There’s Someone In My Computer

The first time I’d heard of AI, it was in my college dorm, my roommate who I’ll call Sheldon, seemed to talk about OpenAI’s ChatGPT.

He told me how he had used to write letter to the hostel office and I had told him that’s ridiculous and lazy.

2 years have passed and I’ve completely stopped writing mails on my own.

Back then I had been dismissive of the tech and also believed that it wouldn’t bear any fruition in a meaningful way.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

It has led to rotting, not fruition but rotting.

Growing up I’d always wanted to be a writer, being a writer is easy nowadays, there’s not a great barrier for entry but when I was young it was still considered a noble profession.

Writing was an art, how you keep your readers hooked, how you use your words in manner that feels concise yet elaborate, how you build pace and perform rhythm with sounds of the words. It was like dancing. It was beauty.

I had received praise for my writing prowess in school, my teachers praised me, professors told me to read levels above my age. I felt I was capable, a capable articulate writer that could furnish meaningful articles in minutes.

I was so good, a friend once compared me to a writing machine.

Years later, I sit across a desk, staring at a something inside my computer that can write seemingly better than me.

Oh it’s better than you will ever be but don’t worry! You’ll only be replaced if you don’t use it to “upgrade yourself”

This article that you read right now isn’t edited using AI. I’ve not used any AI in it. Someone could leave a comment “looks like it!”, and it’d be fair.

I read this narrative that if I just adopt the writing tools maybe my articulation can be better, maybe the way I express things won’t sound so rambly and digressive.

If I adopt AI, use it to rewrite my sentences, then it will make my writing more “readable”. “You need to learn how to prompt things, that’s where the future is”

“You know who was replaced during the industrial age? Workers who didn’t learn to use the machines”

Get with the times.

How do I Get With The Times

All art is stolen, there is no art created in isolation, inspiration is necessary. These models that spit out prose, in styles of authors that exited years ago, how does it do that?

It stole it. But not in the painstaking way that artists do, it took it home, trained using that data and now the models generate based on data that isn’t owned by them and there’s nothing that will be done about it.

When I give my articles or writing to an AI to analyse, it tells me ever so politely what I do well and where I need to “tighten it up”

But if I do listen to it, upon reviewing my writing I fail to find myself. That’s when I realised that my inefficiencies, my issues, my flaws are what make my writing mine.

The way I process things are visible in my prose and to give away my mind, to give away my voice in order to make it more “readable” more “interesting” is equivalent to not writing at all.

The way I structure things inefficiently and problematically with tons of mistakes are what adds personality to my wallop and if that’s not desired, there’s no point of writing.

A good writer isn’t one that conforms to the constraints build by a digital society. A good writer is one that honours his code with the words.

I Will Bleed On The Corpse Of This Bubble

I use AI a lot, but only in repetitive tasks and soulless exchanges where I don’t need personality, just communication. Someday when the bubble pops and it sucks the investor money in the abyss. I would love to bleed on its corpse and celebrate my expressionism with all its “work needed to make it better”

Bhoot Bangla is Priyadarshan’s answer to the horror comedy genre, a genre that the audience claims to be tired of – yet it has managed to gross 230+ crores. Let us break down what led to this film’s success despite all that worked against it.

Nostalgia Bait, bringing back parts of the old times

Priyadarshan represents a time in Bollywood when comedies were easy going, witty and entertaining. All of his films featured a colorful cast of characters embroiled in a confusing chaotic mess. As they aimed to solve their situations, mishaps and misadventures would lead to great comedy.

Bhoot Bangla brings back Priyadarshan’s favourite cast members, including Akshay Kumar, the late Asrani, Paresh Rawal and Rajpal Yadav.

It brings the audience a sense of familiarity, something they’ve already witnessed and enjoyed before. And the trailer promised a similar theme and atmosphere to the older works.

This created a Nostalgia Factor leading to droves of fans booking tickets despite knowing very little about the film, just staking onto the fact that Priyadarshan and Akshay Kumar are coming back together for a horror comedy flick after decades. This alone was enough to get the initial surge of success.

However with mixed reviews you’d imagine that the word of mouth would have transcended nostalgia factors. So then, why is it that the film continued to perform the following weeks.

Audience Standards Are Declining

As a critic, I personally left a long list of things that didn’t work in this film for my letterboxd review, I saw shared sentiments with other like-minded reviewers.

