An Event Review

Hello there, we are pleased to introduce to you We Just Came 2 Review — our latest segment for sharing honest in-depth reviews of events, experiences and places that we recommend (or not) so you don’t have to.

In our maiden edition of WJC2Review, Ayodeji Rotinwa, a Nigerian writer, journalist and editor, shares his first experience of the Asa Live concert in Abuja. He talks about his high expectations, issues with the concert organizers and why he had to leave before the concert was over.

Before I start this review of ASA LIVE IN ABUJA, it’s important that I preface this with one fact: Asa is a consummate, true artist. Her music makes you feel, rather than forget — which is a hallmark of other Nigerian musicians — not to say this is a bad thing. Literally since “Eye Adaba”, she has gotten better with time, and in grace and style. Everyone who has seen her LIVE will tell you that it was a special, unforgettable treat. A privilege even. Upon seeing her once, people have told me they were so moved, that they wanted to leave their jobs for a few weeks and follow her on tour; that they screamed, laughed and maybe even cried.

When I saw she was coming to Abuja, I was only too happy to be N20,000 poorer. I wanted to hear “Good Times” which I love to sing and mourn the loss of a few, freshly broken friendships. I wanted to hear “Murder in the U.S.A.” because only Asa can make shooting your lover and running away sound good. I wanted to hear “Dead Again” In purchasing that ticket, I knew there was much to gain, in return, for this special experience everyone had told me about, at her concert.

Well, reader, turns out there wasn’t. I’m inclined to believe that this was much less Asa’s fault and more so those in charge of the stage, sound, and visual production of the show. It would be unfair to assume what the facts are: whether Asa oversees this personally or entrusts it to others; so the artist can focus on her artist things. And I think about this way because I believe she cares too much about her artistry to have overseen and okayed what was delivered on that Abuja stage.

When she opened her mouth to sing, we, for a few minutes, heard nothing. The band behind her, gamely played on — as they should. But then it continued. When we could eventually hear her, it was muffled. She was obviously singing with heart; but the machines (and people) tasked with delivering and amplifying the voice we love; were simply not working. She moved quickly through the set, playing crowd favourites; keeping a good pitch; though it was often hard to know where to look with the garish, lopsided LED frame around her, that frequently flashed adverts at intervals and an ugly red cover — which meant something?

At some point, I thought maybe the issue was where I was sitting. We N20k ticketers were in single-seat rows at the back of the hall. Luckily, a friend was — in the middle of the show — gifted a table, and I could move up in station and closer to the stage to hear Asa.

Nothing changed. The mediocre sound and the look wore on. I grew even more confused and disappointed. It was perhaps weird because no one around me, bar a few, seemed to notice. It seemed to me the mere fact that she was performing a well-loved song was enough and not the delivery and experience of that song / set at large. This felt incredibly frustrating for me for several reasons: I had higher expectations than this. I could not accept the typical Nigerian lesser than, the common mediocrity, the “managing things” as they are.

So I left. I can see, of course, that in London and Lagos, there were no such issues, which makes me think again that this was an isolated event. Perhaps we must lay the blame at the feet of the organizers, promoters: Play Network who are NOTORIOUS for their commitment to mediocrity. Pre-pandemic 2019, I attended a Christmas concert that was similarly, shoddily put together. While it seems they have some sort of monopoly over the events market in Abuja, it is clearly to the detriment of any performer who values their work — and does not want to see it tainted.

While I struggle to blame the artist herself, I should mention she showed up on stage 3 hours after it was billed to start. Another artist, Made Kuti, played a set for almost an hour. It all felt long and drawn out. In any case, the wait continues. I still have not had this ASA LIVE experience everyone speaks so dearly about, and I can see it clearly exists… elsewhere.

I’ll just have to leave Abuja to get it.

Follow us @wejustcame2_ on Instagram and Twitter for more content on how to live your best life and get to know about the coolest events in Abuja, Nigeria.

It is Mental Health Awareness Week and I want to talk about men and their lack of solid friendships. Because I recently learnt about the high rates of suicide and depression amongst men. This made me wonder if there might be a connection between the high rate of suicide amongst men and not having solid friendships?

Well, I was not too off track because it turns out that the biggest threat to men’s health is loneliness. This makes sense seeing as most men find it difficult to maintain friendships past their school-age when compared to women. But the honest truth is men need friends too.

