I Finally Had 70 Clients. Then I Walked Away. 🚶‍♀️

Two months ago, I hit what I thought was the dream:
70 clients on my roster.
Fully booked.
So full, in fact, that new clients had to wait weeks just to get a session with me.
I had “made it.”

But here’s the truth no one tells you:
“Success” can burn you out just as much as failure.

I loved all of my clients. I had worked incredibly hard to get here.
Plus, I found my work extremely meaningful.
But how could I possibly get to know all 70 of them deeply?
How could I do the kind of transformational, deep work I believe in — when my energy was spread across dozens of people?

I felt proud… but I also felt stretched thin, disconnected, and exhausted.
I burned out — in work I deeply cared about. 🕯️

The worried that I wouldn’t be able to serve any of my clients properly.
The “success” wasn’t serving me properly either.

So I did something that felt almost unthinkable:
📩 I let them go.

I told my clients I couldn’t keep them all on my roster.
It was hard. It was sad. Yet it was a good decision for me and for my work.

Because in the letting go, something opened up.
I created space to choose the niche that lights me up.
I made room to go deeper with fewer clients.
I started learning and growing in ways I couldn’t before.
I saw myself as someone who can, in fact, let go of “success.”

And I finally followed the advice I give others all the time:
→ Choose what brings you the most JOY,
→ because that’s where you can CONTRIBUTE the most, and
→ it creates ROOM to receive other amazing things in store for you.

Letting go can be scary, but it creates space for something new; something unique. A chance to broaden your horizon.

Success isn’t about having it all.
It’s about choosing what helps you EXPAND.

#BurnoutRecovery #RedefiningSuccess #WorkLifeBalance #CareerGrowth #ProfessionalDevelopment #CoachingJourney #PersonalGrowth #JoyfulWork #PurposeDriven #ChooseWhatMatters #SelfExpansion #Growth

One question I hear often from clients is: 🤔 “How do I know what’s next for me in my career?”

If you’ve ever found yourself spiralling trying to figure it out, you’re not alone. The truth is, none of us can predict the future. Think back to a time when you had a 5 or 10 year plan. How much of it actually unfolded exactly the way you imagined?

There’s a saying: 😜“We make plans, and the universe laughs.”😅

I love that reminder because it takes the pressure off needing to have everything mapped out. Life rarely goes in a straight line.

So instead of stressing over the long-term picture, like your decision is for the rest of your life — try focusing on the next 2–3 years.

Here’s why:
👉 After about 2–3 years in a role, most people reach a natural point of transition. They’ve learned what they came to learn, contributed what they wanted to contribute, and start feeling the itch for something new.

So the more useful questions are:
👉 How do I want to contribute over the next 2–3 years?
👉 What do I want to learn / take away from the new role?

This way of thinking makes the future less overwhelming and far more actionable.

You don’t need to know the entire map — just the next turn.
Because careers aren’t built in perfect 10-year blueprints. They’re built in chapters. And your next chapter starts with the next 2–3 years.

With love,
Seeun

When you feel stuck, your instinct might be to push harder. Work longer. Do more. Think harder.
But here’s the truth: sometimes pushing only makes things worse.

Think of a clogged toilet (stay with me here 😉).
If you keep pressing the flush, the water rises. The mess grows. It doesn’t flow.

What solves it? — A plunger. Creating space.
Releasing pressure so things can move again.

Burnout works the same way. The more we push, the more “stuck” we feel. The solution isn’t always more effort — it’s more SPACE.

Lately for me, it meant taking a 2.5 day break. Letting go of more than dozens of my clients. Watching a TV show instead of being (or feeling) productive.

At first, it felt indulgent.
But what I got in return was clarity.
I was able to redirect my work and life.
Space helped me reset, and only then could things flow again.

👉 So here’s the question for you:
Where in your life are you pressing the flush too many times?
What would it mean for you to reach for a plunger instead?

