If you try and you fail, you gain experience but nobody tells you how hard it is to recover from failure, the questions that plague and the “whys and what could I have done better? or the it is my fault this happened”

But then this thought jumped into my head as I processed failure, and this was it:

“Death is greater than failure on this side of eternity because a living who fails can try again as long as they are alive. The dead? They have no other opportunity, they can neither know failure nor victory”

As long as you are alive, if you fail you have another opportunity to try again if you want and if you don’t want to try again, you can take it as an epic experience or lessons aka wise person.

Failing is not a terrain I am conversant with but it has made me even wiser because what you’ve never experienced even if you empathise, you cannot understand the impact of it’s depth.

I do not have the courage to try again but I have realised that I do have the courage to move on even though hard.

Cheers to anyone who has tried again after failing.

Cheers to anyone who understands failure and never allowed it to define their worth or capacity.

If you’ve never failed, I cannot say I envy you because there are things only failure can teach which you do not understand. However, cheers to you too.

I did not mention the things failure teaches, maybe next time.

Toodles 🍒🍒

have you ever wanted to die?

is this an emotion you understand? or are you one of those people who have never toyed with that idea?

If your answer is yes, I wish many people could be like you but for real are you being real or are you just being extra?

I won’t judge, mechie onu’m

Life be lifing and only the living will see tommorow or I will say tommorow belongs to the living.

don’t die before your time oh

One of my favourite people will say “kwechiri” meaning believe God in the igbo language.

What tried to kill you yesterday will also try today, and if it fails today, it will try tomorrow, but you know, those who refuse to die will survive.

don’t die before your time

Okay, let me do aspire to perspire now (ghem nti)

“You are not the only one oh. Whatever seems hard now will pass, not cliche, that’s just how the world goes. There is always a circle that goes round and sometimes, it is not your time. Whatever is overwhelming you, by tommorow it may not mean much. Enjoy any support you get, as long as ndu di, olileanya di (as long as there is life, hope remains).”

Anyway, if what tried to kill you yesterday comes today, kill it first sha…

if by tommorow, you see my all my hair has turned grey, blame it on the lessons I have been learning

I write as a coping mechanism and I genuinely wanted to an author first.

See my shop here: https://linktr.ee/ORAlink

Knowing how to do things yourself is a relieving skill to have. It takes away the pressure of depending on other people, especially when the need is urgent.

To do anything yourself is to have taken time to learn it and know what you need to know.

and you don’t even have to be an expert, you just need to know

Everyone needs to have a skill they have developed. It’s a part of being an advantage to yourself and then then your immediate environment and possibly the world. However, no matter how skilled you are, there is always a clause where you will need somebody else.

do you agree with me?

No matter how self sufficient you are, getting tired is bound to happen.

you may not be able to always do it yourself, and there is nothing wrong if someone else does it for you

I have enjoyed doing many things but I cannot claim to be an expert in most of them, I simply know the basics in most and at times when I am unable to get help, I can do something about it

an advantage you’ll say..

“you’ve been forgetting things lately, I hope you are okay” he said to me as I retrieved my phone.

This was the third time in a week I was returning to his minimart looking for an item and the only time I had gotten it back.

His comment stuck because truly, I had been forgetting things, and I wondered if it was stress or if my zoning out was getting worse.

and it added to my thoughts on fading away

Do you think there is something you can do to prevent fading out?

or you do not care?

I have wanted to keep my memory alive 100 years after my existence and I have intentionally worked on it for years.

how?

Through writing and creating art because these are ways I had observed that memories have been preserved this way.

even if you did not meet or see me, you will read me

But I have been humbled from this ambition.

maybe trauma is doing the job

I feared that my memory will disappear and there would be no proof I existed and so I have tried to save my memories in different ways but as an imperfect human, I haven’t been able to do that.

100 years from now will there be a trace I existed?

is 100 years too far?

Is it immortality on this earth I seek?

this earth?

One day, the things I am very proud of may fade away, and there may be nothing I can do about it.

because I won’t be existing on earth in the flesh

Those who have lived almost forever since they died did not plan to…

i think so…

So, maybe if I accept this part of my existence, I will just allow things be even when it cuts me into shreds that the work and efforts I put in conserving my memory on earth may just fade away….

for example, someone decided my wallet was more important to them, and years of hard work and intentionality disappeared just like that. sadly, unlike my usual extremely cautious duplicating self, I did not save these memories elsewhere, and the pain I have gone through mentally can not be well explained. how can I retrieve memories created with intentionality, one I had planned will outlive me?

And so I write because words written are one of the ways to prove you existed. One way or the other words will exists after you.

by the way i could not get myself to complete my diaries for 3 years and diaries are often a proof of existence but thankfully the internet exists, an advantage to writers like me, I’ll say

Do you care if you fade away?

I had something very precious stolen from me, and I haven’t been myself. I have had to understand grief differently. In what way you may say?

I have lost some people I considered dear and I allowed myself to mourn but there have been times I have wondered how people are able to still go to work, wear make up, laugh and even exist after losing a very dear person.

eg husband, father, mother, sister or brother

And then I had my own share of grief and some things made sense.

I got my memory stolen from me, years I had compiled in a small disk. Moments I had captured, stingy to share a lot of them until when I was ready and then just like that it was taken by someone who felt my possession was better off on them.

How do you get over losing memories you experienced that were sacred just because your item was stolen? How do you trace it? How much can you use to buy memories?

If I lose money, I can console myself that I will always get it back. If it was a replicable item, I would say the same, but how do you recover memories spanning 7 to 8 years?

I had a video of my late grandma singing and talking to me, how do I recover that?

Family memories, personal wins, my adventures I had preserved.

And just like that, those memories exist in my head, no evidence that it happened.