However in the theatre, I noticed that the audience members seemed to not find the low brow humour that the film had. Paresh Rawal’s butt burning humour and Rajpal Yadav being smacked around in improvised scenes was seemingly enough for the audience to feel entertained.

Akshay Kumar hamming through the performance, with scenes upon scenes strung together with no real story, gave me a headache. My parents who I’d dragged with me to the hall on their 26th Marriage Anniversary had also face-palmed, yet the audience at the theatre managed to chuckle through most of the scenes.

People weren’t laughing exhaustively but they didn’t leave in droves, they just sat there patiently, chuckling a few times. Which shows that they didn’t mind the film.

When I had witnessed Maddock’s Thamma, I had wondered if this was the end of the horror comedy genre, as it failed to leave a lasting mark both critically and commercially.

It made sense after all, but I suppose the audience has become so numbed that now they’re willing to accept anything in the form of entertainment.

With no new fresh comedies, and the industry relying on low brow humour, the audience is accepting the status quo.

A Bad Precedent

Regardless of the reasons as to why this film has managed to become a success, what worries me more is what this signals to the studios behind such projects.

It sets the precedent that spiritual successors with old casts way beyond their prime and a director who has lost their charm, works as long as familiarity is preserved.

I had watched this film on opening night and written down a detailed analysis of why Priyadarshan’s techniques fail in this film (it was because Akshay Kumar really forces the comedy – his improvisations in the previous films were icing on a well baked cake, character moments, witty remarks and funny clap backs – this time around it was the entire cake, a cake made of just icing.)

I imagined that when the audience witnesses it and word of mouth gets around about how pointless and unnecessary this film is, it’ll flutter and put a much deserved end to the Bollywood horror comedy genre. Instead I was proven wrong. It succeeded beyond my wildest imagination and now I bet there’s plans to make more such films in the future. Especially with Ekta Kapoor producing them.

This film was a crass, loud and obnoxious attempt at recapturing the old magic by Priyadarshan and team, with its success however seems like audience doesn’t mind either of those things and will take more. Perhaps it’s a reflection of how originality has become secondary to Bollywood studios, with more focus on cast and safe comedy. Gone are the days of storylines, as we walk into a world of meme comedy, outdated meta humor and improvised sets.

Note: No AI was used in the making of this article, unlike the film.

Michael directed by Antoine Fuqua is a difficult movie to review because on one hand you get to experience the magic of Michael Jackson’s music, through a faithful portrayal by his nephew Jaafar Jackson, while on the other you get a sanitised montage-heavy biopic that feels hollow in the end.

A lot of reviews I’m seeing state that “hey this movie isn’t for the critics anyway, fuck the critics, this one is for the fans”, even on Instagram there’s people posting just that. And guess what I pretend to be a movie critic, I can say that this movie isn’t for me?

This movie is missing a third act, it emancipates Michael from his father only to stop right there. And I get the legal obligations that led to this film being this way, it wouldn’t have been easy to put it together, but that shouldn’t distract you from the fact that there’s not a lot of substance in the film.

The recreations are faithful, Jaafar brings Michael’s mannerisms to the screen in a way that made me forget that he was playing Michael and it wasn’t actually him. I know there’ll be a sequel as well but none of that makes this a particularly remarkable film. It’s alright.

And I think for the “King of Pop”. A man that was able to spread his message beyond the confines of continents, he needed a better tribute than something that’s just “alright”.

See I see it in this way, if there’s a biopic on any celebrity it’s one thing, it can be cookie cutter, show a rise and fall and trials and tribulations. It can be good, it can be bad, more often than not it turns out to be not that memorable. But when a biopic on a man that transcended language. spreading his music far and beyond turns out to be just “alright” there’s something wrong with that no?

That’s just what my thought is though, if you enjoyed it I’m glad you did, I had a good time too overall, Michael’s story enthralls but doesn’t move you like Michael would’ve wanted (I imagine)

As an expert on this topic, I’ve decided to take some time to let you guys also get an idea on how to not let go, it can be anything. It doesn’t need to be limited to an ex girlfriend or partner, it can be not being able to let go of any past incident.

Step 1) Tell yourself that you are already over it, I mean come on! You don’t even think about it anymore. Maybe once in the morning, once in the night. Sometimes in the middle of the day. But that doesn’t count right? Like the hell would that count for.

