It's All in the Past

This is a little thing-y that's been making the rounds on facebook. Although I don't really want to post it on facebook, I thought it'd be interesting to record my answers with a little explanation for some of them, since a few of these have somewhat interesting stories to go with the answers. Enjoy!

Tattoos- 0 (Unless you count all of the stretch marks I earned after six pregnancies. Maybe not as polished as a tattoo artist would do, but infinitely more memorable to me).

Piercings- 2 (One in each ear)

Marriages-1 (He's a keeper!)

Divorces- 0
 
Pregnancies- 6 (Nothing spectacular to report about them other than the fact that I had a seizure in the middle of my last pregnancy, making it more of higher risk than the others).
 
Children- 7
 
Surgeries- 3 (Hernia as a baby, 1 c-section, 1 appendicitis)
 
Been to Jail- no
 
Shot a gun- yes (hated it)
 
Quit a job- (Not in anger or anything ... just normal moving on to better things sort of action)
 
Flown on a plane- yes (also hate it, but glad for the convenience)
 
Gone over 100 miles in a car- yes (more times than I wish to remember)
 
Hit a deer- yes (Once while I was driving a deer was in the road. I noticed at the last second and slowed down a bunch. I managed to miss it mostly, but our back bumper clipped it. I think the deer ended up okay, but I'm sure it was limping for a bit. This summer we hit a deer on I-44 while Herman was driving. I'm pretty sure this deer ended up dead. The front bumper of our brand new Toyota 
Camry was pretty dented).
 
Gone zip lining- no (I'd like to someday).
 
Cried over someone - yes (lots of times. One time I cried a river over a boy that Laney ended up hurting. She didn't mean to hurt him. He just liked her A LOT, and she started dating another guy. I was so upset over that poor guy).
 
Fell in love- yes
 
Skipped school- yes (My kids have skipped school WAY more than I ever did. I never skipped in high school, but I did skip a few times in college).
 
Watched someone give birth- no (Unless it counts for watching in on a tv series ... and I'm sure that doesn't count).
 
Watched someone die- no
 
Been to Canada- yes (Check out our adventure on the border when we forgot that Minsy had a Chinese passport and not an American one. You can read all about it HERE.)
 
Ridden in an ambulance- yes (Hyrum had some weird thing going on when he was 2 or 3. His muscles would just give out and he would collapse, unable to move. Our doctor had no idea what was going on, but she was worried that it was some horrible condition, so she sent us by ambulance up to St. Louis to be seen by a specialist. Also, when I had my first grand mal seizure in 1999 I was taken by ambulance to the emergency room because that had never happened before. Scariest night of my life!)
 
Been to Hawaii- no (No desire to go either ... too touristy. ... Although I would go there to visit my brother and his family, I think).
 
Been to Europe- no (but I'd love to someday!)
 
Been to Washington D.C- yes (Twice. Loved it both times. Although the amount of security that separates we the people from OUR government, although understandable, drives me CRAZY).
 
Visited Florida- no (No desire to go here either. Same as Hawaii ... too touristy).
 
Visited Mexico- no (I might like to visit someday ... if I can get over my fear of being offed by the Mexican mafia).
 
Visited Las Vegas- yes (Only the airport. Worst airport I've ever been in. So incredibly crowded. If they would get rid of even half of the 10,000 slot machines all over the place there would be plenty of room for the people. No one is using them anyway. So slimy and gaudy. Not a fan. I'm sure it's a lovely town, though. I just don't have much desire to see it.)
 
Sang karaoke- yes (Three times in China. Soooooo much fun. We went to two karaoke places that are popular there, rented a room and went to town. It was a blast. The workers and patrons would come by and look through the window to see the funny American family singing hokey pop songs. Then we sang at an outdoor karaoke thing in Hong Kong and were quite popular with the large crowd that gathered to watch us sing. The best!).
 
Laughed so much you cried- yes
 
Caught a snowflake on your tongue- yes
 
Had a pet- yes (Since we've been married ... 3 dogs, 2 cats, 8 goats. Favorite pet ever was my kitty, Oliver. I got him from my friend, Amy Lock, when I was in 2nd grade. He loved me so much that his tail would twitch whenever he heard my voice. I called him my Kitty Mao. He had a tragic death, though. After I had left to go to college he got some sort of gangrene in his leg. Instead of taking him to the vet to be put down my mom decided to drown him in the bathtub. It was not an easy task for her. I can't even imagine. I'm pretty sure I would not have done it that way, but from what Mom said, Oliver didn't suffer nearly as much as my mom did).
 
Been sledding on big hill- yes

Been downhill skiing- no (I think that ship has sailed. I'm not sure I could ever stomach it at my age).

Rode on a motorcycle- yes (Uncle Marvin's. Other than that I haven't. They scare me to death).
 
Rode a Horse- yes (I got thrown from a skittish pony at my Grandpa Lay's once. That memory is burned in my psyche, making me nervous to ride a horse on my own. But I did get led on one recently).

Stayed in a hospital - yes (For all my births as well as a bout with appendicitis).
 
Donated blood- yes (Only once in high school. It was there that I found out that I had been exposed to hepatitis at a young age, making my blood ineligible to be donated or used. Since then I haven't been able to do it at all. You should see the faces I get when a blood donation company asks me to donate and I tell them that I'm not allowed to donate. I'm pretty sure that many of them think I must have some sort of horrible disease or something because I get lots of looks of pity).
 
Driven a stick shift- yes (best thing I ever learned on a pseudo-date. Joe Hettinger taught me how to drive his car so that I could be the designated driver for our group of miscreants that evening. Obviously, I've moved on from those days, but my stick driving ability stayed with me. I actually enjoy it quite a bit, especially driving our cute little Miata convertible. I love the sound of the vroom when the gears change).

Rode in the back of a police car- sadly, yes (Here's one that requires explanation. My mom struggles with bi-polar disorder. Normally, she does just fine, but there are times when the mania gets out of control and she begins to make poor decisions that she wouldn't normally make. One thing that she does is wander from her house. One night it was 3 am when I got a call from our local 911 center. The police had found my mom walking in the middle of the highway near our house. Holy cow! I drove to the end of our neighborhood and found a million emergency vehicles with lights flashing. My mom was sitting in the back of one police car. She was fine ... just a little manic. I rode in the police car with her back to her house to make sure she was safe, and then the policeman drove me back to my car. Crazy night! But all is well).

So there you go. A little bit more about me than you probably ever wanted to know. I'm feeling like I want to make more posts like these in the future. I think my family will appreciate them someday. Maybe.

Letting Go

There's a reason they call them ugly tears ... but I think I'm entitled to them today.

It's been awhile ... again ... since I've blogged, but I am in serious need of some blogging therapy today, so here goes ...

