Progress Report- 5 Years Later

This morning as I struggled to get out of bed and get ready for a meeting- which shouldn’t have been a struggle since I didn’t have to wake up until 9 am… I had a Timehop notification.

Scrolling through my social media mistakes of the past I saw a Progress report and anniversary post from 2 years ago. I had a bitter sweet smile as I saw what it was. It was a post about an amazing date I had two years ago with a guy I called Major. I took a moment to read the post.

It amazes me how much I used to write on this blog. Though to be honest it was easier to write when I could post without my grandma texting me afterwards with life advice I neither wanted or needed. I have better writing material if I’m allowed to continue in my mistakes uninterrupted. I also was amazed at how much my life has changed. Not just within the 5 years I’ve had this blog but within the past year. Heck, life has been pretty extraordinary within the last 6 months!

5 years ago I thought that not being married would be the end of the world.

3 years ago I was wondering if I had a future in news.

2 years ago I thought I had met someone that was going to be a permanent part of my life.

1 year ago I was constantly questioning if I could make it through grad school, let alone figure out what to do after grad school.

Within the past few months…

I’ve gotten to speak with Warren Buffet and ask him if he needed help paying for lunch.

I got to be part of the media covering President Obama coming to Omaha- and didn’t get arrested by the secret service.

I camped out in a Chick-fil-a parking lot for 30 hours and attained a free year’s worth of food- again!

I have a job once I finish at UNO, at the news station I’ve wanted to be a part of since the day I moved to Omaha.

I work within the Regional Public Affairs for church, and love every aspect of the calling.

Every Thursday night I work at the temple, something I’ve also wanted to do since I moved to Omaha years ago.

My life is not perfect. My life is not easy. My life is nothing short of blessed and spectacular. A lot changes in 5 years. I can’t wait to see what will change within the next 5.

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My Thoughts On The Mormon Same-Sex Marriage News

Last night I got done working a shift at the Temple here in town. Every time I spend a night working at the Temple I walk away with a glow, a spiritual buzz if you will, that I always wish never had to wear off.

I got home and jumped onto Facebook and caught wind of the news. I saw that Same-Sex marriage was to be defined as apostacy. That didn’t entirely surprise me. Later that night I had a coworker Facebook message me asking about the other new policy. I looked at the article he sent and initially didn’t believe it. The handbook they posted didn’t look official, and I hadn’t seen anything from the Mormon Newsroom or LDS.org.

The article said that children of same-sex couples could not join the church unless they were at least 18 and denounced their parents’ way of life. I didn’t believe it because this also seemed much different from the way the church has been moving.

Let me be clear, I didn’t have any perceptions that we would start accepting same-sex relations for the members of the church. But I saw the church start putting funds towards assisting gay youth in Utah who often are at high-risk for homelessness and suicide. I saw Elder Oaks condemn Kim Davis for not fulfilling the oath she made for her public office. I saw the church promote protection for housing and work for the LGBTQ community. When I saw this it just felt like it was stepping away from everything my beloved church had been building. It was stepping away from everything I had been building.

I know it’s selfish, but it hurt because I knew this would hurt people I cared most about. In my two years as a grad student I have made some wonderful friends who are part of the LGBTQ community. These friends of mine have been there with me to suffer through horrible classes, laugh about the troubles of being a GTA, and showed the unconditional love for me even with our conflicting beliefs that my religion has always taught me to have for other people. These friends of mine shared connections with me I don’t have with anyone else.

So as I came to realize that the new policies were true, it broke and confused my heart. It’s been a lot of soul-searching. Looking through my social media I have seen much of the same feelings of confusion. I tried to give my coworker answers as to what was going on, but I honestly don’t have any.

But though I don’t have all the answers, there are some things I do know: I believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church of God restored on the Earth. I know not only that Joseph Smith was a true Prophet, and that the Prophets and Apostles called today are of God and do their best to adhere to the teachings of Jesus Christ. I know that these men aren’t perfect, no one on Earth is, but I’ve made promises to uphold their teachings and counsel. I still sustain these men as I did years ago when I was new to the church.