How much can replace this?

i have thought of the questions you would have asked

Money has value when it can replicate what is needed.

mother said I will find what was lost and I believe her

Do you think you will be a better person when you make money?

think again

It’s easy to have an imaginary life of what you could do with your life when you consider yourself rich.

by the way, what does it mean to be rich?

For one, I don’t like thinking about money, it stresses me out.

and rich people do this all the time, or am I worng about that?

The interesting part about life is that life makes more sense as you live it. What do I mean? The very things we desire always have other sides to them, and the part you do not yet know about is as serious as well.

Achieving great things come at a cost and what is on the other side can sometimes drown the excitement of achieving them.

I remember when I cried so badly to be a medical doctor, now I am a medical doctor and the difficult part can be very difficult (you will cry different times).

Rich man, rich problems and sometimes it’s better you don’t know about it.

When we get irritated by rich people’s problems, we tell them they are being conceited by complaining but you know? You won’t understand until you are rich.

replace rich with anything you want to achieve

But you know what, we should desire to have a good life, dreaming should be free right?

Whatever you desire has other sides, and maybe it’s not about achieving another dream but being able to sustain it while it lasts or before you get another one.

what do you think?

Jesus died and resurrected, and on that a revolution in history was established: Man was shown an extent of love that would forever change the course of history: a relationship with God was possible with barrier.

“For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son[c] so that anyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

Jesus came for everyone.

Easter is a reminder of the power of love and the impact it can make regardless of the century.

Easter is about Jesus and the power of sacrifice birthed from love.

Easter is a reminder that you are worthy of good love.

Easter is a reminder that perfection is not a perquisite to be considered important by God.

Easter is a reminder that love is a relationship.

As sinple as the message may sound, the power behind it is powerful to transform any life that believes in it.

I wrote some more grainy posts here:

https://sweetrose2blog.wordpress.com/2026/04/05/jesus-the-man-of-the-people/

Is Jesus for you?

by now you should know the answer

3 years ago, I genuinely believed I no longer expected anything from people, but in 2024, I realised I was lying to myself. I still expected people I considered important to help me when I needed it.

Since discovering my hypocrisy, I have gone on an interesting journey with expectations.

after a number of interesting disappointments

I am good at getting help when I least expect it or from people I wasn’t expecting it from and it has taught me a few things about expectations.

I used to feel betrayed when I didn’t get help from people I expected, and it created some wounds I struggled to confront. It created conversations in my head I fought with; the end result- not wanting to become a villain. However, I had an interesting response to these situations, and I think it has helped me adjust well.

Help is always a privilege because people have a choice not to.

why you may ask?

Because it is a choice to help.

The moment I decided to see any help this way, it confronted my expectations when they weren’t met.

Being helped is a sacrifice, and you do not get to determine the kind of sacrifice it means to the other person.

It has helped me to genuinely appreciate help even when I believe the other was in a position to help me because of a relationship.

can I call it being grateful or not being entitled?

I didn’t lose my desire to expect from people, I think I redirected my focus on it.

if it comes fine, if it doesn’t maybe fine too

If this is still a sign of hyperindepence, then maybe with time I will learn a better way.

I made a podcast on this last year though.

cheers 🥂

Success has many friends but failure is an orphan.

Have you succeeded before? How many people congratulated you? Including people you did not know?

Success is powerful, it gives a platform that can be maximised if handled wisely. However, this is not the same with the path of failing.

Some years ago I did a vlog and podcast on “Nobody wants to fail” and it was right after passing an exam that was a big deal for me then.

Preparing for that exams drained me mentally and physically, and for most of it, I understood it was my responsibility to pass it and with time I have realised that success is a person journey.

You did do the rough things alone and get celebrated by the world why? Success is shiny.

I used to get upset by the thought that many who were not interested in the nitty gritty wanted to be part of the merry cherry but thankful I have blacklisted that thinking.

When I celebrate, everyone is welcome to celebrate.

However, many people will have an idea of what they think is best for you, but a few will be interested in seeing you do it right.

Why? Actions are harder. Actions show commitment and commitment is sacrifice.

Sometimes, success comes after failure and those who stay through those period understand the importance of process.

For those who don’t, enjoy their celebration, probably they did not have the capacity for the process like you did.

when you succeed, enjoy the victory more

I have always wanted to achieve something great and noble. I cannot remember the exact point I made this decision but I can still remember a few inspirations.

I wanted to be the first to invent something and admired geniuses and inventors hence exciting my innate desire to be curious.

I explored my interests and promised myself I won’t be confined to one thing; I was going to explore everything I could.

where did that lead me?

Well, I have lived a colourful and adventurous life, one I haven’t really done much of a great job expressing (still trying to) but I have tried to spread my humble seeds here and there.

aka everywhere?

I always want to live an impression but I am not always motivated to do so after a while, I sometimes lose interest in the glamour of it and simply want to just spread my seeds even if unseen.

however, seeds germinate and grow though

Being a medical doctor has made me feel useful. It has given me the opportunity to impact people directly, many that would remember me and I most likely wouldn’t yet there are times, I wonder if I am using a path that will be worth it.

I know it is

I have thought of it many times: “what really is my dream life?”

And it boils that to a simple answer

“to have freedom to always be myself”

This encompasses everything I have in my heart: The freedom to be and the freedom to live every good dream”

but what really is the dream?

I dream of a beautiful landscape with flowers, butterflies, warm sunshine and calm wind. A place to always paint and give it out. A place to share comfort with others without having to be too close to many. The opportunity to not think about how much is left in my purse and provide whatever is needed.

most part of my dream is not peculiar to me

However, a life lived for others feels better in the end.

I hope to exahaust all my goodness and spread them as seeds everywhere.

if I was inspired by others to live, maybe I should do that for others too