I don't even know how to begin this post. There is so much that I could say, and yet I feel so numb inside too. You would think that it would get easier as each child leaves home to head out and conquer the world, but each time I feel as if a bigger chunk of my heart is being ripped out. I am a basket case for days leading up to the departure, and on the day of ... well, the ugly tears don't often show up on the doorstep of my face, but on these days they are rampant. It's such a weird set of feelings that are swarming through my body because I am so happy for my children and so proud of who they are choosing to become, and yet I am so incredibly upset to see them leave me. I know they can't stay, and yet I selfishly want to have them here. It's a mess.

Laney and Spencer will be together at BYU-Idaho this year!

Today we said goodbye to Spencer and Laney as they hopped in the car to head to college at BYU-Idaho. Weirdly, although it is still hard to have Laney leave, I don't find it nearly as heart wrenching because I think I've gotten used to her having a life apart from our family for much of the year. Her being home is a bonus for me because she is away so often. But when the kids first leave home it is so jarring because I have only known life with them by my side here at home. Since the day they were born they have been HERE. I can't begin to imagine how my life will be with them somewhere else. There are little things that each of my children do that are a part of the fabric of our family life. Every day I expect them to be around here doing their thing. When they leave it just feels so incredibly EMPTY, as if a whole section of our house has been torn away. It's not so much that life is going to be worse. It won't be. It's just that it will be different as we enter into a new phase of our relationship with our children as adults. One of my facebook friends posted an article about how life changes when children move away because as parents we transition away from our role as EVERYDAY support for our children and move into a more advisory role on a periodic basis. That is so true. How hard it is to be here in Waynesville while my older children are somewhere else making choices and living their lives independent of me! I feel like all of the feelings that I feel as I see my children leave home give me a tiny glimpse into how my Heavenly Father must feel about me as I try to make my way through this life. You would think that things would get easier after having done this two times before, but it only gets harder and harder each time we do it. I can't imagine how much of a mess I'll be when JoJo and Minsy leave home in the next 10 years.

But, I know that it is good for children to grow up and leave as they create their own independent lives That's the way it should be. I know that. It just is hard to make the transition. Yesterday I was walking through Wal-mart in tears. I had decided to put together a little package gift for Spencer to have when he arrived at college, and it ended up being a gigantic package of all sorts of canned goods and staples for him to eat because I was worried that I wouldn't be there to make sure that he would buy good food to eat. I was okay until I got to the cereal aisle and realized that after 17 years I didn't know his favorite cereal. All I could think about was how I wouldn't see him sitting at the table after grabbing a bowl of cereal to eat, and now I didn't even know what kind he was eating, just that he was there at the table and wouldn't be there after today. Thinking about him having to buy his own bowl of cereal put me over the edge. Like I say, I'm a basket case in the days leading up to departure.

Laney and Spencer know my well. They bought me a chocolate bar to ease my sorrow as they were leaving.

I have found myself this afternoon walking through the house and noticing all of the empty spots created by Spencer's leaving. It's hard to believe how much quiet blankets a home when a child leaves. It's not just that they aren't there to be talking or listening to music or watching a movie or any of those noise creating activities. It's like the house metaphorically shrinks a little because a presence is no longer there. It's just so quiet, and it feels like something that should be here is missing. But, it's time to dry my tears and be grateful for the 17 wonderful years that Spencer has been a constant presence here. So, in honor of Spencer checking into his new (semi)adult life as a college student, here are some things about him that I will miss in our everyday life:

When Spencer was little I was convinced that he would be a sports guy. He loved to play all kinds of sports, and he was fairly good at them, too. He does still like to play sports, particularly soccer, but he has developed interests that are completely different than what I would have expected. He's actually turned out to be quite a musician. We'd had an acoustic guitar sitting around in our house forever waiting for Herman or me to pick it up and learn to play as we often dreamed of doing. One day Spencer picked it up and started to practice, and he kept playing every day over and over and over until he has become pretty good at it. In the meantime he purchased a few other types of guitars so that he could learn different genres of music. I'd say he's good enough to make it at a run down diner somewhere if he wanted. I am going to miss hearing him sing some Jack Johnson or obscure Beatles song while playing his guitar in his room.

I would never have pictured Spencer as an artist when he was little. He was too impatient to pay attention to details in things or to spend the time to get an art project just right. But out of the blue he started painting and sketching things in his spare time. I think he's seen every Bob Ross episode ever created .... enough that he can explain the nuances between Bob Ross at the beginning of his career and Bob Ross at the end. Neither Herman nor I have any artistic ability, so having Spencer find joy in creating art has been surprising. I'm going to miss finding his sketches lying around the house or seeing him creating a Spencer Original painting in our basement.

Spencer has a unique way of looking at the world. Not everyone gets him. He had a teacher in high school once that explained that he sees the world in an artistic way ... not so straightforward, but instead from a different angle. I have been so happy that he has found people around here as he has grown up who understand and appreciate this about him. I love that Spencer has shared his interesting view of the world in our family as we discuss world events or movies or our community or whatever. He brings laughter to our home and a fresh look at life. I'm going to miss hearing his commentary on life every day.

Herman caught this picture of Spencer with his good friend, Peter, after church on Sunday. He tried for a non-goofy shot, but this was the best he could get from these two.

Spencer has developed into an amazing caregiver. My brother, Ryan, has cerebral palsy, and it has become difficult for my parents to do all of the heavy lifting that is required to help Ryan perform necessary daily tasks. Spencer began going over to help get Ryan ready for his day in the past year. Every morning he would wake up and be to my parents house by 6 am in order to get Ryan awake, dressed, and ready for his day. He helped Ryan to get to the bathroom, got his food ready for him, and helped him get onto his daily bus ride to the program Ryan attends all week. I loved watching Spencer care for Ryan. That's not work that everyone is cut out to do, but Spencer never complained. He's actually expressed some interest in doing patient care work like that in the future. I am going to miss seeing Spencer work with Ryan every day.

There are so many things that I am used to seeing Spencer there for. I can't imagine sitting in church without him sitting next to me. I can't imagine not seeing Minsy crawling all over him there. As I watched him sitting with her last week I started to cry as I thought about him not being there any more. I will miss seeing him driving on one of his various missions around town. I will miss seeing him gather with the other young men in church to joke around after church or on Wednesday nights. I will miss seeing him outside mowing the lawn ... and not just because I like having someone else mowing my lawn. I really will miss seeing him working around the house. I will miss seeing him wrestle with his younger brothers or teasing Katie about a boy crush she has or her hyper-enthusiasm for school activities.

Off they go! We're sending the well used Ranger with them this year. Fingers crossed that it actually survives the semester still usable. It's been through a lot and probably doesn't have much life left in it. But hey! It's an adventure!