I could go into great lengths about how there is some practicality in this new policy, that it’s nothing new, or go further into the confusion it has caused me. Trust me, if you have frustrations or disagreement with this policy I understand, you’re not falling on deaf ears. For as much confusion this has been, interestingly enough I have found some interesting words of comfort in this time:

Mormon 10:3-5

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

These times are confusing, and hard, but God is never the author of confusion. People are the only authors of confusion. I implore anyone who is confused, conflicted, or angry to simply pray about this. I won’t say that you will all come to the same conclusions, or that things will be made easy once you’ve prayed. But what I will say is that Heavenly Father wants us to seek understanding, and it is never wrong to ask.

Why Aren’t You Worried About Me?

It. Is. Done.

Well, almost done. Or more accurately, it heading towards being close to almost-done. I’m talking about my thesis, a.k.a “The Monster.”

A few days ago I went to meet with my graduate advisor to discuss next semester, which meant talking about my comprehensive exams and thesis possibilities. I was waiting quite a while for my advisor to show up so in the mean time I wandered around the offices to see who I could talk to. I ran into one of my professors and started discussing my “future.” As we talked she just said, “I worry about some students but I don’t worry about you.”

As flattered as I was I thought, “Seriously? You saw me eat two expired sandwiches in your class last week and I was about to eat another one yesterday except you gave me pizza. You’re sure you’re not worried about me and my future?” And in my defense after surviving all the bouts of food poisoning I’ve had I do not fear expiration dates. If the price is right they are more ‘guidelines’ than ‘warnings.’

After I talked with her and went back and forth across campus looking for my advisor, I finally got to meet and talk with him. We went through my semester plans quickly, discussed my thesis idea, and he even said he wanted to be a part of my thesis committee. The meeting went well. Surprisingly well.

When I’d shared my concerns about comprehensive exams and my thesis he said that he wasn’t worried about me. Again, I thought about eating expired sandwiches, but then I started to think about how people just aren’t worried that I’ll finish my M.A.

It’s weird. A year ago I never would have imagined I’d have things together, that I’d be okay at this point. Then again at this time last year I was still grappling with the fact that I was in school and not in Utah like I had planned to be. More importantly, how did this all work out?

It baffles me how Heavenly Father has slowly but surely gotten me to this point. I regret questioning him so much if grad school was really what he wanted, but I’m so thankful he didn’t smite me for pestering him. Yet maybe my questioning has something to do with all the food poisoning I’ve had… Or maybe because of my failure to refrain from Hy-Vee chinese buffet food.

Anyways, I still don’t understand why people have this sense of calm when it comes to me and accomplishing my M.A. I guess everybody just sees something I don’t quite understand. Regardless, I’m thankful they do. It just further proves, again, that Heavenly Father was right and I was wrong.

Now if only people would have this same calmness about me and my living choices. Despite past problems my complex has really straightened out. Admittedly I am a little concerned as to why the same neighbor has a different car every 2 weeks (I’ve been tracking this for a few months now) and I don’t feel the need to carry my pepper spray around anymore (maybe because I lost it)!

I’m glad people aren’t worrying about my school work or future job prospects, hopefully they will stop worrying about my apartment too.

Never Again, Utah

Mom if you are reading this please stop. It will ruin your other Mother’s Day gift if you continue. Call me and I will tell you everything you need to know. I’ll even fess up to the time Tay and I accidentally had you watch an un-rated movie. Seriously, I’ll betray the secret Tay and I have kept for 6 years. Anyways…

You know every time I visit Utah I try to see myself possibly living there. It’s beautiful, exciting, and full of Mormons. But this last trip has me sure that me and Utah (or at least U of U) just aren’t meant to be.

I had planned to go to SLC not only for General Conference but to look at University of Utah for a Doctoral program as well. Yeah I’m thinking of getting my doctorate- but that’s another story. Anyways, I was supposed to drive out with my sister and my friend Brooke. Except in typical Lauren-life fashion my traveling companions were not able to travel with me last minute.

The rationale thing to do would have been to cancel my trip, driving over 1,000 miles on your own isn’t safe or easy. Then again I don’t think rationally. So I got up at 4 a.m. and began my journey to SLC.

The trip started off fine after I had two cans of red bull. Except that the drinks caused me to have hiccups which lasted at least two hours because I couldn’t reach my water in the back seat. You can’t imagine how torturous it was to see my water just a little more than arms-length away, knowing that one extended reach could either cure me or cause a car accident. I was tempted to risk a car accident quite a few times.