🏃‍♀️ In the past 13 weeks, I’ve been training for my first marathon (42.2km). Although I’m active and love everything about health and fitness, I used to avoid running. I had never seen myself as a runner.

Marathon training has been both super awesome, and also many times, uber gruelling. It was much harder at a mental level than physical, against all my expectations. 🧠

At its peak last weekend, my training plan had me run a 3️⃣ 2️⃣ km, which is still 10km shy of the actual marathon distance.

While at it, many thoughts came to mind.

🤔 Will I ever be able to finish this training, let alone the marathon itself?
😱 If I need a break running a 32km, how the heck will I finish the marathon?
😩 My knee is hurting. Crap. I will never be able to make it.
🤬 F*ck this. Why did I sign up to suffer?

Also other thoughts came up:

🎉 Wow, look how far I’ve come!
🦵 My legs are getting stronger, and the pain went away!
🙏 Thank you for carrying me through this, you are amazing! (Talking to my body)
🏅 I am so proud of you for being so brave to even sign up for something you thought you’d never do! (Talking to self)
🌞 Look at this weather, what a beautiful life!
💪 I can do this! I can do this! I can, oh yes I can!

These thoughts, all of them and more, circled through my mind a thousand times.

The good, the bad, and the ugly constantly came and went. Even the pain in my knee that I thought would make the run impossible, came but also went away, multiple times.

I cried and laughed inside hundred times over during the 3+ hours of training. 😭😂

Then it dawned on me:

> It was never about the marathon day itself. (1 day) 🏅
> It was always about the journey. The WHOLE experience. (16 weeks) 🗓

> It was about the improvements, physical and mental adaptations, accumulated knowledge on endurance sports, learning something new, and connections I’ve been making along the way. 🤝

> It was about the ups-and-downs 📈📉. Just like in life. Everything passes: The good passes. The pain passes. And surely they will come right back at you, just to pass you by again. 🔄

No matter how slow you think your progress is,
You are definitely NOT the same person as when you started.
You have definitely TRANSFORMED and EVOLVED as a result of the act of going towards your goal.

Going towards a goal? Ask yourself:

⁉️ Are you feeling FRUSTRATED at your (slow) progress? 👣 Look at how FAR you’ve come so far from where you used to be.

⁉️ Are you in PAIN or agony, or stuck in the negative loop? ⏳ Know that it will PASS, too.

⁉️ Are you SPRINTING towards your goal? 🪴 Great! But also, can you STOP and appreciate your process (and life) as it is at this moment?

I still have 3 weeks to go till the marathon, but I, and we all, deserve to celebrate today. So CONGRATULATIONS 🎉 on all the growth, learning, steps you’ve taken, till now.

#MarathonTraining #GoalSetting #PersonalGrowth #Mindset #Endurance #SelfImprovement #MentalToughness #Resilience #Coach

Has it ever happened to you that you can’t make a decision because you’re afraid of making the wrong one? You are not alone in this; many of my clients have expressed similar concerns, and I’m here to help you navigate them.

I used to be in this exact place — from “Should I quit my job?” to “When should I quit my job? Is March too early?” to “Should I shoot for a vertical or lateral move?” to “Where should I live?”

More often than not, we don’t end up taking any action because we’re too afraid of making the “wrong” move or a mistake, so we get stuck in this limbo of “What should I do?”

This is what we call “decision paralysis” — being so afraid of making the “wrong” decision that we end up making no decision at all.

My clients tell me, “I want to pick a goal and move toward it. I don’t want to be sprinting in the wrong direction only to find out I need to come all the way back to the starting line.”

To that, I reassure my clients that they will never be starting at the same starting line. And I would tell you the same. Why? Because thanks to that “wrong” direction, you will not be the same person. You will be more equipped with lessons, experiences, connections, and confidence you gained along the way. You will literally not be the same person. That is the fruit of having been brave, trying something uncomfortable, being in the unknown, and embracing the possibility of mistakes.

