, so without realizing it, I spent hours upon hours per day in a game that allowed me to take on a whole new persona. One that would be closer to the real me, as opposed to the one I could be in reality.
Escaping reality, but also, and this is where it gets tough from a child’s point of view, the responsibility to put in the effort to work against whatever it was that seemed out of my hand.
It took me actually close to ten years to understand why I suddenly lived an online life, rather than going out and socialize. If you have worked in your life, you will have noticed that the first impression you leave is crucial for the rest of your work-life in that particular job.
It could be three years later, you could be a changed person, but the after taste of your first established characterization still follows you around — almost to the point, where you still feel like you have to justify a past you, one that doesn’t even exist in that form anymore.
A very similar concept happens when you enter the online world, except that you get to redefine yourself over and over again, with hardly no one really noticing the difference, taking you for how you present yourself in the moment. Away from judgements of your looks, income, or any other external factors.
I didn’t build a relationship with the game(s) per se, but the idea that I could escape whatever it was that was bothering me in real life.
Drugs have a similar effect, just that instead of offering you a new space to move in, they dampen your ability to feel the bad things of life.

The second idea is closely related to the escapism.

Chasing Achievements

Get to a certain level, completion of collectibles, equipment farming, getting to a certain skill level, and literally finishing Achievements, all of the things that didn’t just give me something to do, no, they gave me goals. Life goals. Ones that made me stay awake every night, literally dream about them, and made sure I’d come home from school, or later work and continued where I stopped.
A life that I wanted to escape left me with no life goals, so a convenient exchange for a virtual one was more than welcome.
It gives you clear reasons for why you don’t achieve what you want to, you failed a mechanic, didn’t put in the effort, or just lack the gear to do it.
There was always the knowledge of if would I spend the same amount of time in the study of mathematics, I’d be easily getting a PHD in it.

The third one is pretty obvious and unrelated to the former two.

Social Environments

Whether it’s your circle of people who do the same drugs, the sociable drink, going out with the colleagues to have a cigarette, or any online activity, it only becomes worse when you find like-minded people, who exchange something they lack in their lives with whatever it is they are addicted to.
I too, had people who accepted me for the quirky guy I was in MMOs. Some looked up to me, since I wasn’t a half-bad player, others made me their rival. A whole ecosystem of side and support characters, even antagonists were to be found.
And it just seems so much easier to socialize with people, who use the same basis to meet as you do.
Meeting a stranger in real life is a completely different scenario, since our intentions of being there are most likely completely different. My worst enemy in a game was still preferable to a stranger, who I wouldn’t know anything of.

Order without Autonomy

Do you know why it’s most likely not going to help with homelessness, if we were to just give homeless people homes? Because even the most divergent thinking person, requires some order in their lives. Something to aim for, from the micro sense of things all the way to the macro level. Give it long enough time without order, and a human being is very well capable of losing themselves to freedom, or in the Kantian sense, lose their autonomy itself, and only follow their desires as a guiding hand.
This is probably the hardest part of addiction.
In MMOs, there are daily and weekly events, which all happen at the same time during the day or week. Mentioned before already, the way of acquiring improvements and achievements is very structured and while often times luck based, easily repeatable.
An MMO can become the perfect dystopian exchange for a life and become a utopia in the mind of the lost.
The Order without Autonomy point is one that stands out in the four points, as all three are based on unhealthy extrinsic input, while this one is based on the lack thereof.

As you can see, an addictive medium is very well capable of offering something. Something in exchange for what we lack in life. But it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, right?
No, obviously not. Addiction can be good! It’s just, we’d never call a beneficial addiction an “addiction”.
Because the gym-junkie is seemingly very healthy and happy with their lifestyle.
Even though they escape from a busy work-life, chase achievements, and even find a social environment in like-minded people, who all follow a strict diet and schedule, against the chaos of freedom, but within the realm of autonomy.
Brandon Sanderson, a well-known writer of fantasy novels, is self-admittedly addicted to writing. Vacation isn’t something he does to clear his minds from his novels, it’s something he uses to write without anyone bothering him.
In fact, he has an entire page dedicated to how he doesn’t write to live, but lives to write [https://faq.brandonsanderson.com/knowledge-base/what-is-your-daily-wordcount-time-goal/].
He’s one of the most successful authors of the current time. Makes a lot of money. And even though if he wasn’t successful, he’d be called a dreamer, no one would call out his addiction to writing. And he too fulfils the Escapism, Chasing of Achievements, Social Environments, and Order parts of addictions.
The list of “good” and “bad” addictions could go on.