Step 2) Pretend you don’t feel anything anymore. Oh you are such a numb person. What are emotions? Not a thing you have experienced. You don’t even feel pain when you see them move on. No such thing as processing it.

Step 3) Keep the remnants of it. A book they gave, their sweater, their pictures whatever it is. Keep it with you, at a place convenient enough to be reached. If not that then keep it tucked away in a corner. But make sure to check it out right when you’re at the point of being healed.

Step 4) Keep a track of them. You know what will make you definitely continue thinking of them? Checking out their social media!! Oh wait, they’ve blocked you on everything.

Darn it, no biggie. Just stalk them on LinkedIn. Everyone forgets about that always! Oh they’ve blocked you on that too (wtf is wrong with you and them), jeez call their blocked number late nights to see if they’ve switched it off or not you fucking lurker.

Step 5) Fix yourself, but not for yourself. You see, turns out you can realize there are things which are wrong in you? I know right, who would’ve thought. But you know instead of using this realization proactively and making this a moment to do things to change it up and fix yourself, work on it only on hopes of them noticing you somehow magically. Do the work but don’t let yourself feel good as it isn’t about you at all. Its about pleasing someone who isn’t there.

Step 6) Romanticize the fuck out of them. Remember how you didn’t like their shady friends? Or remember the weirdly off-putting things they did? You don’t? Neither do we! Because they were fucking perfect. I mean, they were everything you were not — Pretty, Rich, A Good Human Being. Exactly. You missed out. Ignore any negative feeling you experienced while with them, because they simply didn’t exist. Idealize and Romanticize.

Step 7) Write about it on Medium.

And then maybe just maybe, consider that maybe it is okay to let go. Letting go doesn’t mean that the time you spent with them doesn’t matter anymore and it’s wasted. It just means that the chapter is over. Maybe it didn’t end the way you wanted it, but if you’ve tried whatever you can. It is time to move on. This time for yourself. Not in the hopes of having them show up someday. Do it for yourself this time. (And then just maybe they’ll finally realize and come bac-)

Shut up.

I have a friend who often remarks about how I focus on lyrics a lot while listening to music. It isn’t a choice honestly. For me, what the artist has to say is just as important as how they say it.

One day when I broke down a very simple sounding song called “Are you bored yet” by the Wallows, he finally agreed that hearing the lyrics can really change how a song feels.

So, here is a little presentation where I break down the lyrics of songs I am currently loving, it is akin to me presenting those poetry interpretations in school. The interpretation is a mix of what Mitski has already mentioned through Genius and other portals, while also including my own understanding.

Hope you guys enjoy this! I recommend to play it in the background for full affect.

The black hole of the window where you sleep
The night breeze carries something sweet, a peach tree
Wild women don’t get the blues, but I find that
Lately, I’ve been crying like a tall child

I like to think that the black hole of the window line refers to something or someone that once was and isn’t anymore. A black hole, sucks in all light leaving nothing but absolute darkness. It also has a connection with hope, as the breeze reflects the little hope that manages to escape from her pitch black hole of a window.

The next line, Wild Women don’t get the blues is a reference to Ida Cox’s single of the same name which revolved around promiscuousness and the idea that how emotions don’t affect women who are supposedly promiscuous in nature. Mitski remarks that yet she feels it, crying like a tall child. Funny way to write an adult, I thought the first time I heard it but I must say I really like the way by using tall child, she acknowledges how it is to be growing up. Supposedly an adult, yet feeling like a child. Mature, yet wanting the child-like comfort that came while being held in the arms of a loved one.

So please, hurry, leave me, I can’t breathe
Please don’t say you love me
胸がはち切れそうで
One word from you and I would
Jump off of this ledge I’m on, baby
Tell me, “Don’t”, so I can crawl back in

Loving someone to the point that it is evidently destructive, what would you do? continue? Even though every day that passes feels like a struggle, a slow doom that you can’t help but get more of. Mistki’s chorus, which is also my favorite part of the song, has her persuade the person that she’s so in love with to tell her otherwise. To not accept the love she presents, as she wants freedom from the overwhelming feeling that is love.

The japanese line, a nod to the title as well, essentially refers to a phrase in the language meaning ‘heart seeming close to bursting’, underlining the severity of the feelings.