This summer Spencer spent some time painting door frames around the house. He had some extra tape left over from one of the projects, so he decided to use it to make words on my bedroom wall. They make absolutely no sense. No sense at all. But in a weird way they are so representative of Spencer. I couldn't take it off the wall. I'm not sure if I can take it off the wall now. It makes me think of him. But, I can be reasonable. My goal for today is to let him fly away, so I'm going to take that tape down ... and probably cry the whole time. 

See what I mean? No sense at all ... but I love it.

Letting go is hard, but I am and will always be eternally grateful for the good kids that I have. I trust that they will  be successful in life, and seeing them succeed on their own is one of the great rewards of parenting. Having these children leave home hurts my heart a little, but I am so happy to have these great children as part of my eternal team. Life is hard sometimes, but oh so good.

All of us (minus Savannah who is serving her mission in California) one last time together.

Keeping Traditions Alive

During this past weekend I really felt prompted to do a better job keeping my blog updated. I felt like it would be important for my posterity to understand the nuts and bolts of our crazy life, and I was doing a disservice by not recording things. I found some family history questions online that I think I might use as writing prompts to help me in my quest to do this, so (hopefully) there will be many more regular posts in the near future. Fingers crossed!

Today I just wanted to take a small moment to talk about our Independence Day celebration this year. This is the first time in a long time .... maybe ever ... that Herman and I have not been together for this holiday. He is with Hyrum at Boy Scout Camp. It is actually their second camp this year. They had the camp for our ward two weeks ago, but Rolla at one point only had one Deacon going to camp, and since Taft and Hyrum are good friends, Taft's family asked if Hyrum would go. When Rolla had trouble getting enough leaders to attend Herman volunteered as well. So now they are gone and the rest of us are plugging along here.

Which leads me to my holiday dilemma. Herman LOVES shooting off fireworks. He always goes with the kids to the fireworks stands and buys a million explosives to shoot off with the kids. We usually have quite the show. I, on the other hand, am not a huge fan of fireworks. Oh, I love the big displays put on by cities and organizations. But when it comes to my own family I am always super worried that someone is going to blow their hands off. I let Herman manage the whole thing. This year, since Herman would be gone, I originally planned on just skipping the festivities completely and heading to the drive-in theater in St. James for a double feature movie instead. But Herman and Hyrum left at 3:30 in the morning today, and I didn't sleep well after that, so I wasn't interested in driving home late too drowsy, not to mention the driving dangers that could arise because of the holiday traffic. I considered seeing the awesome display on Ft. Leonard Wood, but I wasn't exactly how the security measures would be, and I didn't feel like navigating all of that in order to get onto post. Then, throughout the day I kept getting these puppy dog looks from the kids as they asked why we weren't getting fireworks like usual. It's a tradition, after all.

So I caved. We ran to the fireworks stand near the Price Cutter that is run by some local teachers, and I sent the kids off with a budget to explore their options. Minsy loaded up on the cute novelty fireworks that are no fun at all to set off. But she was happy, so that was okay. Spencer, weirdly, was not interested in getting anything at all. In the past he's enjoyed doing the fireworks, but this year he just wasn't in the mood, I guess. Katie and JoJo were my enthusiasts. They got tons of fun things to shoot off. Katie wanted to get lots of things to shoot off in seminary whenever someone in our class had a birthday during the year. I told her that was totally against church fire codes, but I do appreciate her enthusiasm. I tried to get one more expensive firecracker that would be a pretty display. The problem was that I had no idea what I was doing. I never made these choices before. I grabbed something that looked okay. It ended up being fine, but our display was nowhere near as awesome as it is when Herman is in charge.

We didn't have a picnic or barbecue or anything. Normally I try to do something like that, but this year I just decided to make homemade bread and then use that for French Toast. We had fresh blueberries and strawberries and whipped cream on the top. Delicious! Once the kitchen was clean ... miracle! ... we headed over to my parents' house to shoot off the fireworks. My mom is in the mental hospital in Bolivar right now, so she wasn't there, but my dad and Ryan sat on the deck and watched the festivities with us. It didn't go quite as I expected. I thought that Spencer would run the show, but he didn't do a single thing with the fireworks. He sat on the deck with us and sketched things. That's my artist! Minsy freaked out almost immediately. She wouldn't go anywhere near the fireworks ... even to watch them light her novelty things. She did not like the loud noises at all. Katie and Spencer were my pyrotechnic experts. They had a blast lighting things on fire. JoJo needs to restrain himself sometimes because I think he would love to create some super large explosions. But they were safe and did a great job presenting a show for us. It wasn't the most amazing display ever, but it was nice enough for our family, and it gave the kids the chance to keep the tradition alive for another year.

It is so strange to go through these holidays each year and notice how much smaller our family is getting. Laney, Savannah, and Hyrum were gone this year. Spencer will be gone next year on his mission, I suspect. Our little flock is spreading their wings and flying away I am so grateful for the traditions that our family has, even though they aren't super extravagant or anything like that. Still, they are a glue that binds us together and creates the wonderful memories that I will cherish always, even as my babies leave and begin their own families with their own traditions.

Happy 4th!

How Do I Really Feel About All This?

It's been a long, sorry amount of time since I blogged regularly. I feel like my writing is weak after taking too long to keep it fresh and interesting. It is hard to muster up the enthusiasm to get all of my thoughts out there into a post that I am willing to share with the world. But I have known that I needed to get these thoughts and activities out there, if nothing else so that my posterity can catch a glimpse at how silly their ancestor really was. I've been slacking in some ways due to the demise of my old faithful laptop many, many months ago. Instead of getting a new laptop I decided to just use our home desktop computers. Good idea, in theory, but in reality I had a hard time sitting down at those computers and feeling any sort of writing inspiration. But this month we decided to run out and get a laptop for me, so I have no more excuses. I will do better. Starting now.

Spencer has really accomplished a remarkable thing this year. He decided after attending EFY last year that he wanted to graduate from high school a year early. We've heard that before from the Blau children. Laney and Savannah both made noise about doing it, but in the end they went the full four years, with Laney adding an interesting twist and homeschooling for her junior year. Spencer, in the past, has not been terribly diligent as a student. He gets great grades, but he's never really had to work at it. In order to graduate early Spencer was going to have to take a full load of classes along with some additional online classes that could help him get the required credits to graduate. Was it possible? Yes. But it didn't seem probable. But there was no harm in going for it. The worst thing that could happen was that Spencer would just have to come back and go to school for that final year. We decided to let him try and see what happened.