One of my favourite exercises that I do with my clients is asking them to ask themselves, “Even if I totally failed, what will I walk away with?” After answering this:

1. They realize the worst probably isn’t going to happen.
2. They recognize their own resourcefulness to come up with solutions to these worst-cast scenarios.
3. They walk away with much more confidence and reassurance that they got this.

When you spell out the issue, put it into words and take time to look at it, it suddenly becomes smaller and more manageable than how it seemed in the head — inflated and overwhelming.

So my advice is to pick a direction. Any direction, if you can already see some benefits — especially if you’re between your top two choices (or your only two options). Sit with your options. Give it some space. Then pick one, run with it, and do your best. Don’t dwell on it so much that you end up going nowhere. At the end of the day, not making a decision or delaying one is a decision in and of itself.

I’m not saying it will be all smooth sailing from there. There will be U-turns. There will be sharp turns. There will be missed exits. But there will also be points where you realize you are just where you are meant to be for your own unique journey — and all the dots will connect in retrospect. That is how you trust the process.

So don’t be afraid to choose the “wrong” path. You will never know how you would have felt or what you would have learned if you chose the other path. But by choosing a path and getting a move on — even if you realize you need to change course — you will have learned something about yourself, life, others, and the issue at hand. Plus, you will gain more clarity on what to do next. Sitting at home and ruminating won’t get you there.

When in doubt, think about the value you’ll create. How will this choice make someone else’s life a little bit better without harming another entity along the way?

Also, before moving on to the next step, give yourself space to breathe. Instead of filling your mind with rumination or filling your time with constant action, take time each day to sit with the discomfort of not knowing. Sometimes, the space itself can do wonders — letting answers come to you naturally. Meditation or Yoga Nidra can be powerful for this.

• There are plenty of resources on podcast apps that can guide you to focus on the here and now.
• Or check out the Yoga Philosophy course if you want to learn it in depth so that you can practice it on your own moving forward.
• Or reach out to me for private sessions to learn how to mediate.

Let the magic unfold!

Pause, decide, get a move on, and set a date to reassess if you need to make a turn, exit, or keep going.

You got this!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

If you want to know read more about decision making:

• On decision making — Is it really the “right” decision for me?
• On decision making: Is grass really greener on the other side? How to make the “right” decisions that serve YOU.

More on getting unstuck:

• The Plunger Theory

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

With love,
S

When I travel with my partner and our doggie for an extended period, there’s always some point in the trip where we absolutely love our accommodation, and that really enhances our experience of that place. However, there are other times during the same trip when one accommodation absolutely taints our experience.

I like to be comfortable. I prefer sparkling clean places with comfy beds and great showers. Location matters a lot, too. I want to be somewhere that is accessible to food and other activities we enjoy without having to get in a car. If the place has a phenomenal view, that would be a huge bonus.

I try to be mindful of these criteria when booking our accommodations. Usually, at the beginning of the trip, I book nice places, but as the trip progresses, I start to forget what makes me feel comfortable and my experiences pleasant. I begin to focus more on how much we’re spending. I cut corners and sacrifice one of the things on my list to pay a little less, only to find that we end up not liking the place. This often leads us to book another accommodation on the go without being able to get a refund. This has happened at least twice in the last 12 months.

At one point, my partner raised a very valid question: why do you make choices that you know you wouldn’t like?

That got me thinking. He is right. We are on vacation to enjoy ourselves, and yet, to save a little money, I have made decisions that overlook what I actually enjoy. When I do that, we often end up paying more — usually more than double the cost of the original accommodation — because we lose money on the first one and have to pay for a more expensive option.

This led me to wonder: do I live like this or make similar decisions in other areas of my life?

What are some things that I’m doing that I actually don’t like?
What are some things that I’m not doing that I’d like?

What would that experience of life look or feel like?

What if I made choices that were in line not only with my values but also with my likes and dislikes?

What would I do more or less of?

