I got ready this morning, my usual beautiful morning routine, before it came time to get dressed for the day. The inevitable finally came, getting dressed for work. It is Friday, casual Friday; you can wear jeans to work on Friday. I walk into my closet and see ten pairs of folded jeans. I dread unfolding them. I worry about how tight they feel once I pull them all the way up to my stomach and button them.

Here we go, I pull them up over my legs, go to button them, they still fit; that’s a good sign. I decide to walk my dog, wear them in a little, see if they stretch out. As I am walking my dog, the self-prevailing thoughts begin echoing and haunting my mind. Your thighs are touching; these used to be much looser around your stomach. You are almost busting out of these. Who can relate?

I keep walking, haven’t eaten all morning, hoping I will somehow feel lighter.

I get back home, not wanting to eat a high-calorie breakfast and feel weighed down and heavy all day. Because then I will bust out of these jeans even more. I am compelled to wear a blush pink shirt my friend gave me; the color represents the oracle card I pulled earlier that morning, “Ganesha”.

I then stood in front of my mirror, staring at myself in my jeans. Staring at my stomach, I observed myself. I felt cramps in my stomach; I felt bloated. I looked at my thighs touching. I thought back to how many times this single pair of jeans had determined my self-worth. I thought back to how many times this pair of jeans had determined whether I had a bad day. I thought back to how many times this single pair of jeans had me riding cloud nine or trudging the depths of my own despair.

I stare at myself in the mirror, and I stare at these jeans. Why do I wear these jeans? Even when they fit looser, they were not comfortable. These jeans were the whip fueling my ego to tell me I needed to slim down.

A single pair of jeans determined whether I starved my body all day or wallowed. A single pair of jeans determined my worth. A single pair of jeans determined whether I amounted to anything. A single pair of jeans determined if a man found me sexy. A single pair of jeans validated me.

I stared at myself and I went into my body. I reflected on how much I have overcome, knowing my soul is worth more than the body fat percentage on my body. How much love and compassion I now give myself. Then I thought back to the week. I felt tired and indulged in sugary treats. Overindulging in salty foods, which didn’t make my body feel its best. One night, my boyfriend and I were sick, so we had cereal for dinner. We made it a cozy evening, and I enjoyed it. I am menstruating, I am retaining water weight, and I have put on some extra pounds. Does this define my worth? No. Will this make my boyfriend love me any less? No. Will this cause other women to judge me? No.

Have I been turning to food for comfort in the face of not facing my emotions? Yes. Am I going to get down on myself, go into a spiral, berate myself, restrict myself, and deprive myself? No.

I acknowledge how overindulging in certain foods is causing me to retain water, feel sluggish, and upset my stomach. These eating habits and overindulgences aren’t easing my troubling emotions. They also don’t help my body function at its best.

I stare at myself in the mirror and think back to how far I have come. I acknowledge how I used to allow my ego mind to act as a fascist dictator to control my spirit and body.

I look at myself and give myself a hug because it has been a tough week. I then look at myself and acknowledge how far I have come. I want to eat whole, nutritious food. I also want to share beautiful meals with friends. I choose foods that help my body perform well and support my heart, mind, and spirit. Not to be skinny, but to honor the vehicle that carries my soul.

I then look at myself and say, “Why the hell am I even wearing these fucking jeans?” They aren’t comfortable, and they trigger me. I put on a comfy pair of jeans from my closet. They trigger me, but for different reasons. They aren’t trendy, and I remember how unflattering they used to be.

I pull the jeans up over my legs, I button them, my body can breathe. I dread looking in the mirror, but I look. They complement the loose, flowy top my friend gave me. Neither of the articles of clothing is skin-tight; they aren’t suffocating every curve, like an Instagram model or Kylie Kardashian. But they are freeing and accentuate my body in a liberating way. I pulled my hair back, and I felt more beautiful than ever, more empowered than ever, and more self-aware than ever.

Now it is time to throw out the trauma jeans, go shopping, and embrace my inner Elizabeth Gilbert from Eat Pray Love.

When I was in my 20’s, it was a rat race. There was not much content out there for how to navigate adulthood. Here are some of my wisdoms from my vicious cycles of yo-yo dieting, self-image issues, emotional health and mental health, thus lessons to women in their 20s.

There is no miracle diet to get lose weight fast and stay skinny.

Starving yourself, leads to overeating, and wreaks havoc on your metabolism.

Binging and restricting is a vicious cycle

You are not any more or any less, because you are 10 pounds heavier or lighter. I used to starve myself all day to not appear “bloated” if I was going out.

Movement and exercise are wonderful, but overexercising puts stress on your adrenals. Women’s bodies are different from mens bodies. This led me to losing my period for over a year.