So, with all of this, I found myself wary of what could be addicting and have a good impact on my life and thus me. And vice versa.
Playing MMOs has become but a hobby of mine, one that I enjoy in limits and never in exchange for my daily tasks, like writing, learning something new, or my work out routine.
But the important part, none of these things stop me from being accountable for my own life choices and circumstances. On the contrary, all of the things I do now, balance out in supporting my self-improvement, and give me a sense of escape, when I need it.
And most importantly, all of them work towards my personal life goal while utilizing my self-given purpose.

It is important however, to keep a check on yourself. Even the gym-junkie can go too far, set unrealistic goals, look up to the false people, and end up using steroids or to say the least, end up seriously injuring themselves, because they didn’t properly educate themselves beforehand.
And this sets the stage to someone who works a lot. We tend to respect people who are constantly on the grind, go home from their work to continue working on their own project, and eventually make the kind of money that is life changing, except it doesn’t even change their lives, because they continue the grind.
Whenever I personally hear someone say they are always working, I immediately become jealous. “I wish I could do that” I think to myself. But, just to make sure my posts are working towards self-improvement and (mental) health, I need to tell you that workaholics are an actual thing. Usually, people who unfortunately more often than not work towards the life goals of another person, rather than their own. What in an absolute absurd state of affairs reaches the exact opposites of the three prior mentioned addiction-points, while taking the last, namely Order, to an extreme.
Instead of escaping reality, they invite all their hardships into their lives — seemingly thinking they deserve it. Not chasing their own achievements, but rather that of others, as if their life wasn’t given to them, but a tool for someone else. And finally, not seldom all while starving their own friends and family of attention. A kind of addiction which allows one to get rid of their own freedom, because it is not freedom they lack in their lives, but order. A guiding hand of their own. In an interesting twist however, even those kinds of people get to run away from the responsibility given by autonomy. That however, will become the topic of another post in the future.

So, what is the morale of the story? Fighting an addiction has never been useful. It’s never been the path of success for those who have overcome it. If you or someone you know is struggling with one, the clear path is to find what it is your addiction is giving you that you otherwise lack. And then comes the real hard part of bonding yourself to a new, healthier thing that can fill what would only become a dangerous void, if you were to just suddenly stop with whatever you’re addicted to.
This comes especially from a place of experience, since I’ve quit MMOs numerous times back then, only to find myself addicted in the mindless consumption of thousands of YouTube videos and Livestreams.
There is a good test for whether your addiction is a good one. It doesn’t always work, but it can certainly help:
Autonomy vs Freedom. One follows in accordance with the rationale of a thing, the other simply follows the desire to do something, or the autonomous choice to do X vs the freedom to do Y.
The former can work towards you desire, the latter is executing what you desire, with no real end goal.
Of course, one could argue that a gamble addict has the greater goal of winning the jackpot, but that’s where understanding Autonomy comes in. Because it doesn’t mean you’re free to do anything you want, but to do the right thing. And hoping to win the jackpot, without putting in the effort, goes against the rationale of life.
Don’t get me wrong. If you win, I’d be happy for you. It’d be awesome, clearly. But only as far as it doesn’t destroy you.

I already touched on this briefly and very mockingly in my last post, so I will save us the time of painting an obviously hyperbolic and sarcastic picture of how I feel people view success these days.

You know, I’ve spent a lot of my last 14 years, ever since I’ve had the internet, either working on my online-characters in MMOs, or consuming the virtual success of many others.
And more often than not, their success becomes a topic within the community, dividing into the meme-sphere or a very serious issue many of the online communities face — namely, the lack of success of the people within the communities.
There has to be made an argument that many seem to dream of a life on the stage of an online platform these days, not putting in a lot of effort, just sitting in front of their cam, rambling, gaining prestige, a voice, fans, and a lot of money.

Yeah, sorry, I said I wouldn’t do it, but mockery is just what I do.