However, several factors hinder men from making close friends (and I do not mean acquaintances you play ball with twice a week), some of which include:

1. Men tend to bond around experiences (like playing sports) and find it weird to talk about or share how they are really feeling.
2. Expressing emotions/feelings as a man is shamed across many cultures because it defies the societal definition of masculinity.
3. Sexuality is often questioned (mostly by other men) when men are being emotionally expressive about their friendships. That’s why you get the “no homo” phrase being used a lot.

You might be an alpha male or tough guy but placing value on your friendships is strongly linked to a healthier and longer life.

My Dad has had the same close-knit friends since his University days, this is because he made the effort to stay in touch and they did the same even when they lived in different cities or countries. I have watched him do life with these same friends from marriage, births, divorces to even deaths. Trust me when I say he is one of the happiest people whenever he is with or just talking to his friends.

Even though all these factors do not apply to all men, they do apply to a majority of men whether you care to admit it or not. I mean even women find it hard to make friends as adults.

Here to tell you that there is hope, you do not have to be alone, and you can do something about it regardless of your age, relationship status or location. As long as you are willing to put in the work and unlearn whatever may be holding you back from making friendships.

So where do you start? Keep reading for four ways you can make friends as men.

1. Accept you want intimacy in your friendships and make it normal for the people in your life. Normalize asking your friends how they are really doing and sharing articles or resources (like this one) to start conversations about men and their friendships.
2. Share of yourself: You have to take the lead by talking about what scares you or what you’re struggling with. Not every time argue about sports or politics, sometimes go deeper. When you’re vulnerable, it gives others room to follow suit.
3. Make it a habit: Maintaining friendships is easier when you make it a practice. I have a male friend who tries to check on like 2 or 3 friends every week, sometimes it’s a phone call or a message. After doing this for a while, he noticed it had a positive impact on his mental health and he was able to reconnect with several friends.
4. Get closer to the children in your life: If there is one thing children are not afraid of, it’s talking about their feelings. By being close to your children, nieces/nephews or even your friends’ kids, you get to learn a thing or two about being expressive. This also sets a good example for young boys who feel the need to suppress their emotions about friendships.

Check out MORE resources, you can read, watch and listen to learn about men and friendships:

1. Watch this TED Talk that asserts how “boys will be boys” is a harmful myth by Niobe Way, then you might want to buy her book Deep Secrets: Boy’s Friendships and the Crisis of Connection
2. Listen to the 22-minute podcast on how men can have better friendships by NPR’s Life Kit.
3. Read this detailed Twitter thread by writer @JMMDrake addresses conversations about masculinity and friendships in his life
4. An opinion piece on how straight men depend on the women in their lives to do their emotional labour
5. Here’s another interesting opinion piece on men with mostly female friends and the reasons they prefer it.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue, let me know if you can relate or if you have any ideas on how we can keep the conversation going.

Men deserve to experience the wholesomeness of close friendships and I hope any man reading this that craves one, is brave enough to put himself out there to receive it.

Have you ever wondered why some people just seem to be liked by almost everyone they meet? Sometimes we wonder if it’s because they have two heads or if they use a special soap. All you know is that you just like them.

Well, today I am going to be sharing seven tips you can practice to be more liked by your friends and even people you just met in general. When writing this, I discovered a few interesting facts about being liked by people.

• A recent study found that when people interacted with a stranger, they liked the stranger more when they thought they liked them back.
• Being liked is a skill you can learn, you just need to practice some psychological cues backed by extensive research.

Now, if you are thinking, why do I even need to care about being liked?

Well, in the workplace, people are more willing to pick the lovable fool [a very liked person] over the competent jerk.

Being likeable has tremendous benefits that go beyond helping you just make friends, it can help you secure the bag, build a network and work in teams.

If any of these things are of interest to you, keep reading!

1. Admit your weaknesses: Now this does not mean you share your problems or play the victim to just anyone. It means you are open to sharing some not-so-perfect parts of yourself because people will connect with you easier this way.

You might wonder why Erica aka Star girl, who got evicted from Big Brother Naija 2020, has a community of the most loyal fans? It is because she was vulnerable on the show, she kept it real and this made her relatable to many people.

2. Listen more and judge less: You may think talking about all your impressive feats makes you more liked. If we are being honest, those people tend to be awfully boring or just annoying. The most likeable people I have met are usually great listeners.