I would… stay in nice hotels (and book them from the start, not after seeing the non-refundable, lesser-quality option).
I would… dance more but come home earlier to get adequate sleep with my boys.
I would… go for nice long walks with my dog and/or my partner and not rush.
I would… get off social media and have real connections, as well as rest and downtime, and allow myself to feel boredom.
I would… do spring cleaning to give away a lot of the items that I no longer enjoy.
I would… ask my friends to go out for lunch.I would… go on a date with myself.
I would… get a massage more often without feeling guilty.
I would… take a day off from work and go to the library to read a physical copy of a book in silence.

As I ponder these questions, I invite you to consider your own choices.

• What decisions are you making that might not align with your true preferences?
• How might your life change if you embraced what you truly enjoy?

Love,
Seeun

Have you stopped yourself from speaking your mind in group settings?What was going through your mind?

My clients tell me that when that happens, one of the following concerns often fill their minds:

• People will think my opinion is stupid or useless.
• Nobody cares what I think.
• What if my opinion is wrong?
• What if my opinion changes? What happens to my credibility then?
• Am I even sure about what I’m about to say?
• What if I can’t respond to follow-up comments/questions/concerns?

Besides using energies, gestures, facial and bodily expressions, humans use speech to express ourselves. We can choose to exhibit the level of assertiveness, (perceived) confidence and power through our communication.
Often, we put so much importance on what we say (the language) that we forget the bigger part of communication: how we say it.

While working with clients in my coaching sessions, I’ve realized that feeling insecure, lacking confidence, and doubting one’s opinions are common experiences among professionals of all ages and backgrounds. This phenomenon likely stems from our innate fear and survival instincts. Our ancient brain still perceives rejection by our social group as a threat to our survival, as it once meant being unable to hunt or farm alone, leading to ostracization and ultimately death. However, in the modern world, the risk of such extreme consequences due to disapproval is minimal. Although concerns about hindering career advancement and therefore acquiring fewer resources (aka money, status and power) persist, it’s essential to recognize that disapproval of our opinions does not equate to disapproval of worth as individuals. It probably goes deeper down to issues of self-worth and self-esteem, topics we can delve into more in detail in another post.

Here is a general rule of thumb that I offer (of course, with an open hand) to my clients who express that they want to be more confident in their communication and not shy away when something needs to be articulated, even when they are appointed to speak on the spot in group settings:

• Be kind.
  As the saying goes, people will remember how you made them feel much longer than whether what you said was right or wrong. Whether you were right or wrong, or unsure, deliver it in a kind manner, and you will be regarded as someone with character, which is much more striking than any single opinion you are trying to express.
• Be truthful.
  Say as much as you know, and when you don’t know something, say so. People trust those who are honest about what they don’t know much more than those who pretend to have all the answers. It’s fine to say, “I don’t have an answer to that yet, but I can get back to you when I know more” or “I’m not sure if I’m able to give a concrete answer to that at the moment, but so far here is what we know: XYZ”
• It’s OK to be in the grey zone; you don’t have to have a black-and-white opinion.
  If you try to stand on either side, especially when you are called on the spot to give an opinion in front of a group, it can be very stressful. A lot of the time, we are not all in or all out, nor are we all here or there. It’s OK to admit that you are a little bit here and a bit more there at the moment, and that you might change your stance as you gather more information. You could sound more diplomatic by giving pros and cons, and your likes and dislikes of both sides.
• Focus on benefiting others.
  When we are so focused on ourselves and making ourselves look smart, this brings a lot of pressure: pressure to speak intelligently, pressure to give the “correct” answers, etc. This comes from fear — fear of being judged, passed over for a promotion, and losing opportunities. When you focus on others and the betterment of the group as a whole — treating them with kindness, being compassionate towards their stance, thinking about what would serve everyone as a group/society — then you are speaking out of LOVE, not fear. This energy will transmit through your communication: in words, body language, facial expressions, and other subtle elements.

Lastly, and probably just as importantly, remember that we are all winging it to a certain extent (even the loudest person in the room). We are all improvising the best way we can — in speech, in life, at work, and in our personal lives. Even in extremely important things like parenting, more often than not, we don’t have all the answers. And many times, there isn’t a correct answer. Only the correct manner to respond; we try our best with the information and intuition we have, in the kindest and truest way possible.