It’s ultimately something you cannot acquire by visiting a school, as opposed to when people used to look up to their doctor, and thus had a clearly defined path.
With the dream of becoming a social media icon, there really is just “start and learn by practice”, which can be quite cruel, considering the internet’s current climate and the unforgettable nature of it. Well, the reality isn’t as bad, as most of the created content disappears in the void of the servers it was uploaded to, never to be seen by anyone, aside of the creators themselves.
But that, and the commentary of the supposed successful people on social media, certainly made for an interesting topic in my mind. Someone, who through many obstacles, received his general qualification for university entrance (Abitur) aged 23, after he’s been through his first job training, which was finished at age 20.
Went to university, realized it wasn’t for him, had to reshape everything he thought he knew about himself, and went on to receive a bachelor grade in commerce.
Only to find himself again and once more to dream about working in the creative writing sector.
So, yeah. Clearly, my vision of success has always been to reach people and read what I write. Having never really achieved that, mostly because I have yet to publish the book, I’m taking my time to work on, but also the fact that it just really feels weird and useless to stream oneself into a void, I went on a journey to understand what my actual goals are.
Interestingly, on that road I also learned why I’ve been addicted to MMOs, and why they can be quite dangerous to someone like me, but more about that in another post.

Doing all the things mentioned above, going to school, while always working on the side, I also thought a lot about creating content, as this could help me with creative experience, but also just seemed genuinely fun.
I’ve recorded countless videos with most never seeing the “publish” button, while others were published but just never picked up. I’ve tried writing a blog, but always just lost the motivation. Again, why keep publishing if no one ended up reading it anyway?
But you know what? I kept writing. Whether it’s scripts, working on my universe for my book, philosophy, rants, or whatever I felt like writing about.
Often times even with an audience in mind.
All while still earning my money with jobs outside the field of art.
And now, I have a massive archive of hundreds of documents, ideas, and concepts.
A lot of them make me cringe, if I read them now, some of them I enjoy going back to, because I can immerse myself in my own past, others are just genuinely good concepts that help me shape my view of the world every day.

In a sense, I would call that a success. The path to getting where I am today, one that equipped me with the tools for the future steps I take.
At this point, you may already realize one component of my view of success:
Yes, you can indeed work towards it.
That is why I brought up social media people prior, though. Because, if there is one thing I’m sick of hearing from these people, it’s their advice on the basis that “they made it.”
It’s not as bad as the crypto-millionaire, who essentially won the lottery, and now thinks they know a thing or two about finances, but still quite bad.

No, numbers don’t speak for themselves. It’s us who give them a definition.
This is very easily demonstrated by the fact that I make easily over a million per year.
In Japan.
We assert a certain value to numbers and stats, and then go out and brag about them.
Or not, depending on, you know, your assertion of the numbers.
In short, false role models certainly don’t help with our paths to success. And it’s quite ironic, considering how I view success — because that is as simple as, the next failure is my success.
In an almost painful irony, it’s the people who fail over and over again, who we should look up to. Because whatever it may be, they have figured out that failing does not mean they are themselves a failure.
It is too easy to look at the high stats of people out there, compare them with yourself, someone who goes to work every day, and still not see yourself pulling the same stats.
Okay, I admit, someone who burns their hand on the oven, not twice, but thrice, probably isn’t the ideal role model. But those who get better and improve themselves with each failed step forward, and continue walking, no matter what stats they pull, they are the ones who realistically represent your opportunity to do the same.

The fact of the matter is that times change. What has worked for the former teenager living in his parents’ basement and randomly decided to upload silly videos to YouTube and has now a following of well over a million, had different obstacles and circumstances than we have right now.
What works right now? Clearly, I don’t know. Otherwise, I’d be doing it.
Quite frankly, there probably isn’t one generalized advice that would work for every single field out there. And a lot of it has to do with the variety of circumstances that are out of our control, which just furthers the need to reshape the word “success”. After all, how can you force things that aren’t in your power to do so.
And if you really can’t, can we really say you truly failed in your attempt? Or just failed to find the right time?
There’s always something that bothered me, however. “Talent”. A word used as an excuse for the lack of effort to improve oneself. The uncomfortable truth that you can’t play the piano isn’t that others just have a talent for it, and you don’t, it’s that you deny the acknowledgement of those who can and have years, potentially decades of training in it.

And that closes the circle. Maybe, one day, I’ll be out there. Whether it’s my substack, my YouTube, my book(s), or all three of them, that make my stats go up — ultimately, what brought me there, was years of following something I love doing. Outside what others think about my work. I just have something in mind that I enjoy, haven’t seen anyone else doing it, at least not the way I would it, and just put it into my own hands.