He ended up staying at home for the first three hours of the fall semester while he worked on the bigger load of classes he was taking online. He continued to go to school at the end of the day to take some of the harder classes where it would be helpful to have classroom interaction. This choice prevented him from participating in soccer or scholar bowl, two activities he loves, because of the state athletic rules that prevent students from participating in extracurricular competitions unless they attend school full-time. It was a bum deal, but it was a sacrifice Spencer was willing to make. He worked hard during that fall semester. I thought he would struggle to get his assignments completed in the very unstructured schedule presented for online classes. But he did it. Amazingly, he did it. And in the process I think that he became a much more disciplined and conscientious student. This process really matured him as a learner. I think it has made him better prepared for college.

During the second semester Spencer went back to school full-time. He was in a pretty good position to graduate, but it still was uncertain that he would get all the things done that he needed to do. The big concern for him during this final semester was whether or not he could get a nice scholarship to BYU-Idaho, his college of choice. He had a good enough GPA to get a nice scholarship, as long as he could get a 30 on the ACT. His score was already respectable, but he still needed to raise it a couple of points. That would not normally be a problem since he could have an entire year of extra math and science classes that could improve his knowledge base, but because he was trying to graduate early he needed to get that score this year. He basically had one chance to do it in February. That was it. If he didn't get the score he needed he could still get a half-ride scholarship. That would have been okay. But his hope was to have that tuition paid so that he wouldn't have to figure out how to pay for his college. That's right, folks ... we don't pay for our kids' college educations. Neither of us did, and we turned out just fine. We think that our kids need to have the personal responsibility that comes with paying for their own education. It may mean that they can't attend the super expensive school of their choice, but there are still wonderful options for them that make economic sense, and they can still manage to end their schooling without loads of debt. But because of this situation, it was important to Spencer to get as much of his college paid beforehand. He took the test in February ... and he got the 30!!!! Hooray! That made his future plans much simpler. After getting accepted to BYU-Idaho and receiving his scholarship, the only thing left for Spencer to do was to actually graduate ... and he did!

It was a strange thing to watch the graduation activities this time around. This is the third time we've done this. I thought that I'd be sad when I saw Laney graduate since she was our first, but I wasn't. I remember it being a happy occasion. Savannah's graduation was much the same. But this time around I was feeling awfully sad about the whole thing. Sure, I was super proud of Spencer and all that he has managed to accomplish. I was proud of the man he was growing to be. It was nice to see him walking during the Passing of the Torch ceremony and during the actual graduation ceremony that night. But, oh man!, I was super sad at the same time. It just didn't feel right that he was graduating this year. I think that my heart knew that I was owed one more year with him at home. But here he was graduating, ready to head off into the sunset, leaving us here without him. It seemed so wrong.

I still have about three months left to wrap my head around a life without Spencer here. I'm working on it ... or at least I'm trying to. So few people out there really get just how wonderful Spencer is. He's pretty squirrelly at times. He is more likely to tell a joke than to be deep and meaningful in his conversation. He sees the world at an angle, if that makes any sense. While I might look at an issue one way, he is sure to see it in a completely different way. I am sure that many people look at Spencer and just see a boy who isn't interesting in taking life all that seriously. But for those who actually bother to LISTEN to him and HEAR what he is saying, they will find a young man who is compassionate and caring. They will find a young man who is loyal and willing to serve. They will find a young man who is hard working and generous. It's probably a weird thing to do, but I can always judge the depth of a true leader and teacher by how they understand Spencer. Those who are willing to see people in a positive light and look for the good in everyone can find that good in Spencer. Those who are critical of others and view others negatively don't take the time to get to know him, writing him off simply because he doesn't fit into the box they have built for him. I appreciate those who take the time to KNOW my son and see who he truly is. (Not to say that we don't have to often have teaching moments where we have to tell Spencer that he can't always buck the system. He has to play by the rules sometimes, you know?)

Spencer is spending the summer working as a home health aid for my brother, Ryan, who has cerebral palsy. It's not work that just anyone can do. A lot of people might find it too hard. I know that Ryan had a hard time finding people in this area who were willing to do the work to get him ready for his day ... but Spencer has done it without complaint. In fact, he has made some noise about perhaps going into nursing because he has a certain gift for this sort of work. That really surprised me, but it made me smile inside to think that he is becoming his own person. I don't know if I will be able to handle him leaving home so quickly, but I do know that he is ready for whatever the world will throw at him. I can hardly imagine him as a college student. He still seems so young to me. But he has proven that he can approach life with responsibility and determination. In a world where so many of his peers are almost shiftless in their planning for the future, I am glad that Spencer is making a plan and then doing the necessary things to make that plan work.

Sometimes it's hard to be a mom ... but seeing my children succeed and make good choices in their lives makes it all a wonderful ride for me. Here's to the future!

I Choose to Be a Mormon

Today I will probably pay the price for not doing a better job of updating my blog for several weeks. Usually when I am more regular in my writing I begin to feel a lot more comfortable in how I say things. I don't struggle so much to get my thoughts and feelings onto a written page. But when I neglect updating the blog I get rusty, unsure of my words, never quite feeling as if I am saying things the way that I mean for them to come out. I find it difficult to take the feelings of my heart and adequately transfer them into written words. That's where I find myself today.

I have wanted to write this post for a long, long time. I've felt prompted to begin it so many times, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. My beliefs are so important to me. They form the foundation of who I am as a person. They are deeply felt. I share them today simply to show a little bit of who I am. I'm not interested in sparking some sort of intense religious debate, and so often when these sorts of posts show up online people feel this need to bash and argue. I share these thoughts, not to attempt to convince or to condemn, but simply because they are a snapshot of me ... something that I hold close to my heart. I recognize that everyone holds their own beliefs and feelings about religion, and I respect that. This post is not meant to criticize any other faith traditions or even those who don't hold religious beliefs at all. Everyone has their own path to walk in this life. This is mine.

When I was growing up I didn't consider myself particularly religious at all. My family didn't really go to church much when I was growing up. I can remember hearing all the church bells ringing on Sunday mornings in my little hometown, and I loved it, but I never felt any particular drive to head to church. But as I reached adolescence I think that I became what would be labeled a SEEKER. I was searching for something. What that was? I have no idea. It's hard to describe, but I guess it was just like there was a hole in myself ... a missing piece. I wonder if a lot of youth feel this emptiness. It's not like depression or anything. It's just like there is something missing, and you have to find what it is before you can be whole. That was me in high school. I looked in lots of places to find that missing piece. I made a few idiot decisions to try to fill the hole, and those didn't work out (thank goodness!). I looked at a few different religions casually. I never felt the need to look for a church home while I was in high school, but I did enjoy checking out other's beliefs. I can still remember attending this amazing gigantic religious musical presentation put on in Waverly one time about the Savior. It was quite the production .... lots of pyrotechnics and great music. It was really exciting to watch ... but it still didn't move me to want to embrace any particular religion. As I headed to college I still held no firm religious convictions, but I loved to study all sorts of religious thoughts. I bought Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance to broaden my experience and felt like I was really becoming a deep thinker. I checked out several of the religious groups on campus simply to enhance my understanding of what other's believed. It was all interesting. Lots of the discussions were enlightening. But still, I felt no desire to hang my hat anywhere. There were some issues that I really struggled with as I studied all religions, and although I found so many great things about so many different religions, I never found something that truly answered the questions I struggled with.