Being genuinely curious to learn about and from people, makes them want to open up to you. You can ask them questions about themselves. When you listen actively to what they are saying and you would even have more questions to ask.

3. No one likes to feel judged, including you. Being non-judgmental does not mean you agree with what everyone says. Rather you can seek to validate others by taking the time to understand what their needs, wants, dreams and aspirations are.

4. Find shared similarities: This is one tip I constantly use to connect with new people. I am always excited when I meet people I have things in common with and I’m sure we can all say the same.

Do you have the same taste in music? Have the same star sign? [Shoutout to my Scorpios!!] or have the same hobbies? Take it from me, this is a surefire way to connect with people when you like the same things. When you find something in common with people, always let it be genuine and trust me the chances of being liked by them goes up.

5. Be warm and give compliments: Not everyone is naturally warm and that’s okay. However, people will always be more open to liking you if you appear warm.

The best way to learn how to be warm is to mimic the body language and non-verbal cues of warm people you know. Do not be stingy with compliments oh, you should offer compliments to any and everyone like candy. It can make someone’s entire day and will also come back to you.

6. Ask for help and offer help: Nobody likes a know-it-all, so don’t be shy to ask for help. People like to feel needed, it feeds our ego and makes us feel valued.

When you meet someone new, find out if they are an expert at something you are unfamiliar with and ask them questions or for help (this works great in the Workplace especially). Make yourself available by offering to help people when you can because this will make it easier for people to trust you and like you.

7. Use humour: I find I like people that I can easily share a laugh with more than others. Try sharing a lighthearted joke or making a humorous comment about a situation you are in or a popular event. This lets the other person get a glimpse of your personality and you’ll both be able to relax without taking everything so seriously.

However, please don’t make jokes at the expense of others or about sensitive topics like physical qualities or personal issues. Remember this is not a call to be Instagram’s next comedian, you just want people to like you for you.

8. Smile: When I am at events, I feel more drawn to guests and people that are smiling. I cannot explain why really, but a smiling face is just more approachable than a straight one.

How do you smile to get people to like you? Make sure it reaches your eyes and you’re smiling directly at someone or just generally. It makes all the difference.

I hope you found these tips helpful and if they work for you, let me know! If you have more tips, please share them here.

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Valentine’s Day is some days away and whether you are a single pringle or boo’ed up we are here to remind you that the most important person to show love to is always YOURSELF.

So we have curated a guide for you based on the 5 love languages to help you practice them on yourself because you are the bomb.com and deserve all the love you give to others.

P.S. All of these vendors are based in Nigeria but ship nationwide or worldwide. So feel free to let them know We Just Came 2 sent you (this is not an ad).

1. Words of Affirmation: Say nice things to yourself like, “I’m proud of you.” “You’re doing amazing.” “You are so beautiful!.” You can even put a sweet message for yourself on a bottle of wine from @Drunk_labels or in a customized card from @barefootthebrand or @anoelacards

2. Acts of Service: Give yourself a break and do something nice for yourself like ordering food from @theyellowplate_ instead of cooking and enjoying indulgent desserts from @gateauxbyshay.

3. Quality Time: Take yourself for a massage, facial or get a pedicure at @camelotspa.abj. Pull out a journal and write a letter to your younger or future self @justjournal_ng and @tasselplanner have a nice selection to choose from. Meditate or book a yoga session with @insanityandyoga

4. Physical Touch: Run yourself a bubble bath. Love your body and take time to moisturize your skin with edible oils, butter and scrubs from @virgobynanma. They taste so good you might just eat yourself. Seriously, no CAP.

5. Gifts: You can buy something you’ve always wanted or something you just love. Just think of ways you can give yourself a treat, then do as the spirit leads. It’s sweet that way.

Personally, I like to buy skincare and jewellery every other month to treat myself but that’s mostly because I’m obsessed. You can get timeless jewellery from @shop.raenna or sweet treats from @neemstreats and affordable skincare from @skinpopessentiel

We hope you enjoy this Valentine’s season and show yourself all the love. Have a great weekend ahead and chop life for two!

Looking for more ideas on how to love yourself? Sign up here to stay up-to-date with the best recommendations of events, experiences and tips to enjoy your life.