I’m not going to tell you just waking up every day is a success. It’s clearly not.
Also, something I said in my last post, the fact that you survived until this very moment is no thanks to you, but automated systems which make it almost impossible to truly suffer hunger and feel forced to go out in the world and hunt it yourself.
Just as much as winning an Oscar shouldn’t be seen as success, but as one of the ongoing acknowledgements of your life. It’s not like Leo stopped taking acting jobs, after finally winning his, right?

To conclude, the old German saying of “Der Weg ist das Ziel” (“The Route becomes the Destination”; alternative: “The way is the goal”) stands as true as ever.
Yes, you have to walk the way. That is a premise to success. But no, you don’t make the end your goal, it’s just what you aim for. It’s what gives your way the directions.
So many factors decide whether you’re successful or fail, a lot of them are out of your hand.
Though, you might find yourself being able to manipulate some of them. Negating risks however, isn’t a thing here — unless you don’t take them in the first place.
But no matter what, arising stronger from a failure, is a success.

Unfortunately, most of the time, shouted from two different camps, which can only see things in the binary.
The either-or game people probably have always participated in, but also probably to an amplified degree ever since we are able to live in the illusion of “being correct” in massive online echo chambers.

That two separate states of the same kind can be true, with the key being relativity, is often times missed. Even though we know that something as fundamental to the universe as a photon can be observed as both, a particle, and a wave, we tend to think our perspective is the only one — thus our opinion absolute.
And therein lies the problem. The problem of having both answers, but not making anything of value out of it.

Instead, we are left with those who ineffectively keep going, only to eventually find blame in any- and everyone but themselves.
Those who drown in the tears of their own self-pity, thinking there is no return from defeat, so they won’t even dare walking forward any more.
And those who found their way of life, being able to cope with stress, uninvited & invited alike.

Another, preferred word for stress, is friction.
It is quite simple, really. Imagine a tower, one so high, you can overlook the entire city.
You’d be almost quite literally on top of the world. You’d love to be up there.
What’s stopping you from this wonderful experience?
Well, gravity. In other words, friction.
In the world of the old, you’d have to climb up, and you may not believe me — but I actually mean climbing. On the way, you’d experience quite the hardship.
But, eventually, you’d grow physically stronger. The experience of having climbed the first 10%, comparing it to the next 10%, just feels wonderful. Progress — not just in the height, but in your bodily experience.
And more than that! Now that strength isn’t the issue any more, you start optimizing. Understand the teachings of climbing, the architecture of the tower, to a point where every new step makes the old one feel ridiculous in comparison.
“Huh” you think out loud, “my physical training and understanding of my surroundings could help me once I’m climbing down again”.
You discover new paths and new potentials of yourself. The main goal has become but an excuse to improve yourself.
Eventually, you come to understand the exponential growth, by doing the maths. You needed 12 days to climb the first 15%, seven days for the next 20%, and another seven days for the last 65%-
Had you given up after the first 15%, you’d go back down thinking “it would’ve taken me 80 days to get to the top”, instead of the actual 26. But you did it. The experience of the friction and the progress, almost outshines the five minutes of getting to see the world from beyond the sky.
Better yet, you’re now equipped with tools for more things to come.

Do you know why I love this analogy so much?
Because translated in today’s world, you’d just take the elevator. Skip all those hardships and lessons, and potentially get disappointed by the view — first, because it’s just that, but second, because anyone can do it.

And this is just a fantastic bridge for why, I think, reshaping the view we take of involuntary hardships.

We’ve adapted to a world that was harsh. Had to sleep on the hard floor, had to accept that diseases just kill people, that the rattling bush might very well be a giant beast who is going to tear you apart. Neither food nor the quality of said food was a given.
Until it simply was. Because at some point, or rather multiple points in human history, smart individuals as well as smart herds and yes, even ruling hands of average intelligence using the masses to do their bidding, have stopped adapting to their surroundings, and made their surroundings adapt to their needs.
Lost was the need to hunt, search for food, or bargain for your life with nature.
Gone the idea that cold weather or worse might disturb your sleep.

That and some other factors, such as language, is what essentially differentiates us from most, if not all other animals.
Recording our own history, literally shaping nature, industrializing not just essentials, but also non-essential products, our worst nightmare became not being able to afford the car, the smartphone, or gain the reach on social media we want.
We categorically need none of these things to truly survive. Because none of these things allow evolution to beg the question of our survival.
The fact that you lived until now doesn’t necessarily make you smarter than a cow.