One place that I decidedly did not look for information was with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints ... the Mormons. Like a lot of people in the world, when I thought about the Mormon church I immediately thought of polygamy. I'm sure I understood that polygamy has not been practiced by members of the church for over a hundred years, but that is the image that often popped into my head. Also, weirdly, I thought that Mormons were a lot like Amish. I think that this is because I grew up in northern Missouri near an area of historical importance to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The areas of Far West and Adam-ondi-Ahman are located a few counties over from my home county, and I remember when we used to drive the back roads toward my grandparents' house in Cameron, Missouri we would always pass this giant blue sign that said, "YOU'RE IN HISTORIC MORMON COUNTRY!" It pointed to Far West and Adam-ondi-Ahman, and there was a picture of a pioneer wagon on the edge. My young mind must have equated that with the Amish, and so my views were fixed. I immediately determined that checking out the Mormons did not interest me at all. So, while I was priding myself on my religious tolerance and my desire to understand and investigate all religious thought, I still was being pretty limited in my "seeking." 

That's when I feel like the Lord got tired of waiting for me to make a decision and nudged me in the right direction. Through a weird set of circumstances that I'll save to share another day I found myself all by myself in the middle of an LDS sacrament meeting on Easter Sunday in 1991. I hadn't planned to be there. Seriously. It was a total accident. I thought I was going to a different church, and my need to avoid calling attention to myself made me stay sitting in my seat for the entire meeting. Then, as I was making my way to the exit, a young man attending that day stopped me and invited me to stay for Sunday school. (Thanks, Jace!) I did. I met several people my age and actually had a nice time. 

I'm not sure that I really had any plans to return to the LDS church after that day. It was a nice meeting, but it didn't really spark anything that would drive me to continue to investigate what exactly Mormons believe. I think I would have always just thought of that experience as one of those wacky things that happen in college sometimes when our plans go awry. But that night I got a phone call from a guy who I was introduced to that day at church. I'm not sure what inspired him to call me, but I feel like it was so inspired. We talked for forever about the church and its beliefs. I had so many questions about religion in general, and I think that Ray answered every single one of them that night. (Thanks, Ray!) It was as if all the things that I needed to know were all pulled together and placed in one spot so that finally I could understand who I was, where I came from, and where I needed to go. He invited me to come to his house and meet with missionaries who could teach me more about the beliefs of the church. I agreed, and I still think that I was simply meeting with these missionaries just so that I could broaden my understanding of other's beliefs. Instead, it turns out that I was getting ready to have experiences that would remind me of the things I already knew but had forgotten. The hole that had been eating me up inside was getting ready to be filled. 

Long story short ... I decided to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and was baptized on April 28, 1991 ... twenty-five years ago today. Little did I understand then just how important that decision would be to me. It wasn't just a choice to join a particular church. For me it was making a choice to fundamentally transform who I was as a person. My beliefs have formed the foundation of who I am. They inform and mark my choices in life. They push me to constantly grow and move forward to trying to be more like the person I was born to be. They give me strength when I am weak and lift me up when I fall. The form the foundation of my relationships with my too amazing husband and my wonderful children. I am not the same person I was 25 years ago, and I credit my faith with those changes.

So, with that longer-than-anticipated introduction ... here are just a few reasons that I chose to be a Mormon years ago and why I choose to be a Mormon today:

The Plan of Salvation

One of the things that always bothered me as I studied many religions was the concept of the afterlife that seemed to have such a black and white view of what would happen to us when we die. The options were heaven or hell. Some believed that the only ones who could get to heaven were those who accepted Jesus Christ. Everyone else was heading to hell. That's a pretty concrete way of seeing how things turn out, but it left me with tons of questions. What about all those people who live and die without ever hearing a word about Jesus Christ? Through no fault of their own they were born into an area of the world where Christianity was limited or non-existent. What about those people? What if they were super good people but never got the chance to accept Jesus Christ? What about people who were super good people and lived their lives doing good for others and lifting people up but never were particularly religious? Does that concrete vision of heaven and hell say that those good people are relegated to hell-fire and brimstone for eternity alongside the people who were not so good? The whole process seemed vastly unfair to me. No explanation made any sort of sense. 

What I love about the Plan of Salvation is that is shows that Heavenly Father is both just and merciful. There are expectations that have to be met in order to receive exaltation. There are laws that have to be kept. But there are opportunities for all of us to receive the necessary understanding and ordinances in order to have chance to return to our Father in Heaven. I love knowing that every single person on earth made the choice to come to earth to gain a body and gain experience so that we could progress spiritually. I love knowing that all of us will be rewarded for that decision. Everyone. I love that there are still consequences for our choices. It's not that everybody gets a party in the end. But I know that Heavenly Father's wish is for His children to be happy. The Dante's Inferno version of hell that is so often preached is not what we believe. Is hell real? Absolutely. But I love that the Atonement of Jesus Christ allows us to overcome death and sin if we choose to accept it. Everyone can have that opportunity. Everyone. It's up to each of us to make the choice. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ each of us have the opportunity to get a portion of heaven as we live for it.

Want to hear more about The Plan of Salvation from people who are much better writers than me? Check out this link ... Our Beliefs: The Plan of Salvation

Free Agency

Speaking of choice, I love that one of the important tenets of my faith is the idea that everyone is entitled to make their own choices in life. This principle is so important that we believe that all of us fought a war in heaven before we were born so that we could have the right to come to earth and choose for ourselves which path we want to follow. I chose to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for myself because I had personal experiences that led me to believe its truths. No one made that choice for me. I made it myself. I really respected how the missionaries taught me about the church as I was investigating. Of course they believed it was true. These were two 21 year old women (Thanks, Amy and Stacy!) who had given up 18 months of their lives in order to move to Missouri and share the gospel with others. It wouldn't be surprising to hear that they thought that the church was true. Ask any preacher of any religion, and of course they will say that their ideas are the best. What I loved about the missionary discussions is that they simply invited me to ask God about it. I had to have my own personal experiences to help me know it there was any truth to the things they were teaching. I did ask, and I felt the Holy Ghost testify that it was true. That's why I joined, and that's why I've stayed. I have learned for myself, and there is power in that.