I think the overall theme of this song, along with a lot of other works by Mistki subtly discuss toxicity in relationships, especially those formed at younger age, ones where we tend to attach ourselves so deeply that it’s almost child-like. Another song that focuses heavily on this is her ‘Me & My Husband’, it’s a song that really discusses how it feels to be caught in an uneven relationship.

In the line, where she says, “one word from you and I’d jump off of this ledge”, speaks volumes of how far she’s willing to go for the one she loves. Indicative of how we often push ourselves beyond our comforts, our desires, our beliefs just so that we can still be loved. “Tell me don’t so I can crawl back” (to you) is a testament again of how the whims of her partner is reasoning beyond her own thoughts, akin to when as a child we’re asked if we’d jump off a bridge if a friend was doing the same, and we nod a naive yes.

This entire chorus aims to set up and lay emphasis on the deep bonds we can often form during formative years which can tend to be extremely overwhelming in both pleasure and hurt. Being toxic enough to consume, while being comforting enough to desire no difference. Much like the child in our hearts, stubborn on that old toy that has worn out its purpose.

And I was so young when I behaved 25,
And now, I find I’ve grown into a tall child
And I don’t wanna go home yet
Let me walk to the top of the big night sky

Another line, I feel deep resonance with, is ‘I was so young when I behaved 25’. It speaks of how, growing up, she was told that she was very mature for her age, levying expectations of continuing that maturity as she aged. But now that she had reached the point of adulthood, she found herself confused and vexed. To seem a Tall Child, is a euphemism for someone who despite being an adult feels highly dependent like a child, emotional and distressed.

It’s a sad lyric to relate to, but unfortunately it really does strike me deep. I was very young when I started keeping up with beliefs that I was raised into having. I had principles at an age where people are known for flouting it. At the same time, I felt very scared and thought the straight line, like one of an adult, who knows what they’re doing made sense.

After years of supposed maturity, I found myself wanting nothing more than to feel like a child. To be curious and happy about nothing. Obviously instead the child I became was one with high dependency, of individuals that wanted nothing of him.

For me, this line is about not wanting to go home because home doesn’t seem the same. Walls feel different, so do the beds. The way light shines through the windows feels different and so does the corridor. The television, the fridge. They seemed to not feel like home. Because home wasn’t ever a place. It was a people.

For me, the line about ‘Let me walk to the top of the big night sky’, is about feeling something. Going out challenging yourself for an experience. To forget and to forgive. But I think in Mitski’s case, it is another nod to the child theme that the song has.

First Loves and Late Springs

My current favorite, Mitski is definitely strong with her writing abilities. Her music always has something more attached to it that feels deep and profound. Maybe it’s just that I connect to the lyrics and the themes greatly. First love/Late Spring is a certified masterpiece and hits me perfectly each time. The title is also very apt, describing perfectly what the song is all about. Those darned first loves that leave you in late springs.

That Being Said, please leave song recommendations or lyric breakdowns you’d like

PS: This isn’t very high quality and I am no connoisseur or lyricist, this is just in good fun discussing what I felt. Hence don’t hold them as absolute.

I’m not a psychologist, the furthest thing away from it, I’m an engineer.

However, over the course of the past year, I’ve made a lot of changes in hopes of bettering the life I have been living.

One of the changes I made for the better, had to do with social media.

Social media is a wonderful place, the connectivity I have with people from years ago would make someone from the 60s flummoxed. We have come a long way, yet things also feel worse somehow.

Discussing The Motivation Drain

Dr K from Healthy Gamer GG has a podcast where he discusses a lot of things that can be attributed to our declining mental state. Why do we feel lonely, why does the world feel more divided than ever so and why it can be cripplingly difficult to just exist at times.

One thing that I’ve understood deeply from his videos and the other information I’ve gotten out of observation and studies conducted is that maybe the internet is a little responsible (along with us and our ability to control ourselves obviously)

Maybe Your Mum Was Right — It’s the damn phone

What’s the first thing that you do, when you wake up?

If it’s picking up your phone and doomscrolling your way to the toilet, where you spend a few too many minutes doing the same again, that could explain why you don’t feel like doing anything all day.

In a recent video, Dr K used a brilliant metaphor, imagine a lemon. When it’s full and has been untouched, it isn’t that hard to squeeze juice out of it.

However, the more juice you extract, the more it is squished, the harder it gets to squeeze out more. The amount of effort taken to extract that filled lemon and one that is drained is incredibly different.