There might lie great potential in the fact that we improved by that much. But it’s also the recipe for those aforementioned ineffective “blame the system” and “in self-pity drowning” people.

Inviting friction into one’s life is certainly a topic. One that I will write about in another post.
But it is necessary to understand the concept of uninvited friction, or what I am going to call “Involuntary Investment” henceforth.

Investments, in the very first stages, are always a loss.
Financial if you invest in stocks.
Time if you study.
More time if you work on a large project.
Hell, even muscle mass when you start working out.

All of these things are voluntary investments.
No one really explains the essence of these things to you, it’s just that all of them are positively connotated.
If you can claim just one of these five, you’re seen as a hard-working individual, who invests something to gain a better return.
And should you fail, yikes, but life goes on and the skills you have acquired on the way were worth it.

You see, I think we often times have the right answers. But only to the extant that we heavily rely on cultural knowledge and instinct to use the right quote or idea at the right time.
But do we then assert those rules as part of our lifestyles?
No, in the sea of wisdoms, ideas and philosophies, well, to be quite frank, it’s no different from the vast sea of dieting programs out there.
And yeah, just like dieting programs, most of the time people execute them for a while, and once they reached their goals, they go back to their old ways — as if they had to lose weight because someone secretly put too many calories in their foods.
And not, you know, understanding that it was their old lifestyle that caused them to be where they were. One they escaped. And then returned to. That is the crux.

Involuntary Investments.
Because sometimes, not being able to cherish yourself in the glory of social prestige, isn’t the worst nightmare.
As is known, the spectrum of such is vast. It may begin with growing up poor and going all the way to having had a traumatizing childhood.
For decades, potentially longer, society decried the need to prevent and stop such things from happening.
But also on a societal level, we do not talk about coping mechanisms for those who it still happens to.

Except for the binary thinking loud online voices, which I wouldn’t want to be leading in any circumstance whatsoever.

And herein lies the very essence of the issue and the reason for my usage of the term investments.
The investment isn’t bad thing A happening to you — but what you make out of it.
As stated above, we are equipped with the tools and instruments to do so, and furthermore gain something out of every misery we encounter.
After all, if we didn’t, this very post you’re reading wouldn’t exist. Nor the tools to write it.

In conclusion, neither denying the hardships themselves nor avoiding the confrontation of such, will help anyone.
No, the answer is to accept the involuntary friction and turn it into an involuntary investment.
That person is suffering regardless. That is just the tough reality of it. And there is never a real closure to pursue, only acceptance.

1. Grade — Forced Acceptance.
You can’t do anything about it, you are forced to accept what happened.
There is no active role you take in this one. The fact that it happened is irreversible.
No matter how hard you try to deny reality.

2. Grade — Acceptance of what happened.
Truly accepting what happened, gaining a clear picture of it, and moving forward.
The reality of things has entered your perception. In other words: “It is what it is”.

3. Grade — Acceptance of oneself.
Acceptance of one’s own imperfection, understanding that you are not perfect. And yes, you are flawed. You can’t be perfectly clear and awake, or ready in every single situation which occurs.
But, you can certainly work on yourself, and give it your best to make sure that something like that never happens to you again.
“I’m not to be blamed, but I can learn from it regardless.”

If we want to improve as people, as a community, or society, I’d argue that we have to equip people with that state of mind.
Yes — supporting each other is great, I’m sure.
But everything relies upon the person themselves to step up. One might still continue progressing a path by being carried, but if it happens for too long, one loses the ability to work on their own.
Every single true step forward, always, categorically begins with the individual themselves.
If we were to look at every bad thing that happened to someone, as both — still a bad thing that we ought to try to prevent, but also as a way to learn, understand and improve upon, I’d argue we were better off, with a people who overall stop mindlessly blaming systems and other things, and instead focus more on improving their own quality of life — and by that extension, of those who are around them.

The Study of Oneself
Making a case for what I would consider the most important field of life.

Let me ask you something.
Have you ever heard a wise saying? Used an idiomatic expression yourself? And just kind of felt like, yeah — the situation fits, it kind of makes sense, only to find out the actual essence much later of what has been said?
Wondering, why didn’t they, or I, say it in that way right, more understandable way?

Well, for what it is worth, I can tell you, that has happened to me countless times.