Once the hiccups subsided I thought putting in an audio book would be a good idea. I don’t remember who suggested I listen to a Nicholas Sparks book, but I now hate you and Nicholas Sparks. I found myself wishing I could listen to one of my textbooks instead.

And then there was blessed Wyoming… As desolate as the place was I didn’t mind the ugly terrain or the deadly slush. That is until I hit Evanston. Evanston is almost civilized because it lies on the Utah border. Except someone accidentally did something to my car and now my car is sad. I would go into greater detail but for insurance purposes and pride I will not.

Eventually I made it. Barely. I missed my college visit due to the Wyoming mishap. Regardless I made it in time for a big get-together I arranged with all my Nebraska friends in Provo. I can’t begin to describe how good it was to see everyone and to eat at In-N-Out. I just hope no one asks which of those two meant more to me because I honestly wouldn’t be able to decide. Even one of the missionaries who gave me my discussions over 6 years ago came down to see me. Apparently I am his 6th convert to go through the temple, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

The next day was General Conference, and I had early morning tickets ready to be used. Getting to go to General Conference is never short of an amazing experience. I wish I could put my finger on what about going to General Conference is so amazing. I think it isn’t just that I get to listen to the Prophet and Apostles speak, but that I know what they are saying is inspired and that I’m going to walk away a better person than when I walked in.

Oh and I wasn’t there for the sustaining incident, kind of wish I had been so I could’ve smacked them. And yes I heard all the talks about marriage and family. I think all my thoughts about that should wait for another post, like my story about how I accidentally made my mom a Tinder account during the trip.

That night during Priesthood session instead of wasting money at City Creek mall I wasted my money in Orem. That was okay because I actually ran into Natalie from Studio C! Seriously, my life is better because I ran into a cast member from Studio C. Plus Natalie was really nice and not scared of me at all, or at least she didn’t show it. If you check out my Instagram you can see the pic.

I was only in Utah for a day and a half, but it felt as if I had been there for days. It sucked leaving knowing that I was going to return to a mountain of grad school work and church responsibilities I had left behind. But, I know I was going back to where I really belonged.

I’m not exactly sure what my future holds, especially after graduate school, but I don’t feel like it will involve me going to the University of Utah. And I definitely don’t plan to visit there by myself again. That is unless any of my mom’s Tinder matches work out and are willing to fly me (aka my mom) out for a visit.

The Most Important Day So Far

Well I’ve technically been on spring break this week. Not sure I would really call it a break with the amount of homework I’ve had to do. Regardless of my back-breaking amount of work something pretty important happened: I went through the temple.

Some of you may or may not know what this means. I won’t go into great detail but it’s a big deal. It’s when you get to a point in your faith where you want to make greater commitments to devote your service and life to God. Most Mormons don’t take this step unless they are getting married or going on a mission, or are much older. So me getting to go through was unconventional.

But I think convention is something I think little of if it stands in the way of spiritual progression. And luckily I am surrounded by people who support spiritual growth over norms. It feels like it took me forever to get to this point, but I’m glad. Glad for everything it took for me to get to this point and everything it is going to take me to. And I am especially glad for the friends and people that Heavenly Father placed in my life to get me here 🙂

The Hardest Accomplishment

I had to call a friend and cancel plans, but I took the chance to catch up with her. As we talked we brought up writing, and she mentioned an article I wrote for a website.

She said she had been on a website for people who love to knit and there was a thread (pun intended) for Mormons. Someone discussed being afraid to join because of their family and before my friend had a chance another person shared my article.

I was surprised, but then again I shouldn’t have been. When I wrote the article, well, I just knew it was something Heavenly Father needed shared…

It was Christmas break and my friend Blake who co-owns the Millennial Mormons website was complaining about lack of new material for the site because of the busy holidays. I had wanted to write about Mormon women needing to attain higher education, so I volunteered my services. Blake was just desperate enough to take me up on my offer, and I began to write.

As I sat at home trying to write I couldn’t get my piece started. I had the story worked out in my head but it just wasn’t getting out. Then, I had an impression that distinctly said, “You have another story to tell.” I wrestled with the impression for a moment until I realized that I did have a story that needed to be told.