With love,
S

1. It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn
About Intergenerational Trauma that lives in your body.

A friend and a therapist (not MY therapist though) had recommended this book to me about intergenerational trauma and its influence on our lives. Wolynn explores the idea that unresolved inherited family trauma from previous generations can affect us in profound ways, influencing our behaviour, fears, and even health. He illustrates how identifying and resolving these inherited traumas can lead to personal transformation and breaking free from patterns that aren’t our own.

Moreover, Netflix’s show “Another Self,” based on this book, vividly portrays these generational struggles and the path to resolution. I watched the show first, then read the book after. I recommend you do the same, in order to get yourself prepared for the deep work you will do with the book.

2. What Happened To You by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry, MD. PhD
About understanding personal histories and experiences for healing and cultivating empathy.

By asking the question “What happened to you?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”, the book highlights the importance of empathy in healing and creating supportive environments.

Oprah Winfrey, along with Dr. Bruce Perry, beautifully explores the impact of trauma on individuals’ lives. Their collaborative work focuses on the power of understanding people’s experiences and emphasizes empathy in addressing trauma.

This book has been a revelation in cultivating self-compassion for me. Often, we become our own toughest critics, and I’ve caught myself in moments where I relentlessly question, “What’s wrong with you?” Yet, delving into our personal history — our childhood, infancy, and even the forgotten events — offers profound insights into why we behave as we do. Understanding our own past fosters empathy not just for ourselves but for those around us too. It prompts a shift from a mindset of anger, frustration, and judgment to one of love, understanding, patience, and compassion. When we consider the possible experiences that shaped someone’s actions, we enter a mental space where empathy reigns supreme.

3. The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté, MD. with Daniel Maté
About inner turmoil and its manifestation on health in modern society.

This book had been on my radar for a while. During the pandemic, I was introduced to Dr. Maté’s work by a friend, who’s a coach and entrepreneur. Ever since stumbling upon his talk on YouTube, I’ve been captivated by his insights.

Gabor Maté and his son, Daniel Maté, challenge the notion of ‘normalcy’ and explore the roots of trauma, often manifested as health crises in our bodies. They discuss how societal expectations and the pursuit of fitting into the ‘norm’ can intensify trauma, and lead to internal conflicts and mental (as well as physical) health challenges. They advocate for a more compassionate understanding of human experiences, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and self-awareness in navigating life’s complexities.

I also mention this book in my other post, “Why I Quit Ad Tech (And Why You Should Maybe Stay)”

Some paragraphs from the book that I’d like to share with you:

“Disease is an outcome of generations of suffering, of social conditions, of cultural conditioning, of childhood trauma, of physiology bearing the brunt of people’s stresses and emotional histories, All interacting with the physical and psychological environment.”

“Trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you.”

“Down to the very cellular level, Human beings are either in defensive mode, or in growth mode, but they cannot be in both at the same time” — Featuring Gordon Neufeldand in the book

BONUS!!!

In addition to exploring books on trauma, I came across valuable supplementary resources that have significantly contributed to enhancing mental and physical well-being. Here are two exceptional pieces of content that offer insightful perspectives on trauma, healing, self-awareness and consequently, mental, physical and emotional wellness:

• Podcast: “A Science-Supported Journaling Protocol to Improve Mental & Physical Health” introduced by Andrew Huberman

In this podcast episode on The Huberman Lab, Andrew Huberman delves into the science-backed benefits of a very special type of journaling. He outlines a structured journaling protocol designed to be done just four times, writing about the most difficult event of your life.

I stumbled upon this gem while driving back to Madrid from Southern Spain in December of 2023. It feels incredibly fitting to have discovered this episode before the year’s end, marking the perfect conclusion to my year of understanding and learning about trauma. As soon as I got home, I dedicated the next four days to engaging in this journaling protocol.