I also want to ask you how many times have you been told that you ought to read a lot, find a mentor, since they already went through the mistakes you can thus skip, and get to your goals, either faster or even at all?
And when you faced the resistance of following another one’s step, feeling like you’re losing a part of yourself, becoming someone others have told you to become, did you ever wonder whether there truly is only one path? Or whether this is truly the right path to success? What defines success anyway?

Again, for what it is worth, I certainly can tell you, that this has happened to me.



Traversing life, as someone who considers himself to be an introverted character, one who, aside of one internet buddy, gets 99% of his (real life) socializing at work with colleagues and customers (retail), I had to go on a long journey to discover whether I truly was introverted or just made to be one (social) anxious person by the circumstances I was born in.
During this exploration I discovered many things, with a specific thing which I have found roughly a year ago, one that was just as shattering as when I first discovered that we might not be off-spring of a certain Adam and another certain Eve.
World changing, if you will.
It might be, and just hear me out for a second, that we haven’t figured it out yet.
How we ought to work as individuals, you know. Within the grasp of our cultures, there may be many small white lies, as in, if you are scared of all spiders, and told to avoid them at all costs, you may very well avoid pain, as there are certainly spiders who are capable of causing it.
But, what you will miss, is how fascinating these little creatures are — and the very fact, that most of them, at least where I am from, will not be able to harm you.
In fact, once you realize the gravity of implications a spider would be in, once we, humans, make them our sworn enemies, you quickly start to laugh at the little one in the corner of your room.
It is these kinds of truths that seem to be overshadowed by the many white lies in our cultures. While they grant access to opportunity, sometimes at least, and do support growth in certain ways, they do not tell you the whole story.
Or the absolute truth for that matter.

Okay, yes. You are correct in raising your eyebrows and wanting to dismiss me right away. “Absolute truth”? For that, I shall be named crazy.

With that new name however, I want to tell you that this isn’t about absolute truth.
I for one, have never cared to attempt the impossible. I’m more of a “let’s at least try to get the best result possible” kind of person.
When it comes to finding the truth, I always try to choose what seems to be the closest to truth. Meaning, if I had to choose “1+1=4” or “1+1=3”, I’d go for the latter.
I would prefer to go for “2” as an answer, but I didn’t give myself that option.
Not that it’s important. But I would like to point out that I know “2” is the answer.
You know, just in case.

Anyway -
You may already be able to imagine what I mainly focused on to get insight to myself. Exactly, myself.
Why would I react anxious in social circumstances, without any rational reason for it?
Oh, there is a rational reason for it, it’s just underlying is a pathology that might act out irrationally. At some point in my life, I, or my brain, learned that “attention = negative”. All kinds of attention for that matter. And it’s only natural my brain would assert this simple, yet effective formula, as I grew up being morbidly obese, in combination with being quite poor — translated this means I wore the same clothes to school almost every day, not being able to exchange what’s broken for what’s either fixed or new, let alone having anything trendy to be accepted in what’s predominantly a social hierarchy based on what external forces are able to afford you, also known as puberty & social groups of prepubescents.
The issue however, I didn’t realize that until around 2015, where I would be 21 already. Carrying the same anxieties my 13-year-old-self developed.
Yup, that literally meant the same anxiety which I experienced during puberty kicked in, at 21, when I was sitting in the bus and a group of literal children entered. What’s been progressing for 8 years, has not been discovered for the exact same of years.
I wasn’t myself; I want to say I knew that at the time, but I can’t deny the doubt & self-insults, or rather the constant self-reflecting of a negative image of myself. “The unlovable, unloving” is what, or who I dubbed myself to be.

With that in mind, and without trying to bore you with my personal story, I will, over the period of the next few weeks, months, perhaps even years, share what I discovered, which seems to be both, the most unspoken, yet potentially the most significant study of life, but perhaps also a controversial take, through my articles on medium, as well as videos on YouTube, both published under the same name: Gigi Cee.
While I’m currently saving money to buy a camera to get my YouTube going, I figured I might as well already lay the first foundations on here, medium.com.


So, what does the Study of Oneself mean? Or rather, aren’t we constantly being told to look what our siblings are doing? They are successful, as it would seem. Married, got their own appartement or house, and heck, they even look better than we do. What about our neighbours? Or the people on social media?
Look, a Kardashian named Kylie is traveling the world again, taking various pictures of what seems to be a happy life. Well, and her beauty.
“You gotta figure out what they are doing, adapt their traits as your own, and one day, you will make it as well. It is important to start, you gotta at least start the journey.”
The study of someone else paired with a small white lie, overshadowed by the fact that the wrong premise has been set.