I began to write about what happened when I first became Mormon. A lot of people have heard my story, but not like how I was about to share it. For once I was giving the whole truth from beginning to end. To say there were a few tears shed during the writing process would be an understatement.

As I wrote the article I knew it was going to help people but there could be a downside as well. Sharing my most personal experience and hardship wasn’t easy, especially when I knew some people would not be able to understand why I did the things I did.

But somehow through my fear and concern I wrote everything out. I said a prayer and submitted it to Blake, I was afraid he was going to reject it, but surprisingly he said he liked it. We made a few minor edits and published it just a day before my 24th birthday.

I was surprised by the reaction to my article. I had numerous friends show support and the article was picked up by another prominent Mormon website as well.

It’s been a few months but every once in a while I go back and read the article. I’m still surprised at what I wrote, but then again I really think I had some Heavenly help with the writing.

So here is the article. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever written, but it certainly has become one of my greatest achievements in life.

How to handle family opposition after becoming mormon

How To Torture, I mean ‘Treat’ Friends

I gotta admit I’ve been blessed in the friend department over the years. And I’m not just talking about my loyal wolf pack, but the other friends as well. Case and Point: The Sam and Forest household.

Now this house of guys (Sam, Forest, and Josh) just came to Omaha around the time I stopped writing. They’re pretty stand-up guys and are great friends. And this is truly a grand accomplishment because I have pranked/almost killed each one of them at one point or another.

It all started in the fall during a CES fireside. Sam thought he was being clever and hacked my Facebook. I didn’t mind because it was all in good fun and I figured it couldn’t be worse than when MT hacked my Facebook.

Well 12 statuses later Sam posted: Single woman seeking single man who can marry a girl who uses butter for conditioner.

Funny status, except people bought it and I had several men message me saying, “I don’t mind some butter in a lovely lady’s hair.” Except almost every message that started out that way said “ladies” instead of “lady’s.” I wish men wouldn’t contact me if they can’t use proper possessive grammar.

I decided retaliation was needed so I hid their toiletries and replaced them with butter.

Next time I’ll remember to take the butter out of the wrappers… But regardless they finally had butter for shampoo.

Then over Christmas I gave them all ornaments that represented themselves. Forest got a dentist, Sam got a lawyer, and Josh got an armadillo. There was no actual correlation to what I thought of Josh and the armadillo, I just knew giving him that would confuse him for a really long time. And it did 🙂

Once the holiday break was over I had a special friend come back to visit. This special friend thought hiding in Sam’s room would be the best way to introduce himself.

As Sam’s roommates helped to hide Sven I stole away into the basement to pull up the blinds from the windows. You see, Forest’s birthday was coming up and he was the only roommate I hadn’t messed with. So earlier that month I got his brother’s email and asked him what truly scared Forest. His brother was quite helpful once I explained who I was and how I got his email.

I decided to print a poster with something scary, tell Forest that his birthday present was in the basement, and wait for the magic to happen. Sadly Forest’s brother did not send me any images with high enough resolution for a poster so I just googled “scary eyes” instead.

Forest’s birthday came and I got up at 4 A.M. to drive across town to their house and tape the poster to the window. I had everything planned out perfectly: text Forest to check the basement, let him get scared, then he’d find the eileen’s birthday cookie on his front steps. Here is a dark picture of me pranking them at 4-freaking-A-M.

Well things didn’t quite worked out as planned. Forest had already left his house by the time I texted him, so he’d found the cookie first. I was not pleased, suddenly I looked like a much more caring friend than I actually was.

Luckily as I was feeding the missionaries lunch I got a text from Forest asking if his gift was peeking from a window. I asked how he liked it and he said he was startled. But then I got a text from Sam saying “LAUREN!!!!” so I surmised that Sam had gotten the fright. Turns out Forest enlisted Sam to help him find my gift and Sam instead almost had an unintentional bowel movement.

For a while Sam did not allow me in their home, and he was quite paranoid until I promised that I wouldn’t prank the house for a while. Little do they know I have plans involving lobsters and a doll head in a jar.

But regardless of the mental torture I have inflicted on these guys they are pretty great. I just hope I don’t accidentally scare one of them to death with the head in the jar. I bet if I do it’ll be Sam or Josh. Probably Josh.