Want to hear a better explanation of why we value our free agency? Check out this link: Our Values: Choice

Prophets

The idea of modern day prophets can be a little wacky to people. People who have no problem believing that Moses could part the Red Sea, that Elijah could defeat the priests of Baal by calling down fire from heaven, or that Isaiah could prophesy of the birth and mission of the Savior, can't see how some guy driving a car into work wearing a modern day suit and tie could possibly be a mouthpiece for the Lord. The belief is that prophets were a thing of the past, needed for Old Testament times but not today. I'll admit that the thought of there being a modern day prophet on the earth today seemed weird to me when I learned about prophets. The prophet of the LDS church when I joined was Ezra Taft Benson. He had been the United States Secretary of Agriculture under Eisenhower, and I still remember my mom being a bit upset that I was choosing to join a church with him as prophet, because apparently my Grandpa Lay who was a farmer in Iowa REALLY did not like the agriculture policies that Ezra Taft Benson promoted during his tenure. The men who serve as leaders of the LDS church are just ordinary people like all of us. They have careers and families and are just living their lives in the world doing the best they can to be all that they can be for themselves and their families. That's cool to me, but it was a little hard to look at these guys who look a lot like any other grandparent on the planet and see that they can also be a prophet of God. But I know that they are. I do. I'm sure that I could not provide any sort of explanation for that belief that would satisfy everyone, so I won't even try. I just know that I have found comfort in hearing people in our day and age use the scriptures we already have along with modern revelation that can help us better navigate a world of technology and progress that would have blown the minds of those who were dealing with the struggles of the ancient world of the Holy Bible.

Want to hear more about prophets? You can read more about them at this link: Our Beliefs: Prophets Speak Today

Families

I know that the idea of families is not unique to my church. Lots of people love and value their families. It isn't required to have any religion at all to have a happy and fulfilling relationship with our families. But what I love about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the understanding that families are forever. We believe that our family relationships don't sever as soon as death comes. We believe that we have the opportunity to live as family units into the eternities. I believe that if I live for it, I can be together with my husband forever. I don't think that we are alone in this belief. Every time you go to a funeral where a loved one has died you can often hear people make statements where they'll say, "At least now Grandma and Grandpa are together again." Lots of us have visions of a welcoming committee of loved ones who have died before being there to greet us on the other side. That is comforting to me. It feel right. We devote so much of our love and attention in this world to our families. My family brings me the most joy in this world. I can't imagine being parted from them in the world to come. It is strange to me that this is a belief that lots of people outside the church criticize. I believe that Heavenly Father wants us to have joy, and I believe that families are a part of that joy. I know that my family can be with me forever.

Do you want to know all the things we do to strengthen families? Check out this link: Our Values: Family

The Book of Mormon

The idea of a book of scripture separate from the Bible is hard for many to swallow. Lots of people spend lots of time working to discredit The Book of Mormon. I can see why they do. If they can somehow show the Book of Mormon to be some sort of sham it would sure destroy a basic foundation of the LDS church. This book is central to our beliefs. We believe that is another testament of Jesus Christ. We believe that it works together with the Bible to testify of Jesus Christ's life and mission. We believe that it tells of Christ's ministry to people in the Americas. We believe that Jesus Christ atoned for all mankind's sins. We believe that He ministered to others after his death in Jerusalem. The Book of Mormon is one record of that ministry. I think that there are lots of ways to logically explain the Book of Mormon and to logically convince the world of its importance and relevance. But I am going to simply say that I know that it is true because I feel the truth of it as I read the words. I feel the truth of the doctrines and principles it promotes. When I was first presented with a copy of the Book of Mormon I was asked to turn to its final book which is called Moroni, and in the 10th chapter of that book a promise is made. It says: 

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. 

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

I did that. I read the book. I asked God if it was true. And, by the power of the Holy Ghost, I found that it was true. No fancy explanations or logical debate points. I just knew. I remember that there was a point right before I was baptized when some well meaning people sent me a ton of anti-Mormon brochures to try and show me that I was making a poor choice. I kind of wish I had kept those brochures because some of the warnings and arguments were amazingly ridiculous. But some of them were troubling enough to me at the time that I laid those brochures out on the bed of my dorm room and began asking my missionaries about every single argument the brochures had thrown out. They were great and answered all my questions satisfactorily, but at one point Sister Gomm said something that has been a guiding principle in my life ever since. She held up all the brochures I had gathered and asked me how I felt when I read those things. I answered quickly that I felt awful. Then she held up the Book of Mormon and asked how I felt as I read it. I told her I felt good inside. Then she asked, Which feeling do you think comes from God?" Ohhhhhhhhh! It was like a light just erupted from the sky and went straight into my head. I suddenly saw all of my questions and all of my answers in a new light. I have used that question ever since then as I have worked to understand what is good and what is not in my life. Pertaining to the Book of Mormon, I know that I have been draw closer to my Savior through its words than any other works. It enriches my experiences as I study the Holy Bible as well. I have gained a better understanding of who I am and what I can become because of its words. I love it.

Want to hear more about The Book of Mormon? Check out this link: Our Beliefs: The Book of Mormon

In fact, there is a great spot to get all the facts about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It's just info. You don't have to sign up for anything or put down any contact info. I promise. If nothing else, it is interesting to know what we believe. You can find it all here: https://www.mormon.org/

There are so many other things I could say about the reasons that I choose to be a Mormon, but I'm sure that any brave souls who have managed to get to the end of this super long blog post are probably bored to tears now. It's time to end this. I will say one thing about my choice. I have heard the argument that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are like sheep, blindly following our leaders without thought or reason. I had a young man in one of my seminary classes say that once. When I answered him I said that I wasn't following blindly. I asked a question. I wanted to know if I was following the right shepherd. Once I got my answer, I didn't need to constantly ask questions questioning whether to keep following or not. I know I'm heading in the right direction. So I'll follow. I'll go where He asks me to go.

So, there you have it. A long post with a little snippet of what makes me who I am. I am so grateful to have been led to the church so many years ago. I am so glad for the angels along the way who have guided me and lifted me up to keep me on the path. I am grateful for who I have become, and I am even more grateful for who I have the potential to grow to be.  I love my life!

Called to Serve ... the Sequel

Things hardly feel real to me today. I feel a weird sense of emptiness. Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel like I should be freaking out or something, but I feel relatively peaceful about everything. Still, my heart is full with this weird mix of sadness and happiness after sending Savannah away today to begin her 18 months of service as a full time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She'll be attending the MTC in Mexico City for six weeks where she'll learn to teach the gospel in the Spanish language. Then she'll be back to the US to spend the remainder of her mission serving in the California Bakersfield mission. These feelings shouldn't be a surprise to me. We've done this before as Laney left to serve in Chile two years ago. But it doesn't get any easier. Even when I feel like this is the best thing for Savannah to be doing right now it doesn't keep me from hurting so much as I think about how much we are going to miss her.