Admittedly, but also fortunately, I don’t know a lot about any Kardashian, nor do I understand the “why” to their success, so I’m not going to make any shady or sarcastic comments about them being successful in financial terms, as one would be tempted to do.
But I do want to add, that whatever a Kardashian does to stay relevant, seems to be done without ever losing their own brand, which, that much I know, is the brand of sharing themselves, or rather what they are willing to share with the world. In other words, to an extent, they seem to be themselves. If there is anything to be learned here, is, as cheesy as it sounds, that you have got to find out who you are first.
No, not everyone can be in the fortunate position to be born in a family, which took advantage of being in the public-eye and finding themselves within this frame, thus benefiting on an almost exponential scale from their self-discovery.
This is just a fact of life. Not just human life. Any conscious life which is able to observe others & themselves develop through time. Even if it may sound very stoic, but you ought not to find your own happiness in the circumstances you were born in. They may help you to achieve it quicker, or rather amplify it (sometimes to an absurd level). But the circumstances themselves are not the medium in which you are capable of finding what makes you happy. Of whom you are.
Let’s take this very concept and visualize in an imagery everyone will understand.

You were born. Congratulations.
Born with rights, and later also responsibilities, many attributes are given to you. One of which, is the affiliation to a nation. On paper, you are citizen of Country X. Country X may or may not offer you opportunities, especially relative to other countries of the alphabet, invokes cultural manners and behaviours on you, as well as allowing you to grasp reality in an empiric scheme. But you are not truly a Xian [Eksian]. It is, and excuse me for a term that unfortunately has been used extensively, and thus ad nauseum, ergo going to annoy you, a social construct.
When you refer to yourself as a Xian, what you are being is, well, either lazy or effective. Depending on your point of view.
You use it to describe what others can expect of in a very quick manner. You mainly speak language X, follow the wisdoms of X’s culture, as well many other traits. What you’re not telling the other person, is to what extent you subscribe to all the ideas implied with the Country X.
I certainly do not have to describe you, especially in times of cultural wars, that you cannot simply generalize each and every citizen of the country you live in. We have a term for that, which is usually negatively connotated; stereotypes.
There is something more about you. Unfortunately, and that is the whole purpose of me starting what I’m starting right now, I find that most people still tend to try to be someone else, rather than themselves. So, take my example with a grain of salt. However, it shouldn’t take away from you going “that makes sense”, right?
Yes, you were born in Country X. Yes, you were ascribed the trait of being a Xian. It is a factual circumstance which surrounds you. X may offer you (better) education, (better) jobs, and just general a healthier way of life (or not), but those are merely tools given to you.

On a very significant side note, while it is true that I do see those things as tools, I also want to emphasize on the fact that some countries, and some people, were born in extreme circumstances. To a point, where those “tools” become so detrimental to one’s path to a happier life, that it would be absurd to simply describe them as “mere tools”.
I understand and acknowledge that.
However, first things first, I feel like, if you had the access, time, and capabilities to read this, even if you perhaps went through these kinds of hardships at some point in your life, I feel like my statement still stands. It is part of what I am describing that the circumstances you were born in, or for that matter, are going through, ought not to be the medium of your happiness, or the discovery of it.
But also, these kinds of extreme circumstances belong to another category of solutions, as they are not part of a way of life.


Anyway -
Figuring out which tools you were given and which tools you can grant yourself access to are important.
But just like a chef may have a recipe to work with, they ultimately decide which ingredients to use, and in which quantity, as they have a vision for the dish they want to serve. Meaning, not all tools may be of use for you. And to be able to differentiate the significance of those, you better have a vision of who you are.

As simple as that:
Say you were born in a family of actors, with the ability to use the tool of the network of your family, and the desire to become an actor yourself, that would be highly beneficial. Almost the career starter any actor would love to have.
A carpenter, maybe not so much. However, another tool that could be used is an investment in your education, considering your family is a successful family of actors. A singer may still benefit of the network, but in a different way.
As you can see, in order to know how to use these tools, or if they are even significant to you, you have to find out more about yourself, just to be able to benefit from the tools given to you with birth.

