The farewell letter

It’s inexplicable

the terrible lover he is.

he tells me i am the best thing that ever happened to him,

a starry sky thrives within the pair of my eyes,

how my voice is his antidote to grief,

and how much he pampers me with endless compliments.

yet some times it is not enough.

he holds me in late hours of night,

blows the arabic verses to calm my nerves,

starts the day with the same phrase he ends it

i love you……i love you…….i love you……..i love you…….i love you…….

Yet its not enough.

he is there always , yet why is so distant.

he would feed me with his hands yet his hands they are so cold.

his hugs never stop time.

he plays all the roles perfectly

he ticks all the boxes

yet his perfection seems a lie.

“i am not ‘sane’ to think of leaving him”, “he is the miracle i have”, “a girl like me got a beautiful looking man” , “he is a dream and she is just ….she is…”

a price he makes so worthless, how?

a luck feels like a misfortune.

a blessing —

a blessing?

he is ticking all the boxes

he is being a perfect man,

yet my heart is unsettling to him

the entire world thinks i m psychotic

maybe i am, maybe i am, i am

because something is too perfect about him,

he a non-human being

tells me he loves me

he a non-human being

tells me he loves me…

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the journal pages of an insane woman. was originally published in Tales of Blue on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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the whispers of my heart

I’m constantly fighting with my inner dreams and wishes. A part of me is unsettling and hungry, while the other part just wants to sleep — like a horse returning from a long journey of struggles. I see signs of Allah always communicating with me, always telling me what is right and what is a childish wish.

But aren’t all wishes childish? A man wished to fly and was looked upon as a maniac who’d lost his sanity, while another man wasted his golden years pursuing why apples never float in the air.

And I wished only one thing: to be seen.

This wish is very costly. It drives you nuts. You know why? Because the universe is always breaking and mending you in an endless loop, molding you into the person you aspire to be so that your hands don’t burn from your igniting wish.

You fight. You learn to let go of those lovey-dovey little desires. You lose your precious ones — or maybe you become paranoid. (But hey, I’m not paranoid. I tried being a liar, then tried being honest and transparent as freshwater, yet people stayed the way I was destined to see them.)

The one who loves you, no matter the circumstances — I don’t even believe in people changing if they really, truly loved you in some portion of their lives.

But then there are some “special characters” we meet for a span of our lives, and we witness their death before they even die. We witness their death even before they leave us. We witnessed something horrific that day.

Until we become that igniting desire we always wished for, we learn that we still are — and would always be — the same people we were in the beginning, because we are honest towards love.

Hence if they change, the always were the opportunists that never “actually changed.”

Love is timeless and ageless. No matter what happens, they would always remember you — whether it’s Alzheimer’s or cancer, they would always find a way to never stop loving you.

They would never ever stop loving you.

I love you so much, mammu.

I really do

she was a pretty moon