Just because I think it will be cathartic to do it, here are some things I'll miss about Savannah:

1. Her amazing sense of humor. Savannah can see the funny in almost any situation, and she tells the best stories. I love to sit in another room and listen to her talking with her siblings and making them all laugh. I hope that her letters home will show some of this humor, but I'm not sure it'll translate to written language quite as easily as it flows from her mouth.

2. Her relationships with Spencer and Laney. Spencer and Laney are pretty different people, but for some reason Savannah clicks wonderfully with both of them. Spencer just comes alive when Savannah is around, and I never really noticed that until she was gone to school this past semester and then returned home for Christmas break. I love how Savannah and Laney giggle so much when they are together, but I also love how Savannah is good at keeping Laney centered, especially when it comes to relationships and things like that.

3. Her love for really odd old movies, old not-so-classic television, and old radio programs. Savannah told me that one of her BYU roommates this past semester told her that she could see Savannah marrying someone a lot older than her. I'm not so sure about that, but I can see why her roommate said that. Savannah has old tastes in entertainment ... not old like me or even old like my parents. I think that people of my grandparents' generation would have really jived with Savannah and her media preferences. It's not just that Savannah watches or listens to these things. She revels in it with so much joy and enthusiasm that you can't help but want to watch along with her. Over Christmas break she introduced us to the French classic film from the 1960's, Les Parapluies de Cherbourg. What a downer of a movie/musical! But it's a classic, and watching with Savannah took what could have been one of those experiences that I would call an extreme waste of two hours of my life and turned it into a classic family moment. There is this famous song from the movie that we couldn't get out of our heads, and throughout the last week Herman, Laney, and Savannah would start humming it as background music if anyone started being a Debbie Downer about anything. So funny! I'll miss those sorts of moments.

4. Her ability to quote a movie or television program without missing a beat in order to match whatever situation we find ourselves in. Savannah must have the entire SpongeBob series memorized. Okay, probably not, but it is uncanny how quickly she can pull up a SpongeBob quote perfect for the moment. Uncanny. It's part of the thing that makes us laugh so much as we head through life.

5. Her musical talents. There is very little that gives me as much joy as hearing Savannah playing the piano each morning as I'm waking up. She has always played the piano because it brought her peace and joy. In fact, when I had pretty much given up on arranging piano lessons for my children Savannah took it upon herself to teach herself to play better. I love hearing her play the organ in church. The organ in our church isn't functioning 100%, so I can't wait to have her return so that we can take her somewhere where all the organ functionality is working so that I can hear the full range of her talent. I hope she gets lots and lots of opportunities to play on her mission.

Well, I'm feeling tapped out when it comes to inspiration today. I feel like my words just aren't working, so instead I'll just share a few pictures taken today and yesterday as Savannah was set apart and headed off on her mission adventure. They won't tell the whole story of what is going on in my head, but they'll help a little. Here you go ...

The very best thing about Herman's calling as a stake president is the opportunity it gives him to set apart our children as full-time missionaries. He is so good at imparting wisdom and letting missionaries realize the blessing that they will be in the lives of those they serve on their missions. I love hearing the blessings he promises in the setting apart blessing. They are the best! I love hearing the blessings he offers to others, but it is extra special to hear those blessings given to our children. You can truly feel the Holy Ghost testifying of the importance of this work and their role in sharing it with the world.

Everyone was fine until JoJo started to cry. He came up to me
and said, "I don't know why, but for some reason I am more sad
for Savannah to leave than I was when Laney left. I don't want her
to go." Awwwww.

And that's when Savannah lost it.

And the day finally arrived. I LOVE leaving from the Springfield airport. It's so
small and personal. There is no stress at all due to the airport. It gives us time
to stress out only because we are sad to see her go.

Best friends. Sisters. And now they'll have the Spanish language
to share as well. Hermanas forever!

Savannah understands Spencer better than anyone. I love how Spencer
comes alive whenever he laughs with Savannah.

Saying goodbye is hard to do.

Proud daddy!

God be with you 'til we meet again!

Ten(ish) Books

Last month Laney had a former high school teacher post a challenge on her facebook page asking her and her friends to share ten books other than the Bible that had stuck with them in some way. I kept checking back on that post to see what people posted. It was super interesting to see what people said. Some were sincere answers where you could feel the book love oozing from their words. A couple seemed less sincere ... more like the sort of books that they thought they should put down rather than actual books that really touched them in some way. 

Seeing that post made me think of my own list of ten books that had some sort of impact on my life. Since the Bible was excluded as a possibility in their post I'll also exclude The Book of Mormon although I will say that both the Bible and Book of Mormon had the most lasting impact in my life and probably deserve their own separate posts. As for more secular choices, here are ten books that have touched me deeply in one way or another or books that have just stayed in my heart and head for some reason...

First, a caveat ... a read a lot. I love to read. Although I am not violently opposed to reading heavy topics I prefer to read lighter, happier books that are more escapist. Any Judgey McJudgey's out there who are going to shake their heads over that should probably stop reading now and make your own list that makes you feel happy inside. These books hold a special place in my heart for different reasons, and hopefully, everyone else can enjoy my picks without feeling any need to form opinions about my personal worth. I hope you can appreciate it for the fun that it has been for me to compile this list and not place any sort of eternal significance on my thoughts.  Here are my books in no particular order:

I think I first read this book in high school (maybe it was in college), and I didn't fully appreciate it because it was an assignment. Reading it as an adult I fell in love with this beautiful story. Gabriel Oak may have the most perfect name of any character in all of literature. He is an example of constancy, even when Bathsheba (another PERFECT name) doesn't deserve it. It's a classic that deserves more attention.

I have hated the words and 
I have loved them,
and I hope I have made them right.

Like I said, I don't really like to read sad books, so I stayed away from this one for a long, long time. It is a sad one. But it is such a beautiful story. Really it is just a collection of events in the life of a girl living in Germany during World War II. The movie doesn't quite do the book justice, but I loved the movie too. But this book is one of those books that had me weeping and weeping and weeping. Ugly tears. War sucks, you know?

Rainbow Rowell is one of my favorite authors, although I haven't really loved some of her newer stories. I love the subtlety of her writing where ordinary people live ordinary lives, but in the process manage to touch my heart. This is the story of a terribly awkward guy who had the job of monitoring company emails in the 90s, a time when email was a new thing and somehow companies thought that one guy would be able to keep tabs on everyone. As he monitors the communication of a coworker (it sounds creepier as I write it than it does in the book) he falls in love with her. It's a super sweet story that made me smile.