This experience not only helped unravel aspects of myself — my actions, behaviours, and emotions; who I am and how I am — that had remained unexplained, but in just four consecutive days, it unveiled and healed far more than three years of therapy ever did. It’s astonishing how it revealed connections that would have otherwise gone unnoticed in my life.

The beauty lies in its simplicity: a mere four days, 15 to 30 minutes each time, and it’s free. It’s an incredibly low investment, offering potentially high returns — even if doubts linger, it remains a low-risk, potentially transformative activity.

• Couple it with a YouTube Video: “How to Listen to Your Body” by The School of Life

This video reiterates the idea that emotional difficulties live on in our bodies. Verbally expressing these experiences, helps release tension from our bodies, preventing it from accumulating. AKA “letting it all out” with words, whether written (like the journaling protocol) or spoken (in case of therapy). For me, it offered a solid explanation of the mechanism behind the type of journaling introduced in the Huberman Lab (above) and effectively illustrated why this approach holds potential.

In closing:

Each of these books and resources significantly broadened my understanding of trauma and its far-reaching effects. They underscored the importance of empathy, self-reflection, and breaking free from generational cycles. Reading them not only enriched my knowledge but also deepened my compassion for those navigating their own trauma, including myself.

These resources aren’t just about understanding trauma; they’re about acknowledging its prevalence and learning how to support ourselves and others in the healing journey.

I hope these resources offer you as much insight and enrichment as they did for me.

• Which resource are you most intrigued by?
• Would you recommend any other books, podcasts or YouTube channels that contribute to dealing with trauma?

With love,
S

It is the time of the Libras; extraverted, harmonious, intelligent, elegant and friendly people, also known to be very indecisive. When I see the characteristics descriptions of a Libra, I feel like they are literally describing me! Well, I AM a Libra :)

I do have a difficult time making decisions sometimes. I tried many different strategies in the past. Sometimes they worked. Sometimes they were disastrous. Sometimes I don’t know for the longest time if I have made the “right” decision, which can have me suffer with uncertainty.

Wouldn’t we just love it if someone handed us the “right” answer?

Well, we have many tools that live on our screens these days. In the past we had the famous Magic-8-Ball. But none of these would be able to tell us what is “right” and “true” for us.

For me, one of the biggest factors that would inform me if the decision is right and true for me is if I had made the decision for my soul and not for my ego.

Ego is concerned with things of the flesh and earth. Ego is afraid. It is afraid to not be loved, to not be of importance, to not have enough to survive, to not have more, to not be enough. It endlessly operates on fear. On the flip side, your soul knows what’s real beyond the physical world. Your soul operates with love and guides us to the truth.

With your options in the midst of decision making, ask yourself the following questions:

• What would my soul thrive on?
• Does this decision bring growth to my soul?
• Does this option enrich my soul?
• Do I feel at peace with this decision?

Ego speaks loud into our minds and uses logic to make its case attractive.
Soul speaks through our heart and it can be the faintest of the sounds. It is gentle. Without force, it speaks with love. It speaks the truth.
But be careful; because it speaks so gently without manipulation, you might just mis-hear it, or hear what your ego wants and convince yourself that it is the voice of your heart.

With that in mind, ask yourself:

• Am I making this decision out of love or fear?
• If my decision is fear-based, what are the fears? What would it look like if I made my decision solely out of love?

Here you go, folks. Another reason why knowing yourself is so important in your life. Fear-based decision making is another blinder that ego puts on us so that we don’t see our true selves and our heart’s true content. It keeps us distant from our Dharma (our life’s true purpose, our destined path). It puts another brick wall between where you are and where your soul knows you are supposed to be. Your truth.

Worried about past decisions?
My best effort in giving you advice on this would be the following:
Move on. Set the intention that from now on you will be more conscious of how you make your decisions in every moment. That’s all that matters. The only way to go is forward. Not reside in or relive your past. At the end of the day, the past decisions (whether good or bad) made you who you are today. It brought you here. With your unique experiences, lessons and growth that came from it.