For the lack of tools, well, this is where it becomes slightly more tricky. But, not an impossible task, and not the deciding factor for your path to happiness.
This is where it also becomes very interesting, because so far, it sounded as if you ought not to change who you are. But this very topic is much more nuanced and complicated than it sounds at first. Most things in society are seen as binary, it’s either or, 1 or 0, yes or no, Red or Blue. When reality teaches us that even a thing like Light can be observed as both, a particle or a wave. It’s not either or, nor is it neither. It’s both. Depending on the relative state of the observer. If we were to assert the laws of nature as part of the universe, and apply them to us — who are essentially part of the universe, made out of the same matter that obeys these laws, why wouldn’t our truth be found in that fact as well?
Not a rhetorical question, it is one that has been stuck with me ever since I first thought about it.
While I understand the convenience of making issues binary on a large, collective scale, I see hardly to no reason to apply that convenience to the individual.

Another thing, one that has bothered me ever since I first encountered a person saying “you must only die, anything else is an option”, while simultaneously having teachers telling me “you must do your homework”, is one that put me in the philosophical dilemma of what I truly must do.
The solution to it was fairly easy, however. It would seem like it’s true, so far, death is unavoidable. There is another “must” directly connected to it, you also “must live, until you die”. Sure, you may make this process faster, but even then, you are living while doing so, until you’re not anymore, which in other words means you die, the other absolute “must” of our lives.
Living until you die, and dying, are the absolute musts. How you choose to live until you die, that seems to be up to you (I say “seem”, because I’m in the camp of determinism, but let’s not start that topic, for now).
However, if we can assert “absolute musts” why not also assert “relative musts”.
If you’re hungry, and you want to stop feeling hungry, well, you must eat then.
If you want a good grade in school, well, you must do your homework then (unfortunately, I never really cared that much for good grades in school).

I think at this point the picture I’m trying to paint becomes clearer. If you find a true desire in you, one determined to be true by introspection, and something I dubbed “Schrödinger’s You”, the topic of the first video I will post on YouTube — and possibly also publish an article on medium.com accompanying it, you may find something you “must do” in order to achieve this desire.
Yes, if you dislike studying, but truly want to become an engineer, there is nothing you can do, but study. And study. Study some more, until you finished, to, you have guessed it, study. This is where I believe, we are able to change ourselves, not to stop being ourselves, but to become truer to the image, or the vision we have of ourselves.
It is, however, especially in our cultural & societal environment, very hard to distinguish what others want you to become, and what you feel like you should become. I’m just writing this out, to know that I acknowledge that — this, once more, is where “Schrödinger’s You” comes into play.
Have you been able to differentiate between these two options however, it will become a constant reminder of why you are doing something that you typically dislike. You will start realizing something I have been keeping in my mind ever since I thought about talent — work on a skill, until you can call it a talent. And once you are at that point, it won’t take long where it’s not just you calling it one, but others as well.
It will be a point, where the first friction you felt by starting something, becomes so low, that you automatically start challenging yourself, turning the friction up voluntarily, and become even better at what you do — at which point, you soon realize, that the thing which you disliked, becomes your way of life.
In a way, you have not changed yourself — you have unlocked a parameter of yourself. From the outside, but perhaps even internally, it may very well occur as a change of person though.


All of these things mentioned above are good and all, they are mostly the execution process, not of finding yourself, but the consequences of your findings. But, if the field of studying oneself is the key to all of this; how do we do that very thing then?
Good question! Whoever asked that, I appreciate you! *imagine a cough sound here :)*

Well, I’m sorry for that shameless plug, but I’ll guess you will have to stay tuned & perhaps even subscribe to my YouTube channel.


You know, I mentioned a white lie earlier.


“You gotta figure out what they are doing, adapt their traits as your own, and one day, you will make it as well. It is important to start, you gotta at least start the journey.”
The study of someone else paired with a small white lie, overshadowed by the fact that the wrong premise has been set.


Remember? It is white, because one thing in that sentence is very true, and closely affiliated to my concept of Schrödinger’s You.

You have got to start.
And that’s what I just did. All of this is just the start of a journey I have been on for a long time, one that I’ve been wishing to share for years — and now, finally, began.

Afterall, how can I find out who I am, if I’m not gathering evidence of myself by interacting with the real world out there?
 — Yes, well, sure. Or the internet.

Until then
- Gigi Cee

PS: Did you look for a spider after I pointed out that little one in the corner of your room?
Did you just look again?