Cassandra Clare is better known for her Mortal Instruments series, but I never really liked those stories at all (apologies to all the mega-fans out there). But I absolutely loved this Infernal Devices series so, so much. It's a steampunk story with automatons living in the midst of 19th century life, so not everyone will find this to be their cup of tea, but it worked for me. This final book in the series was my favorite of the bunch with the most beautiful, wonderful, and equally heartbreaking epilogue ever. Another one that broke me down with big ugly tears. Poor Minsy was really worried that I had lost it when she found me in a puddle of tears while finishing this great story.

I can still remember my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Brockmeier, reading this story to us. I fell in love with it then, and I fell in love with it again as I read it as an adult. This is the story of a wealthy girl who is pampered at her boarding school until a horrible change in fortune destroys the life she has known and turns her into a pauper. Even in the midst of horrible treatment, however, this little girl finds strength that proves that you don't have to have wealth to be a princess. This is one of those stories that will always have a warm spot in my heart because it reminds me of being a little girl. Every little girl should read this once in their life. Love it!

Jane Eyre may get the honor of being my favorite book of all time. It's a fluid honor, so it may not hold this place forever, but for now it is a book that I love the most. I love romantic stories, but I really, really love romantic stories with depth. This is not just a story full of happy romantic moments and trivial struggles that keep the protagonists apart. This a story with heart, and it makes my heart happy seeing the growth of the relationship between Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester, even when it was so full of completely wacky experiences and tragedy. How in the world does Mr. Rochester think he is going to get away with his ridiculous marriage plans?

This was another book that was required reading in high school, and I LOVED it. It's been a long while since I've read it, and just sticking it on this list makes me want to go back and read it again. I'm not sure if it will have the same effect on me now as an old lady as it did when I was in high school, but at the time I read this I was transfixed. I won't share it now (or probably ever on this blog), but I have a terribly awful fear for my children that directly corresponds to the outcome of the life of the character Phineas in this book. It makes no rational sense, but at the time I read this story it hit my heart and mind so intensely that I have never been able to shake this fear. This book is definitely going onto my to-read list for 2016.

This may be the most beautiful story I have ever read. It is a retelling of the Celtic swans myth. An evil sorceress turns a girl's six brothers into swans, and the only way for the curse to be lifted is for this girl to remain completely silent as she weaves and creates shirts for her brothers from a horribly prickly plant ... a process that takes years. It is a story of love on so many levels, but maybe most importantly about the love of a sister for her brothers, and it is beautiful how this love is expressed entirely in silence for much of the book. So absolutely beautiful. I adore this inspiring story, but as a warning, there is a rape scene in this story that is not exactly graphic, but it is terribly disturbing, so some may want to avoid reading it.

Have you guys read this book yet? No? You need to read this book. I LOVE These is my Words. It is a novel told in journal format about a girl who becomes a woman as she travels to the Arizona territories to start a new life with her family. This is another one of those books that turned me into an ugly crier. But I would read this one again and again even if it reduced me to those tears every single time. Sarah Prine is one of the strongest female characters in literature. And Captain Jack Elliott is da bomb! Loved him! Oops ... there goes another tear. (Thanks for recommending this Sammy Jacobson!)

How could I have a list like this without including Harry Potter? I love this series for the magic and the joy and the power of good over evil. I love how it seems like J.K. Rowlings wrote these books as if she knew the end at the very beginning. Everything ties together so well at the end. I enjoyed all the books in the series, but this final book was my absolute favorite even though there was so much more heartbreak in this book than in the others. The scene where Harry heads into the woods, believing that he was sacrificing himself to save everyone else and then being joined by his friends and family members who had died earlier ... it brings me to tears every time I read it. This is a series that I could read again and again and one case where the movies didn't ruin the books for me.

And because I had a hard time limiting myself to just ten choices, here are six honorable mentions ...

This is the one book where I included a quote instead of the book cover because Walden by Henry David Thoreau is a book full of quotes that make me want to change my life. I can't help but want to sell all my possessions (well, maybe not all of them ... gotta keep my pictures), and head out into the woods to live off the land and simplify. People who spend their days freaking out about all the crazy news out there should take a minute to read Thoreau's feelings about what is truly important news for us to know. Spoiler alert ... 99% of what we call news in our day wouldn't make the cut. This is a book that truly makes me want to eliminate the excess of my life and begin to LIVE.

I once told a high school lit teacher recently that Pride and Prejudice was one of my favorite books, and she rolled her eyes at me. Seriously. Rolled her eyes. I get it. It seems almost cliche to choose this book. But I'm owning my feelings here. It's a great book. It's funny and pointed in its criticisms of the aristocratic pride of the time. The romance is rewarding, if not the sort of romance that I'd wish for the people I care about. Sure, I've seen the BBC mini series probably three hundred times. I'm not ashamed. It is a book that I don't mind re-reading every once in a while when I'm in the mood for a classic feel good novel.

The Kite Runner is not a book for everyone. It tells the story of a boy growing up in Afghanistan before the Soviet invasion many years ago. It is a beautiful story, and it made me really, really sad for what has happened to that country ... to its history, its culture, and its people. Such a tragedy. A powerful book, but there is some violence in the story that is difficult to handle. Like I say, not a book for everyone.

Ethan Frome is a super short book. It would probably be more accurate to call it a novella, but it is a powerful one. The entire story basically takes place in the middle of a desolate winter, and that sets the stage for a horribly bleak story. Someone told me once that this was a beautiful story of redemption. I'm not sure what story that guy was reading, because what I read was horribly depressing and bleak ... and infuriating. There are few stories that have left me feeling so angry at the end for the way circumstances left the characters at the end. But this is a story that has stuck with me ever since. If you ever want to read a reason why it matters that you choose well when you marry someone, this is it. 

Don't judge me. I know that Twilight has a lot of haters out there ... especially after those movies kind of ruined the whole thing. But when I was first introduced to this series I just fell in love with the story. I know that there is a lot to criticize with this series, but what I loved about the story was that giddy feeling that reminded me so much of how it felt to fall "in love" for the first time in high school. Sure, it wasn't really love, and it probably was not exactly the healthiest thing in the world, but, oh man!, those feelings are just intense. That's what this series made me remember, and I really loved it.

Villette is not a widely read novel by Charlotte Bronte. People generally only think of Jane Eyre when they think of her. However, Villette is a more personal tale that mirrors some of Charlotte Bronte's real life experiences and feelings, and I really enjoyed it. In some ways it was a better book than Jane Eyre, although I don't think it will ever take away the deep love I have for that novel. Still, Bronte is able to display absolutely precious humor throughout this story that had me giggling at times, something that rarely happens as I read classic literature. Delightful and worth the read.

So there you go. I hope you've enjoyed my list. It has been fun for me to compile. What books have touched your life?