Progress Report 12- 4 Years Later

Lucky me I started writing again just in time to celebrate 4 years of blogging! I wonder if I can really give myself a pat on the back when I took a 6 month hiatus… Oh well, an anniversary is an anniversary! It’s funny I can still remember the night I decided to start this blog. I had gone out with a bunch of girlfriends and had a blast but I came home and reflected on my life and felt like I wasn’t progressing in ways I wanted to. I thought that maybe writing my thoughts on what was happening in life, and what I wanted to happen would be a good idea.

This being a good idea is still up in the air, but I’ve enjoyed writing and being able to look back. Though to be honest I can’t look at things before fall of 2012, it’s too weird. I was so focused on dating it’s kind of annoying- now it’s more of a punchline than something to worry about.

Even within this past year so much has changed on and off the blog. This time last year I was having that adventure with Major, and now we’re not together and I turned out to be thankful we broke up. I almost left for Utah and didn’t pursue graduate school. Now I proudly say I’m a graduate student (despite the constant mental torture) and I have a job I absolutely love. But it’s not just my circumstances that have changed, I’ve changed.

So that’s me in review; changed. Now aside from the sappy I should get onto the usual portion of a progress report. Dating life. I have a few pictures to help illustrate this. Please read the captions and hashtags thoroughly.

Well that’s all. Okay well, so I had a surprisingly good Valentines day. But I don’t think details are needed right now. Besides, I don’t want to make the special guy I met at speed dating jealous.

Markerboard Moods

It’s been a stressful week, and it’s not close to being over for me. Judging by the box of oreos, gigantic bag of M&Ms, and the 2 boxes of brownie mix it is safe to assume I let my emotions go grocery shopping. But if you can’t peer into my food pantry you can definitely tell my mood by my marker board.

When I started my new job I bought a marker board to keep track of my assignments. This aspiration of organization did not last long and I quickly began to use it to draw. It started out sweet and innocent. I’d put up a clever phrase like, “A giraffe’s coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that ? No, you only think about yourself.” This turned out to be a perfect ice breaker for my coworkers, seeing as one loves giraffes and the other loves coffee. Go figure.

I then started to use the board to show my dedication and loyalty to the wolf pack, and other various friends. Notice how spot on I am? I even got my crown perfectly drawn to the ‘T.’

But then the semester began to progress. Assignments started to pile on so I finally tried using the board to keep me focused.

But focus gave weigh into paranoia and pessimism

Soon my health even began to take a turn for the worse and my coworker used the board to remind me to medicate myself

And then annoyance set in, like when you are almost crying over an assignment but there is that one classmate that seems to be having an easy time with it. Seriously, if the grad class doesn’t make you struggle then don’t talk to me!

I tried to take a different approach and be more motivational.

But even my freaking majestic unicorn affirmations could not uplift me for long.

I ended the semester broken. Broken and earnestly wishing to be a mermaid.

I tried starting out this semester with high spirits. I even tried to let Aristotle be an influence in my office.

But with taking 3 classes, working, producing a documentary, and trying to fulfill church duties I soon took on a new outlook.

I have the feeling I won’t be changing the marker board, or my mood, anytime soon.

Hiatus Post: The Bat Cave

I almost forgot that after my car incident there was further proof that the ghetto will never leave me.

August 2014

I’ve been trying to find pride in the new place that I live. I have my own room and bathroom, the furniture doesn’t look like it’s from a dumpster, and I received a personal apology from the security staff for not noticing when my tires and rims were stolen off my car. Overall the place ain’t too shabby.

Until this morning anyways…

Do you know what this is? It’s a bat. A freaking bat snuggled up on my apartment building’s door. Why did the bat choose a door of all places?! Aren’t there seedy corners or actual caves it would much rather inhabit???

I found this bat in the apartment building entrance as I tried to leave for work. I named him Archie so he’d seem less scary and begged him to sleep somewhere else. I think because he was legitimately sleeping he couldn’t hear my pleas. And I realized I’d much rather have a sleeping, immobile bat than an alert and startled one.

I posted this on instagram and do you know what my friends said? They said it was just more of the ghetto following me. They also said I could make crafts out of Archie’s bat guano, but I’m ignoring that idea.

Though in all seriousness I think they may be right. I have left the ghetto but the ghetto has not left me.

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