Healthy low calorie snacks and meals are filled with endocrine disrupters and do more harm than good.

Eating less and moving more is bullshit, isn’t sustainable and slows down your metabolism.

Teaching myself how to cook healthy saved my life and made me fall in love with nutrition.

You can take all the supplements in the world, but consistent habits and food are the best medicine.

Radical change takes consistency, time, and letting go of perfection.

Prioritizing your emotional and mental health impacts your health just as much as nutrition and physical health.

Sleep is essential, don’t skimp on this.

Comparison is the thief of all joy.

All those influencers who appear perfect have their own problems.

A bad day is just a bad day, give yourself extra love and welcome your emotions. It will get better.

Being sensitive is a superpower and you don’t have to be the loudest person in the room.

You will never be able to fix a man who puts an addiction before you, you are not a bad person for leaving a broken person. You deserve the best, even if that means having high standards. Never let a man make you feel less than, especially when you have so much love to give.

Alcohol is pointless, it wreaks havoc on your body and your brain. I never woke up from a night of not drinking and said “Man I really wish I drank more last night.” However, I have woken up countless times and thought “Why the hell did I drink last night? I feel like crap”

Take time to figure out what you want to do with your life, you don’t have to have it all figured out.

Do not regret any of your decisions, they were lessons you had to learn, to grow you as a person. Sitting in your own guilt gets you no where.

Always trust in your intuition, stay present and the answers will come.

Each day I get in my car, drive home. Once I am parked I sit in silence and decompress. A small surge of anxiety mixed with numbness comes over me. My dog has been in his kennel all day, and once I go in to let him out, it is time for our long walk. I am just physically and mentally exhausted, meanwhile he has rested all day.

I walk into my apartment, feed him, tidy up and then we go for our long hot walk, get back, I cook dinner, eat, shower, am exhausted and get in bed. Countless evenings spent working outside of work. Weekend is finally here, yay! Oh wait I have to go grocery shopping, meal prep(health is a huge part of my lifestyle), do laundry, and try to maintain some sort of social life. It’s Monday, here we go again.

Hi, I am Jess, I’m a 31 year old and I teach 2nd graders in Houston, Texas. While I am fortunate for where I live and the job I do have, I just feel completely unfulfilled and empty. This is not to bash on teaching or being content with your secure 9–5 life.

This American dream just isn’t for me. While the first few years of my job were incredibly stressful, it is finally a nontoxic work environment and I could do the transition method, start a side hustle, profit from that, and quit my job. However, I am just not that person. I get home and I am drained. Maybe if I had a less demanding job, I could. Let’s not forget that if you’re a teacher, it is pretty hard to get your foot in the door of a new profession, but I’ve realized it is not about the job.

I don’t want the typical American Dream, where society dictates my schedule and time off. I feel like my life is passing me by, my ideas, my creativity, my spirituality. I have been molded into what the system wants me to be, teaching for a broken system I do not believe in.

“I have been molded into what the system wants me to be, teaching for a broken system I do not believe in.”

So I quit my job, and I don’t have everything figured out, and I’m ok with that (kind of, it’s scary), but it is what my intuition is telling me to do. I will make my dreams happen, otherwise I’ll be homeless and now I have space within myself to focus on what I want. I tend to work better under pressure. I am on a spiritual journey, and am being guided to go travel Southeast Asia, living the digital nomad lifestyle.

Will this be easy? HELL NO. I know that. It is difficult giving up security and comfort. My brain and heart are at war right now. I envy those who can steadily work on their side hustle, turning it into their dream, while working their 9–5, but that isn’t me. I go after everything I do 100% or nothing.

My loose plan and time frame are detailed below. I say loose, because this is a period of time where I have to trust the universe, follow the signs and be open.

I am currently writing this June 2nd, 2024

Detailed below are my time frame and plan

I am paid for 2 more months: June 2nd-August 1st

Plan:

1. Last day of work June 7th- Hello freedom.

2. Find a part time waitress job, stack cash for two months.

3. Simultaneously following step 2 above and working on my online business and certification.

August 1st- Lease ends

Plan:

1. Stay with my parents for a little bit (I am so fortunate I can do this).
2. Find part-time remote job, continuing my online certification and buisness online.

3. Buy a oneway ticket to Vietnam (where my heart is calling) and travel overseas in Southeast Asia for a few months (or longer), using savings and part-time remote job revenue (hopefully by then I am making other streams of income by then).

Cost of living in Southeast Asia is LOW and will give me time to pursue my interests and build my career online.

4. TRAVEL, EXPERIENCE CULTURE, AND LIFE.

This is my plan and my dream, while I always play it safe, it is time to take a risk. This is how human beings grow and evolve. Stay tuned for my journey.