Imagine your brain, when it’s morning it is very full like that lemon, but when you bombard it immediately with passive scrolling in the morning, the expectation of fun interesting short form brain rot pushes your dopamine to spike.

It’s not even about the quality, the brain rewards novelty, and Instagram reels, YouTube shorts, regardless of whether the content is entertaining or not, is always novel.

When we choose to scroll immediately first thing in the morning, we activate the expectation for novelty and reward it immediately. This spikes dopamine to the point where it can lead to a crash, much like squeezing that metaphorical lemon.

So now when after that you have work, your dopamine for the day in some ways is used up — you’ve already been rewarded to exist and now your motivation isn’t as strong.

This is what leads us to not feel like doing anything.

Dopamine crash and new established baselines

Now if you do this everyday, this changes your brain in ways that it is difficult to undo without conscious effort.

Your baseline for dopamine spikes increases, meaning, for the same amount of reward or ‘feel-goodness’, you have to scroll longer and harder (don’t ask what that means).

This leads to a cycle of lack of motivation, more doomscrolling and feeling worse.

And as someone who has fallen victim to this and despite being consciously aware of it, still does it out of force of habit, I can exactly tell how detrimental it can be.

Make A Small Change

However, I’m starting a challenge that focuses on replacing the source of my dopamine spikes into something more difficult — reading.

It’s been a few days since I’ve started, but this challenge is all about replacing your reel scrolling habit with something that isn’t as passive. Like reading, since it takes genuine effort, and reading is said to have several benefits especially with cognitive ability — it’s a change worth trying.

So, I ask you to try out the same and let me know if you feel any difference. Me personally, I’ve blocked Instagram for the next 14 days and am going to record my observations as time passes. I’ll update the same.

See you guys in the next one, stay tuned for more.

You know how schools tend to have a game period, where students are told to move that body for a physical release? It almost sounds like schools would be against the idea of games period, after all school focuses on trying to construct a system that restricts you into stasis.

But games class was important right? And as a kid, who doesn’t like games periods? It’s not like high school gym class (where things matter, you have to fight off 30 year old looking vampires to save your town), it is just pure chaotic fun. Meaningless.

So imagine how the teachers felt when they saw a chubby boy sneaking into the library and shuffling through novels during these games period?

‘Let’s say, your child is very unique in a different kind of way’, the teachers would remark during an average parent teacher session. They all had good things to say of course. I was the nerd after all. They imagined that a boy reading so excessively at such a young age was a sign of promise. Little did they know I just liked stupid fictional stories, nothing I read was even mildly intellectual.

I was reading junk ladies and gentlemen, Horrid Henry, Geronimo Stilton, Famous Five, Secret Seven — anything and everything that wouldn’t be considered excellent literature. (Not to call these junk per se, but you understand what I mean)

The point of this tale is that, I stayed like that. I didn’t ever bother to work out, go play games , other than the odd game of football or badminton (which I enjoyed in all truth). I grew up into an overweight clutz but my self image and perception just weren’t the best. I liked a girl, asked her out — never heard from her again (ever). Thought I’d stay like this forever, then met the most amazing person ever— only to mess up the relationship due to the same self perception issues I had.

And all of it leads me here. To the topic of this article. The gym. The second thing left me clamoring for a ban on relationships as a whole. It got really dark. I felt alone, lost and confused about the future. After having spent 1/4th of my life with this person, I suddenly had nothing to look forward to every day. I didn’t know what I wanted from life and I didn’t know what to do with it either because when you involve yourself so deeply in another person’s world you tend to forget taking care of your own.

Well, let’s start where it hurts

The reason for fumbling the whole thing, came from a place of self judgement I feel. I didn’t like how I felt in my skin. Still a work in progress, but the point is insecurities are bound to us through every day interactions. For me, It was very internalised that I didn’t deserve to have someone that was attractive. As I didn’t like how I looked. So after it ended, due to my staunch anti-substance attitude in life I turned to things which I could do to control things. Control my life, take it in a better direction. I joined therapy — mainly to deal with loss and also the gym.

No stranger to the gym

Although I’d been to the gym before, during my relationship, I didn’t really enjoy it at all. It was boring, I couldn’t wait for the reps to get over so I could just push through the exit and there just wasn’t any attachment to it. I didn’t see progress, I didn’t see change. I just went for a few months to pass time. I didn’t research what to do, what to eat, what works. I just followed whatever people around me suggested — from jumping jacks to 30 minutes on the treadmill. Nothing was fun.