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Today I want to talk about walls and how essential they are sometimes. But these walls are different, they are not made of cement or stone. They are called BOUNDARIES. Which is a very important life skill that massively improves your quality of life.

WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?

“Boundaries can be described as how emotionally close you let people get to you. They are also where you draw the line within a relationship or friendship. They say how much you are willing to give or take before requiring that things change or deciding to call it quits.”

You’ll find boundaries in every kind of relationship — from friends and family to colleagues and brief acquaintances. You can’t see them, but these lines help you stay “you” and provide a sense of mutual respect, protection, expectations, and support.

They are something you can start working on today with the people close to you and you’ll begin to notice a difference in your self-esteem, confidence, emotional stability, and so on.

And yes, believe it or not, boundaries are also hot. Do you not deserve to be a hot person? Well, today it is my duty to help.

I will be doing that by telling you some of the amazing benefits of healthy boundaries to you and signs you have poor boundaries.

3 BENEFITS OF HEALTHY BOUNDARIES TO YOU

1. Helps you build high self-esteem: When you practice healthy personal boundaries, you get to learn more about your strengths, needs and hopes. You are able to take responsibility for your own actions and emotions while not taking responsibility for the actions or emotions of others.
2. Helps you manage your time better: If you don’t respect your own limits, others may not respect them either. Not setting boundaries or limitations on your time can also make it harder for others to tell when they’ve asked you to do too much. So they will keep asking and even get entitled when you do say no because they are used to you always making time for them.
3. People don’t take advantage of you: If you are always ignoring or neglecting your needs for others because you want to be “nice”. They will take advantage of you. (yes, even your family and closest friends too) However, when you prioritize yourself and your boundaries, it lets people know you honour and respect your needs, goals, feelings and values. They will have no choice but to do the same or get out.

Now, you may wonder why do people still have poor boundaries when it clearly benefits them so much? I think this tweet sums it up nicely and succinctly.

That compelling need to be “too nice” sometimes comes from a place of neediness or a desire for external approval. In order to receive this love and affection, they sacrifice their identity and remove their boundaries.

Does this sound like someone you know? Let’s delve deeper into poor boundaries and what they look like.

SIGNS OF POOR BOUNDARIES

1. Being silent or dishonest when you feel you’re not being treated right.

There are a number of reasons people find it hard, to be honest about how they really feel with others. When you have poor boundaries you tend to feel like what you say won’t matter or you are afraid that voicing out your feelings might push people away or even seem rude.

2. You feel guilty when you say “no” or like a disappointment

Do you have a hard time turning down offers, gifts, invitations, or requests? It is not easy to say no to people or things you care about especially if you are a “people-pleasers.”

You should try to remember that saying no doesn’t mean you are being mean or selfish. It means that you are valuing yourself because you can’t help others if you’re feeling overburdened or resentful. It is also a way to make sure that you have enough left over for you after you have helped people you care for.

3. Trying to please everyone around you, just so you can feel needed.

When you rely on feeling needed to feel whole or relevant, it might be time to examine why. If you allow your role’s (daughter, mother, wife, friend, husband, etc), in life to be the only thing that defines you, then you tend to lose sight of who you are. You have a right to be something outside of these roles and to embrace that part of you.

4. Going against your values, ethics or moral compass that someone else wants.

No one should ever have to do things that go against their values or morals because of someone else. If you find yourself being compromised and continually doing things for others, this could be sign you’re in a relationship that is not healthy or good for you. You deserve to have relationships that make you a better version of yourself not the opposite.

So where do we go from here?

A good start is figuring out why you have poor boundaries, sometimes its trauma from your childhood or abuse that left you feeling empty and like you and your feelings do not matter. Or learned behaviour, from watching a parent display poor boundaries as a sign of love.

Become aware of what makes you feel good and does not, in all your relationships and start voicing them out. Be prepared that people in your life might respond negatively to this, which is why you must stand your ground regardless of how uncomfortable it may feel for you.

If it seems too difficult to learn you can try out cognitive journaling or seek professional help from a therapist. The bottom line is that you matter and healthy boundaries are a sign that you mean it when you say you do.

We all struggle with having healthy boundaries at some point in our lives. It is part of the journey to self-love and awareness.

All that matters is when you realize they exist, you try to do something about it.

Wishing you the best of luck in your journey to healthy boundaries and being sexy.

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