Still can’t make decisions?
Then let the answers come to you. Write down on a piece of paper what questions you are struggling to find answers to. Sleep on it, forget about it, live your life. Let the answers come to you.

When you put the wish out there to receive an answer with good intentions, it will come to you.

There is a big difference between avoiding making decisions, and letting the answers come to you with the best of your intentions for the best of the outcomes for your soul and others around you.

I hope this was helpful in helping you feel less overwhelmed with some decisions you are facing at this time in your life. I hope this brings you some clarity and answers that are true to you.

And remember, inaction is sometimes the best action: silence sometimes speaks louder than noise.

With love,
S

PS: Also check out my last post on decision making using the “never mind” tactic — NVM (Need, Value, Me)

Decision making can be difficult.

Maybe it is because you’ll never know “the other story”. The would-haves, and what-ifs. You will never know how it would have turned out if you went the other way.

Grass might just look greener on the other side.

That’s what keeps me choosing the options to which I know the least of the outcome and answers. For example, I find myself choosing to exchange sleep for events. I know exactly how my night would turn out if I chose to sleep. Well.. I would sleep, and wake up refreshed.

But I’ll never know how the night would turn out if I didn’t attend the event. The unknown keeps me choosing it over the known, so I don’t have to wonder, what-if… Even when I clearly know the benefits of some good 8-hour sleep.

Turning FOMO into JOMO

FOMO, short for Fear Of Missing Out, can be an uncomfortable feeling for many of us. Nobody wants to feel excluded or alone. What if missing out doesn’t have to be a bad thing? What if missing out on some things is actually an act of choosing ourselves and self-care? I introduce you to your new friend, JOMO, the Joy Of Missing Out. AKA Freedom.

NVM — Never mind

Have you ever wished your decision making was easier, or if someone handed you the “right” answer? Maybe this can help. If you are in the midst of having to make a decision, ask yourself the following questions, using NVM — short for “never mind”, and also an acronym for NEED, VALUES, and ME.

1. What do I NEED? (It is different from what I WANT. Many times we make decisions because we want to calm our desires to know the unknown and resolve our FOMOs)
2. What are my VALUES? Which decision/option would be more in line with my values?
3. What decision would be choosing ME, respectful to ME, and kind to ME?

REMEMBER NVM (Never mind) : Need, Values, Me

Bonus question for those who believe in mind-body connection: How do I FEEL in my body when I think about each option?

It is YOUR decision

Don’t forget that it is YOUR decision and YOU are a very important part of the equation. We, at times, altruistically make decisions that would serve others while burning ourselves out; sacrificing or even worse, neglecting our needs and forgetting to respect our limits.

So many of us are used to making decisions based on values that are (knowingly and unknowingly) imposed on us by society and others. Indoctrinated ideas claiming that we can (and should) do it all. And if we can’t, we are not able to “keep up”, not good enough, not worthy. Lies!

Retraining our ancient brain

We learned at an early age that we needed to please others (mainly our caregivers) in order to survive, as they were the source of food and shelter. Our survival depended on them. We had no choice but to cling to them. One of the ways we preserve that habit in our grownup world is we over-work ourselves, with the belief that we need to be successful, beautiful, helpful, resourceful, in order to be loved and accepted. Even though we are now self-sufficient, we live with the belief that we can’t survive without their approval.

When we lived in tribes, it was also true that we needed to be accepted in order to be able to farm together, hunt together, survive together, and mate within the community to pass down our genes. Ostracism literally meant death. The end of you (and your DNA). Nowadays this is also not true and is an outdated unconscious belief, although our brain still operates by it.

We got some adjustments to make and retraining to do for our ancient brains. I get it — it can be uncomfortable at first. That is one of the main reasons why we resist change and get stuck in our old (but comfortable) ways.

Maybe we can start with reframing FOMO with JOMO, and thinking NVM (my Needs, Values and choosing Me) in our decision making. Big or small.

Good luck!

With love,
S