But this time around, things were so different. The gym I was in didn’t have people I knew that well. Hence I began my gym journey on my own. From scratch to some extent. This time around, things were ridiculously better. I researched what would be best for my body and settled on a split that involved the muscle groups I cared about the most. I reduced my cardio because I realised it was counter productive and then I got to work.

With the help of amazing online creators like Jeff Nippard and Renaissance Productions. I was able to gather a lot of insight into the gym going process, what was hypertrophy, what was absolute failure and what really mattered the most.

Losing weight and gaining weight

As I consistently went to the gym 4 times a week. I focused on a quantitative approach, keeping track of the amount I was lifting and applying progressive loading. I was also pushing for failure on every set, something that was unheard of before — for me at least. I would keep going until I would physically have to stop from passing out. It was very different from the first time around as I wasn’t just counting 12 reps and then throwing the dumbbells away.

I was counting after it started hurting. Something I’d heard about a lot. (Hurting is an exaggeration, more like when it started being difficult).

As a designated nerd since school, I was really surprised by how much the gym had supported me. By the 7th month mark, after the event, I was looking forward to the gym. I no longer felt difficulty in trying to find time for it or feeling like it was taking away from me in any capacity. It became the place that I went to, so I could calm down.

This links to how humans tend to do better with their minds when their bodies are in a good state. Being able to channel a lot of energy at the gym drastically improved my anxiety, stress and depression. It was extremely rewarding and I aim to not just make this something that helps me achieve a fitness goal of losing kgs or gaining muscles, but instead I aim to make this a way of life.

What was different the second time around? I.e how can you make gym more interesting

• Motivation : the second time around felt like I needed to genuinely make a change in my life. I think that’s what pushed me to keep going. It was the fact that it helped keep depressive thoughts away as I was involved in the gym way more mentally than before. Counting reps, understanding forms and figuring out routines that worked best.
• Failure : Going to the gym just for the sake of lifting weights for a predetermined number of reps (often as told by some arbitrary guide) is pointless. Understanding when you feel like you’ve reached failure and then changing your reps is really the way to avoid junk reps which don’t benefit in hypertrophy.
• Nerd out: The second time allowed me to really understand details about the process because before it was something I was doing just to fill the gaps. Now, it was something I wanted to use to keep my mind occupied. Hence I nerded out, reading papers, watching videos by science based lifters. I have to say, it is a hobby that genuinely makes me feel better.
• Gamify it: Once you nerd out, and understand the processes involved in hypertrophy. You can just gamify the process by increasing rep counts and progressive overloading to increase your high score. Gamification makes it seem less like a chore and more like a fun task.

Following these tips should at the least inspire you to push for a little extra on your gym sessions and always remember that you just need two days per week to start growth. Research on your protein needs, diet, gain an understanding of what muscle groups you care about, what split you wanna try and then just trust the process. Slowly day by day and then at some point you will notice that the bicep looks a teeny tiny bit bigger. 🎉

Why is there this excessive expectation society forces upon us as we grow up. Defining concepts of what’s considered weak and strong when in fact it should be completely up to the person to decide.

Why isn’t it okay to just be. Because sometimes that’s all one needs. Humans are very complicated in nature. A species that has started with hunting and gathering to survive another day, now has the most complicated intricate social structure. Something that has so many facets, which have been normalised by the way, yet are obviously not normal. Because these are rather primitive bodies and physiologies that still rely on ancient instincts from a time that were severely different trying to settle in a world that has moved past beyond it.

Meaningless and Meaningful at the same time?

In this complicated world that has such variance, eclecticism and diversity. How are we fair on expecting each one of us to do something so spectacular, so revolutionary, so big that we all etch our names in the history of a world that’ll not even remember it in a few thousand years.

It’s confusing. We are at the best times and yet somehow manage to have the worst experiences.

Growing up I was very aspirational, I was someone who believed in stringent principles and couldn’t really accept difference easily. Not in terms of what the other person was like or what the other person had to say but more in terms of what was ‘The right thing to do’ and ‘The wrong thing to do’. It let me to a path of judgment and belief that what I had chosen was ultimately in some way ‘superior’. I forgot though, or maybe I was just ignorant to the fact that my perspective was just as skewed as someone’s who I considered worse off.

Is there to say that there are no bad choices? And that binging and drinking and spending life in excess is the way to go? No, that’s not what I’m trying to say. My point is that, life is too complex, too divergent and too abstract to be fitted into neatly tied boxes of right and wrong. To be fit into the concepts of weak and strong.

We aren’t supposed to be anything and everything. To be is a gift, and the time we share in this weird consciousness whether in reality or on this weird space on the web is truly exceptional.

To let go of judgment doesn’t just open us up to experiences that we would’ve never gone through with, it also liberates us. As it frees us from judgement of ourselves. We don’t try as hard to distort ourselves in tiny boxes that are ever so perfect.

I Might have a weak mindset…does it matter?

According to a certain article I stumbled upon recently I successfully ticked the boxes for a ‘weak mindset’ whether it is to not stick the grind as hard as the other thousands with quotes on their wallpaper like ‘every hour you rest, there’s someone working hard’, I set myself up for failure that can’t be triumphed over unless there’s just two people on this planet. Because in a comparison game, there’s always a bigger yield. A bigger game. A bigger fish.

So, if you find yourself, in a similar state where you feel distraught about supposedly having a ‘weak mindset’ that doesn’t want to do things the difficult way, learn that there’s an easier way to get through it. Mental fortitude is important. To build it through life and experiences and judgments is something you’ll learn by yourself at the end of the day. As much as you read these books, read these articles and watch detailed videos on having a strong and firm belief on every box you tick, you will still end up deciding what you need to all by yourself.

Into adulthood, the support wheels are off and we head to a chaotic ride that needs to be balanced. But even if you fail to, you can always learn to get up and make changes. And that my friend, is how you’ll have a supposedly ‘strong mindset’.

For me, writing had always been something I cared deeply about. There’s something so human about expressing thoughts in a manner that can be observed, felt and stored. The way words are strung together, the undertones and nuances that they closet in them are things which are difficult to ascertain through colloquial everyday speak. Any mammal can hurl up sounds but only humans have the unique ability to cement their gibberish onto parchment.

Writing is special, it gives us time to ponder. It allows us space to think our thoughts, process them and understand how we feel as we consider every word that gets typed. Writing can be deeply cathartic, especially if one is honest while going about the process.

So it was a little unpleasant when I began research into how to write on Medium, as all I found were videos and articles talking about the monetization aspect of it. Hyper focused on ways to put the least amount of effort to get a return that would would be your extra buck for the day was something that reminded me of the hustle culture I so despise, something that is also becoming the norm today.

My Consumerist Hustler Brain

As a college going 20-something year old, I would say I spend a solid hour of my day wasting away on the doomscroll. I’ve become very conscious of it over time, however somehow I still find myself drawn into the lottery-like scroll where your brain thirsts for a new hit of dopamine every 15 seconds.

When you’re writing just as a side hustle, I think its already a losing battle as you’re competing with brainrot content which takes a tenth of the attention span and one hundredth of the effort to consume. Passive entertainment has taken so much space and time that it sometimes feels dystopian. We truly have a world where AI generated reels of reddit stories pull million viewers a day.

We truly live in the future, and it is amazing and horrible all at once. An oxymoron that is delightfully unpleasant is how I’d describe the internet. And the way everything has become about quantity and consumption is something that sometimes really weighs on me.

We live in weird confusing times. Things aren’t easy to deal with. And when everything around you is screaming ‘more and more!’ where excess is the norm, it is difficult to feel satisfied with what you do. For one, I’ve never felt less satisfied with what I have despite consciously being aware of the fact that I have done what I can for myself.

I am not one to say “Social Media is destroying us”, it can be a way to really connect with one another and find deep meaningful interactions which elevate your life. However, that being said, those interactions are the needle in a haystack of content, that is here just to make an extra buck.

I respect hustle to some degree as I know how it is, it isn’t easy to make a living these days. But when everything is just about earning, wherein even the content you publish to entertain doesn’t have a sliver of authenticity instead aims to be authentic just to appeal to audience so it can do better, like everything is just a numbers game — it feels like a betrayal to me. And yes, I am being a little dramatic.

That being said, follow my page for more tips on how to get rich quick and hustle your way to the top. Jokes aside, I am not here to monetize content (not that I write anything monetizable) . I am just someone who loves writing, and loves reading content. And I can’t wait to write about things which aren’t as bleak as this.

Thank you,
Sam